1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,256 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:07,465 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,384 ♪♪ 4 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,593 D’oh! 5 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,428 (screams) 6 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:12,804 (tires screeching) 7 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,140 (children's music plays) 8 00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:21,229 ♪♪ 9 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,949 {\an8}Ah... nothing beats taking a family drive 10 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,909 with our new satellite radio. 11 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,619 {\an8}Which of the 25 easy-listening stations 12 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,121 {\an8}should we listen to? 13 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,998 I say "Cool Waves." 14 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,374 BART: "Neon Breeze!" 15 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,168 LISA: "Chill Thunder!" "Chill Thunder!" 16 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:45,587 {\an8}(chuckling): You’re all idiots. 17 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:49,132 {\an8}I’m putting it on "Chill Thunder Lite." 18 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,719 {\an8}Oh, now that’s smooth. 19 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,471 -(beeping) -Out of my way, 20 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,848 you seat belt-wearin’ cowards! 21 00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:59,350 {\an8}Hey! Nobody cuts me off! 22 00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:00,435 {\an8}(growling) 23 00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:02,937 Homer, no! 24 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,148 {\an8}Revenge never solves anything. 25 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,108 Then what’s America doing in Iraq? 26 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,860 {\an8}Well, let me tell you a story 27 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,278 {\an8}about a time revenge brought 28 00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:12,405 {\an8}only unhappiness and misery. 29 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,699 It happened many years ago in Paris. 30 00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:15,700 Texas? 31 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:18,369 No, France. 32 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:21,081 {\an8}MARGE: There was a happy young family. 33 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,751 Papa, may we have chocolat? 34 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,586 Papa, may we have petit fours? 35 00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:28,421 May we? May we? 36 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:29,964 Mais oui! 37 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,966 {\an8}(all French laughing) 38 00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,679 {\an8}Oh, mon cher, 39 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,014 {\an8}I am the luckiest wife 40 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,101 {\an8}in the entire 16th arrondissement! 41 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,269 {\an8}Let us kiss with the tongues. 42 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,438 {\an8}(groaning) 43 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,940 (tongue trilling) 44 00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,441 {\an8}I hate that Homer jerk 45 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,652 {\an8}with his beautiful wife and loving family, 46 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:52,987 {\an8}when all I got is this doorway. 47 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:56,491 {\an8}Well, enjoy your sensual tongue-play while you can 48 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,827 {\an8}’cause I’ve got a plan to take everything you got! 49 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:01,830 (groaning) 50 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,124 (snoring) 51 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:09,462 {\an8}(snoring continues) 52 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,214 Monsieur Simpson. 53 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,299 {\an8}You’re under arrest for treason. 54 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,468 {\an8}Treason? But I love France. 55 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,637 {\an8}The way all our words are either a girl or a guy. 56 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,763 {\an8}Oh, that’s the best. 57 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,932 {\an8}Tell it to le baton! 58 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,392 {\an8}(grunts) 59 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,435 {\an8}(groaning) 60 00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,646 {\an8}I don’t want the kids to see me this way. 61 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:27,814 {\an8}Don’t worry! 62 00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,732 {\an8}They’re still drunk from school. 63 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,401 (gurgling) 64 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:35,446 Uh... deux... trois. 65 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,744 Listen to this letter he wrote. 66 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,413 {\an8}(clearing throat): "Dear England, 67 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,832 {\an8}how I love your moors and heaths. 68 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,876 {\an8}For you, I’d do whatever it takes, 69 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,628 especially treason." 70 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,046 I didn’t write that! 71 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:56,092 Even if I did love England, I’d play it cool. 72 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,886 Wait for it to come to me. 73 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,846 I sentence you to life. 74 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,265 You moron! I’m already alive. 75 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,349 In prison. 76 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,350 (screams) 77 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:06,978 (groans) 78 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:13,818 (imitating European siren noises) 79 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,779 I’m gonna stop now. 80 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,784 (rattling) 81 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,494 I shouldn’t be here. 82 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:24,829 I was framed. 83 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,331 You think you got problems? 84 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,790 The man in the iron mask over there 85 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,083 is the rightful King of France. 86 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,627 Hey, wait, did you guys hear that? 87 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,754 He just admitted it. Guys? 88 00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:35,256 Oh, man, this place is so unfair. 89 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,799 Are you going to torture me? 90 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,134 We can’t tell you. 91 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,470 Not knowing is the worst torture of all. 92 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,888 Well, that and the rat helmet. 93 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:45,975 (groaning) 94 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:46,935 Now get some sleep. 95 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,395 You’ve got a 9:00 a.m. rat helmet. 96 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,272 Oh, 9:00 a.m. 97 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:56,110 (music swells) 98 00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:59,030 I swear revenge on Meaux! 99 00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,950 Even if it takes me the rest of my life! 100 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,868 Can you loosen my arms so I can shake my fists? 