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CHORUS [SINGS]:
The Simpsons
2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,613
Dude, Where's My Ranch?
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D'oh! Ah!
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[SIMPSONS SINGING]
Silver bells, silver bells
5
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:37,173
It's Christmas time in the city
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Oh, that is like so moving.
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Yo, family, isn't that beautiful?
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ALL:
Mm-hm.
9
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Walking in a winter wonderland
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00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,386
Exquisite. Just exquisite.
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Makes me wish
I hadn't released the hounds.
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[ALL SCREAMING
AND DOGS BARKING]
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- Should I call them off, sir?
- No, no. It's their Christmas too.
14
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Have a nice Christmas
Have a nice Christmas
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Have a nice Christmas
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Non-Christian friend
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That's even worse than "I'm Dreaming
of a Whitefish Christmas."
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For this, I tied my bathrobe?
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00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,161
Just hear those sleigh
bells jingling...
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Cease and desist. You are forbidden
to perform that song without paying...
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- ...royalties to the owner.
- Nobody owns Christmas carols.
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They belong to everyone,
like grapes at the grocery store.
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Not true. But you are welcome to sing
the many public domain carols...
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...such as "O Tannenbaum,"
"Good King Wenceslas"...
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..."Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring."
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Those suck.
They're worse than nothing.
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I could write way better songs.
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Go. But don't use A-flat or G-natural.
Those are owned by Disney.
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- Oh.
- That's A-flat.
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- Oh!
- That's better.
31
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That's it.
I'm writing a Christmas carol.
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If I can make my own clothes,
I can do anything.
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[HUMMING]
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Christmas in December
Whoa, whoa, whoa
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Give me tons of presents
Now, now, now
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- Homer. Writing a new Christmas carol?
- Maybe.
37
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:11,152
Well, the Bible says
it's fun to do stuff together.
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[SINGING] There's a stranger
In the manger and his name is love
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Take it, Homer.
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Oh, I got it. You want me
to stay out here and work on the chorus.
41
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,446
Flanders, I am a patient, reasonable,
handsome man.
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But even I have my limits.
Now, beat it.
43
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Why, thank you, Homer.
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It's a popsicle
in my favorite flavor, plain.
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[GRUMBLES THEN YELLS]
46
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Lousy, no good...
How am I supposed to write a song...
47
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,593
...with that stupid jerk bothering me
all the time and...?
48
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,709
Wait a minute.
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[PLAYS NOTES]
50
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[SINGING] Everybody in the U.S.A.
Hates their stupid neighbor
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He's Flanders
And he's really, really lame
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Flanders tried to wreck my song
His views on birth control are wrong
53
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,721
I hate his guts
And Flanders is his name
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ALL:
F-L-A-N-R-D-S
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He's the man thatl hate best
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I'd like to see his
house go up in flame
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[ALL CHEERING]
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Excuse me. I've been researching
indigenous folk music of Springfield.
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I couldn't help overhearing
your delightfully cruel hate song.
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00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:28,959
David Byrne?
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00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:30,752
Singer, artist, composer, director,
Talking Head?
62
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,619
Singer, artist, composer, director,
Talking Head?
63
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,580
And I used to wrestle
under the name El Diablo.
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00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:38,917
- I thought that was Philip Glass.
- Yeah, he wishes.
65
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:42,587
Hey, mister, if you like my song
so much, would you like to buy a tape?
66
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- It's already rewound.
- No, thanks.
67
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,300
But I would like to sing it with you
and produce it.
68
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:48,864
Ugh, fine.
69
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,516
- F-L-A
- His name is Ned
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- E-R-S
- That's a stupid name
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00:03:57,196 --> 00:04:01,262
He's worse than Frankenstein
Or Dr. No
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00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:06,132
You can't upset him even slightly
He just smiles and nods politely
73
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,738
Then goes home and worships nightly
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His Leftorium is an emporium of woe
75
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LENNY & CARL: F-L-A
HOMER: Don't yell at Ned
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LENNY & CARL: D-E-R
HOMER: His wife is dead
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[WOMAN SCREAMS]
78
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Everybody hates that stupid jerk
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00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:25,703
Springfield rocks
With Homer's joyous loathing
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Filling clubs with angry Valentinos
81
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You don't have to move your feet
82
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Just hate Flanders to the disco beat
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He's your perky, peppy
Nightmare neighborino
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If you despise polite left-handers
Then I doubt you'll like Ned Flanders
85
00:04:44,159 --> 00:04:46,724
Or his creepy little offspring
Rod and Todd
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- That's us.
- Hurray!
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ALL: F-L-A
- His name is Ned
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- E-R-S
- He's so white bread
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00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:57,589
The smiling, mustached geek
Who walks with God
90
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,102
Mass dismissed.
91
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:04,961
Hey, what are we gonna wear
tomorrow?
92
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:08,121
BILL [ON RADIO]: We're halfway
through our same song six-pack.
93
00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,727
MARTY: Now let's hear
William Shatner's version...
94
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,834
...of "Everybody Hates
Ned Flanders."
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00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:17,223
MAGGIE: Ah.
- Another cover? My God, let it die.
96
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,572
SHATNER [ON RADIO]:
Everybody in the U.S.A.
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00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:25,315
Hates their stupid neighbor
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00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:31,665
He's the Flanders man, the
Flanders man Flanders...
99
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,669
- I am so sick of that song.
- Ugh, me too.
100
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,827
I've come to hate my own creation.
101
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,153
Now I know how God feels.
102
00:05:40,632 --> 00:05:42,509
Why don't we take a vacation and
get away from that song for a while?
103
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,157
Why don't we take a vacation and
get away from that song for a while?
104
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,118
Well, I guess we could afford
one nice trip.
105
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,423
I still think you should've left that
at the motel.
106
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,769
What? It said "take one."
107
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,076
BART: "Balloon Ride," "Wax Museum,"
"The Denzel Washington Monument"...
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00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,892
..."Colonial Phoenix." Hey, dude ranch.
109
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,708
And there's no radio or TV
so we won't have to hear your song.
110
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,273
Sweet.
111
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:09,891
Or we could go to Walter Gropius'
Bauhaus Village.
112
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,216
And fight the crowds? Forget it.
113
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:15,521
The Simpsons are going to Bart's idea.
114
00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:18,524
This dude ranch is gonna be great.
115
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:21,527
A whole week without hearing
that stupid song.
116
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:25,052
You won't think it's stupid
when you hear the extended salsa mix.
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[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SINGING IN SPANISH]
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Watch it, Mr. Byrne.
You'll slip on the simonize.
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00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:37,867
Simonize?
121
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,255
[YELLS]
122
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:42,705
MOE:
Whoa, whoa!
123
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,708
- Can you take me to the hospital?
- Yeah, no problem.
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Wasn't that the hospital?
125
00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:52,996
- Uh, you ever see the movie Misery?
- Actually, no.
126
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MOE:
Then this'll all be new to you.
127
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,084
Welcome to the Lazy I Ranch...
128
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:11,369
...where we give you a week
of rustic ranch living.
129
00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:13,944
- Do you have an Internet connection?
- Internet?
130
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,186
[LAUGHS]
131
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,241
Son, the only Internet connection
we got...
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00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:22,526
...is a dedicated DSL port
in the business center.
133
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,821
Or you could patch in
through the smart fridge in your cabin.
134
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:29,919
Hmm, if said fridge is smart, it will be
filled with Hot Pockets and bologna...
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00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,214
...by the time I get there. Goodbye.
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00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:37,739
"On this battleground in 1881,
56 Indians lost their lives...
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00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,919
...and four brave Americans
lost their hats."
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00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,245
[WHIMPERING]
Those poor hats.
139
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,312
This whole ranch is appalling. It's built
on a legacy of cruelty to animals...
140
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,981
...and oppression
of indigenous people.
141
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,661
Just our way
of making y'all feel welcome.
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- You're not listening.
- I never do.
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00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,426
Yee-haw!
144
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:03,369
[GRUNTS THEN GROANS]
145
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,715
[LAUGHING]
146
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:08,718
I'll show you how they get on a horse
where I come from.
147
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,585
- Daddy, I need upsies.
- Coming, sweetie.
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00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,285
[HOMER GRUNTS]
149
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,635
- Huh. Well, he sure shut us up.
- Mm-hm.
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Yee-haw!
151
00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:23,504
[YELLING]
152
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,705
I really don't wanna do
a lot of flip-de-loops.
153
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:31,105
No problem. You can hop
on the chuck wagon with Cookie here.
154
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:34,191
Pleased to meet you. Have a tooth.
155
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:35,933
[GROANS]
156
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[GRUMBLES]
157
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,656
Hey, Crabby Hayes,
get with the program.
158
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,638
I'm sick of this horse slapping
and cow taunting.
159
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,130
I'm going to my room.
160
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,789
LUKE:
Hold it right there.
161
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:53,513
Mama rattlesnake would be mighty sore
if you scrambled her young'un.
162
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,702
[RATTLING]
163
00:08:57,454 --> 00:09:00,634
- Luke Stetson, junior wrangler.
- I'm Lisa Simpson.
164
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,472
And you're the first person I've met here
who cares about our animal equals.
165
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:08,277
Well, if you like animals, you won't
wanna disappoint that pony over there.
166
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,644
She's just aching to show you around.
167
00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:13,324
[NEIGHS AND WHINNIES]
168
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:17,422
I'm sure she'd be happier without
someone sitting on her back all day.
169
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,362
Sorry you're not interested
because I need somebody...
170
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,751
...to help me hang these "No Hunting"
and "Free Tibet" signs.
171
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,475
That was a delicious meal, Cookie.
172
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,363
- What do we do with our garbage?
- Leave it for Cleanie.
173
00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:37,849
My precious.
174
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,386
Would you like to be photographed
in my great-grandfather's headdress?
175
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,045
He unified the nations
of the western plains.
176
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:48,901
Five dollars or three for 12.
177
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,967
Can you shoot one where I'm Rambo
and my wife is Betty Boop?
178
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:53,500
You mean package B.
179
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:57,139
And this is supposed
to save our marriage?
180
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,048
I thought you guys lived off the land.
181
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,342
How come you're selling junk
to jerks like us?
182
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,001
Used to live and farm
in a bountiful valley.
183
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,941
Then the river was dammed
to make that lake...
184
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,527
...by our ancient enemy, the beaver.
185
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,456
[CRUNCHING]
186
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,094
Why don't you just chase
the beavers away?
187
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:18,108
Unfortunately, the beaver
is also our god.
188
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,777
In retrospect, it was a poor choice.
189
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,154
You people are guests in our country.
190
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:26,074
And the beaver have no right
to treat you that way.
191
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,442
If I get back your land, will you promise
to build a casino on it?
192
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:33,227
Sure. And when we do,
your breakfast will be comped.
193
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,709
How many decks will
your blackjack dealers use?
194
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,054
- Eight.
- Three.
195
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,212
- Four.
- Deal. My brother.
196
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,602
Wow!
197
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,532
Oh, Luke.
198
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:51,787
I didn't gasp like that until I was 18.
199
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,271
All right, son,
we just knock over this dam...
200
00:10:56,782 --> 00:11:00,004
...and the noble Native Americans
can reclaim the land that is theirs.
201
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,454
[GRUNTS]
202
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,865
[GROWLING]
203
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,628
[YELLING]
204
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:17,021
No! I wanted to die choking on food.
205
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,002
I'll save you.
206
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,370
[GRUNTS]
207
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,124
So long, suckers! Ha, ha.
208
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,565
Uh-oh. Aah! Aah!
209
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:33,642
Stop shoving.
The little one isn't getting any. Aah!
210
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,366
Thanks for making me feel better
about this place, Luke.
211
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,587
Lisa, this here's the New West...
212
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:45,038
...where we respect our equine
and bovine Americans.
213
00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:51,180
Uh, well, maybe we should just mosey
on over this way. Ah!
214
00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:53,484
Free range my ass.
215
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,487
Tonight you're gonna be swimming
next to a matzo ball.
216
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,751
I think maybe we should just look
at the clouds.
217
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:03,849
- Well, ain't that pretty.
- Oh, it looks like a happy sheep.
218
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:10,147
Oh.
219
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,013
Oh, damn it.
220
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:19,677
Shucks, Lisa. You sure have taken
a shine to that cowpoke.
221
00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:23,118
- Mom, why are you talking like that?
- Don't rightly know.
222
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:27,101
I just soaked up the lingo like a biscuit
in a bucket full of gopher gravy.
223
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:28,811
I'll stop now.
224
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,292
Well, I like it here too.
225
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,045
Luke has shown me
the gentle side of the Old West.
226
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,850
He's really sophisticated
for a 13-year-old.
227
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,768
Thir-what-year-old?
228
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:39,854
Lisa, you're only 8.
229
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,940
But when he's 23, I'll be 18.
230
00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:45,933
Lisa, you don't know
what you'll want in the future.
