1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,930 (SINGING) The Simpsons Ripped by jasonnguyen2606 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:07,679 (TIRES SCREECHING) 3 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:10,018 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,185 (EXCLAIMS) 5 00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,513 (TIRES SCREECHING) 6 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,392 HOMER: D'oh! 7 00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:18,894 (CHUCKLES) 8 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,667 Oh, when is our food going to get here? 9 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,868 I'm starved! 10 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,704 I'm so bored, I figured out 11 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,414 where the wallpaper pattern repeats. 12 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:42,126 See, it goes ship's wheel, Popeye tattoo, Gilligan hat 13 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:45,008 fish with boobs and back to ship's wheel. 14 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,509 LISA: What about this swordfish? 15 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,850 Oh, my life's work ruined! 16 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,014 Arr, sorry about the delay. 17 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:55,473 The chef is having a bit of a problem with tonight's special. 18 00:00:56,014 --> 00:00:57,015 (GRUNTS) 19 00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:01,233 Meanwhile, I can send a busboy out to get you something 20 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,654 from a better restaurant. 21 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:03,988 Red Lobster? 22 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,065 Not that good. 23 00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,149 (ALL GROANING) 24 00:01:06,275 --> 00:01:10,530 Until then, perhaps an old sea yarn might pass the time. 25 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:12,747 (PUFFS) 26 00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,326 Too bad I don't know any. 27 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,749 I know one about the most important 28 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,671 sea voyage in American history, 29 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,669 the journey of the Mayflower. 30 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,844 Ah, yes, the ship that brought prostitutes to America. 31 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,468 Not prostitutes, protestants. 32 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:31,096 Now who's being naive? 33 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,051 The year was 1620. 34 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,442 Hurry, my little puritans. 35 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:44,943 We must flee England and its insufficiently puritanical ways. 36 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:47,116 Do you have your shipboard entertainments? 37 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,817 I've got my toy wood lump. 38 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,026 (GRUNTS) 39 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:51,699 What jolly fun. 40 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:52,863 (BELL CLANGING) 41 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,449 Finally, we shall bid good-bye to England 42 00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,955 and its drunken, decadent sinners. 43 00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,161 HOMER: Oh! 44 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,463 Out of my way, you God-fearing buckleheads! 45 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:02,873 (MAN GROANS) (SHRIEKS) 46 00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:04,382 (GRUNTS) 47 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,800 Hide me! 48 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,007 Please, you got to help me. 49 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,929 If they find me, they'll kill me. 50 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:11,632 LENNY: Has anyone seen this knave? 51 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:14,639 He's wanted for daring to question why we call this 52 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,972 the Jacobean era when the king's name is James and not Jacob. 53 00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,648 (PRAYING) Oh, Lord, I beseech you... 54 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,646 Mother, we must protect him. 55 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,398 Look, he's praying. 56 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,362 Oh, Lord, please let the soldiers 57 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,235 kill this family instead of me. 58 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:30,154 Noble sir, you may accompany us 59 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,577 to America in my late husband's clothing. 60 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,990 And I will make thee a hat from construction paper. 61 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,792 So thou art a widow, eh? 62 00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:42,671 Then the codpiece holds no terrors for thee. 63 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:46,091 Good sir, I do not approve of your fleshly gaze. 64 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,334 Hmm. 65 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:49,719 (PANTING) 66 00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:51,509 Oh, baby. 67 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,680 Hmm. 68 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,300 MAN 1: Goodbye! MAN 2: Don't come back! 69 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,847 (ALL PRAYING) 70 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,679 What kind of a booze cruise is this? 71 00:02:58,762 --> 00:02:59,854 Where's the hooch? 72 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:03,059 (CHUCKLES) We puritans have no place for drunkenness. 73 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:06,111 Or colorful clothes or dreaming or poetry. 74 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,939 So if you write a sonnet, keep it under your bonnet. 75 00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,282 (GASPS) Oh, no! That was a poem! 76 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,902 (WHIPS) 77 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,408 Forgive me, Lord! 78 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,993 Then pour a little salt in the wounds. (GROANS) 79 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,457 And I'm good. 80 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:22,293 I see you met our devout leader Ned Flandish. 81 00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,333 Stupid Flandish. 