1 00:00:03,378 --> 00:00:06,131 (SINGING) The Simpsons Ripped by jasonnguyen2606 2 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:07,800 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 3 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,226 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:11,303 (EXCLAIMING) 5 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:12,934 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 6 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:30,493 BART: Checking out a cave is gonna be awesome! 7 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:33,621 It'll be dark, with rocks and mineral formations, 8 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,123 and plants that have adapted to harsh... 9 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,046 Wait a minute. This is a scam. 10 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,544 We're on a nature walk! (GRUNTING) 11 00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:43,548 Don't worry, Bart. I brought something that'll keep you interested. 12 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,504 A nickel in a water bottle. 13 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,469 Wow. Wow. Wow! 14 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,096 (LAUGHING) 15 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,636 Oh, he'll sleep tonight. 16 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,142 Where'd it go? Where'd it go? 17 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,771 Oh, it's in the cap. (LAUGHING) 18 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:02,397 MARGE: "Local Anahoopi Indians 19 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,109 "believed this stalactite was the finger of Tsisnajini, 20 00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,535 "their God of pointing down." 21 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:11,997 (SCOFFING) Silly Indians. Our God made their God. 22 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,915 It's so impressive. 23 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:17,996 I'm just gonna get a tiny chip to put on my desk at work. 24 00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,668 (FAINT RUMBLING) (ALL GASPING) 25 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,591 (ALL SCREAMING) 26 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,295 (SCREAMING CONTINUES) 27 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:29,257 Save me, Tsisnajini! 28 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,639 (ALL GRUNTING) 29 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:36,851 (STRAINING) 30 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,433 I'm stuck! And I have to pee! 31 00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,395 Now I'm just stuck. 32 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,112 (ALL STRUGGLING) 33 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,611 Don't worry, Homer. 34 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:51,446 We'll get that fireman who cut you out of that teacup ride. 35 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,872 That was two firemen, a crane, and Snow White. 36 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,707 Why you little... (STRUGGLING) (LAUGHING) 37 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,627 Oh, no! This chamber's not on the map. 38 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,801 We could be stuck in here forever if we don't find a way out. 39 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,299 Well, we better start looking. 40 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,506 Don't leave me! I hate to be alone! 41 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,717 Except when I'm watching TV. Then leave me alone. 42 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,051 But right now, don't leave! 43 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,469 I'll stay with you, Dad. 44 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,725 Will you tell me a story? Sure. 45 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,148 Once upon a time in a far off kingdom... 46 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,315 No unicorns. 47 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,938 Oh, all right. 48 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,316 Um, I'll tell you something that happened to me last week. 49 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,489 I was walking home from school 50 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,362 when suddenly I heard... 51 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:30,901 (BLEATING) 52 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,570 Oh, hello, Mister Bighorn Sheep. 53 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,113 (SNORTING) 54 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,699 I've read about you. 55 00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:40,252 You're shy and you rarely approach humans. 56 00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:41,912 (SNORTING LOUDLY) 57 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,167 (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) 58 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:46,716 And of course, you'd never attack a fellow herbivore! 59 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:55,425 Mad beast! 60 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,556 Liberal midget! 61 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:57,636 (YELPING) 62 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,347 (EXHALING) 63 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,431 (SCREAMING) 64 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:04,059 Good Lord, a wooly bully. 65 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,610 (BOTH YELLING) 66 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,732 LISA: Come on! 67 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,028 (BOTH PANTING) (SQUEALING) 68 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:16,284 AUTOMATED VOICE: Enter password. 69 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,580 Damn it, I forget. 70 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,159 Forgot password? Enter place of birth. 71 00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:22,540 Pangaea... 72 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,498 Correct Your password has been e-mailed to you. 73 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,044 D'oh! (GASPING) 74 00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,751 Whoa! (BOTH PANTING) 75 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:30,877 (BLEATING) 76 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:32,971 (BOTH YELPING) 77 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,759 So long, sucker. Oof. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 78 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:40,016 I mean, don't leave an old man to die. 79 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,435 So long, sucker! (SCREAMING) 80 00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:43,515 (PANTING) 81 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,406 (STRUGGLING) 82 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,118 Maybe Mr. Smithers will help us. 83 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,666 No. He's out getting a spray-on tan. 84 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,040 He comes back orange and stains the furniture. 85 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,338 The man's a walking creamsicle. 86 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,668 Hmm... 87 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,376 You worked at Moe's? 88 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:14,259 Yes, and therein lies a tale of woe and heartbreak. 89 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,760 One I couldn't possibly recount. 90 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,514 I understand. I'll just read a magazine. 91 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,936 Okay, here's the story. 92 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,514 I belong to a very exclusive club. 93 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,850 The Excluders' Club. Hmm. 94 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,278 MR. BURNS: One day, while I was savoring the exclusivity... 95 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,524 HOMER: Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 96 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,607 Now you're telling me Burns' story? 97 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,443 Yeah, it's like the play within a play in Hamlet. 98 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:37,869 Huh? Let's see. 99 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,164 It's like when you watch old home movies of you watching TV. 100 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,456 Gotcha. 101 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,328 MR. BURNS: One day, a new member arrived at the club. 102 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,708 Yee-haw! 103 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,416 Who's this dried-up old apricot? 104 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,375 (GRUNTING) 105 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,463 I'm in oil. What's your racket, Slim? 106 00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,343 Nuclear power! 107 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,140 I make money using my brain, 108 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:02,686 not sticking a pole in the ground and praying for goo. 109 00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:03,933 (LAUGHING) 110 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:07,312 You need to get your hands dirty, Poindexter! 111 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,768 Dip 'em in a little Texas crude! 112 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:15,074 (LAUGHING) Down in Houston, we call that a Fort Worth shampoo! 113 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:19,112 Sir, I challenge you to a duel! 114 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:20,286 You got it. 115 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,036 A bullet in the brain at high noon. 116 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,496 (GASPING) 117 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,577 At my age, that could kill me. 118 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,789 How about we settle things with a scavenger hunt? 119 00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,919 You're on, Twiggy! (GASPING) 120 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,671 Sorry about that. (SQUISHING) 121 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:38,422 Gentlemen, you will each be given an identical list of 10 items. 122 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:43,435 The first person to collect all items on said list is the winner. 123 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:47,435 And shall receive all of his opponent's worldly possessions. 124 00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:48,808 Yee-haw! 125 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:51,439 I'm gonna win me a nucular plant! 126 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,153 Dream on, bitch. 127 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,114 Scavengers, scavenge! 128 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,955 Whoa! Hmm? 129 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,051 (SHRIEKING) I'm bald! 130 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,969 MR. BURNS: I had but one item left on the list. 131 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,770 A picture of myself with a smiling child. 132 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,099 (GIGGLING) What could be easier? 133 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,812 (ALL SCREAMING) 134 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,486 It's the boogeyman's grandfather! 135 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,980 He's gonna drink our bones! 136 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,656 Smile. Like this. 137 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,154 (STRAINING) 138 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,485 (ALL SCREAMING) 139 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,158 Yee-haw! 140 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,461 I won! Everything yours is mine! 141 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:52,878 (SIGHING) 142 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,257 Hi-yo, Smithers, away! 143 00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:58,919 (GRUNTING) 144 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,549 MR BURNS: With nowhere else to turn, 145 00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,927 I spent the first three days with relatives. 146 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,223 (OWLS HOOTING) 147 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:08,140 I had to get a job. And I had to start at the bottom. 148 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,596 But to get to the bottom, 149 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,683 I had to work my way up from Moe's. 150 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,685 Hey, bar boy. 151 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,275 This table's wobbly. Come jam your foot under it. 152 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,527 (BOTH LAUGHING) 153 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,611 Hey, bar boy, write a play where I meet Henry Ford and Captain Kirk. 154 00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,446 Hey, bar boy, dance around like an idiot. 