1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,276
CHORUS [SINGS]:
The Simpsons
2
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:06,965
C.E. D'oh
3
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,084
D'oh! Ah!
4
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,090
[THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY
THEME SONG PLAYS]
5
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,841
["ROCK AROUND THE CLOCK"
PLAYING]
6
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One, two, three o'clock
Four o'clock rock,
7
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Five, six, seven o'clock
Eight o'clock rock
8
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Nuts to you, copper.
9
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[SIREN WAILS]
10
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[GRUNTS]
11
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[SCREAMS]
12
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[GRUNTING]
13
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[AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING]
14
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[TIRES SCREECH]
15
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You're gonna be just fine.
16
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[SIGHS]
17
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,284
MAN:
Hello, Scratchy.
18
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,725
SCRATCHY: The Big Bopper?
Ritchie Valens? Buddy Holly?
19
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,519
No!
20
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,104
[ALL HISSING]
21
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:07,787
[BOTH LAUGHING]
22
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,675
So, kids, it's Valentine's Day,
and you know what that means.
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You get to stay downstairs watching TV
with the sound turned way up.
24
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What about you and Mom?
25
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:21,488
Oh, we'll be upstairs in the bedroom
making lovely rope ladders...
26
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,928
- ...in case there's a fire.
- Oh, okay.
27
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Children, so naive.
28
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- What?
- Who's naive?
29
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I didn't say anything. So naive.
30
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Mm...
31
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This is so romantic.
32
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:39,308
Oh, my darling,
nothing is too romantic for you.
33
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Have some more liquor.
34
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:42,206
[CHUCKLES]
35
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,751
That's it. Drink up, my pretty.
36
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:49,318
[CHUCKLES]
37
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,321
Thanks for the love tip,
60 Minutes II.
38
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Mm, funky.
39
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[GROANS]
40
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Hey there, Little Red Riding Hood.
I ate your granny.
41
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,722
And now I'm in the mood for love.
42
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:12,153
Oh, Homie, I'm sorry.
43
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:15,239
You know I usually bring my A game
to the bedroom.
44
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,545
But tonight,
I just can't throw the heat.
45
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,183
But it's Saint Valentine's Day.
46
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,477
God wants us to do it.
47
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,720
You're so cute
when you're begging for sex...
48
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,888
...but I'm just too tired.
49
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:32,830
Well, my special mixtape
will get you going.
50
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[LULLABY PLAYING SPEAKER]
51
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,380
[SNORING]
52
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,549
Oh, no. That's Maggie's mixtape.
53
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,822
Then Maggie must have gotten...
54
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,866
[TOM JONES' "SEX BOMB"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
55
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You're my sex bomb
56
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And baby, you can turn me on
57
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[CLOCK TICKING]
58
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,859
Shut down on Valentine's Day.
59
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,924
That's supposed to be a gimme.
60
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,436
Everybody's getting some but me.
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00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,219
[MEOWS]
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FRINK: Oh, "glayvin." Oh, nice lady
android with the true-to-life "floivic."
63
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Game over.
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[GROANS]
65
00:03:31,295 --> 00:03:32,900
Everyone but me.
66
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,122
Thanks for waking me
for the bookmobile, Terrence.
67
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,094
[GRUNTING]
68
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:43,661
Oh, Marge doesn't think I'm sexy.
What am I supposed to do?
69
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:51,096
Hmm...
70
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,046
Suicide, eh?
71
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:54,735
Hmm?
72
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,487
That's it.
Thank you, outdoor advertising.
73
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:00,292
You've saved my marriage,
and not for the first time.
74
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,391
"Releasing your inner screenplay."
75
00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,331
"Create an online kennel."
76
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,791
Ooh! "Strip for your wife."
77
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:11,866
[CHATTERING]
78
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,192
Well, I'm here to win back Brandine.
79
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,903
She been making eyes
at that photographer...
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00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,208
...what come
to document our squalor.
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00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,700
Welcome to
How to Strip for Your Wife.
82
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,005
Dr. Hibbert? You're the teacher?
83
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,527
[CHUCKLES]
84
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,936
Oh, yes. I put myself
through medical school...
85
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,334
...dancing under the name
Malcolm Sex.
86
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,545
I pleased the ladies
by any means necessary.
87
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:38,070
Now, let's start with a full review
of the theory of stripping.
88
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,927
Paleosexologists tell us that...
89
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What the hell are you doing?
90
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,796
- Homer, are you already oiled?
- Three coats.
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00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:49,300
That oil was for the entire class.
92
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,292
Homer, take this quarter,
call your mother.
93
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,701
Tell her you're never
going to be a stripper.
94
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,599
Aren't you gonna chuckle?
95
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,799
There's nothing to chuckle about.
96
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:02,897
Oh, nobody loves oily Homer.
97
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[HUMMING]
98
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,861
[GRUNTS THEN SCREAMS]
99
00:05:10,102 --> 00:05:13,803
- You, the greasy, naked, bald man.
- Ah! You know everything about me.
100
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,453
What would you say if I offered you
the secret of true success?
101
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,674
Wipe me down and sign me up.
102
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:24,157
Unh, the trick is to blot the oil.
Wiping just pushes it around.
103
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,358
You're preaching to the choir, man.
104
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,652
Now, life is hard. Am I right?
105
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:30,289
- Yeah.
- Life is hard.
106
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:34,553
Wrong! Life is easy. You suck.
You have to take life.
107
00:05:35,294 --> 00:05:38,922
You have to grab it by its little
bunny ears and get in its face.
108
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,894
God, look at you, losers.
I can read your minds.
109
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,542
Ooh, ooh, I'm afraid of success.
110
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,920
It's pizza's fault I'm fat.
111
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,620
Oh, I'll stop sucking later.
112
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,529
Come here, give me your hand.
It's okay.
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00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:52,915
[GRUNTS]
114
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:56,304
MOLEMAN:
Ah! Thank you, teacher.
115
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,087
[CHUCKLES]
116
00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,610
You see this watch?
117
00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,362
It's jammed with so many jewels,
the hands can't move.
118
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,510
- What kind of watch do you have?
- Uh...
119
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:07,294
Well, I drew it on. See?
120
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,109
Ah. You see that car out there?
121
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,872
That's a Bentley Mark 12.
They gave one to me...
122
00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,156
...one to Steven Spielberg,
and they shot the guy who made it.
123
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:17,252
Oh, I'd hate to be in that union.
124
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:20,047
Friends, there's a force
that runs through the universe.
125
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,674
We used to call that force God.
126
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:27,387
We now call it Megatronics:
The 48 Tips to Corporate Success.
127
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,160
LENNY:
Hmm.
128
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:31,673
RICHDALE: There.
- Woo! Published by Kinko's.
129
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,155
- Do you wanna be the ultimate you?
- Yes.
130
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,022
Do you wanna yodel
at the top of the corporate mountain?
131
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,212
- Yes.
- Will you write me a check...
132
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:40,776
...made out to cash?
133
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God, yes!
134
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"Tip one:
live each day like it was your last."
135
00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,325
[SOBBING]
136
00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:53,101
I don't wanna die. I'm so young.
137
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,053
"Tip two:
let nothing stand in your way."
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00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,338
Listen up, life obstacles.
139
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:04,748
From now on, nothing's gonna stand
in Homer Simpson's way.
140
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,250
Do your homework.
Don't do so much homework.
141
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,097
Learn to talk. You, let's love now.
142
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:11,515
Sounds good to me.
143
00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:13,308
[GRUNTS]
144
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:16,363
[HOMER BREATHING HEAVILY]
145
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:19,231
Go on ahead. I'll just slow you down.
146
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:20,795
[GRUNTS]
147
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,319
[DRILL WHIRRING]
148
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:25,863
[GROANS]
149
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,386
What's that ruckus?
150
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,941
It's the sound of a go-getter
at work, Marge.
151
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,838
Look, I installed a key hook...
152
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:35,216
...so you'll always know
where your keys are.
153
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,457
Oh, that's so sweet.
154
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:41,388
I was tired of putting my keys
in that bowl like a caveman.
155
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:44,652
I finally harnessed
the awesome power of the hook.
156
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,447
Well, time for work.
157
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:59,104
"Megatronics Tip 20:
make your cubicle into a you-bicle."
158
00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,138
[GRUNTS]
159
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,964
Hmm, what next, Megatronics?
160
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:07,821
"Point out problems
at your workplace to your boss.
161
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:11,585
To separate yourself from the herd,
just tattle on the cattle."
162
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,118
Hmm...
163
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:14,985
[SNORING]
164
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,374
[BOTH GRUNTING]
165
00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:21,908
I say Phantom Menace sucked more.
166
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,911
I say Attack of the Clones
sucked more.
167
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,883
[HUMMING]
168
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,311
[BOTH GRUNT]
169
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:30,552
That's toxic waste.
170
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,387
[SCREAMS]
171
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,692
[SCREAMING]
172
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:39,259
[CHATTERING]
173
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:47,653
And now, to see Mr. Burns
for the promotion and raise...
174
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:50,249
...I've deserved since this morning.
175
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,055
Mr. Burns, I've made a list
of recommendations...
176
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:55,900
...to improve plant efficiency.
177
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,476
Oh, have you now?
Well, huzzah, huzzah.
178
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:02,292
I'll just throw back my legs
and pollute my britches with delight.
179
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,598
But the book said
you would applaud my initiative.
180
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,101
And what book is that?
The Ape Who Wanted a Big Bonus?
181
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,646
Stop wasting my time,
you corn-fed man-cow.
182
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,046
[SHUDDERS]
183
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,433
- Would you mind?
- Yes, sir.
184
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,435
[HOMER GRUNTS]
185
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,084
Aw, look at the little eels.
186
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:24,502
Oh, electric eels!
187
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:25,878
[EELS BUZZING]
188
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,058
[HOMER GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]
189
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,460
I didn't know Mr. Burns
had an electric eel pond.
190
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,849
Well, he does.
All my life, I've had one dream:
191
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,101
To achieve my many goals.
192
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:43,792
Mr. Burns has never given me
a thumbs-up or a "way to be"...
193
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:46,399
...or a "you go, girl." No.
194
00:09:46,879 --> 00:09:48,922
He just steps over everyone
who works for him...
195
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,508
...taking pleasure
in making us feel small.
196
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,605
Oh, Homie. Don't let it get you down.
197
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,441
So Mr. Burns
doesn't take you seriously.
198
00:09:57,973 --> 00:09:59,839
Big whoop. Who gives a doodle?
199
00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:01,883
Whoopie ding dong doo.
200
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,573
Thanks for trying, but I'll be at Moe's.
201
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,889
So my husband goes to a bar
every night. Whoop-de-do.
202
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,464
Who gives a bibble?
203
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:10,840
Gabba, gabba, hey.
204
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:16,273
I gave Mr. Burns
the best years of my life.
205
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:18,921
And how much respect
does he give me?
206
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,798
Slim to bupkes.
207
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,852
Who's Burns?
Somebody you work with?
208
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:26,439
Moe, we've been complaining about him
every night for eight years.
209
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:30,088
If this guy's riding you wrong,
why don't you slap him some payback?
210
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,653
Revenge? On Mr. Burns?
211
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,438
Yeah. Send him magazine subscriptions
he don't want.
212
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,826
Or give him some face time
with sweet lady brick.
213
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,787
Ha, ha.
214
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:46,855
No. I think this calls for something
a little more cerebral.
215
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,763
[CHUCKLES]
216
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,005
Wait till he steps
on this flaming bag of, ah...
217
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,840
...Lisa's college fund?
218
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:54,592
[SHOUTS]
219
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:58,023
Sir, we could be in real trouble here.
If the government found out...
220
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,598
...you dumped nuclear waste
under Lego Land...
221
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:04,081
Oh, Smithers, the environmental
effects won't be visible for years.
222
00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:10,243
[ROARING]
223
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,130
[ALL SCREAMING]
224
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,792
Heh, talk about
your runaway government.
225
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,659
[GRUNTS]
226
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,643
For dumping that waste,
you could go to jail.
227
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,260
A handsome man like you,
I'd hate to think what would happen.
228
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,742
Ha, ha, I wouldn't go to jail.
229
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:35,070
The legal owner of this plant would,
Canary M. Burns.
230
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:37,114
[BOTH GASPING]
231
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,940
This entire plant is in his name.
232
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:45,497
So when they come to put C.M.
Burns in jail, it's the canary that does the time.
233
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:47,718
Sir, can you do that?
234
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,137
Oh, yes.
Tycoons have been doing it for years.
235
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,589
Why, Standard Oil was once owned
by a half-eaten breakfast.
236
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:56,133
Hmm...
237
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,647
Don't you get it? If you get rid
of that bird, Burns is at your mercy.
238
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:02,055
Get rid of a bird? No way.
239
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,162
Their eyes are so expressive.
240
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:09,177
Fool! You've learned absolutely nothing
from my one-hour class.
241
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:16,653
- Homie, what's wrong?
- I have a plan to get to the top...
242
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,990
...but I have to do
some pretty rotten things to get there.
243
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:23,973
I'm not sure I could look at myself
in the mirror or any polished metal.
244
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,705
Well, if you don't know
the right path to take...
245
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:28,707
...you have to be very quiet...
246
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:32,450
...and listen for that little voice inside
that tells you what to do.
247
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,341
BART: Do it, Dad.
You could get a less crappy car.
248
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,092
Bart, you can hear us?
249
00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:41,730
BART: Oh, yeah.
From my room, I can hear everything.
250
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,224
LISA: Me too. The walls are paper-thin.
Ugh. Hi.
251
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:48,039
NED: And it wouldn't hurt you
to put up some curtains.
252
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:54,858
[GROANS]
253
00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:02,261
This is it, boy. With this bird gone,
the plant will be mine for the taking.
254
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:03,898
[GRUNTS]
255
00:13:04,243 --> 00:13:07,173
Now, fly to the Canary Islands.
256
00:13:14,545 --> 00:13:15,420
[BUZZES]
257
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:19,456
BURNS: Smithers, it's an emergency.
Maroon alert. Or even vermilion.
258
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:23,178
The owner of the plant is gone.
All that's left is this little mirror...
259
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,013
...he used to amuse himself.
260
00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:28,100
Hello, pretty boy.
That's quite a beak on you.
261
00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:31,395
Hoo-hoo! Who wants a kiss?
Who wants a kiss?
262
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,931
Mr. Burns, the Nuclear Regulatory
Commission is here for inspection.
263
00:13:36,692 --> 00:13:39,111
Ah! Good Lord. That canary
was supposed to be my pigeon.
264
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,154
I need to find a patsy quick.
265
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,073
- Hello.
- Yes, yes, hello.
266
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,430
- Now I need to find a patsy.
- Hello.
267
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,296
You're quite the friendly fellow.
268
00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:50,664
- But right now I'm looking for a patsy.
- Hello.
269
00:13:51,290 --> 00:13:53,709
Bumbling fool.
I keep telling you I'm looking for a patsy.
270
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:55,231
- Hello.
- Ooh!
271
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:56,826
This moon-faced simpleton...
272
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,955
...is continually interrupting
my search for a patsy. Why to...?
273
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:01,529
Hello.
274
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:03,927
Why are you looking at me like that?
275
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,431
Now, a few more details
about this year's company picnic.
276
00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:10,934
It's at the plant, no food will be served,
the activity will be work...
277
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,801
...and the picnic is canceled.
278
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:14,094
ALL:
Aw!
279
00:14:14,438 --> 00:14:17,076
I would like to add
to any nuclear inspectors in the crowd...
280
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:20,465
...that the titular head of the plant
is now Mr. Homer J. Simpson.
281
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:23,666
That's right. And as my first act...
282
00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:26,356
...Mr. Burns, you're fired.
283
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,295
[ALL GASPING]
284
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,724
That man's mad.
285
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,456
Smithers,
get this bedlamite an alienist.
286
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,458
No. It's entirely within my power.
287
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:38,128
Furthermore, there never were
any nuclear inspectors.
288
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,246
Check and mate. Now king me.
289
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,541
So the caterpillar has emerged
from its cocoon...
290
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,440
...as a shark with a gun for a mouth.
291
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,619
I only have one thing to say to that...
292
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,777
- ...bravo.
- Huh?
293
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,092
We clashed lances
on the Champs de Mars...
294
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:58,117
...and I have been bested.
The plant is yours. Treat her well.
295
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,640
- Mr. Burns?
- Yes?
296
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,090
[HOMER GRUNTS
AND BURNS GASPS]
297
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:03,685
Eat crowd, old man!
298
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,968
[HOMER GRUNTS
AND BURNS SCREAMS]
299
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:09,524
ALL [SINGING]:
Hey, hey, hey, goodbye
300
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,547
[ALL CHEERING]
301
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,382
Hey, that looks like fun. Do me.
302
00:15:13,789 --> 00:15:15,541
Yay!
303
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,669
ALL [CHANTING]:
Homer! Homer! Homer!
304
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,164
Mr. Burns' reign of terror is over.
305
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:25,801
CROWD:
Yay!
306
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,189
And today begins
my reign of...
307
00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:29,774
[ALL GASPING]
308
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,160
...terrific management.
309
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,194
[ALL SIGH THEN CHATTER]
310
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:36,530
- I thought he was gonna say "terror."
- I didn't think he was.
311
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:41,285
Unlike Mr. Burns, I will respect you,
the working-class slob...
312
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,423
...because we are all equals.
313
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,707
And now, as I ascend
this crystal staircase to my office...
314
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,512
...I say, avert your gaze.
315
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,316
CROWD:
Yay!
316
00:15:51,702 --> 00:15:53,349
[HUMMING]
317
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:56,206
Hmm... Hmm? Hmm.
318
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,469
That is so cool.
319
00:15:58,917 --> 00:15:59,866
Bart, open the door.
320
00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:06,039
Now, open it again
and put a walnut in there.
321
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,032
Dad, please.
You're the head of a major corporation.
322
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,534
You're right.
Put two walnuts in there.
323
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:14,099
Dad, have you looked
at this earnings report?
324
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,393
Sweetie, these things
are gonna take time.
325
00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:18,791
I just found the door-shutting thing.
326
00:16:19,271 --> 00:16:21,096
Ha, ha, oh, yeah.
327
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:28,019
Now I'm forcibly retired,
I feel I should give back to society...
328
00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:31,690
...and do some charitable work.
But first, I want to take a lot of opium.
329
00:16:32,326 --> 00:16:34,672
Uh, if you say so, sir.
330
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,405
Uh, excuse me. Do you know
where I can buy some, uh, drugs?
331
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,469
Drugs? Everything is drugs.
332
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:42,774
Banana made of drugs,
monkey made of drugs.
333
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,713
Look, all market made of drugs.
334
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:48,602
- I'd like to buy this.
- Only American money.
335
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,302
Our money is made of drugs.
336
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:54,118
To make this plant economically viable,
you've gotta lay off 112 people.
337
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,768
If you don't patch the leak
in Cooling Tower 2, you will go to jail.
338
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:02,314
- Oh, I need a vacation.
- This is your vacation.
339
00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:06,683
- Can't I water-ski a little bit?
- Fine.
340
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,418
Homer, I'll go over
the year-end profit forecast...
341
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:15,254
- ...if you'll stop looking at my boobs.
- No deal.
342
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,986
I got a gold star at school today...
343
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,801
...for my exposé on toxins
in gold-star adhesive.
344
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:23,971
That's great, honey.
Hold it up to the camera.
345
00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:26,776
Homie, I know you've got
a lot of work to do...
346
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:30,446
...but this really isn't the same
as eating dinner with your family.
347
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:35,670
Look, there is nothing more important
to me than you guys. I think...
348
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:39,049
... best quality pork chops.
349
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,353
Dad, this just isn't working.
350
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:43,897
Lisa, I deeply resent...
351
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:46,900
... with a big bowl of applesauce.
352
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,601
Hey, Dad, you said
you were gonna play catch with me.
353
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,823
Well, I have to work.
But give the monitor a kiss.
354
00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:54,429
I don't wanna do that.
355
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:58,777
Come on, boy. You're not too old
to kiss your daddy's monitor.
356
00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:03,010
Hey, that's a printer port,
not a finger hole.
357
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,597
[GROANS]
358
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:08,724
Homie?
359
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:11,133
Hey, honey. Sorry I'm so late.
360
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,677
I had to lay off 27 robots.
361
00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:15,783
Don't tell me they can't cry.
362
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:20,131
[CHILDREN CHEERING]
363
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,677
Check it out. I'm Tomokazu Ohka
of the Montreal Expos.
364
00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:27,639
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm Esteban Yan
of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
365
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,329
And I'm the man at the ballpark
everyone hates.
366
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,832
- The umpire?
- No, Billy Crystal.
367
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:36,773
[MILHOUSE & BART GRUNT]
368
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:38,984
[GROANS]
369
00:18:39,328 --> 00:18:42,039
Bart's growing up without me.
He won't be 10 forever.
370
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:44,666
BURNS: Knock, knock.
- Ah! Mr. Burns.
371
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,147
Where's Mr. Smithers?
372
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:48,326
He's doing 80 years on an opium bust.
373
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,288
I never saw a man
take to a Turkish prison so quickly.
374
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,227
How did you ever run this place?
375
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:56,126
You gotta turn away your family,
fire your friends...
376
00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:59,170
...work until the wee hours
of the afternoon.
377
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,986
Simpson, I worked here
for three score and twain.
378
00:19:02,518 --> 00:19:05,187
That's 62 years in the "new English."
379
00:19:05,771 --> 00:19:07,158
I want to show you something.
380
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:11,318
These are people in my life
I could never find time for...
381
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,393
...because I was too busy working.
382
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,937
This was my fiancée, Gertrude.
383
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,825
I was working so hard,
I missed our wedding, honeymoon...
384
00:19:19,368 --> 00:19:22,006
...and our divorce proceedings.
She died of loneliness.
385
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:25,509
Loneliness and rabies. Do you see
why I brought you here, Simpson?
386
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,699
Yes, yes.
387
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:32,193
If I keep putting work first,
I'll lose everyone I care about...
388
00:19:32,965 --> 00:19:34,393
...just like you did.
389
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,895
[SOBS]
390
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,418
Thank you, Mr. Burns.
Thank you for...
391
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:40,055
[GASPS THEN GRUNTS]
392
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,811
Steal my plant, will you?
By the time you wake up...
393
00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:49,137
...you'll be walled inside
my mausoleum forever.
394
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:51,848
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
395
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:55,571
[GRUNTING]
396
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:04,997
[GROANS]
397
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:07,311
- What are you doing?
- Scream all you like.
398
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,251
No one will hear you.
399
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:11,295
All right. Ah.
400
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:14,642
Don't know why you're trying to
steal the plant back. I don't want it.
401
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:18,041
Oh, keep begging.
You're just wasting precious oxygen.
402
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,127
Brick by brick, I seal his doom.
403
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,765
[CHUCKLING]
404
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,904
There you go.
405
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,772
Hey, Dad, pitch to me.
406
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:35,256
From now on, my only ambition
is to be the world's greatest dad.
407
00:20:38,113 --> 00:20:39,093
[GRUNTS]
408
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,273
Hey, you nearly hit me on the head.
409
00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:43,608
- Quit crowding the plate.
- Ugh.
410
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,099
Oh, you want a piece of me?
411
00:20:45,454 --> 00:20:47,028
[BOTH GRUNTING]
412
00:20:47,456 --> 00:20:49,354
[THE COURTSHIP OF EDDIE'S FATHER
THEME PLAYING]
413
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,585
You see, this is the stuff...
414
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,858
- ...Mom won't do with me.
- Yeah.
415
00:20:54,338 --> 00:20:56,788
[BOTH GRUNTING]
416
00:21:03,555 --> 00:21:07,695
HOMER: Ow! Ow! He bit me!
You saw him. He bit me!
417
00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,238
You little...
418
00:21:50,269 --> 00:21:51,509
WOMAN:
Shh.
419
00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:57,609
[English - US -SDH]