1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,756 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,343 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,222 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:20,020 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:32,532 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:32,615 --> 00:00:33,825 (tires screech) 7 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,497 -Aah! -(tires screech) 8 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:56,806 {\an8}MAN: Well, then let's move on to new business. 9 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,225 {\an8}Have you taken care of McBain? 10 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,685 {\an8}You don't have to worry, Senator Mendoza. 11 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:04,564 {\an8}By now, our dear friend, McBain, has met with a 12 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,275 {\an8}shall we say, unfortunate accident. 13 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:09,778 {\an8}(laughing) 14 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:13,782 {\an8}Excellent. With McBain out of the way, nothing can stop us. 15 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:16,743 {\an8}Any more new business? 16 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:17,911 {\an8}Only your deaths. 17 00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,788 {\an8}-McBain! -(gun cocks) 18 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,085 {\an8}Oh, hmm, hmm! 19 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,798 {\an8}(screaming) 20 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:33,009 {\an8}Aah, McBain! 21 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,264 Meeting adjourned. 22 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:40,892 -$2.50 for this? -What a gyp. 23 00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:43,353 You certainly broke up that meeting. 24 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,689 Right now, I'm thinking about holding another meeting... 25 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,066 in bed. 26 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:50,485 Oh, McBain. 27 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:56,950 {\an8}♪ The rules that constrain other men ♪ 28 00:01:57,033 --> 00:02:00,870 {\an8}♪ Mean nothing to McBain... ♪ 29 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,163 GRAMPA: Boo! 30 00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:06,084 I want to see the manager! 31 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,878 -The screen was too small. -The floor was sticky. 32 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,422 The romantic sub-plot felt tacked on. 33 00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,049 In short, we demand a refund! 34 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,760 -Sorry, it's against our policy. -I'll policy you... 35 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,388 Hey, don't have a heart attack, old dude. 36 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:22,058 Don't you... tell me what to do... 37 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,352 you young... 38 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,730 whipper... snapper. 39 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,400 And thank you most of all, for nuclear power 40 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,862 which has yet to cause a single proven fatality... 41 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,114 at least in this country. 42 00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,283 -Amen. -Very nicely said, Homer. 43 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:41,077 Dad, Bart ate a green bean during the blessing. 44 00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,121 How do you know unless you opened your eyes during the blessing? 45 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,330 Eating is worse than opening eyes. 46 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,582 -Is not. -Is too. 47 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:46,708 -Is not. -Is too. 48 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,877 Quiet you kids! If I hear one more word, 49 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,753 Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, 50 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,255 and Lisa doesn't get to go to college. 51 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,506 -Dad! -Dad! 52 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,674 Not one word! 53 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,105 {\an8}(both chuckling) 54 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,481 I thought I said knock it off. 55 00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,275 -We didn't say anything. -Not one word. 56 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:13,818 -(phone rings) -No "pantomomime," either. 57 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,529 Telephone, Homer. It's the hospital. 58 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:20,074 (gasps) The hospital? Hello? 59 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,494 {\an8}-Oh, my God! -Homer, I'm happy to say 60 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,622 that your father only had a mild arrhythmia. 61 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,707 Mild? 62 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:30,710 There wasn't anything mild about it! 63 00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,546 Now get back to the pharmacy, you quack! 64 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,716 (chuckles) Oh, with that feisty attitude 65 00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:39,719 you'll bury us all, Grampa Simpson. 66 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:43,723 Uh, pull your chair closer, my son. 67 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:44,849 What is it, Dad? 68 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:48,311 P.U., not that close! Eesh! 69 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:52,732 Homer, that heart attack made me realize 70 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,817 that I'm going to die someday. 71 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,487 Oh, Dad, you and your imagination. 72 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,447 There's something I think you should know. 73 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:02,825 Homer, you have a half brother. 74 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,911 -A half brother? -Uh-huh. 75 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:09,040 It all happened when I was courting your mother. 76 00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:12,252 I was checking out the skirts at the local carnival 77 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,295 when I first saw her. 78 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,799 Hey, handsome, want to dunk the clown? 79 00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:20,760 She did things your mother would never do 80 00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:23,554 like have sex for money. 81 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,057 A year later, the carnival came back to town 82 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:29,394 and she had a little surprise for me. 83 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,772 We left the baby at the Shelbyville Orphanage, 84 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:35,733 and I never saw him again. 85 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,654 A year later, I married your mother, and we had you. 86 00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:43,783 Abe, I want Homer to grow up respecting his father. 87 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:46,869 He must never know about that-- that carnival incident. 88 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,705 -Okay. -Promise you won't tell him. 89 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,373 I promise. 90 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,375 Whoops! Forget what I just told you. 91 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,043 (crying) 92 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,045 What are you blubbering about? 93 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,298 This makes me feel special, Dad. 94 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:01,301 Since I'm the one you kept, that must mean you really love me. 95 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,720 Hmm... interesting theory. 96 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,181 I'm going to find my brother. I don't care what it takes. 97 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:10,560 If I have to move Heaven and Earth, I'm going to find him. 98 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,062 -Yeah, right. Good luck. -(TV on) 99 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,733 A long lost half brother. How Dickensian. 100 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,901 So, any idea where this bastard lives? 101 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,070 -Bart! -His parent's aren't married, are they? 102 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,697 It's the correct word, isn't it? 103 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,074 -I guess he's got us there. -Hmm. 104 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,909 BART: ♪ Bastard, bastard... ♪ 105 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,287 -MARGE: Bart! -HOMER: Bart! Bart! 106 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,079 BART: ♪ Bastard, bastard ♪ 107 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,915 HOMER: 2148. This is it. 108 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,418 Excuse me, is this an orphanage? 109 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,045 Ooh, you're a little late, pal. 110 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,380 They tore down the orphanage 30-odd years ago. 111 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,258 30 years? I'll never find him. 112 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,428 I'm doomed to walk through this life alone. 113 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,638 (desperate sobbing) 114 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:51,934 Oh, brother, where art thou? 115 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,353 Take it easy, buddy. They moved across the street. 116 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,438 (chuckling) Oh, sorry. 117 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,899 I know how you feel, Mr. Simpson. 118 00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,568 I, myself, have spent years searching 119 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,653 for my long lost twin brother. 120 00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,614 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I wish I could help you, 121 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,657 but we're looking for my brother today. 122 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,826 -Can you tell me his name? -Hmm... 123 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:12,330 According to our records, a Mr. and Mrs. Powell adopted your brother 124 00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:13,915 and named him Herbert. 125 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:17,377 Herbert! Herbert Powell! Great. Where can I find him? 126 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,962 I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to release that information. 127 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,923 Oh, please, please. 128 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,133 This is my life we're talking about here. 129 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,595 Well, I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. 130 00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:29,597 After all, your brother could be anywhere. 131 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:33,518 -Even Detroit. -I know he could be anywhere! 132 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,646 That's why I want you to narrow it down! Please! 133 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,274 You know, Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, the city of brotherly love 134 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,485 isn't Philadelphia, it's Detroit. 135 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,612 Well, if you ask me, changing the subject 136 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,281 makes you the most worthless, heartless excuse 137 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,658 for a human being I ever-- 138 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,493 Read between the lines, you fool! 139 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:53,955 Oh! Oh, I get it! Okay. 140 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,915 Here's 20 bucks. 141 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,792 Now will you tell me where my brother lives? 142 00:06:57,875 --> 00:06:59,877 -Mr. Simpson, I don't want-- -Just take it and tell me! 143 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,087 Detroit. He lives in Detroit. 144 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,005 Fine. Thank you. 145 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,300 Let's see. Powell, Powell, Powell... 146 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:10,430 Pomerantz, Poole, Popkin, 147 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,558 Potter, Quigley, Quimby, Randolph. 148 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:14,767 Oop, too far. 149 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,395 (gasps) Here it is... Powell. 150 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,901 (no audible dialogue) 151 00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,950 MARGE: Any luck, Homey? HOMER: No. 152 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,870 I called all three Herbert Powells in Detroit. 153 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:38,249 -Nothing. -Well, you want to try that H. Powell? 154 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:39,876 "H"! Of course! 155 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,253 That could stand for Herbert. 156 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:43,796 It's a long shot, but... 157 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,633 -(ringing) -Hello? 158 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,803 -Is this H. Powell of Detroit, Michigan? -Yeah. 159 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,097 By any chance does the "H" stand for Herbert? 160 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,140 Yeah. 161 00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,767 Wahoo! The "H" stands for Herbert! 162 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,394 Herb, were you adopted? 163 00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,937 Yeah. 164 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,231 From the Shelbyville Orphanage? 165 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,357 How did you know that? 166 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,359 Because... 167 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,653 I'm your baby brother, Homer. 168 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:09,906 Hello. Hello? 169 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,324 Hello? Stupid phone! 170 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,451 Hey, hey! Knock it off, I'm here! 171 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,036 I'm just silent because 172 00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,662 -of the emotion involved. -Oh, sorry. 173 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,414 Homer, I think we need to get together. 174 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,540 Okay, brother. 175 00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:21,918 Grab the next plane to Springfield. 176 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,002 We got a couch that folds out. 177 00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:24,170 I'll tell you what. 178 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,838 Why don't you come here? 179 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:34,013 -BART, LISA: Are we there yet? -HOMER: Just a little furth-- 180 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,348 -Are we there yet? -Just a little fur-- 181 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:37,225 -Are we there yet? -Just a little further! 182 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,018 Bart! Lisa! If you don't behave, 183 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,062 we'll turn this car right around and go home. 184 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:43,147 But, Marge, I want to see my brother. 185 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,691 Oh, for God's sakes, Homer, it's an empty threat. 186 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,486 -Oh. D'oh! -(siren wailing) 187 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,408 Did you know you were going-- 188 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,452 Oh, sorry, sir. 189 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,954 I didn't know it was you. 190 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,081 That's okay. Carry on. 191 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:03,084 See the way I handled that, Marge? (slurps) 192 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,799 Wow! What are you doing here? 193 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,384 What does it look like? 194 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:14,720 -D'oh! -(laughing) 195 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,352 D'oh. Every day we're losing ground to the Japanese, and I wanna know why? 196 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,229 Unfair trade practices? 197 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,398 Mushy-headed one-worlders in Washington? 198 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:29,110 -Some sort of Gypsy curse? -I'm tired of excuses. 199 00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:30,861 Why did I ever hire you Harvard deadheads? 200 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,196 Because you went there, sir. 201 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,366 Yeah, but Mommy and Daddy didn't pay my way. 202 00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:37,702 I had to work my way through washing your dishes 203 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,203 and scrubbing your toilets. 204 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,163 Oh, yeah, now I remember you. 205 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,040 Have you come up with a name for our new economy model? 206 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,417 You're gonna love this, chief-- 207 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,043 The Persephone. 208 00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,212 -Persephone? -Mm-hmm. 209 00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,047 What the hell kind of name is Persephone? 210 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:53,050 She was the Greek goddess of spring and rebirth. 211 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:54,844 -D'oh! -And get this sir. 212 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,555 She was carried off to Hades by the king of the underworld. 213 00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,390 While there, she ate six pomegranates-- 214 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:00,725 People don't want cars 215 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:03,894 named after hungry, old Greek broads! 216 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:06,230 They want names like Mustang 217 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,398 and Cheetah-- 218 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,734 vicious animal names. 219 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,945 The problem with you guys is you've forgotten your roots! 220 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,739 You? What are your roots? 221 00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:16,407 Well, I guess you could say they extend 222 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:18,743 to when the Anglos met the Saxons. 223 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,579 -(laughter) -In other words, when white met bread. 