1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,464 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,925 (chalk screeches) 3 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,468 (bell rings) 4 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:14,597 (work whistle blows) 5 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,019 (sucking) 6 00:00:19,102 --> 00:00:20,061 (register beeping) 7 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:32,699 (jazzy solo) 8 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:33,742 (tires screech) 9 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,414 -Aah! -(tires screech) 10 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,056 {\an8}HOMER: Do you two have to sit so close to the TV? 11 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,016 {\an8}Back up or it will hurt your eyes. 12 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,769 {\an8}-Oh, it will not. -Oh, yes, it will. 13 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,857 Our next movie is McBain. Another 'shoot-em-up, 14 00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:08,151 push them through the plate-glass-window' splatterfest 15 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,944 from the Hollywood cookie cutter. 16 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,280 Here's a typically brainless scene. 17 00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:15,867 {\an8}Senator Mendoza is one of the most respected citizens in this state, McBain, 18 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:17,911 {\an8}and yet you ran his limo off a cliff, 19 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,162 {\an8}broke the necks of three of his bodyguards, 20 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,623 {\an8}and drove a bus through his front door? 21 00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,291 But, Captain, I have proof 22 00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:25,293 that he's head of an international drug cartel. 23 00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:27,128 I don't want to hear it, McBain! 24 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,880 You're outta here! 25 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:31,758 (screaming) 26 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,512 That makes two of us. 27 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:36,805 {\an8}-All right, McBain! -(laughing) 28 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,515 {\an8}-Cool. -"That makes two of us." 29 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,391 {\an8}(grumbling) 30 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:43,311 You know, I can't believe we're talking about the same movie. 31 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:44,312 -Oh, no. -I thought McBain 32 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,481 was a non-stop roller coaster 33 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:49,651 of chills, thrills, spills and kills. 34 00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:52,153 And that chase at the end, my friend? Mwah! 35 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,530 Are you nuts? That movie stinks 36 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,240 like your creepy one-bedroom apartment. 37 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,783 Your mother didn't think it was so creepy. 38 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,034 My mother! Real mature. 39 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,202 I'm sick of your grade-school insults. 40 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:01,204 HOMER: I love watching the bald guy argue 41 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:02,831 with the fat tub of lard. Ooh! 42 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,125 Hey! What gives? 43 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:06,167 Dad, do something! 44 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:08,294 All right, all right. 45 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,046 Time for Doctor TV 46 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,464 to perform a little surgery. 47 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,799 -(banging) -Umph! 48 00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:15,760 {\an8}Looks like you lost a patient, doc. 49 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,178 Shut up, boy. 50 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:20,140 Cheap Chinese TV. Why did I ever buy it? 51 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,808 -Is that better? -BOTH: No! 52 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,060 Stupid-- How's this? 53 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,478 (screaming) 54 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:26,688 Oh, no. Okay. 55 00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:28,731 Just everybody remain calm. 56 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,359 (grunting) 57 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,486 (screaming) 58 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,280 Hey everybody. If you look real close, 59 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,322 you can kind of make them out. 60 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,408 Hey, yeah. Yeah, I think I can. 61 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:39,993 I think this is sick. 62 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:42,871 -You're staring at a dot. -She's right! She's right! 63 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:46,124 (sobbing) Oh, how I miss TV! 64 00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,751 Dear God, just give me one channel! 65 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:50,962 Homer, it's not the end of the world. 66 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:52,213 You know, before we got married 67 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,299 we hardly ever watched television. 68 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,383 -You lie. -Bart! 69 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:56,759 No, it's true, Bart. 70 00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:00,138 We used to shoot pool and go dancing. 71 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,556 How romantic. 72 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,391 And a lot of times we'd stay at home 73 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,976 and talk just like this. 74 00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,394 I'm living it, but I ain't loving it. 75 00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:08,771 It's so hard to picture you two then. 76 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,274 Hand in hand at the crossroads of life. 77 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,109 There's so many questions. 78 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,862 -Pick one. -Okay. Uh... 79 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,822 How did Dad propose to you? 80 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,866 Oh, well... 81 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,328 Well, uh, Miss Bouvier, 82 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,330 I think we've found the reason 83 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,665 why you've been throwing up in the morning. 