1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,060 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:43,334 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:47,380 (tires screech) 7 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,096 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,809 (horn honks) 9 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,187 (tires screech) 10 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,650 -Aah! -(tires screech) 11 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,793 {\an8}TV HOST: Okay, the capital of North Dakota 12 00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:27,003 {\an8}is named after what German ruler? 13 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,963 {\an8}-Hitler! -Hitler, North Dakota? 14 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,215 {\an8}-Bismarck. -TV CONTESTANT: Bismarck 15 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,382 {\an8}Hitler?! 16 00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,259 {\an8}Hey, I'm still beating you, boy. 17 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,303 {\an8}Okay, the colors of the Italian flag 18 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:37,806 {\an8}are red, white and what? 19 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,474 {\an8}-Blue! Orange! Red! Purple! -Yellow! Black! 20 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:40,642 {\an8}Black! Green! 21 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,936 {\an8}-TV CONTESTANT: Green. -I was right! 22 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,479 {\an8}TV HOST: Okay, we'll be right back 23 00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:45,939 {\an8}with more Grade School Challenge, 24 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,857 {\an8}after this important message. 25 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,234 I used to think that losing my hair 26 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,194 was as inevitable as the tides. 27 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,613 Then I found out about Dimoxinil 28 00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,406 the new miracle breakthrough in hair regrowth. 29 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,450 (gasps) Miracle breakthrough? 30 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,993 There's been a miracle breakthrough?! 31 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,954 The odds are Dimoxinil can help me grow 32 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:04,040 as much or as little hair as I want to. 33 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,835 Hey, today I'm going to do it. 34 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,337 ANNOUNCER: For your free brochure, send five dollars to Dimoxinil 35 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:10,922 485 Hair Plaza, Hair City, Utah. 36 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,424 Hair. Hair. 37 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,844 Just like everybody else. 38 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,851 You know, some women find bald men quite virile. 39 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,352 Marge, weren't you listening? 40 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,355 This is a miracle breakthrough 41 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:29,232 not one of these cheap-o, sucker deals. 42 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:37,490 Allow me to present the Dimoxinil action set in its entirety. 43 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,118 A six-month supply of the drug, 44 00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:41,452 the gravity boots, 45 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:42,829 scalp massager, 46 00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:44,289 {\an8}and your t-shirt. 47 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:45,999 Great, great, great. How much? How much? How much? 48 00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:47,208 $1,000. 49 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,710 A thousand bucks?! 50 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,461 I can't afford that. 51 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,589 Well, we do have a product 52 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,632 which is more in your price range. 53 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,467 However, I must assure you that any hair growth 54 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,760 {\an8}you experience while using it 55 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,554 will be purely coincidental. 56 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,723 A thousand bucks... 57 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,224 Of all the rip-off 58 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,268 screw job, gyp joint... 59 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:08,479 (cries) Forget you, pal. 60 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,023 Thanks for nothing. 61 00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,232 (sobbing) 62 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:14,277 So I say, "Forget you, pal! 63 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,737 Thanks for nothing!" 64 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,905 and I stormed right out of there. 65 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,781 Ha! That's telling him, Homer. 66 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:22,827 D'oh! I'm out of tartar sauce. They call this a portion? 67 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,496 Hey, Lenny, are you going to use all of your tartar sauce? 68 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,373 Dry fish sticks. This sucks. 69 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,458 Quit complaining, chrome dome. 70 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:30,084 Oh! If I had hair, 71 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,086 you wouldn't be calling me that. 72 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:34,047 LENNY: Homer, don't be a sap all of your life. 73 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,925 Just fill out a few medical insurance forms creatively. 74 00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:38,635 Charge that Dimoxinil stuff to the company. 75 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:39,928 But it's a thousand bucks. 76 00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,846 Burns would can my butt in no time flat. 77 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,057 Ooh, a thousand bucks! So what? 78 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,559 To Mr. Burns, that's one less ivory back scratcher. 79 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,520 Yeah. Besides, you pay money into the insurance fund every week. 80 00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:50,855 What do you ever get out of it? 81 00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,899 Nothing. Well, that newsletter. 82 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,859 Exactly. Why should you get nothing 83 00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,737 while some guy who loses a finger hits the jackpot? 84 00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,280 You got me. 85 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,492 Uh, I'd like to charge that Dimoxinil stuff 86 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,577 to my health insurance. 