224 00:10:21,662 --> 00:10:23,623 Sir, we'd love to know what your roots are, 225 00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:25,124 and what they have to teach us. 226 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,293 (sighs) I have no roots. 227 00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,754 All I know is that... 228 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,881 I'm just... 229 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,382 a lonely guy. 230 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,259 ALL: Aww! 231 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:38,095 -What's he so upset about? -Good Lord. 232 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:41,891 Marge, this can't be the right address. 233 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,145 Hello, in there. 234 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,229 Homer? 235 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,149 Herb? 236 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,984 -You look just like-- -You look just like-- 237 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,195 -Except you got a little less-- -Except you got a little more-- 238 00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:56,322 -And a little more-- -And a little less-- 239 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,616 -God, I feel so-- -God, I feel so-- 240 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,619 -Homer! -Herbert! 241 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,371 -Homer! -Oh, Herbert. 242 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:05,331 Welcome to my home, brother. 243 00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:07,917 HOMER: Holy moly, the bastard's rich! 244 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,378 Herb, allow me to introduce my family. 245 00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:11,796 This is my wife, Marge. 246 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:14,090 -Hello. -Hello! 247 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:17,385 -You old dog! She's gorgeous. -Thank you. 248 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:20,930 And our three children-- Bart, Lisa and Maggie. 249 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,682 -Hello, sir. -Hello, Mr. Powell. 250 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:23,808 All born in wedlock? 251 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:25,726 Yeah, though the boy was a close call. 252 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,354 Hmm. So, Lisa, 253 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:29,897 are you the little hell-raiser 254 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,023 your father told me about? 255 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:33,025 No, sir, I can assure you, I'm not. 256 00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,860 I'm the little hell-raiser, sir. 257 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,946 Would you like to hold the baby, Herb? 258 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,364 Oh, I'm afraid I wouldn't know how. 259 00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,449 Oh, what's to know? 260 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,577 -Just dive in. Catch! -(inhales) 261 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,747 God, that new-baby smell. 262 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,583 Homer, you're the richest man I know. 263 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,044 I feel the same about you. 264 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,464 While you're here, I want you to make yourselves right at home. 265 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:59,009 Any time you're hungry, anytime day or night, 266 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,594 Cook will make you anything you want. 267 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,763 -Even pork chops? -Absolutely. 268 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:06,100 We have a tennis court, a swimming pool, a screening room. 269 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,978 If I want pork chops even in the middle of the night, 270 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,479 your guy will fry them up? 271 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,481 Sure. That's what he's paid for. 272 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,109 Now, if you need towels, laundry, maids-- 273 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,446 Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Let me see if I got this straight. 274 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,489 It's Christmas day, 4 a.m. 275 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,991 There's a rumble in my stomach... 276 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,993 -Homer, please. -(laughing) 277 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,245 Your old man sure loves pork chops. 278 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:28,038 He sure does, Uncle Herb. 279 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:31,625 Bart, Uncle Herb sounds so formal. 280 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,502 Do you think you could call me... 281 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,629 -Uncie Herb? -Oh, no problemo, Uncie Herb. 282 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,673 Ha! He's adorable. 283 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,383 My nephew's adorable. 284 00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,801 Marco. 285 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,802 Polo. 286 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,095 -Marco! -Polo. 287 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,513 Will you kids shut up? 288 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,308 So, Marge, a little about yourself. 289 00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:50,102 Well, I met Homer in high school. 290 00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:53,481 We got married and had three beautiful children. 291 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,983 Wow, we have so much catching up to do. 292 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:59,987 Hmm. Actually, I just told you pretty much everything. 293 00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,947 -Watch me dive! -Watch me dive! 294 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,783 -Watch me dive! -Okay, we're watching! 295 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,785 I hope we're not spoiling them. 296 00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:07,912 -Man, you weren't watching! -You didn't see what I did! 297 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:09,580 -I did a double whammy-- -You didn't watch me dive! 298 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,465 A millionaire? 