﻿1
00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:05,250
(SINGING) <i>The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:21,087
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
<b><font color="#0A7C32">Ripped By mstoll</font></b>

3
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:24,761
(HORN BELLOWING)

4
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(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)

5
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,361
(TIRES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:47,801
D'oh!

7
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,081
(EXCLAIMING)

8
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:50,161
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

9
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:52,681
(SCREAMING)

10
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,844
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

11
00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,201
(GROANS)

12
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(BOTH SCREAMING)

13
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,005
(WHIMPERING)

14
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:06,561
Uh...

15
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,130
(BEEPING)
(SCREAMS)

16
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:12,641
(BOTTLE SHATTERS)

17
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,361
(GRUNTS)

18
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:20,801
(PANTING)

19
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,286
(SIGHS)

20
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:28,921
Hmm?

21
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,161
(SCREAMS)

22
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,084
NARRATOR: <i>We now
return to Hunch.</i>

23
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:46,161
<i>There's your murderer.</i>

24
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,922
<i>Are you sure, Hunch?
How do you know?</i>

25
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,130
<i>Uh? Something about his
hair. I don't know.</i>

26
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,441
<i>How did we miss
that? Get him!</i>

27
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:56,891
<i>Hey.
Come on.</i>

28
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,643
<i>Ah, you did it again, Hunch.
Let's go grab a bite.</i>

29
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,449
<i>You know what I'm
in the mood for?</i>

30
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,642
<i>Could it be turkey?</i>

31
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,610
<i>But how did you. .. Ah!</i>

32
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,887
It's amazing they've gotten
512 shows out of this premise.

33
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,486
Remember when we saw
Hunch's butt in the shower?

34
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,767
That was two seasons ago.

35
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,605
Now you can only
see butts on cable.

36
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,163
<i>This is Kent Brockman with
an Isotope baseball update.</i>

37
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,527
<i>The 'Topes are in first place
since the acquisition of</i>

38
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,489
<i>homerun king, Buck Mitchell.</i>

39
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,281
Uh!

40
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,926
<i>Thanks to him,
Springfield is once again</i>

41
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,520
<i>overrun with
fair-weather fans.</i>

42
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,411
The Isotopes are winning?
To the bandwagon!

43
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:49,530
Nothing beats a day at the
ballpark with my family.

44
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,728
Tickets! Tickets!
Who needs tickets!

45
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,201
Homer, we need
those tickets to get in.

46
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:58,808
Don't worry. I'll use the money I
make to buy tickets from a scalper.

47
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,527
And I'll sell those tickets
and we'll be rich. Rich!

48
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,809
We did it, baby!
We made it through the rain.

49
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,041
Tickets, $30, big game. Everybody
wants to see the game.

50
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,726
Oh, cop! Act like
you're in love with me.

51
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:15,961
(GROANS)

52
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,607
MAN: Peanuts! $5 peanuts!

53
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,326
You want to know
something, Bart?

54
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:22,726
Nah. I know enough.

55
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:27,442
I myself played in this
ballpark back in 1940-deuce.

56
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:31,201
That was during the war when
sushi was called liberty logs,

57
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,805
and no one had
ever heard of it.

58
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,130
But, Grampa, in 1942, they only
played women's baseball here.

59
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:42,047
Ha, ha. Let's just say one of the
ladies had some extra equipment.

60
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,169
<i>I was the center fielder
for the Springfield Floozies.</i>

61
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:52,165
<i>The pay wasn't much, but it kept
me out of the war for a year.</i>

62
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,329
Effie Lou is a man!

63
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,165
Get him. He could threaten
my record for lady triples.

64
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,765
That was a magical summer.

65
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:02,281
How'd I get here?

66
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,240
ANNOUNCER. <i>Now, to sing
our national anthem,</i>

67
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,681
<i>Payola recording artist,
Tabitha Vixx!</i>

68
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,003
MARGE: She's married
to Buck Mitchell.

69
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,243
I bet that's why she's here
tonight honoring America.

70
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:20,167
<i>Oh, say can you see</i>

71
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:26,049
<i>By the dawn's early light</i>

72
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,688
<i>And now here's something
from my new album.</i>

73
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:31,840
<i>I'm trouble-istic</i>

74
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,247
<i>Stay away, boy 'Cause
you know I'm trouble-istic</i>

75
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:37,526
<i>Think you can control me?</i>

76
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,608
<i>You ain't being realistic</i>

77
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,001
(GROANS)

78
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:50,767
MOE: Hey, Buck!

79
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:54,128
How does it feel knowing your
wife's turning on a creep like me?

80
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,690
Weird, I bet! Ha, ha!

81
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,722
<i>Trouble-istic girl
makes your troubulations grow</i>

82
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,521
<i>Double trouble-istic
when you try to tell me, "no"</i>

83
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:07,047
<i>Trouble, trouble
Oh, yeah</i>

84
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,889
<i>Trouble</i>

85
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:14,171
<i>And the home of the</i>

86
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,485
<i>Brave</i>

87
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,005
(CROWD CHEERING)

88
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:24,884
She just embarrassed me in front
of the entire Tornado Belt League.

89
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,369
Ahhh!

90
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,249
ANNOUNCER: <i>So next up for
the Cosmos, Freddy Alvarado.</i>

91
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,329
<i>Freddy,
of course, the older brother</i>

92
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,323
<i>of the famous Wolf
Boy of Juárez, Mexico.</i>

93
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:38,851
<i>Here's the pitch.</i>

94
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:40,761
(GASPING)

95
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,289
<i>And Buck Mitchell
can't find the handle.</i>

96
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,802
<i>That's an E3 if you're
keeping score at home.</i>

97
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,441
<i>And if you are,
your loneliness saddens me.</i>

98
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,204
It's okay, Buck.
Bad hop! Bad hop!

99
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,650
(CROWD CHEERS)
(CROWD GASPS)

100
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:56,687
Yank it off, Buck!

101
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,044
(CROWD CHEERS)
(CROWD GASPS)

102
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,121
You suck!

103
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,850
I concur!

104
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,684
Bart, hand me that
sack of batteries.

105
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,251
9-volt, double A,
D, D, D, cordless drill!

106
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,321
ANNOUNCER: <i>Job himself never
had a tougher day</i>

107
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,528
<i>at the ballpark
than Buck Mitchell.</i>

108
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:17,487
<i>He's made six errors, struck
out twice and swallowed a bee.</i>

109
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:18,961
(CROWD GASPS)

110
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,405
MAN: My fiancée!

111
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,448
(CROWD BOOS)

112
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,564
They're making a mockery out of
Amerisnet.com Troll Doll Night.

113
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,324
You know what to do, Duffman.

114
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,405
Oh, yeah. Time for the
Duff Triple-Malt Kiss-Cam!

115
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,721
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Duffman.

116
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,206
WOMAN: <i>And then he kissed me</i>

117
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,647
<i>And then he kissed me</i>

118
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,001
Look, it's a thing.

119
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,731
<i>Next time I saw him I couldn't
wait to see him again</i>

120
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:54,965
<i>I wanted to let him know...</i>

121
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,566
We both find public displays
of affection vulgar.

122
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,843
Come on, Doc. She's a fine-looking woman.
You don't want to work that?

123
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,844
<i>I didn't know just what to do</i>

124
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,524
<i>So, I whispered...</i>

125
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,649
Homer? Homer,
now we have to kiss.

126
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,048
The big TV is telling us to.

127
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,241
Look at that ugly old man.

128
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,486
That's you.

129
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,369
(WAILING)

130
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,490
Gimme a kiss, Homie!

131
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,371
Really? You'd kiss
an ugly old man like me?

132
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,329
Only if he'll kiss me back.

133
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,607
WOMAN: <i>And then he kissed me</i>

134
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:30,761
(CROWD CHEERING)

135
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,844
<i>And then he kissed me</i>

136
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,889
<i>And then he kissed me</i>

137
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:36,961
(CROWD CHEERING)

138
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,760
Yeah, Homer. Suck that face!

139
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,042
(LAUGHING) Remember when we
used to kiss like that, Carl?

140
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,044
With our
respective girlfriends.

141
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,168
Yeah. I wonder where
Jill and Kelly are now.

142
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,483
I heard Jill died. Kelly,
I think, is a prostitute.

143
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,521
Hmm.

144
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,601
What a game!

145
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:54,966
I got on the Kiss-Cam,

146
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,249
I participated in the wave
and I got to pee in a trough.

147
00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,641
Marge, can we
get a trough?

148
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,081
For the last time, no!

149
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,086
Ohhh, iced tea.

150
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,406
(GROANS)
(SLURPING)

151
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,481
HOMER: Mmm.

152
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,963
Hey, that was my iced tea. I
just sweetened it to my liking.

153
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,041
(DOORBELL RINGING)

154
00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,169
Oh, Buck Mitchell!

155
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,403
Ooh, the baseball-playing man.

156
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,211
I barely recognize you
without your costume on.

157
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,321
Evening, ma'am.

158
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:26,041
I couldn't help seeing you two
exchanging marital kisses tonight.

159
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,528
Yes, yes. The game you
played so horribly at.

160
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,650
Well, unfortunately,
my marriage ain't so good.

161
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:36,850
Oh! I never heard anything
about it on the gossip shows

162
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,766
or the blogosphere, or in my
supermarket checkout magazine.

163
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,281
(GROANS)

164
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,771
I was wondering if
you and the mister

165
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,291
could give us some
marriage counseling.

166
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,250
You know, in return,
I can give you season tickets.

167
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,369
Season tickets? I could
entertain business clients.

168
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,204
I might even land
the Henderson account.

169
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,807
Uh... Homer, can I see
you in the kitchen?

170
00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:58,881
Sure.

171
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,247
That means she wants
to talk in private.

172
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,288
It's probably about you.

173
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:08,202
Homie, I don't think
our marriage is so Jim Dandy,

174
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,123
that we should be
counseling others.

175
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,164
Hey, we've gone
through more hardships

176
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,362
than the Jews and Charlie
Brown put together.

177
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:18,570
Hmm. Well, we have
managed to squeeze

178
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,405
a lot of fun out
of married life.

179
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,240
Ha-ha. That's just how I feel.

180
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,401
Whoo-hoo!

181
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,521
See, that's what I want, carefree
intimacy with no edge of resentment.

182
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,809
Buck Mitchell!

183
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,484
Buck, I guess
we can help you out.

184
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,046
We'll start tomorrow.

185
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,884
Hey, Buck, Buck, Buck.
It's me.

186
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,764
The weird guy
from the stadium.

187
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,764
Uh, there were a lot of weird guys
at the stadium tonight.

188
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,842
You know, I remembered you.

189
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,802
Buck, Tabitha, welcome.

190
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,689
We'll start your first
marriage counseling session

191
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,529
as soon
as Homer gets here.

192
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,006
Sorry I'm late. I was just
gathering my counseling equipment.

193
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,601
(STRAINING)

194
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,281
(WATER RUNNING)

195
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,161
Meh.

196
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,841
Uh...

197
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,600
Now, let's remember
no one's right

198
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,530
and no one's
wrong till I say so.

199
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,969
Ha! I think what Homer
means is

200
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,328
why don't you tell us what each
of you feels is the problem?

201
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:30,404
Well, I'm an old-fashioned guy, you know.
And when we got hitched,

202
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,530
I just assumed she'd give up her
international recording career

203
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,807
to focus on my minor league
baseball dreams.

204
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,770
Wow, I think we've really
hit on something here.

205
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,923
Unfortunately,
we're out of time.

206
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,565
How does that
make you feel?

207
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,608
Shut up. My
10:00's here.

208
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:45,921
Ha, ha, ha.

209
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:47,491
Oh, Homer, please.

