1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,381
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:07,799
(tires screeching)

3
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:10,051
D'oh!

4
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:11,553
(screams)

5
00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:12,804
(tires screeching)

6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,976
(Marge shrieks)

7
00:00:22,897 --> 00:00:25,525
-(rapid gunfire)
-(whimpering, shrieking)

8
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:37,412
{\an8}(organ plays softly)

9
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,252
(sobbing, sniffling)

10
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,924
So, how did
Malt Liquor Mommy die?

11
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,052
Stop calling her that.

12
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,470
I'll tell you
how she died.

13
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,721
You know that sign that says

14
00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:56,222
"Do not stand up
on the roller coaster"?

15
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,892
-Yeah.
-She overdosed
right in front of it.

16
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,935
{\an8}Oh. Class all the way.

17
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,104
{\an8}Marge, could
you let it go?

18
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,522
{\an8}You won. She's dead.

19
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,482
{\an8}Mm-hmm.

20
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,275
{\an8}We are here
to mourn the tragic loss

21
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,904
{\an8}of Amber Pai Gow Simpson,
a gifted cocktail waitress

22
00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:14,699
{\an8}who hoped one day
to learn computers.

23
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,910
(chuckling)

24
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:20,914
{\an8}Amber said she wouldn't let
her eighth-grade education

25
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,458
{\an8}stop her from
achieving her dreams.

26
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,001
{\an8}And yet, it did.

27
00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:27,212
{\an8}Bart! Do you want

28
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:29,506
{\an8}to leave the funeral
early?! Do you?!

29
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,757
{\an8}Yes. Of course.

30
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,301
{\an8}<i>CARL:</i>
<i>"You were Homer's wife</i>

31
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,053
{\an8}for a two-day spurt

32
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,138
{\an8}Your name was Amber,
just like the alert..."

33
00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,474
{\an8}(paddleball caroms)

34
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:41,518
{\an8}MARGE:
Bart, put that away!

35
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,603
{\an8}Thanks a lot.
I lost my place.

36
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:46,356
{\an8}Um... Ah, here it is.
"The End."

37
00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,233
(scoffs)

38
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,277
(growling)

39
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,738
-Uh-oh.
-(glass crackling)

40
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:54,864
(choking)

41
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:55,782
(gasping)

42
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,826
{\an8}Everyone relax, huh?
I know the Heimlich.

43
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,452
{\an8}I learned it
a few years ago.

44
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,037
{\an8}It was 1997,

45
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,040
{\an8}and <i>Titanic </i>was proving
unsinkable at the box office...

46
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,708
(choking)

47
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,418
(loud choking)

48
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,878
Somebody do me!

49
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,131
(choking)

50
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,466
(grunting)

51
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,801
Whew!

52
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,344
(gasps)

53
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,055
(all choking)

54
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,851
(grunting, coughing)

55
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,188
(laughing)

56
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,150
Your son is
out of control!

57
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,026
You've raised
a savage beast!

58
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:34,279
Yeah! Put a leash
on him, lady!

59
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,196
Oh...

60
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,118
{\an8}First, let me assure you
that Bart's antics

61
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:42,745
{\an8}are perfectly normal
for a seven-year-old.

62
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,622
{\an8}Actually, he's ten.

63
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,374
{\an8}Oh, dear.
Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear.

64
00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:48,877
{\an8}Spare us your
medical mumbo jumbo.

65
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,211
{\an8}Just give us the pills.

66
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,922
{\an8}Clear-cut his brain
down to the nub.

67
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,591
{\an8}Mr. Simpson,
it would be easy for me

68
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,676
{\an8}to pour drugs
down your son's throat...

69
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,386
{\an8}Thank you,
Doctor. Marge?

70
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,972
{\an8}But for Bart,
I'm going to prescribe

71
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,891
{\an8}a more unorthodox treatment.

72
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:08,938
{\an8}Cymbals... snare...
high hat... tom-tom...

73
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,440
{\an8}sticks, mallet and brushes.

74
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:11,566
{\an8}This is a drum kit!

75
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:13,818
{\an8}Drumming demands energy
and concentration,

76
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:17,363
{\an8}one of which Bart has,
and one of which Bart needs.

77
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,326
{\an8}(skillful drum playing)

78
00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:24,579
{\an8}Homie, look.
He's enjoying it.

79
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:30,460
{\an8}(syncopated annoyed
grunts, D-oh's)

80
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:37,217
I've never seen
him happier.

81
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,595
(drumming to
"The Hardest Button to Button")

82
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:54,734
(drumming to song continues)

83
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:55,860
Whoa! Trippy!

84
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,288
(drumming to song continues)

85
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:11,125
♪ We started living
in an old house ♪

86
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:14,504
♪ My ma gave birth,
and we were checking it out ♪

87
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,382
♪ It was a baby boy
so we bought him a toy... ♪

88
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:19,259
(clattering, song stops)

89
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,928
Hey, kid, why don't
you watch where
you're drumming?!

90
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:24,555
Sorry, White Stripes.
No hard feelings?

91
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,391
Let's kick his ass!

92
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:30,520
(song resumes)

93
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:41,155
(drumming)

94
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,408
(screaming)

95
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:52,792
(skillful drumming)

96
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,671
Oh! Why couldn't
he give up this

97
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,881
like he gives up
everything else?

98
00:04:58,965 --> 00:04:59,841
I know!

99
00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:01,467
I'll use that
white-noise machine

100
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,428
I got you
when your father died.

101
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,138
(crashing waves)

102
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:09,392
(shouting):
Transport yourself to the shores
of Nova Scotia,

103
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:12,145
where cod and halibut
frolic in...!

104
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,564
He's just drumming louder!

105
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,983
So it's a noise war
he wants, huh?!

106
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:20,028
Then I'll throw in some
rush-hour traffic!

107
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,404
(screeching tires,
horns honking)

108
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:24,615
And a circus fire!

109
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,534
(people screaming
animals roaring)

110
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:29,996
(shouting):
Sleep tight, my angel!

111
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,289
Oh...

112
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:32,373
What?!

113
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,167
(shouting): Oh!

114
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,419
Oh! Let me know...

115
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:41,341
when and if
you want sex, honey!

116
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,009
(drumming, traffic,
animal noise continues)

117
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,803
(drumming continues)

118
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:53,019
Oh, he's gotta fall asleep
sometime, doesn't he?

119
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,021
(drumming)

120
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,898
(despairing moans)

121
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,691
You guys
need a break.

122
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,193
Why don't I take Bart with me

123
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:03,279
to the children's bebop brunch
at Jazzy Goodtime's?

124
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,781
Is it in
a safe neighborhood?

125
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,991
-(drumming louder)
-Just make it happen!

126
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,577
Boy, get dressed!

127
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,120
You're going
to a jazz brunch

128
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,581
as punishment for all
the racket you're making!

129
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,291
I thought you wanted me
to drum.

130
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,711
I'm sending you
mixed messages.

131
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,546
Now, get the hell
outta here.

132
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,092
I love you so much.

133
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:25,259
Damn you!

134
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,720
(blows kiss)

135
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,890
(playing jazz tune)

136
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,446
(applauding)

137
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,198
What it is, hepcats?

138
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,117
You want me to
scat-sing the menu?

139
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,368
Absolutely not.

140
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,453
Oh, God bless you, sir.

141
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,622
Hey, Bart, you want
to jam with me?

142
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:56,624
Okay. If you give
me your omelet.

143
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,085
Whoo-hoo!
I'm a professional musician!

144
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,423
(playing "Take Five")

145
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:14,475
♪♪

146
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,148
Not bad for
a newbie, Bart!

147
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,443
You just may be
the second-best
player up here.

148
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:27,238
In case you're wondering
who the best one is, it's me.

149
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:32,076
Ah! Crazy man, crazy!
Oh, yeah!

150
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,828
(rattling)

151
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,334
(indistinct talking)

152
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,252
(gasps)

153
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:42,879
<i>They're looking at me!</i>

154
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:46,215
<i>All right, Lisa, time to show</i>
<i>these jazz legends</i>

155
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,426
<i>how we swing in the suburbs.</i>

156
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:52,889
(wailing on sax)

157
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,640
That's a wrap, kids.

158
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,018
Now go have
some Jazzy Bread.

159
00:07:57,101 --> 00:08:00,480
(whispering):
That's bread that fell
on the floor.

160
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:01,439
-Mhmm.
-MAN: Excuse me.

161
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,523
Are you Lisa Simpson?

162
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:05,193
(gasps):
Yes, I am.

163
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:08,905
I'm, uh,
Defonzo "Skinny" Palmer.

164
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,866
This is Marcus
"Marbles" Le Marquez.

165
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,451
Pleased to meet you.

166
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,994
We were about
to play a quick set,

167
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:17,163
-and we were
wondering if you...
-Yes?

168
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:18,456
-Lisa Simpson...
-Yes?

169
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:20,416
-would do us the honor...
-Yes!

170
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,959
-of sitting in...
-(gasps)

171
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,212
<i>that </i>chair in the audience.

172
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,588
We wanna jam
with your brother.

173
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,798
(shocked gasp)

174
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:34,514
(playing upbeat jazzy tune)

175
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,532
♪♪

176
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,374
Look! Bart's onstage.

177
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:04,001
And he's contributing
to the entertainment!

178
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,294
(cheers, applause)

179
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,255
Yeah!

180
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:11,050
I was jamming
with Skinny Turner

181
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,385
and Marbles Le Marquez!

182
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,428
And they want me
to join their trio!

183
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,346
Whoo-hoo! What's next?

184
00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:17,431
A contract with
Groove-tone Records?

185
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,226
Take the G-train, baby.
Groove-tone!

186
00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:24,063
(grumbling):
Oh, I can't believe it.

187
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:25,731
Stupid brother...

188
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,276
Lisa, why aren't you
smiling with us?

189
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:31,904
'Cause <i>I've </i>wanted to jam with
jazz musicians all my life.

190
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:35,074
How would Bart like it if I
just hopped on his skateboard

191
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,993
and instantly became great?

192
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,205
Ah... whoa...

193
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,833
(yells)

194
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,212
Mild! Mild! Mild!
Mild! Mild!

195
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:52,174
(grunts)

196
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,509
(groans)

197
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,178
Lisa, you've got
to be more careful.

198
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,431
I need you to teach me
all about the world of juzz.

199
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:01,517
It's jazz! Jazz!

200
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,602
(sobbing)

201
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,062
You don't even know
the name of the thing

202
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,939
you are stealing from me.

203
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,774
(chuckles):
Bart, you're so steady

204
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,985
on those skins,
we're gonna call you "Tic Tock."

205
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:14,113
Oh-- <i>I </i>always
wanted a jazz nickname.

206
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,197
Fine.
We'll call you, uh...

207
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,407
Downbeat.

208
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:17,867
'Cause
you're bringin' us down.

209
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,537
(groans):
That is the most unfair...

210
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,747
Downbeat, Downbeat,
please.

211
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,165
We're shootin' the breeze
with Tic Tock.

212
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:27,960
Oh, man, I am so juzzed.

213
00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:35,343
Bart, a rising star like
you needs a manager,

214
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:36,427
and Gil's your guy!

215
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,971
Oh, I'm a jazz daddy
from way back.

216
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,223
With the skit-skat
skittily boom-de-boom,

217
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,516
and the ding-dong daddy...

218
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,810
Is that jazz?
That's jazz, right?

219
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,772
Cha-cha-cha
with the curly fries.

220
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:50,941
Hey!

221
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:53,694
Oh, son.

222
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:58,032
I like you more, now that
other people like you.