87 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,330 Look buddy, I don't know who put you up to this 88 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,666 but no insurance plan in this state 89 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:13,211 covers something as frivolous as Dimoxinil. 90 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,380 (radio blasting) 91 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:18,383 Meet me in the alley in 15 minutes. 92 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,759 Come alone. 93 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,062 (humming) 94 00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,825 Dear God, give a bald guy a break. Amen. 95 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:53,835 (yawning) 96 00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:02,635 (gargling) 97 00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:03,886 (swishing) 98 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,638 (humming) 99 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,223 (gasping) 100 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,601 I have hair. I have hair! 101 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,520 I have hair! 102 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,898 Look! Look! 103 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,817 Good morning, Springfield! 104 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,902 Good morning, Mr. And Mrs. Winfield! 105 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,572 Why don't you get a haircut, you hippie! 106 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,283 Good morning, Moe's Tavern! 107 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,201 Hey, it's the president. 108 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:28,619 Good morning, everybody! 109 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,413 ALL: Good morning. 110 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:34,208 Good morning, everybody! Good morning, Springfield! 111 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:37,754 -Dimoxinil! -Dimoxinil! 112 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:42,342 (jubilant laughter) 113 00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:52,518 (gasping) 114 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,313 (laughter) 115 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,527 (tires screech) 116 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,615 Well, Homer Simpson. 117 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,326 Why-why-why, you haven't been here in 20 years. 118 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,494 Hey, you got rid of the sideburns. 119 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:12,205 (chuckling) Give me the usual. 120 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,957 MARGE: He's much happier at work 121 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,126 and, well, just between us girls 122 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,046 well, he hasn't been this frisky in years. 123 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,964 I don't want to think about it. 124 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,384 HOMER: Daddy's home, Sugar. 125 00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:28,179 (giggling and cooing) 126 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:29,806 HOMER: Come here, you. 127 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:33,059 MARGE: Ooh! Oh, Homie, my sisters are here. 128 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,561 HOMER: Ah, dinner with three beautiful women. 129 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,355 I must be in heaven. 130 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,774 This is Homer? Oh, my. 131 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,484 Patty, stop drooling. 132 00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:42,777 Heh. Look who's talking. 133 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:49,659 Hey, there's something's different about you, Homer. 134 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:50,993 Did you lose some weight? 135 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,121 Yeah, you look like you got a tan or something. 136 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,705 I know what it is. A new tie. 137 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,082 (Homer laughing) 138 00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:58,668 BURNS: Morons, pathetic morons in my employ, 139 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,628 stealing my precious money. 140 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,381 This is hopeless. None of these cretins deserves a promotion. 141 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,049 It's in the union contract, sir. 142 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,510 One token promotion from within per year. 143 00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:10,388 Wait! Who is that young go-getter? 144 00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,640 SMITHERS: Well, it sort of looks like Homer Simpson 145 00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,809 only more dynamic and resourceful. 146 00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:17,228 Simpson, huh? Hmm. 147 00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:20,398 An unspoiled lump of clay to mold in my own image. 148 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,900 Our new junior executive. 149 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,861 Bring him to me! 150 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,612 SMITHERS (on P.A.): Attention! Homer Simpson. 151 00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:29,657 You have been promoted. You are now an executive. 152 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,617 Take three minutes to say good-bye to your former friends 153 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,245 and report to room 503 for reassignment 154 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,414 to a better life. 155 00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:42,545 Well, your resume seems in order. 156 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,213 Besides typing and stuff 157 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,382 do you have any other qualifications I should know about? 158 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,468 I give great back rubs to harried executives. 159 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:49,510 Here, let me show you. 160 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,220 Uh, no, no. That'll be fine. 161 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,764 Thank you. Good-bye. 162 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:54,932 HOMER: Hello? 163 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,058 Hello, Homie. 164 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,685 How's my big, important executive? 165 00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,729 Oh Marge, every woman I interview 166 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,023 for the secretary job makes kissy faces at me. 167 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:02,899 Hmm... 168 00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:06,027 Hello, Mr. Simpson. I'm Karl. 169 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,737 He sounds good. Hire him. 170 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,530 -I'll call ya' back, Marge. -Simpson. 171 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,741 Meeting in the board room tomorrow at 2:00. 172 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,534 Just sit there and keep your mouth shut, got it? 173 00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,244 Yes, Mr. Smithers. 174 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,079 He thinks he's so big. 175 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,040 -You don't belong here. -Huh? 176 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,709 You don't belong here. 177 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:23,503 You're a fraud, and a phony, 178 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,671 and it's only a matter of time until they find you out. 179 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,590 -(gasps) Who told you? -You did. 180 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,675 You told me with the way you slump your shoulders. 181 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,177 The way you talk into your chest. 182 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,762 The way you smother yourself 183 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:35,515 in bargain basement lime green polyester. 184 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,433 I want you to say to yourself 185 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,185 "I deserve this." 186 00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,645 "I love it." 187 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:43,231 "I am nature's greatest miracle." 188 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,482 Go ahead, say it. 189 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:45,900 -I-I deser... -Trust me, Homer. 190 00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:48,236 -I-- Uh... -Take a step and say it! 191 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:49,612 I... deserve this. 192 00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,113 -Louder! -I deserve this! 193 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,867 -Shout it! -I am nature's greatest miracle! 194 00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,119 I'll need three weeks vacation and moving expenses. 195 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:58,496 You've got it, buddy! 196 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,373 Let's go shopping! 197 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,714 (gasps) Ooh... beauty. 198 00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:09,966 A man's suit 199 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,509 should make him feel like a prince. 200 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:14,720 It should cry out to the world, "Here I am." 201 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,347 "Don't judge me. Love me." 202 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,182 Do any of these suits do that? 203 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,350 No. 204 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,687 Woo! I like this. 205 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:25,523 No, no, no, stand naturally, Mr. Simpson. 206 00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:27,233 Let it all hang out. 207 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,319 You, conceal it. 208 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,906 (Marge humming) 209 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,618 Mom and Dad have been smooching again. 210 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,161 Got to run, Marge. Can't be late! 211 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,080 Happy Anniversary, Homer. 212 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,874 What? Our anniversary? Are you sure? 213 00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,459 Well, don't worry, Homie. 214 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,753 This year you have an excuse for not remembering 215 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,088 -what with your job and-- -(knock on door) 216 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:51,090 Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Homer Simpson! 217 00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,968 ♪ You are so beautiful ♪ 218 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:57,388 ♪ to me, yeah ♪ 219 00:09:57,471 --> 00:10:00,266 ♪ You are so beautiful ♪ 220 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:01,601 ♪ to me ♪ 221 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,977 ♪ Can't you see ♪ 222 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,145 -Oh, Homer. -(telephone rings) 223 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:07,648 -Hello? -Mr. Simpson, it's Karl. 224 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,526 Ah, it sounds like everything has arrived. 225 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,403 -Wonderful. -You did this? 226 00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,905 Yes, sir. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds. 227 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,700 ♪ You are so beautiful ♪ 228 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:21,037 ♪ to me ♪ 229 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,039 I love you, Homer! 230 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:26,208 I love you, Karl-- Uh, Marge. 231 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,293 Proceed, Smithers. 232 00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:28,794 Our first issue, sir, 233 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,254 is our low productivity 234 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,006 and record-high worker accident rate. 235 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,425 Guh! Any suggestions? 236 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,510 A round of layoffs might wake up the idiots. 237 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,304 We could put caffeine in the water cooler. 238 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,056 Hmm, well, those are my ideas! 239 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,183 You people don't think, you regurgitate! 240 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,769 That's why I promoted someone who's in touch with the workers. 241 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:46,729 -You. -I think you mean him, sir. 242 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,857 You then. How would you improve the workers' situation? 243 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,610 Well, I-- Well, sir, for one thing, 244 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,362 we had a problem every Tuesday 245 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,280 when the cafeteria would serve fish sticks. 246 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,574 Fish sticks! What in blazes are you talking about? 247 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,493 Well sir, they cut the head off the fish 248 00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:02,411 and chop up the rest into sticks and then put seasoned bread crumbs-- 249 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,539 I know what fish sticks are! Get to the point! 250 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,125 Well, you only get this tiny 251 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,544 little cup of tartar sauce to dip 'em in and I always run out. 252 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:11,754 Will you stop wasting our time, Simpson? 253 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,214 Shut up, Smithers. 254 00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:14,590 Can't you see what he's saying? 255 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,592 A happy worker is a busy worker. 256 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,386 Three cents' worth of tartar sauce 257 00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,596 could save us thousands of man-hours in labor. 258 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,932 I like the cut of your jib, Simpson. 259 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:27,144 Let the fools have their tartar sauce. 260 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,980 HOMER: Enjoy your tartar sauce, boys. Enjoy! 261 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:32,441 Give me your plates. Don't crowd. 262 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,943 Plenty for everybody! 263 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:37,822 Hmm, brilliant. 264 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,658 Who could ever have imagined that Simpson's sweeping reforms 265 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,660 would pay off so quickly? 266 00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,621 You know sir, accidents decreased by exactly the number 267 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,374 that Simpson himself has known or suspected to have caused last month. 268 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,376 And our output level was just as high 269 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,961 during Simpson's last vacation. 270 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:54,171 My dear, tired old Smithers... 271 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,465 do I detect a note of jealousy? 272 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,008 (laughing) 273 00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,677 It is time. 274 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,805 Give Simpson... the key. 275 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:06,475 KARL: Mr. Simpson don't sit on that filthy thing one second longer. 276 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,229 They've given you... the key. 277 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:11,897 HOMER (gasps): The key?! 278 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,357 -He's got the key. -Who's got the key? 279 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,696 (all gasping) 280 00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,040 (bird chirping) 281 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:34,420 KARL: Stunning. Absolutely stunning. 282 00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,629 (toilet flushes) 283 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,173 Oh! Hey, ho, men. 284 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,799 You know I was watching the Dumont last night 285 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,468 and I happened to catch a fascinating documentary 286 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,428 on Rommel, The Desert Fox. 287 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,430 Now there's a man who could get things done. 288 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:45,890 Towel, please, Simpson. 289 00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,350 -Allow me, sir. -I said Simpson. 290 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:51,645 Uh... sure thing, Mr. Burns. 291 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:53,105 Well done, Simpson. 292 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:54,690 Now walk behind me down the hallway. 293 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,442 Can do, sir. 294 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,637 SMITHERS: Hmm. 295 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,390 "$1,000? 296 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,558 "Dimoxinil? 297 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,560 Keep brain from freezing?" 298 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,687 Now I've got you, Simpson. 299 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,147 (laughing) 300 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:43,531 MARGE: Hmm Homer, between your hair care products and new wardrobe 301 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,491 we're not saving anything for a rainy day. 302 00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:48,536 Rainy day! There's never going to be a rainy day, Marge. 303 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,121 There's not a cloud in the Simpson sky. 304 00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,082 And what does my little girl want? 305 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,960 An absence of mood swings and some stability in my life. 306 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,837 Uh... how about a pony? 307 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:58,963 Okay. 308 00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:00,756 BURNS: I want you to weave 309 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,425 that patented Simpson magic with my executives. 310 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,511 A short speech. Work, work, work. You know. 311 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:06,720 Uh, well, okay. What the hey? 312 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:09,431 Excellent. Set you to your task, Simpson. 313 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,812 Hmm. Uh, Mr. Burns, it is my sad duty 314 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,522 to report that one of your executives 315 00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,274 has bilked the company insurance plan out of $1,000. 316 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,151 What? Blast his hide to Hades! 317 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:24,655 Ooh! and I was going to buy that ivory back scratcher. 318 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:25,865 How did he do it? 319 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,741 He charged the company for Dimoxinil. 320 00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:28,951 It's a baldness cure. 321 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,953 Thank you very much, professor science. 322 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,788 I know what Dimoxinil is. 323 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,708 Now, go and make an example of this hooligan. 324 00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:37,918 With pleasure, sir. 325 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,671 Karl, you got to help me. Mr. Burns wants me 326 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:42,965 to make some speech to his executives, and-- 327 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,174 -Ahem. -What do you want? 328 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:45,467 Oh, just thought I'd drop by 329 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,303 -to tell you that you're fired. -What? 330 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,180 Our company does not look kindly upon $1,000 331 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,557 worth of insurance fraud. 332 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:52,933 Clean out your desk by noon, Simpson. 333 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,310 (moans) 334 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:57,187 Wait, Mr. Smithers. Homer Simpson is innocent. 335 00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:58,814 I did this. 336 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,190 -You did? -What are you talking about? 337 00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:02,651 Mr. Simpson was unaware of any impropriety. 338 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,778 I take full responsibility. 339 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:06,989 Really? Oh. 340 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:09,992 Well, then... you're fired, whoever you are. 341 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,827 Here's your $1,000. 342 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,539 (groans) Hey, what do you care if this guy's bald? 343 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:18,167 My reasons... are my own. 344 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:22,588 Karl, you saved me. Why? 345 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:26,008 Have I done something extraordinary here today? 346 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:29,178 No. I did what I was born to do. 347 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,096 What any good soldier would have done 348 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,724 when a live grenade threatened his commander. 349 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:38,312 I threw myself upon it and bore its terrible brunt. 350 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,064 Oh, thanks, Karl. 351 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,650 I don't know what to say. 352 00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,276 Just walk me to my car. 353 00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:49,448 Bye, Karl. I'm going to miss you. 354 00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:50,866 Bye, Mr. Simpson. 355 00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:58,040 Oh, Mr. Simpson, did you bring an umbrella today? 356 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,125 D'oh! No. 357 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,293 Here. 358 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,423 (Karl sneezes) 359 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,305 Okay, okay, okay, you're broke. You're flat broke. 360 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,724 You don't have Karl anymore. He's not here, but you've got your hair. 361 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,017 That's right. It's all about hair. 362 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:18,936 Oh, that big speech. 363 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,020 (thunder rumbles) 364 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,485 Oh-ho. 365 00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,283 BART: Hey, what's happening, hep cats? 366 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:35,619 -No way! -It's gotta be a fake. 367 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:39,665 It's like realsville, Daddy-o. Heh. 368 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,921 Bart! What are you doing? 369 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:46,964 Uh-oh. 370 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,173 -Aah! -Aah! 371 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:49,550 -Why, you little... -Uh-oh. 372 00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,301 -(growls) -(Bart screaming) 373 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,553 (Homer shouting incoherently) 374 00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,513 Aah! 375 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,557 Boy... must... die! 376 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,308 I love you, Dad. 377 00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:01,395 D'oh! Dirty trick. 378 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,814 Okay. I'm not gonna kill you, 379 00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:05,524 but I'm going to tell you three things 380 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,484 that are going to haunt you for the rest of your days. 381 00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:08,944 You've ruined your father. 382 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,654 You've crippled your family, 383 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,990 and baldness is hereditary. 384 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,533 It is?! 385 00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:19,663 (sobbing) 386 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:22,374 Oh, Homer, why don't you just call the pharmacy and-- 387 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:23,959 I don't have 1,000 bucks! 388 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,003 But you do, don't you, Marge? You do. You do. 389 00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,047 You've been squirreling it away, haven't you? 390 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,340 Saving it for a rainy day, that's what you've said, right, right, right? 391 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:31,717 Homer! 392 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,844 (sobbing) 393 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:36,472 Dad is taking this in a less-than-heroic fashion. 394 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,903 Oh, Homie, I'm so sorry. 395 00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,613 (shuddering sigh) 396 00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:55,407 Got that big speech in five minutes, Simpson, huh? 397 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,202 You're not going to hang yourself, are you? 398 00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,620 D'oh! 399 00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:01,121 Huh? 400 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,458 KARL: "Dear Mr. Simpson 401 00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,543 "I've taken the liberty of preparing your speech 402 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,796 "on the enclosed numbered three-by-five cards. 403 00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,714 "all the big words are spelled... 404 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,466 "pho-en-ne-net-tically. 405 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,259 "God bless you. 406 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:18,180 "You are one of Springfield's very special creatures. 407 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:21,558 Your obedient servant, Karl." 408 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,601 Good luck, sir. 409 00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:23,811 Ah! Karl. 410 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,229 So that wasn't just a sweet voice 411 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,606 I heard inside my head. What are you doing here? 412 00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:30,192 I just came to say good-bye to the gals in the typing pool. 413 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,569 Yeah, well. Thanks for the speech, Karl 414 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:34,780 but I can't give it. Look at me. 415 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,615 I guess I haven't taught you anything. 416 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,408 -What do you mean? -Don't you see? 417 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,244 The tartar sauce, the bathroom key, 418 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,204 drying your boss's hands. 419 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,498 You did it all. It was never the hair. 420 00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:47,501 You did it because you believed you could, and you still can. 421 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,253 No, I can't. I'm just a big fool. 422 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:50,838 -Oh no, you're not. -How do you know? 423 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:54,424 Because my mother taught me never to kiss a fool. 424 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,592 Karl. 425 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,678 Now go get them, tiger. 426 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,679 (growls) 427 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,058 And now, with some fresh insights, 428 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,186 one of the rising young stars of our nuclear family, 429 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,688 Homer Simpson. 430 00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,940 (applause) 431 00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,234 What in blazes? Who is that old geezer? 432 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,694 And what has he done with Homer Simpson? 433 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,196 He is Homer Simpson, sir. 434 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,239 (clears throat) 435 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,866 Uh, a lot of you 436 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:21,118 would think I was crazy if I did this. 437 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,327 He's crazy! 438 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:23,704 Yet we at this power plant 439 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,539 are doing this every hour of every day. 440 00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:28,792 Bloated inventories, outmoded production methods. 441 00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:32,087 I can save this company millions of dollars a year. 442 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,214 How? Through Jiko Kandri 443 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,633 the Japanese art of self-management. 444 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,760 This bald man has no ideas. 445 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,637 If this is a joke, I'm not laughing. 446 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:43,056 Some nerve, telling us how to run the plant. 447 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,433 He doesn't even have hair. 448 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,268 ...inefficiently mining uranium 449 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,854 that can be purchased quite cheaply on the foreign markets. 450 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,772 The long-term benefits 451 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,649 more than offsetting the one-time cost 452 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,111 for a net savings of five thousand, two... 453 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,322 (mumbling) 454 00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,406 ...lots of money. 455 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:01,658 Mr. Burns' office. Right now. 456 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,538 Dead man coming through. 457 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:07,956 MR. BURNS: Well, well, well 458 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,001 our dashing young "junior" executive. 459 00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:14,087 You made a hollow mockery of our morning meeting, Simpson. 460 00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:16,256 I should fire you on the spot. 461 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,800 But... I'm not going to. 462 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,886 Uh, why? 463 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,804 Simpsons, how old do you think I am? 464 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,182 I don't know. 102? 465 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:27,517 I'm only 81. 466 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,103 You may find this hard to believe 467 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:33,815 but in my salad days, my crowning glory 468 00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:37,319 was a bright shock of strawberry blonde curls. 469 00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:40,739 Oh, I was big man on campus until my senior year, 470 00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,283 when I became as bald as a plucked chicken. 471 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,868 You see, Simpson 472 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:50,123 I, too, know the sting of male pattern baldness. 473 00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:53,335 That's why I'm giving you your old job back. 474 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,004 What? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. 475 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,131 Now get out of here before I reconsider. 476 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:00,509 Oh. Better hurry up. 477 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:04,137 (Homer mumbling) 478 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:06,306 Homer, are you still awake? 479 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,308 I've never been more awake in my life. 480 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:09,434 What's wrong? 481 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:10,936 Are you kidding? 482 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:13,981 I'm stuck in that dead-end job again. 483 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,816 The kids are going to hate me 484 00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,694 'cause I can't buy 'em all that stuff I promised them, 485 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,196 and you're not going to love me as much 486 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,824 'cause I'm ugly and bald. 487 00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:25,325 Oh, Homer. 488 00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:28,495 Your job has always put food on our table 489 00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:30,539 and the kids will get over it. 490 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:32,165 And? 491 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,167 And what about loving me? 492 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:36,253 Oh, Homer, I-- 493 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:37,838 -Come here. -Why? 494 00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:39,840 -Come here. -Oh. 495 00:21:39,923 --> 00:21:47,806 ♪ You are so beautiful to me ♪ 496 00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:53,395 ♪ You are so beautiful to me ♪ 497 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,147 ♪ Can't you see? ♪ 498 00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:56,773 Aw. 499 00:21:56,857 --> 00:22:00,110 ♪ You're everything that I hope for ♪ 500 00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:03,655 ♪ I'm everything you need ♪ 501 00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:07,242 -♪ You are so beautiful ♪ -♪ I am so beautiful ♪ 502 00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,328 -♪ to me ♪ -♪ to you ♪ 503 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,377 ♪♪ 504 00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:02,881 Shh! 505 00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:08,095 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.