1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:05,089
<i>(SINGING) The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,244
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,207
D'oh!

4
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:11,367
(EXCLAIMING)

5
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:12,930
(TIRES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,451
(HUMMING)

7
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,602
ls there anything
more fun than
a nice Sunday drive?

8
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,371
Oh, yeah,
it's great.

9
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,801
Why don't we top it off
by reading to old people?

10
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,405
Well, I think
in these days

11
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,568
of petro-terrorists
and ozone depletion,

12
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,120
a Sunday drive
reeks of bio-hubris.

13
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,290
Hey, hey!
It's Krusty
the Clown!

14
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:50,566
What do you say, Krusty?

15
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,766
What?

16
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,246
Can't I get
a cup of coffee

17
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,561
without doing
a monkey dance
for you freaks?

18
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,405
The fishing hat
means leave me alone!

19
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,207
Always nice
to see him.

20
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,482
How did Dad
get out of this
snooze cruise?

21
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:04,846
He's cleaning out
the garage.

22
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,450
I can picture it now.

23
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,687
I cleaned out the garage
and lost 50 pounds.

24
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,566
(LAUGHS)

25
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,046
(SIGHS)

26
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,291
Ah! Hmm.

27
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:24,003
It seems a shame to chuck out
these cross-country skis.

28
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,081
Mmm.

29
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,161
I'll keep one.

30
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,726
Let's see, now.

31
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,446
"Kill spiders"?

32
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,250
We don't have spiders.

33
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:33,801
(SCREAMS)

34
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:35,886
(STRAINS)

35
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:40,881
Stupid spider!

36
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,087
Afraid of dying?

37
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,444
(GRUNTS) Ah-ha!

38
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:47,686
Huh?

39
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,565
(SCREAMING)

40
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,849
(SCREAMS)
(CLANKIING)

41
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,801
What?

42
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,087
Spider poison
is people poison?

43
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:02,361
(CRIES)

44
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:04,886
Bart! (G RU NTS)

45
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,530
Hmm. Where's the pain?

46
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:08,841
(GROANS) Ow!

47
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:10,046
There it is! (CRYING)

48
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:16,401
A spider?

49
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:21,801
(GRUNTS)

50
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,131
(SCREAMING)

51
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:31,921
Ow!

52
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,368
HOMER: Ow! Ow! Ow!
(THUDDING)

53
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,445
(GASPS) Homie!

54
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,923
Time to open
the envelope
I gave you.

55
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,406
(STRAINS)

56
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,561
Out of the way!

57
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,523
I learned CPR
while waiting
for other kids

58
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:52,840
to finish
their math tests.

59
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,490
(BLOWS)
(GRUNTS)

60
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,086
(PANTING)

61
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,609
Compress his chest!
I'm on it.

62
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,205
(BOTH GRUNT)

63
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:04,771
(COUGHS)

64
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,450
Hey! What...

65
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,284
What happened?
Where am I?

66
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,722
Who put
those spiders
in my mouth?

67
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,930
Oh, thank God!
He's alive!

68
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,045
You wouldn't believe
what happened to me!

69
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,246
I tried to do
what you told me to,

70
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,845
but I don't even
know what happened.
(CLUTTERING)

71
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,931
I don't even know
what happened.

72
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,445
Honey?
I'm trying to remember...

73
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:28,687
Oh, uh...

74
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,321
Near-fatal booboo
today really scared me.

75
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,485
What would the kids and I do
if something happened to you?

76
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,166
Don't worry,

77
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,891
if I croak,
you'll marry
Lenny or Moe.

78
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,007
The winner
will be determined

79
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,445
by a card game
I invented.

80
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,285
I got all the rules
written down up here.

81
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,408
You keep
almost dying.

82
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,323
Just look at
our vacation photos.

83
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,962
<i>(SINGING) Vacation
All I ever wanted</i>

84
00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,888
<i>Vacation
Had to get away</i>

85
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,321
<i>Vacation
Meant to be spent alone</i>

86
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,241
(MUSIC STOPPED)

87
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:04,484
Homie, if you die,
I'm gonna have three
kids to take care of.

88
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,120
I want you
to buy some
life insurance.

89
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:08,841
Please?

90
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,690
Sure. If it'll give
you peace of mind.

91
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,280
But I'm not gonna die
for many, many years.

92
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,721
I know. I just want to...

93
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,529
(SCREAMS)
(CHOKING)

94
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,205
(BUZZING)

95
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,282
Mr. Simpson,
before we can
insure you,

96
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,010
we need
to ask you
some questions.

97
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:39,725
Have you ever had
a heart attack?

98
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,046
Haven't we all?

99
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,286
Strokes?
None.

100
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:43,725
No, wait,
three. (LAUGHS)

101
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,005
Since the last one,
I don't remember so good.

102
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,088
Are you a smoker?
Yes, I am.

103
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,049
You don't smoke!
(SHUSHING)

104
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,964
I want her
to think I'm cool!

105
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,210
If I sign it,
it still counts!

106
00:04:58,440 --> 00:04:59,441
(SCREAMS)

107
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,124
My hemophilia!

108
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,486
(SCREAMS)

109
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,368
Oh, uninsurable?

110
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,807
Oh.

111
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,807
(SIGHS)

112
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:12,881
I'm not gonna worry

113
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,207
just because
Homer doesn't
have insurance.

114
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:16,441
A lot of people don't.

115
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,409
(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING)

116
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:21,841
(MURMURS)

117
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:25,242
<i>Oh, Roger,
I just love
our present lifestyle.</i>

118
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,321
<i>Don't thank me.</i>

119
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,243
<i>Thank our many
debts and obligations.</i>

120
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,526
(SCREAMS)

121
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:32,727
(GAGGING)

122
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,801
<i>Honey!</i>

123
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,081
<i>Stop kidding around!</i>

124
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,601
<i>Honey?</i>

125
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:38,646
(SCREAMS)

126
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,566
<i>Brenda, I'm afraid
your husband
had no insurance.</i>

127
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,365
<i>Well, how will I
feed my family?</i>

128
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,527
<i>You should have
thought of that</i>

129
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,682
<i>before you had children
with a dead man.</i>

130
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,161
<i>Oh!</i>

131
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,921
Oh, this is only
based on a story.

132
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,648
A true story!

133
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,487
<i>Brenda! Where's your wealth?</i>

134
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,648
<i>Gone! Along with
my sanity!</i>

135
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,051
(CACKLES)

136
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,646
<i>But I'm still pretty,
right? Right?</i>

137
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,769
(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING)

138
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,851
Mmm. We need
to start saving.

139
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,565
Go easy on that!

140
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,563
It's got to last
till you're five.

141
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,007
<i>Budget-Os'?</i>

142
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,088
That's right.
It's much less expensive

143
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,168
than the leading
clown-based cereal.

144
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,969
You just have
to assemble it yourself.

145
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,960
We saved 50 cents
on that purchase.

146
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,124
Mom, why are you
so worried about money?

147
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,808
Oh, we're just saving
for a very rainy day.

148
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,723
You mean when
the big tuna
goes belly-up?

149
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:51,767
Huh?

150
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,286
Well, I just think we should
be building a nest egg.

151
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:55,481
Way ahead
of you, Marge.

152
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,120
I just ordered
a series of tapes
on saving money.

153
00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,606
They should
get here soon.

154
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,330
I paid a bundle for
overnight delivery.

155
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,045
I have a book
from the library

156
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,122
with the same
information.

157
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,851
Okay, I'll just hire
a haulage firm
to cart them away

158
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:09,570
at my expense!

159
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,681
Directory assistance?

160
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,524
No more
directory assistance!

161
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,601
It's not free.

162
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:15,841
Well, I'll get
a lawyer on that.

163
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,371
No, a whole team
of lawyers,

164
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,886
who will dine on mustard
flown in from the Orient.

165
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,048
No more
Oriental mustard!

166
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,211
(GRUNTING)

167
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,848
It's so embarrassing.
Mom is making us
wear clothes from Goodwill.

168
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,121
(GROANS)

169
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:31,921
(GROANS)

170
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,601
Ha-ha! People died
in those shirts.

171
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:37,761
(BOTH GROAN)

172
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,443
Hey, hey, hey!
No outside suds!

173
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:49,646
I'm sorry, Moe.

174
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,882
Marge won't let me
spend any money,

175
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:53,565
even counterfeit money!

176
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,401
(LAUGHS)

177
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,410
It's my money.
I'm the one
who earns it.

