﻿1
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,339
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,227
(bell ringing)

3
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,817
(whistle blows)

4
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,239
(beeping)

5
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,789
(playing the blues)

6
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:44,878
(tires screeching)

7
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,298
D’oh!

8
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,716
(screams)

9
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,643
<i>HOMER:</i>
<i>Hey! Don't shove!</i>

10
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,198
Oh, man, I love
Oktoberfest.

11
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:14,574
Oktoberfest!

12
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,160
{\an8}(plays resonant note)

13
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,249
{\an8}Sorry, sir, this is a harvest
festival-- no alcohol.

14
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,085
I’m gonna have to
confiscate those steins.

15
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,674
(low, sad note)

16
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,680
Springfield squash--

17
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,266
the most fibrous variety
of yellow squash.

18
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,520
{\an8}We drove 50 miles to look at
a stupid pile of vegetables?

19
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,188
{\an8}That’s it, buster.

20
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,606
{\an8}You just
bought yourself

21
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,608
{\an8}ten minutes watching that
man make a wagon wheel.

22
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:49,526
Yes’m.

23
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,570
{\an8}Wagon wheels were
the Internet

24
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,322
{\an8}of the 19th century!

25
00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:55,365
Really?

26
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,242
No.

27
00:01:58,493 --> 00:01:59,661
Hmm!

28
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:03,248
{\an8}This winning cornucopia
is magnificent.

29
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,583
Styrofoam?

30
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,085
(gasps)

31
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,503
You stuffed
your horn?!

32
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,880
{\an8}What? Everybody does it.

33
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:11,881
(nervous laughter)

34
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,719
{\an8}No, no, no, no-- noooo!

35
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,722
{\an8}-(screaming): Noooo!
-I can testify at the trial.

36
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,349
Ain’t gon’ be no trial.

37
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,062
Ooh, look! Pine
cone first ladies.

38
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,438
{\an8}Where the hell
is Abigail Adams?!

39
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:28,690
{\an8}Oh, there she is.

40
00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:30,525
{\an8}Where the hell
is Mary Todd Lincoln?!

41
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,068
{\an8}Oh, she’s right there.

42
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,820
{\an8}Where the hell is
Ida Saxton McKinley?!

43
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,071
{\an8}Oh, I see.

44
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,823
-Where the hell is...?
-Dad, look.

45
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,366
-A corn maze!
-(crow caws)

46
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,995
"Betcha can’t solve our maze."

47
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,455
{\an8}Puh! I didn’t come here
to be insulted.

48
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:45,456
{\an8}We’re leaving!

49
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,419
Mm!

50
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:52,172
{\an8}Sure is a lot of corn
in this parking lot.

51
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,965
Dad, we’re
in the maze.

52
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:57,135
(suspenseful music)

53
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,052
D’oh!

54
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,889
{\an8}(groans)

55
00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,016
{\an8}Dad, why don’t you
throw me in the air,

56
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,934
and I can see
which way is out?

57
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,561
-Hip!
-Corn.

58
00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:07,562
Hip!

59
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:08,980
More corn.

60
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,732
Another kid getting
thrown in the air.

61
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,692
Witch’s coven.

62
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,485
Seattle Space Needle.

63
00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,988
Amateur production of
<i>You Can’t Take It With You</i>

64
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Oh, I’m getting dizzy.

65
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,241
And corn again.

66
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,744
{\an8}Maybe we should
split up.

67
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:23,745
{\an8}Split up?!

68
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,872
{\an8}Marge, no! We can
fix this marriage!

69
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,332
No, no,
I didn’t mean...

70
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,708
Fine, you want out?
Then go!

71
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,501
{\an8}I can make it on my own!

72
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:33,087
{\an8}Before I met you,
I had friends and dreams!

73
00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:34,631
I was talking
about...

74
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,549
{\an8}Oh, please
take me back.

75
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,718
{\an8}The dating scene
is a nightmare.

76
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,762
{\an8}I’m begging you!

77
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:45,266
{\an8}I just meant we should split
up to get out of this corn maze.

78
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:48,436
{\an8}Deep down, I...
I guess I knew that.

79
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:51,606
{\an8}Now there must
be a way out!

80
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,024
Of our marriage?!
I don’t want to live!

81
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:56,653
{\an8}(shrieking, blubbering)

82
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,071
{\an8}(distant):
I don’t want to live...!

83
00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,031
{\an8}(Marge growls)

84
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,075
HOMER:
Hey, this maze is made of corn!

85
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:06,412
(panting)

86
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:08,373
I’m so sick of being lost.

87
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:09,999
{\an8}To hell with maze etiquette!

88
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,502
{\an8}I’m walking straight outta here!

89
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,087
{\an8}(screams)

90
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,089
{\an8}(whimpers)

91
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:19,467
Damn it!

92
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,054
(moans)

93
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,890
{\an8}How come things that
happen to stupid people

94
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,517
{\an8}keep happening to me?

95
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,311
{\an8}Finally!

96
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,980
{\an8}I knew we could
solve that maze

97
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,731
using Tremaux’s
algorithm.

98
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:34,732
Told you.

99
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:35,733
{\an8}No, you didn’t.

100
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,777
{\an8}Your plan was to
burn the corn.

101
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,195
That was never my plan.

102
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:46,786
HOMER (echoing from distance):
I’m lost and I’m starving!

103
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:49,372
Eat some corn!

104
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,833
I don’t have
any holders!

105
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:53,293
Now, don’t worry,
ma’am.

106
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:56,379
We’ll send a member of
our elite canine unit in

107
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:57,547
to find your
husband’s corpse.

108
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:58,589
(gasps)

109
00:04:58,673 --> 00:04:59,799
Uh-- <i>living </i>corpse.

110
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,468
Say hello
to Officer Jaws!

111
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,512
(weak growl)

112
00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:07,849
Chief, I’m afraid Officer
Jaws is guilty of littering...

113
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,809
and here’s the litter!

114
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:14,105
Okay, everyone--
puppy party at my house!

115
00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,773
(crowd cheers)

116
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,066
Oh!

117
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,444
Don’t worry! Our dog
will find my dad!

118
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,486
We need you, boy!

119
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:22,780
We need you, boy!

120
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:26,993
(whimpering)

121
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,459
Good boy!

122
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:35,668
Now go find Homer!

123
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,753
(questioning bark)

124
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,754
He needs something

125
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,213
with your
father’s scent.

126
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,757
Maybe there’s something
in Dad’s backpack.

127
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,927
A sports bra?

128
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,681
He just needs it for
walking upstairs.

129
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,268
(barking)

130
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:05,907
(squawks)

131
00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:14,165
(synthesized voice):
This maze is too hard for me.

132
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,883
{\an8}"To my wife Marge.

133
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,885
{\an8}In case I don’t make it,

134
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:29,138
{\an8}here are my Oscar picks
for next year--

135
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,058
{\an8}Best Sound Effects Editing:
the team from..."

136
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,476
{\an8}Huh?

137
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:34,602
Ahh...

138
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:40,274
-Dad!
-Dad!

139
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:43,152
Your dog’s
quite a tracker.

140
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:46,030
Say, has he ever thought about
A career in law enforcement?

141
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,492
(whimpering)

142
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:55,331
Um, I don’t think
he’s ever thought
about anything.

143
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,126
Santa’s Little Helper
would be an awesome
police dog.

144
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,752
Can he, Dad?
Can he?

145
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,587
No, and never bring it
up again!

146
00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,005
-Please, can he?
-All right.

147
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,767
Boy, it is going to be so cool
when you’re a police dog.

148
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:18,855
(gasps)

149
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:19,856
(growling)

150
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,024
(gasping)

151
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,196
(whistles)

152
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:30,741
(screams)

153
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,121
Good boy!

154
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:36,456
Now, transform.

155
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,585
(laughs)

156
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,338
Cool.

157
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,217
CHIEF WIGGUM:
All right, listen up.

158
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:51,387
For the next two weeks,
I’m gonna be your worst enemy,

159
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,222
except this Thursday
is the Fourth of July,

160
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,141
so we’ll take Friday off
as well.

161
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,143
Well, I guess Wednesday
everybody’s going to be thinking

162
00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:59,187
about the long weekend, so...
eh, what the hell?

163
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,980
Why don’t we just take
the whole week off?

164
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:03,941
Why did you let me do that?

165
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,151
We are so far behind.

166
00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:06,694
(dogs growling)

167
00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:12,074
Nice work, canines.

168
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,659
Bring in the next group.

169
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,661
(whinnying)

170
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,544
(barking)

171
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,558
Uh, should I get this blow
back to the cage, Chief?

172
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,228
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
"Blow? Cage"?

173
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,604
You’re in uniform,
Lou.

174
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:42,772
Don’t slang it up.

175
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,485
It is my privilege to welcome
this fine group of animals

176
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,820
into the Springfield
Police Force.

177
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:51,239
And now to give your
commencement address,

178
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,907
the most famous mayor of

179
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,368
New York
since Caleb Smith Woodhull,

180
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,954
Rudolph Giuliani!

181
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,873
(clears throat)
Friends, parents, Chief Wiggum.

182
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,333
What?

183
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:03,417
And of course graduates!

184
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,169
Who’s a good boy?
You’re a good boy!

185
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,212
Look at that tail.

186
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,880
Waggy waggy waggy!

187
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,048
Who’s got a fuzzy tum-tum?

188
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:11,008
You got a fuzzy tum-tum.

189
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:13,135
Who wants a treat?
You wants a treat.

190
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:16,305
I wish someone had
told me that at my graduation.

191
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:19,225
Listen to me, rook, these
streets are hard.

192
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:22,562
It ain’t like <i>Air Bud V:</i>
<i>Strong Arm Of The Paw.</i>

193
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,897
<i>Attention all units:</i>
<i>domestic disturbance in progres</i>

194
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,482
<i>at Rural Route 27.</i>

195
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,109
Domestic disturbance?!

196
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,027
You’re gonna have one hell
of a first day, boy.

197
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,237
Squeak ’em
if you got ’em.

198
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,155
(toy squeaking)

199
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:37,618
You gave that hog
a day of beauty,

200
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,537
and I didn’t get nothing!

201
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,747
Manicure...
pedicure...

202
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,208
exfoliation!

203
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,459
(startled bark)

204
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,460
Don’t worry, boy,

205
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,045
she just knocked
a few fleas off you.

206
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,505
You’re gonna be okay.

207
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,631
We need backup now!

208
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,637
Cletus, you coward!

209
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:58,389
Is you man or turtle?

210
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,099
Here’s your answer.

211
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:02,059
Skittle, skittle,
scurry, skittle.

212
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:06,272
Okay, since the dog’s not here,
I’m gonna take you for a walk.

213
00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:13,863
(yowls)

214
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:14,864
(sighs)

215
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:16,782
What’s the matter, Bart?

216
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,243
Oh, I miss Santa’s
Little Helper.

217
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,622
I wanted him to be a police dog,
but now he has no time for me.

218
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,956
I even have to eat
my own homework.

219
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,169
(coughing)

220
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,920
(electrical buzzing)

221
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,345
(whimpering)

222
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:38,679
Hey, could you
set us up down here?

223
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:46,937
Easy there, pal.

224
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,105
We just started
our shift.

225
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,231
(growls)

226
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,691
(walkie-talkie squelches)

227
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,151
<i>WIGGUM:</i>
<i>Attention K-9 unit.</i>

228
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,779
<i>We got an 866 in progress</i>
<i>at the park. Over.</i>

229
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,405
Chief, why are you using
the walkie-talkie?

230
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,407
I can hear you fine.

231
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,326
Fine. Let’s not use
any of our police equipment.

232
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,332
So, uh, you got
any steroids?

233
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,416
Oh, you know it.

234
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,876
I can make you huge.

235
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,378
(all gasp)

236
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,421
I want to pump my guns.

237
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,798
I want to rip my pecs.

238
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,841
I want to shriv my nards.

239
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,427
"Nards," that’s what
we needed to hear.

240
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,470
Freeze!

241
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:20,763
(all gasp)

242
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,181
Ha!

243
00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:24,684
Nobody ever freezes.
Might as well just say "run."

244
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,858
Catch me if you can,
little bow-wow.

245
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:33,776
Ha-ha!

246
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,950
(snarling)

247
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,829
No!

248
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:54,046
Nice work... partner.

249
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,050
(ducks quacking)

250
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,389
(deep, guttural):
Quack, quack, quack...

251
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:11,355
You stand accused of giving
hope to scrawny young men.

252
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:12,398
How do you plead?

253
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,900
Guilty...
of being innocent!

254
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,569
(all laugh)

255
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:19,405
(snarling)

256
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:20,906
Well, I’m afraid,

257
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,367
because of this improperly
filled-out police report,

258
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,369
I have no choice
but to let you go.

259
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,579
Case dismissed.

260
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:27,913
Ho-ho!
Don’t worry, dude,

261
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,206
I’m going straight...

262
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:32,334
straight to my customers
to sell more drugs.

263
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,462
(growls)

264
00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:38,716
Listen, man, you
got to let it go.

265
00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,718
Relax for a couple
days with your family.

266
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:41,719
Come back fresh on Monday.

267
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:47,767
(growls)

268
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,351
Boy, you’re back!

269
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,313
Ow! You bit me!

270
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,398
My own dog bit me!

271
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,076
I can’t believe it.

272
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,828
My own dog bit me.

273
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,080
Now that he’s had
a taste of human flesh,

274
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,750
the dog will be a slave
to its succulence.

275
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:13,834
Look at him eyeing me.

276
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,044
He knows I taste best.

277
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,420
Don’t blame
the dog, folks.

278
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,422
A cop’s life
is so intense,

279
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,965
he has to channel it
somewhere.

280
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,967
Me, I knit
violent imagery.

281
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:25,846
Pretty grim, huh?

282
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:29,058
Oh, I love Santa’s Little
Helper, but I don’t know

283
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,060
if we can have him
in our home anymore.

284
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,812
Mom, you can’t
send him away!

285
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,563
He’s a dog,
not Grandpa!

286
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,274
What if Santa’s Little Helper
stops being a police dog,

287
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:40,236
then he can get a nonviolent
job like barking songs

288
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,737
on novelty Christmas records.

289
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,239
You can do it, boy!

290
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:47,284
(barking "The Dreidel Song")

291
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,203
No, boy, that’s Hanukah!

292
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,580
Forget it, kid.
He’s a cop now.

293
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,374
Well,
I bet he can’t resist this.

294
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,125
Fetch, boy!

295
00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,297
My God! I’ve lost him.

296
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,132
(Homer barking)

297
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:03,133
Homer!

298
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,468
(chortling)

299
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,761
Oh, relax, Marge.

300
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:06,846
I’m just messing
with you.

301
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,472
I know
I’m not a dog.

302
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,557
I’m a people, like you.

303
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,226
(water running)
(growling)

304
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:13,686
Homer, it’s just Flanders.

305
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:14,854
You know him.

306
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,564
(growling and barking)

307
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,487
You’re going to live
with me now ’cause...

308
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,155
’cause only cops
understand cops.

309
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,283
Hey, Lou, want to party tonight?

310
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,034
Oh, not tonight,
Sharquelle.

311
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,578
I’m hanging out
with my new roommate.

312
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,747
Oh, my God!
A police dog!

313
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:36,166
Oh, I have a friend
who would love him.

314
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,963
(whimpering)

315
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,800
Okay, but just remember:
They don’t love us.

316
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,177
They just
love the uniform.

317
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,805
All right, now,
who’s going with who?

318
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,851
I don’t want
a new dog.

319
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,436
I want my old dog.
The one who bit me.

320
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,062
Cheer up, boy.

321
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:59,106
We’ll get you their
most vicious street cur!

322
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:00,941
He’ll bite your ass raw!

323
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,276
No street curs!

324
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,656
That’s it!
I want a snake!

325
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,117
Oh, no problem, pally.

326
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,745
Our pythons cost
five dollars a foot.

327
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,750
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

328
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,293
We’re not made of money!

329
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,753
All right.

330
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:23,881
(blade whacks)

331
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,596
He is so awesome.

332
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:32,556
I already love him
more than I love Lisa.

333
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,392
It says here
don’t bother naming them.

334
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,978
Snakes have poor hearing,
and only live to strangle.

335
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:41,065
I like it. "Strangles."

336
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:42,816
Hey, Lis, you want
to touch Strangles?

337
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,109
He’s not slimy at all.

338
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,986
He’s scaly.

339
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,030
Eww! He <i>is </i>slimy!

340
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:49,531
That’s because
I soaked him in slime!

341
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,075
(laughing)

342
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,534
Why, you little...

343
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,412
I’ll teach you
to trick your sister!

344
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,624
(both choking)

345
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:03,837
Homer, can you breathe?

346
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:07,216
Well, I can breathe out okay.

347
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,093
(wheezing)

348
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:13,097
Don’t... give...
snake... attention.

349
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:19,436
It’s what...
he really... wants!

350
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:20,437
I’m okay.

351
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:23,816
After months of practice,

352
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:27,152
I have trained my rabbit
to hop in perfect tempo

353
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:31,615
to Mussorgsky’s immortal
<i>Pictures at an Exhibition.</i>

354
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,785
Now for some hip-hop
we can all get down with!

355
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,162
(gasps)

356
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:45,796
Bart Simpson, you can’t
bring a python to school!

357
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:46,922
Hey, don’t
ask me to show

358
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,090
if you can’t
handle the tell.

359
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:49,758
(all laughing)

360
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,636
Well, I’m going to <i>show </i>you
to the principal,

361
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,347
and <i>tell </i>him
all about it.

362
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,932
(laughing)

363
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,728
Mine was as funny as his.

364
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,855
No one’s arguing with you, lady.

365
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:04,815
Now, can we
just learn something?

366
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:05,983
Oh!
The snake’s getting away!

367
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,115
(alarm blaring)

368
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,783
(all screaming)

369
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,077
(siren wailing)

370
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:22,666
(sniffing)

371
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,671
(barking)

372
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,298
The snake
must be in there.

373
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,218
(barking)

374
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,763
(growling)

375
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,681
(playful growling)

376
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,852
You miss him,
don’t you?

377
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,771
Lou, he’s got
to get over it.

378
00:17:43,854 --> 00:17:45,439
I miss Shamrock Shakes,

379
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,024
but they ain’t coming
back till March!

380
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,275
You know, Chief,
Shamrock Shakes

381
00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:50,069
are just vanilla shakes
colored green.

382
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,695
I taste the flavor.

383
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,197
It’s a very mild mint.

384
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,740
Well, maybe, because
it’s a minty color,

385
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:55,908
your mind
is fooling your tongue.

386
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,034
I know what I taste!

387
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:59,328
I got to go with
the chief on this one.

388
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,913
Whoa! There’s
a big surprise.

389
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,201
Hey, Lou, what’s your
favorite thing in the world,

390
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:42,913
so I can dump
all over that?

391
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:46,583
(all screaming)

392
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,460
Time for a head count.

393
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:49,586
Children, line up according
to height.

394
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:51,213
No, weight.

395
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,215
No, the sum total of the letters
in your last name

396
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:54,842
if each letter
is assigned a numeric value

397
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,510
according to its place
in the alphabet.

398
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:57,427
Quickly, now!

399
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,849
Deadly toxic cloud!
Deadly toxic cloud!

400
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,811
Bart’s missing.

401
00:19:05,894 --> 00:19:06,895
He must still be
in the school!

402
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,731
(whimpering)

403
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,275
No, boy!
It’s too dangerous!

404
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:12,985
Let him go, Lou.

405
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:14,820
He’s not following
his nose this time.

406
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,864
He’s following
his heart.

407
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,490
Sometimes I forget
why you’re chief,

408
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,450
but I remember now!

409
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,786
You follow
your heart, boy!

410
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:29,126
Here, Strangles!
Strangles?

411
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:33,130
(woozily):
Oh...

412
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:36,717
Oh, man, it’s like
some chemicals cut one.

413
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,931
Strangles, you came to save me!

414
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,642
Santa’s Little Helper,
you came, too!

415
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,820
Sorry, but a boy’s got
to go with his dog.

416
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:09,333
And... saved!

417
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:13,212
Hero cop saves boy!
Hero cop saves boy!

418
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,681
Oh, I knew
you loved me, boy!

419
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:27,184
Now you can be
my dog again.

420
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,151
Don’t worry.
I’ll give ya a home.

421
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:40,530
That’ll do, snake.

422
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,993
That’ll do.

423
00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:36,420
Shh!

424
00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:38,505
Captioned by VISUAL DATA

425
00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:41,591
Enhanced by Fotokem

