1 00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,089 CHORUS SINGS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,173 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,510 D’oh! 4 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:11,761 (screams) 5 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:12,846 (tires screeching) 6 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,309 (loud smack) 7 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,644 (makes Road Runner noise) 8 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:20,854 Meep, meep! 9 00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,065 D’oh! 10 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,745 ♪♪ 11 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:37,996 {\an8}(door squeaks) 12 00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:40,498 (groans quietly) 13 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,709 {\an8}(screams) 14 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,627 {\an8}D’oh! D’oh! D’oh! 15 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,796 {\an8}Bart, it’s me! 16 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,424 {\an8}D’oh! Hey! 17 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:53,094 {\an8}I’m Lord Evilton from the Angelica Button books. 18 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,764 {\an8}The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight 19 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,390 {\an8}and we’re going to go stand in line. 20 00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:00,060 {\an8}Wait in line for a book?! 21 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,102 {\an8}You tell ’em Bart says hey. 22 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,228 {\an8}Come on, boy. 23 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,688 {\an8}All the nerds are doing it. 24 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:04,981 {\an8}I’m not a nerd. 25 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,441 {\an8}I’m a jock who’s too cool for sports. 26 00:01:08,359 --> 00:01:10,904 {\an8}-It’s the final book! -I wonder what happens? 27 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,989 {\an8}Maybe the Sandrux is the Narcolops. 28 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,116 {\an8}I read a rumor Spider-man’s in it. 29 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,284 {\an8}Shut up! Shut up! 30 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,869 {\an8}This is a spoiler-free zone. 31 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,623 {\an8}(groans) 32 00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:24,334 {\an8}Nice Angelica Button costume, Lisa. 33 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,211 {\an8}Although... 34 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,754 {\an8}the gryphon on your coat of arms 35 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:29,380 {\an8}is facing left not right. 36 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,924 {\an8}And FYI, Angelica wears 37 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,675 {\an8}two tortoise shell barrettes. 38 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,135 {\an8}Nice try, though. 39 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,970 {\an8}I based my costume on the books, 40 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,472 {\an8}not the movies. 41 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,474 {\an8}(crowd laughing) 42 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,856 {\an8}Okay, I’m going to hand out colored bracelets. 43 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,775 {\an8}The color on your bracelet will determine... 44 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:49,859 {\an8}HOMER: Move or die! 45 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,403 {\an8}(clamoring) 46 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,657 It’s for my kid! 47 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,408 -Eureka! -(grunts) 48 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,121 {\an8}Now read it to me! 49 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:05,250 {\an8}"The Dark Lord has summoned you," said the withered troll. 50 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:06,918 {\an8}Do the character voices! 51 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,130 {\an8}(troll voice): "And bring your cloak. 52 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:14,134 {\an8}The torture room can be frightfully chilly." 53 00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:16,136 {\an8}LISA: Angelica’s first kiss, da-da-da. 54 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,138 {\an8}Subplot about her cat, who cares? 55 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,265 {\an8}Professor Skizzletwitch is a Were-bear, 56 00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,558 {\an8}and, uh, no, no, he’s not. 57 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,601 {\an8}Maluicious Krubb is actually Kraluicious Mubb. 58 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:24,894 {\an8}(all gasping) 59 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,771 {\an8}All is lost, Angelica uses the spell 60 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,148 {\an8}she learned in chapter six. 61 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,441 {\an8}Magic, magic, magic, all is won. 62 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:31,943 {\an8}(all cheering) 63 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,407 Well, that’s our book for the year. 64 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:39,284 I think we’ve earned some TV. 65 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,952 BOTH: TV! TV! TV! 66 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,454 {\an8}But kids, I want you in bed by 3:00 a.m. 67 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,581 {\an8}(both groaning) 68 00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,041 {\an8}Hey, somebody’s got to be the bad guy. 69 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,418 {\an8}MAN (on TV): But I don’t understand, 70 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,587 how could he have murdered his wife if he was 71 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,881 making a phone call 3,000 miles away? 72 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,592 Well, maybe he reached out... 73 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,177 and killed someone. 74 00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,053 {\an8}(driving rock playing) ♪ Yaaah! ♪ 75 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,015 -Oh. -Oh. -Oh. 76 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,016 {\an8}I saw this. 77 00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,642 {\an8}He trained his dog to do it. 78 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,144 {\an8}-(groaning) -(chortles) 79 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,897 Up next, which former Friends star 80 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,149 is speaking out against adult illiteracy? 81 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,192 {\an8}-Ooh. -Ooh. -Ooh. 82 00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,318 {\an8}-It’s Lisa Kudrow. -(groaning) 83 00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,319 {\an8}(laughing) 84 00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:15,904 {\an8}Stop saying things, Bart. 85 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:18,489 {\an8}That’s the TV’s job. 86 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,116 And the First Lady has agreed 87 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,327 to sit on the egg until it hatches. 88 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,494 More after this. 89 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,789 (classical music plays) 90 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:27,999 See that? That’s talent. 91 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:29,500 You think you got it? You don’t. 92 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,752 ’Cause only I can teach it 93 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,587 and I ain’t taught you, so you don’t. 94 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,340 The Chazz Busby Ballet Academy is coming to Springfield. 95 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,758 Auditions are Monday. 96 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,218 Callbacks are Tuesday. 97 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,011 Wednesday, you see I’m a heartless bastard. 98 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,013 Thursday you realize you love me, damn it. 99 00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:43,306 Friday, we’re closed. 100 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,390 You’re fired. 101 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,184 You’re her. Jump, dance, love. 102 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:49,020 {\an8}A ballet academy here in Springfield? 103 00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:51,105 {\an8}Move over, Europe! 104 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,024 {\an8}I didn’t know you cared about ballet. 105 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,817 {\an8}Lisa, have I ever shown you 106 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,320 {\an8}-my Shattered Dreams Box? -No. 107 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,614 {\an8}It’s upstairs in my Disappointment Closet. 108 00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,282 {\an8}Oh! Oh... 109 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,327 {\an8}There were so many things I wanted to do in life 110 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,246 {\an8}that I never got a chance to do: 111 00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,665 {\an8}doctor, safecracker, 112 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,625 {\an8}stethoscope sales lady. 113 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,377 {\an8}None came to pass. 114 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,796 {\an8}But the thing I really wanted to be, 115 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,047 {\an8}ever since I was little, 116 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,508 {\an8}was a ballerina. 117 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,676 {\an8}So what happened? 118 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,178 {\an8}My bosoms came in and ruined my balance. 119 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,638 {\an8}Really? How? 120 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,223 {\an8}They came in one at a time. 121 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,392 {\an8}Oh... do you think mine...? 122 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:30,270 {\an8}No, I’m pretty sure you’ll have your dad’s boobs. 123 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,272 {\an8}Oh. 124 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,734 {\an8}Mom, it’s not too late to un-shatter your dream. 125 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,445 {\an8}Martha Graham danced well into her 70s. 126 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,198 You mean she danced well, into her 70s? 127 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,701 Or she danced, well into her 70s? 128 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,452 Well, she danced into her 70s. 129 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,204 I think you’ve got a point. 130 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,623 Homie, I’m gonna be a dancer! 131 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,041 Go-go or boring? 132 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,168 -Boring! -(moans): Oh... 133 00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:56,504 ♪♪ 134 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,758 Okay, ladies, listen up: Forget everything 135 00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,760 you’ve ever learned about ballet-- good. 136 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,178 Now, from Bolshoi Fifth Position, 137 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,763 give me a Battement Glisse, 138 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,848 a Double Changement, 139 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,141 two Swan Lake Fouettás, 140 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,018 then finish with a Grand Pas De Chat. 141 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,270 Oy, oy, oy. 142 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,480 Now show me what you got, uh... 143 00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:16,399 Simpson, comma, Marge. 144 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:17,483 (chuckles nervously) 145 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,110 (classical music playing on piano) 146 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,237 (humming) 147 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,323 (grunting) 148 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,329 (whistles) 149 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:30,913 I haven’t seen dancing like that 150 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,582 since my Broadway show Dancing Like That. 151 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,624 Closed in a week. 152 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:34,959 Too smart for the corndog crowd, 153 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,044 too dumb for the bagel bunch. 154 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,628 You keep it up, kid. You got something. 155 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,339 Ooh! 156 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:43,092 Son, while your mother and little mother are out, 157 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,387 I’m gonna let you in on a deep, dark family secret. 158 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,388 You have a drinking problem? 159 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,390 I said secret. 160 00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,603 Have you ever wondered what I do in that locked room? 161 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:54,645 Gay out? 162 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,899 Well, wonder no more! 163 00:05:57,982 --> 00:05:59,484 (Bart gasps) 164 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,818 Beef jerky! 165 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,820 The queen of all the jerkys! 166 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,155 That’s right. 167 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:05,865 Now, I’ll cut and you soak. 168 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,538 Dad, marinating with you is cool. 169 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,457 Thanks, son. 170 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,958 (both laughing) 171 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,294 Some of that is cow blood. 172 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,670 Aw... 173 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,589 -(classical music playing) -Look, Lise! 174 00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:22,965 I’m as supple as ever! 175 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,218 (creaking) 176 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,219 (nervous laugh) 177 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,595 It won’t go down. 178 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:29,013 (leg creaking, Marge grunting) 179 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,057 Uh-oh! 180 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,852 Marge, Marge, Marge-- you know what they say, 181 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,479 -those who cannot do... -Teach? 182 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,064 No, they go home. 183 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,357 How can they teach if they can’t do? 184 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,733 Get out! 185 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,693 (crying quietly) 186 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,780 You can’t talk to my mom like that. 187 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,657 Who the hell... 188 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:48,991 {\an8}taught you to stand like that? 189 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,411 {\an8}This is how I always stand when I tell adults 190 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,578 {\an8}what they should be doing. 191 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,455 You have naturally perfect posture. 192 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,790 I rarely say this, 193 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,375 but, how would you like to become 194 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,960 a paying student at my dance academy? 195 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,212 Uh, I don’t know, I... 196 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,005 We accept! 197 00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,094 (playing light classical melody) 198 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,098 Whoa! 199 00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,644 I’m sorry, I got confused. 200 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,354 You don’t get to be "confused." 201 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,648 Not till you’ve won six Tonys, gone into rehab, 202 00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,733 married your plastic surgeon, retired, 203 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:24,735 and then un-retired in a special little show 204 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,821 called Woman of the Year-- you can’t, uh... 205 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,157 Hey, I forget where I’m going with this. 206 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,908 Take a break, people. 207 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,536 Eh, eh, eh, en pointe! 208 00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,040 This is so hard. 209 00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,125 Get used to it. 210 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,002 We ballerinas are under constant pressure 211 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:44,505 to stay focused, skinny, graceful and skinny. 212 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:45,840 How do you cope with it? 213 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,175 You find out what works for you. 214 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,968 For some people it might be yoga, 215 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:49,927 for others, meditation. 216 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,387 Mm! 217 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,889 But for every ballerina in the world, 218 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,474 it’s cigarettes. 219 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,728 Cigarettes?! 220 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,980 They can kill you. They did a whole 221 00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,274 episode about it on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. 222 00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,485 Zack tried to impress a girl by smoking, 223 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,153 but she went for Cody instead. 224 00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:09,572 Zack’s life wasn’t so sweet then. 225 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,200 Hey. If God didn’t want ballerinas to smoke, 226 00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,743 how come I can do this? 227 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,001 Wow! No! 228 00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,377 All I need to stay focused 229 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,795 is good old-fashioned fresh air. 230 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,130 (inhales) 231 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,590 Nothing like fresh air. 232 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,011 (raspy): Fresh air. 233 00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:37,767 (classical melody playing) 234 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,310 Horrible, horrible, horrible... 235 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:41,062 no longer describes your dancing, Lisa. 236 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,230 You’re good, kid! 237 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,151 I’ve gotten better since this morning. 238 00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,986 How could that have happened? 239 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,363 Maybe it’s all the secondhand 240 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:52,114 "focus" and "pep" you’re inhaling. 241 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,578 They don’t call these "dancer sticks" for nothin’. 242 00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,330 I thought they were cancer sticks. 243 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,417 (singsong): I dan’t dear dou! 244 00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,794 HOMER: My Hindu friend, 245 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,587 this is a chance for your Kwik-E-Mart 246 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,381 to get in on the ground floor 247 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,591 of a delicious new taste sensation. 248 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:13,511 You talk a good game, but do you have the product to back it up? 249 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,805 Step into our Jerkatorium. 250 00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,516 (gasping) 251 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:20,142 -What the...! -Where’s our jerky? 252 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,978 You have wasted my time! 253 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:25,606 You have made a very powerless enemy. 254 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:26,566 Good day and be well! 255 00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,984 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 256 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,820 You haven’t seen our PowerPoint presentation-- Bart? 257 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,157 HOMER AND BART: "J," just the product you need. 258 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,660 "E," excellent value. 259 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,121 "R," retailer’s dream. "K..." 260 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,498 You can skip the "K" and the "Y." 261 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,667 I do not thank you 262 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,502 and I will not come again. 263 00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,798 Who could have done this? 264 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,092 Well, something chewed through the cellar door 265 00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:54,969 and the floor is covered with paw prints... 266 00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:57,346 This can only mean one thing: 267 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,181 Flanders, you ate my jerky! 268 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,600 As the oak said to the beagle, 269 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,268 you’re barkin’ up the wrong tree. 270 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,604 I spent the whole morning blacking out the "goshes" 271 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,230 and "darns" in these Hardy Boys books. 272 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,190 I know you ate my jerky 273 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,652 just like I ate your earthquake supplies. 274 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,653 BART: Dad, look! 275 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,738 Raccoons! 276 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,950 You stay right here. 277 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,327 Okily dokily! 278 00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,497 Ah! "heck, darn." 279 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,207 I don’t think so. 280 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,754 EERIE FEMALE VOICE: Lisa... 281 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,006 Lisa Simpson... 282 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:33,382 (coughing) 283 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,176 Time for a smoke. 284 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:36,719 Look, everyone knows 285 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,596 that cigarettes are where flavor lives 286 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,306 and a cool choice for a hot night. 287 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,849 But they’re for losers! 288 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:43,142 Losers? 289 00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:44,894 You mean losers like... 290 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,145 Simone de Beauvoir, 291 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,813 Margaret Mead, 292 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,231 Queen Elizabeth I, 293 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,025 Lauren Bacall... 294 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,652 My feminist heroes! 295 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,696 Don’t forget me-- Lillian Hellman! 296 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,449 Smoking gave me the energy I needed to write plays 297 00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:00,701 and invent mayonnaise! 298 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,162 Bring out the Hellman’s, and bring out the best. 299 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,997 WOMEN: Puff with us! 300 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:08,542 Puff with us! 301 00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:11,545 (sighing) 302 00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,175 (sniffing) 303 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,638 Yeah, that’s it, 304 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,556 don’t be shy. 305 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,143 Enjoy your jerky laced with sleeping pills. 306 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,354 Nobody outwits Homer Simpson. 307 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,690 Hey, they’re not sleepy. 308 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:34,610 Just turning fuzzy. 309 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,696 Homer, you ate their jerky. 310 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,656 I thought this might happen, 311 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:41,992 so I brought the best weapon to operate while drugged: 312 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,370 a crossbow. 313 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,789 (moaning) 314 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:49,250 (screams) 315 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,502 Whoa! 316 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:53,254 (Homer moaning incoherently) 317 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,008 -(arrow whooshes) -DRIVER: No! 318 00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,927 (tires screeching) 319 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:08,310 Chazz Busby says you’re really making progress! 320 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,895 Do you need more leg warmers? 321 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,772 No, stop buying me leg warmers! 322 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,066 I’m already wearing six pairs! 323 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,568 Well, the important thing is, 324 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:18,404 someday, I’ll be watching my little Marge 325 00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,322 dancing at Lincoln Center. 326 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,158 Lisa, Mom. I’m Lisa. 327 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,201 Of course, you’re Lisa. 328 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,997 Lisa the dancing Marge girl. 329 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,583 Dad, you never win a fight with animals. 330 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,793 Remember when you lost that war with the worms? 331 00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,379 That wasn’t a defeat, it was a phased withdrawal. 332 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,547 Oh, yeah? 333 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,340 They made you build this statue. 334 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,219 When you cut ’em, they multiply. 335 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,846 I can’t fight that! 336 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,347 Now, let’s take care 337 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,349 of those raccoons. 338 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:49,894 (grunting) 339 00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:50,936 Huh? 340 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,147 (gasps) 341 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:55,691 Aw, they’re using the jerky to feed their family. 342 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,777 Look, there’s a Homer and a Bart 343 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,820 and a Marge and a Lisa. 344 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,782 Aw, they even share my views on parenting! 345 00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,450 (gagging) 346 00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,452 Enjoy your jerky, little critters, 347 00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,829 and one day you’ll grow up to be people. 348 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,414 Bart, get some more jerky 349 00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,416 for man’s new best friend. 