223
00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,493
It's mergatronic, Daddy-Ho.

224
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:02,161
Bart, does that
even mean anything?

225
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,246
Xavier Cugat!

226
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:07,583
(plays drum flourishes)

227
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,335
(crowd applauding)

228
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:15,049
Bossie, the music business would
chew you up and spit you out.

229
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:18,260
You just keep your eyes
on the prize, girl.

230
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,970
(chainsaws whirring)

231
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,347
(suspicious moo)

232
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,765
Mom, I'm gonna lose it.

233
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:25,518
Bart's on the cover of both
local jazz magazines:

234
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,937
{\an8}"Blowin'"
and "The Sugar Sheet".

235
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:31,107
Here's the only thing I've
been on the cover of.

236
00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:36,529
(sobbing)

237
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:39,615
Mm, look, uh, how 'bout
we go to the pound,

238
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,076
and get a puppy
just for you?

239
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:43,244
(stops sobbing)

240
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,871
That might work.

241
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,415
(dogs barking)

242
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,458
Oh, they're all so cute.

243
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,876
Yeah, you know
what's even cuter?

244
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,545
Picking one without
talking to me.

245
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,880
Well, I kind of like this guy.

246
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:57,466
(barks weakly)

247
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,344
(coughing)

248
00:12:00,428 --> 00:12:03,097
Oh, but this one is precious!

249
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,098
(panting)

250
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,558
(hacking)

251
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:07,435
(yipping playfully)

252
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:09,228
(hacking)

253
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:10,438
(yipping)

254
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,315
Okay, this little guy's
coming home with me.

255
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,402
Who's gonna get neutered
tomorrow?

256
00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,654
You are! Oh, yes you are.

257
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:22,825
(eerie tones playing)

258
00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:27,788
Lisa Simpson...
you doomed me.

259
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,582
(gasps):
I did? How?

260
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,500
By choosing the cuter puppy.

261
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,502
You picked looks over
personality,

262
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,087
youth over experience,

263
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,340
no history of rabies over
unknown rabies status.

264
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,342
And now I'm going to die.

265
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,802
I never wanted
that to happen!

266
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:45,055
(ghostly):
You suuuuuck! You suuuuuck!

267
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,932
(scratching)

268
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,560
Ah, thanks, sweetie.

269
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:51,479
You suuuuuck!

270
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:53,355
Well, if you want him,
you can have him.

271
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,651
And if you
get tired of him...

272
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,028
I won't get tired of him.

273
00:12:59,111 --> 00:12:59,904
It's just too bad

274
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:01,447
you can't take ol'
Smiley here.

275
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:02,907
(whimpers)

276
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,826
Yeah, he'll be in God's
Dumpster tomorrow.

277
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,245
I'll take him, too.

278
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:10,456
And I'm gonna put
ol' Henry here to sleep...

279
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,958
because he knows
my darkest secret:

280
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,419
I like putting
animals to sleep.

281
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:16,545
(sighs)

282
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,255
I'll take him, too.

283
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:22,176
("Little Green Bag" plays)

284
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,938
<i>♪ Yeah... ♪</i>

285
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:41,237
<i>♪ Lookin' back on the track</i>
<i>for a little green bag ♪</i>

286
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:45,699
<i>♪ Got to find just the kind</i>
<i>or losin' my mind ♪</i>

287
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:50,621
<i>♪ Out of sight in the night,</i>
<i>out of sight in the day ♪</i>

288
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:54,500
<i>♪ Lookin' back on the track,</i>
<i>gonna do it my way ♪</i>

289
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,419
(musical interlude plays)

290
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,559
(song fades)

291
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:12,977
Okay, guys.

292
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:16,355
No one knows you're here,
so be quiet.

293
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,690
And if you get hungry,

294
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:21,360
there are rats living in
the Christmas decorations.

295
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,444
{\an8}(squeaking)

296
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,075
And then today at lunch,

297
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:31,370
Lenny and I went to the park
and rented a rowboat.

