1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,083
<i>(SINGING) The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,090
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,446
D'oh!

4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,967
(SCREAMS)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

5
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,691
(ALL SCREAM)

6
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,089
(DISTANT THUDDING)

7
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,050
(COCKING GUNS)

8
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:38,051
Something's coming,
Sarge. Something big!

9
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,565
Stay strong, men.

10
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,563
The United States is due
to win a war sometime.

11
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,211
Oh, good Lord!
It a Swingline!

12
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,201
(GASPS)

13
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:50,561
(SCREAMS)

14
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,165
Medic!

15
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,323
(GROANS)
(BOTH STRAINING)

16
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:56,966
Skinner!

17
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,447
(ALL SCREAM)

18
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,364
(STUTTERS) Yes,
Superintendent Chalmers?

19
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:05,726
Do you know
what today is?

20
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,485
Today? Yes,
of course I do!

21
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:12,201
<i>(SINGING) Happy birthday
to you, happy...</i>

22
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,930
It not my birthday,
Seymour.

23
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,650
You know
I'm a Sagittarius.

24
00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,923
Really? I'm a Libra.
There's a lot of
compatibility there.

25
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,923
Skinner, be gay
on your own time.

26
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,445
Today is the day
we choose

27
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,131
who gets the school's
vending machine contract.

28
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:28,130
I anticipate
quite the dog
and pony show.

29
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,407
Sir, this school
has a strict
no-animal policy.

30
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,687
I assume
these are hypothetical
dogs and poni?

31
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,126
Y'arr, everyone likes
a gumball machine.

32
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:40,722
So why not
a gumbo machine? Y'arr...

33
00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,205
(SCREAMS)

34
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,963
Does your school nurse
treat burns?
Nope.

35
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,485
It couldn't be simpler.

36
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:52,609
Kids write down
what they want,
put their money in the can,

37
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,842
and I take the bus
to the supermarket

38
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,002
and bring the snacks
the next day.

39
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,684
Huh? (GROANS)

40
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:00,885
Is that a yes?

41
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,249
Kids want a snack
that skateboards,

42
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,288
won't clean his room,
and hates homework.

43
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,490
That's why we
created Scarf-ables
by Scammer and Z-Dog!

44
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,528
These two spokes-rebels
were invented

45
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,171
by the marketing team
that came up
with Hip-Hopsicles,

46
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:15,526
the urban Popsicle.

47
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,968
Yes. I saw those
when my normal grocery
store was on strike.

48
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,407
Well, here's what
really seals the deal.

49
00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:24,290
<i>(RAPPING) Yo, yo, yo!
Slide your green
into the machine.</i>

50
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,761
<i>And don't expect
any change, dawg.</i>

51
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:31,050
It's like a fundraising
school bake sale with slang
as the Saran Wrap.

52
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:35,011
And a subsonic
neuro-jammer disrupts
the child's judgment center.

53
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,930
Fair enough.
I assume these
snacks are nutritious?

54
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,525
That's really
none of our business.

55
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,649
The bottom line is,
half the profits go
to your school or camp.

56
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,166
You heard the lady.
Just sign the damn contract.

57
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,366
Yo.

58
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,523
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

59
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:52,521
Wow!

60
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:53,926
(READING)

61
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,090
They sound like
my kind of snacks.

62
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,650
(BEEPING)
on. (READING)

63
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,844
Oh, my God!
Look at these ingredients!

64
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,604
"Hydrogenated
petroleum oil,

65
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,651
"monosodium poisonate,
partially de-weaponized
plutonium"?

66
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,201
<i>Attention, duped masses!</i>

67
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,045
<i>These new
vending machine snacks
are crammed with</i>

68
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,762
<i>processed sugar,
industrial by-products,
and trans-fatty acids!</i>

69
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,047
<i>(RAPPING) Don't flavor hate.
Participate.</i>

70
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,724
Machine makes a good point.

71
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,442
<i>Don't be a follower!
Be a snack-swallower!</i>

72
00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,251
It's fun to obey
the machine.

73
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,809
(WHIRRING)
Mmm. Mmm.

74
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,965
Mmm.
(SIGHS)

75
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,045
<i>Way to go, dude.</i>

76
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:53,488
<i>You're 5 cents away
from an awesome
beverage or snack.</i>

77
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,687
(GRUNTS)

78
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,285
Oh, I'm out of money!

79
00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,401
Willie! You want to
buy my skateboard?

80
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,561
Hey, Why not?

81
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,371
For once, it'll be
all eyes on Willie!

