1
00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:05,203
♪ <i>The Simpsons</i> ♪

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,124
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:10,561
D'oh!

4
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(EXCLAIMING)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

5
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,928
(WHISPERING)
Call the police.

6
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,291
(WHISPERING)
I need change for a dollar.

7
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:00,562
No change
without purchase.

8
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:03,724
What's the cheapest thing
you've got?

9
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,408
A 2-ounce bag
of chips, $5.99.

10
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:12,681
$5.99? What a rip-off!
Someone should shoot you.

11
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,724
Aw! I was hoping
we'd miss the 3:00 holdup.

12
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I don't know
what to do for
dinner now.

13
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Maybe we could
shop somewhere else.

14
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There's a farm stand
next door.

15
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(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

16
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Interesting.

17
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,691
It's like a corndog
without the dog.

18
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Put whatever you want
in this burlap sack.

19
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You may not.
That's my baby carrier!

20
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They so traumatized,
I'm taking 'em for
a walk in they's stroller.

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(CHILDREN YELL)

22
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(ALL COOING)

23
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Well, I think this family
should try more
vegetarian meals.

24
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We'd feel better
and live longer.

25
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Vegetables,
you've been promoted
from side dish to entree.

26
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,485
I don't miss meat at all!

27
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,568
This Portobello mushroom
eats like a steak.

28
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A rubbery,
fungus-like steak.

29
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(RUMBLING)

30
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Oh, Marge, I'm giving
birth to a food baby!

31
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(RUMBLING)
Oh!

32
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,685
I feel like something
crawled inside me
and took a crap.

33
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Bart, don't use
that word... (GASPS)

34
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Crap!

35
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(ALL GAGGING)

36
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(ALL SHIVERING)

37
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I brought you some
weak tea and dry toast.

38
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No fair.
Lisa didn't get sick.

39
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It's 'cause your bodies
are so used to processed food,

40
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it's a shock
when you eat vegetables
full of vitamins, minerals,

41
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and trace amounts
of bug feces.

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Uh...

43
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Hmm.

44
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I think it's staying down.

45
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It's staying down!

46
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It's not staying down!
Wait, yeah. It's staying down!

47
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,284
Oh, no! It's not!
Yes, it is.

48
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No, it's not! Yeah.

49
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,810
No! Yep! No! Yep! No!

50
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,041
Yep, no, yep,
no, yep, no.

51
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Stop it!

52
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You'll all feel better
if you get a little sleep.
Now, close your eyes.

53
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(SIGHS)

54
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(MOANS)

55
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Where's my bucket? Oh.

56
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♪ <i>Hush, little baby
don't say a word</i>

57
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♪ <i>Mama's gonna
buy you a mockingbird</i>

58
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♪ <i>And if that
mockingbird don't sing</i>

59
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(HUMMING)

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♪ <i>And if that
diamond ring turns brass</i>

61
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♪ <i>Mama's gonna buy
you a looking glass</i> ♪

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HOMER: Lisa sings so sweetly.
And Bart is my pillow.

63
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,808
Everyone's good for something.

64
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:57,721
(YAWNING)

65
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,924
Looks like you
guys are on the mend.

66
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,963
Yeah, 'cause we're through
with vegetables.

67
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,289
From now on,
I'm only eating food
that I know had a soul.

68
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,280
KRUSTY: (ON TV)
<i>Hey, hey, kids!</i>

69
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,125
<i>Do you have what it takes
to be a singing sensation?</i>

70
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<i>A dynamite voice?
Ruthless, pushy parents?</i>

71
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<i>A void in your self-esteem
that can only be
filled by applause?</i>

72
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<i>Oh, God. I know that void.</i>

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<i>Then you were born to enter</i>

74
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Krusty's Li'l Starmaker
Singing Competition!

75
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,291
ANNOUNCER: <i>Not affiliated
with American Idol.</i>

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<i>We've never even
heard of "American Idol."</i>

77
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The winner will be animated
into an "Itchy &
Scratchy" cartoon.

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<i>So, enter today,
especially if you're
a funny-looking kid</i>

79
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<i>who doesn't know he sucks!</i>

80
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I'm a comin', Krusty!

81
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Lisa, you should
enter that contest.
You've got a great voice!

82
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It made us
all feel better.

83
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Thanks, Bart.
That's really sweet.