82 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,337 Uh, listen, since all the other fun stuff is out of bounds, 83 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,586 how about a little Bible-thumping in the crow's nest? 84 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:32,425 What do you say, Miss... 85 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,390 Constance Prudence Chastity Goodfaith. D'oh! 86 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:36,842 My friends call me Marge. 87 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,971 Oh. Marge Obedience Temperance Sexwon't. 88 00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:41,096 D'oh! 89 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,936 Back off, newbie! We're engaged. 90 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,854 I didn't kill her husband just so... 91 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,894 I mean, I... ldidn't kill her husband. 92 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:48,479 We're not engaged. 93 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,944 Uh, it's really more of an amiable concordance. 94 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,400 Oh! (CLICKS TONGUE) 95 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,573 Such language from a woman. 96 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,654 (GASPS) Oh, no! I just thought of you as a woman! 97 00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:58,913 (GRUNTS) 98 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:04,294 Lord, we thank you for the many ways you show your love. 99 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:08,165 The sun which bakes our lips to the point of bleeding, 100 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:12,093 (CHUCKLES) and your hilarious idea to surround us with water 101 00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:14,171 that would kill us if we drank it. 102 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,596 Now I've got to warn you, 103 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:19,142 even for this day and age, I'm considered a bad husband. 104 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,853 She's going to marry him 'cause he wears boots 105 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,680 instead of blackening his feet. 106 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,107 (SOBS) 107 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:32,027 Well, I'm sure the way to win her heart is to be fat and crying. 108 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,865 Why, thee little... 109 00:04:34,024 --> 00:04:35,241 (CHOKES) (GRUNTS) 110 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,779 D'oh! 111 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:40,247 Oh, don't stop. 112 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:43,326 You're choking him just the way his father used to. 113 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,210 MARGE: Good times. 114 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,254 (SIGHS) Ooh. 115 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,833 Perhaps thou wouldst make a good father. 116 00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:53,631 May I escort you to the railing'? 117 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,711 (HUMMING) 118 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,389 Oh, my God. Look at that hand-on-hand action. 119 00:04:57,589 --> 00:05:00,934 If I don't do something, soon they'll be exchanging pleasantries. 120 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,227 Yes, the weather is fair. 121 00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:06,849 Man! That guy sends my humors from sanguine to bilious! 122 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,942 That's how we talk. Weird, huh? 123 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,570 Time to think of a plan most sneaky. 124 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,819 Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I'm throwing 125 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,900 a little party tonight to celebrate 126 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:19,069 that only half of us have died so far. 127 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,914 (SPLASHES) 128 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:26,660 Beer? I thought you guys didn't drink on the Gayflower? 129 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,041 Stop calling it that! Whatever. 130 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:31,673 I was saving this booze to mess up the Indians, 131 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:35,503 but seeing what good pals we are, I wanted to give you a taste. 132 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,842 Say, I know a good drinking game. 133 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,049 Take a sip every time a wave hits the ship. 134 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,638 (GULPS) 135 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:44,932 Oh, you're good at this. 136 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:53,312 Oh, Lord, thank you for this generous rain and abundant lightning. 137 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,942 (LIGHTNING CRACKS) (GROANS) 138 00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:59,943 Obviously, kissing your ass is getting me nowhere. 139 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,615 This storm's blowing us off course. 140 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,371 And where's our crew? 141 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:07,708 I'll show you where they are. 142 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,828 You don't want to miss this, Marge. 143 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,799 MEN: (CHANTING) Sin, sin, sin! 144 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:17,253 NED: (GASPS) Horseplay? Roughhousing'? 145 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,296 Horsehousing? 146 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,799 And here's the knave what's responsible. 147 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,384 (DRUNKEN LAUGH) 148 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,468 That's all I needed to hear. 149 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:28,471 (GROANS) 150 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,229 Homer, I can't believe I was thinking of letting you 151 00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,026 touch my elbow through a cloth. 152 00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,149 But, baby, a man has needs. 153 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,396 (RUMBLING) 154 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:37,571 (ALL PANICKING) 155 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:38,815 (THUDS) (GROANS) 156 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:40,571 Our captain's be-head-bumped. 157 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,871 Oh, I guess we'll never make it to the new world. 158 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:48,075 Oh, when we landed I was going to denounce my sister as a witch. 159 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,664 I keep telling you the ability to add 160 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,088 two-digit numbers is not witchcraft. 161 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,923 Thirty-one plus forty-three? Seventy-four. 162 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,966 ALL: Witch, witch, witch! 163 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,044 People, this is madness! 164 00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:00,925 We can burn the witch later. 165 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,677 Right now I've got to save this ship. 166 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,090 ALL: Hmm. 167 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,930 Hey, I've been driving drunk since I was 12. 168 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,853 But first, who's going to help me pee? 169 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,733 They're looking at me 'cause I have the key to the stocks. 170 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,736 (WAVES CRASHING) 171 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,030 (GRUNTS) 172 00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,607 Don't worry, Marge. 173 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,239 I'll see to it you fundamentalist Christians 174 00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:27,198 live to take over all America by the 21st century. 175 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:35,373 Look! An albatross. It can lead us to safety. 176 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,755 Man, that bird did it all. 177 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,211 Good guy. 178 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,884 (CHUCKLES) I just thought of a name for where we're going. 179 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,344 New England. 180 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,721 Oh, that's real creative. 181 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,977 What do you call your foot, "new hand"? 182 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:51,145 At least I'm pitching. 183 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,019 (KISSING) 184 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:54,437 Land, ho! 185 00:07:54,766 --> 00:07:55,892 What did you call me? 186 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,899 (MOANING) 187 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,824 Great chief Wig-Gum, we could never have survived 188 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,742 our first year in the new world without you. 189 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,448 I almost regret what we Europeans are going to do to you. 190 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,660 What, what are you going to do? 191 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,077 Oh, give you the biggest slice of pumpkin pie. 192 00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,129 Also we're going to take your land and wipe you out. 193 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,922 Who wants whipped topping? 194 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,515 Here's your bill. And will there be anything else? 195 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,680 We haven't gotten our food yet. 196 00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,220 I'll look into it. 197 00:08:32,303 --> 00:08:33,555 OLD SEA CAPTAIN: What the... 198 00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:34,977 (CHUCKLES) 199 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,438 Who else has a story? I do. 200 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,436 Homer, you can tell the third story. 201 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,942 Bart will tell the second, which is usually the weakest. 202 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,023 Hey! 203 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,908 I'm just trying to take the pressure off of you. 204 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:49,371 Well, one time I read this boring comic book 205 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,448 about a ship called the Bounty. 206 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,704 Ooh, like the paper towels. 207 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,206 Go on. 208 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,084 BOY: Hurry up. 209 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,051 Captain Bligh, there's a message from admiral Nelson. 210 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,222 Thank you, Mr. Christian. 211 00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:10,888 Mmm-hmm. 212 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:15,272 "Bligh eats dolphin boogers." 213 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,519 NELSON: Ha-ha! 214 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,725 Well, when you eat as much dolphin as I do 215 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,731 there's bound to be a booger or two in the mix. 216 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,281 Good morning, crew. 217 00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,779 Welcome to day 718 of our voyage. 218 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,073 Today's announcements. 219 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,246 First of all, in an effort to save water, 220 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,369 you will no longer be given any water. 221 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,910 And because of a drawing of myself 222 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,834 having romantic congress with a merman... 223 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,090 (CHILDREN LAUGHING) 224 00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,343 CAPTAIN BLIGH: I am dumping all your mail from home into the sea. 225 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,837 (GRUNTS) 226 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,590 And I can assure you there were cookies in there. 227 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:51,640 Good cookies. 228 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,845 The kind only a loving mother or Milhouse's father could make. 229 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,771 My father's alive? 230 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:57,938 No, he died while baking. 231 00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,186 It's all in the letter. 232 00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:01,609 (ALL GRUMBLING) 233 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,688 I'm getting pretty tired of that seawad. 234 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,115 This is nothing like the recruiting brochure. 