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00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:04,610
(SINGING) The Simpsons
2
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:16,891
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
3
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,440
(HORN BELLOWING)
Ripped By mstoll
4
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:28,610
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)
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(TIRES SCREECHING)
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00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,081
(HONKING)
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(BRAKES SCREECHING)
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D'oh!
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00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,287
(EXCLAIMING)
10
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:56,521
(TIRES SCREECHING)
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00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,120
I'm so stoked
about Lenny's party.
12
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,089
He said he's gonna make
a surprise announcement.
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00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,522
Ooh, maybe
he's getting married.
14
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(SCOFFS) Why the hell
would he want to do that?
15
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:26,607
Blessed sacrament that has
made my life so rich.
16
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I like your hat,
sweetie.
17
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,445
I'm not wearing a hat!
18
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,529
I mean the one
at the house.
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(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
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Another party
and we can't go.
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Yeah. Just because we's afraid
of using the uppity-box.
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Hey, Ned.
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Ain't no party
like a Lenny party
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'cause a Lenny party
don't stop!
25
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,526
I gotta work tomorrow.
I better go.
26
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:53,521
Oh, my God.
27
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,481
How did Lenny get to be Newsfake
Magazine's man of the year?
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00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,206
That's just a souvenir
from an amusement park.
29
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,090
What? Next you'll
be telling me
30
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,685
he didn't meet
Woody Woodpecker.
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00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,251
I dated the woman in that
suit for three months.
32
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,726
Then she left me
for the guy
33
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,564
who cleans the vomit
off the roller coasters.
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00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,531
Lenny, I see you cut the
celery at an angle here.
35
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,001
(CHUCKLES) Makes my straight-cut
celery look like crap.
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(GRUNTS)
(ALL GASP)
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Attention, everybody.
Please shut up.
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I know you're all
wondering why you're here.
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The fact is I'm dying
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(ALL GASP)
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to tell you
that I have adopted
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ALL: Aww...
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00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,489
a new faith
ALL: Huh?
44
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In the power of technological
advances to make me happy!
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That's right! I've got a
new plasma screen HDTV.
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ALL: Ooh!
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I've never seen a picture
so highly defined!
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Lenny, this TV is amazing!
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00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,848
If you’re not careful,
I might just spend
50
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,888
the rest of my life
on your couch.
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00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,086
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
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00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,844
You don't mean that
literally, of course?
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You're right, Lenny.
I...
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(GRUNTS)
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(SPRING TWANGING)
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Lenny, bring me a beer and your
deepest chamber pot. Chop-chop.
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00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,007
(GASPS)
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00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,481
Look at that
picture quality.
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00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,968
You can see the soulless
emptiness in that shark's eyes.
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00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,570
(GASPS) Ooh.
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00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,330
Two and a Half Men.
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00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,400
You can see the soulless emptiness
in Charlie Sheen's eyes.
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Dad, please come home.
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We miss you. (GASPS)
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00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,242
Is that a high-def TV?
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00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,322
Mom didn't say
anything about high def!
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00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,004
(BOTH LAUGHING)
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00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:56,411
Later if I have
enough energy,
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00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,050
we can walk up
to the TV
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00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,924
and I'll show you
how thin it is.
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00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,087
Wow.
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00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,162
There's a rainbow outside.
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00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,242
Oh, yeah? Well, right
there's a commercial
74
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,209
with a dancing
cold sore.
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00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,207
(SINGING) Break out
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00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,890
(VOCALIZING)
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Break out
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(VOCALIZING)
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(ENGINES REVVING)
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(TIRES SQUEALING)
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00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:25,810
ANNOUNCER: And Bodell Janx the
Third crashes into Bodell Janx.
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00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,482
The winner is
Bodell Janx Junior.
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00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,762
(LAUGHING) Wow.
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00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,002
I can actually
feel the heat.
85
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,003
Beat it.
This is my alone time.