155 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:27,530 Like this. 156 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,834 "I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid." 157 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,332 I'm a little busy. Can I do it later? 158 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,163 Sure. (LAUGHING) 159 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,247 You're gonna be all, 160 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:40,802 "I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid..." 161 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,379 (ALL LAUGHING) 162 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,007 Burns sure will look like a jerk later. 163 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,763 MR. BURNS: At $5.15 an hour, 164 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,139 it would take an eternity to make my fortune back. 165 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,596 And FICA wasn't helping. 166 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,476 D'oh! 167 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:56,605 But then, for once in my life, things went my way. 168 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:04,985 I steamed the letter open with Moe's cappuccino machine. 169 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,070 MOE: if you're reading this, I am dead. 170 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,908 And you are about to learn the stow of my treasure. 171 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,038 Treasure? 172 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,326 Treasure? 173 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,749 Moe has a cappuccino machine? 174 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:21,755 (MARGE SIGHING) 175 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,133 We couldn't find a way out. 176 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,213 But on the upside, 177 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,095 I found some cave paintings and made them awesome. 178 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,177 (LAUGHING) 179 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,513 Boy, come here and listen to Lisa's story. 180 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,723 It's about Moe's treasure. 181 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,186 Mmm... Oh... 182 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:37,935 Soto continue... 183 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,190 ...with the sad story... 184 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,192 MOE: ...of Moe's treasure. 185 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,944 It was the first day of summer. 186 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,441 (WHISTLING) 187 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,401 I was heading to the restaurant supply store 188 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,077 to buy some urinal cake mix 189 00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,155 when I was suddenly sideswiped. 190 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,535 By love. 191 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,706 (BRAKES SCREECHING) D'oh! 192 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,034 (GROANING) 193 00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:58,164 There she was, the gorgeous new girl in town, Edna Krabappel. 194 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,209 Oh, you poor man. 195 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:06,342 MOE: She had gossamer hair, limpid eyes, and the rack of an angel. 196 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,725 I see you're new to town. Maybe I could, uh, show you around. 197 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,097 I know a terrific tavern. 198 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,808 Ha! My ex-husband was a drunk. 199 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,983 I hate bars, saloons, nightclubs, 200 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,856 and most of all, taverns. 201 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:23,279 Oh, yeah, me, too. That's why I'm not a tavern keeper. 202 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,776 What do you do for a living? 203 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:27,530 Me? Well, I, uh... For a living, well... 204 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:30,032 There's, uh, all kinds of things a fella can do, 205 00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,330 such as hemming, and, uh, hawing and... 206 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:36,285 But me, I'm a highly-respected, um, therapist for alcoholics. 207 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,498 Oh... 208 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,590 MOE: I knew that in order to win her love, 209 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,759 I needed to get rid of the human garbage 210 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,257 otherwise known as my best friends. 211 00:09:48,171 --> 00:09:49,297 (GRUNTING) BARNEY: on! 212 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,927 (GRUNTING) CARL: Come on! 213 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,509 (GRUNTING) 214 00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,011 Barney, how do you keep getting back in? 215 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:59,100 I'm a drunk. I don't know nothing about how I do anything. 216 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,308 Whoa! 217 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,530 (FRANK SINATRA SINGING) Fly me to the moon 218 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,360 Let me play among the stars 219 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,487 MOE: For one sweet summer, I was a true gentleman, 220 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:16,074 as a result of which, Krabappel was letting me do her. 221 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:19,127 So, Mrs. Krabappel, you got any plans? 222 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:23,423 In the fall, I'll be teaching fourth grade at Springfield Elementary. 223 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:25,546 Oh, that's great. Wonderful bunch of kids. 224 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,804 Lab partners don't treat lab partners like this! 225 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,881 Shut up and attract lightning! 226 00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:39,849 Edna, you've made me feel love where before there was only pain. 227 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,478 Come here, you. 228 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,274 Oh, jeez. 229 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:48,357 Hey, Moe, thanks to you, I've been sober a week. 230 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,282 Yeah, me, too. Yeah, we're all sober. 231 00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,237 Uh, these are some of the local alcoholics I told you about. 232 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,366 Don't pigeonhole us. 233 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:55,997 We have other vices. 234 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,040 I dress up like a baby. 235 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,586 Ah, come on, guys, let me give you some counseling over here. 236 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:05,169 (GRUNTING) Listen, booze bags, I got a good thing going here. 237 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,546 If you mess it up, I will out the one of you that is gay. 238 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:08,922 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 239 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,343 So, uh, where were we? 240 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,432 I had to get Edna out of Springfield, 241 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,105 make a fresh start in a new town far away. 242 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,525 A place where we could play bridge with our neighbors. 243 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,444 And if they're interested in wife swapping, who am I to say no? 244 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,066 I mean, I'm just the new guy. 245 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,365 But where would I get the money to start a new life? 246 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,569 And then opportunity strolled right in the door. 247 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:41,126 Yes, hello. I need directions to the Springfield Natural History Museum. 248 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,916 I totally have a donation for them. 249 00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:47,332 Coins, money, gold! 250 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:50,919 See, this was back before Snake became a notorious jailbird, 251 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,552 when he was an idealistic, law-abiding young archeologist. 252 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,975 I was, like, excavating this Mayan pyramid 253 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,269 and I totally unearthed these gold coins. 254 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,564 And I'm all like, "Could you be anymore pre-Columbian?" 255 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,983 Uh, you can't donate that gold to the museum today 256 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,560 because, um, it's closed 257 00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,772 so they can clean under the wangs of the statues. 258 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,231 Oh. Well, no problem. 259 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,113 I'll just spend the night in that motel across the street there. 260 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,987 MOE: Love had handed me an awful dilemma. 261 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,949 Should I rob this guy, or rob him and kill him? 262 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,659 I decided to do the right thing. 263 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,261 I've been robbed! 264 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,760 I'll take my revenge on society, 265 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,967 by which I mean convenience stores. 266 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:42,600 And who would suspect me, Professor Jailbird? 267 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,648 MOE: Before we left town for good, we had to make one stop 268 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,321 so she could tell the school she wouldn't be teaching there. 269 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:55,526 Back in a flash, my sweet little gargoyle. 270 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,197 (LAUGHING) 271 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,195 Aww. 272 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,790 MOE: I was the happiest guy in the world. 273 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:06,836 But fate likes to play a little game called "Up yours, Moe." 274 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,627 Moe, we need to talk. 275 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:12,209 About what? How nothing changed when you were in there? 276 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,671 Not exactly. You see, when I went inside... 277 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,053 (GASPING) Young man, it's summertime. 278 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,350 What are you doing here? 279 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,053 I've got detention all summer. 280 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,228 Why? 281 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,972 Because I'm a screw-up. 282 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,400 My sister's the smart one. All I do is get in trouble. 283 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:32,190 Aw, sweetheart, do you want to do better? 284 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,113 Oh, it doesn't matter. 285 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,190 Everyone's pretty much given up on me. 286 00:13:36,274 --> 00:13:39,118 I bet I won't even make it through fourth grade. 287 00:13:40,653 --> 00:13:41,950 (MOE HUMMING) 288 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,324 You'll make it through fourth grade. 289 00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,001 Because I'm gonna stay here and be your teacher. 290 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:50,922 MARGE: Wait, wait, wait. There's one thing I don't understand here. 291 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:53,591 You never had detention all summer. 292 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,340 Oh, that load of crap? (LAUGHING) 293 00:13:56,419 --> 00:13:57,887 No, I was just keeping her busy 294 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,430 while Nelson stole microscopes. 295 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,506 Make with the story. 296 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:01,842 Well, my best recollection of 297 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,848 Burns' paraphrasing of what he read in Moe's letter 298 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,929 is that Krabappel told Moe... 299 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,606 I have to stay here in Springfield 300 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,184 because boys like Bart Simpson need me. 301 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,942 Sweet, misunderstood boys who just need someone to recognize 302 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,615 the basic goodness that's trapped inside them 303 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,034 and is desperately trying to get out. 304 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,453 MOE: There was nothing I could do. 305 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,248 Well, except go nuts. 306 00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:29,373 You crazy skirt! Nobody backs out on fake-good Moe! 307 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,499 I ought to... 308 00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,546 (TALKING GIBBERISH) 309 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,715 (TIRES SCREECHING) 310 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,799 (FRANK SINATRA SINGING) In other words 311 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,389 I love... 312 00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,720 (SOBBING) 313 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,769 MOE: If I couldn't spend the treasure on Edna, I didn't want to spend it. 314 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:53,852 I just sat there playing our song on the jukebox, 315 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,360 one gold... 316 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,279 "...coin at a time." 317 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,571 Oh, you poor man. 318 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,779 You're about to get a lot poorer. 319 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,158 (GRUNTING) 320 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,036 Okay, I'll take your gold 321 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,044 and give you back all your worldly possessions, 322 00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,376 excepting your nucular plant. 323 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,051 You don't get that back 324 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:23,052 till you bring me a photo of yourself with a smiling child. 325 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:26,180 (SCOFFING) What the hell could that mean to you? 326 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,012 I'm obsessive compulsive! Yee-haw! 327 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:32,941 One, two, three, four. Yee-haw! 328 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,187 One, two, three, four. 329 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:41,484 No nucular plant without a photo. One, two, three, four. 330 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,534 That's where we left off. One, two, three, four. 331 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,030 So, without my beloved nuclear plant, 332 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,241 I have nothing to live for. 333 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,616 (ROARING) 334 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:51,997 (BOTH SCREAMING) 335 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,250 Hmm. (SHIVERING) 336 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,212 Take me, a barren, old thistle, 337 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,293 and spare this sweet, young flower. 338 00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:01,468 (BLEATING) 339 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,382 (BLEATING) 340 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:07,592 (GASPING) 341 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,813 (GASPING) My pearl necklace. 342 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,813 I must've lost it and you were just bringing it back to me? 343 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,987 (EXASPERATED BLEATING) 344 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,772 How did you find this? 345 00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:22,778 (RAMBLING BLEATING) 346 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:25,947 (SHOCKED BLEATING) 347 00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:31,825 MR. BURNS: Ooh. 348 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,706 The sheep was no danger at all. 349 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:36,583 I sacflficed my gorgeous body for nothing. 350 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,539 This must be what it's like to have a baby. 351 00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:42,628 I want a photo of the hero who risked his life to save me. 352 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:50,517 (GASPING) 353 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,096 A picture of me with a smiling child. 354 00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:55,147 I can get my plant back! 355 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,141 (GIGGLING) 356 00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,103 100 Industrial Way! 357 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,064 Mr. Burns got his plant back, 358 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:07,072 and I like to think I found a shred of humanity in his withered soul. 359 00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:10,743 (SNIFFLING) Oh, Dad. Did my story make you cry'? 360 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:14,497 (SOBBING) Well, it was very moving. 361 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,455 But the thing is, bats are chewing my legs! 362 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,539 (SCREAMING) 363 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,874 (BATS SCREECHING) 364 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:28,014 Oh, why did I lead you down here to find those stupid coins? 365 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:32,010 (ALL ARGUING AT ONCE) MARGE: This wasn't just an innocent family outing? 366 00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:35,393 Homer, you brought us to this horrible place on purpose? 367 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,314 Oh, you didn't think it was so horrible 368 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,233 when you were falling down the hole. 369 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,606 That was the most horrible part of all! 370 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,484 Well, I guess I should explain. 