1 00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:06,256 {\an8}Come on, everybody. 2 00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,466 Time for the family portrait. 3 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:09,467 (toys squeaking and rattling) 4 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,136 Let’s bunch together now. 5 00:00:11,219 --> 00:00:12,053 Here we go. 6 00:00:13,221 --> 00:00:14,139 Move it! 7 00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:16,307 Perfecto. 8 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:17,642 Everybody smile. 9 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,477 I’m going to set the automatic timer. 10 00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:24,149 Almost ready. Here we go. 11 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,817 Let’s get this show on the road, man. 12 00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:27,027 We got things to do. 13 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,111 Yeah, Dad. 14 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,446 Okay, here we go. 15 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,406 Make room for Jumbo. 16 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,033 -What’d you say? -Nothing. 17 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:35,285 All right, everybody, squeeze in real tight. 18 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,996 I want to get us all in the picture this time. 19 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,372 Closer. 20 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,290 Closer! 21 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,711 Okay, hold still. 22 00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,880 This is the last picture on the roll. 23 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:48,131 Praise the Lord. 24 00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,841 You watch your mouth, you little smart-ass. 25 00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,635 LISA: Yeah, Bart. 26 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,387 Nothing’s going to ruin this one. 27 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,847 The timer’s a-ticking. 28 00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,098 Bart’s making faces, Dad. 29 00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,016 Bart! 30 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:02,228 This one’s going to be the Simpsons at our finest. 31 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,730 Smile, look cheerful. 32 00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:07,984 Here we go. Here we go. 33 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,360 Here we go. 34 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:10,862 Why, you little... 35 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,295 {\an8}MARGE: Kitty cat. 36 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:31,299 {\an8}Elmo. 37 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,890 {\an8}Um... uh... 38 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,061 {\an8}Watering can. 39 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:44,938 {\an8}(gasping) 40 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:46,064 {\an8}This is a nightmare. 41 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,816 {\an8}We’re getting blown out of the water. 42 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,567 {\an8}Eh, what can I say? 43 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,820 {\an8}Maggie and I share a special bond. 44 00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:58,493 {\an8}School bus? 45 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,078 {\an8}Bart and Lisa? 46 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,039 {\an8}Bart and Lisa are almost home from school, 47 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,250 {\an8}and we have a dentist appointment at 3:00. 48 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,417 {\an8}Thanks, Maggie. 49 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,214 {\an8}We win by forfeit. 50 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,299 {\an8}The sweetest win there is. 51 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,511 {\an8}(puffing noisily) 52 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,221 {\an8}(starter motor revving) 53 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,723 {\an8}It won’t start. 54 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,017 {\an8}I’ll just use Homer’s AAA card. 55 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:27,939 American Applesauce Association? 56 00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,149 {\an8}We’re going to have to run. 57 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,068 There isn’t even time to stretch my quads. 58 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,695 My quads! 59 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:36,197 Every stride is a nightmare! 60 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:40,368 (yodeling theme from Raising Arizona playing) 61 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,594 -Whoops. -Aww. 62 00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:58,428 (nervous chuckle) 63 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,054 WIGGUM: Ow! 64 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,639 How you holding up, Maggie? 65 00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,099 (truck horn honking) 66 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,350 (screaming) 67 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,102 (yelling) 68 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,729 (horn honking) 69 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,148 (yodeling continues) 70 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,322 (yelping) 71 00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,032 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 72 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:26,539 (squeaking, snarling) 73 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:27,457 Hey, Marge. 74 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,256 Oh! Ah! Oh! Oh! 75 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:41,054 (bagpipes playing) 76 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:46,142 (leprechaun speaking gibberish) 77 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,064 (barking) 78 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:55,360 MARGE: We’re gonna make it. 79 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:57,111 (panting) 80 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,530 Marge Simpson, I just heard the most delicious piece of gossip. 81 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:00,949 MARGE: Tell me later! 82 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:01,866 {\an8}(yelling) 83 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,120 Oh, hi, kids. 84 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,164 You’re just in time to go to the dentist. 85 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,791 Dentist? 86 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,585 {\an8}You said we were going to ride dirt bikes around the cemetery. 87 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,588 {\an8}Oh, Bart, you fall for that every six months. 88 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,549 {\an8}Hey, suckers, check it out. 89 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,844 {\an8}Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery. 90 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,013 {\an8}You’re going to the dentist, too, Dad. 91 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:28,476 {\an8}Why the cemetery, I wondered, but my dreams were too strong. 92 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,395 (drill whirring) 93 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:32,689 {\an8}Ah... 94 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,358 {\an8}Mr. Simpson, have you been flossing regularly? 95 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:36,567 {\an8}Absolutely. 96 00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:37,986 {\an8}All the time. 97 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,988 {\an8}I go to the floss store and they’re like, 98 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,198 {\an8}"Whoa, there he is again." 99 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,909 {\an8}(nervous chuckle): ’Cause I buy so much floss. 100 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,286 Let’s just get started. 101 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,540 {\an8}Oh, my God! My gums! 102 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:52,583 {\an8}They hurt so much! 103 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,210 {\an8}I haven’t started yet. 104 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,130 {\an8}I know, but a breeze from the window went in my mouth. 105 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,548 {\an8}(sighs) 106 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,883 (screaming) 107 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,428 {\an8}(screaming continues) 108 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:04,679 {\an8}You butcher! 109 00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,431 {\an8}Don’t worry, sweetie. 110 00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,058 {\an8}I’m sure that man has some special tooth problem. 111 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,978 {\an8}HOMER: I don’t even have a special tooth problem! 112 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:14,564 {\an8}This is just a routine checkup! 113 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:17,817 (screaming continues) 114 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,153 Oh, the bib is choking me! 115 00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,904 (with normal voice): It’s over? 116 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,032 (chuckles): That wasn’t so bad. 117 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,783 This tape explains oral hygiene 118 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,577 in a way that’s exciting for kids. 119 00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,746 (hip-hop style announcer): 120 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,051 Damn, baby got bacteria. 121 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,053 You want to stick it to these whiteys? 122 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,554 Hey, I’m down with OPP-- 123 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,848 "Ongoing periodontal problems." 124 00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:50,183 Break it down. 125 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,268 (upbeat music playing) 126 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:04,155 MAN: Hey, you low-life degenerates, 127 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,240 stop illin’ with the fillin’. 128 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:09,827 Luda-Crest. 129 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,543 ♪ I’m the enemy of the cavity ♪ 130 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,212 ♪ Unstoppable like gravity ♪ 131 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,880 ♪ So brush with regularity ♪ 132 00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:22,924 ♪ Or you will face calamity ♪ 133 00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:24,592 ♪ I’ll see ya in Atlanta, GA ♪ 134 00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:27,053 ♪ Dirty, dirty mouth, y’all. ♪ 135 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:28,888 This film is against tooth decay, 136 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,556 but it also kind of glamorizes it. 137 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,309 Mixed signals, hmm... 138 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,605 This is the greatest movie ever. 139 00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:39,482 Dad, that’s Ludicrous! 140 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,150 I have a right to my views. 141 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,569 No! I mean Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, 142 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,696 right here in the dental plaza! 143 00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:47,198 Hey, man, that video was made 144 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,992 for a onetime only showing in Canada, understand? 145 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,452 Do ya? 146 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,704 I’m sorry. There must have been some sort of misunder... 147 00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,707 Expect a letter from Cap In The Ass Productions 148 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,502 and its head legal counsel, Ms. Melissa Burlingame! 149 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,962 Peace out! 150 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:04,090 Here’s a free toothbrush. 151 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,508 Keep those teeth clean. 152 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,927 So you’re saying I should do your job for you, 153 00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:09,345 at home, for free. 154 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,638 You wish. 155 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:11,973 (humming) 156 00:07:14,058 --> 00:07:17,270 WOMAN: Okay, Principal Skinner, I want you to relax. 157 00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,147 Just lie completely at ease 158 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,315 while I administer the nitrous. 159 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,650 I shall. 160 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,861 (breathes deeply) 161 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,446 The dentist will be here in a minute. 162 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,614 He’ll know exactly what he’s doing. 163 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,283 Don’t resist in any way. 164 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,535 (whistling) 165 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,414 (evil chuckle) 166 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:40,168 (humming) 167 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,295 Good afternoon, Principal Stinkface. 168 00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:43,463 Dr. Bart. 169 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,714 Let’s see... 170 00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,215 according to your charts, 171 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,010 you’re due for your annual throat scraping. 172 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:52,638 Uh-oh, I’m feeling a lot of cooties down there. 173 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,182 We may need to replace a tooth. 174 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,061 (groans) 175 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,984 Now rinse. 176 00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,777 Finally, I’m going to take an X-ray 177 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,447 so lie perfectly still for 20 minutes. 178 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,324 (machine buzzing) 179 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:14,327 Don’ you love that clean mouth feeling? 180 00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,578 Sure do. 181 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,121 Let’s go get ice cream. 182 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,332 I can’t wait to get the freshness out of my mouth. 183 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:22,335 I’m going to glue my mouth shut with butterscotch. 184 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:25,838 (sighs): Oh. Yay. 185 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,217 What the hell is a fundae? 186 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,427 It’s a sundae that’s fun. 187 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,013 I like that, but I’m on a bit of a health kick. 188 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:36,265 So I’ll take the low-fat vanilla-- 189 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,725 with the following mix-ins: 190 00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,268 Snickles, Gooey Bears, 191 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,188 Charlottesville Chew, Nice ’N’ Many, 192 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:46,400 Kat Kit, Herschel’s Smooches, Mrs. Bad Bar, and Milk Dudes. 193 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,443 Cup or cone? 194 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,237 Uh... cone! 195 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,696 (gasps) (bell ringing) 196 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:54,367 ♪ Celebrate good times, come on... ♪ 197 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,369 Congratulations. 198 00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:59,205 You just purchased the one millionth ice-cream cone 199 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:01,040 sold by this store! 200 00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:02,917 Oh, my God, this is amazing! 201 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,502 Wait, I’m gonna be driving. 202 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:05,878 I’ll go for the cup. 203 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,672 -(music stops) -BART: Dad! 204 00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,340 Fine, cone. 205 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:12,134 -(bell rings, music resumes) -What’s this?! 206 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,011 Tonight on Smartline, 207 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,638 a provocative discussion of the Middle East... 208 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,139 will not be featured. 209 00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,808 Instead, we’ll be talking to a man 210 00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,434 who bought an ice-cream cone. 211 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,311 That’s me. 212 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,938 Of course that has nothing to do with the fact 213 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,314 that this station and the ice-cream company 214 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,566 are owned by the same corporation, 215 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,109 but I digress. 216 00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:29,777 All right, let’s just get through this. 217 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,362 Mr. Simpson, tell us how it felt 218 00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,447 when you bought the fateful treat. 219 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,949 I’ve never been to war, 220 00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:37,618 but I imagine it feels just like your first kill. 221 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,870 The happiness swept me away! 222 00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:41,581 (screams) That hurt like a... 223 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,832 (muttered obscenities) 224 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,586 What’d I miss? 225 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:49,088 Kent Brockman said a horrible swear. 226 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:50,047 Which one? 227 00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,260 Uh, I’ll Etch-A-Sketch it for you. 228 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,345 Etch... sketch... etch... sketch... 229 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,097 (cries out) 230 00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,348 Shake it! Shake it! 231 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,727 It won’t come off. 232 00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:04,729 Where’s the hammer? 233 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,273 (sighs) 234 00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:13,321 Earlier on this broadcast, I said a word so vile 235 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:15,698 it should only be uttered by Satan himself 236 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,450 while sitting on the toilet. 237 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,076 I apologize, 238 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,745 and will make a large donation 239 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,246 to charities that fight teen cursing. 240 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,456 Good night. 241 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,791 (sighs heavily) 242 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,421 Hmph, people don’t seem so mad. 243 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,383 Uh, excuse me, sir. 244 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,843 Did you see my broadcast tonight? 245 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,970 Oh, God, no, I get my news from the Internet 246 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,097 like every other normal person under 70. 247 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,350 Farewell, dinosaur. 248 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,268 No one saw my show. 249 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,562 So, no one heard my filthy faux pas. 250 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:47,855 My career is safe. 251 00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:49,398 Well, the important thing is 252 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,484 we got through this crisis together. 253 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:52,902 That makes us friends, right? 254 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,695 Uh, hey, look, it’s the airport bus. 255 00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:55,738 You should get on it. 256 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:56,822 (deflated): Okay. 257 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,411 America West, please. 258 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,707 GRAMPA: I can’t believe 259 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,376 Kent Brockman got away with it. 260 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:11,545 Back in my day, TV stars couldn’t say "booby," 261 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:15,383 "tushie," "burp," "fanny burp," "water closet," "underpants," 262 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,510 "dingle-dangle," "Boston marriage," 263 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,720 "LBJ," "Titicaca," 264 00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:22,848 "hot dog," or "front lumps"! 265 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,562 I’m not sure Brockman’s out of the woods yet. 266 00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,565 There are a lot of religious watchdog groups out there 267 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:34,694 keeping the world safe from the horror of free expression. 268 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,863 You mean there are losers who spend all day watching TV 269 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,699 looking for stuff to complain about? 270 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,325 Who’d be lame enough to do that? 271 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,078 Okay, Smallville... 272 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:46,038 super dog licks himself. 273 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,249 That definitely goes in the naughty pile. 274 00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:50,000 Hmph. 275 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,213 60 Minutes... 276 00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:57,508 Morley Safer has questionable pants fold. 277 00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:58,926 The L Word... 278 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,761 Used the "L" word. 279 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,934 And now to peruse the local news. 280 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,563 The happiness swept me away. 281 00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,648 (screams) Oh, that hurt like a... 282 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,816 (whistles, toots, chimes) 283 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,901 (crows) 284 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,445 (gasps): God’s least favorite word 285 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,071 uttered on the public airwaves. 286 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:22,867 "To: Online Christian Soldiers. 287 00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:26,328 Subject: Televised Super Swear." 288 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,205 Daddy, what are you doing? 289 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,999 Imploring people I never met 290 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,667 to pressure a government with better things to do 291 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,002 to punish a man who meant no harm 292 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,462 for something nobody even saw. 293 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,379 That’s what I’m doing. 294 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,467 Daddy, we think you need a new mommy. 295 00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:41,051 First things first. 296 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,390 {\an8}The Federal Communications Commission announced today 297 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,184 {\an8}it will launch a full inquiry 298 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,978 {\an8}into garbage-tongued anchorman Kent Brockman? 299 00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:53,814 {\an8}In a related story, Channel Six will demote Brockman 300 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,858 {\an8}to... weekend weatherman?! 301 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,486 {\an8}Dear God, this can’t be happening. 302 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,702 (flat): It’s a glorious day here in Springfield. 303 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,913 Light winds, low humidity. 304 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,831 Now, let’s check the five-day forecast. 305 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,625 What the...?! 306 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,251 (high-pitched): Even the map thinks you stink, Kent. 307 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,128 (laughing) 308 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,298 {\an8}(deep voice): In breaking news, the FCC has just handed down 309 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:22,259 {\an8}a record ten million dollar fine against Channel Six 310 00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:25,638 {\an8}for Kent Brockman’s shameful swear-nami. 311 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,056 {\an8}(high-pitched): Ten million dollars?! 312 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,266 {\an8}Looks like Newshound, the Channel Six mascot, 313 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,769 {\an8}is gonna have to go without his lazy-eye surgery. 314 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:32,937 {\an8}(whimpers) 315 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,605 {\an8}Sorry, boy. 316 00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:35,481 No, I’m over here. 317 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,274 Over here! 318 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,776 I got a treat for you. 319 00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:40,945 Oh! Now he’s gonna starve. 320 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:42,988 Proud of yourself, Kent? 321 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,157 (sighs heavily) 322 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:48,327 Kids, your old pal Krusty has had to make a few cutbacks 323 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,955 because of a huge fine levied against the station. 324 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,665 (cheering): Yay! 325 00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,333 That’s a bad thing. 326 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,836 Anyway, we can’t afford to pay the voice actors 327 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,338 on Itchy and Scratchy, so I’m doing the voices myself. 328 00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:01,173 Roll it. 329 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,342 I’m a cat walking down the street 330 00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:04,802 swinging my arms. 331 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,846 Look, a lady made of dynamite! 332 00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:07,721 Wait, I don’t know that yet. 333 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,474 How about a smooch? 334 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,725 Kablooey! 335 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,813 Here comes the mouse, what’s-his-name. 336 00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,356 That was me that done that. 337 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:19,525 But it ain’t enough, so here’s this. 338 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,569 That’s what you get for, uh, I don’t know, 339 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,529 messing with my wife. And it goes on. 340 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,990 (spattered applause) 341 00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,493 Damn that Brockman! 342 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,537 There are only two rules in TV: 343 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,956 don’t swear, and don’t whip it out. 344 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,541 It’s not rocket science. 345 00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,003 Kent, can we talk? 346 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,130 I’m not fired, am I? 347 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:44,341 No, no, this station stands by its reporters. 348 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,343 Say, what’s that powder in your coffee? 349 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,386 Is it cocaine? 350 00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:48,971 No, it’s Splenda. 351 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:50,556 Spare me your slang, pusher man. 352 00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:52,099 You’re fired! 353 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:56,770 (Midnight Cowboy harmonica theme plays) 354 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,412 (thunder crashing) 355 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,335 Haw, haw! 356 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,211 Your distinguished career is over! 357 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:36,810 (groaning) 358 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:39,355 Marge, the couch is lumpy! 359 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,148 That’s because you’re sitting on me, you lummox! 360 00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:42,483 Kent Brockman! 361 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:45,152 I invited him to stay with us for a few days. 362 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:46,987 His career is ruined. 363 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:50,449 And I was afraid he might commit you-know-what-icide. 364 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:51,617 I’m sorry, Marge, 365 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,285 but I won’t live under the same roof 366 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,955 as a member of the liberal media. 367 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,998 You’ll have to excuse him. 368 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,376 He’s been watching a lot of Fox News. 369 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,002 Did you know that every day 370 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,088 Mexican gays sneak into this country 371 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:07,466 and unplug our brain-dead ladies? 372 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,093 We have to take in Mr. Brockman. 373 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,511 He wouldn’t be in this mess 374 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,596 if you hadn’t dumped coffee on his lap. 375 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,182 Oh, sure, put down a simple guy like me 376 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:17,351 who works hard and plays by the rules. 377 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,019 Dad, you barely go to work at all. 378 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,313 And you’re constantly flouting the law. 379 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,440 I’m willing to change my mind and that makes me great. 380 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,650 You can stay. 381 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,111 But you have to give us an 8X10 for our wall 382 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:29,196 of Casual Acquaintances Who Came to Stay For A While. 383 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,491 Apu sang a song. 384 00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:33,951 What are you gonna do? 385 00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:41,291 TV ANNOUNCER: Can 15 strippers run their own airline? 386 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,794 Find out tonight on Fox’s newest reality hit, 387 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,421 Landing Strip. 388 00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:49,466 Ladies, check out what I can do with the oxygen masks. 389 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,051 (wild cheering) 390 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,219 What a great show. 391 00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:54,179 Real people with real problems. 392 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,180 (sighs) 393 00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,432 (clicks) 394 00:16:56,515 --> 00:17:00,227 This is Fox News with the latest liberal outrage. 395 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,980 It seems liberals want to give NASA the right 396 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,858 to abort space missions whenever they feel like it. 397 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,234 Liberals... 398 00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:09,194 I hate them so much. 399 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,654 One thing I’ve always wondered, 400 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,990 how can Fox News be so conservative 401 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:15,409 when the Fox network keeps airing raunchy shows? 402 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,577 They don’t fit together. 403 00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:17,453 -(remote clicks) -Whoo-hoo! 404 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,038 Liberals hate families. 405 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,164 -Liberals... -(remote clicks) 406 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:21,206 Whoo-hoo! 407 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:22,499 Liberals. Whoo-hoo! 408 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,209 Liberals. Whoo-hoo! 409 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,502 Liberals. Whoo-hoo! 410 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,337 Liberals. Whoo...! 411 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,007 Fox deliberately runs shows that will earn them huge fines 412 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,341 which are then funneled through the FCC 413 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,593 straight to the Republican party. 414 00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:33,719 Everybody in the media knows it, 415 00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,137 but no one has the guts to say it. 416 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,847 Not true. You’ve got the guts, 417 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,348 and I’ve got a web cam. 418 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,017 This time you can tell the truth. 419 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,269 And swear like a lumberjack who hacked off a leg. 420 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:44,438 Let’s do it. 421 00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:45,773 -(clicks remote) -...hoo! 422 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,107 Whoo-hoo? 423 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,150 Liberals? 424 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,401 Whoo-hoo? 425 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,824 Here we go. 426 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,827 Four, three, two... 427 00:17:58,911 --> 00:17:59,953 Good evening. 428 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,247 Thank you for inviting me into your laps. 429 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:04,708 Friends, the press and the government are in bed together 430 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,044 in an embrace so intimate and wrong, 431 00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:08,921 they could spoon on a twin mattress 432 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,464 and still have room for Ted Koppel. 433 00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:13,467 Journalists used to questions the reasons for war 434 00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,594 and expose abuse of power. 435 00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,262 Now, like toothless babies, 436 00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,224 they suckle on the sugary teat of misinformation 437 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:23,393 and poop it into the diaper we call the 6:00 news. 438 00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:24,770 Demand more of your government. 439 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,355 Demand more of your press. 440 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,775 {\an8}Fellow primate, this is a wake-up call. 441 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,443 {\an8}(chattering) 442 00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,864 {\an8}BROCKMAN: Vote out your so-called representatives. 443 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,825 Reject your corporate masters. 444 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,576 Buy nothing. Hug your children. 445 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,619 Love the one you’re with. 446 00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:42,246 Look at that rabble-rouser. 447 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,915 He’s threatening our ill-gotten gains. 448 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,250 Galdarn it! 449 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:49,002 I worked hard to ill-get those gains. 450 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,963 How do we stop him? 451 00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,673 I could Dracula bite him. 452 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,216 (groaning) 453 00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,301 Actually, Krusty and I’ve been working on a plan 454 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,427 to take out Brockman. 455 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:58,428 You want to start? 456 00:18:58,512 --> 00:18:59,930 No, why don’t you start? 457 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,682 Oh, but you’re so good at starting. 458 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:02,724 You really think so? 459 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,102 -Oh, I know so. Go on. -All right. 460 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:08,188 Do you think there’s something going on between those two? 461 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,566 To find out, I could turn myself into a bat 462 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,234 and follow them around. 463 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,820 Oh, you couldn’t even get our pizza orders right. 464 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:18,448 Every order is half this, half that, it’s confusing! 465 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:26,081 Kent, your righteous political commentary rocks. 466 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,876 Yeah, you know how many stars out of five I gave 467 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,420 the YouTube of your webcast? Five! 468 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:32,880 And I never give five. 469 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,090 It’s true, he never does. 470 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,301 Mr. Brockman, you’re a huge hit. 471 00:19:37,384 --> 00:19:39,136 Really? How wide is the web? 472 00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:40,679 -World. -Wow. 473 00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:42,264 (engine revs) 474 00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,892 Kent, we want to offer you your old job back 475 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,685 with a 50% pay increase. 476 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,854 Hmph. 477 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,983 Lisa, close your eyes for two seconds. 478 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:56,236 (sighs): One, two... 479 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,946 I held out as long as I could! 480 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,328 I guess there’s just no place for truth and bravery 481 00:20:04,411 --> 00:20:05,913 in today’s media. 482 00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:08,665 True, but there’s room for the truth in this household. 483 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,835 Do you want to hear something really bad 484 00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,213 Kent told me about the Fox network? 485 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,339 Of course. 486 00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:17,090 Gosh, Dad, your hands are shaking. 487 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,425 I know. 488 00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:20,719 ’Cause this one’s really, really bad. 489 00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:25,974 For years now, Fox has been... 490 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,477 TV ANNOUNCER: ...programming shows that the whole family can enjoy. 491 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,646 (gasps): Oh, my God! 492 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,439 You don’t suppose they’re gonna start... 493 00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,650 ANNOUNCER: ...entertaining America with hits like House, 494 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:38,570 American Idol and American Idol Results Show. 495 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:39,780 I’m afraid they might. 496 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:41,615 But I will not be silenced. 497 00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:42,783 The truth is... 498 00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:45,702 {\an8}(fanfare playing) 499 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,415 (whispers): Okay. 500 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,125 What I was going to say was... 501 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,543 Shh! 502 00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,171 (music plays) 503 00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,138 Captioned by VISUAL DATA 504 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:48,765 Enhanced by Fotokem