298
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,705
Carl sketched us
from the bank.

299
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:34,164
Summer days...

300
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,877
(growling, shrieking,
trumpeting, barking)

301
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,086
What are
those noises?

302
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:41,046
They sounded
zoological.

303
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:45,718
(shrieking,
trumpeting, growling)

304
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:47,136
Shut up!

305
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,554
(gasps):
I just said "shut up."

306
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:51,307
I'll punish myself
by going upstairs.

307
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,895
Bart!
What are you doing here?

308
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,314
Uh... not smoking reefer.

309
00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,398
Uh, that's right.

310
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:01,191
We all not
smoking reefer.

311
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,405
(growling, yelling)

312
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,364
(screams)

313
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,074
No, Buttercup! No!

314
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,659
(yells):
My arm!

315
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,912
It hurts where
the tiger's biting it!

316
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:13,996
(gasps)

317
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,254
Bart, that was
a nasty bite you got.

318
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,966
You'll recover...
but you'll never drum again.

319
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:26,967
Says you.

320
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,511
(moans)

321
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,806
I was a great drummer,
and now I'm nothing,

322
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,350
just like Phil Collins.

323
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:35,893
I feel so terrible.

324
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,895
I just wanted
to save those animals

325
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:39,730
while Bart
became a drummer,

326
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:43,692
but I <i>never </i>thought the two
stories would intersect.

327
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,820
And what about <i>my </i>new job
as a Mexican wrestler?

328
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,239
Beware of Taco Belly. Whoo!

329
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,658
Eat your heart...

330
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:54,078
(gasps)
<i>No mas! No mas!</i>

331
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,413
(elephant trumpets)

332
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,169
Uh, yes, I would like a bird

333
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,964
because I'm often
lonely in the lab.

334
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,340
(moans)

335
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,800
Birds help.

336
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:09,885
See, Lisa.

337
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:10,719
We're making progress.

338
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:11,720
(gun cocking)

339
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,305
Drop the marsupial!

340
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:16,141
If those animals aren't gone
by midnight tomorrow,

341
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,644
Animal Control is
gonna round 'em all up.

342
00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:21,605
And kill 'em.

343
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:25,442
(engine struggling)

344
00:16:25,526 --> 00:16:26,527
(sighs)

345
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,946
Can I, uh, can I
borrow that ostrich?

346
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,030
Sure.

347
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,369
How cool is this?

348
00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:36,495
(laughs)

349
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:38,789
I guess that's it.

350
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:40,916
These animals
are all gonna die.

351
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,210
Not if I can
help it, Lisa.

352
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,420
Do you have an idea?

353
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:47,423
Uh, no. Sorry if it
sounded like I did.

354
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:48,590
(jazz playing)

355
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:53,804
Hey, guys,
great news.

356
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:56,181
I can drum again.

357
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:06,275
Sorry, Tic Tock.

358
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,986
Your tick is on...
but your tock is gone.

359
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:11,822
Well, I've got
a confession to make.

360
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:14,825
This right arm...
it's not mine.

361
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:15,909
Whose is it?

362
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,161
I don't know.

363
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,416
Tic Tock, maybe you
could get yourself

364
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:25,836
some of that sweet, sweet...
what do you call it?

365
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:27,087
Arthroscopic
micro-surgery

366
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:29,089
to reattach
the ulnar nerve?

367
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,382
Yeah, that's
the jingle.

368
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,052
The doctor <i>did </i>say
surgery might help,

369
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:35,929
but it costs $78,000.

370
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:36,972
Well, I bet we
could raise it

371
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,850
with a benefit
concert. Huh? Huh?

372
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:40,684
Outta sight!

373
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:41,518
In the pocket!

374
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,437
Groovay, groovay!

375
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,521
Now, you boys know

376
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:45,606
you don't have
the follow-through

377
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:46,732
to put something
like that together.

378
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,025
Somethin' like what together?

379
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,068
A benefit concert!

380
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,402
Benefit concert!?

381
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,570
Outta sight!

382
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:52,738
In the pocket!

383
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,115
Groovay, groovay!

384
00:17:56,325 --> 00:18:00,913
Oh, this benefit concert
is gonna be Scooby Dooby.

385
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,665
I'm very happy for you, Bart.

386
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:04,750
(sighs)

387
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,001
Why are you sad?

388
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,211
Thinking about your marriage?

389
00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:10,047
If we can't find
a home for those animals,

390
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,715
they'll be put to sleep.

391
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,842
Your sister's very upset.

392
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:16,011
Oh... I feel weird.

393
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,055
It's like a potato
chip full of shame,

394
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,681
going down
my throat sideways.

395
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,392
Honey, what you're feeling
is called "empathy."

396
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,603
Oh... now I'm gonna
learn a new word.

397
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,397
"Empathy" means
you're looking at Lisa

398
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,192
and feeling what she feels.

399
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,153
Your sister poured her heart
into rescuing those animals

400
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:36,907
to forget the pain of
being upstaged in jazz,

401
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,909
and now...

402
00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:41,120
(moaning)

403
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,454
How can I end this torture?!

404
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,165
You could do
something nice for Lisa.

405
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,042
(agonized moan)

406
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,043
You're my mother.

407
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,461
How can you say that?

408
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,505
(moaning)

409
00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:56,927
(drums playing)

410
00:18:57,010 --> 00:19:00,013
(playing jazz tune)

411
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,732
(cheering)

412
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:14,278
Hey, hey! We got more jazz
superstars on the way, folks!

413
00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:17,531
Gooey Martin, Willie Mimms,
Drop Jaws Turner,

414
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:21,201
Sketch Friendly, Tootsie
Childs, Sammy Biltmore,

415
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:25,247
No-Talent Jones,
Anwar Benitez, Bossy Marmalade,

416
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,499
Bad-Check Mazursky,
Ray-Ray Takamura,

417
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,711
Shaky Premise,
Bootsy Croutonne, Richard Sakai,

418
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:35,132
The Pre-Marital Sextet,
C.S.I. Miami, D.W. Jitters

419
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:37,301
The Chubb Group,
Cantaloupe St. Pierre,

420
00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:40,053
and many, many, more
funny names!

421
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,305
(laughs)

422
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,725
And it's all to fix
this very talented arm.

423
00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:45,559
Ow!

424
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:47,269
Oh, right,
the nerve damage.

425
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,437
Here's
the benefit money,

426
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,814
Now I'm gonna go vomit
to keep my weight down.

427
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,775
That's right.
That's how Krusty does it.

428
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:57,029
(feeble laugh)

429
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,366
I wanna thank everyone
for this special night.

430
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,785
Jazz folk may have
the smallest apartments,

431
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,163
but they also have
the biggest hearts.

432
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,248
(cheering)

433
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:12,127
But the biggest heart I know
is in my sister Lisa.

434
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,088
(audience gasps)

435
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:16,131
WOMAN:
What about me...

436
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,258
...Tootsie Childs?

437
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,426
Lis, you poured your heart

438
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:23,430
into rescuing society's most
vulnerable critters-- animals.

439
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,016
So I want all the money
we've raised tonight

440
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,184
to go to building...

441
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:29,686
The Lisa Simpson Home
for Abandoned Animals!

442
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:30,854
(gasping)

443
00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:40,739
Oh, Bart, thank you
so, so much!

444
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,159
(cheering)

445
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,911
You know
what we should do?

446
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,162
Hold a benefit concert.

447
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,830
Outta sight!

448
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:49,915
In the pocket!

449
00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:52,251
Groovay, groovay!

450
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,169
Hey, am I still married
to your sister?

451
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,671
Naw, she died.

452
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,799
♪♪

453
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:42,634
Shh!

454
00:21:46,221 --> 00:21:48,223
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem