1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:06,209
(SINGING) <i>The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:07,725
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,287
D'oh!

4
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,361
(EXCLAIMING)

5
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:12,680
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:18,203
ALL: Surprise!
(SCREAMING)
<b><font color="#0A7C32">Ripped By mstoll</font></b>

7
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,647
(INAUDIBLE)

8
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,244
Dad, taking the family
to opening night

9
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,607
is the nicest thing
you've ever done for us.

10
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:45,284
Or will ever do.

11
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,450
I can't wait to see
this re-imagining

12
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,921
of Itchy and Scratchy
by avant-garde director

13
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,411
Juliana Krellner.

14
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:56,610
Hey, it says here the book
was written by Tom Stoppard.

15
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,842
This isn't a book,
it's a play.

16
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,365
(LAUGHING)

17
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:07,886
BOOK.

18
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,968
(TRIBAL CHANTS)

19
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,008
All hail the king
of the cats.

20
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,929
(CHANTING CONTINUES)

21
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,203
(GASPS) They're coming
down the aisles.

22
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,601
What if they want
to interact with me?

23
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,725
Looking through my purse,
looking through my purse...

24
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,450
Keep walking, monkey.

25
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,284
Don't worry, Mom,
they all passed by.

26
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:34,361
(SIGHS)

27
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:35,805
(GIBBERING)

28
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:38,081
(CHUCKLING)

29
00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,441
(SINGING) <i>Itchy, Scratchy,
Itchy, Itchy, Scratchy</i>

30
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,091
<i>Itchy, Scratchy,
Itchy, Itchy, Scratchy</i>

31
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:51,688
<i>From the day you
are born in the alley</i>

32
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:56,171
<i>To the day
you are hit by a car</i>

33
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,402
<i>Itchy, Scratchy,
Itchy, Itchy, Scratchy</i>

34
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,960
<i>There's cream to drink</i>

35
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,169
<i>And mice to eat</i>

36
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:08,290
<i>And great big balls of yam</i>

37
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,600
<i>Itchy, Scratchy,
Itchy, Itchy, Scratchy</i>

38
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,929
<i>It's the circle...</i>

39
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,968
<i>The circle of...</i>

40
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,121
Knife!

41
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,571
(LAUGHING)
(GROANING)

42
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,486
I love the use of
streamers as blood.

43
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,483
It robs the violence
of its power.

44
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,688
Whoo-hoo!
I'm drenched in blood!

45
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,685
(MUSIC PLAYING)

46
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:43,282
<i>I don't know why I trust him</i>

47
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:48,048
<i>I guess some cats
just never learn</i>

48
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,164
<i>I feel so good</i>

49
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,687
<i>When I have crushed him
(SOBBING)</i>

50
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:59,929
<i>Or left him mangled,
maimed and burned</i>

51
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,683
BOTH:
<i>I suppose it's symbiotic</i>

52
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,843
<i>And perhaps a bit erotic</i>

53
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,685
<i>'Cause pain is
my narcotic</i>

54
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,364
You really liked it?

55
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,885
Yes, I loved it.

56
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:18,763
<i>And that's why
we're always...</i>

57
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,888
<i>Fighting and biting</i>

58
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,365
<i>And dynamite igniting</i>

59
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,286
(EXPLOSION)

60
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:31,926
Check it out!

61
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,128
I'm Scratcher
or something!

62
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,571
(SINGING) <i>It's the circle...</i>

63
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,769
<i>The circle of knife</i>

64
00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:51,283
<i>Yes, the circle...</i>

65
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:58,882
<i>The circle of knives</i>

66
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:01,961
(APPLAUSE)
MAN: Bravo!

67
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,166
WOMAN: Genius!

68
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:04,761
Necessary!

69
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,842
I insist on seeing
the director.

70
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,244
Thank you,
thank you.

71
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,049
It's such a thrill
for me to be back

72
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,771
in my hometown,
Springfield.

73
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:23,083
She also graduated from
Springfield Elementary.

74
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,964
(GASPS)
Principal Skinner!

75
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:26,690
(CHUCKLES)
You know, Juliana,

76
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,206
it's no surprise you
became such a success.

77
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,442
You always got
straight A's in school.

78
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,205
Well, I remember getting
a "B" or two in math.

79
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:35,281
(CHUCKLES)

80
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,600
Well, of course
you did.

81
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:37,966
You are a girl.

82
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,286
(ALL GASP)

83
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,045
No. All... All I meant
was, from what I've seen,

84
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,885
boys are better
at math, science.

85
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,200
The real subjects.

86
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,004
There, that should
put the matter behind us.

87
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,081
(ALL GASP)

88
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,963
Calm down,
calm down.

89
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,328
I'm sure principal Skinner didn't
mean girls are inherently inferior.

90
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,683
No, of course not. I don't
know why girls are worse.

91
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,802
Uh, one thing we can
all agree on, though,

92
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,167
this little lady sure
looks pretty tonight.

93
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:04,691
Am I right?
(CROWD JEERING)

94
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,245
(GRUNTING)

95
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,843
(CROWD BOOING)

96
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,248
(CHANTING)
<i>Two, four, six, eight</i>

97
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,607
<i>Step the man
from teaching hate</i>

98
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,648
<i>Eight, six, four, two</i>

99
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,961
<i>We do math as good as you</i>

100
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,326
<i>One, two...</i>

101
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,244
Skinner! You've got to
deal with these kooks.

102
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,209
Don't worry,
I have a plan.

103
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,329
Pretend I agree
with them.

104
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,767
Well, you'd better hurry. Look
what they've done to your car.

105
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,604
No, that's how
it always looks.

106
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:35,011
Oh, how sad.

107
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,889
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

108
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,561
Today, we celebrate
the first of many,

109
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,610
many, many,
many diversity forums.

110
00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:49,005
Why is it that women “appear“
to be worse at math than men?

111
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,208
What is the source
of this “illusion?

112
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:54,443
Or as I call it,
the biggest lie ever told?

113
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,284
You're a worse
version of Hitler!

114
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:57,805
Please believe me,
I...

115
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,486
I understand the
problems of women.

116
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,886
See?
(ALL GASP)

117
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,531
Ha-ha! The principal's
a tranny.

118
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,251
Am I wearing
women's clothes?

119
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,810
I didn't notice.

120
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:13,807
When I look in my closet, I don't
see male clothes or female clothes.

121
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,405
They're all the same.

122
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,602
Are you saying that men
and women are identical?

123
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,048
Oh, no, of course not! Women
are unique in every way.

124
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,487
Now he's saying women
and men aren't equal.

125
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,285
No, no, no.

126
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:28,603
It's the differences,
of which there are none,

127
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,604
that make the
sameness exceptional.

128
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,489
Just tell me what to say.

129
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,285
(HYPERVENTILATING)

130
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,721
Oh, dear.
Um, attention, students.

131
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:42,043
Due to nervous exhaustion and
diarrhea of the mouth...

132
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,361
(ALL LAUGHING)

133
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,643
Yes, yes, yes,
I said "diarrhea."

134
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,127
Principal Skinner
is going to be replaced

135
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,488
by women's educational
expert, Melanie Upfoot.

136
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,166
Children, meet your
new principal.

137
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:55,810
(ALL GASP)

138
00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,766
For too long,

139
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:02,447
there's been an
anti-woman bias in math.

140
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,602
Boys are aggressive,
obnoxious,

141
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,091
and never let us
be heard.

142
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,130
From now on, I am splitting
the school in two,

143
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,766
separating the boys
and the girls forever.

144
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:12,841
(ALL GASP)

145
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,445
You heard
your principal.

146
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,841
Girls on the left,
boys on the right.

147
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,249
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

148
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,167
This rocks!

149
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,130
No more stupid girl classes,
like ballroom dancing.

150
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,204
Oh, no, that's still
mandatory for everybody.

151
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,327
Willie?

152
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,530
(MUSIC PLAYING)

153
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,849
Now, this is why
I got into education.

154
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,082
They're going to divide
the school in two?

155
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,328
Yeah, one for boys
and one for girls.

156
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,130
It is going
to be awesome!

157
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,483
Now I can walk down the hall with Bart Jr.
hanging out.

158
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,925
Isn't that right,
Bart Jr.?

159
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,731
(CROAKING)

160
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:01,123
All this hoo-haw about
girls and math is silly.

161
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,204
Women are as smart
as men.

162
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,121
Why, a woman invented
Liquid Paper.

163
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,168
Well, do you know
what a man invented?

164
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,651
Actual paper.

165
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,326
Well, a woman also invented
the windshield wiper.

166
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,166
Which goes great with another
male invention, the car.

167
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:18,080
Um...

168
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,970
(STAMMERING) I think a woman
came up with nylon stockings.

169
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,606
I mean, probably.
We certainly use them.

170
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,762
Let's see, men also
have rocket ships,

171
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,684
suspension bridges,
constitutional government,

172
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,762
snow shoes,
brass knuckles...

173
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:31,966
(GROWLING)

174
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,441
...pinball machines,
the Renaissance...

175
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,924
Oh, why did women invent
sleeping on the couch?

176
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:40,920
(BRAKES SCREECH)

177
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,367
Girls' entrance.

178
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,126
Have an empowering day, my
pony-loving leaders of tomorrow.

179
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,931
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

180
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:55,889
All right, I'm going to open
this cage, but no biting!

181
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,564
You're not the boss
of my teeth!

182
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,051
(GASPS)
It's so beautiful!

183
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,165
Ooh! Paintings
by female artists!

184
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,409
(GASPS) Frida Kahlo,
Georgia O'Keefe...

185
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,161
(GASPS)
Cathy Guisewite!

186
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:23,890
Now that the boys and their
atmosphere of intimidation are gone,

187
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,924
we can finally breathe.
Breathe, ladies.

188
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,401
(ALL BREATHE DEEPLY)

189
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,084
Now, let's buckle down
and do some math.

190
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,207
Yes!

191
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,051
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

192
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,487
How do numbers
make you feel?

193
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,487
What does a plus
sign smell like?

194
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,884
Is the number seven odd,
or just different?

195
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,244
Are we going to do any
actual math problems?

196
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,685
"Problems"?
(SCOFFS)

197
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,245
That's how men
see math,

198
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,569
something to be attacked,
to be "figured out."

199
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,005
But, isn't it?

200
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,482
I mean, confidence building
cant replace real learning.

201
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:00,971
Uh-oh, Lisa.

202
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:05,290
Sounds like you're trying to
derail our self-esteem engine.

203
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,203
Let's sing it
back on the tracks!

204
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,483
(SINGING) <i>The best thing
I can ever be</i>

205
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:13,848
<i>ls to be okay with me</i>

206
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,081
ALL: Me!

207
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,446
(QUACKING)

208
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,363
Okay, boys' school,
I need a challenge.

209
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:32,925
(GROWLING)

210
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,809
A mental challenge.

211
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,491
(LOW GROWL)

212
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:43,767
Ugh!

213
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,650
Now, boys,
who can tell me

214
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,246
the volume of this snowman?
Anyone?

215
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,561
Just add the volume
of the spheres.

216
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,843
We know the radii.

217
00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,327
He forgot the volume
of the carrot nose,

218
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,402
one-third base
times height.

219
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,921
Oh, math,
I have missed you!

220
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,003
SEYMOUR:
No girls allowed!

221
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,686
Principal Skinner?

222
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,250
It's Groundskeeper
Skinner now.

223
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,011
Assistant Groundskeeper,
you puke!

224
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,605
Assistant
Groundskeeper Skinner,

225
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:14,886
don't you think
it's wrong

226
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,964
that I can't get the best math
education because I'm a girl?

227
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:20,686
(SIGHS) I don't have
any opinions anymore.

228
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,842
All I know is that no one
is better than anyone else,

229
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,285
and everyone is
the best at everything.

230
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,130
Not you.
You're the worst!

231
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,528
Now get poisoning
those squirrels.

232
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,011
(CHEEPING)

233
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:33,965
(EXCLAIMING)

234
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:35,840
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

235
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,160
Please, be reasonable.

236
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,765
(STAMMERING)
I'm sure we can...

237
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:40,126
(GAGGING)

238
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,849
Mom, the girls' school
is a joke,

239
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,048
and I'm not allowed
to take the boys' math.

240
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:49,569
When I was in school,
I loved math. until...

241
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,043
Hey, Professor
Von Hubba-hubba!

242
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,726
Want to hop in my dune bug
and erode some beach?

243
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:01,283
Oh, I'd love to, but I've got
my Calculus final tomorrow.

244
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,441
Come on, baby.

245
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,649
The only math you need is
you plus me equals forever.

246
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,564
Oh, Homie!

247
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,651
(TIRES SCREECHING)

248
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,843
Since then, I haven't been
able lo do any of the calculus

249
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,247
I've encountered
in my daily life,

250
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,527
but that's not going
to happen to you.

251
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,809
Well, what can I do? They won't
let me in the boys' school.

252
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,765
Yes, unless...

253
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,642
There. You're the
perfect little he-she.

254
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,047
Mom, I don't think
this will fool anybody.

255
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,407
Hey, who's the rude dude
with the attitude?

256
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,608
He's one of Bart's friends.
Mmm-hmm.

257
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,768
You seem cool.
Want to catch a movie?

258
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,127
You never take our kids
to the movies.

259
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,369
Let's not fight in front
of my cool new friend.

260
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,051
(BOTH GRUNTING)

261
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,041
Ow!

262
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,121
What are you playing?

263
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,361
Punch for a punch.

264
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,931
(BOTH GRUNTING)
BOTH: Ow!

265
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,485
So, what's your name,
newbie?

266
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,409
I'm, uh... Jake.

267
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,084
That's your Christian name.

268
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:13,321
What's your surname?

269
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,051
Uh... Boy-man...

270
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,168
Boyman.
Jake Boyman.

271
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:19,765
You have toilet paper
on your shoe.

272
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,645
(CHUCKLES EMBARRASSEDLY)

273
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,404
Yeah, I guess I do.

274
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:24,800
I'm going to
call you Toilet.

275
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,690
My name isn't Toilet.
It's Jake.

276
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,768
Hey, a talking toilet!

277
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,325
(LAUGHING)

278
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,568
ALL: (CHANTING)
Toilet! Toilet!

279
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,646
Class, settle down. We
have a new student today.

280
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,004
His name
is Jake Boyman.

281
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,890
He likes the <i>Hardy</i> Boys,
boy scouts,

282
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:45,760
boy bands, Chef Boyardee,
and he is a boy.

283
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,401
What are you drawing?

284
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,881
A robot with guns
for arms shooting

285
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,770
a plane made out of guns
that fires guns.

286
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,646
LISA: Mmm.

287
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,763
MISTER PEIRCE: Everyone take
out your math books, come on.

288
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,604
Now, how many different
numbers can Y be?

289
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,365
That's easy, just one.
The number five.

290
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:07,441
Wrong.

291
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:10,040
(GASPS) There are two
possible solutions,

292
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,128
five and negative five.

293
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,042
LISA: <i>Oh, my God,
I was wrong!</i>

294
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,282
<i>And by being corrected,
I learned!</i>

295
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:21,364
<i>And no one cared about my feelings!</i>
(CHUCKLES)

296
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,809
Psst! I drew a picture of
you being shot by a gun.

297
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,281
Ha-ha!

298
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:27,801
Mmm.

299
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,485
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

300
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,009
Hey, Toilet.
(LAUGHING)

301
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:39,571
Just kidding, bro.

302
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,847
They used to razz me
when I was new here.

303
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,206
It'll pass.

304
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,170
Hey, Mildew. Do you
like tongue twisters?

305
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,441
Boy, do I!

306
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,204
(GROANS)
I'm sorry.

307
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:50,566
Do you want
a jawbreaker?

308
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:51,721
Boy, do I!

309
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:52,801
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)

310
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,444
So do you miss having
the girls around?

311
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,567
No.

312
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,649
Girls never really got me.

313
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,165
Did you know
Lisa Simpson?

314
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:01,844
I heard
she was pretty cool.

315
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,087
Lisa?

316
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:05,083
Oh, yeah,
we totally had a thing,

317
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,242
but I had
to break it off.

318
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,561
What the hell are
you talking about?

319
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:10,926
She got too clingy.

320
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,241
Milhouse doesn't do clingy.

321
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,321
I have to go.

322
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,003
That was my eating food!

323
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,451
(WHIMPERS)

324
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,366
ALL: (CHANTING)
Fight! Fight! Fight!

325
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:27,006
LISA: <i>Okay, I can talk
my way out of this.</i>

326
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,601
Nelson, you're not
really angry at me.

327
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,524
You're full of rage 'cause
your father abandoned you.

328
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,049
(GRUNTING) And
because you're poor,

329
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,322
so you don't feel like
you're good enough.

330
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,290
You just want somebody
to say, "I love you."

331
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,080
I love you.

332
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,051
I love you, too, Nelson.

333
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,168
I love you, Jimbo.

334
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,481
Hey, every joke has
a kernel of truth!

335
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:51,561
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)

336
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:56,361
Eep!

337
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,321
(LAUGHING)

338
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,811
Hey, Lis, you missed it.

339
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,564
While you were
at girls' school,

340
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,881
Nelson totally whaled
on this dork.

341
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,610
(LAUGHING)

342
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,330
(LISA SOBBING)

343
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,211
Oh, my God.

344
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:15,521
That's right.

345
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,571
I'm Toilet.

346
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,126
(LAUGHING)

347
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:20,366
Toilet.

348
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,570
So, did you tell Mom
you got beat up?

349
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:25,641
Not yet.

350
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,122
If I do, she'll never let me go
to the boys' math class again.

351
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,490
Hey, no one with a choice
should ever have to be a girl.

352
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,210
I'll teach you
how to be a boy.

353
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,603
You'd do that for me?
That is so sweet.

354
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,563
You're a boy,
nothing is sweet.

355
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:41,641
Ow!

356
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,250
That hurt.
Sweet.

357
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,525
BART: Now,
when you eat like a boy,

358
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,171
only two french fries in five
should make it into your mouth.

359
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,925
(CHOMPING)

360
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,287
lf they fall on the floor,
you want 'em more.

361
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:55,090
Because then they come
with extra toppings.

362
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,211
(GAGS)
I'm gonna be sick.

363
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:01,921
Awesome!

364
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,530
Do it in that guy's bag
while he's not looking.

365
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:04,687
I am looking,

366
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,445
and don't start a puke war
that you cannot finish.

367
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,607
Good night.

368
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:12,561
So, do you want to
Wang Chung tonight?

369
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,721
I don't know.

370
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,404
I'm still frowny
with you.

371
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,291
Do you really think women
are mentally inferior?

372
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,890
Well, uh, honey, you're
just as smart as a man.

373
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:24,405
Sometimes when
I'm with you,

374
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,648
I feel like I'm doing it
with a dude.

375
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:27,881
(growls)

376
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,081
Oh.

377
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,685
Well, I won't be lonely.

378
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:32,649
I can always cuddle
with the dog.

379
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,721
Mmm.

380
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,247
At least everyone knows
I'm smarter than you.

381
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,243
Oh, how did this happen?

382
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,371
Ah, now I've been every
ball on the playground!

383
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,441
(GRUNTING)

384
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,010
(SCREAMING)

385
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,563
(ALL LAUGHING)
Now, for your final test.

386
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,325
To fully become a man,
you must pick a fight

387
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,323
with someone
weaker than you.

388
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,567
LISA: <i>A fight?</i>

389
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,883
<i>That would mean rejecting the
last part of me that's aim a girl.</i>

390
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,521
<i>Do it, Lisa!</i>

391
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,803
<i>You'll be greater than
or equal to boys.</i>

392
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,087
<i>Even though
you're only eight,</i>

393
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,482
<i>your possibilities
are infinite.</i>

394
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,367
<i>Twenty-seven!</i>

395
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,370
LISA: <i>Okay, I'll do it.
But whom should I beat up?</i>

396
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,764
These dots are itchy.

397
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,807
(SIGHS) Fine,
I'll beat up Ralph.

398
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,929
Uh, give me
your lunch money.

399
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,126
Okay!

400
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,527
Um... Uh...

401
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,647
I guess I'm gonna have
to get this party started.

402
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,321
(GRUNTING)

403
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,050
Fight! Fight! Fight!

404
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,922
Forgive me for this.
Okay!

405
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:38,885
(GRUNTS)
(SOBBING)

406
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,809
You just beat up the most
harmless kid in school.

407
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,370
Well done!

408
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:48,720
(INDISTINCT PRAISE)

409
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,970
Hey, Toilet, want to play guns?
Sure!

410
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:54,565
(IMITATING FIRING)

411
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,691
Pyew! Pyew!

412
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,681
(SINGING) <i>I know
what boys like</i>

413
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,922
<i>I know what guys want</i>

414
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,241
<i>I know what boys like</i>

415
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,846
<i>I know what's on their minds</i>

416
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,325
<i>Sucker</i>

417
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,800
And the award for
outstanding achievement

418
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,247
in the field of
mathematics goes to...

419
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:20,851
Jake Boyman!

420
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,323
ALL: (CHANTING)
Toilet! Toilet! Toilet!

421
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,568
Toilet! Toilet!

422
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,763
Thank you. Or should
I say thank you!

423
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,001
(ALL GASP)

424
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,082
Toilet is Lisa?

425
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,525
We've been Yentl'd!

426
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:35,681
That's right,
everyone.

427
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,048
The best math student
in the whole school is a girl!

428
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:40,121
Wait a minute!

429
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,362
Do you know why
you did good at math?

430
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:43,441
"Did well."

431
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:44,885
Give it a rest, Melanie.

432
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,281
Calling me by my first
name is harassment.

433
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,921
Well, in for a penny,
in for a pound.

434
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,770
(MOANING)

435
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,562
Oh, Superintendent!

436
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,929
The only reason Lisa won is because
she learned to think like a boy!

437
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,766
I turned her into a burping,
farting, bullying, math machine!

438
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:03,966
That's a lie!

439
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,804
Ow!

440
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:09,363
I got hit by boy Lisa
and girl Lisa!

441
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,201
Mmm...

442
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,282
(GASPS)
What have I become?

443
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,088
I always thought
that boys had it easier.

444
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,481
But now I see their world
is more cruel

445
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,722
and sadistic than
lever imagined.

446
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,001
(BOYS CHEERING)

447
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,481
Chair fight!

448
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,846
(ALL GRUNTING)

449
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,084
And I did get
better at math,

450
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,209
but it was only by abandoning
everything I believed in.

451
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,927
I guess the real reason we don't see
many women in math and science is...

452
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,365
Would you
hurry it up, please?

453
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,011
You're cutting into the
award for best flutist!

454
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,322
Well, whatever
the answer is,

455
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,121
I'm glad I'm a girl, and
I'm glad I'm good at math.

456
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,409
Now enjoy
your stupid flutist.

457
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,445
(PLAYING FLUTE)

458
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:58,560
(SINGING) <i>And the sandcastle
virtues Are all swept away</i>

459
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:03,362
<i>In the tidal destruction
the moral melee</i>

460
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,601
(GROANS)

461
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,565
(MUSIC PLAYING)

462
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:15,571
<i>The elastic retreat
rings the close of play</i>

463
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:23,050
<i>As the last wave uncovers
the newfangled way</i>

464
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:29,283
<i>But your new shoes
are worn at the heels</i>

465
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:33,684
<i>And your suntan
does rapidly peel</i>

466
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:39,244
<i>And your wise men
don't know how it feels</i>

467
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:47,691
<i>To be thick as a brick</i>
<b><font color="#0A7C32">Ripped By mstoll</font></b>