1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,328
CHORUS [SINGS]:
<i>The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,090
Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington

3
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D'oh! Ah!

4
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ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: <i>We return to a</i>
<i>late episode of </i>The Three Stooges:

5
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<i>"Brittle Boneheads."</i>

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[CURLY GRUNTS]

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MOE: <i>There.</i>
<i>- Unh.</i>

8
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<i>Take it easy, Moe.</i>

9
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<i>He don't have health insurance.</i>

10
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<i>Take that, you... You, um...</i>

11
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<i>- Chowderhead?</i>
<i>- Thanks, for nothing, unh.</i>

12
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<i>Ha, ha, that was my paralyzed side.</i>

13
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<i>Oh, stroke victim, eh? Unh.</i>

14
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<i>Please, Moe.</i>
<i>I don't wanna do this no more.</i>

15
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,558
<i>Get up, Curly Four.</i>

16
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<i>- Curly Four?</i>
<i>- I need a quarter for the bus.</i>

17
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[LAUGHS]

18
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Droll.

19
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Hmm? Hmm... Hmm.

20
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Mm, mm.

21
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Promo.

22
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Ew! Fox.

23
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[RUMBLING]

24
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<i>Now, I got you...</i>

25
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[BOTH GASP]

26
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Unh, not the swear jar.

27
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It's the only thing holding back
the filth.

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Nutty fudgkins.

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[SQUIRREL CHATTERS]

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[RUMBLING CONTINUES]

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[SQUEAKING]

32
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[SHOUTING]
Do you hear a noise?

33
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[SHOUTING]
What?

34
00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:00,214
Why is that jet flying
so close to our house?

35
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,080
Why don't you ask those guys?

36
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If I stop pedaling, I'll die.

37
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,414
But it still beats U.S. Air, ha, ha.

38
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,938
The people there don't know
how to make a flight.

39
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They must've moved the flight paths
over our house.

40
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This is a private jet.

41
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:28,086
Why do we gotta watch <i>The Divine</i>
<i>Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood?</i>

42
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The boss.
He's got a thing for the ya-yas.

43
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[WHIMPERING]

44
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,843
Why was I born a man?

45
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[RUMBLING]

46
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,643
Ew! I got Bart's veal.

47
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,104
I got Lisa's plankton kebobs.

48
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Ew! Marge germs.

49
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Maggie, give me that.

50
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:51,505
[BELCHES]

51
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,800
How much longer
is this going to go on?

52
00:02:55,425 --> 00:03:00,149
I'm gonna go calm my nerves
with a nice relaxing shave.

53
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,558
Tissues, please.

54
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:06,666
Get out of my airspace.

55
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:10,764
Dad, why don't you go
to the airport authority and complain?

56
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,714
I'm on my way.

57
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,789
You man the rake.

58
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[HOMER SCREAMS]

59
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:17,854
[CAT MEOWS]

60
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[COW MOOS]

61
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,839
This is not a Delta hub.

62
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Go up to Room 915
and ask for form 1790.

63
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:34,767
We've already been to Room 915.
We've already filled out form 1790.

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00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,488
It was an application
to open a Cinnabon stand.

65
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:41,847
Look, can you please just tell us
why you've changed the flight paths?

66
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,058
Uh, look, they were changed...

67
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,510
...because it disturbed local wildlife
and their mating rituals.

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00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,784
QUIMBY: Vote Quimby. Vote Quimby.
Vote Quimby. Ahh!

69
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:55,830
Without those noisy planes,
I can finally hear my kitten purr.

70
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:59,823
Thanks a million, Joe.
You're the swellest.

71
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,617
That's your voice?

72
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,484
Now, I regret building you
that opera house.

73
00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:08,040
There has to be a solution
that pleases everyone.

74
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:10,928
From ducks and trees
to you's and me's.

75
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,180
Are you threatening
a government official?

76
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:16,267
- No.
- Good. Because we're the government.

77
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:20,761
We make the laws. We print the money.
And we breed the super-soldiers.

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00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:23,774
So go home, learn to live with it,
pay your taxes...

79
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...and remember, you didn't hear
about super-soldiers.

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[RUMBLING]

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[LISA SHUDDERING]

82
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There's the 1050 from Newark.

83
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The 1052 from Phoenix,
connecting from Dallas.

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00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:43,325
The 1055 from Portland
is running late. Again.

85
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,734
There it is. Ha, ha.

86
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:49,571
Homer, we haven't gotten
a good night's sleep in weeks.

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The dog has eaten all its hair.

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[GROWLS]

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And the fixtures won't stay
in one place.

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I've had this dream before.

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[SHUDDERING]

92
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,775
I never thought I would say this.

93
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,725
But I think we have to move.

94
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,769
Never.

95
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,047
Stay plugged in. I will find you.

96
00:05:19,945 --> 00:05:21,551
Cookie, think you can sell this house?

97
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,928
Well, it'll be tough, but I can do it.

98
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:25,982
Cookie's number one
on the West Side.

99
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,860
- But this is the East Side.
- Who is this lady?

100
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,737
COOKIE:
Hmm, hmm?

101
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,062
Why are you selling your house?

102
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,773
Occasionally you might hear
a faint roar.

103
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,348
[APU & MANJULA GASP]

104
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[RUMBLING]

105
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[BOTH GASP]

106
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See? It all works out.

107
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:52,040
I'll give you three crayons
and my milk.

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It's a good offer.
I advise you to take it.

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Hmm, make that a chocolate milk
and you got a deal.

110
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I'm walking away.

111
00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:05,073
We can't sell the house.
We can't live here.

112
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:06,596
What are we going to do?

113
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,483
Why don't we go to our congressman?

114
00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:09,786
That's a great idea.

115
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,695
Why didn't you say something before?

116
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,937
I've been saying it for three weeks,
but every time I open my mouth...

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[RUMBLING]

118
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- What?
- What?

119
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:26,334
The shaking's so bad, all my omelets
have become frittatas.

120
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:30,234
That's the saddest story I've heard
in my 75 years of public service.

121
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:34,113
It makes my blood boil
and my left arm feel numb.

122
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:36,125
Also I taste copper.

123
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[GRUNTS]

124
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Quick. Someone perform CPR.

125
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,091
Uh...

126
00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,312
[SINGING]
<i>I see a bad moon rising</i>

127
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,387
- That's CCR.
- Uh, uh...

128
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,014
<i>It looks like we're
in for nasty weather</i>

129
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,183
<i>Congressman Wilcox</i>
<i>was laid to rest today.</i>

130
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,697
<i>Special election will be held</i>
<i>to fill his seat.</i>

131
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,471
I guess there's only one way out
of our problems:

132
00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,639
A murder/suicide pact.

133
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,548
How can you say that?

134
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:05,008
It's just an expression, Marge.

135
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:06,937
ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:
<i>You're watching Channel 6...</i>

136
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,950
<i>...Springfield's home</i>
<i>of Krusty the Klown.</i>

137
00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:11,212
<i>Now on three times a day.</i>

138
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:14,247
<i>Because at Channel 6,</i>
<i>we got nothing else.</i>

139
00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:16,854
Hey, Krusty should run for Congress.

140
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:18,929
He could help us with the airplanes.

141
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:22,140
Yeah, and entertainers
are always winning elections.

142
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:25,769
Jesse 'The Body' Ventura,
Sonny Bono, Gopher from <i>Love Boat.</i>

143
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,281
Mary Bono...

144
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,034
Sure I'll help you, kid.

145
00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:34,799
Take a picture of me
and my number one dying fan.

146
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,157
Ha, ha.

147
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:43,432
Have your mom mail back the hat after,
uh, you know...

148
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,372
I'm not dying.

149
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,792
Yeah, that's the spirit. Keep fighting.
Where's my chai latte?

150
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,367
Krusty, we need you to run
for Congress.

151
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,786
Congress? But I hate the government.

152
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:56,456
They've been on my back
like hump on granny.

153
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,542
IRS, ATF, Immigration...

154
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,012
Immigration?

155
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,181
Oh, uh, Teeny here is from Brazil.

156
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,069
His uncle was the head monkey
at the Bureau of Tourism.

157
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,697
But if you get elected,
you can change all that...

158
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:11,356
...stop those airplanes
from flying over my house.

159
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:15,600
Yeah. I could even tell the FCC
to take a hike.

160
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:18,895
Look at this list of words
they won't let me say on the air.

161
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:20,886
Oh, all the good ones.

162
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,232
Hmm, I never even heard
of number nine.

163
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,350
It's doing 13
while she's elevening your five.

164
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:29,489
- Can I keep this?
- Sure, no 12 off my ass.

165
00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:31,730
[VULTURE CAWS]

166
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:34,827
Welcome, fellow Republicans.

167
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,049
To start with, Brother Hibbert
will read a report on our efforts...

168
00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:40,437
...to rename everything
after Ronald Reagan.

169
00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,315
"All Millard Fillmore Schools
are now Ronald Reagans.

170
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,089
The Mississippi River
is now the Mississippi Reagan.

171
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:50,708
And my good friend Frankenstein
is now Frankenreagan. Bleh!

172
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:54,201
Excellent. Now, to the matter at hand.

173
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:57,308
Whom will we put up
for young Wilcox's Congressional seat?

174
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,290
Gentlemen, I am your candidate.

175
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,283
Maybe Bob Dole should run.
Bob Dole thinks Bob Dole should.

176
00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:06,505
Bob Dole likes to hear Bob Dole
talk about Bob Dole.

177
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:07,996
Bob Dole.

178
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,040
ALL [CHANTING]:
<i>We want Krusty</i>

179
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:11,854
<i>We want Krusty</i>

180
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,501
Uh, just one thing.

181
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,525
Are you guys any good
at covering up youthful...

182
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,851
...and middle-aged "indiscretions"?

183
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:23,157
Are these indiscretions romantic,
financial or treasonous?

184
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,284
Russian hooker. You tell me.

185
00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,506
Oh, no problem. We'll say you were
on a fact-finding mission.

186
00:09:29,111 --> 00:09:32,041
I did find out one fact: she was a guy.

187
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,002
Well, if Eddie Murphy can go on
to do <i>Dr. Dolittle...</i>

188
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:36,962
...I suppose we can make this work.

189
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,861
Congratulations, Krusty.
You're running for Congress.

190
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,969
Why don't you pound
that sign into your own lawn?

191
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,326
Eh, I'm still undecided.

192
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:52,728
I vow to reach out
to the Latino community.

193
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:56,534
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

194
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,056
[ALL GASP]

195
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,215
- Aie-yai-yai!
- [IN ENGLISH] What'd I say?

196
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:03,249
You said, "You're going to vomit
on their mother's graves."

197
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,773
Oh, so that's why my maid quit.

198
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:10,840
I was the first clown
to put a woman in sketches.

199
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,353
Miss Bada Boom Boom Boom.

200
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,241
She had more acting talent
in one boob...

201
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,130
...than most women have
in their entire rack.

202
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,641
WOMAN 1: Hmm
AGNES: Aw.

203
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,643
Yeah,
you with the million-dollar gams.

204
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,249
[AGNES GASPS]

205
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:28,451
Don't you see? He's pointing out
how sexist men can be.

206
00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:31,288
Yeah, listen to the tomato
with the melons.

207
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,779
Hmm.

208
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,054
Oh, three-bean salad.

209
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,014
Sorry. You can't join us.

210
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,329
This is a hundred-dollar-a-plate
fundraiser.

211
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,529
For 200, you get a picture with me.

212
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,021
For a thousand,
I can have somebody whacked.

213
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:50,807
Uh, it's a joke.

214
00:10:51,235 --> 00:10:54,561
When you give me that look,
it's a joke.

215
00:10:55,239 --> 00:10:56,114
[CHUCKLES]

216
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,501
I'll have some more salad.

217
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,983
<i>This is Kent Brockman</i>
<i>with a special live report...</i>

218
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,944
<i>...from the headquarters</i>
<i>of Krusty opponent John Armstrong.</i>

219
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,071
<i>How can I prove we're live?</i>

220
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,616
<i>Penis. Now, here's the candidate.</i>

221
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:11,202
<i>Krusty is an insensitive bore,</i>
<i>unfit for public office.</i>

222
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,508
<i>Take a look at this incredibly</i>
<i>offensive sketch from his show.</i>

223
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:19,242
I shall now call the roll. France.

224
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:24,862
Oh, my cheese, she stinks.
No, wait. It's me.

225
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:30,128
- Jamaica.
- Hey, man. I call for a joint session.

226
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,433
This vote is dreadlocked.

227
00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,341
San Francisco.

228
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:39,512
Hello there, sailor.
I'm here and fabulous.

229
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:42,546
Now, I'd like to make a motion.
Woo!

230
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:44,319
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

231
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:46,790
You can't judge me by that sketch.

232
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:50,325
It was a different time, 1998.

233
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:51,837
[LISA MOANS]

234
00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:53,119
[ALL SHUDDERING]

235
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,425
Those jets keep going
lower and lower.

236
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:00,324
Sorry.

237
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,326
[JET BEEPING]

238
00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:04,693
Krusty, we're desperate here.

239
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,404
We need you
to turn your campaign around.

240
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:11,231
Is it the Jewish thing?
Because I can change that.

241
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:15,454
I'm Carlton Witherspoon III.
Where's my five iron?

242
00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:18,603
Krusty, I don't usually give advice
to Republicans.

243
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,533
But it would be nice
to be on the winning side for once.

244
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,672
You have to start making
an honest connection with the voters.

245
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,540
Talk about how you can help
regular families, like ours.

246
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:33,806
Help regular families,
make an honest connection.

247
00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:37,299
Krusty, why did you just drop
your pants?

248
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,530
I needed a joke to go out on.

249
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,939
[CACKLING]

250
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,296
[SHOES SQUEAKING]

251
00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:49,050
Let me tell you all a story.

252
00:12:49,478 --> 00:12:51,522
When the network offered me
50 grand a week...

253
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:54,368
...I threw my caviar in their face.

254
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,017
No. Connect.

255
00:12:57,528 --> 00:13:00,854
Uh, because I was thinking
about the American family.

256
00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,064
One family in particular...

257
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,244
...who was stepped on
by the government...

258
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,423
...and had nowhere else to turn.

259
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,541
- Boring.
- I'm talking about the Simpsons.

260
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,105
Let him speak.

261
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,243
You know what?
I'll never stop fighting for them.

262
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,913
Or for any other family that needs
someone to stand up for them.

263
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:20,457
[ALL CHATTERING]

264
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,042
I like that clown.

265
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,983
He's really looking out for me,
the average Joe Sixtooth.

266
00:13:26,682 --> 00:13:28,256
Where'd you get yourself
another tooth?

267
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:29,664
Sidewalk.

268
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:33,126
If you send me to Washington,
you'll all have a voice.

269
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:34,679
A voice that will go:

270
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,902
Ahooga! Wah-wah!
Wacka-wacka-wacka!

271
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,259
[CROWD CHEERING]

272
00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:42,979
[CHANTING]
Krusty. Krusty.

273
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:46,983
People, tell me your problems.
I'll fix them all.

274
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,486
The government wants
to shut me down...

275
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:51,894
...the pipes under my toilet
don't lead nowhere.

276
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:54,970
Elect me and I promise those pipes
will lead to a better tomorrow.

277
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:56,972
[CROWD CHEERING]

278
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:59,245
I gotta go. Don't forget to vote.

279
00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:02,238
And watch out for the 612.

280
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,678
[TRAIN HORN BLARES
& CROWD GASPS]

281
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,847
<i>Welcome to Fox News.</i>
<i>Your voice for evil.</i>

282
00:14:07,306 --> 00:14:09,349
<i>We'll be interviewing</i>
<i>the top two candidates...</i>

283
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:11,862
<i>...for Springfield's</i>
<i>24th Congressional district.</i>

284
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,981
<i>For the Republicans, beloved children's</i>
<i>entertainer, Krusty the Klown.</i>

285
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,338
<i>And for the Democrats, this guy.</i>

286
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,766
<i>I have a name.</i>

287
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,789
<i>Yes, I'm sure you do, comrade.</i>

288
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:25,970
<i>I do appreciate your being here,</i>
<i>you're usually so mired in sleaze...</i>

289
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,817
<i>...it must be an effort</i>
<i>to come down to the studio.</i>

290
00:14:29,328 --> 00:14:31,371
<i>- May I say something?</i>
<i>- Certainly, congressman.</i>

291
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,405
<i>He hasn't won yet.</i>

292
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:35,480
<i>You make a very adulterous point.</i>

293
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,702
<i>We will now conclude this debate</i>
<i>with a Krusty campaign commercial.</i>

294
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,814
MAN [SINGING]:
<i>When a man loves his country</i>

295
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:49,400
<i>Like Krusty loves America</i>

296
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,559
NARRATOR: <i>Krusty the Klown,
the man from funny.</i>

297
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:56,845
<i>I've brought laughter to your homes</i>
<i>three days a week, 18 weeks a year...</i>

298
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,723
<i>...for 12 of the past 25 years.</i>

299
00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:04,728
<i>But whenever America has needed me,</i>
<i>I've been there.</i>

300
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:13,883
NARRATOR: <i>Photographs have been</i>
<i>modified to include Krusty.</i>

301
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:19,492
Election night is so exciting.
I'm on pins and needles.

302
00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:21,640
And I'm on Pepto and Xanax.

303
00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:25,300
I'm so nervous, I kissed my dog
and gave my girlfriend a flea bath.

304
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,980
Laugh it up.
That joke cost me a thousand bucks.

305
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:31,723
<i>We're ready to announce a winner in</i>
<i>Springfield's 24th Congressional District.</i>

306
00:15:34,893 --> 00:15:36,134
ALL:
Yay!

307
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,678
I won. I'm a senator.

308
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,056
- Congressman.
- Whatever.

309
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:47,604
I swear to uphold and protect
the Constitution of these United States.

310
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:51,003
So relax, gun nuts. I can't touch you.

311
00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:53,516
[CHEERING & WHOOPING]

312
00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:58,177
I'd like to introduce a bill
banning air travel over residential areas.

313
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,638
Hey, hey.

314
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,348
What are you? An idiot?

315
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:04,537
Freshmen congressmen
don't introduce squat.

316
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:07,123
You gotta pee in a bucket
until your second term.

317
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:10,272
But how am I supposed
to serve my constituents?

318
00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:13,922
You can start by scrubbing off
some of this Capitol Hill graffiti.

319
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:17,561
You got a lot of work ahead of you.

320
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,449
Grover Cleveland sucks what?

321
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:22,952
Leave that, lest we forget.

322
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:27,143
Someone on this fakakta committee's
gotta care about my Air Traffic bill.

323
00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:29,031
I'm sorry, congressman.

324
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,752
But this is a committee
for designing dollar coins...

325
00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:33,337
...no one will use.

326
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:36,559
I say we make them out of chocolate.
Kids eat them. Why fight it?

327
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,551
Oh, I need some air.

328
00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:41,262
Do you need some hot air?
We congressmen are full of it.

329
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:42,742
I blather on for hours.

330
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,464
Yap-yap-yap-yap-yap-yap!

331
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,342
[GROANS]

332
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:51,553
There he is.

333
00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:55,036
Krusty, we came to see how many
campaign promises you've kept.

334
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,863
Uh, let's see. Did I promise to be
a slave to big oil?

335
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,906
- No.
- Well, then none.

336
00:17:01,313 --> 00:17:03,179
Krusty,
I can't believe you're giving up.

337
00:17:03,649 --> 00:17:06,026
I thought you'd make a difference.
I voted for you.

338
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,101
How could you vote? You're only 10.

339
00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:10,468
This is not about me.
Or how many times I voted.

340
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:13,252
You were gonna get rid
of the airplanes over our house.

341
00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:15,317
And now they're worse than ever.

342
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:17,392
Krusty, you've let everyone down.

343
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:21,051
And even worse,
you let down this sacred document.

344
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:26,401
You're right.
It's time I made a difference.

345
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,124
Dad, this is a kid's menu
where you help Yogi Bear...

346
00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:33,251
...get to the Washington Monument.

347
00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:36,129
Stained with the blood
of American patriots.

348
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:39,716
- That's jelly.
- From the unknown toaster.

349
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,281
KRUSTY:
I came here for a reason.

350
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,837
And I will not be silent until...

351
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:48,902
Hey, where is everybody?

352
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,603
No one usually shows up
unless there's a vote.

353
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,606
- Well, then why are you here?
- I steal stuff when everyone's gone.

354
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:56,326
[GRUNTING]

355
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:58,933
My Christmas shopping's done.

356
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:00,893
[CAR ENGINE REVS]

357
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:02,197
[TIRES SCREECH]

358
00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:04,553
[SIGHS]

359
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,973
- Poor Krusty.
- We gotta do something to help him.

360
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:10,601
Yeah. And to make things
even more suspenseful...

361
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,948
...our plane leaves in a half-hour.

362
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,577
Excuse me. I think I can help.

363
00:18:18,015 --> 00:18:20,277
I've been working in this town
for a long time...

364
00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:22,780
...and, well, I know
how to get things done.

365
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:24,698
Beat it, Waxie.

366
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:28,473
No. Let's hear him out.
He looks a little like Walter Mondale.

367
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:33,468
Yeah, looks like. Let's just say
I know how a bill becomes law.

368
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:35,157
Oh, that's easy.

369
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,868
First it's introduced,
then it goes to committee, then...

370
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:41,121
Wrong. That's wrong.

371
00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:44,447
Now, I'll show you
how things really work around here.

372
00:18:45,209 --> 00:18:46,116
Sorry, Krusty.

373
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:49,171
But there's no way
I'm letting your airline rerouting bill...

374
00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:50,996
...out of committee.

375
00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:55,125
Congressman, I have a tape here of you
using your free mail privilege...

376
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,815
...to send a get-well card
to your aunt.

377
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:01,047
Ah! If they hear about this in Modesto,
I'm ruined.

378
00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:02,663
[SIGHS]

379
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:04,447
Maybe I wanted to be caught.

380
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:10,098
Now, Homer, that southern congressman
is your biggest obstacle.

381
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:14,592
Your job is to drink him under the table
so he misses the vote.

382
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,302
You think you can do it?

383
00:19:16,657 --> 00:19:19,660
Sir, I studied under Ed McMahon.

384
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:24,070
How about a drinking contest, boy?
Right after I vote on the latest bill.

385
00:19:24,790 --> 00:19:25,999
- How about before?
- Ha!

386
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:28,679
You remind me
of my high school drinking coach.

387
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:31,004
Now, enough talking. Let's drink.

388
00:19:32,923 --> 00:19:36,875
Now, your job is to attach Krusty's bill
to a more popular bill.

389
00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:39,023
One that can't fail.

390
00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:43,131
The House will now consider
the Flags for Orphans bill.

391
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,489
Okay, paperclip, do your stuff.

392
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:51,149
Now, we just need a distraction.

393
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:55,320
You call this a bicameral legislature?

394
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,854
[HOMER GRUNTING]

395
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:06,363
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]
I say, I say, my groin.

396
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:14,360
We will now vote on the Flags
for Orphans and Airline Rerouting Bill?

397
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:19,365
Oh, well, it's paper-clipped.
Chairman Hayes, any objections?

398
00:20:21,972 --> 00:20:23,025
Congressman Beauregard?

399
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,069
[SNORING]

400
00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:26,518
Hmm?

401
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:28,791
I don't wanna fight no Union.

402
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,877
- All in favor?
ALL: Aye.

403
00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:32,774
Motion carried.

404
00:20:33,192 --> 00:20:34,797
The system works.

405
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:38,895
I've become enchanted and illusioned
with Washington.

406
00:20:39,615 --> 00:20:42,430
And the reason it worked
is because you all did your part.

407
00:20:43,035 --> 00:20:44,463
But I didn't do anything.

408
00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:47,539
I just passed the bill in three hours.
Quit complaining.

409
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,702
At last those planes are flying
where they belong.

410
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:58,102
That's right, over the homes
of poor people.

411
00:21:56,650 --> 00:21:57,526
[English - US -SDH]