82
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,080
(GRUNTS)

83
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,403
Look at me!
I'm an American boy!

84
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,842
Uh-oh! Stairway! (SCREAMS)

85
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,651
Hey, I'm getting the...
No, I'm not!
(GRUNTING)

86
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,722
Hey, okay, I'm all right.

87
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,643
(YELLS) No, I spoke too soon!

88
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:21,960
Ah, that's better.

89
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,246
(SCREAMS)

90
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,364
What are you looking at,
you bastards?
(HUMMING)

91
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,049
Bart, I spent
all afternoon

92
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,168
stuffing tuna fish
into that steak.

93
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,129
Have some.
No, thanks.

94
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,407
The vending machines
at school feed me now.

95
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,571
Oh, so I've been
replaced by a machine?

96
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:46,044
(CHUCKLES) Marge, no machine
could ever replace you.
Why, you're the...

97
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,771
Or could it?

98
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:53,041
Oh, Margebot,
I'm ready for some loving.

99
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,211
(SCREAMING)

100
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,969
Oh, why did I give her a gun?

101
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:05,681
But I repeat,
no one is being
replaced by a machine...

102
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,410
Until all the kinks
are worked out.

103
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,211
Well, until that day,
I'm still Bart's mother,

104
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,250
and I don't like him
stuffing himself with junk.

105
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,726
(WHINING)

106
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,609
Oh, fine.

107
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,131
(WHINING)

108
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,202
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

109
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,767
<i>Yummy, yummy, yummy
I got love in my tummy</i>

110
00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:33,841
(BURPS)

111
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,048
<i>And I feel like a loving you</i>

112
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,125
<i>Love, you're such
a sweet thing</i>

113
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,645
<i>Good enough to eat thing</i>

114
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,361
<i>And that's just
what I'm gonna do</i>

115
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,604
<i>Ooh, love to hold ya</i>

116
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,444
<i>Ooh, love to kiss ya</i>

117
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,409
<i>Ooh, love, I love it so</i>

118
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:55,771
(SINGING)

119
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,170
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

120
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,565
(METAL SQUEALING)

121
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,604
(SCREAMS)
(BARKS)

122
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,162
(SCREAMS)
Be careful!

123
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,170
(SCREECHING)

124
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,731
(SCREAMS)

125
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,086
(GRUNTS)

126
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:49,765
(GROANING)

127
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,444
My heart!
It hurts so much!

128
00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:55,001
(GROANS) Like it's caught
in a vise!

129
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,367
(CHUCKLES)

130
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,488
My little boy's in love.

131
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,324
I think he's having
a heart attack!

132
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:01,846
(GROANS LOUDLY)

133
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,169
(STAMMERING) Come on, son!
You can fight this!

134
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,686
Do the Bartman!
Do the Bartman!

135
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,366
(GRUNTING)

136
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,849
Why don't you dance?
Dance! (SOBBING)

137
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,644
Doctor, little kids
aren't supposed to
have heart attacks.

138
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,006
They're supposed
to skin their knees,

139
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,526
and poke their eyes out,
and be smothered by cats.

140
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,286
Well, Bart had a heart attack,
and it's his own damn fault!

141
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,001
These dark spots
in his pulmonary arteries
are malted milk balls.

142
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,362
His liver
looks healthy.
Mmm-hmm.

143
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,881
That a wad
of Laffy Taffy.
Oh!

144
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,126
Now when Bart goes home,

145
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,363
he gonna have to follow
a program of strict
diet and exercise.

146
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,482
Damn it, I will not
bury another patient!

147
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,562
Doctor, you're a pediatrician!

148
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,802
Yeah. But my head's
been somewhere else
this year.

149
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,565
(SINGING)

150
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,491
(HUMMING)

151
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,081
Oh!

152
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,564
Yes. Mmm-hmm.

153
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,130
Yup. Mmm-hmm.

154
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,521
Okay. We'll start with
a routine stress test.

155
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,566
(BEEPING)

156
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,003
(BEEPING ERRATICALLY)

157
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:29,961
(SCREAMS)

158
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:56,891
(SCREAMS)

159
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,805
(EXPLOSION)

160
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,645
(LAUGHING)

161
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,205
Bart, how can you
laugh at that?

162
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,845
You just had
a heart attack!

163
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,969
Yeah, but what
does not kill me,
makes me stronger. (GASPS)

164
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:16,921
Wow!

165
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,889
That was a lot of words.

166
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,769
I need some energy.

167
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,245
<i>Hey, hey, kids.</i>

168
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,924
(LAUGHS)

169
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,122
<i>Heart disease
can strike anyone,</i>

170
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,806
<i>including heavy-drinking,
chain-smoking clowns!</i>

171
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:35,009
<i>That why
I had the doctor
install a zipper!</i>

172
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,966
<i>Up, down,
up, down. Huh?
(WHISTLING)</i>

173
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,087
(CHUCKLES)

174
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,161
(PANICKED GRUNTS)

175
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,810
<i>Ah! The zipper's stuck!</i>

176
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,241
(ALL GASP)

177
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,722
<i>Oh, I should've gone
with the button fly.</i>

178
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,763
(SOBBING)

179
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,886
(LAUGHING)

180
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,648
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON TV)

181
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,646
(GROANS)

182
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,402
I talked
to Dr. Hibbert today.

183
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,687
He gave me a list
of heart-smart foods.

184
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,049
“Gotta-hay cheese“?

185
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,929
Cottage cheese!

186
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,608
Yuck! From the looks of it,
this cheese has
already been eaten.

187
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,365
Oh, honey, please
take this seriously.

188
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,011
When people
used to ask me
how you were doing,

189
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,811
I said, "At least
he's got his health."

190
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,484
Now you've got nothing!

191
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,251
Okay, Mom.
For you, I'll try.

192
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,326
(CHOKING)

193
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,929
Okay. Now we know
you're allergic
to cauliflower.

194
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,722
But I made a special
platter of vegetables
that are good for you.

195
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,322
It graffiti you can eatie.

196
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,209
You get better, son.

197
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,204
Meanwhile, the rest of us
will be going to the library.

198
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,361
Where are you really going?

199
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,487
Milkshake festival.

200
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,767
Look! You can see
the booths from your window!

201
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:51,004
Hmm?
(CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING)

202
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,086
MILKSHAKE: Today only.
Free milkshakes
for 10-year-old boys!

203
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:58,084
Drink your own weight
in milkshakes,
and win a milkshake.

204
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:09,921
(GASPS)

205
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,929
I'd better tell Dad.

206
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,361
Lisa, take a picture of me
with all the milkshakes!

207
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,762
All right, everybody,
get in there.
Okay, we all in?

208
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,366
Hurry! They're melting!

209
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,448
Mmm. Maybe
Mom's the way to go.

210
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,051
(HUMMING)

211
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,281
(GASPS)

212
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,845
ALL: Intervention!

213
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,649
What, the family?

214
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,961
Uh, son, we're here
to help with your, uh...

215
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,725
Which addictadiddilydiction
are we going after here?

216
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,644
Overeating.
And if there's time,
we'll get to my drinking.

217
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:07,960
But there won't be time.

218
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,046
I'm telling you, Bart.

219
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,043
One vice
leads to another.

220
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,963
And then
you'll wind up like me.

221
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,327
So jaded
the only thing that
gets you off

222
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,846
is freebasing
ground-up moon rocks.

223
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:21,811
(SUCKING)

224
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,411
All this does
is get me to normal.

225
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:26,720
(SIGHS)

226
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,080
Thank you, Krusty.

227
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,241
Once again,
you've delivered

228
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,402
an important message
wrapped in entertainment.

229
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,967
And I'm so touched
that all of you would
take the time to...

230
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,407
Eat my shorts, lame-os!
(CHUCKLES)

231
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:41,521
Oh!

232
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,011
(STRAINING)

233
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,884
Help! Kidnappers!

234
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,771
They're not kidnappers.

235
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,446
They're professionally
trained child-snatchers

236
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,763
Who are taking you
to a maximum-security
fat camp.

237
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,285
I'm not fat!

238
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,725
(GRUNTING)

239
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:00,723
(STRAINING)

240
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,047
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,
I'm facility director
Tab Spangler.

241
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,727
United States
Marine Corps, retired,
but not tired!

242
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,850
Guess how old I am?
Come on. Take a guess.

243
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,371
Forty-seven?

244
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:33,201
I hate when they're over.
Even on-the-nose hurts!

245
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,565
Wow! He's just
the kind of weirdo
Bart needs.

246
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,405
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,
your boy's gonna
need one thing.

247
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:40,846
(READING)

248
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,208
Don't you mean
"tough love"?

249
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,281
Tough love.

250
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,721
Of course!
This has never
made sense!

251
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,882
The sign shop guy lied.

252
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:53,682
Stanley, you didn't
question the word "luck"?
Now look what we got!

253
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,321
Thanks for the correction.
That's part of the honesty.

254
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,880
Son, I just want
to leave you with
a piece of advice.

