1
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,577
CHORUS [SINGS]:
The Simpsons
2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,622
Barting Over
3
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:22,940
[LAUGHS]
4
00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,181
[BELL RINGING]
5
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[WHISTLE BLOWING]
6
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[BEEPING]
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[LISA PLAYS SOLO]
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D'oh! Ah!
9
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HOMER:
Mm.
10
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:22,781
Today, we honor three great Americans.
Jazz legend Ornette Coleman.
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[CROWD CHEERING]
12
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:25,971
Playwright Arthur Miller.
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MILLER:
Yes. Yes. Ha, ha.
14
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And all-around genius, Lisa Simpson.
15
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BOTH:
We're not worthy. We're not worthy.
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- Thank you, Mr. Cronkite.
- Ah!
17
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She knows my name.
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[HUMMING]
19
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,264
Ladies and gentlemen...
20
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,204
...tonight, I'd like to harangue you
about the plight of...
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[VACUUM WHIRRING]
22
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,796
Ugh. Oh, Mom,
why did you wake me up?
23
00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:02,122
I dreamt I was
at the Kennedy Center Honors.
24
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:06,408
Well, here's another low-rated
annual event: spring-cleaning.
25
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Come on. Everyone's helping.
26
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[GRUNTING]
27
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[GRUNTING]
28
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,421
You've gotta get rid of those Furbys.
They've turned feral.
29
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[FURBYS GROWLING]
30
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Hmm. This is an interesting old book.
31
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[SPEAKING IN LATIN]
32
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,073
Ooh! Mad Libs.
33
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:40,045
Hey, a box of old videotapes.
34
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:44,310
"Marge and Homer Get Dirty"?
Hey, Lis, think you're well-adjusted?
35
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,719
I've got something to show you.
36
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,506
MARGE [ON TV]: I can't believe
you talked me into this.
37
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,289
HOMER [ON TV]:
It's such a mess.
38
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,614
Ooh, watch the teeth.
39
00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,013
Don't go telling your buddies
at work about this.
40
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,475
- Every tape is pumpkin carving.
- Hey, what's this?
41
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:09,043
"Bart Sad." If I ever needed proof
of the existence of God, here it is.
42
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[CHUCKLES]
43
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,299
Balki, you're dancing in the toilet.
44
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:19,439
What?
You never heard of flush dance?
45
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,474
ANNOUNCER: Ha, ha. Perfect Strangers
will return after these commercials.
46
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What a beautiful baby.
47
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,544
Ah! What horrible breath.
48
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,225
CHORUS [SINGING]: He's the baby
Whose mouth smells like death
49
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,957
Run for your life
It's Baby Stink-Breath
50
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,854
[LAUGHS]
51
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:40,940
[BREATH MONSTER PANTING]
52
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,140
Oh, my God. That's me.
53
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:46,779
This isn't "Bart Sad."
It's "Bart's Ad."
54
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,220
Wait. I was in a commercial?
I don't remember this at all.
55
00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,038
No more Baby Stink-Breath.
56
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,906
Thanks to the Baby So Fresh
tri-patch system.
57
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,637
These soothing patches
alter your baby's DNA...
58
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,120
- ...while leaving the RNA untouched.
- Aw.
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00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:06,726
[GIGGLES]
60
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Not safe for babies under 2.
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[LAUGHS]
62
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You're Baby Stink-Breath.
You're Baby Stink-Breath.
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00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,037
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
64
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,780
[MAGGIE BABBLES]
65
00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:23,076
How could you make me
Baby Stink-Breath and not even tell me?
66
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,912
I was going to tell you
on my deathbed.
67
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,998
Honey, you did have a great time
doing those commercials.
68
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,948
And you made a lot of money.
69
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:32,304
I did? Where is it?
70
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,837
Your father invested it
in a college trust fund...
71
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,600
...which today must be worth a...
72
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,102
- La-la-la-la-la.
- Hmm.
73
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,552
Of course,
the stock market's been down lately.
74
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,158
But there must be some sort of...
75
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,441
La-la-la-la-la.
76
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,381
Nothing left.
La-la-la-la-la.
77
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,341
You spent all the money I earned?
78
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:53,001
I needed it. I had to buy back
some incriminating photos.
79
00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,712
Look. See? You're fine.
80
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,422
And then, whoops!
81
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,217
Uh-oh. Look out.
82
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:05,118
I know this looks bad,
but if you reverse it, Daddy's a hero.