371 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,612 Not long ago, it was my day to take care of the baby. 372 00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:49,160 So I was out in the forest hiding. 373 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,578 (SNORING) 374 00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:54,957 RICH TEXAN: (SINGING) Oh, the yellow gold of Texas is what I wanna save 375 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:59,170 I will not pay no taxes if I hide it in a cave 376 00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:02,298 HOMER: I deduced from his parody lyrics 377 00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,922 that he was hiding gold in the cave. 378 00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,972 I figured he'd never miss two or three pieces, 379 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:13,051 money which we could use to pay for Bart's operation. 380 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,885 I need an operation? 381 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,392 That's a story for another day. 382 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,979 I realized I could never find the gold without your help. 383 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,652 So I made it this week's family outing. 384 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:27,114 (GUN COCKING) I'll take that gold if'n you please. 385 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:29,612 How can you take it? We haven't found it. 386 00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,865 It's right there behind that rock. 387 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,696 No, to your left. 388 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,701 Texas left, which is your down. 389 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:38,997 Oh... 390 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:44,166 I'll take that gold if'n you please. (GUN COCKING) 391 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,751 MR. BURNS: Not so fast, Shady Bird Johnson. 392 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,878 I'll take that gold. 393 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,008 MOE: Yeah, you'll take it. 394 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,806 And then you'll give it to me if you know what's good for you. 395 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,135 (GUNS COCKING) You guys have guns? 396 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,639 Well, so do I! 397 00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,559 (IMITATING GUN COCKING) Huh? Huh? 398 00:18:58,846 --> 00:18:59,972 SNAKE: Yo! 399 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,852 Coolest entrance gets the gold. 400 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,443 Um, is it okay that I brought my son? 401 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:09,739 This is my day with him. 402 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,284 Jeremy, there's a boy over there you can play with. 403 00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:14,533 Do you like Xbox? 404 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,416 RICH TEXAN: Looks like we got us a Mexican stand-off. 405 00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:19,913 (GUN COCKING) 406 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:41,602 (GRUNTING) If you all don't drop your guns and behave, no one gets the gold! 407 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:45,314 And why do you really want it anyway? 408 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,522 Moe, will the gold bring back Edna's love? 409 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,981 It could, definitely. 410 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,408 Mr. Burns, isn't it more important 411 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,236 that you got a child to smile at you? 412 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,822 Honestly, no. I'd rather have the gold. 413 00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:58,906 Oh, absolutely. 414 00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,161 I couldn't agree more. 415 00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:05,122 I can see there's only one way to turn you into human beings again. 416 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,205 (GRUNTING) 417 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,837 (ALL GASPING) 418 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:12,216 Lady, I ought to fill you full of... 419 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:14,638 ...gratitude! (LAUGHING) 420 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,308 That gold was turning us into monsters. 421 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:20,728 Well, I know a place where we can atone for our misdeeds. 422 00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:24,853 They're building a youth center in Shelbyville and totally need volunteers. 423 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,730 Let's go there now. 424 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,144 Yes, let's. 425 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,859 I'll, uh... I'll catch up with you. 426 00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,565 (STRUGGLING) 427 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,573 And that's why I didn't have time 428 00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:38,575 to study for my geography test. 429 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,406 Bart, do you expect me to believe that? 430 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,742 That story is the biggest load of... 431 00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:45,078 Krabappel? Making out with Moe? 432 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,007 But I thought you didn't want to date a tavern owner. 433 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,131 At this point, all I want is a man with a healthy libido. 434 00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:56,384 Uh-huh. Well, this is where it gets awkward again. 435 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:58,382 Yee-haw! 436 00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,969 Moe can't catch a break! One, two, three, four. 437 00:21:01,051 --> 00:21:04,897 Can't catch a break. One, two, three, four. 438 00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,724 RICH TEXAN: And there's some producers. 439 00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:08,684 One... two, three, four. 440 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,064 Four producers. Ripped by jasonnguyen2606