210
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,200
Uh... Let's see here.

211
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:51,281
Uh!

212
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,569
Here's something the book's
previous owner underlined.

213
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,849
"Be honest with your partner
about what you're feeling."

214
00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,571
I don't want to waste any more
time in a mismatched marriage.

215
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,041
Hmm.

216
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:06,250
"Try to frame criticisms of
your spouse in a positive way."

217
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,528
Well, I'm positively
sick of her

218
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,524
shaking her lady parts for
the whole world to eyeball.

219
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,160
Interesting. Interesting.

220
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:16,880
(PEN SQUEAKING)

221
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:21,090
Buck, you've got a beautiful
woman with a hot body

222
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,521
that any man
would fantasize about,

223
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,921
even while making
love to his own Marge.

224
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,168
Aw. Thank you, Homer.

225
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,444
Maybe we should stop here.

226
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:31,567
Good idea, honey.

227
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:34,325
Buck, would you mind signing a
couple of baseballs for my boy?

228
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,164
Uh. Yeah. Sure.

229
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,851
Just sign your name
above President Lincoln's.

230
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,409
Isn't it weird that our parents
are giving marital advice?

231
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:57,481
They're always fighting.

232
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,411
If you listen closely, you can
hear them arguing right now.

233
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:04,485
HOMER: And I say a monkey
can mow our lawn!

234
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,371
This house is spectacular!

235
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:14,011
You must've had
a great view of the riots.

236
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,605
I stole a rack of fur coats.

237
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,842
I sell one a year
to pay for Christmas.

238
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,050
You make me laugh, Homer.

239
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,565
Why? Because I'm fat?

240
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,165
Okay.

241
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:29,040
Tonight, we're gonna discuss little
ways to keep your romance alive,

242
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,884
make time
for each other,

243
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,726
an hour, an evening,
a mini-vacation.

244
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,162
Well, I am presenting
at the ESPY Awards next week.

245
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,290
And I'm receiving. Hey, we can
wait for our limos together.

246
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,290
Or, take the same limo!

247
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,566
BOTH: Ohhh!

248
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,171
(BOTH GROANING)

249
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,087
BUCK: Mmm. Oh, yeah.

250
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,846
Like I always say,
compromise is the key.

251
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,565
I always say that.

252
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,166
Let's compromise and
say nobody said it.

253
00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,241
Uh!

254
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:02,968
ANNOUNCER: <i>And here's
the pitch to Buck Mitchell.</i>

255
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,600
<i>It's going, going...</i>

256
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,242
<i>And like America 's credibility
on the world stage,</i>

257
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,891
<i>that ball is gone!</i>

258
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,487
Booyah!

259
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,929
<i>Buck Mitchell is back
and sluggier than ever!</i>

260
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,161
<i>With five
homeruns in two nights,</i>

261
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,163
<i>he's ended rumors
of early retirement</i>

262
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,163
<i>and inspired
rumors of steroid abuse!</i>

263
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:23,884
<i>But I've heard this turnaround</i>

264
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,169
<i>is due to the marriage counseling
of Marge and Homer Simpson,</i>

265
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,605
<i>seen in this file photo.</i>

266
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:29,806
Homer, I'm proud of you.

267
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,484
You've prolonged
this celebrity marriage

268
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,170
at least through
playoff season.

269
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,130
After that, who gives a hobo's crap?
Am I right?

270
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,562
<i>I'm a girl who loves a man</i>

271
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:52,881
<i>And we live in
sexy, marriage land</i>

272
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,842
<i>Sexy, marriage land</i>

273
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,331
<i>Oh, marriage</i>

274
00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,125
<i>Sexy marriage land</i>

275
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,844
Wow. I've got this sudden
urge to give her $5 bill.

276
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,604
That's it. We're
out of here.

277
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,681
Huh?

278
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,127
(CROWD CHEERING)

279
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,049
Hey, Tabitha, great show!

280
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,009
I liked that part where you
mentioned Springfield.

281
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,565
Did you know
that's where you are?

282
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,969
Hey, why don't you
stay and have a bite?

283
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,408
Ohhh, You're so hot.

284
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,206
If only I'd seen you
before I met my wife.

285
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,045
Oh, Homer, you're
sweet, but...

286
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,569
Oh, you're talking
to the chicken.

287
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,047
Don't tell
the hamburger in my car.

288
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:40,528
Listen, these shows
always tense me up.

289
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,809
While your fingers are greasy,
could you give me a neck rub?

290
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,531
Well, okay.

291
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,726
So, why didn't you marry one
of your crummy backup dancers?

292
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:53,004
Nah. They're day laborers. We pick
them up in the Home Depot parking lot.

293
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,129
Oh, yeah.

294
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,010
Ohhh! That's it, right there.

295
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:58,121
Ohhh!

296
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,567
Ohhh, yes! Yes. Yes.
It feels so good!

297
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,210
Ohhh, yeah.

298
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,281
Oh, yeah, baby.

299
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,647
TABITHA: Oh, Oh... Yes!
HOMER: (MOANING)

300
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,571
HOMER: Whoa! Thank God
I brought protection.

301
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,320
I used to be so
embarrassed buying these.

302
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,087
Homer Simpson? You're supposed
to be my marriage counselor!

303
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,924
I did workbook pages for you.

304
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:19,841
D'oh!

305
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,883
Oh, we're gonna have a lot to
talk about at your three o'clock.

306
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,525
There ain't gonna be
a three o'clock.

307
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:31,524
Cancellations
require 24 hours' notice.

308
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,601
Hmm.

309
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:41,840
And that's why Lou Gehrig was a
selfish crybaby who deserved to die.

310
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,084
Springfield,
let's hear from you.

311
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,560
MOE: <i>Uh, yeah.
I got a question.</i>

312
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,361
How come Buck Mitchell's game
is in the toilet, again?

313
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,922
Well, rumor has it
his marriage is failing

314
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,368
due to the inept counseling
of Homer and Marge Simpson.

315
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:59,049
Ugh. I knew it. I knew it! So,
do l win a Jock Squawk T-shirt?

316
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,201
Uh, no. Sorry.

317
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:01,727
It don't need
no writing on it.

318
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:02,881
It don't even
have to be clean.

319
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,121
Is this Moe?

320
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,043
What happened to that
bumper sticker we gave you?

321
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:07,730
Uh, it's holding in my hernia.

322
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:09,521
(STRAINING)

323
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,803
Dad, because you and Mom screwed
up Buck Mitchell's marriage,

324
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,883
some kids beat me
up at school today.

325
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,689
Yeah, they beat me up at work.

326
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,525
Look at the words
they wrote on my skull.

327
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,370
(GASPS) Oh, Papa.

328
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,290
I didn't want you to learn
that word this way.

329
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,200
Marge, we gotta get Buck
and Tabitha back together.

330
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,408
This is the most important
case of our careers.

331
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,446
Listen, bub. We are out of the
marriage counseling business.

332
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,170
And the only one
you should be giving

333
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,322
chicken grease
neck rubs to is me!

334
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,767
But not me, because I
think they're disgusting!

335
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,130
Oh! So, now we're judging each
other based on things we've done!

336
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,248
Real fair! Class act!

337
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,889
I'm going back to the stadium to
bring those two kids back together.

338
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,844
And I'll do it
with or without you.

339
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,241
Then I guess
you'll do it without me.

340
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,601
(WHIMPERING)

341
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,410
Oh, but I wanted to
do it with you!

342
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,642
Crossed arms mean no.

343
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,804
(STRAINING)

344
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:04,641
Ooh!

345
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,442
(STRAINING)

346
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:10,601
(EXHALES)

347
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:15,966
HOMER: (STRAINING)
MARGE: Mmmm-mmm.

348
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,001
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

349
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,881
Tabitha, what a coincidence!

350
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,850
I was just thinking
sad thoughts about you.

351
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,287
I came to tell you
I'm leaving Buck.

352
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,563
Uh? What? No! No!

353
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:40,324
What? Uh? No! Uh? What?

354
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,642
Buck and I don't
belong together.

355
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,325
Don't give up on Buck.

356
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,482
There must be
something about him

357
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,528
that attracted you
in the first place.

358
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,924
Well, yeah.

359
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,322
He was the first man who didn’t
just like me for my body.

360
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,641
He always complimented
me on my hair.

361
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,208
Ooh! Your standing lamp
is dirty, I'll polish it!

362
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,370
(MOANING)

363
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,561
Ohhh!

364
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,001
Cancel all my appointments.

365
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,651
Let's go.

366
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:15,691
ANNOUNCER: <i>So, here comes Buck Mitchell
in a spot every kid dreams of,</i>

367
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,849
<i>where a sacrifice fly
could lead</i>

368
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:21,561
<i>his minor league
team to a wildcard spot.</i>

369
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,449
(CROWD CHEERS)

370
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,283
<i>And there's the Duff blimp.</i>

371
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:32,129
<i>With a special message
from Tabitha to Buck.</i>

372
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,204
<i>Said Zeppelin has
a whole lotta love.</i>

373
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,088
It's working.
Buck's buying my fake message.

374
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,926
And you said it
would never work.

375
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,247
No. l said, "Duffman
will do what you want!

376
00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,841
"Stop kicking and
punching Duffman!"

377
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,525
I'm whacking
this for you, baby!

378
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:59,964
ANNOUNCER: <i>And he sends one
into the slug-o-sphere.</i>

379
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,327
<i>It going, going...</i>

380
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,010
(AIR HISSING)

381
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,402
My sister's friend!

382
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:14,481
(STRAINING)

383
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:22,970
Tabitha! Tabitha! Oh! This is
the worst blimp crash ever!

384
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,401
TOO SOON!

385
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:25,766
Where are ya, sweetie?

386
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,602
Uh... Uh... She was here a minute ago.
She must be pooping.

387
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,881
Hey, you're lying.
This whole stunt was a lie.

388
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,724
Get him.
He ruined mini bat day.

389
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,843
CROWD: Yeah! Get him!

390
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,490
<i>Leave him alone.</i>

391
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:42,087
<i>All he did was try to help a
young couple find their way.</i>

392
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,170
<i>Does he really deserve
to get strung up for that?</i>

393
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,568
(MOURNFUL ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

394
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,687
(CROWD LAUGHING)

395
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,000
Cut that out.

396
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,287
Duffman, gives
the people what they want!

397
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,925
Weren't you just
tied up in the blimp?

398
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,891
Three Duffmen
are working the game tonight.

399
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,203
Don't tell the children.
It's disillusioning!

400
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,963
Duffman! Duffman!
Duffman! Duffman!

401
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,488
<i>Marriage is hard work.</i>

402
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,766
<i>But it's worth it when you've got
someone wonderful like I do.</i>

403
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,689
CROWD: Aw!

404
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,928
<i>Buck, I love you, too,</i>

405
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,004
<i>and I'll take you back if you can
guess tonight's attendance.</i>

406
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,482
CROWD: D! C! A! B! A! A!

407
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,045
B! No, A!

408
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,650
Let's see, um...

409
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,166
B. No, no, no, A.
No, no. Oh, man, man!

410
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,683
<i>It's C, as in,
"keeping together. "</i>

411
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,082
<i>Which is what I want to do.</i>

412
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,769
Well, Homer, it looks like my
marriage is going into extra innings.

413
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,645
Great. But enough of
the baseball analogies.

414
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,524
They sicken me.
No problem.

415
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,649
Now, m'lady, your
carriage awaits.

416
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,242
Ah, ain't love grand, Tito?

417
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,563
Hey, man, I don't care! Bandits
just kidnapped my mother!

418
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:05,721
Just found out.
<b><font color="#0A7C32">Ripped By mstoll</font></b>

