1
00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:06,840
(SINGING) The Simpsons
2
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,644
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
3
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,106
(BARNEY BURPS)
4
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,193
(HORN BELLOWING)
5
00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:40,248
(PLAYING DIFFERENT TUNE)
6
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,587
(TIRES SCREECHING)
7
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D'oh!
8
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(BRAKES SCREECHING)
9
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,551
(SCREAMS)
10
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,102
(PANTS)
11
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,437
(GROWLS)
12
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,272
(BARKING)
13
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(TV S HATTE RS)
14
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A home and
garden show?
15
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(ALL GROAN IN
DISAPPOINTMENT)
16
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,999
Mom, you said we were
going to a videogame expo.
17
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You told me we were gonna
pick up trash by the freeway.
18
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You told me something
but I wasn't listening.
19
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I'm sorry for fibbing.
20
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Tell you what, if you don't like it,
you can complain all the way home.
21
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,473
Fair enough. Kids,
let's practice.
22
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(BLOWS)
23
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(VOCALIZING)
24
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,852
Well, that sucks.
25
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,021
There's a day we'll never get back.
I was so bored!
26
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,147
That was good.
27
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:50,652
But, Lisa, you're still complaining
from your throat, not your diaphragm.
28
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:54,197
(SINGING)
I was so bored
29
00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:01,371
Ooh! Look, a welcome mat
that tells you your weight.
30
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,832
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE:
Your weight is...
31
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,292
Warranty voided.
32
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,418
D'oh!
33
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,503
Oh, my God!
Look over there!
34
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:11,631
The Sprinkle King, Sprinkle
Queen and Deluxe Sprinkle King
35
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:16,886
are the Simon and Garfunkel plus one of
hose/nozzle dispersal arrays. Observe.
36
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,514
Hmm. Hmm.
37
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,475
(LAUGHING)
38
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,019
Classic hose play.
39
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,439
What is that
soothing sound?
40
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,107
Maybe it's beef stew.
41
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:34,404
(GASPS) Hot tubs!
Guys, what's it like?
42
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:35,488
(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)
43
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,574
Getting a backrub
from an orgasm.
44
00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,744
I want to buy your
fanciest hot tub.
45
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,788
You mean the
You Soup 5000.
46
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:46,374
Please, can I get it, Marge?
Please, please?
47
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,043
I can have all my
birthday parties in it.
48
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:51,880
I'll be less stressed. And
I'm really freaking stressed!
49
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:59,971
If I'm more relaxed, I'll be a better mom.
Can we? Can we?
50
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,349
Wait a minute. Who am I pleading with?
Beats me.
51
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,933
I don't know.
Please, please, please.
52
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,853
(ALL MOANING HAPPILY)
53
00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:10,648
Now I know why lobsters
let out that joyful squeal
54
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,442
when they're
dropped in the pot.
55
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:13,860
Uh-oh.
56
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,363
We're starting to
attract swingers.
57
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:19,824
All right!
Yeah.
58
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,409
Yes!
Look at that.
59
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,619
(ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST)
60
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:23,828
I'm on it.
61
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,747
Go back to
your day spas!
62
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,499
(DISCO STU HUMMING)
63
00:03:27,665 --> 00:03:28,666
(DISCO STU EXCLAIMS)
64
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,461
Maybe we
should get out now.
65
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,213
Interesting proposal.
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00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,508
Now with an opposing
point of view, bubbles!
67
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,759
LISA: Oh, yeah!
68
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:39,386
(ALL MOANING HAPPILY)
69
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,763
(ALL MOANING HAPPILY)
70
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,724
Hey, cool yourjets! We're
trying to get to sleep!
71
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,018
Hey, Flanders,
why don't you join us?
72
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:51,314
Afraid you'll get your mustache wet?
Well, yes.
73
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,691
Come on, man!
Baptize your buns!
74
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,404
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
75
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,489
(ALL MOANING HAPPILY)
76
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,911
(MURMURING CONTENTEDLY)
77
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,623
(NED CONTINUES MURMURING
CONTENTEDLY)
78
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,378
I feel like we're
forgetting something.
79
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:19,634
Mmm. There was a note on the fridge
marked "urgent." Funny word, urgent.
80
00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:22,262
Urgent. Urgent.
81
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,472
One of us should
go look at it.
82
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:28,309
Mmm. Probably a
reminder to relax more.
83
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:31,146
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
84
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,363
(GRUNTING)
85
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:44,742
I'm sorry, Abe. We just can't
wait for your family any longer.
86
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:48,621
But they're coming. My son even
put a note on his refrigerator.
87
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:51,291
Please wait.
I'm afraid it's too late.
88
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,209
On your mark,
get set...
89
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:56,171
No!
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00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,339
(GRUNTS)
91
00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,924
(CROWD CHEERING)
92
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,051
They're blanks, Abe.
93
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,059
(ALL MOANING HAPPILY)
94
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,604
Hey, what happened
to the bubbles?
95
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,772
You good-for-nothing
jellyfish!
96
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,942
While you were lying here soaking
like a bunch of dirty dishes,
97
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:22,989
I was lonelier than Estes Kefauver
at a meeting of Murder Incorporated!
98
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,826
That actually makes
sense! Look it up!
99
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,637
Sorry we missed your
special day, Grampa.
100
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,555
We'll definitely
go next year.
101
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:51,100
The thing is, I ain't got
much life left to live,
102
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:55,396
and a wasted day like today is
one I know I'll never get back.
103
00:05:55,813 --> 00:06:00,318
Oh, Dad, I never knew
you had dreams or emotions.
104
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:01,861
We'll make it
up to you.
105
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:06,074
We'll do something you've always
wanted to do but never got the chance.
106
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:09,327
Well, there are a few
things I was hoping to do
107
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,329
before I become
dust in a jar.
108
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,623
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who
said anything about a jar?
109
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,375
Anyway, I made a list.
110
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,460
Okay.
111
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,128
(HOMER READING)
112
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,797
"Pitch in the
Negro Leagues."
113
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,341
I can think of at least
two problems with that.
114
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,052
Can't read that one.
My thumb's over it.
115
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,429
(HOMER READING)
116
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,139
We'll do that one!
117
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:34,435
HOMER: This place is in Ireland?
ABE: That's right.
118
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,646
Now let's make
our reservations!
119
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,024
Lousy old man, making me
look up at an airplane.
120
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,779
(IRISH FOLK
MUSIC PLAYING)
121
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:47,991
PILOT ON P.A.: Welcome to Ireland,
also known as the Emerald Isle,
122
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,828
Potatoville, East Boston,
Freckle Bog, the Land of Poetry
123
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,538
and the Land of Bad Poetry.
124
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,624
And on your left,
youWlsee Western Ireland.
125
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,668
On your right,
you'll see Kathy Ireland.
126
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,295
Hi, everyone.
127
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,051
I'm finally back.
128
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:13,099
The days I spent at O'Flanagan's Pub
were the happiest ones of my life.
129
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:16,269
ALL: (SINGING) We drink
all day We're full of guilt
130
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,896
We know we're not Scots
'cause we don't wear a kilt
131
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We toss our darts
with a beer in our hand
132
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:26,321
We boil our food
till it tastes really bland
133
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:32,327
This is the life in Ireland
134
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Ireland!
135
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,832
(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
136
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,093
(BLEATING)
137
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:03,566
(S I N G I N G) Oh, this
is the life in Ireland
138
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,820
LISA: Dunkilderry
is so quaint.
139
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,740
It looks like the puzzle at
the pediatrician's office.
140
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:16,537
Get ready to step back to a simpler
age, filled with tweed caps,
141
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,499
cheerful sheep
and unending troubles.
142
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,296
What the...
143
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:27,256
Upscale boutiques?
144
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,384
Yup-rechauns!
145
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:30,468
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
146
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,636
Plasma screen TV.
147
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:32,970
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
148
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,305
Summer in Tuscany.
149
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:37,642
Well, Ireland is at the
forefront of Europe's tech boom.
150
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,565
In your face, Belgium!
151
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:48,903
Bart, if you hate Belgium so much,
maybe I should take your Tintins away!
152
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,488
No! I'll be good.
153
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,618
But my favorite
pub is still there.
154
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,293
This isn't the way I remember it!
Where's the customers?
155
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,547
Where's the singing?
Where's 20-year-old me?
156
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,091
Run! Run, you
big sack of glue!
157
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,385
Tom O'Flanagan?
Quiet!
158
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:16,806
They're in the home stretch now! Come on.
Come on. Move your fetlocks!
159
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,892
Damn it! Will you
ever win this race?
160
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,354
This broadcast is from 1979.
Yes.
161
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:26,399
I'm just an old man
yelling at me tapes.
162
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:31,946
I've got lots of time for that now
no one comes into me bar anymore.
163
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,908
(MISPRONOUNCING) It's been years
since I've sold so much as a pint.
164
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:37,118
Don't you
mean "pint"?
165
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,370
It's been so long I've
forgotten how to say it!
166
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:42,832
It's a joke to even call
this place a pube.
167
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,084
What happened,
Tom'?
168
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:48,171
Everyone got jobs,
that's what happened.
169
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:53,134
Sir, I brought my father thousands
of miles just to drink at your bar.
170
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:57,054
Do you mean it? Look, don't toy
with an old man's heart now.
171
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,015
Give me a beer
and a shot of whiskey.
172
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,478
I'll have one drink, one
cocktail and one booze, please.
173
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:04,604
Oh!
174
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:07,231
While your father and your
grandfather have a drink,
175
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,941
we're going
to see sights.
176
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,778
Hey, I just spent 10 hours on a plane.
I'm staying here.
177
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,404
They've got
German Krusty on TV.
178
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:14,822
(GREETING IN GERMAN)
179
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:19,368
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
180
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:22,997
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
181
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,499
(LAUGHING)
182
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,793
Such a beautiful
language.
183
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,796
That's not how a
family vacation works.
184
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:33,633
We do things together while
your father has fun without us.
185
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:35,802
All right, Tom,
pour me a drink.
186
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,095
We have this delicious
Australian Shiraz.
187
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,514
(SPUTTERS)
188
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,809
An Irish drink.
Fine.
189
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:48,898
Here's some Bushmills whiskey served in
a potato, floating in a Guinness stout!
190
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,150
(SPUTTERS ANGRILY)
191
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,319
I said an Irish drink!
192
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,780
That's better.
193
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:02,161
"The Giant's Causeway is the
result of a volcanic eruption."
194
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:06,457
Well, kids, isn't that an
informational fact? Kids?
195
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:10,169
Come back here!
196
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:11,712
(Q BERT THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
197
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,881
(VOICE SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
198
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:28,521
Guinness has been brewed since 1759.
Who'd like to know our secret recipe?
199
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:29,605
(ALL EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)
200
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,982
I'm not going to tell you.
201
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,066
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
202
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,026
Sure if I did, it
wouldn't be a secret.
203
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,903
MAN: Oh, yeah.
204
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,364
That concludes our tour.
WOMAN: She is great.
205
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:39,740
(MARGE HUMMING)
206
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,122
(GROANS)
207
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,374
Well, you may
know the ingredients,
208
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:51,294
but you don't know the ratio!
Fifty-fifty?
209
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,004
(SPUTTERS ANGRILY)
210
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:55,047
(FOG HORN BLOWS)
211
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,842
(MAN couemwe)
212
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:02,930
"At Mick Ellis Island, returning
immigrants who are sick of America
213
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,349
"are processed by
Irish authorities."
214
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:06,934
Frank Smith.
Name?
215
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,520
From now on, you're
Francis O'Shaunessey. Next.
216
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:12,398
Bill Jones.
Seamus Fitzpatrick. Next.
217
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:14,942
You're Liam Fitzpatrick and
you're brothers with him.
218
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:20,364
I said you're brothers.
I didn't say you got along.
219
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,580
They say if you kiss
the Blarney Stone,
220
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,916
you get the gift of gab,
which is great,
221
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:33,336
but I'm not sure I like the idea of
getting a gift in return for kissing.
222
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,671
What kind of a message is
that for Lisa and Maggie?
223
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,632
Those are my daughters.
But on the other hand,
224
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:41,761
America doesn't have any stones worth
kissing, except for Stone Phillips.
225
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:45,056
Do you have one of him here?
If so, he's our your him.
226
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:55,650
(SINGING) K-I-S-S-M-Y-A-S-S
spells kiss my ass
227
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,109
(LAUGHING)
228
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:01,364
BART: Fresh.
229
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,825
I'm gonna carve
me initials in it!
230
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:05,910
(GULPS)
231
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:08,788
(LAUGHS)
232
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:16,253
ALL: (SINGING)
This is the life in Ireland
233
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,464
(BOTH GRUNTING)
234
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:19,507
You okay, Dad?
235
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:23,135
I just had a nightmare that
I was back with your mother!
236
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:24,553
(ALL LAUGHING)
237
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,432
How I miss her.
238
00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:32,061
(BOTH SNORING)
239
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:37,316
Ah! There they are, Dunkilderry's
newest tavern keepers.
240
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,401
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
241
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,945
Well, last night you said you
never wanted to leave this pub,
242
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,906
so you bought it from me.
We what?
243
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:46,283
All these pictures
tell no lies.
244
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,955
There's you meeting with the loan
officer and the title insurance company.
245
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:55,042
Here's me replacing the window
sashes that had the termite damage,
246
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,128
as per the escrow
agreement.
247
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,839
I have to say,
for blind drunks,
248
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:03,342
you had an excellent knowledge
of Irish real estate law.
249
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,511
We bought
this dump?
250
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,055
You most
certainly did.
251
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:09,348
(HOMER GROANS)
252
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,474
ABE: What the...
253
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,601
(LAUGHING HEARTILY)
254
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,938
(COUGHING)
255
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,524
So long, suckers!
256
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:19,650
(LAUGHING)
257
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:25,281
Well, Dad, was there anything on your
list about being cheated by an Irishman?
258
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:26,699
Fourth one
from the bottom.
259
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,076
D'oh!
260
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,745
That takes care
of my next one.
261
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,789
(G ROWLS ANGRILY)
262
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,210
I never heard of
half this stuff.
263
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:42,715
This brandy is 50 years
old! Better toss it!
264
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:47,094
Hey, boy-o! How about
a tall cool one?
265
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,848
How about you, Green Sleeves?
lrishmen love to get drunk!
266
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,726
I'm in AA. Who are you?
Stuttering Fonzie?
267
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:54,810
(LAUGHS)
268
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,729
What about you,
Bicycle Pants?
269
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,482
I'm late for a teleconference
with Hong Kong, you fat gob!
270
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,067
Why,you“.
271
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,610
(GRUNTS)
272
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:03,819
Uh-oh.
273
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:06,989
Our first sale!
274
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,200
Our first refund.
275
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:14,455
Find any customers? Yeah!
Look at them crowding the bar!
276
00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:19,418
There's Sully and Mack, Jimmy D. and
Jimmy B. What can I get you, boys?
277
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:22,171
The usual?
We are so screwed!
278
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,219
It must be Bloomsday.
279
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,303
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
280
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,764
Every June 16, lovers of
James Joyce follow the route
281
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:35,142
traveled by Leopold Bloom
in the novel Ulysses.
282
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,728
Hmm. Let me make
a note of that.
283
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,022
Mmm-hmm.
284
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:43,984
What you're saying is, we've
run out of fun things to do.
285
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,111
Pretty much, yeah.
286
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,779
There's always something
to do in Ireland.
287
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:49,532
I'm trying to woo back a girl
that I met in a music shop.
288
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:51,534
Watch this, kids.
289
00:15:52,576 --> 00:15:55,704
(SINGING) I don't know you
290
00:15:56,205 --> 00:16:01,710
But I want you
all the more
291
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,879
Leave me alone!
I have a husband!
292
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,382
And quit sending her pianos!
293
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,973
Ireland doesn't like
pubs anymore.
294
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:18,394
It's as if Danish people stopped
liking sleek modern design!
295
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,480
Bite your tongue! That
will never everhappen!
296
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:22,857
Well, we need help,
297
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:28,612
someone who can make money with a bar
that has no customers and zero charm.
298
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,869
Moe, you shipped
yourself here?
299
00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:37,288
No. It's how you fly
coach on Delta now.
300
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,039
Moe, something
terrible has happened.
301
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,500
The Irish have become
hardworking and sober!
302
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,377
Here's how you
turn this place around.
303
00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:48,048
I let people do things in my
bar they can't do nowhere else.
304
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,926
You want a drink on a Sunday morning?
No problem.
305
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,720
You want to slow
dance with a goat?
306
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,848
I'll be doing a lot of things,
but judging ain't one of them.
307
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,392
Are you saying we
should break the law?
308
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,686
(SCOFFS) The law?
That jerk?
309
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:05,816
So what can't people
do in modern Ireland?
310
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,318
(LAUGHING)
311
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,281
Well, they're certainly liberal
when it comes to romance.
312
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:13,699
(GASPS)
313
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:14,783
(HOMER EXCLAIMS)
314
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:18,037
Sorry, but smoking in pubs
ain't part of the new Ireland.
315
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,538
Also, you can't
text while driving.
316
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,623
(GROANS)
317
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,042
What has happened
to the ways of old?
318
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:26,003
People can't smoke
indoors in Ireland!
319
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:28,756
Then you let them.
Open a smoke-easy.
320
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:32,718
Gentlemen, we have
a lot of work to do.
321
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,474
(IRISH FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
322
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:39,767
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
323
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:47,566
Ooh!
324
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,110
Moe, you were right.
Thanks.
325
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:54,073
Now I'm gonna go look for my grandfather
based on this childhood photo.
326
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,576
All I remember about him is he
was part of a complete breakfast.
327
00:17:58,285 --> 00:17:59,411
(CLEARS THROAT)
328
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:04,333
The day they banned smoking from
pubs, a little bit of Ireland died.
329
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:09,046
But thanks to these two sweet
Yanks, our lungs are black with joy!
330
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:12,883
To Homer and his da!
ALL: Homer and his da!
331
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:17,680
Well, Da, it looks like all
your "der" have come "ter."
332
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:21,016
Aw... My son's first stroke.
333
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:24,478
(ALL CHATTERING)
334
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:30,901
Look at all this euro dough. These
shamrocks sure love their tobaccy.
335
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,905
So it's a smoke-easy
you're running, then?
336
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:35,990
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
337
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,033
So it's escaping you're
thinking of, then?
338
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,411
I can't tell if those are
questions or statements.
339
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:43,747
So it's our syntax
you're criticizing, then?
340
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,374
Close her down, boys!
341
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,459
(CUSTOMERS MURMURING)
342
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,557
Throw them in
the paddy wagon!
343
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,934
I mean, the "us" wagon!
344
00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:06,729
(SIREN WAILING)
345
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,405
Son, this was
all my fault.
346
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,408
You were just trying
to make an old man happy.
347
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:22,202
Don't worry,
Dad. We'll get out.
348
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:25,164
America is the New York
Yankees of countries,
349
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,916
powerful and respected
until the year 2000.
350
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,920
Oh, son, you know how
I love a good analogy.
351
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,214
(CHUCKLING)
It was apt.
352
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:37,301
Let me say, I've always
admired the Irish,
353
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:41,847
Knute Rockne, Larry Byrd, and
especially Mr. Potato Head.
354
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:43,474
Go on.
355
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:47,394
But I ask you, who does
smoking actually hurt
356
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:50,439
except the smokers,
those around them
357
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,484
and the unborn children of the
pregnant women we let in free
358
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:56,278
on Expectant-Mothers-Drink-Free
Night?
359
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:57,488
(GROANS)
360
00:19:57,571 --> 00:20:00,741
So I hope you'll forgive
two well-meaning Americans
361
00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:06,038
for trying to take Ireland back to
the good old days of Angela's Ashes.
362
00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:07,289
Thank you.
363
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:08,540
(ABE CHUCKLES)
364
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,876
That was
absolutely terrible.
365
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,252
But fortunately
for you,
366
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,756
the punishment for your offense
is deportation and a small fine.
367
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:17,383
Thank you,
Your Honor.
368
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:21,303
And may I say, I'm glad I
could see Ireland again,
369
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,472
even if it isn't what
I remembered.
370
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:28,018
It got a lot nicer since we sent all
our incompetent half-wits to America
371
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,854
where you, for some reason,
made them police officers.
372
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,023
Top of the
morning to you.
373
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:36,568
Chief Clancy Wiggum here to pick up the
Simpsons and take them back to the...
374
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:37,736
(EXCLAIMS)
375
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:41,156
Jeez, that smarts! Better put
a little ouchie spray on it.
376
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,075
(SCREAMS)
377
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,455
Oh, boy! I better call
for some backup.
378
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,333
This is Unit One...
379
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,835
(GROANING)
380
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,840
Oh, God.
381
00:21:57,566 --> 00:21:58,567
English - US - PSDH