♪ The Simpsons ♪
-(chalk screeches) -(bell ringing)
(work whistle blowing)
-(sucking) -(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
(tires screeching)
(car horn honks)
-Aah! -(tires screeching)
Hey, you punk, you...
(humming "We Gather Together")
♪♪ ("Washington Post March" playing on TV )
(muffled screaming )
Bart! Stop fighting with your sister!
-She took my glue. -It's not yours, Bart.
This is family glue.
Stop it, you two. This is Thanksgiving, so glue friendly,
or I'll take your glue away and then no one will have any glue to glue with!
Dad, this isn't about glue.
It's about territoriality.
He only wants the glue because I'm using it.
-Oh, yeah? Prove it. -Here.
Hey man, I don't want your stupid glue.
TV ANNOUNCER: Uh-oh, here comes our friend, Bullwinkle J. Moose.
Bullwinkle's antlers sprung a leak.
Uh-oh, looks like ol' Bullwinkle's kind of got a taste of his own medicine.
-He certainly did, Bill. -Wait.
Wait, what did-- Did what I say make sense?
Well, no, not really, Bill.
Boy, now I know how the pilgrims felt.
What are you talking about, Bill?
Who the hell is that?
-Bullwinkle. -Who?
Wait a minute. Who's that?
Underdog. Don't you know anything?
I know it wouldn't hurt 'em
to use some cartoons made in the last 50 years.
Son, this is a tradition.
You start building a balloon
for every flash in the pan cartoon character
you'll turn the parade into a farce.
Maggie, I'm about to unveil my centerpiece to the family.
It's a tribute to the trailblazing women who made our country great.
See? There's Georgia O'Keeffe, Susan B. Anthony.
And this is Marjory Stoneman Douglas.
I'm sure you haven't heard of her.
But she worked her whole life to preserve the Florida Everglades.
As one of the Simpson women,
would you like to contribute something to it?
Oh, thank you.
Honey, please, you're in the way.
Can't I help you, Mom?
Well, Okay.
Let's see. Can you do the cranberry sauce?
Yeah! Where is it?
The can is in the cupboard on the bottom shelf.
-Here? -No, no, no. The other shelf.
Oh! Got it. Now what?
-Open the can. -No problemo.
-Where's the can opener? -It's in the second drawer
from the right.
No, no, no, no. The other one.
Oh, I got you.
It's broken, Mom.
Mom, it's broken.
♪ Mom, it's broken, Mom, it's broken ♪
I don't think that it's broken, honey.
Here, let me try.
There you go.
(slurping)
Ah, cranberry sauce, a la Bart.
MARGE: Just stick it in the refrigerator when you're done, Bart.
Bart?
(sighs)
See, Maggie, those silver and blue guys
are the Dallas Cowboys.
They're Daddy's favorite team, and he wants them to lose
by less than five and a half points. Understand?
SPORTSCASTER: Kogen's got Wolidarsky open way down field.
And it's complete! Ooh, what a hit.
SPORTSCASTER #2: Oh yeah, he's out cold, Gill.
GILL: Yes sir. Looks like they'll be feeding him
Thanksgiving dinner through a tube.
SPORTSCASTER #2: Heh-heh. If they can fit a turkey in there--
GILL: Get on with it.
Homer, shouldn't you go pick up Grampa?
Half time, Marge, half time.
-(knock on door) -SELMA: Ding-dong. Here comes the cavalry.
-D'oh! -Homer, you promised
to be nice to my sisters.
I know. I will.
-You brought food. -Just a few things.
Swedish meatballs.
Mm-hmm. And my trout almondine.
You knew that I was cooking a turkey.
-Which is fine. -More power to you.
It's just that some people find your turkey a little dry.
Mm-hmm. And if they want an option, they'll have it.
-(groans) -Hi, Patty. Mwah!
Hi, Selma. Mwah.
Well, it's good to see you.
Well, got to pick up my old man. Bye.
So insincere.
I don't know how she puts up with him.
(angrily imitating Selma and Patty)
(radio stations tuning)
ANNOUNCER: And now, get set for our fabulous half time show
featuring the well-groomed young go-getters
of Hooray For Everything.
Oh, I love those kids.
They got such a great attitude.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Hooray For Everything invites you to join them
in a salute to the greatest hemisphere on Earth.
The Western Hemisphere.
The dancingest hemisphere of all.
♪ Do da do da do da da ♪
♪ Dancin', dancin', dancin' ♪
♪ Do da do da do da da... ♪
Now, before we sit down to our delicious turkey puree,
I have some happy news.
The following people have relatives who wish they could be here today:
Antonowski, Conroy, Falcone,
Martin, Thorson and Walsh.
(beeps)
Oh, and Mrs. Spencer.
You too.
Oh, I knew they wouldn't forget me.
Come on, Dad, let's get outta here.
Calm down, boy. What's your hurry?
-This place is depressing. -Hey, I live here!
Oh! Well, I'm sure it's a blast once you get used to it. Let's go.
Mom, you made it.
-How are you? -I have laryngitis.
It hurts to talk, so I'll just say one thing.
You never do anything right.
♪ Do da do da do da da ♪
♪ Dancin', dancin', dancin'! ♪
-MAN: Thank you! -WOMAN: You're super!
MAN: Be good to each other!
ANNOUNCER: In the Silver Dome, now ablaze with flashbulbs
as Hooray For Everything leaves the field.
Of course, a stadium's much too big
for flash pictures to work, but nobody seems to care.
That's no way to lay a fire. Where's your kindling?
This thing's going to be blowing any time now.
-Even a caveman could start a fire. -D'oh!
MARGE: Dinner! Dinnertime, everybody! Dinner!
The hell with this.
Okay, Lisa, we're ready for your centerpiece.
(gasps) Lisa, my goodness.
That's very impressive.
Holy moly!
That's the biggest... one of those I ever saw.
Hmm. I always said she was gifted.
Definitely from our side of the family, right, Mom?
Leave me alone.
How long did that take you, honey?
I couldn't tell you how many hours.
It was a labor of love.
It's my homage to some American heroes
who may not have fought in any wars but who nevertheless--
(singing fanfare )
Speaking of heroes, here's mine-- Tom Turkey.
-(chuckling) -(electric knife whirrs)
-Unh. Yikes, what is that? -It's the centerpiece, Bart.
Well, it's taking up valuable real estate.
-Hey, Bart, stop it! -Move it or lose it, Toots.
-Mom! -Now just a minute.
I'm sure there's room for both.
(straining)
Bart, you're wrecking it!
Let go! I worked forever on this!
Ooh.
(screaming)
-Hey, that got her going. -Bitchin'.
Bart!
You don't even care! You don't even care!
(crying)
-(door slams) -All right, Bart,
That's it! Go to your room! Now!
Okay. I'll take some white meat and stuffing to go.
And send up the pumpkin pie in about 20 minutes.
-I said, now! -Mom, do I have to?
Yes, you do.
I hope you're happy, Bart!
You've ruined Thanksgiving!
BART: I didn't ruin Thanksgiving, she did. (mutters)
I always get blamed for everything.
And Lord, we're especially thankful for nuclear power--
the cleanest, safest energy source there is
except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
Anyway, we'd like to thank you for the occasional moments
of peace and love our family's experienced.
Well, not today.
Well, you saw what happened. Oh, Lord, be honest.
Are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what?
ALL: Amen.
Worst prayer yet.
(saxophone playing)
D'oh!
Why don't I go talk to the children?
Don't worry. Marge'll fix everything.
(saxophone continues)
Honey, your food is getting cold.
(sniffling)
That's all right.
Lisa, I'm very sorry about what happened.
Mom, I poured my heart into that centerpiece.
Things like that always happen in this family.
I've noticed that too.
Well, when you feel like coming down,
-we'll be there. -(keys clacking)
(playing saxophone)
Bart, you can come down to dinner
as soon as you're ready to apologize to your sister,
and it's going to be a real apology in front of everybody,
and you have to mean it.
Apologize? For what?
Clearing the table? Having a sense of humor?
They think they can starve an apology out of me? Ha!
Uh-oh.
I mean... good!
(grunting)
HOMER: Hey, what are you doing?
No! Drop that drumstick.
-Bad dog. -(dog snarling)
Bad Santa's Little Helper.
Come on, give me that. Give-- Give me that. D'oh!
Okay, out you go!
-(whimpering) -Hey, boy, come here.
You're a good dog. Come on.
We don't need them to get a Thanksgiving dinner.
(barking)
(dog barks)
Wow! Swanky!
Mmm, delicious.
Smithers, every year you outstrip yourself
in succulence.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Oh! Would you like some candied yams?
Oh, no, I couldn't eat another bite.
Dispose of all this. I did however,
save room for your special pumpkin pie.
It's cooling on the windowsill, sir.
Mmm.
Stay here, boy.
(whimpering)
-(alarm beeping) -Uh-oh.
(alarm sounding)
-(camera whirring) -(alarm beeping)
Mr. Burns, this is base command.
The intruder appears to be a young male, age 9 to 11.
Release the hounds.
(barking, snarling)
(gasps)
Ahh!
(panicked grunting)
"I saw the best meals of my generation
"destroyed by the madness of my brother,
"my soul carved in slices
by spiky-haired demons."
(whimpering)
Don't worry, boy. We'll get some grub,
even if we have to pay for it.
-(stomach growling) -(dog growling)
(birds chirping)
-(machine gun fire) -(woman screaming)
Cool! The wrong side of the tracks!
-(gunshots) -(siren wailing)
(helicopter whirring overhead)
(police chatter on radio)
Twelve bucks? Hey, I can bleed.
WOMAN: Hey, you've got to be 18 to sell your blood.
Let's see some I.D.
BART: Here you go, dollface.
-WOMAN: Okay, Homer, just relax. -BART: Ow!
At the risk of losing my voice,
let me just say one more thing.
I'm sorry I came.
When is that boy going to apologize?
He sure is stubborn.
Homer was never stubborn.
He always folded instantly over anything.
It was as if he had no will of his own.
Isn't that true, Homer?
Yes, Dad.
Twelve bucks and a free cookie. What a country.
Cute little guy.
He's starting to come around.
You look a little pale, son.
We better get you some food.
Here we are.
(cheerful music playing)
All right!
Twelve big ones and free grub to boot.
Viva, skid row!
Hey! It's that anchor dude from Channel Six.
Oh, yeah. He's doing one of those
"Be thankful for what you got" stories.
ANCHOR: Oh, we have lots of names for these people--
bums, deadbeats, losers, scums of the Earth.
We'd like to sweep these people into the gutter,
or, if they're already in the gutter,
to some other out-of-the-way place.
Oh, we have our reasons.
They're depressing. They wear ragged clothes.
They're "crazy."
-They smell bad. -Hey, listen, man...
Wait. I'm going somewhere with this.
So, every year on one lone, conscience-salving day
we toss these people a bone-- a turkey bone--
and that's supposed to make it all better.
No, you won't find Freddy the Freeloader
or Emmett Kelly or even Charlie Chaplin's
beloved Little Tramp down here...
Pompous, blow-dried college boy.
You know, his girlfriend is the weather lady.
You don't say?
Everyone, Lisa wants to read us a poem she's written.
-Sounds interesting. -Okay.
"Howl of the Unappreciated"
by Lisa Simpson. Ahem.
I saw the best meal...
-(gasping) It's Bart! -What show is this?
KENT: And how long have you been on the streets?
-Going on five years, Kent. -Hmm.
KENT: Son, your family may be watching.
Is there anything you'd like to say to them?
Yes, there is, Kent.
Ha-ha! I didn't apologize!
Oh, no! My sweet, little Bart.
Hello, operator? Give me the number for 911.
Hey, thanks for your help, fellas.
This reporter smells another local Emmy.
Yeah, we're rooting for you, guy.
Hey, you got someplace to sleep tonight, Bart?
Yeah, there's this family I kinda hang out with.
-Sounds pretty sweet. -Yeah, I guess it is.
See you at Christmas.
Listen, guys, I was thinking, um,
unless you feel weird about taking money from a kid
I thought maybe...
I wouldn't feel weird, would you?
No, I'm comfortable with it.
Will you forget the report?
He's down at the rescue mission.
Nah, we checked. He's long gone.
Can you think of any reason he might have run away?
Anything at all?
Well, we did kind of yell at him
and sent him to his room
and tried to force him to apologize to his sister.
-Uh-huh. -MARGE: And...
I said he ruined Thanksgiving.
Oh, I see.
Best Thanksgiving ever, eh, boy?
Good-bye.
Sorry. I'm sure Bart will be back.
I would say something comforting,
but, you know, my voice.
Let's go! If I'm not back at the home by nine,
they declare me legally dead
and collect my insurance.
Homer, this is a terrible thing that's happened.
but we can't blame ourselves.
-We can and will. -Children need discipline.
You can ask any syndicated advice columnist.
Marge, are we ever gonna see him again?
Hmm, should I or shouldn't I?
Hey everybody, I'm home.
Bart, you're home! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Oh, my special little guy. Mwah!
We were so worried.
Oh, it's great to have you back, boy.
We were afraid we'd lost you.
Welcome back, Bart.
I'm sorry we had such a terrible fight.
Bart, isn't there something
you'd like to say to your sister?
Okay. I'm sorry too.
No, no, no, that won't do at all.
Yeah, boy. Get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness!
Yeah, beg me, Bart. Beg me!
Lisa, I beg of you, please, forgive me.
(evil laughter)
MARGE: Now we can blame him for everything!
-It's your fault I'm bald! -I'm sorry.
-It's your fault I'm old! -I'm sorry.
-It's your fault I can't talk! -I'm sorry.
It's your fault America has lost its way.
-I'm sorry. -It's all your fault!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, all right-- sorry I came back here.
Aha!
(grunting)
Whoa! My wiffle balls!
My frisbees! My water rockets!
(gasps) I've hit the jackpot!
A sell-out crowd at the Super Bowl,
Simpson down by six with two seconds left.
Simpson fades back. He's got Simpson in the open.
Touchdown Simpson! (mimics stadium cheers)
The boy nobody wanted just won the Super Bowl!
(imitating crowd cheering )
Dear log, my brother is still missing
and maybe it's my fault
because I failed to take his abuse
with good humor.
I miss him so much already that I don't know...
(Lisa sobbing)
(whispering) Hey, Lise. Lisa.
It's me, Bart.
(sniffles) Bart, where are you?
Shh. I'm on the roof.
(grunting)
Bart, what are you doing up here?
Everybody's worried.
-Really? Did they cry? -Yes.
Whoa, bull's-eye.
Bart, why did you burn my centerpiece?
Aw, come on.
Was it because you hate me
-or because you're bad? -I don't know.
I don't know why I did it.
I don't know why I enjoyed it.
And I don't know why I'll do it again.
-Just tell me you're sorry. -Why should I?
Bart, the only reason to apologize
is if you look deep down inside yourself
and you find a spot.
Something you wish wasn't there.
Because you feel bad you hurt your sister's feelings.
-Leave me alone. -Just look!
Okay, okay.
(muttering) Looking for the spot.
Still checking. This is so stupid.
I'm not going to find anything.
Just because I wrecked something she worked really hard on
and I made her cr--
Uh-oh.
I'm sorry, Lisa.
Apology accepted.
You know, Marge, we're great parents.
Oh Lord, on this blessed day, we thank thee
for giving our family one more crack at togetherness.
ALL: Amen.
(all munching, slurping)
(munching, slurping continue)
♪♪
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.