86
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,327
Can you at least take
a picture of me with the TV?
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00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,129
I ain't falling
for that again.
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00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,488
HOMER: Oh, yeah.
Good times.
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00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,407
Stupid non-plasma TV.
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00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,802
Picture's so blurry, might
as well rub dirt in my eyes.
91
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,450
Homie,
I've been thinking.
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00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,570
We have been using
this TV for a long time.
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00:04:55,680 --> 00:05:00,322
So I entered a contest where the
first prize is a plasma-screen TV.
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00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,802
Oh! Marge! I love you!
I love you! I love you!
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00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,723
(MOANING)
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00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,651
(CHUCKLING)
97
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,526
Now I really hope
we win that contest.
98
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,090
There's a chance
we won't win?
99
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:13,651
(HOMER HUMMING)
100
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:25,051
My collection is complete. Forty
years of The Family Circus.
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00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,083
(LAUGHING) Uh...
102
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,247
Hmm...
103
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,841
(PHONE RINGING)
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00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:32,921
Y'ello?
105
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,968
MAN: Congratulations,
Mr. Simpson. You've won.
106
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,605
The big-screen TV?
107
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,451
(CHUCKLES) No. No one wins that.
You won third prize.
108
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,166
A tour of the Fox Network
in Los Angeles, California.
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00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,924
All expenses paid?
110
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,128
Oh, look. I gotta go.
(LINE HANGS UP)
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TOUR GUIDE: Here's where we make
The Best Damn Sports Show Period.
112
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And there's where we make the
worst damn comedy show, period.
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(ALL JEERING)
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00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,521
Ooh, why, look!
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00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,444
There's Dan Castellaneta
from The Tracey Ullman Show.
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00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,241
Hey, funny man!
Say something funny!
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00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,364
Please don't lean out of the tram, sir.
You might get hurt.
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00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,363
"Oh, don't lean out
of the tram..."
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(GROANING)
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00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,291
Here's where we develop
our many reality shows.
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00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,085
There's Dwarf or Midget?
America Decides.
122
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,401
And Million Dollar Fart-Off.
(FARTING)
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00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,881
Mother Flippers?
What's this show about?
124
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,203
Uh, this is a reality program,
dear, where we take wives
125
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,884
from two very
different families
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00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,644
and they trade places
for a month.
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00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,485
I already saw that exact same
show on another network.
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00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,685
(CHUCKLES) Here, sweetie.
Have a Fox sweatshirt.
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00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,968
This is an ABC sweatshirt.
130
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,970
Yeah. And it zips all the way up.
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
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00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,368
(SINGING) She'll be coming
'round the mountain
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'Cause I'm saving
all my love for you
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She'll be coming
'round the mountain
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Spray 'em down.
135
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,167
(ALL SCREAMING)
136
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,761
So what's the prize
on this wife swap show?
137
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,320
Oh, about enough to
buy a new plasma TV.
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00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,529
(GASPS) That's just the
product I've been coveting!
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00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:09,726
Pick us! Pick us!
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00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:10,847
Ah, not so fast.
141
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,366
Are you sure you want your most
intimate moments broadcast
142
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,447
across the country?
143
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,682
Are you kidding?
Take a look at my DVD.
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00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,526
(CHUCKLING) They'll never let
me near Lake Havasu again.
145
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,441
What are you doing,
Homer?
146
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,682
I'm signing us up
for a reality show
147
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,205
where we trade you
to another family.
148
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,125
Well, that might
be interesting.
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00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,851
Or it could damage
many, many lives.
150
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,287
Oh, Marge, you're the
greatest mom ever.
151
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,567
I want the whole
world to see that.
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00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,603
That's very sweet.
But I...
153
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:39,886
Look, ma'am,
I've done a lot of these.
154
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,201
Everybody has fun,
no one gets hurt,
155
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,044
and you make a lot of money
you could really use.