350 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,796 (piano playing) 351 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:22,927 When’s our next break? 352 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,261 When the big cigarette hits 9:00. 353 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,262 (sighing) 354 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,140 All right, that was pretty good 355 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,184 for uncoordinated hippopotamuses. 356 00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:31,060 Hit the river, ladies. 357 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,520 Go ahead, have a wallow. 358 00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:33,437 (girls sighing with relief) 359 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:36,816 (wind whistling, gusting) 360 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,487 Oh... 361 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,822 What am I doing? 362 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,199 I don’t need secondhand smoke to do ballet... 363 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,119 I need firsthand smoke! 364 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,208 Lisa! 365 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,251 Give me that! 366 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,092 I can’t believe 367 00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:06,846 how easy it is in this country to get cigarettes. 368 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,643 I can’t believe you were smoking. 369 00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,562 Did you know the "sturgeon" general 370 00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,272 said you’re not supposed to? 371 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,274 A "sturgeon" is a fish. 372 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,776 And a very wise fish he is! 373 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,822 Marge, I’m taking Lisa out of that stupid... 374 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:25,781 What the...? 375 00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:31,954 Oh, Homie, I’ve been so happy lately. 376 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,664 I’m completely fulfilled, 377 00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:36,250 both as a mother and a fan of youth ballet! 378 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,168 Now what did you want to say to me? 379 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,295 Uh... 380 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:42,006 are you sure you want Lisa to keep dancing? 381 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:44,592 There’s nothing that makes a mother’s heart soar more 382 00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,552 than seeing her child take wing. 383 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:49,305 Look at me, I’m glowing! 384 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,514 Maybe you’re drunk. 385 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,724 Homie, Lisa’s dancing 386 00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:55,686 has made me really, really, happy. 387 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:01,609 (sighs) Okay. 388 00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,403 Oh, fatherhood hurts my brain. 389 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,071 (gagging): Dad! 390 00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,364 Dad, a little help? 391 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,532 You’re on your own. 392 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:09,617 (grunting) 393 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,453 (swing squeaking) 394 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,246 Because it means so much to your mother, 395 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,831 you can keep doing ballet. 396 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,666 But you have to stop smoking, 397 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,001 including secondhand! 398 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,502 That’s easy for you to say. 399 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,546 You’ve never had to be thin and focused. 400 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,465 What’d you say? 401 00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,884 I’m just saying it’s gonna be hard for me to quit, 402 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,470 especially before the recital. 403 00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:31,513 I thought you might have trouble with this. 404 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,516 That’s why I’m assigning someone to keep watch over you. 405 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,685 Someone you’d never expect. 406 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,770 -Is it Bart? -D’oh! 407 00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:38,854 Come on out, boy. 408 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,067 For the next three days, 409 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:46,070 I’m gonna stick to you like waffle syrup on a shag rug. 410 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:49,073 I’m gonna be on you like fish stink on a Gloucester dog. 411 00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:51,075 I’m gonna be all over you like... 412 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,534 Hey, where’d she go? 413 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:55,913 (Busby claps) Okay, everybody! 414 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,247 Dress rehearsal! 415 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,999 (classical music playing) 416 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,668 (shuddering) 417 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,586 (groans) 418 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,713 Whoa! 419 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,466 Hey, I’m still paying for that nose! 420 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,550 Lisa, the last time I checked, 421 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:10,010 this was not Worldwide Wrestling. 422 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:11,345 And I checked five minutes ago. 423 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,686 Hey Lisa, come on over. 424 00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,397 I can’t-- I promised I wouldn’t. 425 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,690 If you don’t breathe it, 426 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,650 that smoke might go into a baby. 427 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,068 (groans) 428 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:29,321 Well, since you cared enough to apply peer pressure... 429 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,573 (inhaling) 430 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,325 -There you go. -Awesome. You go, girl. 431 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:36,036 -Much better. -That’s it, yeah. 432 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,788 (slow psychedelic rock music playing) 433 00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,583 (helicopter whirling) 434 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:45,629 (phone ringing) 435 00:16:45,713 --> 00:16:47,506 Yello. 436 00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,924 She what?! 437 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,342 Oh, my God! 438 00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,428 Well, I’m going to settle this once and for all! 439 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,179 Meet me at the place we discussed. 440 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,347 Who was that? 441 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,515 Wrong number. 442 00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,938 BUSBY: Five minutes, ladies. 443 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,695 Okay, Bart, 444 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,739 it’s time for Operation: Crazy-Plan. 445 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:14,241 Step one: we chuck the raccoon in there. 446 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,284 What if someone catches him? 447 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:16,702 Don’t worry. 448 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,954 I have a perfect way to conceal his identity. 449 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,627 Okay, now go, boy! 450 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,670 (raccoon chittering) 451 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,422 (sniffing) 452 00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:31,508 ♪♪ 453 00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,353 Not keys, cigarettes! 454 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,526 Yeah, that’s what I mean. 455 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:53,906 (giggles) 456 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,492 Okay, now we get rid of the cigarettes. 457 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,494 Lord, I could use a smoke. 458 00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,496 (Homer grunts) 459 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:02,498 Thank you, God. 460 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:03,916 -Cigarette? -Can’t. 461 00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,084 I’m pregnant. 462 00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,710 Uh, one more favor? 463 00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:11,590 (orchestral classical music ending) 464 00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:16,595 Wow, what a great first act. 465 00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,306 I hope Sleeping Beauty never wakes up. 466 00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:21,141 Good, that’s so hot. 467 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:24,186 -Good job. -Great. 468 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:25,229 My cigarettes! 469 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,772 What happened to my cigarettes?! 470 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:29,066 (shrieking, clamoring) 471 00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:30,192 Found one! 472 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,443 That’s your finger! 473 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,444 I don’t care! 474 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,446 (deep sucking) 475 00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:36,698 (classical fanfare playing) 476 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:38,700 (all groaning and panting) 477 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:44,414 (groaning) 478 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,545 (groaning and panting) 479 00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:54,299 Watch your hoof, you blue-ribbon sow. 480 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,052 I’ll spit on your grave, grandma! 481 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,846 (gasps with surprise, then inhales deeply) 482 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,223 Oh, no! My appetite’s coming back! 483 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,478 (gasping in distress) 484 00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,896 I haven’t seen crap like this 485 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,898 since my Broadway show Crap Like This. 486 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,316 Ran for five years. 487 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,235 We can smoke the programs! 488 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,283 I can smoke my hair! 489 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,704 Maybe there’s gum under the seats! 490 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,876 All right, that’s enough! 491 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,627 I want to talk about a horrible practice 492 00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,921 afflicting millions of Americans. 493 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,174 For years we’ve known how dangerous it is. 494 00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,758 It stunts your growth. 495 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,802 And it’s marketed to children. 496 00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,096 I’m talking about ballet. 497 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,765 I’ll smoke to that! 498 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,768 Ballet is unnatural and unfair to women. 499 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:50,522 I shall now cast off the shoes of oppression! 500 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,817 (grunts, spits) 501 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,319 You’ll never take down big ballet! 502 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:56,320 Never! 503 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:57,821 Now good day! 504 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,576 (funky guitar riff playing) 505 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:16,882 This is my favorite family tradition-- 506 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:19,593 ice cream after a botched recital. 507 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:21,470 And I’m happy to be smoke-free, 508 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,097 thanks to these children’s nicotine patches. 509 00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,183 And I realize it’s wrong 510 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,684 to try to live your career dreams 511 00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:28,852 through your children. 512 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,479 Does that mean I can stop training 513 00:20:30,562 --> 00:20:31,313 to be a Mexican wrestler? 514 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,397 No! 515 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,652 Now practice preening to the crowd, El Guapo. 516 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,905 (grunting) 517 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,115 Come on, preen harder! 518 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,117 Make them hate you! 519 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:45,702 You feed on their hatred 520 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,162 and you are so hungry! 521 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,164 (grunting) 522 00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:52,876 (grunting) 523 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,213 {\an8}BART: No me gusta. Oh, que lástima! 524 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:39,631 Shh! 525 00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,717 {\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA 526 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:44,845 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem