CHORUS SINGS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(school bell ringing)
(whistle blows)
(beeping)
(playing the blues)
(tires screeching)
D’oh!
(screams)
(tires screeching)
D’oh!
-D’oh! -D’oh!
-D’oh!
(multiple "D’ohs!")
(yelps)
(buzzes)
(chomps)
(roars)
Ah!
(growls)
(roars)
(explosion)
(chattering)
(chattering wildly)
Hey.
♪♪
What took you so long?
(sighs)
Excuse me.
Are you leaving?
No, sorry.
I’m not leaving.
Sorry, not leaving.
Not quite yet.
I’m sorry.
I’m not leaving.
So what are you doing?
Oh, I like creating disappointment.
You know that little moment where people’s hope dies?
I feed on that.
Uh, is this space free?
You know as a matter of fact... it ain’t!
(groans)
Ahh, that’s heavenly.
(Lisa and Bart groaning)
Mom, you tricked us!
We thought this was going to be a fun trip to the mall!
We listened to music radio in the car.
And since you kids behaved,
we’ll pick one fun thing to do here.
I want to go lecture the food court businesses
that are still using Styrofoam.
Lead-based toys! Lead-based toys!
Sit on a bench! Sit on a bench!
(rapid sucking)
For once, we’ll do what Maggie wants.
Oh, Maggie’s thing?
She won’t even remember that we did it!
None of you kids ever remember
any of the nice things we do for you.
-Like what? -Food.
-Pass. -Shelter?
-That dump?! -Clothing?
I wouldn’t blow my nose into this.
Hmph!
Welcome to Stuff-N-Hug, a Funworks Lovelab!
I’m used to buying my critters pre-made.
How does your store differ?
Why should I tell you,
when we’ve got a video that shows you!
Video’s broken, Alan!
ALAN: Call Eric!
I’m Eric!
Black Eric!
I want a poodle.
I’d stay away from poodles.
They give the dog... ideas.
(Ralph hums)
How much love do you want in your Stuff-N-Hug?
I want all the love.
(humming resumes)
(explosion, laughs)
Snow day!
(coughs)
So little girl,
what outfit do you want for your dolphin?
-Doctor. -Okay...
nurse it is.
(groans): Professor.
Kindergarten teacher.
-Chef! -Lunch lady!
-CEO! -Secretary to a CEO.
You know, it’s a boy dolphin.
Oh... here you go,
Doctor.
(devious chuckle)
We fooled her... Betsy.
Hmm.
Bart is awesome.
Wow, this guy could put Milhouse out of business.
(Homer sings)
Oh, (chuckles).
Well, this is kind of a cute outfit.
(mischievous chuckle)
BART’S VOICE: Homer is a lard butt.
What did you say?
Homer has booger breath.
It’s a medical condition!
Homer is a big jerk.
Who told you these things about me?
Dung muncher.
-Stink brains. -Cheese wang.
Captain Crud.
I don’t want to get mad, but I will!
-B.O. Baracus. -Mount Baldy. -Tub of Guts.
-Crapper Clogger. -Oh, that’s it!
Uh, Mom, we got a code four.
(Homer grunts, insults continue)
I’ll kill you all!
(laughing)
(screams)
It didn’t have to go down like this!
(Homer hums)
(Homer and Marge gasp)
The door’s open!
I think someone broke in!
Don’t worry. I’m ready for this.
Bart, fetch "The Defender."
Yes, sir!
(chain rattles)
♪♪
(whispers): I hear noises coming from the kitchen.
Uh-oh, that’s where the food sleeps.
♪♪
(sniffing): Wait a minute.
I smell apples, cinnamon,
(gasps) crust.
It’s a pie!
Why would a robber make pie?
Who cares?
If you kill him, we’ll be on TV!
You’re right, boy!
Hmm? Mom!
(glass breaking)
NED: My aquarium!
Hello, Homer.
You’re alive!
And you baked a pie!
MARGE: Homie, what’s going on?
I’m fighting the robber!
You go get ice cream!
Mom, I can’t believe you’re here.
You keep disappearing and reappearing
and it’s not funny.
You’re just like that show Scrubs.
Homer, I’m sorry I had to pretend to be dead.
But it worked
because the government isn’t looking for me anymore.
I can finally stop running and be your mom.
-No, thanks. -What do you mean?
Every time you go, I feel abandoned.
But not this time.
I’m not gonna let myself get hurt.
Homer, I’m through protesting
and chaining myself to things.
I’ve realized that the most important thing
in my life is you.
That’s what your mouth says,
but my ears are too smart to believe it.
In fact, I don’t even want your pie.
You already ate the whole thing.
Well, I’m not going to digest it!
(grunting)
Wow, Dad was so cute as a baby.
When did he lose his cuteness?
Oh, I have a picture of that right here.
(Bart and Lisa shudder)
I do feel bad for missing
so much of Homer’s childhood.
But at least he wasn’t raised by a television.
See you later, honey.
Mommy has to go chain herself to a nuclear submarine.
Hugs and kisses!
(groans)
Mmm.
(chomping)
You left a hole in my heart
that could never be filled.
So I filled it with food.
But I’m never full.
ANNOUNCER (on TV): Welcome back
to the ESPY Awards.
Our next presenters are Lance Armstrong and Fozzy Bear.
Wokka, wokka, wokka!
That’s right, Fozzy, and this year’s
Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to...
Hey, Lance, nice trousers.
Did you win those at the Tour de Pants?
Wokka, wokka!
Yeah, well, I never thought you were funny. Ever.
Wokka, wokka!
Wokka, wokka?
Anyway, the Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to...
-(TV clicks off) -Oh, I don’t even care.
MONA: Homer?
Are you okay?
I’m fine.
It’s my feelings that are mad.
Oh, sweetheart, when I left you,
it was because I thought I could
make the world a little bit better.
Maybe all I did was make my own world a lot worse.
I only hope you can forgive me.
No! I can’t forgive you.
And I don’t accept your tuck-in!
(grunts)
I understand.
These things take time.
Good night.
(moaning)
Oh, I feel terrible.
My own mother reached out to me, and I rejected her.
I’m gonna make her a card.
(humming)
Mom?
Are you asleep?
Asleep with your eyes open?
Mom?
Mom?!
(sobbing)
My mother’s dead.
I’m still with you, son.
Oh, this just gets worse and worse!
(sobbing)
After your mother left me,
I always planned to dance on her grave.
First, it was gonna be the Hustle.
Recently, I’ve been taking tap lessons.
But now?
Well, I don’t feel much like dancing.
(taps clicking)
Come on, Homie.
Your mom wouldn’t have wanted you
to stay in bed forever.
I’ll tell you what she didn’t want.
Me to be a jerk to her and then she dies.
(sobbing)
(whispers): Say something comforting.
Okay, comforting, comforting.
Uh, Dad, whenever I would hang out with Grandma,
she would always ask me about you.
And I’d say you suck.
And she would say you don’t suck that bad.
She said I didn’t suck?
That bad.
-Wow. -Yeah.
MOE: Sorry about your ma, Homer.
I just wish she hadn’t died thinking I hated her.
Yeah, you should always make peace with your loved ones.
I think I’ll give my ma a call right now.
Hey, Mom, I just wanted you to know that you mean...
Yeah, he’s here.
Hey, Mrs. L.
Those butter cookies you sent were tasty.
And the almond ones, oh!
Aw, I wish I was your son, too.
All right, I’m gonna pass you back...
Okay, okay, I’ll tell him.
Uh, Moe,
Lenny’s mom says she loves you.
(grunts)
Apu, what do you think happens after you die?
Manjula will sell the store, dye her hair blonde,
and marry my cousin Jangelvar.
Yes, I will.
I mean, do you think my mother’s out there somewhere?
Does she know I feel bad about things I said?
Perhaps she’s around us now.
She may have already been reincarnated as...
that newborn baby or...
that tiny mouse in the nacho cheese.
Oh, for crying out loud, people aren’t mice.
Oh, what a surprise.
Joe Jesus, Junior is going to set us all straight.
Look, Homer, people don’t come back as anything,
except for our Lord, who came back as bread.
That’s it.
(sighs sadly)
That’s the thing with your religion: it’s a bummer.
Even the sing-alongs?
No, the sing-alongs are okay.
MARGE: Homer,
look what I found with your mother’s things.
(gasps)
A donut from the future?
ANNOUNCER: The following video was recorded at Garry’s Video Wills.
Maggie, that’s the same Garry that filmed your birthday party.
Remember, he brought his girlfriend
and they got in a fight?
Hello, Homer.
If you are watching this right now, I am dead.
Or if I’m not dead, you’ve gotten into my stuff.
But if I am dead, this is my will.
And if I’m not, get out of my stuff.
(sniffs, groans sadly)
To my grandson Bart, I leave my Swiss Army knife.
-Cool. -My dearest Lisa,
I leave you a priceless item so powerful
no government can ever extinguish it:
my rebellious spirit.
Grandma, I accept your gift.
♪ You got nothing, you got nothing. ♪
Marge, I have a purse for you.
It’s woven out of nature’s most amazing material: hemp.
(sniffs)
Hmm,
it smells like concerts.
And lastly, for Homer,
I leave you something very special.
-Woo-hoo! -A difficult task.
-D’oh! -Go to Springfield Monument Park
and climb to the highest point.
At exactly 3:00, release my ashes.
I love you, Homer.
And now, because they’re your favorite,
please enjoy some animal bloopers.
Aw, Ma, you always knew just how to make everything all right.
(Homer laughing)
Oh, it works on so many levels.
(bird squawking)
Okay, this is it.
I’ve got one last chance
to make up for the things I said to my mom.
I will avenge you.
It’s not really avenging her, Dad,
just the fulfillment of her last wish.
I’m really glad you corrected me, Lisa.
People are always really glad when they’re corrected.
This is hard work.
Isn’t it, boy?
(panting): Boy?
Hey, Homer!
Your butt still looks big from down here!
(echoing): Why, you little...!
(cackles)
You know, spiritually speaking,
Grandma’s ashes won’t know
where they’ve been thrown from, so...
in a way...
I’m lying down now.
I always knew that at the end, it would all come down to me.
Excuse me, I think I’m holding up better than you are.
In fact, I’ve got energy to spare.
Hmm, to spare, eh?
(grunting)
Marge, your back is so sweaty.
I’m starting to slip off.
(annoyed murmuring)
(grunts)
(gasps)
That’s the highest point.
And only 15 minutes to go.
♪♪
(puzzled grunt)
D’oh!
(panting)
Made it.
(bird squawking)
Mom, we didn’t know each other very well.
If we did, you never would have asked me to climb anything,
but even when you weren’t around,
I always felt good knowing you were out there somewhere.
(beeping)
3:00.
Goodbye, Mom.
You’re finally free.
(sobbing softly)
Huh?
(alarm blaring)
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Guidance system destroyed.
Launch aborted.
Wait a minute.
Mom’s ashes stopped that missile launch.
Mom.
You used me to pull one more stupid hippie protest.
Didn’t you?
Judging from the wind direction,
distance, time of day,
the ashes must have come from... him.
Ugh, ever since you started watching Monk,
you think you are Monk.
You’re not Monk.
Uh-oh, I got to get out of here.
Whoa...!
(grunts)
I’m safe as long as nothing disturbs
this incredibly delicate balance.
(grunting)
(giggles)
Whee...!
You’re not supposed to like it.
Show me the law that says I can’t.
Whee...!
(screams)
Are you hurt?
I don’t think so.
So we got to do that, too.
(grunting)
Here’s your mother.
You can have her.
To me, she’s been nothing but trouble.
What’s the delay?
Mr. Burns, we had a saboteur.
Well, well, well.
Who’s this delightful young lady?
She’s what held up the launch, sir.
Pity. You and I could have shared the world.
You do know you’re talking to a bag of ashes.
Hey, I’ve seen your wife.
She’s no Mamie Van Doren.
Just what are you guys up to?
Oh, I suppose there’s no harm in telling you.
I’m using the rocket to dispose of Springfield’s nuclear waste
by sending it straight to the heart of the Amazon rainforest.
(gasping): The rainforest?
That’s that thing Lisa likes.
Well, maybe she’ll like it better
filled with dying trees and mutated animals.
You monster.
On another subject,
next Thursday I have to leave work early.
I assume that’s cool.
-All systems operational. -(whirring)
Excellent.
Mom, I’m so sorry.
You just wanted to stop one more senseless act of madness
in this world.
Well, if I get out of this,
I promise you I’ll grant your last wish.
Homer, hey, Homer.
-Here’s Grandma’s knife. -Toss it down.
Thanks, boy.
How am I ever going to take on all those guys?
Hmm, what could I make from those two things?
Mm... no.
My purse is made of hemp.
If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards.
We can ignite it
with these crystal earrings Grandma gave me.
I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit.
I found them on her nightstand.
What? Bart got a Swiss Army knife.
("White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane playing)
♪ One pill makes you larger ♪
♪ And one pill makes you small... ♪
Hey, did you ever think
about how, like, your fingers are like legs for your hand?
Imagine what cute little shoes they’d wear.
That’s already a thing-- thimbles, right?
(both laughing)
God bless America!
Whoa!
Agh!
(screams)
(grunts)
Send in reinforcements.
Actually, you only hired ten.
A couple guys called in sick
and the Jewish guy has to leave at sunset.
Fine.
(grunts)
That’ll do, brick. That’ll do.
-(beeping) -Base self-destruct sequence activated.
Detonation in ten, nine, eight...
Homie.
(spy music plays)
Now I’ll just add water to these ashes
and bring my mother back to life.
It doesn’t work that way, Homie.
But she’ll live on forever in what you did today.
Well, then, Mom, this was for you.
(grunts)
("Mother and Child Reunion" by Paul Simon playing)
♪ No, I would not give you false hope ♪
♪ On this strange and mournful day ♪
♪ But the mother and child reunion ♪
♪ Is only a motion away ♪
♪ Oh, little darling of mine. ♪
More sugar, more sugar.
-No. -Why not?
Because you’re sweet enough.
(chuckles)
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
Shh!
Enhanced by Fotokem