231
00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:48,154
I didn't marry the first boy I...
232
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,103
Well, I did, but you shouldn't.
233
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:51,428
[GRUMBLES]
234
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,807
Ha, ha. Wanna play a little longer?
235
00:12:56,276 --> 00:13:00,301
It's only 10 and the moon is awful big.
236
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,618
Well, heck, you should see it
when it's full.
237
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,068
[PLAYING SOFT COUNTRY MUSIC]
238
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:13,700
Oh, no. They're making
beautiful music together.
239
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,662
Let's see. Move that there.
Do a flanking maneuver there.
240
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,352
Wind should be coming in
from the south.
241
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:23,408
Time it to coincide
with beaver holiday.
242
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:24,951
[GRUMBLES]
243
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,391
This map is useless. Useless.
244
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:31,040
Homie, I'm worried about how fast
our kids are growing up.
245
00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:33,584
It's beef hormones
and the fluorescent lights.
246
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:37,025
- What are you gonna do?
- They're already acting like teenagers.
247
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,955
Lisa's with that boy,
and look at Maggie.
248
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,646
[BRITNEY SPEARS' "OOPS!...
I DID IT AGAIN" PLAYING ON STEREO]
249
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,159
Oops!... I did it again
I played with your heart
250
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:50,445
Got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
251
00:13:57,212 --> 00:13:59,736
Look, Cookie. There's a dance tonight.
252
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:01,977
A dance? A dance?
253
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:04,469
[LAUGHING AND WHOOPING]
254
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:10,131
Whew. I'm pooped.
I'm going to bed. Bed?
255
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,384
[WHOOPS]
256
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:16,690
Alrighty, I'll see you tonight.
And I'll save you the first dance.
257
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,974
Love you too, Clara.
258
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,559
Clara? He's got a girlfriend.
259
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,010
I feel like such an idiot.
260
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,356
[CRYING]
261
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:32,352
Hey, bottom bunk's mine.
262
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,638
Keep going.
263
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:47,481
I can't believe Luke has another gal.
264
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,212
"My name is Clara.
265
00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,829
I've known Luke
for more than five days."
266
00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:55,448
Excuse me. Is this the way
to the Lazy I Ranch?
267
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,043
Yeah, it sure is.
268
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,976
But a quicker way to the ranch
is that shortcut.
269
00:15:03,487 --> 00:15:06,271
Thanks, darling. See you at the dance.
270
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:08,825
[HORSE WHINNIES
AND EAGLE SCREAMS]
271
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:10,160
I look forward to it.
272
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:11,474
[CHUCKLES]
273
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,257
I hate you.
274
00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:20,765
HOMER:
Oh, boy.
275
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,370
Check it out, beavers.
276
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,175
Delicious motel furniture.
277
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,023
They took the bait. Let's go.
278
00:15:30,222 --> 00:15:32,933
Uh-oh.
We forgot to empty the minibar.
279
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:41,316
Ah! That's a $17 deck of cards.
280
00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,506
Let it go, Dad.
281
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:47,135
[BEAVERS SQUEAKING]
282
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,213
Quick. Find the master log.
There's always a master log.
283
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,643
Whoa.
284
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,698
[GRUNTS]
285
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:07,968
We did it. Finally, man has triumphed
over a small furry animal.
286
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,721
Treaty, treaty, treaty, bill, treaty...
287
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,703
Peace Pipe Aficionado magazine.
288
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,290
Thank you. You have restored
our village and our way of life.
289
00:16:28,906 --> 00:16:31,356
We would like to make you
honorary members of our tribe.
290
00:16:31,909 --> 00:16:34,140
Drink deep from these cups.
291
00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:38,467
The bear urine will make you strong.
292
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:40,709
[CHUCKLES]
293
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,305
- Actually, it's Fresca.
- Fresca?
294
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:45,370
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT
COUNTRY MUSIC]
295
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:48,946
[SINGING] Well, grab your partner
And start swinging them
296
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,167
Don't forget the two-drink minimum
297
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:55,297
Take your corner by the hand
Get adult videos on demand
298
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:59,822
Flash your teeth, let's see those smiles
Pay with Visa, earn free miles
299
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,095
Yee-haw!
300
00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:08,893
- Dang it. Clara should be here by now.
- I'm sure she's just running late.
301
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:12,908
Or she's not coming because she doesn't
understand how special you are.
302
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:15,254
That sure don't sound like my sister.
303
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:18,153
Sister?
You mean she's not your girlfriend?
304
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,416
Hell, no. They outlawed that
in this state two years ago.
305
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:22,949
[LISA WHIMPERS]
306
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,306
Need help. Come with me.
Done something terrible.
307
00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:27,662
Don't care. Just totally caught
in the moment.
308
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,324
I have some sad news for y'all.
309
00:17:33,846 --> 00:17:36,703
After this dance, I'm heading to jail.
310
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,685
One of my stray bullets
hit a Texas Ranger.
311
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,833
But I'll be back in six months.
312
00:17:42,271 --> 00:17:44,533
Yee-haw!
313
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:48,068
Blanks. They just don't feel the same.
314
00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:50,122
[HOOTS]
315
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,710
[HOWLS]
316
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:59,142
[SQUEAKS]
317
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,772
So I sent Luke's sister down
the wrong trail and...
318
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:07,233
Hey, where did all this water
come from?
319
00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:09,068
There used to be a trail here.
320
00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,143
And there used to be
a beaver dam there.
321
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:14,011
Who are you, the "used to" police?
Unh! Unh!
322
00:18:14,553 --> 00:18:15,794
CLARA:
Help!
323
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,192
Help me. I can't swim.
324
00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:20,872
I'm one lesson short.
325
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,896
How can we get across?
326
00:18:24,521 --> 00:18:27,451
Hey, beavers, remember me,
you buck-toothed nerds?
327
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,641
[BART LAUGHING]
328
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,486
Run across.
329
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:48,201
I'm sorry. I only sent you
the wrong way...
330
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:50,683
...because I thought
you were Luke's girlfriend.
331
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:54,280
Well, that certainly
justifies attempted murder.
332
00:18:54,927 --> 00:18:58,003
You know, there are more important
things in this world than boys.
333
00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:02,038
- And when... Hello, handsome.
- What's up, cootie breath?
334
00:19:05,896 --> 00:19:09,452
Look at those stupid city slickers
with their fur coats and pointy hats.
335
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,464
Homer, those are elk.
336
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,320
I still hate them.
337
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,541
Go back to Grosse Pointe.
338
00:19:15,948 --> 00:19:17,553
[ELK BELLOWING]
339
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:23,205
Lisa, Clara told me
about how you saved her last night.
340
00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:25,760
- Did Clara tell you anything else?
- No.
341
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:29,357
Just that she felt mighty stupid
for getting herself lost in them woods.
342
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,714
Listen, Luke.
It's my fault Clara got lost.
343
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:37,031
I didn't know she was your sister
and I wanted you all to myself.
344
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:39,482
You would do that just for me?
345
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,860
That's despicable.
346
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:46,301
You're the kind of slicker my family
left Central Park West to avoid.
347
00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:50,493
You got a lot of chutzpah, missy.
Goodbye.
348
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,017
[CRYING]
349
00:19:54,403 --> 00:19:57,041
Oh, I had my first crush.
350
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,763
And all it did
was make me do terrible things...
351
00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:04,152
...and then break my heart.
352
00:20:05,956 --> 00:20:07,927
Lisa, welcome to love.
353
00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,524
It's full of doubt and pain
and uncertainty.
354
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:17,540
But then one day, you find a man
you love so much, it hurts.
355
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:21,242
- Who is he?
- You, Homie.
356
00:20:21,805 --> 00:20:24,474
Whoo-hoo!
In your face, imaginary guy.
357
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,572
Hey, let's see if Dad's song
is finally off the air.
358
00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:31,721
BILL [ON RADIO]: Next,
Springfield's latest one-hit wonder...
359
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:35,485
...The "Moe Szyslak Connection,"
produced by David Byrne.
360
00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:37,905
MOE [SINGING ON RADIO]:
Moe, Moe, Moe
361
00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:40,449
How do you like me?
How do you like me?
362
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,524
Moe, Moe, Moe
363
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:45,037
Why don't you like me?
Nobody likes me
364
00:20:45,537 --> 00:20:48,280
Eh. We can spend another week
at the ranch.
365
00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:51,491
Yee-haw!
366
00:20:51,919 --> 00:20:53,274
[LAUGHS]
367
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:57,299
Oh, that can't be good for the struts.
368
00:21:43,554 --> 00:21:44,836
WOMAN:
Shh.
369
00:21:50,018 --> 00:21:50,894
[English - US -SDH]