83
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,537
See? Watch.
84
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,142
I saved you.
85
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,978
You stole my money!
86
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:12,490
Bart, stop that.
87
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:15,931
That's okay. His cute little hands
can't even fit around my neck. He...
88
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,537
[YELLING]
89
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,165
Now he's got it.
90
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:23,991
Bart, the larynx is not a plaything.
91
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:26,545
Mom,
I am sick of the way he treats me.
92
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,600
He disrespects me
and I'm just supposed to accept it?
93
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,665
Right. You're mine until you're 18.
94
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,095
When you're 17,
I'm gonna know the end is near...
95
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:36,117
...so I'm gonna work you like a dog.
96
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,786
[GRUMBLES]
97
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:42,311
So my dad blew all the money I made
from that embarrassing commercial.
98
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,469
Promise me you won't tell anyone.
99
00:05:44,887 --> 00:05:47,452
I won't. But these things
have a way of getting out.
100
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,027
Ha, ha, Baby Stink-Breath.
101
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:51,643
[GRUNTS]
102
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,228
It was worth it.
103
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:55,950
I just wish there was some way
to get back at my dad.
104
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,849
When my mom wants to get back
at my dad, she uses her lawyer.
105
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,206
- Does it make him cry?
- More than normal.
106
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,937
[SOBBING]
Hey, son.
107
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,669
I've got tickets for the circus.
108
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,236
Hmm, "Badger, Haggle and Bill."
109
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,374
"Luvum and Burnham, Family Law."
110
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,856
"Hackey, Joke and Dunnit."
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00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:18,358
Bingo.
112
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,141
I want a divorce from my parents.
113
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:21,527
You wha...?
114
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,675
I said, I want a divorce
from my parents.
115
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:25,886
I heard you.
I was calling my secretary.
116
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:29,598
Uwa, get me the standard
child-divorcing-parent form.
117
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,913
Yes, sir.
118
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:48,242
I heard a wonderful saying today,
"Forgive and forget."
119
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,412
Yes. At times like this,
I just look at my bracelet.
120
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,019
Good point, Dad.
What would Jesus do?
121
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:58,210
Jesus? I thought it was Geppetto.
Aw, pfft.
122
00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,118
[DOORBELL RINGS]
123
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,611
- Who is it?
- I'm here to serve you with a subpoena.
124
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,457
Well, I'm not opening the door.
125
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:07,198
It comes with a side of bacon.
126
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,753
- Is it crispy?
- Yes.
127
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,787
- But not too crispy?
- No.
128
00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:15,988
Unh. See you in court.
129
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:18,856
Bart, you're suing us?
130
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,692
- Yes. I wanna be emancipated.
- Emancipated?
131
00:07:22,234 --> 00:07:23,694
Don't you like being a dude?
132
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:26,634
No, Dad. It means Bart
would be a legal adult...
133
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,876
...and free to move out of the house.
134
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,765
I wanted a sewing room but not like this.
Not like this.
135
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,351
Mom, you've always been cool to me.
136
00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:38,761
But Homer is a lousy dad
and I'm not gonna take it anymore.
137
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,534
Hey, my dad was lousy
and I didn't sue him.
138
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,829
I just dumped him
in the cheapest home I could find.
139
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,177
Hey. My IV is empty.
140
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,585
And my catheter is full.
141
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:52,264
MAN:
Mm-hm.
142
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,017
[HUMMING SOFTLY]
143
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:56,435
Hmm.
144
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,333
- See you tomorrow.
- But you...
145
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:06,309
Bart, using this doll, tell the court
where your father took money from you.
146
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,271
Here and here.
147
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:12,367
Let the records show that he pulled out
the pockets of the doll.
148
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:19,990
Mr. Simpson, your son alleges that you
have an anger-management problem.
149
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,617
Why, you little...
150
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:28,383
Uh, I'm sorry, judge. That's a rare lapse
in my normally calm demeanor.
151
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,866
Could the stenographer please read
the previous statement?
152
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:34,150
- "Why, you little..."
- Why, you little...
153
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:35,651
[LAUGHS]
154
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,269
Why, you little... Why, you little...
155
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:46,360
All rise for the verdict.
156
00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:51,198
Son, I just want you to know
whatever that judge decides...
157
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,617
...I'm gonna be the best dad I can.
158
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:56,495
No judge would send a preteen
out on his own...
159
00:08:57,037 --> 00:09:01,135
Whoo-hoo! You're still mine. And you
thought I was a bad dad before...
160
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:03,126
... except in this case.
161
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:07,819
That boy's about as safe living with you
as a crawdad in a gumbo shack.
162
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:11,072
Bart Simpson,
I declare you emancipated.
163
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,816
Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages
until Bart is fully repaid.
164
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,496
Mm, garnish.
165
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:21,426
That means half your paycheck
goes to Bart.
166
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:24,721
What the...? Half goes to Bart,
half goes to my Vegas wife.
167
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,318
- What's left for Moe?
- Homer, don't make things worse.
168
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:30,477
I'll show you worse.
169
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:31,999
[SCREAMS]
170
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:33,678
[THUD]
171
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,797
I was told this would be televised!
172
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,510
How can I fit my whole life
into a suitcase?
173
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,743
Maybe if I move that thing there.
Perfect.
174
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,630
Where are you gonna live?
175
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,352
With the money Dad's paying me,
I rented a loft downtown.
176
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,750
Do you even know what a loft is?
177
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,962
- No. I assume it has hay.
- Oh.
178
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:59,162
I'm gonna miss you.
179
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,539
- Here's something to remember me by.
- Ow!
180
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,031
- Indian burn.
- Look at it.
181
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,273
Aw, that's so sweet.
182
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,306
If I did it right, it's permanent.
183
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,748
Please don't go, Bart.
184
00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,127
I'll let you swear in the house.
Everything but the big three.
185
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:20,141
Sorry, Mom. I just can't,
not as long as he's here.
186
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,447
Oh, honey.
I can't believe this is happening.
187
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,450
I'll miss you so much.
188
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,267
Either give me some of that
or let's get going.
189
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,364
Sorry, Mom. I gotta go.
190
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,203
Go ahead, leave.
You'll come crawling back.
191
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:44,759
That's right. Crawling on your knees.
192
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,168
[GRUNTING]
193
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,201
Crawling!
194
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:50,661
[SIGHS]
195
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:52,340
He's really gone.
196
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:55,228
[SOBBING]
197
00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:00,202
He's gone!
198
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,111
Well, here I am, on my own.
199
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,717
And I'm gonna make it, world.
200
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:17,167
[POUNDING ON WALL]
201
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:20,034
MAN: Be quiet in there!
Some of us are trying to sell drugs!
202
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,600
Look out, son.
This one's got a little mustard on it.
203
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,636
Attaboy,
we just won the World Series.
204
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,877
You and me together, yeah.
205
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:31,191
[LAUGHS]
206
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,318
[SCREAMS]
207
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:37,103
He should've done that with
the real Bart when he had the chance.
208
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,127
[SCREAMING]
209
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:42,233
Being a free man is great, Milhouse.
210
00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:44,632
I can draw on myself.
211
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,280
Boy, I wish I was a free man.
212
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,356
Mom. Where's Puppy Goo Goo?
213
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:55,705
Oh, Puppy Goo Goo,
fetch me a dream.
214
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:58,239
[SIGHS]
215
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,786
[SIREN WAILING NEARBY]
216
00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:07,915
Ha, ha, boy, it's really empty in here.
217
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,062
Now, calm down. I'm perfectly safe.
218
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:20,668
Murder's illegal in this state.
219
00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:22,128
[GASPS]
220
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,067
[SCREAMS]
221
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:31,022
Okay.
That was just my imagination.
222
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:32,492
[RAT GROWLS AND BART GASPS]
223
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,077
Mommy!
224
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,596
Not up. Down.
225
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:49,071
[SOBBING]
Oh, I'm gonna die in my jammies.
226
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:52,231
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
227
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,774
[CHEERING AND CHATTERING]
228
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,578
[BLINK-182 PLAYING
"ALL THE SMALL THINGS"]
229
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:59,384
Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
230
00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,865
Hey, it's an emancipated minor.
231
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,670
- What's your name?
- I'm Bart Simpson and...
232
00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:07,955
Hey, are you skateboarding legend
Tony Hawk?
233
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,541
That's what my business cards say.
234
00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:14,878
Oh, wait.
That's my old phone number.
235
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,463
[SNAPS]
236
00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:21,729
You live in this building?
237
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,252
When I'm not on the road
or in rehab for my pelvis.
238
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,578
I hope you don't mind living
below pro skaters who like to party.
239
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,163
[CHUCKLES]
240
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,562
- I'll adjust.
- Hey, Blink-182.
241
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,252
- We have names.
- Whatever. You can crank it up.
242
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:36,348
Dude, let's trash this place.
243
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:37,943
After we get paid.
244
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,216
Nice.
245
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,834
Oh, man,
this is the greatest night of my life.
246
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,524
If my dad could see this,
he'd be so mad.
247
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,683
He can.
There's a webcam right there.
248
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:54,835
Of all the sites on all the web,
I had to click onto his.
249
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,598
[CASABLANCA'S
"AS TIME GOES BY" PLAYING]
250
00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:10,882
[MARGE HUMMING]
251
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:15,324
Darn it. I keep pouring juice for five.
252
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:19,318
Ha, ha, did you see that?
Your mom thinks you're still here.
253
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,946
Oh, tomorrow's the day the judge said
we can visit Bart.
254
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,721
I think he might come home if we can
show him we can treat him better.
255
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,548
For your information, I've been taking
steps to become a better father.
256
00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:34,020
For the past week, I've been
carrying around this bag of sugar.
257
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,303
It's taught me
how to love and care for a child.
258
00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:37,628
[COOS]
259
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:40,193
What the...?
Where the hell is my sugar?
260
00:14:41,757 --> 00:14:44,541
Condoleezza Marie
ain't too playful tonight.
261
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,367
And I don't remember her
being this granulated.
262
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,900
Can I put your baby in my coffee?
263
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,476
Well, the doctor said
you eat any more baby...
264
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,770
...they gonna take your foot.
265
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,351
Thanks for the lift, Tony Hawk.
I gotta go now, Tony Hawk.
266
00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:07,418
- Cool guy, Tony Hawk.
- Bart, you know Tony Hawk?
267
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,118
Please, I'm trying to keep it quiet.
268
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:11,745
Catch you later, Tony Hawk.
269
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,215
Stay cool, Brett.
270
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:15,155
[TIRES SCREECH]
271
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,188
[GUNSHOTS NEARBY]
272
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,171
I don't think this is a good place
for a 10-year-old boy.
273
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,102
Here's $5.
Buy yourself a suit and get busy.
274
00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:26,844
I'll buy a suit...
275
00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,272
...of drugs!
276
00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:30,024
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
277
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,618
Hi, guys. Dad.
278
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:43,662
Hello, son. You're looking well.
279
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:46,061
Wow, this place is great.
280
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,355
That couch looks really pricey.
281
00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:51,316
Well, you need an expensive couch
to watch an expensive TV.
282
00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:53,547
Of course,
because you wouldn't want to...
283
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,309
I paid for your splendor, you...
284
00:15:55,706 --> 00:15:56,728
[GRUNTING]
285
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,375
[SIGHS]
286
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:02,859
And for every syringe I find,
I get a dollar.
287
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:05,392
- Well, that's great, honey.
- Unh.
288
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:08,114
You know, son,
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
289
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,825
I was wrong to exploit you
and I won't do it again.
290
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,286
Thanks, Dad. That means a lot to me.
291
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:17,978
You think you might see your way clear
to moving back in with your ma and me?
292
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:22,910
Sorry. No can do. I'm taking off
for six months to join the Skewed Tour.
293
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:24,662
Skewed Tour?
294
00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:28,207
The traveling festival of rock 'n' roll,
skateboarding and extreme sports?
295
00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:30,616
- And nipple piercing.
- Aah!
296
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:32,357
Don't worry. They're clip-ons.
297
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,708
Behold the delightful unicorn I got
at the face painting pavilion.
298
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,680
Dude, that was a tattoo parlor.
299
00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:44,452
[SIGHS]
300
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,967
- He's suffered enough.
- Yeah. But on the other hand...
301
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:53,169
ANNOUNCER [ON PA]:
Just a reminder, people...
302
00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:55,609
...if you're getting bogus returns
on your investments...
303
00:16:56,099 --> 00:17:00,239
...contact Goldman Sachs,
the Skewed financial planners.
304
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,649
Up next on the halfpipe,
boarding legend Tony Hawk.
305
00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:05,296
Up next on the halfpipe,
boarding legend Tony Hawk.
306
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,345
Psst, Mr. Hawk,
may I have a word with you?
307
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:13,992
- An extreme word?
- Sure.
308
00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:16,672
[SHOUTING]
My son is Bart Simpson and...!
309
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,737
I didn't say extreme to the max.