84 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,083 Congratulations. 85 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:32,128 -D'oh! -Oh... 86 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,755 Lisa, I'd rather tell you 87 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,506 a different story-- 88 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,592 How your father and I first met 89 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,886 and fell in love. 90 00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,846 {\an8}We were seniors in high school 91 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:45,225 but we had never even met. 92 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,354 ♪ Why do birds suddenly appear ♪ 93 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,397 Ugh. Gross. 94 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,399 Ah. 95 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:57,237 (singing along with radio) ♪ Some people call me the space cowboy ♪ 96 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,738 ♪ Yeah ♪ 97 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:02,367 ♪ Some call me the gangster of love ♪ 98 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,288 ♪ Some people call me Maurice ♪ 99 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,040 ♪ Whoo! Whoo! ♪ 100 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:13,294 ♪ Cause I speak of the pompitous of love ♪ 101 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,715 Hey, Homer, you're late for English. 102 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,217 HOMER: Pfft. English. Who needs that? 103 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,802 I'm never going to England. 104 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,470 Come on. Let's go smoke. 105 00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,430 MARGE: I'm for equal rights, 106 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,015 but do we really need a whole amendment? 107 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,559 Come on, Marge. Don't you think you deserve 108 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:31,271 to earn just as much as a man who does the same job? 109 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:34,732 Well, not if I have to do heavy lifting or math. 110 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,902 Oh, Marge. You really ought to read this. 111 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:39,070 (sniffing) 112 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,990 Oh, the shop kids are smoking again. 113 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,199 (inhaling) 114 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,742 (coughing) 115 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,744 (bell ringing) 116 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,830 Oh, no. We're late for wood shop. 117 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:52,166 But we're early for lunch. Let's go grab a burger. 118 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,585 Boy, you never stop eatin' and you don't gain a pound. 119 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:56,087 It's my metabomalism. 120 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,423 I guess I'm just one of the lucky ones. 121 00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,966 Well, well, well. 122 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:01,718 If it isn't Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble, 123 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,803 Springfield's answer to Cheech and Chong. 124 00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,346 Allow me, gentlemen. 125 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,140 You just bought yourselves three days of detention-- 126 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,308 you know where and when. 127 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:11,102 BOTH: 3:00, Old Building, Room 106. 128 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,770 MARGE: And in another article, 129 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,106 I found out that to hire professionals 130 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,233 to do all the jobs of a housewife, 131 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,445 who, incidentally, is not married to a house, 132 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:24,157 would cost $48,000 a year. 133 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,242 Right on, sister! 134 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,703 The first step to liberation is to free ourselves 135 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:31,039 from these male-imposed shackles. 136 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,123 (cheering) 137 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,879 I didn't think it would burn so fast. 138 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,630 I guess it's the tissue paper inside. 139 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:42,759 Miss Bouvier, I am surprised. 140 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,428 You just bought yourself one day of detention. 141 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,554 You know where and when. 142 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,097 Well, no, I don't. 143 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,809 -Actually I've never-- -3:00, Old Building, Room 106. 144 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,729 (whistling) 145 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:55,813 Hey, Estelle? 146 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,524 Will you go to the prom with me? 147 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:00,276 I wouldn't go to the prom with you 148 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,153 if you were Elliott Gould. 149 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,780 Oh, shot down again. 150 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,324 Hey, don't worry, Barney. It's a big school. 151 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,368 There's got to be a girl 152 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:09,744 nobody else wants to take to the prom. 153 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,038 Excuse me, is this room 106? 154 00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:14,082 Hey, who's that? 155 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,501 I-- I don't know. 156 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:22,131 ♪ Why do birds suddenly appear ♪ 157 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:27,845 ♪ Every time you are near? ♪ 158 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,974 ♪ Just like me, they long to be... ♪ 159 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,851 Oh. 160 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,436 Hey. Would you like to go-- 161 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,438 She's mine. 162 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,608 ♪ Close to you ♪ 163 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,990 So, uh, what are you in for? 164 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,325 I'm a political prisoner. 165 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,993 Last time I ever take a stand. 166 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,996 Well, I'm here for being me. 167 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,206 Every day I show up, act like me, 168 00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:56,249 and they slap me in here. 169 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,251 Simpson, be quiet. 170 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:01,087 I haven't seen you in school before. 171 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,505 -Okay, Simpson. -What? 172 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,590 You just bought yourself another day of detention. 173 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,176 -Maybe we should get together sometime-- -Two days. 174 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,553 I'm sorry. I don't even know your name. 175 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:09,720 -I'm Homer-- J -Three days. Four days. 176 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:10,888 -Simpson. -Five days. 177 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:12,473 -It was worth it. -Six days! 178 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:16,436 Okay, Simpson, to the back of the room. 179 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,104 So, it was love at first sight. 180 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,730 It was a jailhouse romance, man. 181 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,567 I reached step one-- she knew I existed. 182 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:25,027 The only problem was she didn't care. 183 00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,197 -What's the matter, boy? -HOMER: Nothing. 184 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,866 You haven't said 'boo' all night, 185 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:30,908 and usually I have to wrestle the bucket 186 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,118 out of your greasy mitts. 187 00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:33,953 Dad, I'm in love. 188 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,747 Uh-oh. Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy. 189 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,082 But Dad, I don't drink-- 190 00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,375 Cut the crap. 191 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:43,171 "I just collect the cans, Daddy." 192 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,882 Now grab yourself a beer and get me one too. 193 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:49,677 Now. This girlfriend of yours, is she a real looker? 194 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,095 -Uh-huh. -A lot on the ball? 195 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:55,266 -Oh, yeah. -Oh, son, don't overreach. 196 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:59,103 Go for the dented car, the dead-end job, 197 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:01,105 the less attractive girl. 198 00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,357 Oh, well, I blame myself. 199 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,526 I should have had this talk a long time ago. 200 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,819 Thanks, Pop. 201 00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:12,658 A-b-c-d-e-f-g-h-i- j-k-l-m-n-o-p-s. 202 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,243 Hi, I'm Homer Simpson. 203 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,411 I need some guidance, counselor. 204 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,954 Okey-dokey. 205 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,540 (sighs) Good Lord. 206 00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:21,501 Simpson, you should have come to see me a long time ago. 207 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,836 Yeah, maybe, but I just met this girl Marge Bouvier 208 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,630 and I want to force her to like me. 209 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:28,466 Well, that's not exactly the type of guidance I give. 210 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,800 -Oh... -Well, I like to think 211 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,093 I do something helpful 212 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,012 for every student "N" through "Z." 213 00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:35,431 Uh, the only advice I can give you is... 214 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,684 try to share common interests and spend, spend, spend. 215 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:41,395 Well, what interests does she have that I could make common? 216 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,523 Oh, I believe she's very active on the Forensics Team. 217 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,316 They meet in the new building. Room 219. 218 00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:46,776 Far out! 219 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:50,071 Homer, do you have any plans for after graduation? 220 00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:54,283 Me? I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stay out all night. 221 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,452 Oh, no, I meant career wise. 222 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,080 You know, that nuclear power plant will be opening soon. 223 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,414 It's one of the few outfits around 224 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,251 that won't require a college education. 225 00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:06,629 Me? In a nuclear power plant. 226 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,964 (laughs) 227 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,424 Kaboom! 228 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:11,926 But bringing up a son-- 229 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,011 even a blind one-- 230 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,721 isn't a lifetime occupation. 231 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,765 Now the more you help him, 232 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:21,269 -the more you hurt him. -(applause) 233 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:22,645 Woe unto Shelbyville 234 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:23,813 should they underestimate our strength 235 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,939 in dramatic interpretation. 236 00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:26,691 Thank you, Artie. 237 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:28,067 (clears throat) My name's Homer Simpson. 238 00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,527 I'd like to sign up for something. 239 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,404 Well, we have an opening on the Debate team. 240 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,072 -Debate? Like arguing? -Yes. 241 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,449 I'll take that, you stinkpot! 242 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,493 Just warming up, Mrs. Bloomenstein. 243 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,120 This year's topic is 244 00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:41,247 Resolved: The national speed limit 245 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,374 should be lowered to 55 miles per hour. 246 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,585 55? That's ridiculous. 247 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:48,129 Sure, that'll save a few lives, 248 00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:50,840 but millions will be late. 249 00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,800 Why don't you take 'con'. 250 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:56,721 ♪♪ ("Pick Up The Pieces") 251 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:03,436 No way. 252 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,812 ARTIE: Our current speed limit 253 00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:07,231 -is an anachronism. -Ignoramus. 254 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,983 -Will you shut up. -Wait a minute. 255 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,484 That word you keep calling me-- 256 00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,194 -Ignoramus. -Ignoramus? 257 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:13,946 It means I'm stupid, doesn't it? 258 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,073 There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity. 259 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,158 Not to me there isn't, you-- 260 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,618 -Homer. -Ignoramus. 261 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,244 -You're the ignoramus. -No, you are. 262 00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,912 Homer, would you like to present your rebuttal? 263 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,581 With pleasure. 264 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:25,249 -(zipper unzipping) -(gasping) 265 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,251 -Ay, caramba! -(groaning) 266 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,256 Hello. 267 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,758 Hello. 268 00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,177 Oh, you may not remember me. I'm Homer Simpson. 269 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,971 -I mooned for rebuttal. -Yes, I remember. 270 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,390 So, uh... you want to go out with me? 271 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,517 Well, I, uh-- 272 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,144 I don't think you're my type. 273 00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:46,604 Well, uh, you see-- 274 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,981 you see the problem is you don't know me. 275 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,316 I have references. 276 00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:52,485 Just ask... Coach Flanagan, 277 00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:56,489 and ask Mr. Sakofsky and Barney Gumble. 278 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,449 I don't know. 279 00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:00,201 Look, I'm not asking you to like me. 280 00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:01,994 I'm not asking you to put yourself in the position 281 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,329 where I can touch your goodies. 282 00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:04,955 I'm just asking you to be fair. 283 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:07,041 Homer Simpson? Oh, yeah. 284 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,668 Junior varsity shot-putter. Mm-hmm. 285 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,503 I think if he applies himself, 286 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:13,005 you know, trains real hard, hits the weights some more, 287 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,965 he could go another foot. 288 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,302 I had him for four years. Solid "C" student. 289 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:20,388 Made a lamp last year. 290 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:24,266 He's all things to all men and maybe to one lucky gal. 291 00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,394 Want to go to the prom with me? 292 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,062 Good God, no! 293 00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:29,522 Well put. 294 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,273 Well, what's the good word? 295 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,734 -I'm sorry. -What? 296 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,736 Well, you seem like a nice enough guy, 297 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:36,904 but I don't really don't have the time. 298 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,489 Wha-- 299 00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:40,908 And the City Forensics Championship is coming up. 300 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:43,744 -Yeah, so? -Oh, and I tutor part time. 301 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,287 -You tutor? -Yes. 302 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,372 And anyone can be tutored? 303 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,082 Just those who need help with French. 304 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:49,625 -French. -Mm-hmm. 305 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,877 What a coincidence. 306 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:55,047 Just the subject I'm having trouble with. 307 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:58,050 -(chuckling) -Why, you cagey old dog. 308 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,511 Great story. Positively spellbinding. 309 00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:03,431 -Work, damn you! Work! -Bart! Pay attention. 310 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,599 You may be telling this to your own son one day 311 00:12:05,683 --> 00:12:06,684 if something breaks. 312 00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:09,228 (humming) 313 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:11,522 Ooh, lost a few. 314 00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,023 Oh-- (chuckles) 315 00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:14,442 Well, there's plenty more where that came from. 316 00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,569 Uh-oh, a zit. 317 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,362 No problemo. 318 00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:20,489 (humming) 319 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,783 The perfect crime. 320 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:28,247 ♪ Don't be a baby, lady ♪ 321 00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,585 ♪ Just be a lady, baby ♪ 322 00:12:34,211 --> 00:12:35,671 ♪ All I ask is one thing baby ♪ 323 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,548 -(doorbell rings) -Hello. 324 00:12:37,631 --> 00:12:40,009 Why is there make-out music on? 325 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,469 It helps me study. 326 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,053 Well, not me. Shut it off 327 00:12:43,137 --> 00:12:45,556 and let's get down to business. 328 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:47,516 -(needle scratches) -(music stops) 329 00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:49,602 (beep) 330 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,689 -Crayon. -Bien. 331 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,609 Uh... Fen... etre. 332 00:12:56,692 --> 00:12:57,610 Bien. 333 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:01,280 -Femme. -Tres bien. 334 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:02,990 Well, I should probably be going. 335 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,451 I have a big forensics meet tomorrow. 336 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,827 Wait, wait, wait. 337 00:13:06,911 --> 00:13:09,580 Don't go, don't go. Wait. Wait. 338 00:13:09,663 --> 00:13:11,874 Why don't we take a little study break? 339 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,667 BOTH: ♪ Do the hustle ♪ 340 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,503 MR. SIMPSON: Keep it down! 341 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,837 MARGE: Homer, you're amazing. 342 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,464 Before, you couldn't say "bonjour," 343 00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:19,924 but now you can conjugate 344 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,718 all the regular verbs, two irregular verbs, 345 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,970 and sing the first verse of "Alouette." 346 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,847 ♪ Alouette, gentil alouette ♪ 347 00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:28,432 ♪ Alouette, je te plumerai ♪ 348 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:29,558 Bien. 349 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,685 I can't believe it. It's sticking. 350 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,729 You're telling me new stuff, 351 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,648 and minutes later, it's still there. 352 00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:37,399 And it's all thanks to you. 353 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,820 Marge, when I see you forming the vowels and continents-- 354 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,321 -Consonants. -Consonants 355 00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,740 with your beautiful mouth and your beautiful breath 356 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,493 pushing them past your beautiful teeth-- 357 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,995 Merci, I guess. 358 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,664 Marge... 359 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:53,791 would you go to the prom with me? 360 00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,584 You know, Homer, 361 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,878 you're like no one I've ever met before. 362 00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,256 You're dear, honest and open 363 00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:02,925 without a trace of pretension. 364 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,260 I'll take that as a compliment. 365 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,553 So will you go out with me? 366 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,763 Please say oui. 367 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,348 -Oui. -Woo-hoo! 368 00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,517 Marge, this will be the greatest night of your life. 369 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,435 I've been saving up for a new engine for my car 370 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,062 but I'm gonna spend it all on us. 371 00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:16,564 I'm renting the biggest limo. 372 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,440 I'm gonna buy you the biggest corsage. 373 00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,735 My tux is gonna have the widest lapels, the most ruffles, 374 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,572 and the highest platform shoes you ever saw. 375 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,658 Maybe I'll wear my hair... up. 376 00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:30,035 Wait, wait, wait, Marge. 377 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:33,080 If honest and open is what you like, 378 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:34,582 get a load of this. 379 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,917 I'm not really in any French class. 380 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,753 This was just a brilliant scheme to get to know you better. 381 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:40,796 -Hmm! -(smack) 382 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,381 Ow. 383 00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:45,217 You knew the city Forensics finals are tomorrow, 384 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,844 and you kept me here until 1:00 a.m. 385 00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,847 pretending to be stupid! 386 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,391 Homer J. Simpson, I hate you! 387 00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:58,856 Hey, Barney. 388 00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,859 Guess who's got a date for the prom! 389 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,616 Everything I know tells me this story doesn't end 390 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,451 with us sitting here and you telling it to us. 391 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:11,994 Get off the edge of your seat. 392 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,204 They got married, had kids and bought a cheap TV, okay? 393 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:17,541 MARGE: Bringing up a son, even a blind one, 394 00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,169 isn't a lifetime occupation. 395 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:23,255 Now the more you... help him-- 396 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,841 -Terrible. -MARGE: The more you hurt him. 397 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:26,884 (groans) 398 00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,220 Congratulations, Artie. 399 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:33,432 Marge, this may not be the most appropriate forum 400 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,267 for what I'm about to put forth, 401 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:37,686 but-- (clears throat) 402 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,104 would you go to the prom with me? 403 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,689 Well-- 404 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,359 I can think of a dozen highly cogent arguments. 405 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,402 Well, the first is from "Time Magazine," 406 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,154 Dated January 8th, 1974. 407 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,740 "America's love affair with the prom. 408 00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,700 "Even wallflowers can look forward 409 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,827 -to one date a year--" -No, Artie, Artie. 410 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:55,537 The best argument is that 411 00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,748 I've known and respected you for eight years, 412 00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:00,042 and I would be delighted to go to the prom with you. 413 00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,714 If you pinch your cheeks, they'll glow. 414 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,216 A little more. 415 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,759 Try to break some capillaries, dear. 416 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:10,636 Couldn't we just use rouge for this? 417 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:14,431 Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge. 418 00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,310 Is Marge here? 419 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,562 -Who... -Or what are you? 420 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,939 -I'm her date. -Mm-hm. 421 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,899 I suppose you want to come in and sit down? 422 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,317 -Okay. -Marge's dates 423 00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,152 -get homelier all the time. -Mm-hm. 424 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,988 That's what you get when you don't put out. 425 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:34,910 You know, I usually insist on approving Marge's dates, 426 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,871 but from what she's told me, I'm sure you're a solid citizen. 427 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,874 -Thanks, Mr. B. -(grunting) 428 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,042 MRS. BOUVIER: Here she comes. 429 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,085 Get the camera ready. 430 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:47,548 Homer! 431 00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:49,842 (camera shutter clicks) 432 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,888 What are you doing here? 433 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,557 You said you'd go to the prom with me. 434 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,892 Well, I also said I hated you, 435 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,811 and we haven't even talked since then. 436 00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,896 -I was afraid you'd cancel our date-- -(doorbell rings) 437 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,648 So I stayed away from you completely, 438 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,650 even though it meant skipping school for three weeks 439 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,987 and graduating this summer... I hope. 440 00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:13,657 I'm Artie Ziff, Marge's date for the prom. 441 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,367 Well, hello. 442 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,453 Well, hello, hello. 443 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,955 -Don't we look handsome? -Yes, indeed, we do. 444 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,832 Well, come in, young man. 445 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,250 Wait a second. 446 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:26,086 If he's your date, who are you? 447 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:29,506 I'm... a spare. Excuse me. 448 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,844 Now that that unpleasantness is behind us forever, 449 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:36,138 let's take a picture of the happy couple. 450 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,181 Say "Cheese Whiz." 451 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:40,184 Hey, buddy, where's your date? 452 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,437 -She's with him. -DRIVER: Ouch. 453 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,189 So I guess you want me to take you home, huh? 454 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,982 Hey! I paid for this car, 455 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,902 I paid for this tuxedo and I paid for the two dinners. 456 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:52,863 -We're going to the prom. -Prom it is. 457 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:57,868 ♪ Good-bye, yellow brick road ♪ 458 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,871 ♪ Where the dogs of society howl ♪ 459 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,082 Don't dance too closely now. 460 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,166 Have a good time. 461 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,667 Wait a second. 462 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,003 Is that a bong? You have asthma? 463 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,755 All right, move along. 464 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,799 Homer Simpson. Heh. 465 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:12,883 I thought you dropped out. 466 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:14,802 You wish, Donderlinger. 467 00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:16,303 That's Mr. Donderlinger. 468 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:19,306 ♪♪ 469 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,478 (camera shutter clicks) 470 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,108 Steak or chicken? 471 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,567 One of each, please. 472 00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,236 -BARNEY: Coming through! -Barney! 473 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,988 ♪ Oh, yes, they call him the streak ♪ 474 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,740 (whistling) 475 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:39,535 That young man's bought himself about a decade of detention. 476 00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,995 Children, we have tabulated your votes. 477 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:43,705 The king and queen 478 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,042 of Springfield High School's class of 1974 are... 479 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,252 (drum roll) 480 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:52,089 Artie Ziff and Marge Bouvier. 481 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,757 Oh, isn't it great? 482 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:56,260 Hail Queen Marge! Whoo! 483 00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:59,638 Whoo! Long live the queen! 484 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,056 Fellow classmates, 485 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,809 instead of voting for some athletic hero 486 00:19:03,892 --> 00:19:05,394 or a pretty boy, 487 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:08,021 you have elected me, your intellectual superior, 488 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:10,607 as your king. Good for you. 489 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,025 Very well said. 490 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,819 Now your king and queen 491 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:16,947 will share their first royal dance. 492 00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,949 ARTIE: (mumbling) ♪ Why do birds ♪ 493 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:22,119 ♪ Suddenly appear ♪ 494 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,037 ♪ Every time ♪ 495 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,831 ♪ You're near? ♪ 496 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,666 I got to get out of here. 497 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,460 -(sobbing) -(door opens, closes) 498 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,881 Homer? 499 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,048 What? 500 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:38,051 Why are you doing this? 501 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:41,513 Why can't you accept that I'm here with someone else? 502 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,892 Because I'm sure we were meant to be together. 503 00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:46,518 Usually when I have a thought, 504 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,729 there's a lot of other thoughts in there. 505 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:51,440 Something says yes, something says no, 506 00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:53,734 but this time, there's only yes. 507 00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:56,945 How could the only thing I've ever been sure about in my life be wrong? 508 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,659 Hmm... I don't know, but it is. 509 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,287 Well, where to now, Romeo? 510 00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:06,538 Inspiration Point. 511 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,498 Okay, but I'm only paid to drive. 512 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,335 (moaning and giggling) 513 00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:13,545 MARGE: Gee, Artie... Artie, wait. 514 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:16,298 I don't know. I mean, it was a beautiful evening. 515 00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:18,634 -Let's not ruin it. -ARTIE: Just kiss. 516 00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,010 MARGE: Oh, Artie, please... 517 00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:21,803 -ARTIE: Come on, kiss me. -MARGE: Oh, Artie. 518 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,639 -Please? -No, really, I mean it! 519 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,682 Now stop it! (gasps) 520 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,935 (panting) I'm sorry, Marge. 521 00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,394 Take me home, Artie. 522 00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:32,397 Well, it's 1:00. If you want to keep me 523 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:35,317 I'm afraid it's gonna be $45 an hour. 524 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,195 Nah, that's okay. I'm broke. 525 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,529 I'll walk home. 526 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,157 Yeah, why spoil a perfect evening? 527 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,160 ♪♪ 528 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,670 Marge, I would appreciate it 529 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,589 if you didn't tell anybody about my busy hands. 530 00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:01,176 Not so much for myself, but I am so respected, 531 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,096 it would damage the town to hear it. 532 00:21:04,179 --> 00:21:07,224 -Good night. -Yeah, right. 533 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,226 MR. BOUVIER: You know, when that Simpson boy showed up, 534 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,061 it took years off my life. 535 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:14,064 MRS. BOUVIER: Will you stop it? She went out with the good one. 536 00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,028 -(horn honking) -Shut up! 537 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:22,656 -(horn honking) -I'm over as far as I can go. 538 00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:25,409 -(horn honking) -All right! All right! 539 00:21:25,492 --> 00:21:28,287 I'll walk in the mud! 540 00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:30,914 -Homer? -Marge? 541 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,667 -Yeah. You want a ride? -Sure. 542 00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,629 You know, Homer, when I got home, 543 00:21:37,713 --> 00:21:40,173 I realized who I should have gone to the prom with. 544 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:42,259 Who? Oh... 545 00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:43,677 Hi, prom date. 546 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,014 Marge, pour vous. 547 00:21:47,097 --> 00:21:49,266 Mmm. 548 00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:50,726 Why so glum? 549 00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:54,062 (sighs) I got a problem. 550 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:55,647 Once you stop this car, 551 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:58,442 I'm going to hug you and kiss you, 552 00:21:58,525 --> 00:22:01,153 and then I'll never be able to let you go. 553 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:03,697 And I never have. 554 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,784 (gagging) 555 00:22:12,622 --> 00:22:17,127 {\an8}HOMER: ♪ Some people call me the space cowboy ♪ 556 00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:18,628 {\an8}♪ Yeah ♪ 557 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:24,384 {\an8}♪ Some call me the gangster of love ♪ 558 00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,803 {\an8}♪ Some people call me Maurice ♪ 559 00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,930 {\an8}♪ Whoo! Whoo! ♪ 560 00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:33,643 {\an8}♪ Cause I speak of the pompitous of love ♪ 561 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:39,649 {\an8}♪ People talk about me, baby, yeah! ♪ 562 00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:43,320 {\an8}♪ Sayin' I'm doin' you wrong ♪ 563 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:44,821 {\an8}♪ Doin' you wrong, doin' you wrong ♪ 564 00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:47,115 {\an8}♪ Doin' you wrong ♪ 565 00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:52,120 {\an8}♪ Well don't you worry, baby, don't worry ♪ 566 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,289 {\an8}♪ 'Cause I'm right here ♪ 567 00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:56,166 {\an8}♪ Right here, right here, right here, right here ♪ 568 00:22:57,667 --> 00:22:58,794 Shh! 569 00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:04,716 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.