235 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:08,734 Hmm. Hmm. 236 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,487 Maybe that's what happens on the last day. 237 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,368 I warn you, Captain. 238 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,247 Push this crew too far and there'll be mutiny. 239 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:21,129 Mutiny? On the Bounty? (CHUCKLES) 240 00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,623 What have you been smoking? 241 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,002 Opium. Besides that. 242 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,180 Welcome to our tropical paradise. 243 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,763 Enjoy our luaus, our lagoons, and our ladies. 244 00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:41,896 And remember, what happens in Tahiti stays in Tahiti. 245 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,733 Because we have no way of communicating with the outside world. 246 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,654 Tell me, has Robert Fulton invented the steamboat yet? 247 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:50,858 Any day now. 248 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,360 Ooh. 249 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:54,742 Hip, hip 250 00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:58,700 Hip, hip 251 00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:02,871 Hip, hip 252 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,885 When you're on a holiday 253 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:12,131 You can't find the words to say 254 00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,849 I'm telling you, I don't look like that. 255 00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:16,058 Make another. 256 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,102 (SIGHS) Yes, Lord Ugly-face. 257 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,605 And I wanna feel it too 258 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,938 Don't just sit there, help me! 259 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,027 We'll be playing and having fun 260 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,696 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thanks for staying with us. 261 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,361 We appreciate you putting cloth over our women's boobies. 262 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,947 You'll receive an updated bill after you leave. Bye-bye. 263 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,281 I wish we were back in Tahiti. 264 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,833 Why, yes, it was truly an unforgettable vacation. 265 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,202 I order you to forget it. 266 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,411 (ALL GRUMBLING) 267 00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,124 And while you're working, I want to hear a sea chantey... 268 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:48,590 In a round. 269 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:53,464 (ALL SINGING) Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream 270 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,673 (GUNSHOT) Rounder! I hear edges! 271 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,763 Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. 272 00:11:58,343 --> 00:11:59,970 Ow! You're off-key. 273 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,935 (GROANS) Make that song your own. 274 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:06,484 You don't sound like you've ever been on a boat in your life. 275 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:08,152 (GUNS COOKING) 276 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:09,983 What the... 277 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,815 Captain, this is a mutiny. 278 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,282 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 279 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,948 Let's not be hasty here. 280 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,075 What if I introduce a suggestion box? 281 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,698 We have a suggestion box. 282 00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,913 You made it from the head of the last guy who had a suggestion. 283 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:26,420 Yeah, but... I... 284 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,842 I warned you there'd be mutiny. 285 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,385 Just start rowing, Willie. 286 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,052 And sing a round while you do. 287 00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,591 (SINGING) Row, row, row your boat gently 288 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:42,851 Row, row, merrily, merrily Bound the down gently down the... 289 00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,023 Merrily down the... 290 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,441 I cannot do it! 291 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:47,774 I'm only one man. 292 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,477 You'll sing or you'll mutiny. 293 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,822 And you're too much of a spineless coward for that. 294 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,610 Swim faster or I'll have you made into soup. 295 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,409 What are you going to do, go underwater? 296 00:13:00,571 --> 00:13:02,665 (LAUGHS) I'd like to see that. 297 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:03,866 Ahhh! 298 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,828 You call this deep? 299 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:12,045 This is your new captain saying, "Next stop, Tahiti." 300 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,797 (ALL CHEERING) 301 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,053 And we're going to remove all evidence of 302 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,850 the previous regime, starting with this stupid wheel. 303 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,013 (GRUNTS) 304 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,389 (SPLASHES) 305 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,387 Uh-oh. 306 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,181 Ahhh! 307 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,016 (ALL SCREAMING) 308 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,858 Well, I know you had your doubts, men, but there they are, 309 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,564 the most beautiful women in the world. 310 00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,407 (PENGUINS SCREECHING) 311 00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,613 Those are penguins. 312 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,913 Well, look at it this way. We're going to discover the North Pole. 313 00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,114 South Pole. 314 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,825 CHRISTIAN: Oh, boy, do I suck. 315 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:45,908 JIMBO: Yeah. 316 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:56,549 (SIGHS) I'm starting to think the Sea Captain isn't coming back. 317 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,512 He's out there playing basketball. 318 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,766 (GRUNTS) Arr. (LAUGHS) 319 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,593 In your face, Julio. 320 00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,764 I'll be fetching your food right away. 321 00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:09,599 Six more games. 322 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:13,527 Well, I guess we have time for my tale of moist adventure. 323 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:16,152 It takes place in a dark time for mankind 324 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,991 when madness and ignorance ruled. 325 00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,619 The 1970s. 326 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,198 Rock the boat Don't rock the boat, baby 327 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,499 Rock the boat Don't tip the boat over 328 00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,793 Rock the boat Don't rock the boat, baby 329 00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,501 Disco Stu has some troubling news. 330 00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:33,836 (INDISTINCT MURMURS) 331 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,584 The ship's doctor has reported an outbreak of... 332 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,469 Disco fever! 333 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,931 The only cure is to do a little dance, make a little love, 334 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,553 get down tonight. 335 00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:45,138 Wait a minute. What was the second one? 336 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,597 And now let's welcome the LeRoy Neiman of seamen, 337 00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:52,150 your captain, Montgomery Burns. 338 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,898 (APPLAUSE) 339 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,114 Ten-four, good buddy. 340 00:14:58,189 --> 00:14:59,862 I'm Chevy Chase and you're not. 341 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,739 Willy Stargell! 342 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,822 Yes, welcome to the maiden voyage of the Neptune, 343 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,957 the world's most unflippable luxury liner. 344 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,076 Help yourselves to some pineapple 345 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,332 upside-down cake and apple turnovers. 346 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,460 And you'll all be getting free hats, 347 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,550 so make sure to give us your cap size! 348 00:15:20,002 --> 00:15:23,347 What a fascinating cross-section of humanity. 349 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,758 You've got the lonely, but lovable loser... 350 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,267 Hello, Angels. 351 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,095 Your mission today involves going 352 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,146 undercover at a wet t-shirt contest. 353 00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:33,941 Just get you wet... (CHUCKLES) 354 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,319 Uh, maybe not so lovable. 355 00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,404 And you've got the elderly Jewish couple 356 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,356 making their first trip to Israel. 357 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:44,403 Our son, Shlomo is working on a kibbutz in Haifa. 358 00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,696 We're schlepping him some kreplach. 359 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,615 We're Jewish, all right! 360 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,833 What's our back story? What's our back story? 361 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,535 We're the band. And we're on! 362 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:59,884 (SINGING) I think we're heading for disaster 363 00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:04,343 And most of you will not be saved 364 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:09,810 Unless the captain is attentive 365 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:14,687 We'll all be crushed by a huge wave 366 00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:17,393 Mmm, I love the sea, Smithers. 367 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,196 No earthquakes, towering infernos, 368 00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,820 China syndromes, apple dumpling gangs... 369 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:23,900 (WAVES CRASHING) 370 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,779 (ALL SCREAMING) 371 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,246 (GRUNTS) 372 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,743 (GRUNTS) 373 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:37,046 (SCREAMS) My wig! I mean, my natural hair! 374 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,924 Mamma mia! What a time to be carrying the soup. 375 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,380 Whoa! 376 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,132 Cool! No gravity! 377 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,716 Oh, there it is. 378 00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,138 (SCREAMS) 379 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,769 Hey, you schmuck, get off of me! 380 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,141 Oh. 381 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,139 Goin' out with a sight gag. 382 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,315 Nice. 383 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:57,391 (GROANS) 384 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,897 (SCREAMING) 385 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,237 I got an idea. Climb into my mouth. 386 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:02,901 (WHIMPERS) 387 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:04,940 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) 388 00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,366 No! 389 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,696 Catch me, Flanders! 390 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,491 (SCREAMS) 391 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:16,335 Lord, with you watching over me, I shall feel no pain. 392 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:17,499 (SCREAMS) 393 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,164 (SIGHS) 394 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,046 Woo-hoo! It's almost New Year's! 395 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:24,923 (COUNTING) Ten, nine, eight... 396 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:28,381 Homer, the ship's upside down and hundreds of people are dead! 397 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,679 ...three, two, one... 398 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,975 Happy New Year! 399 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,262 (BLOWS) 400 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,977 My resolution is to be more fun. 401 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,651 Attention, everyone! I've spent the entire cruise 402 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,319 reading these maintenance brochures 403 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,071 because as a lonely single woman, 404 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,238 I've had nothing better to do. 405 00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,649 ALL: Aw. 406 00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,985 "Aw"s are cheap. I'm lookin' for some action. 407 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,657 (ALL WHISTLING) 408 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:52,701 I thought so. 409 00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,708 It says here we should head upwards towards the hull 410 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,998 before the ocean starts filling the ship. 411 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,000 Don't listen to her! She'll get us all killed! 412 00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:03,500 The safest thing to do is to resume our normal activities. 413 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,502 Now where is the rumba instructor? 414 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:08,838 Okay, so that's left, left, right. Come on, people! 415 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,383 (VOCALIZING) 416 00:18:17,138 --> 00:18:20,108 So, now which way do we go in this farkaktah flippity ship? 417 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,645 (GROWLS) 418 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,572 Homer, what should we do? 419 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,358 HOMER: Uh, give me a second. I'm in the bathroom. 420 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,988 What? I have great ass suction. 421 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:36,035 Now, how about a little privacy? 422 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,618 (KEYS JANGLING) My keys! 423 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:43,377 Whatever you do, don't look down. I mean up! 424 00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:46,509 (PANTING) I can't do this anymore. It's too confusing! 425 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:47,843 Ahhh! 426 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,087 Not that confusing. 427 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,306 This hatchway is jammed! 428 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:53,849 Move aside! 429 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,891 I'll use my Swiss Army Bone. 430 00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:00,230 (GRUNTS) 431 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,474 (METAL CREAKS) 432 00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:08,857 Okay, the engine room is just through this flooded area. 433 00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,862 Somebody has to take the rope, 434 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,158 swim through to the other side 435 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,158 and tie it off so we can use it as an underwater guideline. 436 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,244 Stand aside! 437 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,372 I shall perform the necessary heroics. Thank you. 438 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,003 You? Yes. 439 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,087 All I need is some inspirational music... 440 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,003 (CLICKS) 441 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,302 When she passed away 442 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,345 I cried and cried all day 443 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:35,345 Alone again Naturally 444 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:36,641 (SOBBING) 445 00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:39,061 All right, I can see this is all up to me. 446 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:40,645 (GRUNTS) 447 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:42,981 Swim, fatty! Swim! 448 00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:46,273 Oh, Homie! You did it. 449 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:52,738 (GASPS) 450 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,570 (INHALES DEEPLY) 451 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,749 Mmm. (GULPS) 452 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:03,710 (GRUNTS) 453 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,128 I've tied it off. 454 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,456 You're all going to make it. 455 00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:07,998 (GROANS) 456 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,292 Tell the world that I saved you all. 457 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,421 Don't tell me what to do. 458 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,053 (KNOCKING) 459 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,477 I hear knocking. We're saved! 460 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:21,762 (SCREAMS) 461 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:28,394 I don't know which pains me more. 462 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,646 The flame or the irony! 463 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:31,897 (GROANS) 464 00:20:32,106 --> 00:20:34,234 Can you believe it's the irony? 465 00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:43,744 Oh, my God, our boat is upside-down. (BELL CLANGS) 466 00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:51,334 You guys know the way to Tahiti? 467 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,044 Way to go, genius! 468 00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,630 You sailed into someone else's tale of the sea. 469 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,928 At least I'm not gay for skeleton Kearney. 470 00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,601 Our ribs got tangled 75 years ago. 471 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:01,768 That's not gay. 472 00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,517 CHRISTIAN: Right. You keep believing that. Ripped by jasonnguyen2606