1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,776
CHORUS [SINGS]:
<i>The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:07,674
I'm Spelling As Fast As I Can

3
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,021
D'oh! Ah!

4
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HOMER:
Whoo-hoo!

5
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<i>Welcome to </i>Matinee of Blood
and Commercials.

6
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,761
<i>I am your hostess, Booberella.</i>

7
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,304
<i>Our first fright flick...</i>

8
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:37,506
<i>...is 1983's </i>Frankenstein
and the Harlem Globetrotters...

9
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,478
...Meet the Mummy
and the Washington Generals.

10
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:43,116
I can't just sit here watching this junk.

11
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[GRUNTS]

12
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,015
That's better.

13
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,433
<i>If you watch closely...</i>

14
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:50,217
<i>...you might recognize</i>
<i>a young Ray Romano.</i>

15
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[HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS
THEME MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

16
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<i>All right, Frankenstein,</i>
<i>that's a three-second violation.</i>

17
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,449
<i>Don't blame Frankenstein.</i>

18
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:08,006
<i>Me made from corpses</i>
<i>of Denver Nuggets.</i>

19
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<i>Now for the first</i>
<i>of our 82 commercial breaks.</i>

20
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<i>Then you can see more of my boobs.</i>

21
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,077
[LAUGHING]

22
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:21,602
It's nice to see
a realistic single woman on TV.

23
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:26,388
<i>Hello, Springfield. Come to my</i>
<i>back-to-school parking-lot blowout.</i>

24
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,433
School's starting, Bart.
Aren't you excited?

25
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This year,
you learn about local history.

26
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<i>We've got first-rate school supplies</i>
<i>at Third World prices...</i>

27
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,619
<i>...at the Kwik-E-Mart,</i>
<i>where we believe in America.</i>

28
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<i>Please don't beat me up anymore.</i>

29
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,905
<i>Bad news.</i>

30
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<i>Ray Romano has sued</i>
<i>to prevent the showing of the movie.</i>

31
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<i>Watch this commercial</i>
<i>for Krusty Burger...</i>

32
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<i>...while I appeal</i>
<i>this temporary injunction.</i>

33
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[PARODY OF BOB SEGER'S
"LIKE A ROCK" PLAYING ON TV]

34
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<i>Like a rib</i>

35
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<i>It tastes like liberty</i>

36
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<i>Like a rib</i>

37
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<i>With a bun of sesame</i>

38
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MAN [ON TV]: <i>We start</i>
<i>with authentic letter-graded meat...</i>

39
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<i>...and process the hell out of it</i>
<i>till it's good enough for Krusty.</i>

40
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,734
<i>Try my new Krusty Ribwich.</i>

41
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:22,434
<i>Mm.</i>

42
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,415
<i>I don't mind the taste.</i>

43
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,720
Ooh, a new hamburger sandwich.

44
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,608
Wow, I can't wait to pack that
into my colon.

45
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,455
Dude, take it easy on the fatty foods.

46
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,624
You're running out of leg veins
to transplant into your heart.

47
00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:38,617
- I got arm veins, don't I?
- Yes, sir.

48
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[SINGING]
<i>School's back in session</i>

49
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,907
<i>Let's begin our lessons</i>

50
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,963
This year, he gets it in the back.

51
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,736
Uh, Willie, did you get the letter
about your pay cut?

52
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,489
Aye. There'll be many a cut this year.

53
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,086
Indeed there will.
Budget-wise of course.

54
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[CHATTERING]

55
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,926
- Nelson, how was your summer?
- Sucked.

56
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,418
- What'd you do?
- Space Camp.

57
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:12,119
At ease, Cadet Nelson.
Good to be back on terra firma, eh?

58
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:13,725
[STUDENTS GASP]

59
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,644
How about I launch my foot
into your butt?

60
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,375
I held your hair
when you barfed in the simulator.

61
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,440
Shut up, commander.

62
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,829
Welcome back, children.
We've all had fascinating summers.

63
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,874
I was the maitre d'
at the Springfield Country Club.

64
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,720
My dad says you were a busboy.

65
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,931
You mean your dad,
the raging alcoholic?

66
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,622
Um, we better get down to business.