84
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(SIGHS) I think I puked up
all of my meanness.

85
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:55,721
Ow!

86
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Praise the Lord!
I'm on the road to recovery!

87
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,563
I hope we didn't
camp out here
for nothing.

88
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,081
It's like every kid
in Springfield showed up.

89
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,569
Don't worry about
the competition, sweetie.

90
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:19,646
Whenever I enter a contest,
I tell myself
I'm going to win.

91
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,845
Because sometimes,
if you believe hard enough,

92
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God cuts you a break.

93
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After all, he works for us.
Our prayers pay his salary.

94
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And if I win, I'll be
on <i>Itchy & Scratchy.</i>

95
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,000
Ha ha! <i>En garde!</i>
Parry! Thrust!

96
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,121
Nicely done,
Wind Dancer.

97
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,969
(LAUGHS)

98
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:47,201
But seriously,
cruelty to animals
is no laughing matter.

99
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,884
You can make
a difference.

100
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,883
Spay and neuter your pets!

101
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,607
And remember!
Save the violence
for cartoons!

102
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(BOTH SCREAMING)

103
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For details,
log onto peta.org.

104
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(MOANS)

105
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(LAUGHS)

106
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(GASPS)

107
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,121
All right, kids.
Let's do this quick.

108
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After this,
I gotta record 27 seasons
of DVD commentaries.

109
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And I remember nothing!

110
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Today,
we'll pick the lucky children

111
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,450
who will get to
compete on the air.

112
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I was going to be
your celebrity judge.

113
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But then I realized,
I'd have to pay attention.

114
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So, instead, we'll use
the Applause-O-Meter.
Huh? Huh?

115
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,011
Now, let's get this over with!

116
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(GUFFAWING)

117
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(SIGHS)

118
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♪ <i>A, B, C, D, E, F, G</i>

119
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♪ <i>How I wonder what you are</i> ♪

120
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<i>Thank you.</i>

121
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I can't believe
I used to date him.

122
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Lise, you're a shoo-in.

123
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♪ <i>Hush little baby
don't say a word</i>

124
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♪ <i>Mama's gonna buy
you a mocking bird</i>

125
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♪ <i>That's gonna sing</i>

126
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,926
♪ <i>Yes it is, y'all</i>

127
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,047
(ALL CHEERING)

128
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♪ And if that mocking bird
don't sing

129
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♪ Mama's gonna
buy you a diamond ring

130
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♪ That's gonna shine, shine

131
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♪ Oh, it shines so bright I

132
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(ALL CHEER)

133
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,244
Lisa, that sounds
like a fancier version

134
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,448
of the song
you're going to sing.

135
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:44,248
And she's giving us
the emotional experience
of a lifetime.

136
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(SOBBING)

137
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,882
Thank you for
this angel, Lord.

138
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:55,286
♪ <i>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, no</i> ♪

139
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:56,721
(ALL CHEER)

140
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,882
This contest is moot!

141
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,487
A li'l star has been made!

142
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,850
When she sings a C, it's a C!

143
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,651
Unlike a certain glee club
I've wasted my life on!

144
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:18,846
Well, I may not know much,

145
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,647
but I do know talent
when my producers
point it out to me.

146
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,611
We have our first contestant!
Clarissa Wellington!
(ALL CHEER)

147
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,365
Oh, there's no way
I'm gonna beat her.

148
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,601
Why? Just because
she sings

149
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,091
like Whitney Houston
brought to life?

150
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:35,608
(SIGHS)
Don't lose hope,
sweetie.

151
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,161
I'm gonna write
you a song so great,
you can't lose.

152
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,608
And that's not
just the beer talking.
Your father's in here, too.

153
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,970
(PLAYING PIANO)

154
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:52,131
♪ <i>When a man
loves a woman</i> ♪

155
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,924
Which one are you?
The man or the woman?

156
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,288
Questioning the kid's
sexuality? Well done. Ha!
Ha!

157
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,445
(FEEDBACK)

158
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,124
Here you go, honey!
Sing this.

159
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,884
How did you write
a song so quickly?

160
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:08,008
Much of the tune
is plagiarized.
Now, go, go, go!

161
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:17,369
♪ <i>I've been to
Paris and London
And Tokyo town</i>

162
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:23,800
♪ <i>But one crazy burg
Has 'em all beat hands down</i>

163
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,087
Jacksonville?