178
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,882
Drinking beer
out of a thermos
like an animal.

179
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,881
Can you help me unload
this soup from the car?

180
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,407
There was a sale,
so I bought 400 cans.

181
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,411
Marge, your penny-pinching
rampage has gone too far.

182
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,166
Oh, honey,
I know it's not easy,

183
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,248
but we've got
to put money away.

184
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,289
You can't enjoy money
when you're dead,

185
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,249
so why not
have fun now?

186
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,607
Don't you think
you've had enough "fun"?

187
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,402
Last year
you spent $5,000
on donuts,

188
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,842
$2,000 on
scalp massages,

189
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,048
$500 on
body glitter...

190
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:31,650
Hey, I earned
that money.

191
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,006
While you lounge
around here,

192
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,923
Doing laundry and
putting up drywall,

193
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,843
I'm at work
busting my hump.

194
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,565
Oh, please!

195
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,644
From what I hear,
you waltz in there at 10:30,

196
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,165
take a nap
on the toilet,

197
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,641
then sit around
googling your own
name until lunch.

198
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:46,960
(GASPS) Who told you that?

199
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,248
You shouted it
while we were
making love!

200
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,481
Now, look here,
mister.

201
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,847
I pay the bills,
I do the budget,

202
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,968
and I'm in charge
of the money.

203
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,121
Hmm!
Hmm!

204
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,885
Are you going to let her
push you around?

205
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,531
Yeah, show that skirt
who's boss, see?

206
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,489
Give us
our independence, Homer.

207
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,046
Yes, President Franklin.

208
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:13,327
I was never president.

209
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,727
I invented some kind of stove.

210
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,485
Well, I invented a Popsicle
made of Mountain Dew.

211
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:19,841
Sweet.

212
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,365
Yeah, yeah,
that's swell.

213
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:29,926
(GASPS)

214
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,650
My scrimpings!

215
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:36,761
(GRUNTS)

216
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:40,921
You banged?

217
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,970
Did you spend
our savings
on a motor home?

218
00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,324
No. I spent our savings
on the down payment
for a motor home.

219
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,164
I need a castle
where I can be king!

220
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,761
VVell, I hope
you enjoy it,
Your Majesty,

221
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,002
'cause I'm not
speaking to you.

222
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,531
(GRUNTS)

223
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:05,761
Damn it!

224
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,129
Kids, your mother
and I have decided

225
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,964
to take
a little break
from each other.

226
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,645
While we deal
with our issues,

227
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,451
I plan to go on
<i>Motor Home Makeover</i>

228
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,522
and trick this thing
out like a palace,

229
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,450
not like that dump
you live in.

230
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,126
All I need is for
someone to start
a show called

231
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,406
<i>Motor Home Makeover!</i>

232
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:28,006
I see. You were mad enough
to leave our house,

233
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,242
but not mad enough
to leave our property.

234
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:31,771
That's my
half-assed dad.

235
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,689
Hey, I couldn't leave
you kids.

236
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,165
You're like
my own family.

237
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,044
Now check
this place out.

238
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,171
Neat! When I sleep
at Dad's, I call this bed.

239
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,890
You can have it.
This one's way better.

240
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,121
That's a bread compartment.

241
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,321
You're a bread
compartment!

242
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,209
Kids! Come back
in the house!

243
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:49,806
Oh, do we have to?

244
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,167
I melted string cheese
over some corn chips.

245
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,446
BOTH: Oh, boy!

246
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,204
I've got Gameboys
and caramel apples!

247
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,084
MARGE: I'll let you
sass me!

248
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,286
HOMER: I'll let you
punch me!

249
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,840
MARGE: You can wear swimsuits
instead of underwear!

250
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,570
HOMER: We'll have
Christmas tomorrow!

251
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,085
BOTH: Yeah!

252
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:06,484
<i>(SINGING)
Welcome to the jungle</i>

253
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,723
<i>We've got fun and games</i>

254
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,848
<i>We got everything
you want, honey</i>

255
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,001
<i>We know the names</i>

256
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,560
<i>We are the people
that can find
whatever you may need</i>

257
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,641
(GROWLS)

258
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,847
(BEEPS)
Whoo-hoo!

259
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:20,921
Free gas!

260
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,970
Well, it's a pleasure
to meet another sultan
of the slow lane.

261
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,610
That's my rig
over there.

262
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,849
She's a Roam Away
Silver Coach.

263
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,765
34 feet of
walnut-burled freedom.

264
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:31,841
(WHISTLES)

265
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,644
Boy, I wouldn't mind
driving that

266
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,848
to the Holland,
Michigan Tulip Festival.

267
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,168
I'm looking
for a place
to dock the beast.

268
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,406
I don't mean you, Martha.

269
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,608
I've never loved you either.

270
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,447
We use jokes
to mask our pain
at the death of our son.

271
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,201
Really.

272
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:52,090
Hmm. A place to dock?
I got room.

273
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:55,846
I have a backyard
that makes my front yard
look like an idiot.

274
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,929
Can I bring the rest
of the convoy?

275
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,570
(ALL HONKING)

276
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,000
Are you crazy?

277
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,526
Let 12 complete strangers
live on my lawn?

278
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,762
Well, we'll give you
regional beers.

279
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,444
It's a deal! Whoo-hoo!

280
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,925
And there you have it.

281
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:10,487
Ah!

282
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:12,410
Welcome, welcome.

283
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:14,801
If my wife asks,
you're here for
a Boz Scaggs concert.

284
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,281
MARGE: Homer!

285
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,323
What are all these
recreational vehicles
doing here?

286
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,482
These are my new friends.

287
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,529
They like me for me

288
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,842
and my plumbing
and gas hookups.

289
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,201
Young lady,
I like what
you're driving.

290
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,966
Is that one of them
two-level Wander-Kings?

291
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,849
This is a house!

292
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:35,446
(GROWLS)

293
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,571
Hey, boys,
let's play her
the RV national anthem.

294
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,411
(STARTS ENGINE)

295
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,965
(ENGINES REV)

296
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,570
Daddy, all the fumes
are making me dizzy.

297
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,411
Well, now, Rodney,
the Lord wouldn't
let us die this way.

298
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:54,567
That's right, Ned.

299
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,250
Now, you three
take a little nap

300
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:57,731
while I make
some hot chocolate.

301
00:12:58,040 --> 00:12:59,371
BOTH: Yay!

302
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,802
<i>(SINGING)
I've been everywhere, man</i>

303
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,689
<i>I've been everywhere</i>

304
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,081
<i>Travel, I've done
my share, man</i>

305
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,969
<i>I've been everywhere</i>

306
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,883
<i>I've been to Springfield,
Shelbyville, Ogdenville</i>

307
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,088
<i>Cap City, Ogdenberg,
Shelbytown, Spring City</i>

308
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,924
<i>Capfield, West Springfield,
Paris, Rome</i>

309
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,286
<i>And Shelbyville adjacent...</i>

310
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,641
Sing it, baby!
That's a lot of places.

311
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,210
Whoo-ee!
Oh, yeah!

312
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,044
I know another
place you can go!

313
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,327
To sleep.

314
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,928
Sorry, Marge.
We've got the power now,
and you can't turn us off!

315
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,607
Can't turn off the power, eh?

316
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,646
(MUSIC PLAYING)

317
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,324
<i>(SINGING) Sashay this
and fancy that</i>

318
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,765
<i>Watch the dog
dance with the cat</i>

319
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,411
(SIZZLING)

320
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:42,561
(ANGRY MURMUR)

321
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:47,762
Lights out, weirdos!

322
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,246
(GROWLS)

323
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,844
I was making
a Monte Cristo sandwich
when my crisper cut out.

324
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,686
It's not golden brown,
it's not brown,
it's not nothing.

325
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:00,841
Dang!

326
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:09,927
Oh!

327
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,842
You don't belong
on the lawn.

328
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,207
You belong
in your bed
with your wife.

329
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:19,725
That's no marriage bed.

330
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,485
It's a loveless slab
of bossiness!

331
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,041
(GASPS) Well,
you're not perfect either!

332
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,963
Name one way I'm not.

333
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,725
MARGE:
You hide food in my hair.

334
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,247
You think brushing
your teeth is foreplay...

335
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,805
I'll have you know
I could have married
Sideshow Mel!

336
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,331
Boy, they're really
going at it.

337
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:37,851
Do you think
they're gonna
get divorced?