310
00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:21,729
Sorry. I just wanna win my son back
so badly.
311
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,263
I can relate. I'm a father myself.
312
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:26,432
Oh, one day, they're little shredders.
313
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,039
The next day,
they're grinding their way to college.
314
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,790
Yeah, I make up words too.
315
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:33,366
I was wondering
if you could pretend to lose to me...
316
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,630
...in a skateboarding contest
so I can be a hero to my boy again.
317
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:39,935
I'll lose millions in endorsements,
but okay.
318
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,824
This board represents the ultimate
in poser technology.
319
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,733
- It gives the illusion they have talent.
- Groovy.
320
00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:49,246
Lock your feet in,
the board does all the work.
321
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,758
All the work?
322
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:51,989
[SIGHS]
323
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:55,106
Fine. I'll lift you onto the board too.
324
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:57,317
[GRUNTING]
325
00:17:57,661 --> 00:18:00,664
Do it without the attitude
or don't do it at all.
326
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:03,782
ANNOUNCER: Now the portion of our
event where champion Tony Hawk...
327
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:07,442
...may be challenged by any
unknown member of the audience.
328
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,444
I'm challenging you, Hawk...
329
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,998
...in front of all these outcasts
and dreamers...
330
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,960
...who can't even get into the Army,
if you can believe it.
331
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,753
Dad, how drunk are you?
332
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,265
Not very.
333
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,310
You're going down, Homer.
Then back up. Then down.
334
00:18:21,894 --> 00:18:23,791
Back up again.
That's how the game is played.
335
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,553
I can't count how many times...
336
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,171
...your father's done something crazy
like this.
337
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:31,403
LISA:
It's 300, Mom.
338
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,572
I could've sworn it was 302.
339
00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:35,199
Shh.
340
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,162
[CROWD CHEERING]
341
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,448
Now to win back my son
in comfort and style.
342
00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:53,769
[HUMMING]
343
00:18:58,013 --> 00:19:01,235
You know, I could save money
by buying separate nuts...
344
00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:03,133
...and mixing them at home.
345
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,913
Man, I wanted him to look good,
but not to show me up.
346
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:14,874
It's time to take out the thrash.
347
00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:25,645
[BOTH GRUNTING]
348
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,021
TONY:
Take that.
349
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:29,273
[BOTH HUMMING]
350
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,454
[BOTH GRUNTING]
351
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,925
[SCREAMS]
352
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:40,764
Woo-hoo! I rule this pseudo-sport.
353
00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,547
Come back to me, boy.
354
00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:44,142
Dad, you don't understand.
355
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:48,324
This was never about being cool,
it was about you not caring how I felt.
356
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,775
Oh, that's the dumbest thing
I ever heard, you stupid little kid.
357
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,330
Homer, you're heading
for parental face-plant.
358
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,010
Do a 180 emotional ollie.
359
00:19:57,531 --> 00:19:58,584
[GROANS]
360
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:03,526
Finally. Someone explains it to me
in words I can understand.
361
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,478
Look, boy.
I know I did wrong and I'm truly sorry.
362
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:12,285
I put you in humiliating commercials
for money which I spent on myself.
363
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,935
I just wish I had an opportunity
to make things right.
364
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:19,553
Mr. Simpson, I like the way
you handled yourself on that board.
365
00:20:20,179 --> 00:20:21,680
Would you like to do a commercial?
366
00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:25,350
Anything. As long as I can give
the money to my son.
367
00:20:26,018 --> 00:20:30,157
Excellent. I represent Viagrogaine,
the topical rub for bald, impotent men.
368
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,482
Well, I am bald and important.
Where do I sign?
369
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:34,130
Well, I am bald and important.
Where do I sign?
370
00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:38,833
Oh, Steve,
you're everything a girl could want.
371
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:40,355
What's your secret?
372
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:43,191
Well, Cathy, I'll tell you.
It's Viagrogaine.
373
00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:46,340
It gives you lots of hair
and what you need down there.
374
00:20:46,914 --> 00:20:48,884
What are you waiting for, loser?
375
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,314
MAN: Side effects
include loss of scalp and penis.
376
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:54,828
- What did they say about my scalp?
- Don't worry, Dad. It's a commercial.
377
00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:57,403
No one will remember this in 50 years.
378
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,188
Ha, ha!
379
00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,607
[COUGHS]
380
00:21:56,692 --> 00:21:57,568
[English - US -SDH]