156
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,647
And if you say yes now,
it'll make a great act break.
157
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,247
I'll do it!
158
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,731
Perfect. But could
you say it again
159
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,643
with more emphasis
on the "I'll?"
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00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,960
I'll do it!
161
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,724
Mmm, no, no.
Go back to the first way.
162
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,531
I'll do it! Wait, wait.
I wasn't happy with that.
163
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,682
You know what? Just do it the way
it feels comfortable to you.
164
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:03,205
I'll do it!
165
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:11,324
I'll do it! I'll do it!
166
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:12,527
How was that?
167
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,125
Uh, we'll get it later.
168
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:18,806
These are
the Heathbars.
169
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,649
Verity, who will be
your new mom,
170
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,286
is the youngest ever
full professor at Yale.
171
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,727
I got my tenure at 28.
172
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:30,169
Oh, really? Bart, when
did you get your tenure?
173
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,169
I got my tenure
right here.
174
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,284
Yeah?
Well, I have full tenure!
175
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,160
(HUMMING)
176
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,447
Ugh! We better
pixelate those.
177
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,443
There aren't enough
pixels in the world!
178
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,968
Yeah. Urn, just cover it
with Ryan Seacrest's head.
179
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:46,281
This is Charles.
180
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,450
You can call me Charlie,
but do not call me late
181
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,204
when there are scones about.
(LAUGHING)
182
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,566
(SIGHS)
183
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:53,806
A little British humor.
184
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,491
I'll bet the twist is
he's gay.
185
00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,131
Your two families will
exchange wives for a month.
186
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,767
Then a viewer vote will decide who
they think is the least reprehensible.
187
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,045
I don't understand, Dad.
188
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,009
Our family has
so many flaws.
189
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,208
Why must we share
them with the world?
190
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:15,850
Because we'll be on TV and
earn enough money to buy a TV!
191
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,321
TV!
192
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,482
But Dad...
Yes, T-Visa?
193
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,767
Ugh! Forget it.
194
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,561
Listen up, Stonehenge.
195
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:27,406
I made a drawing of the places
on Marge you can't touch.
196
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,484
Especially the hair!
Oh!
197
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,610
You needn't worry. I'm a bit of
an elbow man myself, actually.
198
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:36,446
(CHUCKLES) Bit different,
bit weird, not sexual.
199
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,201
You take forever
to say nothing.
200
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,240
You know,
you don't seem like
201
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,970
the money-hungry
semi-stripper
202
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,247
who's usually on Fox.
Why do you do it?
203
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,084
Well, l thought
there was no further way
204
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,844
I could humiliate
my husband.
205
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,321
And then this
opportunity came along.
206
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,084
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
I see.
207
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,811
Well, I should be getting
to the living room.
208
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,491
You know,
I despise my husband.
209
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,450
Well, he didn't get the prize
pig at the fair either.
210
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,841
Charles hasn't
satisfied me in years.
211
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,241
Yeah. That's how I feel
about Notre Dame football.
212
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,727
Cruel, dusty years.
213
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,326
I don't know why I ever
married that woman!
214
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,329
(MARGE HUMMING)
215
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,126
So, Charles, what do
you do for a living?
216
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,248
Well, I'm an
office manager.
217
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,609
And no, I didn't even get
a promotion today, again.
218
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:26,846
So go on.
Go ahead.
219
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,491
Disembowel me with your
pointy, pointy words.
220
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,962
Really? You manage
a whole office?
221
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:38,085
Yes. Yes. Yes,
I do, actually.
222
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,322
Well, that's
very impressive.
223
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,210
Does that include the
people and the furniture?
224
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,443
Yeah. And I decide where
the Christmas party's held.
225
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,891
Actually, it's decided
by committee,
226
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,367
but you know, I choose the committee.
Hello? (CHUCKLES)
227
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,251
I don't choose
the committee as such,
228
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,926
(STAMMERING) but you know,
I choose where they meet.