67
00:03:36,008 --> 00:03:38,458
As this is a non-leap year,
we're a day behind.

68
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:42,191
Come on, man. Everyone knows
the first day of school is a total wank.

69
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,892
Well, if by wank
you mean educational fun...

70
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,290
...then stand back, it's wanking time.

71
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,667
[LAUGHING]

72
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,400
Let's get the year rolling
with an all-school spelling bee.

73
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,194
Whoo-hoo!

74
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:59,198
Ugh, I guess I won't be popular
this year either.

75
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:02,190
Bart, your word is "imply."

76
00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:04,995
Imply. I-M-P...

77
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,435
Bart said I am pee.
He's made of pee.

78
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[LAUGHING]

79
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,408
Well, I got my laugh. I'm out of here.

80
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,962
I made Bart in my pants.

81
00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:16,767
Well, we're down
to our last two students.

82
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,832
Milhouse, your word is "choke."

83
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:20,427
Oh, I know this one.

84
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,878
It's so easy. F... Oh, man!

85
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[LAUGHING]

86
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Stop laughing. It will scar him for life.

87
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[CHUCKLES]

88
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:33,586
It is kind of infectious.

89
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,494
Lisa, "impugn."

90
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,475
I-M-P...

91
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,207
- Hey, Lisa said she was...
- Unh, shut up, Pee.

92
00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:43,043
... U-G-N. Impugn.

93
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,464
That's right.
Lisa Simpson, you're school champion.

94
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,539
[CHEERING]

95
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,707
Wow, I better make the most of this.

96
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,981
- Free Tibet!
- There'll be time for that later.

97
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,912
Now you concentrate on representing
our school at the state spelling finals.

98
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:01,041
[IN UNISON]
Lisa! Lisa! Lisa!

99
00:05:01,593 --> 00:05:03,168
And here's your prize for today...

100
00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:06,014
...a scale model of the planet Mars.

101
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,373
This is just a kickball
with "Mars" written on it.

102
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,011
Behold, the Red Planet.

103
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,201
[CHEERING]

104
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,279
LISA:
It was so exciting.

105
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:23,261
I actually got applause
for being smart.

106
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,847
Mars, eh? Hmm.

107
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,005
I see no evidence of water.

108
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,612
Well, this is very impressive, Lisa.

109
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,135
I'm kicking this right onto the mantle.

110
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:35,805
Well, I'm not done yet.

111
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,589
Principal Skinner said
if I win the state finals...

112
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:41,175
...I can go to the Spellympics.

113
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:42,989
I'm just happy you're excited...

114
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,200
...about something
besides saving the whales.

115
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,964
Face it, they're doomed.

116
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,842
MAN: Hey, hey, the Ribwich is back.
- The Ribwich.

117
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,263
The commercials have come to pass.

118
00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,298
Try the new Ribwich.
It's so good you'll croak.

119
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,519
You seem like an impartial observer.

120
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:06,022
But I've been fooled
by so many people in costumes.

121
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:09,401
Try the sauce. I'm soaked in it.

122
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:14,583
[MOANS]

123
00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,710
I could lick you all day long.

124
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,765
And yet my children think
I'm a failure.

125
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,602
- One Ribwich, please.
- Mm-hm.

126
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,407
Hmm. "Now without lettuce."

127
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,849
[GRUNTS]

128
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,166
[CACKLING]

129
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,634
[MUMBLING RAPIDLY]

130
00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,178
Sir, are you all right?

131
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,920
I have eaten the ribs of God.

132
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,173
Drool cleanup at Register 4.

133
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:54,341
[CONTINUES MUMBLING]

134
00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:58,398
- "Ameliorate."
- Could you use it in a sentence?

135
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:02,402
"Nothing can ameliorate
the ineptitude of Principal Skinner."

136
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,540
I wish he wouldn't use me
in every example.

137
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:10,597
A-M-E-L-I-O-R-A-T-E.
Ameliorate.

138
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:14,434
Correct.
Lisa, you just won the state finals.

139
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,218
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

140
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,805
[CHEERING IN UNISON]
<i>Diphthongs, cognates, Latin roots</i>

141
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,111
<i>Lisa clobbers all you fruits</i>

142
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:27,218
Oh, our little girl's
got her own cheering section.

143
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,429
- Hey, who doesn't?
- You tell her, big H.

144
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,213
- You the man.
- Ah, you ain't so hot.

145
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,820
Lisa, I'm so impressed
you're state champ.

146
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,418
Finally, a Simpson has a trophy
without a bowling ball on it.

147
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,421
Well, why don't we celebrate
by going to a movie?

148
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:46,289
That sounds like a magical family
moment. I'm sorry I won't be there.

149
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,970
Really? It won't be the same
without you, Dad.

150
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:53,818
Oh, sweetie. You're the most
important thing to me in the world.

151
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:58,176
Only very serious daddy business
can tear me from your side.

152
00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,428
Three Ribwiches, please.

153
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:03,817
And instead of a shake,
I'd like a blended Ribwich.

154
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,465
I'm sorry, sir.

155
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,936
The Ribwich
was for a limited time only.

156
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:11,450
Not again. First, you took away
my Philly Fudge Steak...

157
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:15,329
...and then my Bacon Balls,
then my Watcha-ma-chicken.

158
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,570
[SOBBING]

159
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,093
You monster.

160
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,739
I'd like a large fries, please.
And a collector's cup.

161
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,857
If you want the Ribwich,
they're testing it in other markets.

162
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:34,556
Check out the tour schedule.

163
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,081
Wow, this is amazing.

164
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,979
I could follow the Ribwich
from town to town.

165
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,127
That's what we do. We're Ribheads.

166
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,496
Maybe I should hook up
with you guys.

167
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,437
After all,
how long do any of us have to live?

168
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,418
If you like the Ribwich, not very.

169
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:54,326
HOMER:
D'oh!

170
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,350
Lisa, to honor Springfield Elementary's
shining star...

171
00:08:57,913 --> 00:09:00,436
...we are granting you
a doublewide locker.

172
00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:04,107
- Your books will actually fit in this one.
- Hey, my locker's gone.

173
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,276
Your effects have been moved
to Willie's shack.

174
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:08,966
Come along, lad.

175
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:10,509
And lose your books.

176
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,043
They won't help you
where you're going.

177
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,223
<i>In business news,</i>
<i>3M and M&M have merged...</i>

178
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,226
<i>...to form, get this,</i>
<i>Ultradyne Systems.</i>

179
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,739
<i>And speaking of news stories,</i>
<i>here's another.</i>

180
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,168
<i>Springfield's spelling phenom</i>
<i>Lisa Simpson...</i>

181
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,994
<i>...has qualified for spelling's
answer</i> <i>to the Olympics...</i>

182
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:28,548
<i>...the Spellympics.</i>

183
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:32,051
<i>In a related story, the Spellympics</i>
<i>is being sued by the Olympics...</i>

184
00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:34,491
<i>...for use of the suffix "lympics."</i>

185
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:35,826
[SIGHS]

186
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,276
<i>This has gotta be</i>
<i>the slowest news day ever.</i>

187
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:41,133
<i>Ah, that's better. Paris is no more.</i>

188
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:44,449
<i>The legendary City of Lights</i> <i>has
been extinguished forever as a...</i>

189
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:48,046
Okay, champ.
I before E, except after C.

190
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,195
Except when pronounced like A,
as in "neighbor" and "weigh."

191
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,510
Really? Hmm?

192
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:57,671
Well, what about in the sentence
"Jim Nabors is way cool"?

193
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:01,716
- How often is that gonna come up?
- It's on my apron.

194
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,584
Yeah. I got work to do.

195
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:07,858
Hey, lookie.

196
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:11,122
It's that young'un what sorts them
squiggles into words.

197
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,311
Can you spell "scabies"?

198
00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,459
S-C-A-B-I-E-S.

199
00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:18,765
Rubella, we got you a middle name.

200
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,382
You ain't supposed to hold her
like that.

201
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:24,614
- Spell "AC/DC."
- A-C-D-C.

202
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,398
Uh-uh. You forgot the lightning bolt.

203
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,412
- "Relapse."
- R-E-L-A-P-S-E.

204
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,643
That's what beer has done to me.

205
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,885
Sock it to me.
Sock it to me. Sock it to me.

206
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,022
[IN UNISON]
<i>L-I-S-A!</i>

207
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,118
<i>L-I-S-A!</i>

208
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,080
Thank you.
I've never felt more accepted.

209
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,832
Perhaps one day,
people who spell correctly...

210
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:48,607
...will replace athletes
at the top of our national pantheon.

211
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,400
ALL:
Boo!

212
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:54,290
Ha, ha, I was just K-I-D-D-I-N-G.

213
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,156
MAN:
Hmm?

214
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,492
[ALL CHEER]

215
00:10:58,951 --> 00:10:59,858
Come on, dimples.

216
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:01,589
Spell something else for us.

217
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,008
- I'm a little tired.
- Oh, come on.

218
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:07,501
Hey, spell
"Little Miss She-Thinks-She's-So-Big."

219
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:12,704
Ugh, very well.
L-I-T-T-L-E M-I-S-S...

220
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:15,415
I ain't got time for this.
I got a bar to run.

221
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:22,067
Welcome to the games
of the 34th Spellympiad.

222
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,581
I'm George Plimpton,
founder of <i>The Paris Review.</i>

223
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,043
I also played the evil dean
in <i>Boner Academy.</i>

224
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,879
You monster.
Why did you expel Boogerman?

225
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,924
He replaced my tennis racket
with a rubber phallus.

226
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:36,916
Ha, ha, that was awesome.

227
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,960
And now in the ancient
spelling-bee tradition...

228
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,432
...we shall release the bees.

229
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,122
[BUZZING]

230
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,030
[YELLING]

231
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:52,661
And now to exterminate the bees,
the magnificent Blue Angels.

232
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,624
ALL:
Ooh.

233
00:11:58,010 --> 00:11:59,803
[COUGHING]

234
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,994
<i>[SCREAMIN' JAY HAWKINS'</i>
<i>"I PUT A SPELL ON YOU" PLAYING]</i>

235
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:04,454
<i>I put a spell on you</i>

236
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,018
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

237
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,625
It's so exciting.

238
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,888
It's like living in a dictionary.

239
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,410
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

240
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,308
<i>Because you're mine</i>

241
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,852
Ha, ha, he's an aserose.

242
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,668
Really? He possesses
the properties of a pine needle?

243
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,180
[CHUCKLES]

244
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,693
Look, I didn't bring a Game Boy.
This is all I got.

245
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:29,301
A-N-T-H-R-A-X. Anthrax.

246
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:30,959
[BELL DINGS]

247
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:32,826
ALL:
Aw.

248
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,682
He's adorable.

249
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,945
I'd sure like to tuck that in at night.

250
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,105
Well, we're down
to our three finalists:

251
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:42,513
Lisa...

252
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:43,753
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]

253
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,005
...Sun Moon...

254
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:46,517
...and Alex.

255
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,320
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

256
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,751
We will crown our champion
tomorrow.

257
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:56,547
Now please enjoy our unlicensed
knockoff of the Olympic anthem.

258
00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,519
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

259
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:07,016
Congratulations, sweetie.
You're in the finals.

260
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:10,488
Well, I'm just happy you guys
all came up here to Calgary with me.

261
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,794
I'm sorry, honey.
I can't be here tomorrow.

262
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:17,162
It's the last day the Ribwich
is in San Francisco.

263
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,696
Dad, this is my moment in the sun.

264
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:22,188
How can you miss it
to be with a sandwich?

265
00:13:22,678 --> 00:13:25,462
You don't understand.
It's not just a sandwich.

266
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:29,017
It's about brotherhood.
It's about freedom.

267
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,655
It's about three days
since I've had one.

268
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:35,107
I'm getting the shakes
and I'm getting the fries.

269
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,078
Don't worry, honey.
You can win without him.

270
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:39,736
I guess I'll have to.

271
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:42,750
Then I'll be queen of the world!
Of spelling.

272
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,888
That's right, queen of the world!
Of spelling.

273
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:49,308
Lisa, may I see you privately
for a moment?

274
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,300
This can only be good.

275
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:55,314
Lisa, competitive spelling
has fallen on hard times.

276
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,568
Today's students
would rather watch Ozzy Osbourne.

277
00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:01,769
"Look at me, I'm a drug addict.
Ho, ho, ho."

278
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,386
Some of us still enjoy
scripted comedy, sir.

279
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:05,762
That's a good girl.

280
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:09,422
But if spelling is to compete,
it needs a charismatic champion.

281
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,915
Someone like me back when
I was a white-haired little boy.

282
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,190
- Well, I haven't won yet.
- Nor shall you.

283
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:20,027
- What?
- The future of our very sport is at stake.

284
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,332
And we want the gold medal
to go to him.

285
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,292
LISA:
Who? Alex?

286
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,597
- The boy that everybody loves?
- Yes.

287
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,089
He's crowd-pleasing and he's cute.

288
00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:33,071
Women in the audience
toss their thick glasses at him.

289
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:35,490
I'm not throwing a spelling bee.

290
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,753
I'll die before I misspell.

291
00:14:38,212 --> 00:14:39,452
Be reasonable, Lisa.

292
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,622
If you take a dive,
we'll guarantee you a scholarship...

293
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,479
...to the Seven Sisters college
of your choice.

294
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:50,620
- Oh, free college?
- And a hot plate. It's perfect for soup.

295
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,641
Throw the bee and go to college.

296
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,603
Throw the bee and go to college.

297
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:14,456
We are the Seven Sisters,
and you could attend any one of us.

298
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,647
Like Barnard, Columbia's girl next door.

299
00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:21,724
- Come to Radcliffe, meet Harvard men.
- Come to Wellesley, marry them.

300
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,393
No, party with me.

301
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:27,917
- Or non-conform with me.
- Huh?

302
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:31,411
- Play lacrosse with me.
- Or explore with me.

303
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,068
Mm.

304
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,687
No, I don't wanna pay for college
by throwing a spelling bee.

305
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:38,668
[IN UNISON]
Give in, Lisa.

306
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,410
- Get a free ride.
- And a hot plate.

307
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:46,488
- Free ride. Free ride. Free ride.
- And a hot plate.

308
00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:48,375
[LISA AND MARGE SCREAM]

309
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:52,327
- What is it, sweetie?
- Mom, I'm having a crisis of conscience.

310
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:55,122
Can you and Dad afford
to send me to college?

311
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,905
Oh, sure.

312
00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:59,522
I mean, not on your father's salary.

313
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:04,329
- But I could, um, give piano lessons.
- But you don't play the piano.

314
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,509
I just gotta stay one lesson ahead
of the kid.

315
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:08,927
[SIGHS]

316
00:16:09,261 --> 00:16:13,651
Well, I suppose I could
just skip college and marry Milhouse.

317
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,801
I know this is a fantasy, but I'll take it.
Ha, ha.

318
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:19,427
No, forget it.

319
00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,409
No! I'll never be this happy again!

320
00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:24,224
[SOBS]

321
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,475
Hey, man, can you turn me on?

322
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:38,697
Hey, don't borgnine my sandwich.

323
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,502
[HORN HONKS]

324
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,389
Hey, hey.

325
00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:45,328
It's the guy from the drive-through.

326
00:16:46,465 --> 00:16:48,811
Yeah. I'd like three Ribwiches,
a Diet Coke...

327
00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:53,076
Will you get out of my...?
Look, uh, about the Ribwich.

328
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,380
There aren't gonna be any more.

329
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,154
The animal we made them from
is now extinct.

330
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,738
- The pig?
- The cow?

331
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,084
You're way off.

332
00:17:01,438 --> 00:17:02,898
Think smaller.

333
00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:05,254
- Think more legs.
ALL: Ew.

334
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:08,591
People, we went
through something magical together.

335
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,062
It's not important
who got rich off of whom...

336
00:17:11,532 --> 00:17:13,106
...or who was exposed to tainted what.

337
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:15,285
And because you believed
in my dream...

338
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:19,331
...I want you to fight over
the last Ribwich ever made. Here.

339
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,281
[HOMER GRUNTING]

340
00:17:21,667 --> 00:17:23,564
Welcome to the real world, hippies.

341
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,965
Wow, what a long, strange
product rollout it's been. Goodbye.

342
00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:31,885
Hmm?

343
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:33,908
[GRUMBLES]

344
00:17:35,973 --> 00:17:38,016
Man, you got the last Ribwich.

345
00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:39,799
I'll give you anything for it.

346
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,896
Please. I'll get you four days
and three nights at a Comfort Inn.

347
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,867
Anywhere in the lower 48 states.

348
00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:47,432
Blackout dates,
December 19th through January 5th.

349
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:49,914
I give you the lease to my car.

350
00:17:50,404 --> 00:17:52,520
Ah! Lisa. Is this what I've come to?

351
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:56,034
Fighting over a stupid sandwich
on my daughter's big day?

352
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:59,569
Mister, I'll take that car.

353
00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:01,988
That's nice.

354
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:03,500
Aha.

355
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:05,408
Mm, mm.

356
00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,610
I have the buyer's remorse.

357
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:22,060
All right. Your word is "weather."

358
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:25,001
Which one?
Can you use it in a sentence?

359
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:29,213
Certainly. "I don't know whether
the weather will improve."

360
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:31,872
Uh... Ooh.

361
00:18:32,321 --> 00:18:33,374
W...

362
00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:36,168
Uh, um... E...

363
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,983
[BUZZER BUZZES]

364
00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:43,008
Alex, your word is "rigged"...

365
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,918
...as in, "This contest is rigged."

366
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:50,088
R-I-G-G-E-D. Rigged.

367
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,111
Bravo, my pet.

368
00:18:52,508 --> 00:18:53,675
You shall be champion...

369
00:18:54,051 --> 00:18:57,377
...assuming Lisa
misspells this next word.

370
00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:00,432
The word is "intransigence."

371
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,206
- Could I please hear it in a sentence?
- Certainly.

372
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:08,159
"The little girl's intransigence
cost her the college of her choice."

373
00:19:09,358 --> 00:19:11,328
Intransigence. I...

374
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:14,050
Daddy made it for your dance recital,
honey.

375
00:19:14,530 --> 00:19:16,208
Dad, you do care.

376
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:19,295
Damn right.
You're number one on my menu.

377
00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,036
Now super size it.

378
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:23,090
With you here, I can't fail.

379
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,134
Attention, everyone.

380
00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:28,575
I was asked to take a dive,
but I won't do it.

381
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:32,944
I-N-T-R-A-N-S-I-G-A-N-C-E.

382
00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:35,978
You fool, it's E-N-C-E.

383
00:19:36,510 --> 00:19:39,075
Oh, my God, you're right.
I spelled it wrong.

384
00:19:39,638 --> 00:19:44,142
- I tried my best and I failed.
- And now you lose everything.

385
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:47,323
And I go back to whatever it is I do.

386
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,066
[SIGHS]

387
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,819
Lisa, honey,
you spelled the word wrong...

388
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,717
...but you did the right thing.

389
00:19:56,113 --> 00:20:00,033
Yeah. You're the number one speller
in this car, or in that car...

390
00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:03,276
...or in that car, or...
Don't look at that car.

391
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,080
[SIGHS]

392
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:08,083
My one chance for everyone
to like me and I blew it.

393
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:09,543
Wha...?

394
00:20:12,004 --> 00:20:13,359
SKINNER:
Two cheers for Lisa.

395
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,215
- Hip, hip...
- Hooray!

396
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,134
- Hip, hip...
- Hooray!

397
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,271
Now deep breath and quiet.

398
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,513
You mean you're all still proud of me?

399
00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:23,234
Lisa, with second place...

400
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:25,569
...you're the biggest winner
this town ever had.

401
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:28,656
Before you, it was the woman
who dated Charles Grodin.

402
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:31,826
You have made me feel so wonderful.

403
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:33,640
Thank you, Springfield.

404
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:36,069
We've got another surprise for you.

405
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:40,042
BART: <i>Ay, caramba.</i>
- Ah! That's amazing. Thank you.

406
00:21:49,268 --> 00:21:50,143
[English - US -SDH]