1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:05,360
CHORUS [SINGS]:
The Simpsons
2
00:00:05,923 --> 00:00:07,049
A Star Is Born Again
3
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,084
D'oh! Ah!
4
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,477
Come on, come on,
let's get to the beach.
5
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,906
[GROANS]
6
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,617
Hold your horses. I was up all night
fishing out the drawstring...
7
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,734
...from your father's swimsuit.
8
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,059
It came out again.
9
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,748
[GROANS]
10
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:43,158
Well, I'm all set. I'm gonna be following
the latest designs...
11
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,098
...from Modern Sandcastle Magazine.
12
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:47,840
Well, I'm all set too.
13
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,894
[BART CHUCKLES]
14
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,907
Then all that's left
is to protect Maggie from the sun.
15
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,129
[MARGE HUMMING]
16
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,991
I think she needs a diaper change.
17
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,400
Well, it ain't happening today.
18
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:10,936
Look, everybody, here they come.
19
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,408
Once again we celebrate
Springfield's most beloved event.
20
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,703
For each year,
on the third Tuesday of May sweeps...
21
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:21,102
...we witness the return
of the stinging red jellyfish.
22
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[ALL CHEERING]
23
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,164
What a sight. It happens every year...
24
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,833
...like the swallows
returning to Capistrano.
25
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,242
Or the Fox network
getting a new president.
26
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,932
I made a new friend.
27
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,435
[RALPH YELLS THEN GROANS]
28
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,616
I'm going to Africa...
29
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:51,486
...to see lions and giraffes and monkeys
and Santa and gorillas and...
30
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:55,261
Daddy, why is everyone so happy
the jellyfish are back?
31
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:59,234
Well, in the old days, people thought
jellyfish venom had curative properties.
32
00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,809
Now we know
it just makes things a lot worse.
33
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,854
- Like laser eye surgery?
- Exactly.
34
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,096
[ALL CHUCKLE]
35
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:08,420
[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
36
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:12,382
[SINGING]
Jellyfish, along you came
37
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,834
And right away I'm stunned
38
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:20,787
Sweet words I long to whisper
39
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,415
But you've paralyzed my tongue
40
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,397
Oh, what a magical evening.
41
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:31,412
The moonlight, the music, the water.
42
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:35,145
Enough talk. Dip me, my love.
43
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,314
[MARGE GRUNTING]
44
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:39,754
Lower. Lower.
45
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,550
Lower.
46
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,450
Ah. This is as romantic
as the night I proposed.
47
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:51,098
Maybe we can have this band play
at our wedding.
48
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,080
I was hoping we could use
this audio cassette.
49
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:58,408
- Seymour, we've got to have a band.
- Fine. But no cake.
50
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:02,099
Sarah, you're as lovely
as the day I first arrested you.
51
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,445
Oh, Clancy, ha, ha.
52
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,312
You know, I planted that crystal meth
just to meet you.
53
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,168
I was so shy.
54
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,788
Ah, well, Sea Captain, looks like
you and I are sailing solo tonight?
55
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:15,936
Are you hitting on me?
56
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,616
Because I don't do that...on land.
57
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,661
Well, guess I might as well head back
to my store.
58
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:27,228
I got a date with some twins,
the state and federal tax forms.
59
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:34,412
Poor Ned.
This is his first Jellyfish Festival alone.
60
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:37,697
I know.
And it doesn't get any easier from here.
61
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:43,609
There's the Tongue Kissing Festival,
Cinco de Ocho, the Hobo Oscars.
62
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,602
Days just made for lovers.
63
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,552
Not widowers, lovers.
64
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:08,613
"Form of business"?
65
00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:09,833
[SIGHS]
66
00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:11,376
Sole proprietorship.
67
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,504
"Owner's marital status"?
68
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,006
Happily married to a dead woman.
69
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,414
[FOOTSTEPS]
70
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,332
Excuse me. Are you open?
71
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,657
Mm-hm. Open as a tomb on Easter.
72
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:23,889
What can I ding-dong-diddily do
for you?
73
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:25,224
[CHUCKLES]
74
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,132
Boy, they don't make them
like you in L.A.
75
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,435
Oh, I should say not.
76
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,876
I gave up on L.A. when those TV people
made that poor nun fly.
77
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,192
All those Puerto Ricans
looking up her dress. That's not right.
78
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,683
[CHUCKLES]
79
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,217
Do you have any left-handed
eyelash curlers?
80
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,167
Do I?
81
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,805
No, I don't.
But I can have them here by Tuesday.
82
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:48,132
Well...
For now, I'll take a left-handed crimper.
83
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:52,584
[GASPS]
84
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,127
Why, you are gorgeous.
85
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,226
- You don't know who I am, do you?
- I sure do.
86
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,688
You're the most important person in
the world because you're my customer.
87
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,429
[CHUCKLES]
88
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,630
Are you for real?
89
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,673
I'm as real as the nose on your face.
90
00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:10,488
Yeah. Real.
91
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:11,874
[CLANGS]
92
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,168
Well, it looks good.
And it sounds pretty too.
93
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,213
Thanks. I'll see you later.
94
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,520
I'm here for a while
and I don't really know anyone.
95
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,835
Would you like to have dinner
tomorrow?
96
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:27,400
A woman asking a man out?
97
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,413
Well. Well, why not?
98
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,655
And maybe I'll eat my steak
with a spoon.
99
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,866
Call me. I'm staying
at the Springfield Four Seasons.
100
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:38,390
[WHISPERS]
Ask for Zelda Fitzgerald.
101
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,894
What the...?
That's a pseu-diddilyeudonym.
102
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,783
[SINGING] Well, I've got a date
With a girl with no name
103
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:49,099
It sure feels good
To be back in the game
104
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,540
At dessert
Maybe I can ask her her name
105
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,595
Because I can't pray for her
Without the right name
106
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,014
Ba-doo-doo-doo-doo...
107
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,464
[GASPS]
108
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,993
I've got a date with a movie star?
109
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,298
Sure you do. And I'm going
apple picking with Scooby-Doo.
110
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,561
[CHUCKLES]
111
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,952
[SNORING]
112
00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,070
[COUGHS]
113
00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,323
NED:
Psst! Homer.
114
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:28,910
Flanders. Can't a man just drink alone
on a Wednesday morning?
115
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,432
I need your advice.
116
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,226
It's about a lady.
117
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:33,664
Ooh. Ha, ha.
118
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:37,752
Let me guess. Skinner's mother?
She sure knows how to swing it.
119
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,808
No, it's Sara Sloane.
I have a date with her tonight.
120
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,498
Sara Sloane? The movie star?
121
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:48,544
Yup. Why would that Twinkie wanna
go out with a Ding Dong like me?
122
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,766
Flanders, I mix Twinkies
and Ding Dongs all the time.
123
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,758
In Europe, they call it a Dinkie.
124
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:57,678
Well, sir, that's very encouraging,
but I can't date a movie star.
125
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,754
I'm no Arthur Miller or Lyle Lovett.
126
00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,652
Now, wait just a minute.
127
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,238
I used to worry
Marge was too good for me.
128
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,845
She was always thinking of ways
to improve me.
129
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:12,224
But then part of her died
and she doesn't try anymore.
130
00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:14,257
So we're all where we wanna be.
131
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,907
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
132
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:21,056
I'm sorry for the disguise, Ned.
I don't wanna cause a commotion.
133
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,027
Excuse me, Miss Sloane.
May I have an autograph?
134
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:24,757
Excuse me, Miss Sloane.
May I have an autograph?
135
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,927
- Sure.
- Oh, man, this is going right on eBay.
136
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,398
I mean, my wall,
which I will sell on eBay.
137
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,984
Sad to say, this isn't the worst I get.
138
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:36,644
Oh, oh, can I just push this plastic cast
onto one of your boobs?
139
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,719
Okay. Now you are the worst.
140
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,724
Rod says "Marco." And darn it
if Todd doesn't say "Polo" right back.
141
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,288
[GASPS]
142
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,937
Oh, listen to me just
running my gums about my kids.
143
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,001
You're probably bored silly.
144
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:53,359
No. It's a nice change
from all the actors I usually date.
145
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,707
All they wanna talk about is their Botox,
their Tae Bo or their Xbox.
146
00:07:58,437 --> 00:07:59,344
Huh.
147
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,065
Sara, there's something
I've been dying to do all night.
148
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:05,131
So let's just get it over with now
and hold hands.
149
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,008
[CHUCKLES]
150
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,376
SARA:
Mm.
151
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,338
Heaven's gate. I'm gonna be tasting
you on my moustache for a week.
152
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,079
Wanna try for a month?
153
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,280
BOTH:
Mm.
154
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,745
Sara Sloane has been involved
with every Tinseltown hunk...
155
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,237
...from Affleck to Zmed.
156
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,355
Well, yeah. She's had more stars on her
than Lisa's homework.
157
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:32,846
Mm-mm-mm.
158
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,900
Now she's dating Mr. Flanders.
159
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,923
That's so romantic.
160
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,779
Who the hell is Mr. Flanders?
161
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,449
Oh, Flanders.
162
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:42,856
[RINGS]
163
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,339
Hello. Yes, I'm Ned Flanders'
close personal friend.
164
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,664
That's right. Hot and heavy.
165
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,614
They've never been happier.
166
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,491
Oh, yeah, she does look pregnant.
167
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:56,974
Now, who might you be? A tabloid?
Is that one of those really strong mints?
168
00:08:57,746 --> 00:08:59,206
Hello? Hello?
169
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,323
ROD & TODD [SINGING]:
Jesus is the rock
170
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:04,607
That rolls my blues away
Shooby-dooby, yeah, shooby-dooby
171
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,964
You guys are jamming.
172
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,809
Ah! Daddy, she swore.
173
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,196
[CHUCKLES]
174
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:13,335
You know,
I grew up in a house like this.
175
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:16,640
I didn't know there were
people like you left in the world.
176
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,455
Ha, ha, yup. We occupy
that useless mass of land...
177
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:22,834
...between Los Angeles and New York
called America.
178
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:24,314
[DOORBELL RINGS]
179
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,660
Ned, I'm not sure
you should open the door.
180
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:30,706
Oh, if someone took the time to press
that button, this is the least I can do.
181
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,521
- Are you sleeping with Sara Sloane?
- Is that moustache real?
182
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,753
Do you plan to kill Sara
like your last wife?
183
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:37,411
[STAMMERS]
184
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,081
It's the tabloids. Everybody, run.
185
00:09:41,665 --> 00:09:43,855
WOMAN 1: Hey, come back.
MAN 1: Pose, pose.
186
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:47,045
Your carpeted floor
feels good on my toes.
187
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:52,165
MAN 2:
Come on. Let's concoct more lies.
188
00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:01,372
DIRECTOR: Zookeeper's Wife,
scene 102, take one. Action.
189
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,218
Kiss me, Diego.
190
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,793
But your husband's animals
are watching.
191
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,661
Where do you think
I learned to do this?
192
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:10,871
Mm.
193
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,751
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
194
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,358
This movie is turning into
Sponge Bob No Pants.
195
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:21,132
- Ugh, cut.
- Sir, there's no reason...
196
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:24,009
...Sara needs to do this scene
in the altogether.
197
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:25,594
Sam, he's got a point.
198
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,784
Katharine Hepburn
never showed her breasts.
199
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:31,652
- There's still time.
- I want a rewrite with no nudity.
200
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,353
All right. But you're gonna
have to kiss a woman.
201
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,960
Deal. Ned, we won.
202
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,733
Yup. All we gotta do
is turn that woman into a fella...
203
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:43,894
- ...and that kiss into a game of Scrabble.
- You are so sweet to look out for me.
204
00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:48,597
The public may not see me naked
but you just might.
205
00:10:49,358 --> 00:10:54,227
Ha, ha, well, that's, uh,
very interesting, uh...
206
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:58,002
Easy, Ned.
Think of the Bible.
207
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,207
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
208
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:14,070
[CLEARING THROAT]
209
00:11:14,967 --> 00:11:17,782
Miss Sloane, I loved you
in Sleeping with Pinocchio...
210
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:20,326
...and Honey,
I Scotchgarded the Kids.
211
00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:23,736
Thanks. I grew really close to the
actress who played my daughter.
212
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,582
- I think she's in France or something.
- Hmm.
213
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:29,523
And, Ned, I haven't seen you
this happy in years.
214
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,045
Mm-hm.
215
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,777
I haven't felt this good
since we stole the 2000 election.
216
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:36,259
Hey, don't blame me.
I voted for the green M&M.
217
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:37,646
[CAMERAS CLICKING]
218
00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:39,085
Ah! The paparazzi.
219
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,274
I thought we fooled them
with our Cher-crow.
220
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,756
[CHER'S "GYPSIES, TRAMPS AND
THIEVES" PLAYING ON STEREO]
221
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,509
Gypsies, tramps and thieves
We'd hear it from the people
222
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,542
MAN:
Are you aware your daughter's gay?
223
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:51,743
- Boy, those guys are such leeches.
- Moe, what are you doing here?
224
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:56,039
Can't your old buddy, Moe, stop by with
questions from the Weekly World News?
225
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,907
Uh, number one:
Sara, is it true you shoplifted a kayak?
226
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:02,973
I'll have you know she pays
full price for her watercraft.
227
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:07,321
- Rainier Wolfcastle.
- My ex-boyfriend.
228
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,126
Sara, Liebchen, take me back.
229
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,098
If tears could burst
through my muscular ducts...
230
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:16,393
...I would cry like a baby
who was just hit by a hammer.
231
00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:18,926
Rainier, you're too jealous.
232
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,669
You beat up Jon Lovitz
because he presented me an award.
233
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:25,235
Oh, come on. No one
misses a handshake that badly.
234
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:28,759
Sorry. I found someone nice
who doesn't talk like a freak.
235
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:30,803
Exact-a-tically-tacally.
236
00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:33,702
My libido has been terminated.
237
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,048
Ned, I've never met a man like you.
238
00:12:36,507 --> 00:12:39,760
You're sensitive. You're in great shape.
You have a moustache.
239
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,553
And yet you're not gay.
240
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,138
Oh, no way.
241
00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:46,371
I won't even eat vegetables
over 2 inches long.
242
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:51,000
So anyway, uh, hmm,
your movie's wrapping up soon.
243
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,879
I guess you'll be heading out
on the first bus to the airport.
244
00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:58,383
If you ride with a friend,
you can save 20 bucks.
245
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,040
Ned, I know this is fast.
246
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,783
When I go back to Hollywood,
I want you to come with me.
247
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:06,109
Ned Flanders in Tinseltown?
248
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:28,194
- Ned, I'm James L. Brooks.
- Oh, can I call you Jim?
249
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,769
James L. Brooks is good.
How about some sponge cake?
250
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:33,355
- Well, I can't see the harm.
- With a brandy glaze?
251
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:34,731
[CHUCKLES]
252
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,421
No!
253
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,391
Perhaps you'd like a football game.
254
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,790
- We don't have a team.
- No!
255
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,200
Hey, daddy baby.
256
00:13:45,576 --> 00:13:48,141
- We're movie producers now.
- And we're Jewish.
257
00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:49,757
ROD & TODD:
Yay!
258
00:13:50,122 --> 00:13:51,947
[SCREAMS]
259
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,399
Sara, I'm sorry.
But I can't move to Hollywood.
260
00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,412
Heck, even Dollywood's
too far out for me.
261
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:02,645
Too many people
appreciating it ironically.
262
00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:07,347
Well, then I'm staying in Springfield
with you for good.
263
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:11,987
Oh, forgive my language.
But, uh, I'm one happy camper.
264
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:13,739
BOTH:
Mm.
265
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,623
Dude,
what's it like kissing a movie star?
266
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,126
What's it like kissing a woman?
267
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:27,889
[SIREN WAILING]
268
00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:34,322
- What seems to be the problem, officer?
- Problem is I can't seem to get an agent.
269
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,263
Ha. Could you give your girlfriend
my headshot?
270
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:41,121
Uh, that's me as a greaser,
emperor of China, Eleanor Roosevelt...
271
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,291
...very regal, and now just plain me
with an eye patch.
272
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,157
I'll give it to my agent.
273
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:48,972
I don't do TV.
274
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,111
Sure is nice to be shopping
for a woman again.
275
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,540
Last thing I bought for a lady
was a casket.
276
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,106
Sir, would you ask your sweetheart
to sign her autograph for me?
277
00:14:58,690 --> 00:14:59,598
Well, of course...
278
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,392
Wait a minute.
This is to adopt two of your kids.
279
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:04,144
Oh, so it is.
280
00:15:04,488 --> 00:15:06,646
I've already dumped three
on Mia Farrow.
281
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,252
Sucker.
282
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,817
Look. It's celebrity boy toy,
Ned Flanders...
283
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:12,819
...and his arm candy, Sara Sloane.
284
00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:15,958
Miss Sloane, how are you handling
the change from la-la land...
285
00:15:16,542 --> 00:15:17,417
...to blah-blah land?
286
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,493
Lisa, Springfield isn't
a cultural wasteland.
287
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,319
Part of Stroker Ace
was filmed at our airport.
288
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:29,106
And, um... Oh, there's our ladies' book
club. Sara, you're welcome to come.
289
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,066
Oh, I'd love to.
290
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,558
Another scoop.
291
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,790
Sara Sloane
to attend girl-on-girl book club.
292
00:15:36,395 --> 00:15:38,261
Ho-ho, Moe, you lovable loser.
293
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:41,327
You just made yourself $5. Whoo-hoo!
294
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,319
Today's book is Bridget
Jones's Diary.
295
00:15:44,862 --> 00:15:48,375
Now, let's go around the room
and analyze why we didn't read it.
296
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,816
- Cramps.
- All my friends are dead.
297
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:55,445
Well, then,
I guess it's time for margaritas.
298
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:59,418
Well, I wish someone had read the book
since I did invite the author...
299
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,129
- ...Helen Fielding.
- Oh, never mind.
300
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,788
As long as they bought the book,
I'll get the money.
301
00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:07,749
Besides,
most Americans can't understand...
302
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,272
...the sophisticated subtlety
of British humor.
303
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,118
I bid you good day.
304
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,308
[THEME FROM
"THE BENNY HILL SHOW" PLAYING]
305
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,932
Hop to it, honey.
If we get to the Pops concert early...
306
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,935
...we can give up our seats
to some old people.
307
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,237
Daddy, where do babies come from?
308
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:40,970
Sweetie, that's not the kind of dress
you wear outdoors or indoors...
309
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,128
...or in a dirty dream.
310
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,671
Oh, loosen up, honey.
311
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:47,309
This dress
just creates the illusion of nudity.
312
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,073
Well, Siegfried and Roy
create a lot of illusions...
313
00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:52,346
...but I doubt
their girlfriends dress like that.
314
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:03,419
She should be ashamed.
315
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:06,193
That's disgusting.
Don't look, Seymour.
316
00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:08,966
- I'm a veteran, Mother.
- A veteran bed wetter.
317
00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:10,437
Mother.
318
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:14,034
Sara, I hate to say it,
but your top's upstaging the Pops.
319
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:17,329
Fine. I'll wear your stupid jacket.
320
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,295
HOMER:
Ah.
321
00:17:25,671 --> 00:17:26,984
[GRUNTS]
322
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:28,569
Oh!
323
00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:29,946
Ah.
324
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,176
Oh!
325
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:32,824
Ah.
326
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,096
Oh!
327
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:35,931
Ah.
328
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:38,965
Sara, I love you, but...
329
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:42,792
...I get the feeling you're just not a
Ned-head tonight. Is something wrong?
330
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,356
[SIGHS]
331
00:17:44,690 --> 00:17:45,743
Actually, there is something.
332
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,673
The time we've spent together
has been wonderful...
333
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,769
...but I want sex with you.
334
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:55,847
Uh, well, that's, uh,
a mighty big kettle of, uh...
335
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:57,609
[SIGHS]
336
00:17:57,953 --> 00:18:00,111
...premarital, uh, doodly. Ha, ha.
337
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:01,717
I knew you'd say that.
338
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,292
I need a glass of wine.
339
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:05,794
Oh!
340
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,629
Ah.
341
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,871
This is quite a dil-diddly-lemma.
342
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,499
I better talk this over
with the big man.
343
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:17,108
Homer, Sara wants us to have S-E-X.
344
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:20,924
Stupid Flanders, I'm not giving you
any of my secret moves.
345
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,947
Well, I'm not sure I wanna do it.
346
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:26,242
I mean, who will buy the cow
when you get the milk for free?
347
00:18:26,857 --> 00:18:28,139
You know, the cow being me.
348
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:31,163
Flanders, I'm always interested
in talking about free milk.
349
00:18:31,737 --> 00:18:34,041
And if there's cookies involved,
so much the better.
350
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,867
Hmm.
351
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,413
Ned, look.
352
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:44,572
I know I said I wanted this.
But I don't want you to do anything...
353
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,544
- ...you're uncomfortable with.
- I consulted my Bible...
354
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,203
...and found verses
supporting what you wanna do...
355
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:51,997
...and a lot of verses against it.
356
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,061
[WIND WHISTLING]
357
00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:00,807
What does that one say, Ned?
358
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:06,501
It says a man should make restitution
if he eats his neighbor's grain.
359
00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:08,795
And that's good enough for me.
360
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:11,537
[BOTH MOANING]
361
00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:18,627
Whoa. Wow.
362
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:21,192
That made me completely forget
about Bob Balaban.
363
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:22,579
[CHUCKLES]
364
00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:25,405
- That's what Maude used to say.
- A girl could get used to that.
365
00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:29,326
Well, and you will
right after the wedding.
366
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,016
You wanna get married?
367
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,372
Mm-hm. That's right.
I'm like Baskin-Robbins.
368
00:19:34,842 --> 00:19:37,292
You get one free taste,
then you gotta buy the scoop.
369
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:43,798
Ned, I love you.
But I'm not ready to be tied down.
370
00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:47,072
I love you too. And I always will.
But unlike the Bible...
371
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:51,087
...I guess this ain't gonna have
a happy ending. I'm sorry.
372
00:19:51,775 --> 00:19:52,797
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
373
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:56,154
Oh, darn the luck.
That sounds like the Lupus Fun Run.
374
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,763
Ha, ha! Fight Lupus.
375
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,507
Screen siren Sara Sloane
shocked Tinseltown last night...
376
00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:08,417
...with a midnight marriage to
Gosford Park megahunk, Bob Balaban.
377
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:09,960
[GASPS]
378
00:20:10,294 --> 00:20:12,410
This was followed three hours later
by a quickie divorce.
379
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:15,486
Ah. I bet we would have lasted
twice that long.
380
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,295
Poor Ned, gardening away his misery.
381
00:20:22,931 --> 00:20:25,528
His answer's not at the bottom
of a hedge.
382
00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:31,012
Hey, Hollywood, call me.
My number's on the bench.
383
00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:32,952
[CROW CAWS]
384
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,194
It's the darnedest thing.
385
00:20:35,569 --> 00:20:37,467
Women love you
when you've dated a movie star.
386
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,552
I'm very happy for you, Ned.
387
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,012
Me too.
388
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:42,795
[THEME FROM
"THE BENNY HILL SHOW" PLAYING]
389
00:20:43,202 --> 00:20:46,236
Uh-oh. Here comes Helen Fielding.
390
00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:07,945
Jellyfish
I held you close
391
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:10,917
And told you I love you
392
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:15,640
But then
The ocean took you back
393
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:20,249
And now
I just hold goo
394
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:24,576
Jellyfish
I held you close
395
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:28,580
And said
Thatl love you
396
00:21:29,248 --> 00:21:33,460
But then
The ocean took you back
397
00:21:34,253 --> 00:21:37,912
My jelly
I'll miss you
398
00:21:38,632 --> 00:21:40,311
For now
399
00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:46,035
I just hold goo
400
00:21:56,108 --> 00:21:56,984
[English - US -SDH]