229
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,004
This year, I am thinking
of Conference Room C.
230
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,286
Ooh!
231
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,966
That leaves A and B
available for overflow.
232
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,530
Well done.
233
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,410
(VIDEO GAME NOISES)
234
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:18,802
Bart, I told you, no television
until you do the dishes.
235
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,400
And I do not call
that doing the dishes.
236
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,207
(GLASS SHATTERS)
237
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,607
Well, my mom says
why bother punishing me?
238
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,171
I never learn.
239
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,161
(SCREAMING)
240
00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,730
(LAUGHING)
241
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,964
Disgusting.
242
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:41,125
Young man, I'm going to turn
that cartoon into homework!
243
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,005
Help me, cameraman. I let you
smoke a cigarette in my bedroom!
244
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,526
That was a joint. And I have a name.
It's Doug.
245
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,723
"Then Itchy used
an ice cream scoop
246
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,245
"to scoop out
Scratchys heart
247
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,129
"and make it a sundae.
The end."
248
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:57,327
Now Homer, would you care to
give your report on CSI: Miami?
249
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,289
Uh, okay.
250
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,646
(CLEARS THROAT)
251
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,844
"There's this guy that got killed.
I think it was in Miami.
252
00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,651
"So CSI: Miami
investigated-ed it.
253
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,485
"Then a family said how much
they loved the Olive Garden.
254
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,170
"Then I fell asleep.
255
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,564
"When I woke up, Letterman
was talking to Alias."
256
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,162
That's wonderful!
257
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,249
Indeed. Now if
you'll excuse me,
258
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,084
I have a Mandarin
Chinese lesson.
259
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,810
(SPEAKING MANDARIN)
260
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,167
He's a very
impressive boy.
261
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,050
The apple doesn't
fall far from the tree.
262
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,283
A tree that's been alone
for far too long.
263
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,483
I don't get it. Are you
saying you're the tree?
264
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,403
Maybe.
Are my roots showing?
265
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,687
(CHUCKLING)
Wordplay. Brilliant.
266
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:45,841
Would you like
to hear a joke?
267
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,763
As long as it's not
a knock-knock joke.
268
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,366
I always ruin them
by saying, "Come in."
269
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,165
No, no. This joke is
actually quite funny.
270
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,608
(CHUCKLING) You see, this
man, he finds a magic lamp.
271
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,085
And a genie comes out.
272
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,083
That's funny.
That's just the setup.
273
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,811
Well, you've set me up
for laughs down the road.
274
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,963
So the genie says,
"I'll give you three wishes,
275
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,044
"but whatever you get,
your wife gets double-"
276
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,286
Okay? Remember that.
277
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,010
Oh, how nice for her.
278
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,721
Now here's the humor. The man
says, "I want a new car."
279
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,527
The genie says,
"Your wife gets two."
280
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,165
Okay' remember
the double? Yeah.
281
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,286
The man says,
"I want a new house."
282
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,727
So the genie says,
"Your wife gets two."
283
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,206
Mmm-hmm.
284
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:28,406
So the man says...
285
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,606
(LAUGHING)
286
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,563
"Beat me half to death."
287
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,645
It's funny.
Don't you get it?
288
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:35,960
Because she gets double.
289
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,610
So if he gets beaten
half to death,
290
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,523
the wife would be
beaten to death.
291
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:40,841
(LAUGHING)
292
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,081
That sounds horrible.
293
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,286
I agree. Terrible.
294
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,647
Offensive towards women.
295
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,322
Little amusing, don't you think?
No!
296
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,880
Me either. Spousal abuse, it's...
It's a real problem.
297
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,644
It's not funny. lt's
tragic if anything, so...
298
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,041
Well, I liked the genie part.
That was fun.
299
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,281
You think so?
Yes.
300
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,125
I could really picture him
with curly shoes
301
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,850
and smoke
all over the place.
