1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,297
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,216
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:10,510
D’oh!
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00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:11,511
(shrieks)
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00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,239
{\an8}SKINNER:
Next item on the agenda,
6
00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:33,366
{\an8}I’m afraid that
due to funding cuts,
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00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,618
we’ve had to sell
the science department skeleton
8
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,580
{\an8}and replace it with
this Halloween costume.
9
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:39,914
{\an8}Thank you, Willie.
10
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,624
{\an8}Now, please return it
to its plastic snap case.
11
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:42,876
{\an8}(clears throat)
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{\an8}Moving on--
our class trip to Italy
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{\an8}is now spaghetti night
at Papa John’s,
14
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:51,301
{\an8}and your $1,500 deposits
will not be refunded.
15
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,261
{\an8}Ooh, Papa John’s!
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{\an8}We will conclude by
passing around a sheet
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00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,973
{\an8}on which I would like
everyone’s e-mail address.
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(groaning)
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(groaning)
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{\an8}What’s wrong?
21
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,524
{\an8}I can’t fill out
that clipboard.
22
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,109
{\an8}I don’t have e-mail.
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{\an8}(crowd gasps)
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00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,404
{\an8}Oh, Marge, you got
to get on the Net.
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00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,865
{\an8}It’s got all the best
conspiracy theories.
26
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{\an8}Did you know that Hezbollah
owns Little Dolly Snack Cakes?
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This stuff will
rock your world!
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{\an8}Fine, I’ll log onto
Wahoo or Yippy
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{\an8}or A-O-K or Pooka-dooka
or whatever it’s called.
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Can we move this
meeting along?
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{\an8}I pay my taxes,
I expect my orange drink!
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{\an8}Ambrosia!
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{\an8}And this Web site
will tell you the weather.
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{\an8}Sunny?
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{\an8}I never have to look out
the window again.
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♪ Let’s go surfing now,
everybody’s learning how ♪
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♪ Come on and safari with me ♪
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Paper towels
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for 69 cents.
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00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:55,448
68 cents.
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{\an8}66 cents!
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{\an8}Kids, get
in the car!
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{\an8}We’re going
to Pennsylvania!
44
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{\an8}Ooh.
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629,000 results?!
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00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:10,672
Wow.
47
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,966
And all this time,
I thought "Googling yourself"
48
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:13,883
meant the other thing.
49
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It’s our house!
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But what’s that thing?
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{\an8}(gasps)
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{\an8}Everyone can see you!
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Get inside!
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Never!
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00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,150
MARGE:
Just put on a towel!
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HOMER: Why don’t I just
put on a dress?
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(Homer grunting, panting)
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(door opens)
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FLANDERS: Homer,
you’ve met my parents.
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HOMER: Not naked,
I haven’t.
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That Internet
has it all.
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{\an8}Today, I found I had the same
birthday as Randy Quaid,
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00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:47,000
{\an8}I MapQuested a great new
route to the armory,
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00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,377
{\an8}and I got a list
of local houses
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{\an8}where I’m not letting you kids
trick or treat anymore.
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{\an8}I’m proud of you, Mom.
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00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,382
{\an8}You’re like
Christopher Columbus.
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00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,800
{\an8}You discovered
something
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{\an8}millions of people
knew about before you.
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00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:58,511
{\an8}Hmm!
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00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,930
(crickets chirping)
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{\an8}(mouse clicks, Marge groans)
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{\an8}I sent everyone I know an e-card
for St. Patrick’s Day,
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{\an8}but not one person
wrote me back.
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{\an8}Hmm. Maybe
if I hit "Refresh."
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}Still nothing.
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{\an8}But maybe now.
Or now.
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}The only thing that changes
is the banner ad.
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{\an8}Hmm?
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{\an8}(groans)
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Ooh.
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Earthland Realms?
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(tinny fanfare playing)
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Earthland Realms
is a multiplayer
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online role-playing game.
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Do you agree to the following
terms and conditions?
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00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:42,931
"For amusement only.
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00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,934
Credit card information may be
sold to Korean gangsters."
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(sighs)
Just click "Agree."
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Step one,
create your character.
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Let’s see.
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00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:54,817
What kind of
goofy goobly
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should I be?
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00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,278
Whoa.
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00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,113
Look at those
bazooms.
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00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,782
Who designed
this character?
99
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,116
Probably a man.
100
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,786
Hmm! I can make her look
any way I want.
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00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,120
Let’s see.
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Hair: blue.
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00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,457
Shoes: sensible.
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Body type: Olive Oyl.
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Face: other.
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That’s better.
107
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,089
Now, let’s role... play.
108
00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:20,760
Wow, it’s like
a Renaissance fair,
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but without all
the chubby couples.
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This is really annoying.
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You’re telling me.
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Greetings, Cleric.
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Will you undertake
a quest on my behalf?
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Eh, maybe I should run this
by my husband first.
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Things are more fun
if you just answer "yes."
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Then, yes.
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Hither me forth
on mine arduous quest.
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Once again,
just "yes."
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Yes.
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First, you must find
the Armandahl of Nuxinor.
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All I see
is that rock.
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You have found it!
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Oh!
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(typing)
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Okay, activate
my level seven power stones.
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Wield the orb
of oblivion.
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And zap!
128
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Hmm, needs
more goat soul.
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BART: Mom?!
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What are you kids
doing up so late?
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We just got up.
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It’s 7:00 a.m.
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(gasps)
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I was on the computer
all night!
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Actually,
it’s Saturday.
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(gasps)
137
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I played a day
and a night.
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Bart,
it’s not Saturday.
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Shh.
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I should
get some sleep.
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(yawns)
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I better check
on my elf-self.
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(tinny fanfare playing)
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(growls)
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Thank you.
Come again.
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Apu?
147
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,103
Mrs. Homer.
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00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,605
How nice to see
you in the Realms.
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00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:57,190
How did you
get in my game?
150
00:05:57,273 --> 00:05:58,274
Are you a virus?
151
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,275
Oh, no.
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00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,485
I, too, am
online playing.
153
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:01,778
That cobra king
over there
154
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,654
is actually Snake.
155
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,282
The prison guards think I’m
getting my online law degree.
156
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,992
Ha, ha!
157
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,620
And that beguiling enchantress
is Mrs. Krabappel.
158
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:13,081
This game is a great way
to meet eligible men
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00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,374
who can afford
a computer.
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00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,500
(panting)
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00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:16,751
Or have access to one
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00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,170
at the school library.
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It’s amazing how you can be
a turkey in every reality.
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What’s important
is we’re talking.
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I’m Moe.
166
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I’m playing this
while I’m on the can.
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Wow, Moe!
168
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,349
You’re a troll.
169
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,433
What? No.
170
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,769
My character’s supposed
to look like me.
171
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,938
Why does everyone keep
thinking I’m a troll?!
172
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,357
(muttering angrily)
173
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,444
(horse neighing)
174
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(neighing)
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(gasps)
176
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,995
Who are
we hiding from?
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00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,247
The Shadow Knight.
178
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,791
Where he rides, death
is sure to follow.
179
00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:58,501
The Shadow Knight?
180
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,962
He’s the most evil,
destructive player in this game.
181
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,047
He once beat me to death
with my own life bar.
182
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,636
Mmm... mmm.
183
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:12,390
(booming voice): Who dares
battle with the Shadow Knight?
184
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,517
(sinister laugh)
185
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,018
(groaning)
186
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,020
Oh...
187
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,066
He was a good man.
188
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A good, moist man.
189
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:26,612
Eww.
190
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,989
I can’t watch this.
191
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:35,246
BART: Another senseless
killing by...
192
00:07:35,329 --> 00:07:36,581
the Shadow Knight!
193
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:37,707
Hmm?
194
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,626
(sinister laugh)
195
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,003
(gasps)
196
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,547
My son is
an evil knight!
197
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:48,384
The most successful evil knight
in all the Earthland Realms!
198
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,011
Not bad.
199
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,602
(booming voice):
Ay caramba, what a day!
200
00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,770
Brave sir knight?
201
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,105
(normal voice): What
is it, Lady Milhouse?
202
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:02,315
I’m not a lady,
203
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,649
it’s a spell.
204
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,526
A spell you said
you’d reverse.
205
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,028
Yeah, yeah,
it’s on my list.
206
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:08,779
Anyway, someone’s here
to see you.
207
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:09,780
Hi, Bart!
208
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,115
It’s your mom!
209
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,867
I’m in your videogame
with you!
210
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:13,910
What?
211
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,328
(groans)
212
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:16,787
Why Milhouse,
213
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,331
don’t you look pretty!
214
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:19,665
It’s a spell!
215
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,792
And thank you.
216
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,712
Mom, what are you
doing in my game?!
217
00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,214
How would you like it
218
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,632
if I suddenly started
going shopping with you?
219
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,175
I’d like that
very much.
220
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,968
(grunting)
221
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:34,096
Uh, wh-what can I get ya,
Mr. Shadow Knight, sir?
222
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,431
A grog? Grog light?
223
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,807
Uh, diet grog
with lemon?
224
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:39,727
Just wring the blood
from this pixie head.
225
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:40,770
Yes, sir.
226
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,772
Hi, everybody!
227
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,273
How do you play this game?
228
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,650
(moaning)
229
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,485
Ow!
230
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:48,444
(groaning)
231
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:52,240
Now flog yourself
with this mace
232
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,951
while reciting
the Goblin’s Code!
233
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:56,118
Goblin’s Code,
yes, sir!
234
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,120
All goblins must be free
of visible worms.
235
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,205
Oooh!
236
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,498
In the presence
of a lady,
237
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,124
a goblin must remove
his hat and ears.
238
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,209
(grunts)
239
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:06,754
(laughing)
240
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:08,214
Bart, are you
drinking?
241
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,384
Mom!
242
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,677
(laughing)
243
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,844
You’re making me
look bad
244
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,054
in front
of my minions!
245
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,223
If they think less of you
because of me,
246
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,432
then they’re not really
your minions.
247
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,351
(grunts)
248
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:22,186
I’m going off to explore
the Crevices of Lagrimmar.
249
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,272
Great, I’ll come
with you.
250
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,439
Shouldn’t you bundle up?
251
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,066
Here, let me enchant
your pants.
252
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,234
(grunts)
253
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,986
Hey, Lisa,
254
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,821
self-conscious
about your shins?
255
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,240
In my day, girls were worried
about their boobs.
256
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,117
Dad, I’m going
to play soccer.
257
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,079
I fell in love
with the game
258
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,664
when I saw
Bend It Like Beckham.
259
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,666
(Indian music plays)
260
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,585
Father, I am proud
of my cultural heritage,
261
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,253
but I also love soccer!
262
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,588
(cheering)
263
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,673
You tell him,
Jesminder!
264
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,675
I forbid you to bend
it like Beckham.
265
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,136
Plus, you must marry
this complete stranger.
266
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:57,138
His father is an important
business acquaintance of mine.
267
00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:58,556
Love counts
for nothing!
268
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:00,433
You tell her,
Mr. Dhanabhai!
269
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,518
Business contacts are more
important than love!
270
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,186
(girls grunting)
271
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,147
Wait, that’s soccer?
272
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,940
I always called it
"human foosball."
273
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,984
Would you like me
to take you to your game?
274
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,527
You already promised
you would.
275
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,195
Aw, do I have to?
276
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,655
(girls grunting)
277
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,115
{\an8}Uh-huh.
278
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,533
{\an8}Okay, Morty,
I’ll tell them.
279
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,576
Sorry, ladies.
280
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,036
We got no referee,
281
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,495
so the game’s
been canceled.
282
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,997
(laughing)
283
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,123
I’m sorry.
284
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,875
I’m sure you’re
very disappointed.
285
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,585
(laughing)
286
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:28,711
What happened
to the ref?
287
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,046
He quit!
288
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,422
Being a ref is
a thankless job...
289
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,923
the parents hate ya...
290
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,551
the only upside is the kids
share their snack with you.
291
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,094
HOMER: Did someone
say "snack"?
292
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,723
I’ll be your ref!
293
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,725
(girls cheering)
294
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,393
Dad, where’d you get
that outfit?
295
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,354
I got fired from
Foot Locker.
296
00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:49,190
♪ Kicks just keep getting harder
to find... ♪
297
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,108
What’s the
matter, buddy?
298
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,194
The American flag not
good enough for ya?
299
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,195
(grunts)
300
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,738
That was my father.
301
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,073
I’m your father now.
302
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,783
I’m open! I’m open!
303
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:02,078
♪ No, but not with kicks ♪
304
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,914
♪ You just need help, girl... ♪
305
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,585
(panting)
306
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,672
So... tired.
307
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,716
(vomiting)
308
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,469
Could someone bring me
another barf cone?
309
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:22,056
So... I thought
it went real well.
310
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,100
Until I swallowed
the whistle.
311
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:25,601
You don’t even
know the rules!
312
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,311
This could be
my new thing,
313
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,105
and you’re turning
it into a joke!
314
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,481
Hilarious joke?
315
00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,982
Sadly, no.
316
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,652
I’m disappointed with the way
you acted today...
317
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,405
but I’m not
surprised.
318
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,656
(sighs)
319
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,740
(whistle blowing)
320
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,626
Oh, let’s see.
321
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,963
Should I take the Trail of
Death, or the Path of Doom?
322
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,464
Maybe I should
just go back.
323
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,216
(shrieks)
324
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:58,843
(gasps)
325
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,637
Is this Wall Street
Journal online?
326
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,472
(screams and groans)
327
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,724
Oof.
328
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,308
Well, well,
looks like
329
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,686
something’s finally about
to happen in this game.
330
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:10,146
Just in time.
331
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:12,022
I was about to go
to the Pottery Barn site
332
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,190
to get design ideas.
333
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,486
(metal clanging)
It’s the Shadow Knight!
334
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,654
Run!
335
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,488
I forget how to do that.
336
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:20,614
Control-shift-R...
337
00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:21,991
(Dolph screaming)
338
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,202
Thank you, Bart.
339
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,330
This frame grab’s going
on my coffee cup.
340
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,166
You guys wanna meet
at the Kwik-E-Mart?
341
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:31,625
I’m in the tub right now.
342
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,127
I’m in Denmark!
343
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,503
GIRL: Let’s go,
come on!
344
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,713
(girls cheering)
345
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:36,714
Ow.
(whistle blowing)
346
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,090
Hand ball!
Direct kick!
347
00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,677
Dad, I’m impressed!
348
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,596
You’ve become
a much better referee.
349
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,055
Thanks, honey.
350
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:46,390
After what you
said to me,
351
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,809
I watched hours
and hours of soccer.
352
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,478
I almost saw a goal!
353
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:53,689
But there were so many ads
for Spanish cell phones.
354
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,193
(panting)
355
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,527
Do it, sweetie!
356
00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,779
Save our troubled
marriage!
357
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:06,494
(grunting)
358
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,495
(whistle blowing)
359
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:08,454
Foul on 23!
360
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:09,705
That’s crazy.
361
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:10,748
Your daughter
just tripped
362
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,249
on her own
clumsy feet!
363
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,001
Come on, Lisa.
Admit it!
364
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:15,586
Um, uh...
365
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:18,756
I’m a spectator addressing
a player-- answer me!
366
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,217
I said foul
367
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,802
on 23!
368
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,056
You are so blind,
369
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,599
even Jesus couldn’t
heal you!
370
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,892
Helen, please.
371
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,727
Don’t drop
the J bomb.
372
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:32,728
Well, I’m throwing you
373
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,104
both out of the game!
374
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:35,022
(both gasp)
375
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:39,902
(Lisa gasps)
376
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:43,864
Ow!
377
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,324
She tripped me.
378
00:13:45,407 --> 00:13:47,660
Ow! Oh!
379
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,161
Ow!
380
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:50,162
(blows whistle)
381
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,163
Foul on the other girl.
382
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,581
Lisa gets
a penalty kick,
383
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,834
and every other kid has
to pay her a dollar.
384
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,627
That is an outrage!
385
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,212
Your daughter’s been
floppin’ all day!
386
00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:00,506
She has not.
Your daughter’s a dirty player.
387
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:03,968
Sir, I have sired
a dum-dum, a mush-head,
388
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,928
a what’s-it, a dog boy,
389
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,639
and somethin’ with
a human face and fish body,
390
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,432
what we called Kevin,
391
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,060
but my young’uns is
not dirty players.
392
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,062
I don’t need a soccer lecture
from a hillbilly.
393
00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:17,606
That’s hill-William
to you, sir.
394
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,608
How about
a lecture from me,
395
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,860
Ronaldo?
396
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,570
(gasps)
Ronaldo?!
397
00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,405
Winner of two
World Cups
398
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:26,991
and three FIFA Player
of the Year awards?
399
00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:28,868
Yes, I am
what you said.
400
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,912
Now I travel the world
exposing floppers,
401
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,747
and your daughter
is a flopper.
402
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:36,709
Now, Ronaldo away!
403
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:38,961
You heard
Geraldo.
404
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,796
What’s it
gonna be?
405
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,299
(sighs)
406
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,092
Yellow card!
407
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,261
You can’t give me
a yellow card.
408
00:14:47,344 --> 00:14:48,846
You’re my father.
409
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,390
When I put on these shorts,
I’m not your father anymore,
410
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,225
and judging by how
tight they are,
411
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,852
I’m never going to be
anyone else’s, either.
412
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,061
(grunts)
413
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,689
This is what I think
of your yellow card!
414
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,482
Unsportsmanlike
conduct.
415
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,734
That’s a red card.
416
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,527
You’re out
of the game!
417
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,945
But... But...
418
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,280
Oh!
419
00:15:06,363 --> 00:15:09,325
Another family broken
up by Ronaldo.
420
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,618
Yes!
421
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,578
What a fun quest!
422
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:15,497
Aren’t you glad I made you
take that nap in the middle?
423
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,082
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
424
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,710
Let me just put this holy
grail in my trophy room.
425
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,170
Whoa!
426
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,546
Where’s all my stuff?!
427
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,381
I thought all the swords
428
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,968
and severed heads were kind
of gory, so I redecorated
429
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,970
using the Hello Kitty
expansion pack.
430
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:32,014
No!
431
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,103
Mom?
432
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,314
Mom?!
433
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:43,567
I was killed
by my own son.
434
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,197
How could you kill
your own mother?
435
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,949
It was just a game.
436
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:53,243
A game I used to enjoy
before you mommed all over it.
437
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,203
Lisa, sweetie,
438
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,038
I was just
following the rules.
439
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:56,872
Great.
440
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,332
The one time you actually
do something right,
441
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,668
you ruin my life.
442
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,461
(sobbing)
443
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,296
I think
I’ll go to bed.
444
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,090
It’s 5:00
in the afternoon.
445
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:07,967
Who cares? I’m dead.
446
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,385
Jumpin’ Johnnycakes!
447
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,178
Those dames
are cheesed.
448
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:14,264
Son, I’ll never understand
women if I live to be 40.
449
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,683
Big if.
450
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:16,976
You said it.
451
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:18,185
Enjoy me
while I last.
452
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,187
(both laughing)
453
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,689
(chuckles)
454
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,148
Want to go slam
a few beers?
455
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,149
Want to watch me?
456
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,401
You know it.
457
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,321
(glass squeaking)
458
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,031
What’s the matter,
Homer and Bart?
459
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,742
Lisa’s mad at me,
and Marge is mad at him.
460
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,411
Well, I’m just
the bartender here,
461
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,538
but it seems to me,
you could win Lisa back
462
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,331
by appealing to her
sense of reason,
463
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,916
and you can win
your mom back
464
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,334
by appealing
to her feelings.
465
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,628
Gee, Moe,
you give great advice.
466
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,006
Yeah. What have you done
with the real Moe?
467
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:50,884
(all laugh)
468
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,345
(grunting)
469
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,726
Lisa, honey,
I bought you something.
470
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,686
A DVD!
471
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:01,937
Not interested.
472
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,772
It’s a documentary
473
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,399
by the BBC,
474
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,152
in cooperation
with Canal Plus.
475
00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:09,278
(gasps)
Give me, give me, give me.
476
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,071
(Homer laughs)
477
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,781
(whirring)
478
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,242
ANNOUNCER:
Brighton, England, 1985.
479
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,328
Manchester United plays
Sussexton Hamptonshire-on-Leith
480
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,873
when a deadly riot
breaks out in the stands.
481
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,916
Oi, your boy’s
a flopper, he is!
482
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,585
No, he isn’t,
he isn’t!
483
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:26,170
Your mother can
kiss me bum!
484
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:28,505
(grunting and clamoring)
485
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,174
(loud chatter
and blows hitting)
486
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:40,059
(poignant music plays)
487
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,101
ANNOUNCER:
22 years later,
488
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,103
this riot is still going on.
489
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,813
(clamoring voices)
490
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:47,733
(Lisa gasps)
491
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:48,942
ANNOUNCER:
Last year in Brazil,
492
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:51,070
an on-field scuffle
turned so violent,
493
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:54,156
locals say a statue
of the Virgin Mary came alive...
494
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:58,494
and beat the holy snot out
of everyone.
495
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:02,748
("Adagio For Strings" plays)
496
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:17,429
Oh.
497
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,848
Mom, I’m going
to give you life
498
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,725
the way I imagine
you gave me life--
499
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,811
by pressing
alt-F-5 repeatedly.
500
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,771
(electrical humming and popping)
501
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:27,981
(theme from X-Men plays)
502
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:30,025
(electrical humming continues)
503
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,780
(moaning)
504
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:35,656
(thudding)
505
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:38,534
Bart, you brought me
back to life!
506
00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:41,286
As best you could.
507
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,538
Ha-ha!
508
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,667
(roller squeaking)
509
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,550
Sweetie, are you
here to forgive me?
510
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:55,425
No.
511
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,261
Oh! But to
get that DVD,
512
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,513
I had to become
a PBS subscriber.
513
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:03,058
Now I’m paying for crap
like American Masters.
514
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,810
(sobbing)
515
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:06,895
Dad, I can’t
forgive you,
516
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:07,729
because there’s
nothing to forgive.
517
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,064
Huh?!
518
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,567
You were right
to kick me out of that game.
519
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,193
Soccer was
making me insane,
520
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:16,572
just as it did the continents
of Europe and South America.
521
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,490
Those places
are pretty terrible.
522
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:19,867
So from now on,
523
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,076
I’ll play soccer
524
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,327
for the same reason
525
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,496
I study chemistry--
for fun.
526
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,039
Do you want
to play a little?
527
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:27,541
I sure do.
528
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,544
Wait till I tell
the other moms
529
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:31,920
you gave
two-thirds
530
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,047
of your life
force to save me.
531
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:35,674
What a good boy.
532
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:36,967
(pounding on door)
533
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,760
This way.
534
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,971
Slay him and take
his experience points!
535
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:42,306
(all grunting)
536
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:43,932
Wait. Stop!
537
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,603
If you kill me, I’ll egg
your houses in real life!
538
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:48,979
It’s still
worth it.
539
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:50,522
(grunts)
540
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:51,523
I live in a loft!
541
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:52,524
Ow!
542
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,735
My jewels!
543
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,072
All right! I got
his flame sword!
544
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,365
(laughs)
545
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,992
(grunts)
546
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,080
Aw, come on.
547
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,457
Ew!
548
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,792
(pastoral music plays)
549
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,003
♪ The Shadow Knight
shall rule no more ♪
550
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:16,715
♪ We’ve spilt his blood
upon the floor ♪
551
00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:19,218
♪ With a hi and a ho
and a trolly lolly lay ♪
552
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:24,556
♪ It’s the jolly merry
month of May! ♪
553
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,018
(sighs)
554
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,102
Don’t worry, honey.
555
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,688
I’ll hunt down our friends
who murdered you...
556
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:33,982
one by one.
557
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,525
Whatever.
558
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,735
I’m gonna go
play outside.
559
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:39,571
(laughter)
560
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,741
(blows whistle)
561
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:45,994
Look what I can do!
562
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,121
(grunts)
563
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:49,581
(laughs)
564
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,667
I have taught you well.
565
00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:53,460
(echoing):
Too well.
566
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,047
Mom, are you sure you
don’t want to play?
567
00:20:57,130 --> 00:20:58,340
No, no. I’m fine.
568
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,510
(grunting)
569
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:05,597
Why am I paying
$14.95 a month for this?
570
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:10,727
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
571
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:53,395
Shh!
572
00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,442
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem