1 00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,097 (SINGING) The Simpsons Ripped by jasonnguyen2606 2 00:00:06,465 --> 00:00:07,557 (TIRES SCREECHING) 3 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,344 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,428 (EXCLAIMING) 5 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:12,770 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 6 00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,208 Children, your gym teacher, Ms. Pommelhorst, 7 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,008 has a brief announcement. 8 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,711 This is very emotional for me. 9 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,546 I am taking a leave of absence. 10 00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:48,633 I will return in the fall as Mr. Pommelhorst, 11 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,012 your new shop teacher. 12 00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:53,722 We're telling you children now so you can adjust and not make jokes. 13 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:56,523 Looks like there'll be some new wood in shop class. 14 00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,147 Precisely the type of wordplay I seek to discourage. 15 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,310 (CHUCKLES) 16 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,566 "New wood." 17 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,524 Now please welcome your new gym teacher, Coach Krupt. 18 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,233 Today we're gonna play a game 19 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,410 that's as old as pain itself. 20 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:09,737 Bombardment. 21 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,369 I'm intrigued. What are the rules? 22 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:14,245 Duck or die! 23 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,913 (GROANS) 24 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,745 (CHILDREN GROANING) Bombardment! Deal with it! 25 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,797 Bombardment! Life's a bitch, son. 26 00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:23,546 Bombardment! Bombardment! Walk it off! 27 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:24,968 Bombardment! Bombardment! (GROANS) 28 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,340 No! (WHIMPERS) (GLASSES SHATTER) 29 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,673 I caught it! I'm safe! 30 00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,429 (GROANS) 31 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,097 Son, are you okay? 32 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,561 I guess. 33 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,183 Bombardment! (GROANS) 34 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,347 (MARGE HUMMING) 35 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,270 Hmm. 36 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:41,692 (GROANING) 37 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:46,691 Oh, sweetie, if someone's bullying you, you should tell your teacher. 38 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,775 But it's the teacher who's bullying me. 39 00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,363 Well, tell your regular bully. He won't like it one bit. 40 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,244 Marge, I ripped my pants. 41 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:57,543 The only pants that understand my complex hiney. 42 00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,838 That was your last pair! How did it happen? 43 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:03,541 Uh, normal wear and tear. 44 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,505 (GIGGLING) 45 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,549 Ow! My ass! 46 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,631 Sir, your go-cart's damaged! 47 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:13,763 I paid for 50 laps. And I'm gonna take them! 48 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:15,886 (TIRES SCREECH) 49 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,555 (YELPING) Ow... 50 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,811 Oh, I'll have to go to every store in the Pants District 51 00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,567 to find another pair like these. 52 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,569 Aw, Homie. 53 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,127 Kiss rubber, loser! (GROANS) 54 00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:51,050 Hey! You cry like a little girl, Amy! 55 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,972 Ahh! Oh, come on now! 56 00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,016 Those were just baby teeth! (SOBBING) 57 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:58,554 Oh, how much longer can this go on? 58 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:08,897 (GROANS) 59 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,991 I see you like reading. How do you like Bombardment? 60 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,703 Bombardment! Bombardment! (GROANS) 61 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,451 BART: "Bombardment! Bombardment! 62 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,782 "How do you like Bombardment?" 63 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,624 Well, I'll show him! 64 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,502 (GRUNTS) 65 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,626 (CHUCKLES MISCHIEVOUSLY) 66 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,921 Time for the bombarded to become the bombardier. 67 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,723 Why'd I put this in here? 68 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,017 My saxophone! 69 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,472 (HONKS) 70 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:39,932 Mmm! (STRUGGLES) 71 00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:42,188 Oh, yeah. That's why. 72 00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:45,393 You jerk! I'm telling Morn! (SAXOPHONE HONKING) 73 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,570 Van Houten! Here, sir. 74 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,865 But my doctor says no more Bombardment. 75 00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,485 Well, here's a second opinion. (GROANS) 76 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,700 Muntz! Do your worst! I'm drunk! 77 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,999 Well, welcome to AA. Always Attacking! 78 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,327 (GROANS) Simpson! 79 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,912 Simpson! 80 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,121 Here. 81 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,049 Bart's got an ice ball! 82 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,887 What is your major malfunction, Simpson? 83 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:17,466 You will defrost, drain, and surrender that ball! 84 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:20,769 And then I will use it to bombard you! Bombardment! 85 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,767 Kid power! 86 00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,185 (GRUNTS) (SHATTERS) 87 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:29,853 Hmm? (GASPS) 88 00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:31,526 (SCREAMS) 89 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,609 Me shack! It's ruined! 90 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,911 Ye red rubber home-wrecker! 91 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,531 (GROANS) 92 00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:43,576 (HAMMERING) 93 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:48,588 Listen. I'm real sorry I busted your shack. 94 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,131 Let me make it up to you. 95 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,301 I know a ravine where there's a rusted-out car. 96 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,969 Don't be tantalizing me with tales 97 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,798 of ravines and rusted-out cars. 98 00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,551 I'll only be getting me heart broke. (CAR HONKING) 99 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,808 That's my mom. I gotta go. I finished nailing this board. 100 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,810 Oh, yeah. You're outta nails. 101 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:07,690 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 102 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,736 (LIGHTNING CRASHING) 103 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,908 Poor Willie. 104 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,111 Would you like to spend the night with us? 105 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:23,916 I don't need your charity, not as long as I've got a pan over me head. 106 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,789 That's not a pan. That's a colander. 107 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,167 Oh, so that's where all my soup went. 108 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,210 Thanks for taking me in, Missus. 109 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,591 Please accept this in return. 110 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,639 It's my most prized possession. 111 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:44,060 It's a sculpture made of children's lost retainers. 112 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,059 Huh? Ooh... 113 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,852 It's lovely! 114 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:52,732 I like this part in here. The way it, um, goes. 115 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,906 (HUMMING) (GRINDING) 116 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,569 Willie, I hope I'm not being too personal. 117 00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:03,496 But you seem resigned to a life of abject squalor. 118 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,449 My family's used to it. 119 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:08,706 Me grandfather used to get sent down into the mines 120 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,538 to make sure it was safe for the canaries. 121 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,874 Don't you ever hope for anything better? 122 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:17,257 Something better? For Willie? 123 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:22,932 (SINGING) All I want is a place somewhere 124 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,887 And? That's it. 125 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,560 Maybe you could aim a little higher. 126 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,482 Well, let's see. 127 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:35,479 (SINGING) Oh, to have me shack rebuilt 128 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:39,825 Get my rotten teeth all drilled 129 00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,287 Something on underneath me kilt 130 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:46,740 Oh, wouldn't it be adequate 131 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:51,161 Matching shoes for both me feet 132 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,915 Dining on untainted meat 133 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,045 A toilet what still has its seat 134 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:02,381 Oh, wouldn't it be adequate 135 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:04,215 BOTH: Adequate 136 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,343 Adequate 137 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:12,562 Wouldn't it be adequate 138 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,186 Hmm? 139 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:19,323 You're right, Lisa. I do want to better me lot. 140 00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,195 To live like a normal... 141 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,068 Hey, that's great. Goodnight. 142 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,113 Bart, Willie could have a better life 143 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,540 if only someone showed him how. 144 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:32,961 I bet I could turn him into a proper gentleman, 145 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:36,711 and I will do it in time for the school science fair. 146 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,007 You're on, Lise. 147 00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:42,554 I think you'll find that deep down anyone can be civilized. 148 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,798 Goodnight, Willie. 149 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,098 Goodnight. (GRUNTS) 150 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,467 (SNORES) 151 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:48,976 Hmm. 152 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,399 Willie, in the next few weeks, 153 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,607 I'll be teaching you poise, pronunciation, and posture. 154 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:04,193 Let's see you stand up as straight as you can. 155 00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,903 Well, there's a first time for everything. 156 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,406 (GRUNTS) Argh! (BONE CRACKS) 157 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,958 Ugh! I'm too far off the ground! 158 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:15,333 Lisa, come up here and help me down! 159 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,413 (WHIMPERS) 160 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,129 So how am I doing? 161 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,380 (SIGHS) Oh. 162 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,761 (TIRES SCREECHING) 163 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,141 Mr. Simpson, I appreciate how much 164 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,468 you love our big blue trousers, 165 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:32,054 but I'm afraid we just don't make them anymore. 