1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:05,922 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:19,060 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,525 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,905 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:43,460 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,380 (tires screech) 7 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,221 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,809 (horn honks) 9 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,187 (tires screech) 10 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,650 -Aah! -(tires screech) 11 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:25,627 {\an8}So, Homer, what happened in Capital City? 12 00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,253 {\an8}Oh, Barney. 13 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,631 {\an8}Come on, Homer. We're dying of curiosity. 14 00:01:29,714 --> 00:01:33,134 {\an8}Look, there's only one thing worse than being a loser. 15 00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:35,136 {\an8}It's being one of those guys who sits in a bar 16 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,472 {\an8}telling the story of how he became a loser. 17 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:40,183 {\an8}And I never want that to happen to me. 18 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,392 {\an8}Please, Homer. 19 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:42,936 {\an8}-Yeah. Come on, Homer. -Well, okay. 20 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:46,564 {\an8}It all started on nuclear plant employee, spouses 21 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:49,317 and no-more-than- three-children night 22 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,735 down at Springfield Stadium. 23 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,737 (distant police siren wails) 24 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:53,988 (panting) 25 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,116 Well, I think we lost him. 26 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,826 Hey, and we're at the ball park. 27 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:01,079 All right! Two birds with one stone. 28 00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,747 Okay, everybody out. 29 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,917 (cheering and yelling) 30 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,294 You know, boy, some of the players you see tonight 31 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,547 may make it to the big leagues one day. 32 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,132 What? Aren't we going to see 33 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,842 any washed-up major leaguers? 34 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,177 Sure, we get a nice mix here. 35 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:19,055 I can't think of a better place to spend a balmy summer's night 36 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,765 than the old ball yard. 37 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,684 There's just the green grass of the outfield 38 00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,019 the crushed brick of the infield 39 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,729 and the white chalk lines 40 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,356 that divide the man from the little boy. 41 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:32,193 (chuckles) Lisa, honey, you're forgetting the beer. 42 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,195 It comes in 72-ounce tubs here. 43 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:36,823 I hope you'll space out the tubs this year, Homer. 44 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,825 -What are you getting at? -Well, last year 45 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:41,953 you got a little rambunctious and mooned the poor umpire. 46 00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:44,831 Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. 47 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:48,626 It also gives me the right-- no, the duty-- 48 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,753 to make a complete ass of myself. 49 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,255 Hmm. 50 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,549 Ah, the Gammills. Good to see you. 51 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,926 You're an inspiration to all of us 52 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,845 in waste management, sir. 53 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,055 Well, take your mind off contaminates for one night 54 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:03,808 and have a hot dog. (chuckles) 55 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,643 Put a little smile on his card, Smithers. 56 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,103 Already there, sir. 57 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,565 -(whispers) It's the Simpsons, sir. -(scoffs) 58 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,942 Ah, well, if it isn't the Simps. 59 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,945 Uh, Simpsons, sir. 60 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,989 Huh? Oh, yes. 61 00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:19,741 Homer and Marge Simpson. 62 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:23,745 Oh, and these must be Bart, Lisa, and expecting. 63 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,663 The card needs to be updated, sir. 64 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:26,915 Well-- (sputters) 65 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,666 Oh, that's okay. 66 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,877 The baby's name isn't important. Let's go, Marge. 67 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,297 VENDOR: Red Hots! Get your Red Hots here! 68 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,011 BART: Oh, wow! There's Flash Baylor. 69 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,221 I gotta get his autograph. 70 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,056 He used to be a star. 71 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,683 -Hey, Flash, will you sign my ball? -No. 72 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:50,021 Lousy, washed-up broken-down tub of guts. 73 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,898 Who does he think he is, anyway? 74 00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,192 -What's the matter, boy? -He wouldn't sign my ball. 75 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:57,403 Well, he's a fine role model. Bart, give me that ball. 76 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,200 Hey, Flash, check out the mature quail headin' this way. 77 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:03,326 Well, hey, there, little lady. 78 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,536 What can Flash do for you? 79 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,830 Here you go, Bart. 80 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:12,001 Hmm. "Springfield Kozy Kort Motel, Room 26. 81 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,503 How 'bout it? Flash." 82 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:14,754 Wow! 83 00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,507 Flash Baylor came on to my wife. 84 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,843 -You've still got the magic, Marge. -(giggles) 85 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,638 Hey, Dad, look! You're on Jumbovision. 86 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:27,267 {\an8}Whoa! Hey, everybody, how you doing? 87 00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,476 {\an8}Look at me. 88 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:31,312 {\an8}I'm Homer Simpson. Heh heh. 89 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,356 {\an8}(crowd laughs) 90 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,817 Homer. Homer, X-Y-Z. 91 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,111 Examine my zipper? Why? Whoops! 92 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,323 {\an8}Heh heh heh. Thanks, everybody. 93 00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:43,574 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 94 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:44,951 throwing out tonight's first ball 95 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,995 the man whose name is synonymous 96 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,247 with our nation's safest and cleanest energy source-- 97 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:52,417 Mr. Montgomery Burns! 98 00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,210 (scattered applause) 99 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,378 Oh, they love you, sir. 100 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,796 (chuckles) As well they might. 101 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:59,090 You know, Smithers, when I was a young buck, 102 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:02,051 my patented fadeaway pitch was compared by many 103 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,263 to the "trouble ball" of the late, great Satchel Paige. 104 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:06,973 Spit on this for me, Smithers. 105 00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,349 One hocker coming up, sir. 106 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,809 (spits) 107 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,230 -Wuah! -(laughter) 108 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,441 What a lame-o. 109 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,444 I think I could actually hear the air being torn, sir. 110 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,403 Oh, shut up. 111 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,530 Hey, Burns! Hey, rag arm! 112 00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,449 {\an8}You throw like my sister, man! 113 00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,868 {\an8}Yeah, you throw like me! 114 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,078 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, to honor America 115 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,080 will you please rise for our national anthem 116 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,375 sung tonight by Springfield's rhythm and blues sensation 117 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,502 Bleeding Gums Murphy. 118 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:39,922 ♪ Oh ♪ 119 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:43,092 (vocalizing) 120 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:47,013 ♪ Oh, say ♪ 121 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,307 ♪ Can you-- ♪ 122 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,350 I'm asking-- 123 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:55,480 ♪ Can you see ♪ 124 00:05:55,563 --> 00:06:01,652 ♪ By the dawn's... ♪ 125 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:09,577 ♪ ...And the rockets' red glare ♪ 126 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,288 ♪ The bombs burstin' ♪ 127 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,915 ♪ Shoot it off ♪ 128 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:18,669 ♪ Poppin' way up in the air... ♪ 129 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:24,967 ♪ And.... the home... 130 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:34,102 ♪ Of the... ♪ 131 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:41,025 ♪ Brave ♪ 132 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,485 (everyone sighs) 133 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,237 Hi-dee-hi Springfield. Dan Hoard, mikeside. 134 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,947 Tonight our Isotopes take on 135 00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,533 the pesky Shelbyville Shelbyvillians. 136 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,451 The 'Topes are looking to snap that darn 26-game 137 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,162 losing streak-- longest in professional baseball. 138 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,873 How 'bout that? Our sleepy town is in the record book. 139 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,000 Ah. Sitting with the employees-- 140 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,627 I guess this proves I'm their friend. 141 00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,088 You did get me something on an aisle, Smithers? 142 00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,881 I don't want to be surrounded by them. 143 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,842 Let's go now! Swing, batter! 144 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,553 We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher! 145 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,639 We want a catcher not a belly scratcher! 146 00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:13,558 -Here we are, sir. -Oh, no. 147 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,189 Oh, Marge, sitting next to the boss. 148 00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,817 The best night of the year, and it's ruined. 149 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,902 Of all the lousy, rotten... 150 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:28,239 All this means is you can't wave your fanny in public. 151 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:29,615 Oh! Yeah, rub it in. 152 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:34,412 Beer here! 153 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,621 Duff beer! 154 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,748 Beer. Did you hear that, Marge? 155 00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,585 Delicious, frosty beer. 156 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:43,463 Fat lot of good it does me, sitting next to old man Burns. 157 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,131 Now, Homer. 158 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,049 I suppose you want a beer. 159 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,510 Me, sir? Oh, no, not a chance. 160 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,345 Only idiots drink beer. 161 00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,848 Actually I was wondering if you'd join me? My treat. 162 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:57,143 Oh. Well, if someone of your stature 163 00:07:57,226 --> 00:07:58,561 can enjoy a beer, 164 00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:00,396 maybe I'm all turned around on the subject. 165 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,898 Wait a minute. 166 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,399 We're not having a drug test tomorrow, are we? 167 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,401 No. Vendor, two, please. 168 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:07,862 VENDOR: $2.50. 169 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,239 ♪♪ (organ) 170 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,660 The hitter's off his rocker, kissing Betty Crocker! 171 00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,996 Ha ha ha! Good one, sir. 172 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:19,499 Oh, well, I used to rile the late, great Connie Mack 173 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,043 with that one at old Shibe Park. 174 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,795 Little baby batter can't control his bladder! 175 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:27,673 Mmm, crude, but I like it. 176 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,175 What do you say 177 00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:32,011 we freshen up our little drinkie-poos? 178 00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,013 -Don't mind if I do. -(chuckles) 179 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,808 ♪♪ (organ) 180 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,436 Well, Simpsy, you up for another wave? 181 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,521 All right, Burnsy. 182 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,190 -Wo! Wo! Wo! -Wa! Wa! Wa! 183 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,483 -Wo! Wo! -Wa! Wa! 184 00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:48,361 HOARD: Bases loaded. 'Topes have one out, 185 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:49,695 down by three. 186 00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,322 Here's the pitch. 187 00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:52,490 Swung on and missed. 188 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:53,491 Strike three. Of course. 189 00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:55,368 Damnation. 190 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:58,162 These banjos couldn't carry Pie Traynor's glove. 191 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,456 Big Bill McCloskey coming up. As soon as he pops out 192 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,416 we'll go right to the postgame show. 193 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,961 C'mon, all we need is a grand slam. 194 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,505 (muttering) 195 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:09,966 My one game of the year 196 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,425 ruined by pathetic incompetence. 197 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,262 ♪♪ ("Baby Elephant Walk") 198 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,638 What's wrong with you people? 199 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,473 Let's show some spirit! Come on, get up! 200 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,102 Your team needs you! Come on! 201 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:22,895 HOMER: As I got up in front of them, 202 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,939 I felt an intoxication 203 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,816 that had nothing to do with alcohol. 204 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:30,695 It was the intoxication of being a public spectacle. 205 00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:31,779 There's some nut down in right field 206 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,239 dancing up a storm. 207 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,991 He's really got the crowd going. 208 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,367 Let's see if he can shake up mediocre slugger 209 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,244 Big Bill McCloskey. 210 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,542 Swung on and belted to deep left field! 211 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,796 It's going, going... 212 00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,298 It's gone! It's out of here! 213 00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:52,883 Oh, my God! The Isotopes win a game! 214 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,552 The Isotopes win a game! 215 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,387 The Isotopes win a game! 216 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,222 Wow. That was certainly exciting. 217 00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,932 Yes. Unfortunately, 218 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:03,519 Homer Simpson's shameless display of exhibitionism 219 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,187 tainted the entire evening. 220 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,523 I want him banned for life from all company outings. 221 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,566 (chuckling) 222 00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,612 MAN: Way to go, Homer. 223 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:15,781 Hey, thank you. You're too kind. 224 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:16,907 HOMER: Glad you enjoyed it, 225 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:17,992 but I can't take all the credit. 226 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:20,578 The batter did his part, too. 227 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,414 Excuse me. You, sir, the dancing fella. 228 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,626 I'm Antoine Tex Ohara. I own the Isotopes. 229 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,128 Would you be interested in becoming our official mascot? 230 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:33,257 Me? A mascot for a bush league team? 231 00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,009 HOMER: I should have slept on it, 232 00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,303 or at least stared blankly for a while. 233 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,722 Perhaps if I had been unable to think of a nickname, 234 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,975 all our lives might have been spared. 235 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,186 MAN: Get on the bus, Dancin' Homer. 236 00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,479 Will you shut up! 237 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,189 I'm trying to think of a name. 238 00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:55,488 Well, I'm ready to punch in. 239 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,740 Huh-ho, hey, cool, man. 240 00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,825 Our lives have taken an odd turn. 241 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,870 Did the team ask you to dress like that, Homer? 242 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,164 Nope. This was my own bright idea. 243 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:06,666 Come on, we gotta hurry. 244 00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:07,750 Don't fill up on those vegetables, kids. 245 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,502 Save room for your nachos. 246 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,337 KIDS: All right! 247 00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,255 ♪♪ (organ) 248 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,383 For the first time in my life, 249 00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,259 people weren't laughing at me 250 00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,095 they were laughing towards me. 251 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,971 HOARD: 'Topes win! 'Topes win! 252 00:11:21,055 --> 00:11:24,600 Two in a row! Two in a row! 253 00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,898 ♪♪ ("Baby Elephant Walk") 254 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,944 A Simpson on a T-shirt. 255 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,071 I never thought I'd see the day. 256 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,156 Ooh, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie. 257 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,325 Ooh, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie, boogie. 258 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,077 Hey, knock that off 259 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,495 or I'll stick this bat where the sun don't shine. 260 00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:47,331 Oh, yeah? And where might that be? 261 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,332 Oh. 262 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,294 (cheering) 263 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:58,926 Helen, I'm in a Caribbean mood tonight. 264 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:00,720 How 'bout giving me "Baby Elephant Walk" 265 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,013 with a little reggae kind of beat. 266 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:06,600 ♪♪ ("Baby Elephant Walk" reggae style) 267 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,314 (Jamaican accent) Go, Dancin' Homer. Git up man! Git up. 268 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,567 Lively up yourself, Dancin' Homer. 269 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,362 (clapping) 270 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,616 HOARD: Bases loaded. Two outs. 271 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,285 The good guys trail by a run. 272 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:27,747 -(clapping) -CROWD: "S!" 273 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,874 "P!" "R!" 274 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,792 "I!" "N!" 275 00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,544 "G!" "F!" 276 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:35,755 "E -E -L -D!" 277 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,840 Springfield! Yay! 278 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,300 HOARD: Here's the pitch. 279 00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:40,801 Swung on and missed. 280 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,344 Strike three. 281 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,846 'Topes lose. 282 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:46,891 'Topes lose... 'Topes lose... 283 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,565 You wanted to see me, Tex? 284 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:57,067 Homer, now we both knew when you began doin' this 285 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,819 you weren't gonna be here forever. 286 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:02,156 Oh, oh, oh, I get it. 287 00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:04,366 You can't fire the players, so you fire the mascot. 288 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,076 You make me sick. 289 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,288 Homer, I'm not firing you. I just got the word: 290 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,165 You've been called up to Capital City. 291 00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:13,751 -Me? In the majors? -That's right. 292 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,629 Well, wait a minute. Capital City has a mascot. 293 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,798 The greatest mascot there is-- 294 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,424 the Capital City Goofball. 295 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,842 Yeah, but he's gettin' on in years, 296 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,844 and he needs someone to fill in for 297 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,554 a couple of innings a night. 298 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,182 -Could be a big opportunity for ya. -I'll say. 299 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:29,600 Why don't you talk it over with your family? 300 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:32,978 Because they might say no. 301 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:36,023 This was the biggest decision the Simpsons ever faced. 302 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:37,525 I should have listened to the kids 303 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:39,109 instead of my big, dumb wife. 304 00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:40,486 Oh, I shouldn't have called her that. 305 00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,738 Bite my tongue. Bite my tongue. Ow! 306 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,532 I can't leave Springfield. 307 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,617 I was born here and I thought I would die here. 308 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,744 It won't be so bad. 309 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,120 You'll die someplace else. 310 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,832 Well, what am I supposed to do about friends? 311 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,376 Pfft! You'll make new and better friends. 312 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:59,129 But, Dad, we're simple people with simple values. 313 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,966 Capital City is too big and too complex. 314 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,802 Everyone in Springfield knows us and has forgiven us. 315 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,345 Homer, I'd be lying 316 00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,889 if I didn't say that this scares me a little. 317 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,225 But we all have a calling-- 318 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,310 a reason the almighty put us on this Earth-- 319 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,688 and yours might be to dance on dugouts. 320 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,648 -You mean-- -Let's do it, Homer. 321 00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,692 Yeah, let's blow this pop stand 322 00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:20,734 and never look back. 323 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,819 Whatever doesn't kill me 324 00:14:21,902 --> 00:14:23,487 can only make me stronger. 325 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,823 It's not that simple. 326 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,032 I've got to convince my supervisor 327 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,034 to give me a leave of absence. 328 00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:32,538 Sure. What would you like? Four years? Five years? 329 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,875 So, Simpson, you're really moving to Capital City? 330 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,167 That's right, Ned. 331 00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:39,253 All this stuff is for sale, huh? 332 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,964 I don't know how to say this, but, uh-- 333 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,883 Oh, knock it off, Flanders. 334 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,467 Don't start blubbering on me. 335 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,095 I'm gonna miss you too... not. 336 00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:50,180 I don't know, Bart. 337 00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,515 I mean, I'm gonna miss you and all, but-- 338 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,017 Come on, Milhouse. 339 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,852 This way we'll be friends forever. 340 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,479 -Well... okay. -(spitting) 341 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,607 BOTH: Eww! 342 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,483 I'm gonna miss you, spit brother. 343 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,986 I'm gonna miss you, spit brother. 344 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:05,988 I can't help but feel that 345 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,615 if we had gotten to know each other better, 346 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,617 my leaving would actually have meant something. 347 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,285 -Yeah. -Yeah, right. 348 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,289 Well, we have one quick stop 349 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:17,583 and then it's on to Capital City. 350 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,293 I can't believe it-- 351 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,003 our baby sister in the big city. 352 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,756 -I'll call you every day. -I'll call you, too. 353 00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:24,757 (horn honking) 354 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,884 Look, he can use a horn. 355 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:28,886 -(engine starts) -(horn honking) 356 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,471 Oh, shut up. 357 00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:31,513 (cheering, applause) 358 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:34,516 HOMER: Some may say 359 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,603 that I have been given a bad break in life-- 360 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,897 little education, 361 00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,066 bald as a cue ball, 362 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:46,445 ten years on the same job for the same salary. 363 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:51,075 But today, as I leave for Capital City, 364 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,327 I consider myself 365 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:57,289 the luckiest mascot on the face of the Earth. 366 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,753 (crowd cheering) 367 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:05,965 HOMER: With the fickle fans already forgetting me 368 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:09,259 I was ready to take the biggest step of my life. 369 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,302 D'oh! 370 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:20,104 HOMER: Well, kids, there it is-- 371 00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,106 Capital City! 372 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:25,859 Look! The cross-town bridge! 373 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,070 -Wow. -Wow. 374 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:31,865 ♪♪ 375 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,493 TONY BENNETT: ♪ There's a swingin' town I know ♪ 376 00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:37,538 ♪ Called Capital City ♪ 377 00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,206 The Penny Loafer! 378 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:43,252 ♪ People stop and scream hello in ♪ 379 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,170 ♪ Capital City ♪ 380 00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,339 Kids, look! Street crime. 381 00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:50,926 ♪ It's the kind of place that makes a bum ♪ 382 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,261 ♪ Feel like a king ♪ 383 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,680 Wow! That's service! 384 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,974 ♪ And it makes a king ♪ 385 00:16:57,057 --> 00:17:01,437 ♪ Feel like some nutty, cuckoo super-king ♪ 386 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,480 Look, it's Tony Bennett! 387 00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,066 Hey, good to see you. 388 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:10,529 ♪ It's against the law to frown in ♪ 389 00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:12,990 ♪ Capital City ♪ 390 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:16,994 ♪ You'll caper like a stupid clown ♪ 391 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,328 ♪ When you chance to see ♪ 392 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:19,663 MARGE: Fourth Street and D! 393 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,707 ♪ Fourth Street and D, yeah! ♪ 394 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,168 ♪ Once you get a whiff of it ♪ 395 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,754 ♪ You'll never want to roam ♪ 396 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,548 The Duff brewery! 397 00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:32,259 ♪ Capital City, My home, sweet, yeah! ♪ 398 00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:34,094 ♪ Capital City ♪ 399 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,679 ♪ That happy, tall city ♪ 400 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,223 ♪ It's Capital City ♪ 401 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:41,643 ♪ My home, sweet, swinging home! ♪ 402 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:49,068 ALL: Capital City. Yeah! 403 00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,990 HOMER (softly): C... A... 404 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,784 P... 405 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,869 Uh... I... 406 00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:01,038 Mmm, come to bed, Homie. 407 00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,331 Sorry, honey. 408 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,709 I'm just a little nervous. 409 00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,588 HOMER: We would talk about it always. 410 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:12,633 For the first time in our lives 411 00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:15,219 Marge fell asleep before I did. 412 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,138 Okay, here are your tickets. 413 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,723 They are supposed to be good. 414 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,850 You're sitting with the players' wives. 415 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,519 And don't forget to cheer for me. 416 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,438 See you after the game when you're a big star. 417 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,941 Bart was strangely quiet. 418 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,359 Later, he explained he was confused 419 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,569 by feelings of respect for me. 420 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,529 It wouldn't last. 421 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:34,488 Wow. 422 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,994 (gasp) Oh, my God! I don't believe it. 423 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:42,496 It's really you-- 424 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:44,289 The Capital City Goofball. 425 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,917 Hello, Dancin' Homer. Glad to have you aboard. 426 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,669 If there's anything I can do for you-- 427 00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,754 -just squeeze the wheeze. -(honks) 428 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,133 The fifth inning will be yours. 429 00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:55,509 Everyone is settled in. 430 00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,219 They've had a couple of beers. 431 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,680 The game is official. It's a pretty important inning. 432 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:00,931 Wow, the fifth. 433 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,850 It's also the inning I wish I had a zipper 434 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,352 on the front of this thing, if you know what I mean. 435 00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:06,311 -(honking) -Right, Mr. Goofball. 436 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,105 Hey, call me plain old "Goof." 437 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:10,190 So, what exactly do you have planned for us? 438 00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,441 Well, I get up, I dance, 439 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,068 I spell out the name of the city 440 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,987 all to the tune of "Baby Elephant Walk." 441 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,656 Ah, Mancini, the mascot's best friend. 442 00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:19,241 Well, see you on that field. 443 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:22,286 I'll set 'em up. You knock 'em down. 444 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,455 (thud) 445 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:27,166 -♪♪ (organ) -Well, hello again everybody. 446 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,667 Dave Glass talking at you. 447 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,753 We got great weather here tonight under the dome. 448 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,714 Hmm, let's see. 449 00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:37,676 Upper, upper, upper mezzanine. Hmm. 450 00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:40,554 Well, these must be ours. 451 00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:42,848 -These seats stink! -You'd think players' wives 452 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,641 would be a little closer to the action. 453 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,603 Actually, this section is for the players' ex-wives. 454 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,521 And then I found out that all the while, 455 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,940 there was this bimbo in Kansas City. 456 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,233 Throw at his head! 457 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,695 HOMER: Who'd have thought it? 458 00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,989 A free ticket to a big league park, 459 00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:00,866 but I was too tense to enjoy the game. 460 00:20:00,949 --> 00:20:02,910 Every ounce of concentration I possessed 461 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,203 was focused on the task at hand. 462 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,039 Red Hots! Get your Red Hots here! 463 00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,498 Ooh, Red Hots. 464 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,042 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen 465 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,418 Capital City's newest sensation, 466 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,713 Dancin' Homer! 467 00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:17,633 Mmm, these do taste better at the ball park. 468 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:18,926 Uh-oh. 469 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:22,095 There he is! 470 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:25,390 I was graceful. I was witty. 471 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,559 Brother, I was something. 472 00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:29,394 But they didn't care. 473 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,563 (yawning) 474 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,232 What is with these people? 475 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:34,608 Why are they sitting on their hands? 476 00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:35,859 Mom, what's he doing wrong? 477 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,778 I don't know. 478 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,655 HOMER: It was so quiet, 479 00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,281 you could hear each individual smart-ass remark. 480 00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,575 Well, this guy doesn't make me want to cheer. 481 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,244 Gee, I really pity him, 482 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,204 making a fool of himself in front of so many people. 483 00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:49,122 These cornball antics may play in the sticks, 484 00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,041 but this is Capital City. 485 00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,751 The only applause I got 486 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,378 was for dragging my carcass out of there. 487 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,881 Hey, Mr. Showmanship. 488 00:20:57,965 --> 00:21:00,300 The owner wants to see you in his office right now. 489 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,427 I'm sorry, young man, you're just not ready. 490 00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:03,887 Pick up your check at the front office, 491 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,764 and for God's sake, put some clothes on! 492 00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,183 Well, I guess it's back to good old Springfield. 493 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,519 But I can't go back! Not after I've seen 494 00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,104 the bright lights of Capital City. 495 00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,398 I'll wither and die like a hothouse flower. 496 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:16,817 Now stop it, you two, and don't look too down. 497 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:19,069 I'm sure this is hard enough for your father. 498 00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:21,405 (cheering) 499 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:22,823 {\an8}Way to go, man! All right, Dad! 500 00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:24,157 Oh, what a family. 501 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,493 My wife and kids stood by me. 502 00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:27,786 On the way home, 503 00:21:27,869 --> 00:21:29,579 I realized how little that helped. 504 00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:33,458 So that's it. The costume's buried now. 505 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:37,754 As my son would say, I'm one sad ape-like dude. 506 00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:39,506 -Wow! -What a saga. 507 00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:43,051 Hey. You guys are hanging on my every word. 508 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:44,928 I've become the center of attention. 509 00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,305 Yeah, it's riveting. 510 00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:47,472 Tell it again, Homer. 511 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:49,599 Okay. 512 00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:52,144 I wonder why stories of degradation and humiliation 513 00:21:52,227 --> 00:21:53,478 make you more popular. 514 00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,398 {\an8}MOE: I don't know. They just do. 515 00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:04,281 {\an8}TONY BENNETT: ♪ There's a swingin' town I know called ♪ 516 00:22:04,364 --> 00:22:07,868 {\an8}♪ Capital City ♪ 517 00:22:07,951 --> 00:22:12,414 {\an8}♪ People stop and scream hello in ♪ 518 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:16,001 {\an8}♪ Capital City ♪ 519 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:20,505 {\an8}♪ It's the kind of place that makes a bum ♪ 520 00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:24,092 {\an8}♪ Feel like a king ♪ 521 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:26,386 {\an8}♪ And it makes a king ♪ 522 00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:32,267 {\an8}♪ Feel like some nutty, cuckoo super-king ♪ 523 00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:37,064 {\an8}♪ It's against the law to frown in ♪ 524 00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:40,067 {\an8}♪ Capital City ♪ 525 00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:43,570 {\an8}♪ You'll caper like a stupid clown ♪ 526 00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:46,281 {\an8}♪ When you chance to see ♪ 527 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,492 {\an8}♪ Fourth Street and D, yeah! ♪ 528 00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:51,995 {\an8}♪ Once you get a whiff of it ♪ 529 00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:55,665 {\an8}♪ You'll never want to roam ♪ 530 00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:57,793 {\an8}♪ From Capital City ♪ 531 00:22:57,876 --> 00:23:03,715 {\an8}♪ My home, sweet swingin' home ♪ 532 00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:10,722 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.