299 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:22,092 Oh, I kept the wrong one. Look, son, 300 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,220 I'll come as soon as I can get out of here. 301 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,304 In the meantime, 302 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:28,682 please don't do anything stupid. 303 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,273 Uncie Herb, can I spit over the side? 304 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,567 (laughing) I love this kid. 305 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,944 Hock your brains out. 306 00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,612 (hocking) 307 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:42,738 (hocking) 308 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,448 -Ho, got him! -(laughing) 309 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,660 Hello, Cook? Sorry to bother you so late, 310 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:49,620 but I got a hankering for some-- 311 00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:51,789 That's right! Don't forget the applesauce. 312 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:56,752 Okay, Homer. Pick out any one you want. 313 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,129 HOMER: Are you sure you want to give me a car? 314 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,757 HERB: Hey, you know what these things cost me? 315 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,552 There's maybe 40 bucks' worth of steel in them. 316 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,095 -(chuckles) -Oh, okay. 317 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,930 I'd like a big one then. 318 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,849 -We don't have a big one. -Why not? 319 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,101 Because Americans don't want big cars. 320 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,144 Well, then give me one with lots of pep. 321 00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,063 Sorry, our cars don't have pep. 322 00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,690 -Why not? -Uh, because... 323 00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:19,441 Americans want good mileage, not pep. 324 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,527 Homer, tell the nice man 325 00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,863 -what country you come from. -America. 326 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,781 HERB: Do you hear that, ya morons? 327 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,200 This is why we're getting killed in the marketplace! 328 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,202 Instead of listening to what people want, 329 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,787 you're telling them what they want. 330 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,082 Homer, I need your help. 331 00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:37,251 -You do? -Yeah. 332 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:41,755 I want you to help me design a car-- 333 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:45,134 a car for all the Homer Simpsons out there, 334 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:49,179 and I want to pay you $200,000 a year! 335 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,764 And I want to let you! 336 00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,895 Homer, meet my team of engineers. 337 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,898 -They're gonna build your car. -Hiya, team. 338 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,567 Now boys and girls, this project is our top priority. 339 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,444 Everything else is on hold. 340 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:05,029 I don't wanna see anything until it's finished. 341 00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,196 But, sir... 342 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,282 -(team clamoring) -Bup-bup-bup-bup! 343 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:11,160 Direct all your questions to Mr. Homer Simpson, 344 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,245 the man with the vision. 345 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:16,248 The man who's going to bust this company out of its rut. 346 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:20,127 The man who's going to change American transportation forever. 347 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,464 So, uh, what kind of car would you like, Mr. Simpson? 348 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:24,673 I don't know. 349 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,092 Whatever you kids want to do today, 350 00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:29,219 -you just tell Uncie Herb. -Oh, dear. 351 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,930 I want to go on a pony ride, Uncie Herb. 352 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,681 I want to go on a boat ride, Uncie Herb. 353 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,808 -Pony ride. Pony ride. -Boat ride. Boat ride. 354 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:35,684 -Pony ride. -Boat ride. 355 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,603 (bickering trails off) 356 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,855 -Ahoy, mateys! -Yee-ha! 357 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,981 (whinnies) 358 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,108 Kids are so easy to please. 359 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,235 I really hope we're not spoiling them. 360 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,236 Nah. 361 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,988 What's that? 362 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,324 -The on-board computer. -Oh, right. 363 00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:52,242 Ooh! What's that do-hickey? 364 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,620 Mr. Simpson, your brother told you to help us with this car. 365 00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,372 -Now, didn't he? -Oh, yeah, he did. 366 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,917 Mm-hmm. Well, then, why don't you get us some coffee? 367 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,002 Oh, okay. 368 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:05,214 Batting ninth... Uncie Herb! 369 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,466 HOMER: Whew. Oh, boy. 370 00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:08,926 Hey Homer, how's your car coming? 371 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,469 Oh, fine. We're putting in 372 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:11,971 an on-board something or other, 373 00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,889 and rack-and-peanut steering, I guess. 374 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,600 -Homer. -Huh? 375 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,894 You didn't ask for rack-and-pinion steering, did you? 376 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,146 -Uh, yeah, I think I did. -How could you ask for it? 377 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,606 You don't even know what it is. 378 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,900 You just called it rack-and-peanut steering. 379 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,777 -Uh, may I be excused please? -No. 380 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,946 Homer, do you know why I gave you this job? 381 00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,656 'Cause you think I'm a genius? 382 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,116 Nah, I don't think you're a genius. 383 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,534 'Cause you think I'm dynamic? 384 00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,035 I don't think you're dynamic. 385 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,913 -You think I work well with others? -No, no, no. 386 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,207 Homer, I gave you this job because you're an average schmo! 387 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,626 -Oh, great. -All you need is a little self-confidence. 388 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:45,379 Oh, Uncie Herb, I don't know anything about cars-- 389 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,756 Listen to me. Here's what you do. 390 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,925 From now on, before you say anything, 391 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,218 say to yourself: 392 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:53,303 "If I was ever sure of anything, 393 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:54,555 I'm sure of this." 394 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,265 -Do you understand? -Sort of. 395 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,725 -Homer? -What? 396 00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,643 Answer me again with self-confidence. 397 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,937 -Sort of! -Now go get 'em! 398 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,231 (battle cry) 399 00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:06,984 All right, you eggheads! I want a place in this car to put my drink! 400 00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,736 Sir, the car has a beverage holder. 401 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,113 Hello? Hello, Einstein? 402 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,490 I said a place to put my drink! 403 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,035 You know those super-slackers they sell in the Quickie Mart? 404 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,078 The cup is this big. 405 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,706 -Extremely large beverage holder. -And I'm not done yet. 406 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,666 You know that little ball you put on the aerial 407 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,251 so you can find your car in the parking lot? 408 00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:25,711 That should be on every car. 409 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,588 Little ball... 410 00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:30,424 And some things are so snazzy they never go out of style, 411 00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:33,510 like tail fins and bubble domes, and shag carpeting. 412 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:35,387 I've got to call the boss. 413 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,932 Yello? Uh-huh. Well, you know what? 414 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,060 I'm glad you're nervous, 415 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,644 because that means we're on the right track. 416 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:46,065 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 417 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,649 Uh-huh. All right, all right! 418 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,359 Okay this is what you're going to do. 419 00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,361 You're going to hang up, call me back 420 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,030 and say the exact opposite 421 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,865 of everything you just said. Good-bye. 422 00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,533 Bart, Lisa, come over here. 423 00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,452 -LISA: What is it, Uncie Herb? -I want you to hear 424 00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,287 what the guys down at the plant think of your old man. 425 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,497 -(phone rings) -Yello? 426 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:05,250 Um, Homer Simpson is a brilliant man 427 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:09,254 with lots of well-thought-out, practical ideas. 428 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,466 He is ensuring the financial security of this company 429 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,134 for years to come-- Oh, yes! 430 00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:16,929 And his personal hygiene is above reproach. 431 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,765 -Whoa. Our Dad's the greatest. -All right. 432 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,517 -Homer, I'm impressed. -Way to go, Dad. 433 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:22,976 -Pretty good, eh? -Yeah. 434 00:18:23,060 --> 00:18:25,646 I want a horn here, here and here. 435 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,107 You can never find your horn when you're mad. 436 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,943 And they should all play "La Cucaracha." 437 00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,194 Can do, Mr. S. 438 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:34,196 And sometimes the kids are in the back seat. 439 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,532 They're hollering. They're making you nuts. 440 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,826 There's gotta be something you can do about that. 441 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,370 Maybe a built-in video game would keep them entertained? 442 00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,039 You're fired! What is my brother paying you for? 443 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,543 What about a separate soundproof bubble dome for the kids, 444 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,795 with optional restraints and muzzles? 445 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,172 Bull's-eye! And another thing. When I gun the motor, 446 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,467 I want people to think the world is coming to an end. 447 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,136 Vroom-vroom-vroom! 448 00:18:58,554 --> 00:18:59,555 LISA: The mouse is named Itchy, 449 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,431 and the cat is named Scratchy. 450 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,600 -Uh-huh. -They hate each other. 451 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,060 And they're not shy about expressing it. 452 00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,186 Oh, good, good, good, good. 453 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,774 (boing, boing) 454 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,192 (screeching) 455 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:16,196 (Bart and Lisa laughing) 456 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:22,286 -(all laughing) -Whoo-hoo! 457 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:23,996 {\an8}To think I wasted my life 458 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:26,456 {\an8}in board rooms and stockholders meetings 459 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,251 {\an8}when I could have been watching cartoons! 460 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,837 {\an8}This old fool has wasted his life. 461 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,091 -(cat yowling) -(laughing) 462 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,594 (monitor beeping) 463 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,095 (wind rushing) 464 00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:47,102 -(shutter clicks) -Hello there. 465 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,145 Do you miss the Antarctic? 466 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,522 Now this is spoiling them. 467 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:57,446 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 468 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:06,079 -♪♪ (fanfare plays) -Ladies and gentlemen, 469 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,290 esteemed stockholders, 470 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:09,666 members of the press, 471 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,085 Your Holiness, 472 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:16,673 tonight, we are going to witness automotive history. 473 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,883 ♪♪ (celestial music plays) 474 00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:20,052 ♪ Whatever Homer wants... ♪ 475 00:20:20,135 --> 00:20:22,095 HOMER: All my life, I have searched for a car 476 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,847 that feels a certain way-- 477 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,058 ♪ Homer gets ♪ 478 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:27,517 Powerful like a gorilla, 479 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:30,145 yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball. 480 00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,356 Now, at last, I have found it. 481 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,776 ANNOUNCER (on P.A.): Ladies and gentlemen, 482 00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:39,321 presenting the car designed for the average man... 483 00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:40,697 the Homer. 484 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,574 (crowd gasps) 485 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:43,742 (gagging) 486 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:47,955 Any questions? 487 00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:49,915 What does this monstrosity cost? 488 00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:52,668 Jerry, what's the sticker price? 489 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,294 (whispering) 490 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:57,130 $82,000? 491 00:20:57,214 --> 00:21:01,677 This monstrosity cost $82,000? 492 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,554 What have I done? 493 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:07,099 I mean, the zoo was fun, but... 494 00:21:07,182 --> 00:21:08,725 I'm ruined! 495 00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:11,270 -(Herb sobbing) -(horn plays "La Cucaracha") 496 00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,650 -Bye, Uncie Herb. -Bye, Uncie Herb. 497 00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,902 -Good-bye, Herb. -Gee, Herb, 498 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,988 because of me, you lost your business, 499 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:23,323 your home, and all your possessions. 500 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:27,035 I can't help but think that maybe you would have been better off 501 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,704 if I'd never come into your life. 502 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,372 Maybe I would have been better off? 503 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:33,417 Maybe? Why, you spongehead! 504 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,752 Of course I'd have been better off! 505 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:40,215 As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother. 506 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:43,593 Well, maybe he just said that to make conversation. 507 00:21:43,677 --> 00:21:45,929 His life was an unbridled success 508 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:48,890 until he found out he was a Simpson. 509 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:50,559 (tires screech) 510 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,311 I'm here. 511 00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,313 Now, where's that millionaire chip off the old block 512 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:55,897 I call sonny boy? 513 00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:58,567 Get in, Dad. I'll explain on the way home. 514 00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:02,362 D'oh! I knew you'd blow it. 515 00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:03,363 (tires screech) 516 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,825 -Dad? -What is it, boy? 517 00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:10,537 -I thought your car was really cool. -Thanks, boy. 518 00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:13,206 HOMER: I was waiting for someone to say that. 519 00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,376 {\an8}♪♪ 520 00:22:59,753 --> 00:23:01,296 Shh! 521 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,511 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.