166 00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:35,687 Sales plummeted after our disastrous Super Bowl ad. 167 00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,267 MAN: Big blue pants. 168 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:40,570 When you no longer care if you're attractive to women. 169 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,778 (BABY ELEPHANT WALK PLAYING) 170 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,462 (GRUNTS) 171 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,336 (GROANS) 172 00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:04,549 Mr. Stern, would you make those glorious blue pants again 173 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,595 if I whipped up public interest for them? 174 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,014 Of course. But how? 175 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,558 Do an advertising campaign so fresh and exciting 176 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,351 I haven't even thought of it yet! 177 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,895 Well, what have I got to lose 178 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:17,440 besides the factory that's been in my family for generations? 179 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,607 How long is this commercial anyway? 180 00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,485 I don't know. I've never made it to the end. 181 00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,742 (HAMMERING) 182 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:31,117 Okay. How do you address an archbishop? 183 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,875 I'll kill ya! I'll kill ya for what you've done to me! 184 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:36,997 (SIGHS) 185 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:41,627 Lisa, you're a sweet lass. But it's hopeless. 186 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,879 Like my dad told me. 187 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,593 You'll never amount to anything! (BAGPIPES PLAYING) 188 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,011 You were born trash! 189 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,590 And you'll be lucky if you grow up to be garbage! 190 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,303 (BABY COOING) 191 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,181 Would you like to cut the cord? 192 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,512 Let him cut it himself. 193 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,893 It's time he learned life ain't one big party. 194 00:09:58,181 --> 00:10:01,856 (SOBS) That was the last time we really talked. 195 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,524 (SOBBING) 196 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,072 What the hell are they doing in there? 197 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,990 Lisa bet Bart she can turn Willie 198 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,739 into a proper gentleman. (SCOFFS) 199 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:14,198 That's as unlikely as Kearney going around the world in 80 days. 200 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,623 Eighty days? 201 00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,827 Ample time to circumnavigate the globe, booger breath. 202 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:21,038 You, sir, have a wager. 203 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,873 I shall hold the money. 204 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,004 To Istanbul! 205 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,756 Wrong way, dingus! 206 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,299 (MOANING AND KISSING) 207 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:34,888 Oh, yeah. 208 00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,261 (GIGGLES) 209 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,602 (GASPS) Homie? What's that? 210 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,766 Huh? On the back of your head. 211 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,069 It's called "headvertising." 212 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,899 It creates brand awareness without relying on traditional media. 213 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,325 Well, it creeps me out. (CLICKS) 214 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,697 Wow. 215 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,996 It glows in the dark. It's not supposed to. 216 00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,409 (SIGHS) 217 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,624 All right. Let's just try one more lesson. 218 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:02,955 Repeat after me. 219 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:06,291 "What flows from the nose does not go on the clothes." 220 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:10,592 "What flows from me nose..." 221 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:12,839 Oh. 222 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,469 It's no use! 223 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:18,850 I'm not very cultured. I don't even have a last name! 224 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,680 Care to concede that bet? 225 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,357 No. Come on, Willie. I believe in you! 226 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:26,936 Uh... 227 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,320 (IN POSH ACCENT) "What flows from the nose 228 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:34,028 "does not go on my clothes." 229 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,953 Say it again! 230 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,287 (SINGING) What flows from the nose 231 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,370 does not go on my clothes (MEOWS) 232 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,798 I think he's got it Oh, yes, he's got it 233 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,008 What flows from the nose 234 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,257 Does not go on my clothes 235 00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,305 (IN NORMAL ACCENT) Ahh! A talkin' mirror! 236 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,885 Where is that ghastly flow? 237 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,812 (IN POSH ACCENT) The nose The nose 238 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:05,267 (NASAL VOICE) And where should it not go? 239 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,194 Blue pants! Blue pants! 240 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,646 Dad, get your own song. 241 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,231 Fine. 242 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:15,069 (SINGING) I'm getting blue pants in the morning 243 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,654 Ding-dong, the zipper's gonna shine 244 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,748 Gee, Homer. if those blue pants mean that much to you, 245 00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,075 they must be the greatest. 246 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,535 I'm getting two pairs today. 247 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:24,744 I don't get this. 248 00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:28,081 This guy paints his noggin and you guys are ready to buy pants. 249 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,757 Meanwhile, I've been paying for that billboard 250 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,334 outside for a year now 251 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,839 and it's not yielded nothin'. 252 00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,763 (MOE'S VOICE) You don't have to look at me. 253 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,057 You don't have to look at me. 254 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:41,808 Well, he does have billboard money. 255 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,763 Talking billboard money. 256 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,014 Ahhh... 257 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,190 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 258 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:47,683 Ew! 259 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,357 But he might be right for my friend. 260 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:03,367 Behold, the first machine that accurately measures surprise! 261 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,701 Really? Huh. 262 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,786 (MACHINE BEEPING) 263 00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:11,375 (CLEARS THROAT) Ms. Lisa Simpson. Master Bart Simpson. 264 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,048 (WHISPERS) G.K. Willington, Esquire. 265 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:18,382 And Mr. G.K. Willington Esquire. 266 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,980 I have the strangest feeling I've met him before. 267 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,810 And you may meet him again as your new father! 268 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,987 Hubba-hubba, Mommy like! 269 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,111 If you ask me, 270 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,568 the Royal Shakespeare Company's latest 271 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,780 season was much ado about nothing. (ALL LAUGHING) 272 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,666 Ha! I get that reference. 273 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,995 And you can get me anytime you want, handsome. 274 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:51,752 I would be delighted to dine with you on the 12th. 275 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,054 You're a smash, G.K. 276 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:01,633 It feels so sublime. lfeel like I... 277 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,344 (SINGING) Could be indoors all night 278 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,814 Could use a fork and knife 279 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:13,396 And never soil my suit 280 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:16,732 I could be so polite 281 00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,988 Start not a single fight 282 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:25,575 And still not feel like a fruit 283 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:31,838 How very nice that There's no lice in my hair 284 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,123 And my toenails 285 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,552 Mmm... I don't bite 286 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:43,808 Now that I've reached the stage 287 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,887 Where I'm not full of rage 288 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,846 I could be indoors 289 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:55,483 Indoors all night 290 00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:00,483 (SEYMOUR CLEARS THROAT) 291 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,072 Ladies and gentlemen, 292 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:05,655 it's time to announce the winner of the science fair, 293 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,456 though I must note I'm surprised 294 00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,751 Lisa Simpson didn't enter a project this year. 295 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,249 That's where you're wrong, Principal Skinner. 296 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,875 I did enter a project. 297 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:17,050 And it's been in plain sight the entire evening. 298 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,760 (ALL GASPING) (MACHINE BEEPING) 299 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,806 Mr. G.K. Willington is not who he seems. 300 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,134 In fact, he's someone you all know quite well. 301 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,264 Is it me? 302 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,313 I give you Groundskeeper Willie! 303 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,014 (CROWD MURMURING) 304 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,776 Well, Mother, aren't you glad 305 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,650 you didn't get more intimate with him? 306 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,480 Who said I didn't? 307 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,120 Hmm. Maybe there's room on my sports wall. 308 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,125 (GIGGLES) 309 00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,834 Now you have a friend. 310 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,761 Good morning, Lisa. What's the lesson for today? 311 00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:06,341 How to smoke a pipe while summoning a falcon? 312 00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:09,394 Put the kettle on, Featherby. I'll be home soon. 313 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,516 (SCREECHING) 314 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,563 Willie, there are no more lessons. 315 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,891 You're a proper gentleman. My work is done. 316 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,227 But I don't know what to do with myself. 317 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,529 All I've ever been is a groundskeeper. 318 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,730 And that job's taken. 319 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,316 Skinner dumped it on the next lowest guy on the totem pole. 320 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,946 Oh, for goodness sakes! 321 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,620 How did I get up here? 322 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:31,453 I think this is the perfect job for new you, Willie. 323 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,660 It requires sophistication, tact, 324 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:37,122 and you get to meet the highest class of people. 325 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:40,208 Good evening, sir. I'm your maître d'. 326 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,169 Oh, that's the "D" for? Dimwit? (CHUCKLES) 327 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,175 Laugh. jerk! 328 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,255 (LAUGHS) 329 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,183 Eh, I don't need your charity titters. 330 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,683 Now say hello to my girlfriend, Charity Titters. 331 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,014 Right this way, ma'am. 332 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,315 (GASPS) Oh. Thank you. 333 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,894 No, not now! Not now! Wait till we get to the booth. 334 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:05,779 (MOANING AND KISSING) 335 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:09,616 Mmm. (CHUCKLES) 336 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:13,325 I'm so glad you washed that stupid logo off your head. 337 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:17,162 Well, it did itsjob. Everyone's wearing blue pants now. 338 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,131 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 339 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,126 Hmm. 340 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,754 (TURNS OFF TV) I'd like to get into some 341 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,056 blue pants right now. 342 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,138 (GASPS) 343 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,816 What are those doing there? 344 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,644 Earning us 100 bucks a week, that's what. 345 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,525 Uh, except the "Maine potatoes" one. 346 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,481 It's just a reminder to myself. 347 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:48,943 (GROANS) 348 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:53,830 Hey, maître d'! 349 00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,074 May I help you, sir? 350 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,784 These rolls are stale! Bombardment! 351 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,502 Bring me some more! Bombardment! 352 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,128 And some iced tea for the lady, please. Bombardment! 353 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:04,917 (SIGHS) 354 00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,840 (SINGING) I've a fancy suit 355 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,096 And a clean white shirt 356 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,645 But I miss the days when tractor fumes 357 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,270 Blew up my skirt 358 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,272 I was freezing cold 359 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,571 And I slept in mold 360 00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:31,494 But I long for the shack where I lived 361 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,664 She was true to me 362 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,834 My old home of wood 363 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,910 And when I passed out drunk 364 00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,291 From turpentine 365 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,123 She understood (SNORING) 366 00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:47,130 Life was so sublime 367 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,461 Well, boo-hoo 368 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:52,970 'Cause I'm hanging ferns 369 00:18:53,049 --> 00:19:00,024 In the shack where you lived 370 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:04,193 If I had your voice, I'd talk-sing everything. 371 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,567 So, how you doing, Willie? 372 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:15,906 I'm ebullient! I'm bubbling with glee! I'm... 373 00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,751 (IN NORMAL ACCENT) Bloody miserable! I miss me crap shack! 374 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:20,826 (SOBBING) 375 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,789 Hey, that's my table. Amscray! 376 00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,294 (IN POSH ACCENT) Sir, there are many other tables available. 377 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:29,298 None that has a view of the yoga studio. 378 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,469 Yeah, baby. 379 00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,263 Greet the sun, downward dog. 380 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:34,674 (GROWLS AND BARKS) 381 00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,639 Sir, there is a child present. 382 00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:41,473 Hey, when I'm off the clock, kids can jump in the lake! 383 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:44,399 Now get out of my booth, Duchess of Cornball! 384 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,604 Very well, sir. But my name is (IN NORMAL ACCENT) Willie! 385 00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,567 Now may I show you the dessert tray? (GRUNTS) 386 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,777 Dessert tray? That's a great gag. 387 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:55,945 Can I use it? 388 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,996 I'm taking it anyway. (GRUNTS) 389 00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,957 SEYMOUR: It is with great joy 390 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,127 and a sense of "once again everything is back to where it started," 391 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,877 that we welcome our once and future groundskeeper, Willie! 392 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,458 (CHILDREN CHEERING) 393 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,674 Now let's all enjoy some punch and cookies! 394 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,379 Willie, you can start cleaning up now. 395 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,135 With pleasure. 396 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,427 (SINGING) Heaven 397 00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,228 I'm in heaven 398 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,180 Willie, please express yourself through mopping. 399 00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,481 All right. 400 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:28,569 And when you're done, here are the keys to your new shack. 401 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,645 (SIGHS) Ah! 402 00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,524 It's just like I remember. 403 00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,529 With one little difference. 404 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,872 Oh, you made that for me? 405 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,118 (SOBS) 406 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,078 I think I'll need a moment alone. 407 00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,835 I understand. 408 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,166 (DOOR CLOSES) 409 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,293 Argh! (SHATTERS) 410 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,720 I liked it the way it was! Ripped by jasonnguyen2606