101 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,536 You’re the traitor. 102 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,497 Revenge! 103 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,498 Okay. 104 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:09,499 Thank you. 105 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:12,126 (hooting) 106 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,670 Oh, little mouse. 107 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,673 You are the only thing that keeps me sane. 108 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,342 (gulping, slurping) 109 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:21,302 Now I have nothing. 110 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,721 Perhaps I may be of help. 111 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,682 (gasping): Where did you come from? 112 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,183 I’m your cell mate. 113 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,601 You never noticed me because frankly, 114 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,561 you’re extremely self-centered. 115 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:32,563 Oh, sorry, I wasn’t listening. 116 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:35,066 I was checking out my reflection in this yellow water. 117 00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:37,902 Ho-ho-ho-ho, looking good. 118 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,905 Young man, I have the answer to your problems. 119 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,282 (grunting) 120 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,243 (gasping) 121 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,745 I spent 30 years digging this tunnel, 122 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,497 but now I can’t use it. 123 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,666 I’m simply too old. 124 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:52,834 And decrepit. 125 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,920 (shudders): But you can escape and use this map 126 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,131 to retrieve my buried treasure. 127 00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,550 With it you can have your revenge. 128 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,260 Ooh, the-the! 129 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:05,054 But why are you helping me? 130 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,223 Well, because before my wretched life 131 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,558 comes to a close, 132 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:11,894 I want to know that I had one friend. 133 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,855 Also, because while you slept, 134 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,565 I violated you repeatedly. 135 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,442 So this map leads to a treasure, huh? 136 00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:21,738 I wonder how long this tunnel 137 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:26,868 ...iiiiiiiis! 138 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,332 (splashing) 139 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,292 (gurgling): D’oh! 140 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:37,378 (mysterious music playing) 141 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:44,635 (gasping) 142 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,346 Damn it! 143 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:51,934 (gasping) 144 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,102 How’s it going? 145 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,480 (softly): D’oh! 146 00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,025 Uh-huh. Hmm. 147 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,569 Mon Dieu! 148 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,695 (wondrous music playing) 149 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,405 (gasping): Whoo-hoo-hee! 150 00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:05,573 (coins clinking) 151 00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,617 Ha-ha! Do-do-do. 152 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,579 Ew! Silver. 153 00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,039 Ooh, a penny. 154 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,999 This is my lucky day! 155 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,335 {\an8}(fanfare playing) 156 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:26,094 ♪ Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques ♪ 157 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:29,514 ♪ Dormez-vous, dormez-vous ♪ 158 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,474 Oh, I love today’s music. 159 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,351 Frère this, and Jacques that. 160 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:34,352 Out of sight. 161 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,104 (knocking) 162 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,107 "The Count of Monte Cristo 163 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:41,025 invites you to a formal gala." 164 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,486 Ooh, the Count of Monte Cristo! 165 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,197 Can we go? 166 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,698 We haven’t been to any parties 167 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,618 since that soirée at the Bastille. 168 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:51,994 Ah...summer nights. 169 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,163 (horse sputtering) 170 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,164 (regal music) 171 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,874 When will we meet the count? 172 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,459 Do you think he’ll like us? 173 00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,752 I’ve heard rumors he’s mysterious. 174 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,712 (trumpet fanfare) 175 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:02,880 (all gasping) 176 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,136 (all gasping) 177 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,223 (kissing) 178 00:07:12,306 --> 00:07:16,102 Madame, you have the shapely, hairless knuckles of a queen. 179 00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:17,603 (laughs): Oh. Well. 180 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,397 Monsieur Meaux, 181 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,899 I would be honored if you would be the first 182 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,652 to enjoy the evening’s entertainment. 183 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,903 Here it is: 184 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:29,824 the harmless chair of relaxation. 185 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,159 I heard about these things. 186 00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,618 They’re good for doing the wife, right? 187 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,786 Oh! 188 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,372 Little do you know that the Count of Monte Cristo 189 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,916 is in fact an old acquaintance of yours. 190 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,626 Ma? 191 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,171 I have returned! 192 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,797 -I don’t get it. -(crowd chatter) 193 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,216 Oh, hold on. 194 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,843 -It’s him! -Monsieur Simpson! 195 00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,595 Homer, you’re back! 196 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,473 Oui, oui! And I have spent the last five years 197 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,892 plotting the most exquisite revenge! 198 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,061 (whirring) 199 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,156 Okay, lesson learned. Friends again? 200 00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,616 (metallic creaking) 201 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:14,202 (sizzling) 202 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,703 Crêpes? 203 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,706 Suzette! 204 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:24,212 (all gasping) 205 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,505 Homer? 206 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,048 Yes, my love? 207 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,300 You killed my husband. 208 00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:30,551 (groans) 209 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,761 No! 210 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,513 BOTH: Papa Meaux! Papa Meaux! 211 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,097 You guys liked him? 212 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,850 We were together for five years. 213 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,061 Now who’s going to take care of the triplets? 214 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:44,565 (low, Mo-like crying) 215 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,652 But Marge, I did it all for you. 216 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:48,861 For me, huh? 217 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,488 What took you so long? 218 00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:51,739 It takes time 219 00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,616 to make a revenge machine this awesome. 220 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:54,951 Plus, in the middle, 221 00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,328 I had to take revenge on some of my contractors. 222 00:08:57,411 --> 00:09:00,581 You spent so much time plotting your revenge, 223 00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,917 you lost everything that really mattered. 224 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,377 Come on, kids. 225 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,093 So you see, Homer, revenge only leads to misery. 226 00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:16,222 (singing Jamaican rap) 227 00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,765 (turns radio off) Weren’t you listening? 228 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,518 I just told you a whole story about revenge. 229 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:21,519 Oh, right. 230 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:22,520 (engine revving) 231 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,021 Revenge! 232 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:28,067 ♪♪ 233 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,902 I’m gonna get my revenge, 234 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,737 and if I get caught, I’m pinning it on the baby 235 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,364 like the time I shot Mr. Burns. 236 00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:34,240 Dad, wait. 237 00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,909 I’ve got a story about why revenge is wrong. 238 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,494 Is it The Count of Monte Cristo? 239 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,037 ’Cause I love that story. 240 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,581 -No. -Oh! 241 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,292 I call it Revenge of the Geeks. 242 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,377 (collegiate music plays) 243 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,463 (high-pitched groan) 244 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,215 (grunts) 245 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,467 I’m so sick of those bullies. 246 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,012 We got to figure out some way to stop ’em. 247 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,597 Perhaps we could tell the principal. 248 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,973 Tell me what? 249 00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,433 (crickets chirping) 250 00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,936 (mysterious music) 251 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,814 Behold the Get-back-inator. 252 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,065 (dramatic sting) 253 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,526 We’re gonna beat those bullies with a glove? 254 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,362 This is far more than a mere glove. 255 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,656 This is the turning point in the eternal battle 256 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,491 of brain v. brawn. 257 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:21,621 All it requires is a small amount of coordination. 258 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,748 (groaning) 259 00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,124 I can handle the glove. 260 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:28,044 I took juggling at camp. 261 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,211 -Wow! -Ah! 262 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,884 Good morning, dinguses. 263 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,428 What are you doing, touching each other’s butts? 264 00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,306 Oh, you are so dead you’re alive. 265 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,230 (grunts) 266 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,649 What is this place? 267 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,570 Ah, what a pleasant surprise. 268 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,448 It seems that now the shoe is on the other... 269 00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,492 Revenge! 270 00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:01,077 (whirring) 271 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,745 (groaning) 272 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:03,829 (sizzling) 273 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,790 (whirring) 274 00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,917 (high-pitched groaning) 275 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,960 My fun bags! 276 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,004 Please, have mercy! 277 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,340 I always thought you were the coolest dork. 278 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,341 (sizzling) 279 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,259 (clicking) 280 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,809 (whirring and pulsing) 281 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,852 ROBOTIC VOICE: Stop hitting yourself. 282 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,479 Stop hitting yourself. 283 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:29,980 -(grunting) -Stop hitting yourself. 284 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,482 Why are you hitting yourself? 285 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,484 (laughter and chattering) 286 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,569 ♪♪ 287 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:39,031 Milhouse, thanks to you, the nerds can breathe easy. 288 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,575 Except the ones with asthma, which is all of them. 289 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,828 But still, it’s great. 290 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:48,165 Yup, having a weapon at school has really made things awesome. 291 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,166 Ow! 292 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,418 (stifled giggles) 293 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,544 Pardon my birdie. 294 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,671 I misjudged the prevailing winds. 295 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,549 You embarrassed me in front of Lisa! 296 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:57,633 (whirring) 297 00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,470 (goofy groaning) 298 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,890 (laughing maniacally) 299 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,268 Milhouse, what’s gotten into you? 300 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,854 Over the years, a lot of people have hurt me. 301 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,648 Good thing I kept this list. 302 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,067 (laughing) 303 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,695 Oh, no, you’ve already got your revenge! 304 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,364 You wouldn’t give me Chinese cuts in the lunch line. 305 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,365 (whirring) 306 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,118 You laughed when I threw up on the glass-blowing tour. 307 00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,369 (whirring) 308 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,579 Girls like you better. 309 00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:27,413 (whirring) 310 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,914 Your parents are married! 311 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,250 (whirring) 312 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,293 Ay caramba! 313 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,919 (whirring) 314 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:37,131 That’s the only line I get in your stupid story?! 315 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,799 There are no small parts, just small actors. 316 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,009 (laughs) 317 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,012 (whirring) 318 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,264 This is my first day at this school. 319 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:46,724 I haven’t done anything to you! 320 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:47,641 You will. 321 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,643 This is prevenge. 322 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,021 (whirring) 323 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:55,566 (groaning) 324 00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,276 Why, look, it’s Milhouse. 325 00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,236 What’s the power glove for? 326 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,948 Opening the cap on your weirdo pills? 327 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,450 (whirring) 328 00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,285 (grunts) 329 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,953 Willie, clean up this mess. 330 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,413 All right. 331 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,207 (slurping) 332 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,544 Milhouse, don’t you see? 333 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,379 You’re addicted to revenge. 334 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,341 You’ll learn to love it when you’re my queen. 335 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,217 I see. 336 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,718 (nervous chuckle) 337 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,304 While it would be an honor to be your queen... 338 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,139 Go on. 339 00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,184 ...I feel it would be best if we just stay friends. 340 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,479 Nobody spares my feelings! 341 00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,438 (tense music) 342 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,857 (grunting) 343 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,317 I can’t do it. 344 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,653 I can’t hurt you, Lisa. 345 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,825 (Milhouse gasps) 346 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,785 Ha-ha! You forgot about me 347 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:48,911 ’cause I had the mumps. 348 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:49,912 (whirring) 349 00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,081 (goofy groaning) 350 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,918 (pulsating whirring) 351 00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,088 Wow! 352 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,590 That had what I really like in a story: 353 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,592 an ending. 354 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,136 The point, Dad, is that when you take revenge, 355 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,473 you become just as bad as the person you harm. 356 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,725 No, sweetie, the lesson is: 357 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,770 never put down your weapon. 358 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,648 Revenge! 359 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,779 Look at that view. 360 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,865 It reminds me of how insignificant 361 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,533 we are in the world. 362 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:30,119 Yeehaw! 363 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,871 This is it. 364 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,414 It’s taken all day. 365 00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,124 We’ve missed our flight to Hawaii, 366 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:39,336 but finally I’ll get my revenge. 367 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,212 Dad, wait! 368 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,881 You haven’t heard my story. 369 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:42,715 You? 370 00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:45,551 You’re too dumb to tell a story. 371 00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,012 No, seriously, you’re great. 372 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,222 Let’s hear it. Oh, geez. 373 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,932 My story takes place 374 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,476 in a time I call the past. 375 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,397 ♪ ♪ 376 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,623 Ugh, that stunk worse than boiled cabbage. 377 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:16,999 You should feel lucky. 378 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,001 Not many boys have parents who can afford 379 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,961 to take them to the opera every night. 380 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,213 Parents who are still alive, 381 00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:24,256 I might add. 382 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,969 Hmm, well, this alley looks dangerous. 383 00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,262 I better turn my ring around. 384 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:32,890 Oh, boy. 385 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,103 Hand over your wallet. 386 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,022 You don’t frighten me! 387 00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,024 Or my wife! 388 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,609 Or my... 389 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,152 Shut up. 390 00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:52,368 Avenge me. 391 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:56,288 In flamboyant, impractical fashion. 392 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,459 ♪♪ 393 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:09,760 (somber music) 394 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,471 I want to avenge you, but I don’t know how. 395 00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,014 With my help. 396 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:14,890 Grandpa? 397 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,058 In my younger days, 398 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,519 I was an ace crime fighter. 399 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,479 The "Crimson Cockatoo." 400 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,856 (laughing) 401 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:26,360 Now let’s get you in shape in an old-timey way. 402 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,030 (20's jazz music playing) 403 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,336 Holy Hannah! 404 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,964 I’ve got more muscles than a New England Clam Bank. 405 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:49,049 Now all I need is a superhero name. 406 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,011 You can be the Crimson Cockaboy. 407 00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,345 Hmm? 408 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,722 I’ll keep thinking. 409 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,724 (exciting orchestral music) 410 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,143 (gun clicks) 411 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,352 Help! Somebody help! 412 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,522 That thief stole all my Heralds, Tribunes, and Herald-Tribunes. 413 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,568 A k-k-k-kid! 414 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,696 I’m Bart-Man. (grunts) 415 00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,406 -(yelling) -(sizzling) 416 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,826 Thank you, masked vigilante. 417 00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,495 Your overzealous homicide has saved me 80 cents. 418 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,998 Now, if you’re not going to buy anything, please move along. 419 00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,005 Tonight, the Springfield... 420 00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,798 I mean Gotham underworld is trembling 421 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,092 while solid citizens sleep snug as a bug. 422 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,303 Why? Because Bart-Man is knocking down bad guys 423 00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,555 like Howard Hughes knocks up young starlets! 424 00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,389 Bad guys like 425 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,475 The Toker... 426 00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:40,434 D'oh! 427 00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,935 The Diddler... 428 00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,145 (groans) 429 00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,021 Mr. Mole... 430 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,355 -(grunts) -Oh! 431 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,899 Sugar and Spice. 432 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,817 BOTH: Oh! 433 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,486 And Poison Lenny. 434 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,071 Oh! 435 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,033 No snake tattoo. 436 00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,076 (groaning) 437 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,953 When will I find the man who murdered my parents? 438 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,205 When? 439 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,206 (speaker): Attention, Bart-Man. 440 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,415 This is The Serpent, 441 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,375 saying "fangs a lot" 442 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,294 for getting rid of the competish. 443 00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,338 More stuff for me to steal! 444 00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,756 Ha-ha! 445 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,217 No villain is safe from me, Serpent! 446 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,969 But I’m not a villain. I’m a transvestite. 447 00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,638 Explain that to your maker. 448 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:21,475 (sizzling) 449 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:22,768 I’ll take it from here, Bart-Man. 450 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:24,812 (gun shots) 451 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,272 (mysterious music) 452 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,608 (people chattering) 453 00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,241 No sign of the Serpent, Chief. 454 00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:40,410 Everything’s work with you. Lighten up. 455 00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,162 (snake charmer music playing) 456 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,708 That music-- it’s so hypnotic. 457 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,545 My bone has a mind of its own. 458 00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:56,593 I’ll be snaking those jewels and venom gotta go. 459 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,929 Sorry I didn’t asp your permission. 460 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:01,098 Hope that’s cobracetic. 461 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,225 Hey, jerk, puns are lazy writing. 462 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,893 D’oh! 463 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,146 Huh? 464 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,314 (glass shattering) 465 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,441 Party’s over, Serpent! 466 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,861 No kidding because you’re standing in the dip. 467 00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:18,448 (gasping) 468 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:19,908 (guns clicking) 469 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,125 (dramatic orchestral music) 470 00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,418 You! 471 00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,752 You’re the man who killed my parents! 472 00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:35,132 Oh! Ahh! Ooh. 473 00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:39,845 I did it. I finally got my revenge. 474 00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,471 But it didn’t bring your parents back. 475 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,557 Tell me, big boy, was it really worth it? 476 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,767 Well, I do feel a little better. 477 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,311 Plus, I got zillions of dollars 478 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:50,022 and no parents to tell me what to do. 479 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,774 Bart-Man, don’t you want to join us? 480 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,818 Don’t talk to me when I’m vibrating. 481 00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,780 So you see, revenge is great, 482 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,824 and there’s three ways to talk about it. 483 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:04,077 Although two of the ways were kind of the same way, 484 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:06,246 and even the third one might have worked better 485 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,664 as a Halloween story. 486 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,333 (laughing): That’s okay, boy. 487 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,251 The two of us got to talking. 488 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:14,171 Yeah, turns out we have a lot in common. 489 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,257 We’re both from Connecticut. 490 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,384 Look at all them stars. 491 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,262 How many do you think there are? 492 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,096 Two. 493 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,097 What the... 494 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,516 Two? You think there are two... 495 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,976 Well, I never. 496 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,312 How could you...? 497 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,689 Why do you think it is that mankind 498 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:35,442 is so inclined towards hating one another? 499 00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,110 I don’t know. 500 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:40,280 Let’s just lay here till we figure it out. 501 00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:44,868 (dramatic, solemn orchestral music) 502 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:11,436 {\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA 503 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,104 Shh! 504 00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,026 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem