♪ The Simpsons ♪
(chalk screeches)
(bell rings)
(work whistle blows)
(sucking)
(register beeping)
(jazzy solo)
(tires screech)
-Aah! -(tires screech)
(humming)
Is it done yet? Is it done yet?
Your meat loaf will be ready in eight seconds, Homer.
D'oh! Isn't there anything faster than a microwave?
Four, three, two, one, bing!
We have meat loaf.
Get it while it's unbelievably hot, kids!
Yum. I've got a dried-out end piece
with your name on it, Lisa.
(sighing) Thursday. Meat loaf night.
As it was is now and ever shall be.
What are you getting at?
Well, you're always trying to teach me
to be open-minded. Try new things, live life to--
What are you talking about? Nobody's trying to teach you that.
-(sputtering) -Ha! Ha! Ha-ha-ha!
-Shut up, boy. -Well, maybe Lisa's right.
Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night?
Marge, we haven't missed pork chop night
since the great pig scare in '87.
(sighs) Friday night, pork chops.
From cradle to grave, etched in stone
in God's library somewhere up in heaven.
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Where do you want to go?
Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza or fried chicken.
Fine. We'll go to Mars.
There's that new sushi restaurant on Elm Street.
Sushi? Hey maybe this is just one of those things
you hear on the playground, but isn't that raw fish?
As usual, the playground has the facts right,
but missed the point entirely.
Sushi is considered quite a delicacy.
-Please, Homer. Can't we try it? -No!
Please Dad, this argument humiliates us both.
If I said no the first time,
what makes you think I'm gonna say yes the second time?
Nothing, but you may say yes the 99th time.
Oh? Try me.
-Please, Dad. -No.
-Please, Dad? Please, Dad? -No. No.
-Please, Dad. -Oh, okay, okay.
-BOTH: Ureshii mase! -(screaming)
Please, do not be alarmed.
Our chefs are just saying hello.
Oh, okay.
-(loudly) Hello! -(screaming)
This is our karaoke bar.
Now it is empty, but soon it will be hopping
with drunken Japanese businessmen.
I am Akira, your waiter.
May I take your order?
What would you recommend for a family
that's not sure they should be here?
The sushi surprise-- a little bit of everything.
It is very non-threatening.
I'll have one of those.
-Make it two. -Akira, my good man.
I'd like two sharks, an octopus
-and an eel. -Very good.
Do you have any giant squid? The kind that drags men
-to their deaths? -Not today. Sir?
It's so hard to choose.
It all looks so terrible.
Just bring me one of these, and one of these,
and one of those.
(grunting)
(disapproving grunts)
What do you think, master?
No, no, no. Toshiro, that squid looks like
it's been hacked by a blind woodsman.
Hang your head in shame.
(sighs)
Good thing I'm open-minded.
Not bad. Interesting.
Let's try this little pink one here.
Mmm, very good. And another one.
Oh, boy, this fish is delish.
(nervously) Hi, my name is Richie Sakai.
I'm an anesthesiologist,
and I'd like to dedicate this next song
to my wife, Patty.
♪ I was born in the wagon of a traveling show ♪
♪ Mama used to dance for the money they'd throw ♪
♪ Papa would do whatever he could ♪
Oh, ooh! And two of these things.
-Two uni? -And, ooh, ooh,
I don't believe I've tried the flying fish roll.
I recommend it with a roe quail egg on top.
You're the doctor.
♪♪ (Theme from "Shaft")
♪ Who's the black private dick ♪
♪ That's the sex machine to all the chicks? ♪
♪ Shaft ♪
♪ You're damn right ♪
♪ Who's the cat that won't cop out ♪
♪ When there's danger all about? ♪
♪ Shaft ♪
♪ Right on ♪
There's got to be something I haven't tried. Huh?
Hey, what's this? Fugu.
(gasps) It is blowfish, sir,
but I should warn you that one--
Come on, pal. Fugu me!
♪ They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother-- ♪
♪ Shut your mouth ♪
♪ But I'm talkin' about Shaft ♪
♪ Then I can dig it ♪
♪ He's a complicated man ♪
♪ But no one understands him but his woman ♪
♪ John Shaft ♪
-(horn honks) -Oh, she's here.
Cover for me.
-One fugu. -(gasping)
Not fugu. If it is cut improperly it's--
Yes, yes, it is poisonous, potentially fatal,
but, if sliced properly, it can be quite tasty.
I must get master.
Oh... oh... oh, Miss Krabappel.
Oh, your hair smells so... so clean.
Uh, master, you are needed in the kitchen.
I said cover for me, damn it!
But, master, we need your skilled hands.
My skilled hands are busy. You do it!
Hmm, hmm...
(sighs)
Poison, poison. Tasty fish.
Concentrate. Concentrate.
HOMER: I want fugu!
Mmm. Fan-fugu-tastic.
(whistling)
Oh, no!
(yelling in Japanese)
Beautiful language, isn't it, Marge?
For God's sake, don't eat another bite.
Oh, I couldn't possibly.
Mr. Simpsonsan, I shall be blunt.
We have reason to believe you have eaten...
-poison. -Poison! Wha!
What should I do? What should I do? Tell me quick.
Oh, no need to panic.
There's a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.
(siren wailing)
Try something new, Homer.
What will it hurt you, Homer?
I never heard of a poison pork chop.
Um, your wife agreed that I should break this to you.
No need, doc.
I can read Marge like a book.
(groans)
Whoo! It's good news, isn't it?
-No, Mr. Simpson. -Oh.
If in fact you've consumed the venom of the blowfish--
and from what the chef has told me, it's quite probable--
You have 24 hours to live.
-24 hours! -Well, 22.
I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long.
Oh, Marge
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.
(sobbing)
Well, if there's one consolation
it's that you'll feel no pain at all
until some time tomorrow evening
when your heart suddenly explodes.
Now a little death anxiety is normal.
You can expect to go through five stages.
The first is denial.
No way, because I'm not dying.
-Second is anger. -Why, you little--
(stammering)
Then after that comes fear.
What's after fear? What's after fear?
-Bargaining. -Doc, you gotta get me out of this.
I'll make it worth your while.
And finally, acceptance.
Well, we all got to go sometime.
Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me.
I should leave you two alone.
Perhaps this pamphlet will be helpful.
(Homer reading)
(sobbing)
Hello, Marge, hello.
I'm the one who's dying, not you.
(sniffles) Oh, I'm sorry, Homer.
Have you thought about what you want
to tell the kids?
Nothing. It'll just upset them.
I want my last hours of family life
to be happy ones.
Well, have you decided what you want to do tomorrow?
Almost.
(Marge muttering)
Oh, good. Aw!
I'm not done yet, Marge.
What's that word you use for when you and I--
-You know. -When we're intimate?
Be intimate with Marge.
Aw... Can I just make one suggestion?
Can we get up early and watch the sunrise together?
Ah... watch the sunrise.
Till 6:00 a.m., my dearest darling,
and my last day on Earth.
(alarm beeping)
(snoring)
11:30!
Oh, that's just great.
Marge, why did you let me sleep so late?
You looked so peaceful lying there.
There'll be plenty of time for that!
I got tons of important stuff to do.
Bart. Bart!
"Have man-to-man with Bart."
Come here, boy.
Oh, man.
No!
I just want to have a heart-to-heart talk.
-Oh. -You know, Bart,
after me, you're the man around the house.
And that means you're gonna have to help out--
Aw, come on, I do plenty around here.
Lisa never lifts a finger Why don't you go yell at her?
Shut up, Bart! This is good stuff.
I want to share something with you.
The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number one-- Cover for me.
Number two-- Oh, good idea, boss.
Number three--
It was like that when I got here.
-Hey, this is good stuff. -Told 'ya. Now c'mon.
You're going to learn how to shave.
And finally, the little spot under your nose.
Next, we take some toilet paper,
tear off some teensy little squares
and stick one there... and there...
and anyplace you're bleeding.
There and there. Don't worry.
The blood will hold it right on your face.
And now... some aftershave.
Oooh! Ahh! Eee! Ahhh!
Hnnn! Ooh, ahh!
Son of a-- oh!
-And that's how we shave. -Ooh--
-(glass breaks) -D'oh!
-Oh! -Why, you little--
It was like that when I got here.
Oh, that's my boy.
"Listen to Lisa play her sax."
♪♪ (saxophone)
Hi, Dad.
Want me to cut out this infernal racket?
Oh, let me hear you play.
-Why? -Does a father have to explain?
Let's just share your gift. Okay?
♪♪ (somber blues)
Oh!
(sobs)
-♪♪ ("When the Saints Go Marchin' In") -Huh?
Yeah, that's more like it.
Ho-ho! Whoo!
♪ Oh, I want to be in that number ♪
♪ When the saints go over there ♪
♪ Oh, over there! ♪
(Homer humming)
"Make videotape for Maggie."
(doorbell rings)
Simpson, what a pleasant surprise.
We were just pulling taffy.
Gee, the fun never stops at the Flanders house,
-does it? -No siree, Bob.
Hey, Flanders, could I borrow your camcorder?
Okie-dokle.
Hey, why don't you your family
come over for a barbecue tomorrow?
-No, thanks. -Oh, are you sure?
We got that new propane beauty just sittin' in the back yard.
-No, I don't-- -It's crying out
to cook up some good eatin'.
Flanders! I said I didn't--
Tomorrow?
Sure, what the hey.
I'd love to come to your barbecue.
Heh-heh-heh.
I'll even bring the thickest, juiciest T-bones
you've ever seen.
Mm-mm, sounds terrif.
(chuckling) The joke's on him.
I'll be dead by then.
(Homer muttering)
Is that it?
(clears throat)
This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie.
Hi, Maggie.
I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave.
Whoo-hoo!
(laughs)
Hope that didn't scare you.
Well, Maggie, you're grown up now,
and unless you taped over this, you're probably wondering
what kind of man your father was.
He was a simple man. A kind man.
A gentle man who loved his children and--
-(phone rings) -D'oh!
(angrily) Hello!
Yeah, he's here. Who is this?
Bart's friend, Milhouse?
Bart, get your butt down here!
(tires screech)
-Dad? -Huh?
Oh, it's you. What do you want?
Dad, we've never been too close, have we?
Not to my knowledge.
Never went fishing or played catch
or even hugged each other.
We never danced the hootchy-koo either.
What's your point?
(voice breaking) I just want you to know
that I love you, Dad.
-You do? -(sniffles) Uh-huh.
Oh, son, I love you too.
Hey, how about a hug?
-Dad. -Sonny-boy.
-Papa! -Junior!
My old man.
Well, I got to go.
Oh, son, no. We got a lot of catching up to do.
Whaddaya say we go fishing?
Gee, Dad, if I wasn't on such a tight schedule...
-(sniffles) -Well, I--
Oh, let's get some worms.
Ooh! Oh!
Hey!
Well, no time for that.
-(grunts) -(chuckles)
Aw, I really wanted to do that one.
-(grunting) -I got you!
Aargh!
Gee, Dad, way to hog my last moments.
Just a quick game of hacky-sack.
I love you, son.
Yeah, yeah. Gee, the old guy's a little love-starved.
Get moving, you hunk of junk. I gotta make up for lost time.
-(siren wailing) -D'oh!
(police radio chatter)
I'm sorry, officer. I know I was going too fast.
-Just give me a ticket. -I beg your pardon?
Just give me a ticket!
Whoa. That sounded like an order.
I pay my taxes, and they pay your salary.
So when I say give me a ticket, just give me a ticket.
Uh-huh. Maybe we don't want to give you a ticket.
Maybe we wanna haul your butt in, wise guy.
(grunting)
OFFICER: Look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh?
-(door slams) -(officers laughing)
(whimpers)
♪♪ (harmonica)
That's sort of nice. What are you in for?
Atmosphere.
Okay, flash, you get one phone call.
Wait. I can't call Marge.
It's our last day on Earth together.
I can't drag her into this mess.
I know-- I'll call Barney.
(ringing)
♪ Nobody's here, nobody's here, nobody's here ♪
Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes!
HOMER: Thanks a lot, Barney!
I just wasted my one phone call on your--
Wait! I'm home, I'm home. Oh. Hi, Homer.
You gotta help me Barney, I'm in jail.
You are? Hey, Homer, go to the window.
Hi, neighbor.
I can see you!
Aah! Just get over here and bring 50 bucks for bail.
50 bucks?!
What did you do, kill a judge?
Where am I gonna get 50 bucks?
Hey. Pizza!
Why are we all dressed up?
Because sometimes it's fun to dress up for dinner.
Why are we using the good china?
Because sometimes it's fun to use the good china.
What's with the candles?
Sometimes it's fun to use candles.
Why are we waiting for Dad?
Because we love your father and enjoy his company.
Why are we really waiting for Dad?
Ha! $48.70.
You know, we don't usually take rusty money.
You're dying, and you weren't even going to stop at Moe's
for a last beer with your buddies?
(sobbing)
Hey Barney, look, it was on my list
along with a lot of other things I didn't get to do today.
Hey, my boss!
Smithers, check out the luscious pair on that redhead.
That's it, baby.
Work those ankles.
Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.
Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!
Who the Sam Hill was that?
Why it's... Homer Simpson, sir.
One of the schmoes from Sector Seven-G.
Simpson, eh?
I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning.
We'll see who eats whose shorts.
HOMER: Wow, of all the luck.
To think I almost died
without telling the boss to eat my shorts.
Oh, Homer, come on.
You got time for one last beer.
Please!
I got to call Marge.
Ha! (makes whipping sound)
-(ringing) -Hello, Moe's Tavern.
Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
Is Seymour there? Last name Butts.
Just a sec.
Hey, is there a Butts here?
Seymour Butts?
Hey, everybody, I want a Seymour Butts!
(laughing)
Oh, wait a minute.
Listen, you little scum-sucking, pus bucket.
When I get my hands on you
I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew.
Oh, it was busy.
Moe, another last beer, please.
(sniffles) Guys, keep it down.
I got some last words.
I never told you this before, but sometimes when I'm at work
I think of you and smile.
So often I think that--
Oh, words won't do it. I love you, Moe.
Please, not in public.
You better be dying.
I love you, Barney.
Whoa! How European.
-(belches) -(screams)
C'mon, Barney. I got to get home.
Faster, Barney, faster.
I'm twirling as fast as I can.
Oh, I can't wait any longer.
Hold on, Marge.
I'm coming home, baby!
(panting)
Come on, come on.
Oh, where can he be?
Marge! Marge!
Homer!
There's no time to explain.
Love you, love you, love you.
(gargling)
I wrote a poem for you this afternoon, Homer.
It's called "To a Husband."
Okay, okay.
(clears throat)
"The blackened clouds are forming..."
Oh, give me a break, Marge.
"Soon the rain will fall.
"My dear one is departing
"But first, please heed this call
"That always will I love you
My one, my love, my all."
That was beautiful.
(kissing)
(sighs)
Good-bye, Maggie.
Stay as sweet as you are.
Good-bye, Lisa.
I know you'll make me proud.
Good-bye, Bart.
I like your sheets.
The good book.
On tape?
Ooh, it's read by Larry King.
Hi, I'm Larry King.
In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth
and the Earth was without form...
Alzeah begat Phineas, Phineas begat Abushua, and...
(tape fast-forwarding)
...begat Ahamas, Ahamas begat...
(tape fast-forwarding)
...onward, Amariah begat Aerito, Aerito begat...
(tape fast-forwarding)
...Shalam begat Hilchia...
...and he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children
and the heart of the children to their fathers
lest I come and smite the Earth with a curse.
Well, that's it.
My old friend Duke Seaver's standing by.
We'll get some coffee.
We'll get some matzo ball soup.
I love the San Antonio Spurs, by the way,
If you're betting in the N.B.A. this year,
I think they're gonna win it all.
So I guess there's nothing more to say but...
(tape stops abruptly)
Homer?
(gasps)
Homer?
(gasps)
Oh, Homer...
Homer...
Hmm...
His drool-- it's warm.
He's alive!
Homer! Homer, wake up! You're alive!
-Marge, stop it. Cut it out. -Wake up, you're alive!
You're alive! You're alive!
What are you talking about?
-You're alive! -I'm alive!
I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier!
(laughing)
From this day forward,
I vow to live life to its fullest.
(crunching)
COMMENTATOR 1(on TV): Strike! That's three in a row.
COMMENTATOR 2: That's right. Let's see that one again.
Yeah, here we go. Here he comes.
Note the excellent wrist action.
It's just about to go into the gutter
and then a nice spin.
-Ouch! A split. -My, my.
Well, if he makes this, he'll be down by 40 pins.
This match, though, is far from over, as you know.
COMMENTATOR 1: Yeah, it is far from over
but his approach has been wrong from the beginning
as far as I'm concerned.
COMMENTATOR 2: Well, he's an erratic bowler, Jim.
He tends to explode
in the seven, eight, nine frames...
(pins falling, people cheering)
...Moline, Illinois.
Actually, that was Pontiac, Michigan.
38 pins going into the eighth.
COMMENTATOR 1: Yeah, that's right.
Well, uh, he's stepping up now.
In fact, he needs to get at least a spare.
Shh!
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.