1 00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:05,755 {\an8}♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:18,893 -(chalk screeches) -(bell rings) 3 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,358 (work whistle blows) 4 00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:30,739 -(sucking) -(register beeping) 5 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,460 (jazzy solo) 6 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,547 (tires screech) 7 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,221 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:58,641 --> 00:00:59,934 (horn honks) 9 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,312 (tires screech) 10 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,398 D-oh! 11 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,942 -Aah! -(tires screech) 12 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,708 {\an8}Hurry, Mom. If we don't get to the convention soon, 13 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,376 {\an8}all the good comics will be gone. 14 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,170 {\an8}Aw, what do you care about good comics? 15 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,464 {\an8}All you ever buy is Casper "The Wimpy" Ghost. 16 00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:32,509 {\an8}I think it's sad that you equate friendliness with wimpiness, 17 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,512 {\an8}and I hope it will keep you from ever achieving true popularity. 18 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,138 {\an8}Well, you wanna know what I think? 19 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,723 {\an8}I think Casper is the ghost of Richie Rich. 20 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,351 {\an8}LISA: Hey, they do look alike. 21 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,728 {\an8}-I wonder how Richie died? -Perhaps he realized 22 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:44,813 {\an8}how hollow the pursuit of money is, 23 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:46,231 {\an8}and took his own life. 24 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,274 {\an8}Kids, could you lighten up a little? 25 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,527 {\an8}Now, Radioactive Man, he rules! 26 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:53,404 {\an8}Never punches a bad guy without saying something cool. 27 00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,532 {\an8}He's no wittier than the next superhero. 28 00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:58,660 {\an8}Oh, yeah? Look. He knocks a guy into the sun and says, 29 00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:00,370 "Hot enough for you?" 30 00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,122 Heh, heh, heh... 31 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,373 I stand corrected. 32 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,584 We're here! 33 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,588 Too bad we didn't come dressed 34 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,923 as popular cartoon characters. 35 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:15,593 This looks like a discount for... 36 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:18,263 -Bartman! -(wind gusts) 37 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,598 Who are you supposed to be? 38 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,642 I'm Bartman. 39 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,018 Never heard of him-- full price. 40 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,854 Lousy rip-off. 41 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,897 Is, uh, this on? 42 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,568 (clears throat) Young people of Springfield, as your mayor, 43 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,237 I'd like to welcome you to our annual funny book convention 44 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:38,658 and thank you for pumping almost $300 into the local economy. 45 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:41,452 -(scattered applause) -Your youthful high spirits 46 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,788 have imparted a glow to this old war-horse. 47 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:47,625 You might say I feel like Radiation Man. 48 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,336 -That's "Radioactive Man," jerk. -(laughing) 49 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:54,674 I, uh, stand corrected. Well, have fun and be sure 50 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:57,093 to clear out by 6 for the Shriners. 51 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,054 Get that punk's name. No one makes a fool out of Diamond Joe Quimby. 52 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,098 Excuse me, sir. 53 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,601 Has anyone turned in a left Vulcan ear? 54 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,186 Well, let's see. 55 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,314 We got a utility belt, a couple of tricorders, 56 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:11,524 a lightsaber... Sorry, kid. 57 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:15,403 Mmm-mm, mmm, mmm, mmm. 58 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:18,031 Mmm. Mm-mmm. 59 00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:21,117 -Hey, Bart dude. -Hey, Otto man. Ooh, what's that? 60 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,287 My very own idea for a comic book, little man. 61 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,415 It's about a dude who drives a school bus by day 62 00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:31,836 but by night, fights vampires in a post-apocalyptic war zone. 63 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,796 -Cool! -Come on, Bart. 64 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,673 We're going to see Buddy Hodges. 65 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:38,760 {\an8}-The guy who played Fallout Boy on TV? -Yep! 66 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,512 {\an8}Wow! I guess he wasn't killed in Vietnam. 67 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,933 Ahh, these Laramie cigarettes 68 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:48,311 give me the steady nerves I need to combat evil. 69 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,104 Gee willickers, Radioactive Man. 70 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,315 Wished I was old enough to smoke Laramies. 71 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:53,650 Sorry, Fallout Boy. 72 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:57,237 Not until you're 16. Look out! 73 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,655 ANNOUNCER: Will Radioactive Man 74 00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,448 act in time to save the Earth? 75 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:03,076 (kids cheering) 76 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,620 Well, wasn't that great? 77 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:08,873 You know kids, I'm sure we'd all like to remember actor Dirk Richter 78 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:11,626 for his portrayal of Radioactive Man 79 00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:14,963 and not the sordid details of his final years, 80 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,173 so let's keep the questions tasteful, okay? 81 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,969 Now, how about a big welcome for Buddy "Fallout Boy" Hodges! 82 00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:24,889 -(kids cheering) -Any questions? 83 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:28,518 When Radioactive Man got injected with shrinking serum in issue 234, 84 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,270 how come his costume shrinks too? 85 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,063 I'm sure I don't know, 86 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,649 but I did just finish playing Rum Tum Tugger 87 00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,526 in the second national touring company of Cats. 88 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,444 -Anybody see it? -Oh, oh, over here! 89 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,155 -Fallout Boy! Me, me me! -Yes, you. The masked boy. 90 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,741 Do you think the ghost of Dirk Richter haunts the bordello 91 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,827 where his bullet-riddled body was found? 92 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:48,705 (crying) Dirk Richter was a beautiful man. 93 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,666 Can't you little vultures leave him alone?! 94 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:53,209 (sobbing) 95 00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:59,299 Hey! Radioactive Man #72! 96 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,134 It's an imaginary tale 97 00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:03,428 where Radioactive Man marries Larva Girl. 98 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,847 BART: Wow, number nine! 99 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,724 That's before Fallout Boy became his ward. 100 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,228 Tell you what. I'll show you something very special 101 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,898 if you promise to put your grubby little hands behind your back and keep 'em there. 102 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,734 -Behold! -Wow! 103 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,945 Radioactive Man Number One. 104 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:23,281 -None other. -I bet it's worth a million bucks. 105 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:26,868 It is, my lad. But I'll let you have it for 100, because you remind me of me. 106 00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,954 -Oh, all I got is 30. -Then you cannot have it. 107 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,914 But I must. Until this moment, 108 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,499 I never knew why God put me on this Earth, 109 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:37,045 but now I know-- to buy that comic book. 110 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,755 Your emotion is out of place here, son. 111 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:42,717 (horns honking) 112 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,761 So, did you kids have fun? 113 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,764 Yeah Mom. Guess what? For a dollar, a man sold me 35 Caspers 114 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,849 and a dozen Lois Lanes. 115 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,769 -Ooh. -I never knew what Superman saw in her. 116 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,563 Give me Wonder Woman! (lecherous growl) 117 00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:59,275 And that golden lariat-- she can tie me up anytime. 118 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:03,363 (barking and howling) 119 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,531 -Homer! -I was just kidding, Marge. 120 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:09,952 Hey! What does everyone say to dinner at Krusty Burgers? 121 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,704 (cheering) My treat. 122 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,998 Alright Homer! Woah, you really are a sport, Dad, 123 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,751 taking us out to a fine restaurant like Krusty Burger. 124 00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,378 Alright, what are you getting at? 125 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,546 I need $100 for a comic book. 126 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,591 100 bucks? For a comic book? Who drew it, Michael Malangelo? 127 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:26,594 Oh, please, Dad. I want this more than anything in the world. 128 00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,554 Well, T.S. 129 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:33,684 -Please, Dad. -No. 130 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:35,520 -Please, Dad. -No. No! 131 00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,188 Now look, son. We all know that, 132 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:39,565 usually, when you bug me like this, I give in, 133 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,526 so I'm not mad at you for trying-- 134 00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,444 shows you've been paying attention-- 135 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:46,447 but we all know I'm not gonna give you $100. 136 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,324 -Now, are you going to stop bugging me? -No. 137 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,702 -Are you? -No. 138 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:53,371 -Are you? -No. No. 139 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,414 Okay! 140 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,124 Hee-hee! I win! 141 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,834 In your face! 142 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:59,710 Yeah! How do you like them apples? 143 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:03,172 -Hoo-hoo! (laughing) -Don't gloat, Homer. 144 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,924 You know, Bart, when I was your age, 145 00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,843 the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world 146 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,345 was a child-size, electric-light bulb oven. 147 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,264 My parents wouldn't give me the money, 148 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:13,683 so I went to my sisters, Patty and Selma. 149 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,810 We'll give you half our allowance. 150 00:07:15,893 --> 00:07:17,687 Uh-huh, but you have to be our slave. 151 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:20,440 -Okay. -This gives us a lot more free time. 152 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,817 Uh-huh! Let's take up smoking. 153 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,027 MARGE: For months I worked and worked 154 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,280 while my sisters smoked and smoked. 155 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,366 ♪ Venus ♪ 156 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,120 ♪ Oh, Venus... ♪ 157 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:37,582 We want those dress shields hand-washed 158 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,584 and drip dried. 159 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,586 But the big day finally came, 160 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:43,880 and because I'd worked for it, 161 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:48,009 all those lightbulb-warmed treats always tasted extra good. 162 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,303 So maybe a part-time job is the answer. 163 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:52,889 Oh, Mom, I couldn't ask you to do that. 164 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:55,308 You're already taking care of Maggie, and Lisa is such a handful. 165 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,518 LISA: She means you should get a job, stupid. 166 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,562 Me? 167 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,148 "THE WONDER YEARS" NARRATOR: Get a job? Were they serious? 168 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:04,650 ♪♪ (The Byrds' "Turn, Turn, Turn" playing) 169 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,569 I didn't realize it at the time, 170 00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,279 but a little piece of my childhood 171 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:09,906 had slipped away forever. 172 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,366 -Bart! What are you staring at? -Uh... nothing. 173 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:15,661 He didn't say it, and neither did I, but at that moment, 174 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,622 my Dad and I were closer than we've ever-- 175 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:20,208 -Bart! Stop it. -Sorry. 176 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,001 ♪ To everything... ♪ 177 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,088 ♪ I need some money... ♪ 178 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,215 ♪ A lot of money... ♪ 179 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,091 Ah! 180 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,469 Empty bottles, empty bottles. 181 00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:34,013 Hmm. Well, it's practically empty. 182 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,515 Here you go, Apu. 183 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,767 Very good. Would you like the deposit 184 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,894 defrayed from the cost of a jumbo cherry squishy? 185 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,687 No, not today. I need the dime. 186 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,148 Oh, it is good to see you are learning a trade. 187 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,443 Ching, ching, ching! 188 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,028 Aha! 189 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,572 Americanize this, my good man. 190 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,282 Okey-dokey. 191 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,244 {\an8}All those coins were only worth three lousy cents? 192 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,037 Let the good times roll. 193 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,831 This is so humiliating. 194 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,917 I feel like such a geek. 195 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,669 -How's it going, Bart? -Terrible. 196 00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:07,046 Cars slow down to laugh at me, but no one's buying. 197 00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:11,384 Maybe you need to play on their sympathies more. Let's see... 198 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,639 Ha, now you look pathetic. 199 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,350 Ha-ha! 200 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:20,560 Aw, lemonade sucks! 201 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,770 I need a new product. 202 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,689 Let's see... Ah! 203 00:09:24,772 --> 00:09:26,399 Form a line. No crowding. 204 00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:29,527 Cheap beer and a sympathetic ear. Step right up. 205 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:32,488 Hey, Bart, can you give me one on credit? I'm a little short this week. 206 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,489 Beat it. 207 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,366 Hey, you got a liquor license here, young fella? 208 00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:37,285 Uh... my dog ate it. 209 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,828 Got to have a license to sell beer. 210 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,788 Hey! Writing all those tickets 211 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:42,582 must make you guys thirsty. 212 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,875 How about a couple on the house? 213 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,335 Seeing how it's a first offense... 214 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,670 I guess we can overlook this. 215 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:49,922 -Mm-hmm. -(both chuckle) 216 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,424 So long, officers. 217 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:52,800 Uh-oh. 218 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,219 Hey, what's all the-- (screams) 219 00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,887 My beer! My beer! 220 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,348 My beautiful beer! 221 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:03,436 MARGE: The poor boy is so desperate. 222 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,980 He wants to earn money to buy a comic book. 223 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,607 A comic book? 224 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,900 Oh, my. Boys never change. 225 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,570 Which one is it, Nazi Smasher? 226 00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:13,863 I don't think so. 227 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,948 Send him over to my house. 228 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,743 I got a few chores he could do. 229 00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:21,412 He knows how to mix whitewash, don't he? 230 00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:24,749 -(crows cawing) -Mrs. Glick? 231 00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,876 You must be Bert Simpson. 232 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:30,171 Well, you look like you got a strong, young back. 233 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:32,590 Would you like something to eat? 234 00:10:32,673 --> 00:10:36,427 I got dried apricots, almond paste, 235 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,387 sauerkraut candy. 236 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,640 No, thanks. Who's that? 237 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,975 Oh, that's my brother Esa. 238 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,227 He was killed in the Great War. 239 00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,230 Held a grenade too long. 240 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,901 This one's for you, Kaiser Bill. 241 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,737 Special delivery from Uncle Sam and all the boys in "D" company-- 242 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,531 Yeah, Johnny, Harrison, Brooklyn Bob and Reggie. 243 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,659 Yeah, even Reggie. 244 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:00,660 He ain't so stuck up once you get to-- 245 00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:03,329 (explosion) 246 00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:04,497 (gulp) 247 00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,791 Here, have some ribbon candy. 248 00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:09,335 -Boys love candy. -No, thanks. 249 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,879 -Boys love candy! -Eww! 250 00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:13,714 I think I'd rather just get to work, ma'am. 251 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,133 We'll start with a little light yard work, 252 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:19,136 and when you're done, you can have a nice barley pop. 253 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,056 I want you to clear out all the weeds. 254 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,809 You do know which ones are weeds? 255 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:27,353 -All of them? -Good boy. 256 00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,730 Now be careful with these. 257 00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,941 I'll be inside watching my stories. 258 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,567 (sighs) 259 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:34,652 (grunting) 260 00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,155 Ow! 261 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:41,325 Ow! Ooh! 262 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:44,495 Jack, please. I'm married. 263 00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,706 That must be what's turning me on. 264 00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:49,667 Oh, stop it. Some more. 265 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,502 Filthy... 266 00:11:51,585 --> 00:11:54,255 but genuinely arousing. 267 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,882 -Finished. -Merciful heavens! 268 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,217 You're bleeding. 269 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,927 I'll get the iodine. 270 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,762 (mumbling) Now, let's see.... 271 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,098 bunion pad... liver... 272 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,224 iodine. 273 00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,309 Now don't fidget. 274 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,728 Listen, lady, you don't have-- 275 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,813 (long scream) 276 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,274 MRS. GLICK: They never improved on iodine. 277 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,525 Hi, Mom. 278 00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,277 Did you make any money? 279 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,904 Not yet, but at least I'm in a lot of pain. 280 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,782 Well, I think what you're doing for Mrs. Glick is very nice. 281 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,535 Poor old thing doesn't have anybody. 282 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:25,953 There's a reason. 283 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:29,457 The sludge certainly collects 284 00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,876 around those downspouts, don't it? 285 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:34,670 I'll sludge you, you old bat. 286 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:38,382 Today, we wash Beulah. You know what that is? 287 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,843 Some old lady thing nobody's heard about for fifty years? 288 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,344 No. 289 00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,847 It was my wedding dress. 290 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,933 But then I dyed it black 291 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,686 and it became my mourning dress. 292 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,313 Great story, lady. 293 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:02,990 Last night I dreamed I held you in my arms. 294 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,493 (cat growling) 295 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:06,994 (yowling) 296 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,579 No, no, not the iodine! 297 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,873 Burn the germs off with a torch 298 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,917 amputate my arm, but not the... 299 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,711 (screaming) 300 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,630 Well, it's payday. 301 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:21,008 I'll wager you've been looking forward to this. 302 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:22,176 Oh, yes, ma'am. 303 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:23,844 Here we are-- two quarters. 304 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,387 Two quarters? 305 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,181 You deserve every penny. 306 00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:30,935 You know, I've told a lot of my girlfriends about you 307 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,853 and they have chores too. 308 00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:34,605 Two quarters? 309 00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,441 Bart, you didn't say thank you. 310 00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:40,069 Listen, lady, I can leave without screaming, 311 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,904 and I can leave without saying a bad word. 312 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,657 But there is no way that I am saying thank you. 313 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:45,950 You're welcome. 314 00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:48,285 All right then, off you go 315 00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:51,664 to spend it on penny whistles and Moon Pies. 316 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:52,832 (door slams) 317 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,000 BART: Moon Pies, my butt. 318 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:56,502 Somebody ought to Moon-Pie her. 319 00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:58,379 What's the problem, boy? 320 00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:00,422 I been bustin' my hump all week for that withered old clam 321 00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,174 and all I got was 50¢. 322 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,302 Hey, when I was your age, 50¢ was a lot of money. 323 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,513 -Really? -Nah. 324 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,557 Dad, I've done everything I could 325 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,350 and I've only got 35 bucks. 326 00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,644 (groans) I am through with working. 327 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:16,647 -Working is for chumps. -Son, I'm proud of you. 328 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:19,567 I was twice your age before I figured that out. 329 00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:24,738 (gasps) 330 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,740 Can you let me have it for $40? 331 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,909 40 bucks? Forget it. You made me get off my stool for that? 332 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:31,829 It's all I've got. I sold seeds. 333 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,248 I visited my aunt in the nursing home. 334 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:38,085 I fished a dime out of the sewer, for God's sake! 335 00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,045 No way. What do you want? 336 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,463 Can I have it for 35? 337 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,924 No! No. Freaking kids. I do not need this. 338 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,093 I've got a Masters degree in Folklore and Mythology. 339 00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:49,930 Do you have the Carl Yastrzemski baseball card from 1973, 340 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,807 when he had big sideburns? 341 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,934 Show me the 30 bucks, 342 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,270 because if you ain't got it, I ain't getting off the stool. 343 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:57,855 Okay. 344 00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:59,481 Wait a minute. 345 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:02,192 Martin, if you, Milhouse and I went in together 346 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,863 we could buy a copy of Radioactive Man #1 right now. 347 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,531 -Wow! -Wow! 348 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,575 -Here you go. Muttonchop Yaz. -I don't want it. 349 00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:12,077 -Freaking kids. -Look pal, we got 100 bucks 350 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,872 and we'd like to buy Radioactive Man #1. 351 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,708 So why don't you just waddle over there 352 00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:19,168 -and get it! -Yes, sir! 353 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,963 Wow! 354 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:26,050 -Breathe it in, boys. -(sniffing) 355 00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:29,887 This is the stuff dreams are made of. 356 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,931 It smells like my grandpa. 357 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,682 -(thunder rumbles) -Uh-oh, looks like rain. 358 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,809 We better get this baby home. 359 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:38,979 Uh-oh. 360 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,814 Looks like you bought more than you bargained for. 361 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,524 -(fiendish laughter) -(thunderclap) 362 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,702 MAN'S VOICE: My pants-- (straining) 363 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,621 ...caught on barbed wire! 364 00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:58,916 Good Lord! Choke! An A-bomb! 365 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:02,461 -Yaarrgh! -(explosion) 366 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:03,754 (grunts) 367 00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:08,092 Becoming radioactive. 368 00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:11,428 (deep, powerful voice) From this day forward I shall call myself... 369 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:14,932 -Radioactive Man! -So that's how it happened. 370 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:18,560 I would have thought being hit by an atomic bomb would've killed him. 371 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,522 -Now you know better. -Turn the page, Bart. 372 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:30,030 BART: Careful, careful. Ah. 373 00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,198 Listen, you guys are welcome to come over 374 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,616 and read it any time you like. 375 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,034 Why can't we keep it at my house? 376 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:35,911 Your house? That's crazy talk. 377 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,288 Well the comic's ours as much as it is yours. 378 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,748 How about this, guys? 379 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,084 Bart can have it Mondays and Thursdays, 380 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,836 Milhouse will get it Tuesdays and Fridays, 381 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,838 and yours truly will take it Wednesdays and Saturdays. 382 00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:48,090 -Perfect. -Wait a minute. 383 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:51,218 -What about Sunday? -Yeah. What about Sunday? 384 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:55,097 Well, Sunday possession will be determined by a random number generator. 385 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,684 I will pick the digits one through three, Milhouse, four through six, 386 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:01,020 -and Bart will have seven through nine. -Perfect. 387 00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:04,273 Wait a minute. What about zero? 388 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,150 -Yeah. What about zero? -Yeah. 389 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,694 Well, in the unlikely event of a zero, 390 00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:11,905 possession will be determined by rock, scissors, paper competition. 391 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:13,282 Best three out of five, how's that? 392 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,242 -All right. -That's cool. 393 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,203 Excellent. Well, today being Saturday, 394 00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,080 gentlemen, I guess I'll be taking my comic and... 395 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,291 -Uh-uh-uh. -Nice try, Martin. 396 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,168 It almost worked, 397 00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,587 but tonight this comic book stays right here. 398 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,465 If the comic stays right here, then so do I. 399 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:30,466 Me too. 400 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:33,677 Fine. We're all going to stay here with the comic book. 401 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,638 It will be like a sleep-over. Yeah, a sleep-over. 402 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,933 That's what pals do, right? Real friendly-like. 403 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:43,353 (wind blowing) 404 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:47,149 I want to read it again. 405 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,650 Nice try, mister. 406 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,235 Milhouse, The acids in your hand 407 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:51,862 could damage the newsprint. 408 00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:53,906 We want to keep this comic forever 409 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,407 so the last one alive 410 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,285 will have the honor of being buried with it. 411 00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,496 What do you mean, "The last one alive"? 412 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,624 -I meant years from now. -Yeah, sure you did. 413 00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:05,125 Bart, don't push him. 414 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,753 I knew it-- you're both against me. 415 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:12,299 Nobody makes a sap out of Bartholomew J. Simpson. 416 00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,926 -Quit it! -You quit it. 417 00:18:14,009 --> 00:18:16,220 No, you quit it. 418 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,265 (all choking) 419 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,059 I thought you boys 420 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,561 might like some milk and microwave s'mores. 421 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:28,107 -(gasping) Thank you, Mrs. Simpson. -Thanks, Mom. 422 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,067 Sweet dreams, boys. 423 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:33,153 (all crunching ) 424 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,949 (thunder) 425 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,794 One more step, and you're a dead man. 426 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,587 I have to go to the bathroom, Bart. 427 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,756 Yeah right, so do I, 428 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,800 -but you don't see me getting up. -What's going on? 429 00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,553 Our dear friend Martin was trying to steal the comic book. 430 00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,012 Let's tie him up! 431 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:00,597 (thunder) 432 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,975 Bart, is this how you treat all your guests? 433 00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,435 Quiet, Piggy, or we'll stick an apple in your mouth. 434 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,437 We can't take any chances. We'll have to take turns watching him. 435 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,523 Okay. I'll go first. 436 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:11,483 Ah! So that's your little game. 437 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,194 Let old Bart get nice and drowsy 438 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,655 then when his back is turned, wham! 439 00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:20,325 -Well, it will not happen, see? -You're going crazy, Bart. 440 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,410 I'm telling your Mom. 441 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,536 Hey, Martin, tell him what we do with squealers. 442 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,663 I don't know. Is it worse than 443 00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,832 what you do with people who have to go to the bathroom? 444 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,500 You can't stop me. 445 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,919 The hell I can't. 446 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,254 (both grunting) 447 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:36,425 MARGE: Homer, it's really coming down. 448 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,135 Could you check on the boys? 449 00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:42,514 They're fine. 450 00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,814 -Whoa! -Yeow! 451 00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:52,816 Bart! The comic! 452 00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:56,278 Don't let go of me, Bart! 453 00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:00,699 Milhouse, it's not that far to the ground. 454 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,409 The rain's probably softened it up a bit. 455 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:05,913 No, Bart, no! 456 00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:08,040 You know, if you guys hadn't tied me up, 457 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,917 I could be saving the comic as we speak. 458 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,127 Shut up... shut up! 459 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,005 Help me, Bart. I didn't even want the comic. 460 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:19,009 I wanted Carl Yastrzemski with the big sideburns. 461 00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:21,637 (grunting) 462 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,138 (ripping) 463 00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:29,895 (sighs) 464 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,193 (growling) 465 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:37,486 (gasping) 466 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,488 (thunder clap) 467 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:43,533 (groaning) 468 00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,119 Boys, you better come in the house. 469 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:49,373 -You don't want to get the sniffles. -Oh, Mom. 470 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,375 Oh, now, come on. 471 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:54,378 Hmm. You can play your little tie-up game inside. 472 00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:56,838 I've got some cocoa on the stove. 473 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,757 Who wants imitation marshmallows? 474 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,509 -I do! -I do! 475 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,844 I'd raise my hand, Mrs. Simpson, if I could. 476 00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,848 (birds chirping) 477 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,016 (yawning) 478 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,770 D-oh! 479 00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,939 It's no use, fellas. 480 00:21:14,022 --> 00:21:15,857 Another comic book 481 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,777 has returned to the Earth from whence it came. 482 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:21,697 We worked so hard and now it's all gone. 483 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,156 We ended up with nothing 484 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,951 because the three of us can't share. 485 00:21:26,034 --> 00:21:27,286 What's your point? 486 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:29,454 Nothing. Just kind of ticks me off. 487 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:37,546 RADIOACTIVE MAN: Well, the world is safe again 488 00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:40,966 but... for how long? 489 00:21:45,721 --> 00:21:49,558 {\an8}♪♪ 490 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,660 Shh! 491 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:57,959 {\an8}CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.