338
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,964
No. I don't see
Dad doing all
that paperwork.

339
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,846
HOMER: What?
I seem to recall you
asked me to get this fat!

340
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:45,967
Oh, boy.

341
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,805
Let's get out of here
before Dad does
a bad impression of Mom.

342
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,486
HOMER: (MOCKING)
Ooh! I'm Marge Simpson.

343
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,206
Don't eat
off the floor. Ooh!

344
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,409
MARGE:
lam so sick of that story

345
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:59,006
about finding an onion ring
in your French fries.

346
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,721
It was 20 years ago.

347
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,167
HOMER: That was my Woodstock!

348
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,281
Oh!

349
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,010
You know
what started
all this trouble?

350
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,326
This motor home.

351
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,925
How can a vehicle this cool

352
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,570
destroy a marriage
that crappy?

353
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,889
Hey, I know
this is a crazy idea,
but hear me out.

354
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,405
What if We. .. (GASPS)

355
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,641
Take this back
to the dealer?

356
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,723
Well, I was gonna say,
"Call Reverend Lovejoy,"

357
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,046
but l guess
this could work.

358
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,770
HOMER: Oh, yeah, Marge?

359
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,322
What about my womanly needs?

360
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,205
(HOMER WAILING)

361
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,165
(TIRES SCREECHING)

362
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,407
(HONKING)

363
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,364
Slowly, slowly.

364
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,411
The RV dealer
is across town
under that gorilla blimp.

365
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,451
How do you know
that's their blimp?

366
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,090
Duh! It's Kamper Kong.

367
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,406
(ROARS)

368
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,331
Bob, word on the street
is there's two kids

369
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,885
trying to return an RV.

370
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,731
Return an RV?

371
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:54,366
(GRUNTS)

372
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,041
Tie me to the Kong
and cut its tethers.

373
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,688
MARGE: You don't take
anything seriously.

374
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,762
Not even your
bankruptcy hearing!

375
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,763
Hey, that judge
thought I rocked.

376
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:04,921
Case closed!

377
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,240
Although my case
is still open.

378
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,569
If you need me,
I'll be in my trailer!

379
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,520
(GASPS)

380
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,490
My RV is gone!

381
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,648
It was more than a motor home.

382
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,122
It was a car
I could go
to the bathroom in.

383
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,326
(WAILING)

384
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,890
Hey, a note.

385
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,446
MARGE: (READING)
"Dear Mom and Dad,

386
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,246
"we don't want
you guys to split up,

387
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,005
"so we're driving the RV
back to the dealer."

388
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,526
(GASPS) We've got
to stop them.

389
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:36,530
Oh! This is a parent's
worst nightmare!

390
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:39,571
They've stolen a car
and they're home alone.

391
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,522
Let's see,
the RV dealership is

392
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,688
Across the freeway
on the corner of...

393
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,969
Hey! This is
a Flintstones Fun Map.

394
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,849
Look, Dad wrote something.

395
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,968
"'Dino.' Short for dinosaur?

396
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,288
"Remember to ask Jeeves."

397
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,610
(BOTH SCREAM)

398
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:02,487
We're on the freeway!

399
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,045
Would you look at
those Simpson kids?

400
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,724
Last year
it was Razor scooters,

401
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,888
this year
they're driving RVs.

402
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,645
When I was a kid,
my mom would give me

403
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:14,921
an empty egg carton

404
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,287
and I'd pretend it was
a spaceship to the moon.

405
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,047
You'll never guess
what I used
for astronauts.

406
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,009
I'm going to say eggs.

407
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,801
Shut up.

408
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,889
Oh, my God,
there they are!

409
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,931
(GRUNTS) Oh!

410
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,525
I've lost them!

411
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,206
I can't see past all the SUVs!

412
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,765
Don't worry about the SUVs.

413
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,968
There's a gentle
curve up ahead.

414
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,646
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

415
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,490
Bart! Pull over!

416
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,961
We'll stop fighting,
we promise!

417
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,201
Prove it!

418
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,481
Yeah, kiss and make up!

419
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,090
We're not
quite there yet,

420
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,924
but we've opened up
a dialogue!

421
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,082
Not good enough! Kiss!

422
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,321
Oh!

423
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,685
French it up,
lover boyl

424
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,604
I'm not a machine.
I can't just turn it on!

425
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,011
Oh! Come here.

426
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,684
(MOANS)
(GROANS)

427
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,364
Now pull over!

428
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,726
First, raise
my allowance.

429
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,803
Why, you little...
(TIRES SCREECHING)

430
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:24,600
(CHOKING)

431
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,526
We're going downhill
and I can't reach the brakes!

432
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,201
(BOTH SCREAM)

433
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,967
Look! "Runaway Truck Lane!"

434
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,451
We're saved!
(TIRES SCREECHING)

435
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,409
Oh, rats.

436
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,081
(BOTH SCREAM)

437
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,001
LISA: Ooh!

438
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:55,720
(SIREN BLOWING)

439
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,325
Oh! Thank God
for that Turkish freighter.

440
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,404
Now we'll just
go get them and...
(SIREN BLOWING)

441
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,404
My kids
are on your boat.
Turn back!

442
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:08,960
I see no kids.

443
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,644
And we must get
these Season One

444
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,405
<i>Northern Exposure</i> DVDs
to Kahramanmaras.

445
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,685
(BOTH PANTING)

446
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,001
Help us!

447
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,209
Bring back our children,
you Cyprus-splitting jerks!

448
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,922
Just for that,
we keep your children.

449
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,207
Will you raise them Christian?

450
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,930
Coptic Christian.

451
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,686
No! (CRYING)

452
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,401
Captain, wait!
I have something here
that might change your mind!

453
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,445
What are you showing me? Soup?

454
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,286
300 cans of Budget
Club mushroom soup!

455
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,687
If you have some
noodles and tuna fish,

456
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:49,448
you can make a casserole
that's small on price,
but big on flavor.

457
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,365
You are a wise woman.

458
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,011
It is a shame
you dress like
a Lebanese prostitute.

459
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,446
Return to the docks!

460
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,122
Well, if he thinks
he's getting a corner piece,
forget it.

461
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,850
(MUSIC PLAYING)

462
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:11,005
Wow, Marge,
once again, your mom-ly
wisdom averted disaster.

463
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,403
And I promise
I will return this RV
first thing in the morning.

464
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,566
HOMER: Easy... Easy...

465
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,571
Easy... Easy...

466
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,561
D'oh!

467
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,922
Water damage?
Can't be returned.
I win again!

468
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,326
(CACKLES)

469
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,126
Aw, hey.
It's only money.

470
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,328
And it did make
a cool splash. (GIGGLES)

471
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,851
Marge,
you're taking this
pretty well.

472
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,840
Dude, she seemed tense,
so we put a little
hashish in her meal.

473
00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:48,486
Cool.

474
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:53,043
Which came first,
turkey the bird or
Turkey the you guys?

475
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,406
If you don't want
to say it, just think it.

476
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,644
<i>(SINGING)
Istanbul was Constantinople</i>

477
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,768
<i>Now it's Istanbul
not Constantinople</i>

478
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,649
<i>Been a long time gone
Constantinople</i>

479
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,200
<i>Now it's Turkish delight
on a moonlit night</i>

480
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,286
<i>Istanbul</i>

481
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,603
<i>(SINGING)
I've been everywhere, man</i>

482
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,768
<i>I've been everywhere, man</i>

483
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,729
<i>Crossed the deserts bare, man</i>

484
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,928
<i>I've breathed
the mountain air, man</i>

485
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,207
<i>Of travel I've had
my share, man</i>

486
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,044
<i>I've been everywhere</i>

487
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,481
<i>I've been to Reno,
Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota</i>

488
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,608
<i>Buffalo, Toronto,
Winslow, Sarasota</i>

489
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,887
<i>Wichita, Tulsa,
Ottawa, Oklahoma</i>

490
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,008
<i>Tampa, Panama,
Mattawa, La Paloma</i>

491
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,128
<i>Bangor, Baltimore,
Salvador, Amarillo</i>

492
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,248
<i>Tocaplllo, Barranquilla,
and Perdilla, I'm a killer</i>

493
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:42,530
<i>I've been everywhere, man</i>

494
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,489
<i>Crossed the deserts bare, man</i>

495
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,608
<i>I've breathed
the mountain air, man</i>

496
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,967
<i>Of travel I've had
my share, man</i>

497
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,849
<i>I've been everywhere</i>