1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,924
(SINGING) The Simpsons
2
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,591
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
Ripped By mstoll
3
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,410
(HORN BELLOWING)
4
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,451
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)
5
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:47,727
(TIRES SCREECHING)
6
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,087
(HONKING)
7
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:01,801
(TIRES SCREECHING)
8
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,207
D'oh!
9
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:06,247
(EXCLAIMING)
10
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,481
(TIRES SCREECHING)
11
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,371
(BONANZA THEME PLAYING)
12
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(NEIGHS)
13
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(WHISTLING)
14
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Well, well, Bart Simpson
in trouble again.
15
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School hasn't
even started yet.
16
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What can I say?
I missed you, Myra.
17
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:38,767
How's things
with you and Frank?
18
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:39,921
That bum.
19
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,606
He says his divorce
will be final next week.
20
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,569
So why is
she pregnant again?
21
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,722
Ouch! You hang in
there, beautiful.
22
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,526
So where's the Skin-man?
23
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,967
He's out admiring
his "new" car.
24
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,486
SEYMOUR: Ah, 1995.
25
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,883
A fine year for Camrys.
26
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,009
No one would ever guess you
spent three months in a lake.
27
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,486
(BART GASPS)
28
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,091
Ay, caramba!
29
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,127
Thank you, Satan.
30
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,605
Just think, Milhouse.
From now on,
31
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we'll always be "those kids who
got into the steam tunnels."
32
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(CLANKING)
33
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(GRUNTING)
34
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(STEAM HISSING)
35
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,680
I gotta warn ya,
we could get in trouble.
36
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,240
I don't mind. Trouble's
a form of attention.
37
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,560
(CREAKING)
38
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,768
MOE: Gentlemen, the moment
has finally arrived.
39
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I'm renting a party bus and taking
all you regulars to Las Vegas.
40
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,283
Nevada?
That's right.
41
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:47,771
(ALL CHEERING)
42
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,251
Moe, why are you
being so generous?
43
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,971
You're usually so stingy
and rat-like.
44
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,361
Yeah, well, you remember that
time I tried to hang myself
45
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and the rope broke?
46
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,370
Well, I sued the rope company
and I got a huge settlement!
47
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And a new rope!
48
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ALL: Wow.
Hey, nice rope.
49
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,163
You could hang a cow
with that thing.
50
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,085
These steam tunnels
are awesome!
51
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,527
It's like we're in the
school's lymphatic system
52
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,409
and we're the lymph!
53
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,964
Oh, my God!
54
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:16,088
My dad had a long talk
with me about this.
55
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,811
But you can't believe it
till you see it!
56
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,644
The cafeteria
loading dock!
57
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,205
Look, we're having
pizza tomorrow!
58
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,044
I'm gonna eat
a lighter breakfast.
59
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:25,685
(BOTH LAUGHING)
60
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,442
Well, we made it
to the valve room.
61
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,722
Now we can leave
without touching a valve.
62
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,484
What a tale that'll be!
63
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,848
Hey, we can't leave here without
turning one little valve.
64
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,127
Yeah. It'd be like
going to Amsterdam
65
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,931
and not taking a walking
tour of famous doors.
66
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,206
(STEAM HISSING)
67
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:55,881
(STEAM HISSING)
68
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,642
Hmm. That's odd. We only turn
the heat on for Parents Night.
69
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,330
What the F-minus?
70
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,161
(STEAM HISSING)
71
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,761
Steam!
72
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,564
Grover Cleveland's second term
was, if anything, more uneventful.
73
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:16,966
(STEAM HISSING)
(GASPS)
74
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:18,927
(SCREAMS)
75
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,287
Look! A new kid! Get him!
(GROANING)
76
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,330
(STEAM HISSING)
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00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,811
(CROAKING)
78
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,088
(ALL SCREAMING)
79
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,610
(BAND PLAYING)
80
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:36,926
(STEAM HISSING)
81
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,242
Our instruments are rusting!
82
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,721
We're going a cappella,
people!
83
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,725
(SCATTING)
84
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,010
I've got two kinds
of wet in my pants!
85
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,491
(HUMMING)
86
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,524
Oh, it's so hot.
I need a drink.
87
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,170
(STEAM HISSES)
(SCREAMS)
88
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,561
No water fountain
outwits Willie!
89
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,446
(SCREAMS)
90
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,090
Maybe I'll just have a soda.
91
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,730
(HUMMING)
92
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,366
(SCREAMING)
93
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,922
Mmm, this wood is more buckled
than a pilgrim's hat.
94
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,002
But who's responsible?
95
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:30,811
(BOTH LAUGHING)
96
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,008
(GRUNTS)
Don't bother struggling.
97
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,764
I've got your scruff!
98
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:38,491
Can I cut a deal?
I'll give you Milhouse.
99
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,801
I don't want Milhouse.
100
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,770
Sounds like my parents'
custody hearing.
101
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,043
Myra, can you help
me out here?
102
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,845
Forget it. This used
to be a croissandwich.
103
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,571
Now it's a ham
and cheese car crash.
104
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,051
Yes, thank you, Myra.
105
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,726
To highlight the seriousness
of Bart's offense,
106
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,486
Superintendent Chalmers will
be joining us by video uplink.
107
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:05,131
And joining me
by video uplink,
108
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,009
State Comptroller Atkins.
109
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:08,366
Can we move this along?
110
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,364
I 'm attending an important
conference here in Scottsdale.
111
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:15,684
You're in Scottsdale? I'm in Scottsdale!
At the Hyatt! Room 381!
112
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,161
Get outta here!
I'm in 502.
113
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,527
Hey, do you guys have any
ice buckets down there?
114
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,967
No. We've been
using shower caps.
115
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:24,326
Skinner!
116
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:26,329
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
117
00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,246
You made that TV show
really mad.
118
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,130
Yes, but you won't think it's so
funny when we send Bart here!
119
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,403
"Upward Bound,
the toughest behavioral
120
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,290
"modification camp
in Northwest Oregon."
121
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,125
It's the only place cruel
enough to straighten Bart out.
122
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,406
They use a proven concept.
123
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,563
Tough hate to turn around
foul-mouthed hooligans.
124
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,690
Then they send them home
quietly ticking away.
125
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,411
Mmm.
This camp's got it all.
126
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,403
Climbing some
kind of rope thing,
127
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,768
wearing a backpack,
high five-ing the black kid!
128
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,081
It's the perfect thing
to straighten you out!
129
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,400
(GROANS)
130
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:03,920
Got it!
131
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,240
(REWINDS TAPE)
(BART GROANS)
132
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,762
Now I have a ring tone for
my brand new cell phone.
133
00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,604
No wires at all.
134
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,762
Except this one.
135
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,286
Hey, check it out!
I made it partially risqué!
136
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,361
(BOTH LAUGHING)
137
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:28,527
Hey, guys. I have to put the boy
on a plane to soul-crushing camp.
138
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,090
Then I'll be back
to go to Vegas.
139
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:31,605
Dad, if you take
me to Vegas,
140
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,290
I'll teach you how
to cheat at blackjack.
141
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,966
Boy, you don't need to cheat
when you got a system.
142
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,007
What's your system?
143
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,129
I don't tell your mother
how much I've lost.
144
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,128
One child to Portland!
(CHUCKLES)
145
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,886
He's your problem now!
146
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,361
It seems he was
our problem before.
147
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,249
(BEEPING)
148
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,129
Your son is on
the "no fly" list.
149
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,806
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Why,
there must be some mistake.
150
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:01,885
There's no mistake. It seems the
last time he flew unescorted...
151
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:03,601
PILOT: (ON PA)
Welcome to Atlanta.
152
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,763
Please keep your seatbelt fastened
until we have come to a complete stop.
153
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:07,927
(BEEPS)
154
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,766
Nobody tells Bart
Simpson what to do!
155
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,400
(BUZZING)
156
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,763
(STATIC)
PILOT: Thanks a lot, 33C!
157
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,162
Now we all have to go back to Minneapolis!
And I'm very tired!
158
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,366
ALL; Oh!
159
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,810
(TIRES SCREECHING)
160
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,805
Well, Homer, looks like I
can't go to discipline camp.
161
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,803
Which is too bad,
because I think
162
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,531
this was the thing that would
finally straighten me out.
163
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,841
Oh, yeah?
You're going to that camp
164
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,810
because I'm gonna
drive you there!
165
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,724
Oh, yeah, that'll be way
more fun than Vegas.
166
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,525
(YELLING)
167
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,163
Oh, dang.
Homer ain't coming.
168
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,090
(NELSON LAUGHS) And Nelson
saw something funny.
169
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,130
(TIRES SCREECH)
(HORN HONKS)
170
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,525
Stupid Bart makes me
drive to Oregon.
171
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:09,161
Home of unspoiled forest,
birthplace of Matt Greening.
172
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,844
Dad, neither of us
want to go.
173
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,206
Why are you doing this?
174
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,846
Where's the old carefree Homer
who likes to cut loose?
175
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,001
You mean Fun Homer?
176
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,731
I'm afraid Serious Homer
has him locked up
177
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,087
till you're at your
snooty torture camp.
178
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,084
Fight back, Fun Homer!
Together we can win!
179
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,730
It's no use.
180
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:30,726
Oh, come on, Serious
Homer, let me out!
181
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,208
We'll get a monkey drunk
and push him down the stairs!
182
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,371
(GRUNTS) I'll kill you the way
I killed Intellectual Homer!
183
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:43,930
(MARGE HUMMING)
184
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,205
While the boys are gone,
185
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,487
we'll sell all their
useless junk
186
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,609
and replace it with
knickknacks and curios!
187
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,331
I already made up
a yard sale sign.
188
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,849
You know your father saved every
book report he ever wrote?
189
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,241
And every one
was Stuart Little.
190
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,204
Mmm... Mmm...
191
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:07,406
Not to mention this PowerPoint
demonstration he did just last week.
192
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,250
Ooh... Mmm...
193
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,806
(GASPS)
194
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,964
My Malibu Stacy heads!
(SOBBING)
195
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,201
Oh, no.
196
00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,328
Bart blamed this
on the dog.
197
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:23,846
I didn't pet him
for weeks.
198
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,007
(SOBBING)
199
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,362
Oh, I'm sorry I doubted you, boy.
(BARKS)
200
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,645
Eh.
Come on, Dad.
201
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,926
We got a long way to go.
202
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,804
You can't stay mad
at me the whole time.
203
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,406
Boy, if you were half as
smart as you think you are,
204
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:40,686
you'd clean up your act.
205
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,331
Well, maybe pulling pranks
is the only thing I'm good at.
206
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,607
At least you have
something you're good at.
207
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,490
I'm 38 years old,
driving a crappy car,
208
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,449
with a son
who doesn't respect me!
209
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:54,241
And I'm one Snickers pie away
from losing my foot to diabetes!
210
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,481
Mmm...
211
00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:58,040
Snickers pie...
212
00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,326
(DROOLING)
213
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,371
(TIRES SCREECHING)
214
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,360
(BELL DINGS)
215
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,006
So, I see you're also
traveling with your son.
216
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,809
What boy prison
are you taking him to?
217
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,929
Actually, Justin and I are going to
the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.
218
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,843
Sir Peter Hall himself
is directing.
219
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,924
See, Bart? I told you
things could be worse.
220
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,844
I'm getting a sweatshirt
with Shakespeare's face on it!
221
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,649
Well, we better get back
to the Prius, son.
222
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,366
Ah, don't forget the menu
for our scrapbook.
223
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:29,601
(BELL DINGS)
224
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,531
(BOTH LAUGHING)
225
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,649
Did you see that? They were
eating melon for breakfast.
226
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:38,960
(BOTH LAUGHING)
227
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,443
"Look at me.
I use a napkin."
228
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,211
(BOTH LAUGHING)
229
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,206
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
230
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,204
Well, Dad, we may not
always get along,
231
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,362
but we'll never
be that lame.
232
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,482
I bet they're
from Massachusetts!
233
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:57,040
You know it's legal there
for a guy to marry his son?
234
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,326
(CHUCKLES)
235
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,803
(SIGHS) Well, I guess
it's tinkle time.
236
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,569
Ooh, don't forget to wash
your hands, Shakespeare!
237
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:07,846
(BOTH LAUGHING)
238
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,608
So, here for a snack before they
roll you back into the ocean?
239
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:15,401
Yeah. I'll have the smiley
face breakfast special.
240
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,608
Ah, but could you add
a bacon nose,
241
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,047
plus bacon hair,
bacon mustache,
242
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:23,164
five o'clock shadow made of
bacon bits, and a bacon body?
243
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,242
How about if I just shoved
a pig down your throat?
244
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,446
Uh-huh?
I'm kidding.
245
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,646
Fine!
246
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,722
But the bacon man
lives in a bacon house!
247
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,040
WAITRESS: No, he doesn't.
248
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,725
HOMER: Mmm...
249
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:39,642
You know who would really
like this place? Bart.
250
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,807
Wait a minute.
Where the hell is Bart?
251
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,120
(GRUNTS)
252
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,323
You little monster!
Huh?
253
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,048
Show your face
this minute! Mmm?
254
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,321
Mmm? Huh?
255
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:54,125
(CHUCKLES)
256
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,763
Bart, where are you?
257
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,447
Hmm...
258
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,922
Hey, Stavros, there's a guy in your
bathroom trying to dine and dash.
259
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,731
What? No one
dashie-dine on Stavros.
260
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:05,841
(CHUCKLES)
261
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,325
Why you little...
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
262
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,330
I'm stuck! Ow!
(THUD)
263
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,642
Someone's hitting my butt
with something!
264
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,085
Is frying pan!
265
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,127
Ow!
266
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,486
(GROANING)
267
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,726
Leave your ass, Homer.
Leave your ass.
268
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,806
Hmm, let me
get this straight.
269
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,042
I get all of
Bart's action figures,
270
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,242
Homer's treasured
"Mr. Plow"jacket,
271
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,924
and these Power
Rangers Underoos
272
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,163
which I am already
wearing for only $3.95.
273
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,241
That's right.
274
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:37,800
Give me five minutes alone with
your fridge and you have a deal.
275
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,922
(GRUNTS) Fine.
276
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,287
We've only brought in $5.
277
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,443
And that came from Mr. Flanders
buying back his own stuff.
278
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,000
(GASPS)
My LP of Dreamcoat?
279
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,323
(SINGING) How I love
my coat of many colors
280
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:54,961
It was red and yellow
And green and brown
281
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,044
And scarlet and black
And ocher and peach
282
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:01,522
And ruby and olive
and violet and...
283
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,004
...And lilac and gold
And chocolate and mauve
284
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,050
And cream and crimson
And silver and rose
285
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:13,324
And azure and lemon and
russet and gray and gold...
286
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,401
(FOOTSTEPS)
287
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,764
...And purple and white
And pink and orange
288
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:21,208
And red and yellow
And green and brown
289
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,851
Scarlet and black
And ocher and peach
290
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,891
My yard sale
is a failure.
291
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,930
I guess I'll have to give
everything to the Salvation Army.
292
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,729
We don't want it!
Oh...
293
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:35,964
Mmm, Dexonumb,
Somnodoze, Percolax!
294
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:37,883
Are these for sale?
I guess.
295
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,531
They're Homer's expired
pain medications.
296
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,250
Ooh, I'm in a lot of pain.
297
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:45,011
I'm breaking in
a new pair of flip-flops
298
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,482
and my thong notch
is on fire! How much?
299
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,245
Um, a dollar?
Per pill, right?
300
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:52,606
Uh, yeah.
301
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,091
I'll take a dozen of each.
302
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:58,404
Oh, wow! Drugs in a bottle!
I feel like Elvis Presley!
303
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,969
Whoa, this is so much safer than buying
my illegal drugs at the playground.
304
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,122
Bag or keister?
Surprise me.
305
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:08,961
Mmm.
306
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,362
Um, I'll take
all your estrogen.
307
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,211
That's a female replacement hormone.
Uh-huh.
308
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:18,251
It's for a friend, uh, who's trapped
in the body of another friend.
309
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,560
Oh...
310
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,008
So Lenny, how's it going in Vegas?
Pretty boring, I'll bet.
311
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,889
Yeah, kind of.
312
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,005
(SHOUTING EXCITEDLY)
313
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:34,961
(ALARM RINGING)
(LAUGHING)
314
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:39,364
Can't talk now, Homer. I'm
too satisfied in every way.
315
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:40,681
Oh...
316
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,526
Hmm?
317
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,207
(GASPS)
318
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,206
(LAUGHING)
319
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,761
I gotcha now, boy.
320
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,041
(SCREAMS)
321
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,485
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
322
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,605
(GASPS)
(BEEPING)
323
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:00,891
(SCREAMING)
324
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,724
Oh, I'm gonna
fall down. Oh!
325
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,650
Boy! Push down
on the bumper!
326
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,564
Then I can back the car up
and save myself!
327
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,884
Hmm. If I save you, what
are you gonna do to me?
328
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:19,765
Shower you with love
329
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:24,641
because this experience has taught
me just how precious you are.
330
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,965
I'll kill you!
I'll kill your whole family!
331
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,804
Kidding.
I'm kidding.
332
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:33,123
We can do that.
We have a special friendship.
333
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,330
I'm gonna double kill you!
334
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,482
Then I'm gonna bury you
in a shallow grave!
335
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,364
Then I'll dig you up
and kill you again!
336
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,603
That's the beauty
of a shallow grave!
337
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,808
You sweet little angel.
338
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,646
Oh, I'm gonna rip your head off!
And spit down your
339
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,405
adorable little neck
because I want to
340
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:53,926
smash your little
stupid head!
341
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,641
Oh, but I love you.
We'll go on a fishing trip.
342
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,530
But first, I'm gonna
put you on a sawmill!
343
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,841
Then punch your
little face out!
344
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,331
That's what I'm gonna do!
345
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,646
(HUMMING)
346
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,085
(DOORBELL RINGS)
347
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,888
I'm here for the (CLEARS
THROAT) yard sale.
348
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,325
But that was yesterday!
349
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,882
No. I mean the "yard sale."
350
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,405
What are you
talking about?
351
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:21,891
Can I buy some pills?
352
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:26,807
Well, maybe someone else can help
you but I am not a drug grocer!
353
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,042
(SIGHS) Oh!
(KNOCKING)
354
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,886
I'm out of drugs! See
how much money I made?
355
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,567
(GASPS)
356
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,361
Oh, Chief Wiggum. Uh, are you
still with the police department?
357
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,249
Save it, Ma Peddle.
358
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:43,720
Ma Peddle?
359
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,407
It's a reference to Ma Kettle, the
popular movie character from the '40s.
360
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,323
If you have to explain it,
it's not good, Chief.
361
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,084
HOMER: Well, boy,
you made the right choice.
362
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,926
I think this is the first step to a
new closer relationship between us.
363
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,527
Dad, I think you actually enjoy
seeing your own son suffer.
364
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,244
I don't enjoy it.
365
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,084
Being a father
is just a job.
366
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,924
Long hours, no pay.
367
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,846
And at the end, all you get is someone
yelling, “You screwed me up."
368
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,844
Well, maybe if you enjoyed me more,
I wouldn't be so screwed up.
369
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,527
Hey, I enjoy you plenty.
Talking time is over.
370
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:17,886
Mmm...
371
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:22,760
Don't worry,
Mr. Simpson.
372
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,366
We're gonna take his sass
and turn it into siss.
373
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,204
Thank you, Colonel.
I'm not a colonel.
374
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,931
This is a Boy Scout uniform
that I dolled up.
375
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,240
Come with me, son.
376
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,362
Now kiss your
childhood goodbye.
377
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,169
Whoo-hoo!
Vegas, here I come!
378
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,483
I miss you, Dad.
(GASPS)
379
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,246
Hey, Homer, you want
to eat my shorts?
380
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,566
(SHRIEKING)
381
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,726
(SCREAMS)
382
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,127
Don't gamble on
my love, Homer.
383
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,366
Oh.
384
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,884
Oh, I miss Bart. I can't leave
him in that awful camp.
385
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,363
I'm coming, boy!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
386
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,801
Oh, oh, great.
387
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:36,765
I'll get off here. Oh, no.
388
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,442
I bet this looks cool
from overhead though.
389
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,405
Oh, oh...
390
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,884
Whoo-hoo! Vegas, here I come!
Oh, right. Bart.
391
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,246
(TIRES SCREECHING)
392
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,765
(GRUNTING)
393
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,243
Nicely chopped, Simpson.
394
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,050
(GRUNTING)
395
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:58,926
Uh!
396
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,891
I've learned so much
in my three hours here.
397
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,167
I don't have to play
pranks to feel good.
398
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:08,484
I can just listen to the
gentle rhythms of nature.
399
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,125
(THUD)
HOMER: Stupid horse!
400
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:12,885
It's a "deer" crossing!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
401
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,928
Wipe the blood off the windshield
and get in the car, boy.
402
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,001
Dad?
Son,
403
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:20,051
I'm doing something I should've
done a long time ago.
404
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,804
Taking you to Vegas!
405
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,360
I'm gonna order a steak dinner
and eat it on the toilet!
406
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,044
And don't you try
to stop us!
407
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,208
Actually, we were gonna call you, Mr.
Simpson.
408
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,725
Your credit card
was declined.
409
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,928
Try this one!
410
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,244
MARGE: Homer,
I hope you get this.
411
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,449
I'm in jail and I need
$10,000 bail.
412
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:44,205
Hurry!
(BEEPS)
413
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,561
HOMER: Ah, Marge, me
and Bart got in a fight
414
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,331
with this really
uncool pit boss,
415
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,084
and now we're in
Nevada State Prison.
416
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,605
Also, I don't know
where Bart is.
417
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,330
If you see him, say hey!
(BEEPS)
418
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,126
(SIGHING)
419
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,089
Well, Maggie,
I always knew it would
420
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,640
someday boil down
to just you and me.
421
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:06,166
I'll look for work
in the morning.
Ripped By mstoll