164
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,767
♪ <i>I'm talkin' Springfield
You can buy chimichangas</i>

165
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,487
♪ <i>Talkin' Springfield
The chicks have big gazongas</i>

166
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,361
♪ <i>There's tires on fire
A guy named Apu</i>

167
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,801
♪ <i>And Skinner, and Grampa
and old Disco Stu</i>

168
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,202
<i>Did I forget to mention you?</i>

169
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:44,645
You? That's me!

170
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,445
♪ <i>I'm talkin' Springfield</i>

171
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:52,367
♪ <i>Where nobody sucks</i>

172
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,003
♪ <i>Except for Flanders</i> ♪

173
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,571
(ALL CHEERING)

174
00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,001
(BEEPING)

175
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,521
(SCREAMS)

176
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,086
I get it!
I get it! She's good!

177
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:05,566
Looks like they love ya, kid.

178
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,200
And the audience
is always right.

179
00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,647
I wish I could say the same
about my stockbroker.

180
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,051
(GUFFAWS)

181
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:19,205
Ah, what do you jerks know?
That's a quality joke.

182
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,046
You did it, sweetie!

183
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,963
No! We did it, Dad!

184
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,008
<i>She's right. It was all me.</i>

185
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:30,121
I really do like
working with you, Dad.
Will you keep helping me?

186
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,690
Of course, sweetie.

187
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,968
You and I
are gonna write
and sing our way

188
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,044
out of this
godforsaken hellhole.

189
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,846
But your song said
you liked Springfield.

190
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,685
I wrote it about Shelbyville,
then changed the names.

191
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:48,601
♪ <i>La, la, la
la, la, la, la, la</i> ♪

192
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,320
Good job, sweetie!

193
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,722
Every time you hit
that note, I'll shoot
a glass with my BB gun.

194
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,810
I really appreciate you taking
such an interest in me, Dad.

195
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,844
Honey, our time together
is precious to me.

196
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,445
I didn't want
to say anything

197
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,126
but I don't think
I'm gonna be
around much longer.

198
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,805
Really? What's wrong?

199
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:11,806
Well, Moe's getting
a big screen TV in February.

200
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:13,769
Just in time for the Pro Bowl.

201
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,923
Maybe this time
my beloved blue shirts
will win.

202
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,562
Is it possible
to get a green spotlight?

203
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,404
MAN: <i>Sorry, sweetie.
We don't have green.</i>

204
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,403
Let Daddy
go talk to the man.

205
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,091
(HUMMING)

206
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,404
May I have
a word with you?

207
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:36,925
(DOOR CLOSES)
(MAN GROANS)

208
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,010
Is that green
enough for you, sweetie?

209
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,687
Because I can make it greener.

210
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,250
No, it's fine.

211
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:52,685
♪ <i>Alas, my love
you do me wrong</i>

212
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:57,961
♪ <i>To cast me off
discourteously</i> ♪

213
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,731
(SCREAMING)

214
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,369
That's Cameron.
Girls go crazy
over him.

215
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,930
He's cute,
unthreatening,

216
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,082
And his smile
brought a puppy
back to lfie.

217
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:10,851
(SCREAMING)

218
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,002
Don't worry, honey.
The song I wrote you
is so schmaltzy,

219
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,289
it'll make <i>Moon River</i>
sound like
a farting orangutan!

220
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:24,769
♪ <i>My kitty died
on Christmas Eve</i>

221
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:30,322
♪ <i>Daddy told me to be brave</i>

222
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,048
♪ <i>But instead
of singing carols</i>

223
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:40,047
♪ <i>I was digging
Snowball's grave</i> ♪

224
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,846
(SOBBING)
ALL: Oh!

225
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:47,011
Oh, God.
I miss Lisa's cat
so much.

226
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,884
All right, you know
how it works.

227
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,928
Every week
we eliminate
one contestant

228
00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,850
based on the votes
cast by you, the audience.

229
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,201
ANNOUNCER'. <i>Disclaimer.
All ballots were lost
and vote totals made up.</i>

230
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,601
The first contestant
eliminated is

231
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,284
Katie Anderson!

232
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,691
(SOBS)

233
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:04,641
(LAUGHS)

234
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,641
Katie, you were
the first victim of
the Buzz Cola trap door.

235
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,167
Fall into the flavor hole!

236
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,521
And the next contestant
to be eliminated

237
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,681
is Clarissa!

238
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,280
(SOBS)

239
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,524
Yeah, it's you, honey.
Please don't cry.

240
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,126
(WHISPERS)
Keep crying.
It's dynamite.

241
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:37,806
(INHALING DEEPLY)

242
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,322
Sweetie, tonight
you were perfect!

243
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,888
Marge, Lisa and I
were just discussing

244
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,485
how to improve
tonight's performance.

245
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,291
Now, you're confusing her
by telling her
she was perfect.

246
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,684
Mr. Simpson,
I brought those Twizzlers
you asked for.

247
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,724
My little girl likes
Red Vines! You little...

248
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,490
(SCREAMING)

249
00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,568
Mr. Simpson, please stop!

250
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,569
You think
I can't kill you?

251
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,803
There's a hundred
little punks graduating
from Syracuse this year

252
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,770
that would beg
to kiss my ass!
Get outta here!

253
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,002
(WHIMPERING)
He's crazy!

254
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,084
Hey, these are Red Vines!

255
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,087
There you go, sweetie.
Daddy got you your candy.

256
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,361
Homie, I'm worried
you're turning into

257
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,410
some kind of super
cuckoo stage mother.

258
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,450
Yeah. For once,
couldn't you just turn
into a good father?

259
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,249
Would that be
so hard?

260
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,526
Hey, give me a break.

261
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,410
Living through Lisa
is the healthiest thing

262
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,811
that ever
happened to me.

263
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,407
But, Dad, you don't need
to help me by
humiliating people!

264
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:37,726
(SCOFFS)

265
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,804
You love sausage,
but you hate
to see it getting made.

266
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,485
I don't love sausage!

267
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,130
Then would you like
to see it getting made?

268
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,451
Dad, you're fired!

269
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,809
Fired? Me?

270
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,847
Everything I did,
I did for you!

271
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,805
(DOOR SLAMS)

272
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,881
Dad, I'm sorry you're hurt,
but you left me no choice.

273
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,525
You were obnoxious
at a level

274
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,927
not even permitted
in show business!

275
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,923
Do you know
the hours I worked?

276
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,411
The people
I had to yell at?

277
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,648
The tires
I had to slash?

278
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,485
No one asked you
to yell and slash!

279
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,204
It's called "schmoozing!"
(TIRES SCREECHING)

280
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,402
Bart, you want to go
to the video arcade?

281
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,323
Hell, I'll even go
shoe shopping.

282
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,760
Hey! Come back!

283
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,882
I'm calming down!

284
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,887
We'll have
family fun!
Family fun!

285
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,129
(TIRES SCREECHING)

286
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,961
Hey, everybody,
I brought a guest.

287
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,728
Someone who appreciates
my in-your-face
management style.

288
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:57,965
Ha! Smart move!

289
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,249
Soon the whole world
will be lining up
to suck my nose

290
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,529
after I make
my new client a star.

291
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:09,049
♪ <i>Hey, Simpson family</i> ♪

292
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,129
How can I touch
your hearts tonight?

293
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,851
(GROANS) You're working
with Cameron now?

294
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,965
His name isn't
Cameron anymore.
He's now Johnny Rainbow.

295
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,491
Mr. Simpson,
about that...

296
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,609
I'm not Mr. Simpson!
That ship has sailed.

297
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,444
I'm Colonel Cool!

298
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,763
And I'm the captain
on this rocket to the stars!

299
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,485
So, are you
a colonel or a captain?

300
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:30,561
Neither, I'm both.

301
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,251
All right,
I'm gonna teach you
a little something

302
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,402
about jazz hands.
(SCATTING)

303
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,880
Now, don't stop
until it's as natural
as breathing.

304
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,844
Dad looks so happy.

305
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,764
Actually, I think
your father's
still upset

306
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,241
about the way
things went down.

307
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:55,006
Marge, Bart, Maggie,
Santa's Little Helper...

308
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,247
(SOBBING)
Lisa.

309
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,961
Dad, I don't want things
to be awful between us.

310
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,923
I made you some cookies.

311
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,006
I don't think
cookies are gonna
make me feel better.

312
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,004
Oh! Oh, God! Oh! Mmm.

313
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,361
They're delicious!
Mmm. Oh.

314
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:16,610
So happy!
Oh, God, they're...

315
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,165
They're gone.

316
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,126
(SIGHS)

317
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,121
Hi. This lighting's
a little bright.

318
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,568
And could I get
a red wash
in the background?

319
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,847
<i>Sorry, hon. This is
all we got. Who's next?</i>

320
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:30,887
We are.

321
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,681
Okay, Morty, give me
a rose-colored spot,
tight to the mid-chest,

322
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:38,242
And an aqua background
with an astronaut
on a surfboard.

323
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,606
<i>Sure. Sure thing, Mr. S.</i>

324
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,290
Lisa. Um...

325
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:51,290
At the end of your song,
remember to look
into the spotlight.

326
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:52,725
It makes your eyes twinkle.

327
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,166
Aw.

328
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,646
Thanks, Dad.

329
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,684
You're welcome.

330
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,001
This is our final night.

331
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,084
Thirty contestants
have already fallen

332
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,322
Through our Buzz
Cola trap door.

333
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,604
(CHILDREN MOANING)

334
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,444
BOY: Let us out!

335
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,763
Hey, you're supposed
to clean this out
every night!

336
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,365
What do you mean,
"Talk to your shop
steward"? Bah!

337
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,682
Now, let's welcome
the first of
our two finalists,

338
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,046
Lisa Simpson.

339
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,250
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have a confession to make.

340
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:33,966
I didn't have
my usual songwriter tonight.

341
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,005
So, I took a stab
at writing my
own song.

342
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,641
Something that expresses
what's really in my heart.

343
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,722
Bernie, if you please?

344
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,047
♪ <i>I'm in the final two</i>

345
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,600
♪ <i>I should be happy</i>

346
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,966
♪ <i>But all I want to do</i>

347
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,168
♪ <i>ls spend more time</i>

348
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,925
♪ <i>With my pappy</i>

349
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,640
♪ <i>Now that you're gone, Dad</i>

350
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,041
♪ <i>I miss you so much</i>

351
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:07,884
♪ <i>And your threats
against teamsters
and techies, and such</i>

352
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:13,081
♪ <i>Your management style
is like Attila the Hun</i>

353
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:19,249
♪ <i>You were vicious, malicious
but you got the job done</i>

354
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,685
♪ <i>I'm sorry I hurt you</i>

355
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,611
♪ <i>But please don't be sad</i>

356
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,731
♪ <i>You're no longer my coach</i>

357
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:34,404
♪ <i>But you're always my dad</i> ♪

358
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,251
(ALL CHEER)

359
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:42,847
(SOBS)

360
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,764
Even the Applause-O-Meter
is crying.

361
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,531
Oh, God!
That's battery acid!
(SCREAMS)

362
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,689
Dad, you know,
the best part about
this whole thing

363
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,649
has been the time
we've spent together.

364
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,601
I don't care if I win
just as long as
you're in my corner again.

365
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,484
I always was, honey.

366
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,803
Look! Cameron's about
to sing the song
I wrote for him!

367
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:09,965
He's about to learn
the most important lesson
in the music business.

368
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,850
Don't trust people
in the music business.

369
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:17,124
♪ <i>I'm a privileged boy
It's great, I gotta tell ya</i>

370
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,051
♪ <i>Privileged boy
My dad can buy and sell ya</i>

371
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,851
♪ <i>It really doesn't matter
that you're on the list
in front of me</i>

372
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,685
♪ <i>I'm gonna get your table
'cause I always
tip the maitre d'</i>

373
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,844
♪ <i>And then I'll go to Yale
because I am a legacy</i>

374
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,328
♪ <i>I'm better than you</i> ♪

375
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:32,726
(AUDIENCE BOOING)

376
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,163
You suck, Johnny Rainbow!

377
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,288
I believed in you!

378
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:40,846
(GROANS)

379
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,244
No!
(SOBBING)

380
00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,641
You sabotaged
Cameron for me.

381
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:46,721
Sure did.

382
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:51,090
I'd do anything
for you, honey.
Especially if it's easy.

383
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,807
Well, I think
you're the sweetest dad
in the whole world.

384
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,442
I'll always be there.

385
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,887
Not even death will stop me.

386
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,450
Now, you're getting creepy.

387
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,443
How about,
I love you, honey?

388
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:06,521
Good.

389
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,050
(SCATTING)

390
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:54,241
(SHUSHING)