255
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,804
Become emotionally dead.
Leave your body.

256
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,609
Make lots of friends!

257
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,331
(CLAN KING)

258
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,890
Wake up, fatties!
Stop dreaming
about butter!

259
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,566
Dreamed calories
are real calories!

260
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,203
All right, here's how
this exercise works.

261
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,850
You tow me
around the track.

262
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,361
As we gather speed,
I whip you gently,

263
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,442
you state your name
and tell me how
you got so heavy.

264
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:23,927
(SWISHING WHIP)
Kent Brockman,
Channel 6 News.

265
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,844
I gorge on kettle corn
during the sports and weather.

266
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:31,005
We know. Your side fat's
starting to spill over
to Channel 5 and 7.

267
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,208
I hope you're getting
three paychecks.

268
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,521
Bart Simpson.
I'm just big-boned.

269
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:36,601
No such thing.

270
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,728
Growth spurt?
Doesn't exist.

271
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:39,961
This can't be legal!

272
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,525
It's legal enough!

273
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,360
MARGE: Jimminy Kimmel!

274
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,886
Look how much
they're charging
for Bart's treatment.

275
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,008
That freeloading fatso!

276
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,560
Marge, could you
cut back on
your makeup budget?

277
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,563
I already
use crayons
for lipstick

278
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,961
and fireplace
soot for eyeliner.

279
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:56,889
So that's where
my soot went!

280
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,727
(GROANS) This fat camp
can save Bart's life!

281
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,371
We have to find
a way to pay for it.

282
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,649
Homer, maybe you could
ask Mr. Burns for a raise.

283
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,644
Even better,
I'll ask him for
my job back.

284
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,250
I know how
we can raise money.

285
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,926
Youth? I hate them!
Secondly...

286
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,082
(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
How much is costed
for stay night of one?

287
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,128
How much is got,
Wolfgang Schmuck?

288
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,125
Let's see here.

289
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,570
I can offer you
$50 a week.

290
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:25,801
$50?

291
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,769
What about all the water
you guys will waste

292
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:31,845
with your bathing,
and showering,
and washing your clothes?

293
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,446
Yeah, we don't, uh...
It's not a problem.

294
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,600
All right, try this.

295
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:41,002
As you scoop your ice cream
into the trash,
tell it you hate it!

296
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,731
Talk to it! "You think
I look like what?"

297
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,168
What's the vanilla saying?
"No, I'm not that old!"

298
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,368
Come on, talk!
Let's hear you!

299
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,128
(GRUNTS)
Here's the scoop,

300
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,680
your haagen days are over.

301
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:59,084
I'm baskin' in your pain,
as I'm robbin' you of life.

302
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,690
(SLURPING)

303
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:07,881
TAB: Bart!

304
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,962
Son, I'm gonna
tell you a story

305
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,441
about a young man who
came here and failed.

306
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,171
Well, that is the story.
I shouldn't call
a sentence a story.

307
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,323
Anyway, it's you!
Look, I'm really,
really sorry.

308
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,368
Now let me get
that ice cream
off your shoe.

309
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,726
(SLURPING)

310
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,644
Young man,
there's something
I have to show you.

311
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,087
In one hour.
We have to drive there.

312
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,845
No talking on the way.
It'll hurt the drama.

313
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,570
Can I just...
Shh. Drama.

314
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,161
(GASPS)

315
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,208
German backpackers?

316
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,688
You see, son, every family
has to make extra income

317
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,240
when they send
a child like you
to a place like mine!

318
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,010
You're lucky
this is just
a youth hostel.

319
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,560
We had one family
who had to take
in dry-cleaning.

320
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,324
The chemicals
killed their dog!

321
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,084
Well, that's what
they told us
in the lawsuit.

322
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,010
I don't see a dog
living past 14 anyway,
do you?

323
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,040
(GROANS)

324
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,409
They can't see
or hear us, right?

325
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,609
We're not the Ghost
of Christmas Past,
Bart. They can see us.

326
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,160
If I were invisible,
you think I'd waste my time

327
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,288
with this
belt-shirt combination?

328
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,840
Excuse me.
We're looking for
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson.

329
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,490
I'm sorry to say
this is their son.

330
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,241
Oh! So he's
the strudel-sucking
globbenheimer

331
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,369
who has bankrupted them
with his expensive treatments.

332
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,044
"Strudel-sucking
globbenheimer."

333
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:25,281
You need to think
about that.

334
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,488
That's what
the human race
thinks of you.

335
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,281
(GASPS)

336
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,644
Problem number 35
with America,
no universal health care.

337
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,961
Number 36, no metric system.

338
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:40,204
What is this?
The time of Charlemagne?
Answer me! Answer me now!

339
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,645
Oh, my God.

340
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,485
Come on.
Lefslook
for your dad.

341
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,006
And if we have some time,
maybe we'll look for mine.

342
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,084
<i>Guten Abend,</i> my brave
Bavarian overlords.

343
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,083
The best wurst
in town.

344
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:59,085
Here is your tip, Baldylocks.
If you want it,
dance <i>und</i> sing.

345
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,327
Oh!

346
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:02,484
(SINGING IN GERMAN)

347
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,086
(ALL CHEERING)

348
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,207
More! More!

349
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,527
They want a second verse.
Hope he knows it.

350
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,650
(CONTINUES SINGING)
(ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING)

351
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,249
This is all my fault.

352
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,926
I'll never eat junk
food again. I swear!

353
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,407
Good for you.
That's what
I want to hear.

354
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,608
It's time to take action.
I'll meet you later, son.

355
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:44,089
I'm gonna get
the car washed and try
to meet somebody.

356
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:54,761
(STRAINING)

357
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,649
MACHINE: <i>Dude, you've changed.</i>

358
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,731
(GRUNTING)

359
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,771
<i>Yo, I'm gonna cap
a pop in your ass.</i>

360
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:16,401
Huh!

361
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,761
I'm ending your vending, dawg.

362
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,601
Bart, what are you
doing here?

363
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,121
I've learned my lesson.

364
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,885
Mr. Spangler showed me
the true cost of
my junk food addiction.

365
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,644
But you're still fat.

366
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:36,042
Not for long!
I'm saying goodbye
to Scammer and Z-Dog.

367
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:39,647
I've learned that even
made-up corporate shills
can lie to you.

368
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,883
Did you hear that,
Foxy the Fox Network Fox?

369
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,691
When I raged
against the machine,
money poured out.

370
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:46,761
Oh, boy!

371
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,128
Marge, I know
this is ill-gotten,
but can we use it to...

372
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,443
To give these Germans
<i>das Boot? Jawohl!</i>

373
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,087
Uh, please to have new
face cloth, schnell.

374
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,811
Time to take
out the Eurotrash!

375
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,609
(YELLS)
(ALL SCREAM)

376
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,203
Oh, no! Who will put up
with our nonsense now?

377
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,363
To Disneyland,
where we will heap
the scorn on Goofy!

378
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,244
(ALL CLAMORING)

379
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,681
Now everything's
perfect again.

380
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,922
Excuse me.
I think I left
my belt here.

381
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,001
No, you didn't.

382
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,481
Don't tell me I didn't.
That's my lucky belt!

383
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,884
Long story. Good one.

384
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,246
Folks, you have
three weeks left

385
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,164
on a nonrefundable
weight-loss treatment.

386
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,164
So if anybody else
in the family wants
to use it, use it now.

387
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,004
But who else needs
to lose weight?

388
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:37,165
Maggie? Grampa?
My seldom seen
half-brother, Herb?

389
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,442
Why is everyone
looking at me?

390
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,929
I am not too fat.
I'm alive, aren't I?

391
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,048
Mr. Simpson,
you're suffering
from PSI.

392
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,731
Poor self-esteem.

393
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:49,847
It's not "I"!

394
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,729
Every sign is wrong!

395
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,086
Oh, that's terrible.

396
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,045
We got a long drive ahead.

397
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,930
You want to pull
off at a motel?
We'll split a room.

398
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,525
Where will I sleep?

399
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,763
We can worry about that
when we're standing naked
before the bed.

400
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,491
My goodness!
No wonder you eat!

401
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,449
TAB: What are you eating now?
HOMER: Cheeseburger.

402
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,126
TAB: You're a catastrophe.
Let me have half of it.

403
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:11,201
HOMER: I don't wanna.

404
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,170
TAB: I just want the cheese.
I don't want the meat.
I do want the meat!

405
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,969
HOMER: Here's a corner.
TAB: Let me just bite it.

406
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,041
Don't rip it!

407
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:18,963
Let me have the whole thing!
You'll get some later!

408
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,201
HOMER: You're a selfish jerk!

409
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,282
TAB: I've smelled it.
It has to be eaten.

410
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,441
HOMER: But it's my burger!

411
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,363
TAB: I'm driving.
I'll kill us.

412
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,044
HOMER: (MOUTH FULL)
Fine. I'd rather die!

413
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,171
(SHUSHING)