302
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,162
You're a born storyteller.
303
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:05,481
Uh, well, yeah.
I suppose I am.
304
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,608
Yeah. Yeah.
Not a murderer.
305
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,569
No. (LAUGHING)
Hmm...
306
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:10,841
Would you like to
hear another joke?
307
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,288
I sure would. Let me just
get us some iced tea.
308
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,766
One more kind word from her
and lam completely smitten.
309
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,525
Ooh, your toaster
takes bagels.
310
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,886
How ritzy!
311
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,764
And there we have it.
312
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,086
(SNIFFING) Ooh.
313
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,884
What's that
delicious smell?
314
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,890
I'm burning all your underwear.
(GROANS)
315
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,801
(DOOR CLOSES)
316
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,730
What's with the kimono?
Are we having La Choy?
317
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,450
(CHUCKLES)
No, Marge.
318
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,887
I was just sitting around
drinking vermouth
319
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,243
and contemplating how just when
you're drowning in a pit of despair,
320
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,563
life can throw you a beautiful,
blue life preserver.
321
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,889
Huh. I thought life preservers
only came in orange.
322
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,322
Because wouldn't it be hard
to see blue in the ocean?
323
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,370
Buh, buh, buh, buh.
No logic. Not tonight.
324
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,487
Where's Ben?
325
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,562
The housekeeper
took him out for a walk.
326
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,241
How long do we
have to stay here?
327
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,766
Until I'm sick
of drinking these!
328
00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,161
And I'm never sick
of drinking these!
329
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,286
(PLAYING SAD TUNE)
330
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,606
That's right.
It just gets worse.
331
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,331
So you see, we have the
whole house to ourselves.
332
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,211
Oh! Who left this here?
333
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,484
Did I tell you
I'm a bit of a songwriter?
334
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,286
Words and music.
Hold the applause.
335
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,931
I wrote this song
for a woman. You.
336
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,442
Huh. What an odd thing for a man
who's not interested in me to do.
337
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,170
Yes, not interested.
338
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,801
Let me just breathe your scent
for a moment before I play.
339
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,051
(SHUDDERING)
340
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,770
(SINGING) Lady,
when you came to me
341
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,888
I was feeling blue
342
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,610
Blue just like
your hair, you see
343
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,887
Blue just like the moon
344
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,529
But only when
the moon is blue
345
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,568
And not when
it is green
346
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,490
And now that
you are here with me
347
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,608
I am in a dream
348
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,684
Oh, yeah, Marge. Your
dreams can come true.
349
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,286
Lady, when you go away
350
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,608
I feel like I could die
351
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,211
Not like dye
like your hair is dyed
352
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,760
But die like Lady Di
353
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,244
And not like Di
like her name is Di
354
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,886
But die like
when she died
355
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,606
(SIGHS) Ooh.
356
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,250
But Lady just like Lady Di
357
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,528
Be my princess tonight
358
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,329
But don't die
359
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,563
Don't die. No way.
360
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,802
That song was very nice.
361
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,888
How'd you think up
so many rhyming words?
362
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,126
Marge, I love you!
363
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,680
And I can tell from your
basic level of courtesy
364
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:09,841
that you love me, too.
365
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,924
What? No!
Listen, Charles,
366
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,923
I don't want to
hurt your feelings...
367
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,729
Because you love me,
right? Admit it.
368
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,690
We were born to fall into each
others arms on reality TV!
369
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,286
I'm sorry,
but I love Homer.
370
00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:24,840
(SIGHS)
Of course you do.
371
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,129
He's a real man.
Not like me.
372
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,851
A miserable toad under the
thumb of the biggest bitch
373
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,888
this side of the
Westminster Kennel Club.
374
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,611
Charles, please,
your son might see this!
375
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:35,920
He's not my son!
376
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,890
His real father's either the
pool man or my wife's lover.
377
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:39,961
(SOBS)
378
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,964
They're the main
two candidates
379
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:43,730
I've narrowed it down to.
Pretty sure.
380
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,723
Mmm. There, there.
381
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,689
God, I miss Homer.
382
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,086
I miss him, too.
383
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,766
What is it about him that
is so damned irresistible?
384
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:56,449
Well, he's loved me ever since
the first moment he saw me.
385
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:57,931
And he's never stopped.
386
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,082
And whatever it takes
to make me happy,
387
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,128
he'll do it,
even if it kills him.
388
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,089
Sorry, I ran out of tape just before
that beautiful speech of hers.
389
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,447
But I got a great shot of him
saying his son's a bastard.
390
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,760
(DOORBELL RINGS)
391
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,088
Lisa? What are you doing
in the Nutmeg State?
392
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,369
Fox flew me out here
to bring you back.
393
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,450
They flew me on
Prim-Lay's Air Force Yum.
394
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:23,002
And I'm required to say, "Come to
the cool ranch and rope in flavor.
395
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,281
"Yee haw."
396
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,646
Let's go home, sweetie.
397
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,610
I'm sure there's a hamper
full of Homer waiting for me.
398
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:29,841
And I'm coming with you
399
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,725
to tell my sea hag of a
wife, "You're fi red !"
400
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:33,841
(CHUCKLES)
401
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,891
l was doing, uh, Donald
Trump, billionaire?
402
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,291
If you knew who he was, you'd be dying.
(CHUCKLING)
403
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:43,521
I know who
Donald Trump is.
404
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:44,641
Me, too.
405
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,161
(SCOFFS) I don't think you do.
Spot on.
406
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:53,371
She's nowhere to be seen!
407
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,089
Time to let Homer
be Homer!
408
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:57,811
(GRUNTS)
409
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,881
(SIGHS)
410
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,723
Homie, I missed you
so much!
411
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,402
Put your pants back on.
412
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,329
Oh, Marge,
thank God you're back!
413
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,091
She made me spend
time with the kids!
414
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,243
And not just W time,
talking time!
415
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,401
Where is she?
416
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,530
Where's the soul-sucking
she-beast that I call sweet-ums?
417
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,006
Maggie?
She's in her crib.
418
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,004
No. My soon-to-be
ex-wife.
419
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,081
I, uh...
420
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,841
I don't think you want
to see her just now.
421
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,604
Oh, yes, I do.
(LAUGHS)
422
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,167
She's got the shock of
her life coming to her.
423
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,810
Charles, I'm leaving you.
424
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,524
You snooze, you lose.
425
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,080
(SCOFFS) You're
leaving me for him?
426
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:41,361
So it would appear.
427
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:43,568
However, Cousin Itt there
was born a woman.
428
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,803
What brought us together
is how much we hate you.
429
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,970
Yeah? Well, I'm gonna vote
"No" on 38 so you can't adopt!
430
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,161
(GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
431
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,163
Kidding! Kidding!
I don't vote.
432
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,130
The polling place is up a hill,
and I never make it! Ow!
433
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,850
(PLAYING GUITAR)
434
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,410
(SINGING)
You make me laugh
435
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,130
You make me cry
436
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,210
Without you
I'd just want to die
437
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:09,884
For the rest of my life
438
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,724
You'll be a fixture
439
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,802
Now let me enjoy
440
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,202
Your picture in picture
441
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,403
And, Marge,
you're pretty great, too.
442
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:20,891
Yeah, whatever.
443
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,482
Oh, yeah.
Can you feel it?
444
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,727
Just over the credits.
Just riffing now.
445
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,011
Words and chords.
446
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,769
Not the poetry
and the real thing,
447
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,525
but not bad for an ad-lib.
448
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,443
Not good. But...
449
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,523
And it's not long enough.
So just do a little bit more.
450
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,090
And that's nearly done.
That's the final credit.
451
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:04,003
There, that's the end.
Ripped By mstoll