1 00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,631 (SINGING) The Simpsons 2 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,216 (BIRD CAWS) 3 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,677 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,053 (TIRES SCREECHING) 5 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,180 (SCREAMS) 6 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,723 Mmm... 7 00:00:26,443 --> 00:00:27,444 (LOUD CRASH) 8 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,282 My daughter's here for her first mani-pedi. 9 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:34,367 Mom, I'm glad you brought me here, 10 00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:39,456 but isn't it more important for a woman to be smart and powerful than beautiful? 11 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:44,211 A woman can be smart, beautiful, and powerful, like Queen Elizabeth l. 12 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:47,923 She had it all. Except the most important thing. 13 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,841 Please don't say "a man." 14 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:52,135 No! A husband! 15 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:55,472 The year was 1588, 400 years 16 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:59,059 before Kirk Gibson would hit his famous home run. 17 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,645 Queen Elizabeth ruled over all of England. 18 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,398 Every eligible bachelor in Europe wanted her hand in marriage. 19 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,901 Majesty, thy suitors await. 20 00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,070 I don't understand why I need a king. 21 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,404 So you can pump out a son 22 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,615 and then I don't gotta work for no broad no more. 23 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,200 My liege- 24 00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,662 Announcing Prince Ralph of Austria! 25 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,081 Off with my head! 26 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,207 Pass. 27 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,793 King Julio of Spain. 28 00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:28,213 Hello, Queenie baby. 29 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:31,925 Forget it. I've seen you making goo-goo eyes at my court jester. 30 00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:34,594 Well, I like a man who can make me laugh! 31 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,638 But for you, I'll make an exception. 32 00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:42,936 Hands off my harlequin! This is 1588, and his material is fresh and hip. 33 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:45,146 You have made a big mistake, lady! 34 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:49,651 His Excellency Sir Walter Raleigh. 35 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:52,821 Hmm... 36 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:56,700 Your Majesty, I have returned from the New World with a gift. 37 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:59,995 This healthful and slimming herb, tobacco. 38 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:05,750 Ooh! 39 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,711 (EXCLAIMS) 40 00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:11,006 If I ever have sex, this'll be great afterwards. 41 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,136 I'll show those uppity English food boilers. 42 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,221 What is the status of my armada? 43 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,349 A hundred and twenty of the finest killing machines ever built. 44 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:25,186 Ooh! Not bad. Not bad at all. Now take me to the real ones. 45 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,814 Those are the real ones. "Watch out, England." 46 00:02:27,897 --> 00:02:29,649 (IN ENGLISH ACCENT) "No! Have mercy, my lord!" 47 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:30,817 "Never." Guards! 48 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:33,695 Take him away and put things inside of him. 49 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:34,904 Nice things? 50 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,614 No. Not nice things. 51 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:43,705 Allow me. 52 00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:44,998 Ooh! 53 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:50,337 You have the strength of a plow horse but the charm of a cart horse. 54 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,506 SELMA: Treason! 55 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,468 How dare you make out under my crenelations 56 00:02:56,551 --> 00:03:00,388 while I make out not? Don't you know that I love you? 57 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,432 I've always loved you! 58 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,685 Which one of us are you talking to? 59 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:09,189 I'm not sure. Both! Neither! What difference does it make? 60 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,857 Take them to the Tower! 61 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,860 Whoa. Someone call Beowulf! Grendel got in again! 62 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:14,944 (GRUNTING) 63 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,155 It's you, Your Majesty. 64 00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,656 (CLEARS THROAT) 65 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,992 The Spanish Armada sails for England. 66 00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,744 Armada? What's "armada"? 67 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,412 Nothing. What's armada with you? 68 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:25,538 (LAUGHING) 69 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,290 Seriously, though, we're in real trouble here. 70 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,335 Come, Tea Biscuit. 71 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:31,419 (GRUNTING) 72 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,879 (NEIGHING) 73 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,055 The time of battle grows nigh. 74 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,351 MOE: So here's us, and a whole lot of them. 75 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:49,145 It's probably a little too early to be standing under this. 76 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:56,903 Lord Jesus, although our country turned Protestant for the sole reason 77 00:03:56,986 --> 00:04:00,115 that our fat, mean king could dump his faithful wife, 78 00:04:00,198 --> 00:04:02,826 we know you're on our side. 79 00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,911 So please destroy these horrible monsters 80 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,580 who believe your mother should be revered. 81 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:08,915 Amen. 82 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:17,507 Abandon ship! 83 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,176 (SCREAMS) 84 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,515 Normally, I love to see flaming dreamboats headed my way, 85 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,309 but not like this, baby! Not like this! 86 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,858 For destroying the Spanish Armada, 87 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,944 I dub thee "Sir" Sir Walter Raleigh. 88 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,197 And I grant you two my blessing. 89 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:49,038 Your Majesty, it's so kind of you to give up the one man you truly loved. 90 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,709 I don't need a man. For I have England! 91 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,252 Yeah. You keep telling yourself that. 92 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,172 (TOY SQUEAKING) 93 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,632 You keep soaking. We're going to Koo Koo R00. 94 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:02,135 Which in our language means nothing. 95 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,804 Lisa, you are going to look so pretty. 96 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:05,972 Thank you. 97 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:10,143 But I know a story of a dangerous obsession with female beauty. 98 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:13,229 It's called Snow White and the Seven... 99 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,440 Excuse me. The story you're about to tell 100 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:18,568 is the copyrighted property of the Walt Disney Corporation. 101 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,652 Can you sharpen these? 102 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:23,198 Excuse me, but Snow White is a fairytale from hundreds of years ago. 103 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:24,365 No one owns that. 104 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,618 Are there any dwarves in your story? 105 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,913 Yes. But they're my own original creation. 106 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:35,084 There's Crabby, Drunky, Hungry, Greedy, Lenny... 107 00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:36,628 Kearney! 108 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,630 LISA: And Doc...tor Hibbert. 109 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,423 (CHUCKUNG) 110 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,594 (SINGING) Ho-hi 111 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,013 ALL: H0-hi, hO-hi 112 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,516 It's off to work Ho-hi 113 00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,851 This song's not like any song you know 114 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:56,147 Ho-hi Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi 115 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:03,488 LISA: Little did they know their lives were about to be changed forever, 116 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,406 by a wicked queen. 117 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:10,203 HDTV on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? 118 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,873 You would do in a pinch, my queen. 119 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:17,418 But Snow White's the fairest I have seen. 120 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,922 Also, there's a weather girl on Channel 9 who's... 121 00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:22,131 (EXCLAIMING) 122 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,594 Bring me Snow White's heart in this box. 123 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,638 What'll I do with the rest of the body? 124 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:32,141 Put it in this box. Then you'll get your reward. 125 00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,478 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 126 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,356 (HUMMING) 127 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:44,904 Now turtle, I'll need you to get in the soup. 128 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,700 (EXCLAIMS HAPPILY) 129 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,535 (PANTING) 130 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:52,161 (SCREAMING) 131 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,413 (LAUGHING) 132 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,790 (SCREAMING) 133 00:06:57,333 --> 00:07:00,003 I... I cannot do it! 134 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:04,591 Run, lassie! Find wee little men and hide with them! 135 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,177 Now to fool the queen with a pig's heart. 136 00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,847 I... I cannot do it! 137 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,265 (sesame) 138 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:15,602 Maybe I'll make her a heart out of construction paper! 139 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:19,022 I... I cannot do it! 140 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,775 Let's see. Gingerbread house. 141 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,193 Grandma's house. 142 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,738 (CACKLING) 143 00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:29,866 Ah! Here we are. 144 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,369 (YAWNING) 145 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,204 All that walking made me sleepy. 146 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,836 This bed's too hard. 147 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,631 (CREAKING) 148 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,382 This bed's too soft. 149 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:52,055 And this bed is just 150 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,766 like the first one! Also too hard! 151 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:57,310 I guess I'll sleep in the one that's too soft. 152 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,395 (YAWNING) 153 00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:08,404 (SINGING) Ho-hi, ho-hi It's time to now get high 154 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,032 We'll take some shrooms and go to our rooms... 155 00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:12,116 (ALL GASP) 156 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:13,951 There's something in our house. 157 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,745 Let's put a pickax in its brain! 158 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,164 You're in marketing. Why do you even bring an ax? 159 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,707 If you were in marketing, you'd know. 160 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:24,921 (ALL GASP) 161 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,882 She's beautiful! 162 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:31,094 Maybe she's been placed under some kind of a curse. 163 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:34,013 And all that will wake her is the kiss of a handsome... 164 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,640 I'm awake! I'm awake, already! 165 00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:36,683 (SIGHS) 166 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:39,102 Guess it's you and me again, doorknob. 167 00:08:41,729 --> 00:08:42,772 Goodbye! 168 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:47,527 Now beware of the evil queen. She's a master of disguise. 169 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,778 She could be anyone. 170 00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,279 I'll be careful. 171 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:51,864 (LAUGHS) 172 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,449 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 173 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:04,460 No,no,no! That's too much! Go back outside! 174 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,548 Who are you? 175 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,049 Care for an apple? 176 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:13,553 Okay. I'll take a green one. 177 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,638 No! Take the red one. 178 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,890 (BOTH GRUNTING) 179 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,395 Take a bite, deary. 180 00:09:22,478 --> 00:09:23,980 (SCREAMING) 181 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:28,818 (CACKLES) 182 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:30,528 Uh-oh! 183 00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,530 You'll never take me alive! 184 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:35,742 Ooh! 185 00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:39,203 Herbivores! I'm so scared! 186 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,080 (SCREAMING) 187 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:47,628 LISA: So Snow White slept and waited for her prince to come. 188 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,213 But he never did. 189 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,341 Because a woman shouldn't have to depend on a man. 190 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,595 Snow White was brought back to life by a lady doctor. 191 00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,638 And she lived happily ever after? 192 00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:01,309 Well, she couldn't indulge in strenuous activities like handball, 193 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:02,935 but otherwise, she was fine. 194 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,228 That's nice. 195 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,608 Marge! I need some bribe money. 196 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,818 Well, don't say itsoloud. 197 00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:13,446 All I have are some dry-cleaning coupons. 198 00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:14,655 Deal. 199 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:16,407 Thanks, Marge. 200 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,075 But don't forget, there's still going to be a civil suit. 201 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:19,285 (SIGHS) 202 00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,412 Lisa, let me tell you the story 203 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:27,293 of a great woman held back by a not-so-great husband. Macbeth. 204 00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:31,005 Out, damn spot! Out, I say! 205 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,800 Marge, please. 206 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,344 If you don't like getting barbecue sauce out of a leotard, 207 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:39,055 why did you get into show business? Think before you do. 208 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,849 I wouldn't be stuck washing costumes 209 00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,227 if my husband had a better role. 210 00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:46,687 Well, I may be playing a tree, 211 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,898 but at least I'm getting my face out there. 212 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:50,942 (GROANS) 213 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,528 I thought I was marrying a man who could play Macbeth. 214 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:56,823 Hey, there's no way I could ever be as good as that guy. 215 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,075 Stars, hide your fires; 216 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:03,830 Let not light see my black and deep desires. 217 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,248 (MOANING) 218 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,959 Mel's like the son Laurence Olivier and John Gielgud 219 00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:11,254 always wanted but never had. But, oh, how they tried. 220 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:15,925 I think Mel would be happier as an understudy. 221 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,719 A six-feet-understudy. 222 00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,264 You're not suggesting murder? 223 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,183 Wouldst thou live a coward in thine own esteem 224 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:27,186 letting "I dare not" wait upon "I would"? 225 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:29,647 Whatever you say, sweetie. 226 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,150 (SNORING) 227 00:11:33,234 --> 00:11:34,527 Snore! 228 00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,238 Snore! 229 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,657 (GRUNTING) 230 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,201 Oh! A prop knife! 231 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:46,998 (GRUNTING) 232 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,457 (GROANING) 233 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,668 Out, out, brief candle. 234 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:53,212 Life's but a walking shadow. 235 00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:55,715 Why does everyone around here talk that crazy talk? 236 00:11:55,798 --> 00:12:00,052 That crazy talk is the work of the immortal bard, 237 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,346 William Shakespeare. 238 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:03,931 Well, if you see him in heaven, tell him he sucks. 239 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,725 (GROANS) 240 00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:11,230 As you all know, this afternoon, 241 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,609 the bone fell out of Mel's hair and beat him to death. 242 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,569 Let us observe a moment of silence. 243 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,821 Moment over. Homer, you got the lead. 244 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:26,787 Stay, you imperfect speakers, tell me more: 245 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,080 Um... 246 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:32,501 By Sinel's death I know I am thane of Glames. 247 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,253 Uh... 248 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:36,923 To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow... 249 00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:40,718 Today's Tuesday, so that would make it Friday, and then... 250 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,136 Shakespeare! 251 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,138 You don't even know your lines. 252 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:47,642 Conrad Birdie? Coming here to Sweet Apple? 253 00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,644 That's Bye Bye, Birdie. 254 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:53,105 Damn it, Morpheus! Not everyone believes what you believe! 255 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,566 That's the screenplay for The Matrix Reloaded. 256 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:56,651 D'oh! 257 00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,528 (ALL CHATTERING) 258 00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,822 I can't wait for the reviews! 259 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,953 "Tonight the Springfield Community Playhouse 260 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,580 "was bathed in the light of a brilliant new star... 261 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,124 "Dr. Hibbert as Banquo"? 262 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:13,501 Who the hell is Banquo? 263 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:16,379 He's the one getting the good reviews! 264 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,547 Which makes him the next one you've got to kill! 265 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,133 Wouldn't it be easier if I just took acflnglessons? 266 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:25,972 Screw your courage to the sticking-place, and we'll not fail! 267 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,641 That's inspiring! What's that from? X-Men 2? 268 00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:29,725 Macbeth! 269 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:30,935 Macwho? 270 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,019 (GROANS) 271 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,069 (GAS russme) 272 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,906 (LAUGHING) 273 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,830 (LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY) 274 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,212 (DR. HIBBERT LAUGHING) 275 00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:00,881 This number is for emergencies only. 276 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,136 (GROANS) 277 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,304 He who laughs last 278 00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,765 laughs dead. 279 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,436 "In last night's Macbeth, 280 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,397 "the best performance was Barney Gumble as Duncan, 281 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:20,109 "followed by Duffman as Macduff, Lenny Leonard as Lennox, 282 00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,862 "Eddie and Lou as the two soldiers without lines, 283 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:26,449 "then last, and least, the lead, Homer Simpson." 284 00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,660 Why do they write a new review of this play every single day? 285 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:33,372 All I heard was more names of actors you haven't killed! 286 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:36,000 Unless you're not man enough! 287 00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:38,044 No,dean I'm a man, dear. 288 00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,171 (FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) 289 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,050 (SCREAMS) 290 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,135 (SCREAMS) 291 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,596 (ALL GROANING) 292 00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,807 (SINGING) Killing makes me hungry 293 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,477 Eating makes me thirsty 294 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,063 Drinking makes me sleepy 295 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:02,151 Why did he have to kill everyone in their costumes? 296 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:05,279 It was you who killed us! You! 297 00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,406 No! It was Homer! 298 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:11,160 Your dark ambition guided his murderous hand! 299 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:14,163 No, I just encouraged him. 300 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,123 Encouraged by withholding sex! 301 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,167 Sex! 302 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,087 (ALL WAILING) 303 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,630 (SCREAMING) 304 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,217 (sesame) 305 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:32,431 Well, at least you can't nag me anymore. 306 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,811 That's where you're wrong. Get out on that stage! 307 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,020 (GRUNTS IN PAIN) 308 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:41,398 Okay, Homer. It's our last performance. 309 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,109 You're the only actor that's still alive, 310 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,860 and there's nobody in the audience. 311 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,654 This is your moment. 312 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:47,822 I'll be in my office 313 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,449 going over the books on my Subway Sandwich franchise. 314 00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,201 You call a sandwich maker an artist, 315 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,786 it's like aninvflafion to steal. 316 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,247 That guy's going nanknoonkbananas in there. 317 00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,415 It's my moment! 318 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,715 To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow, 319 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:10,553 creeps in this petty pace from day to day, 320 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,222 to the last syllable of recorded time. 321 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:18,102 And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. 322 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,856 Out, out, brief candle! 323 00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,316 Life's but a walking shadow, 324 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:28,904 a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, 325 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:30,823 and then is heard no more. 326 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:31,907 (APPLAUDING) 327 00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:38,414 Homie. You were brilliant. I knew you could do it. I knew it. 328 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:44,503 Now nothing will stop you from taking on all of Shakespeare's greatest roles. 329 00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:48,674 King Lear, Hamlet, Othello, Richard lll, 330 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:52,678 Henry IV, Part One, Henry IV, Part Two, Henry V, 331 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,721 Titus Andronicus. .. 332 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:54,805 (GUNSHOT) 333 00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:59,602 Me having to read all those plays would be the real tragedy. 334 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,151 That's it. Three stories. That's all we always tell. 335 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,614 Looks like Maggie wants a story, too. 336 00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,282 Ooh! 337 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,366 (MARGE READING) 338 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:18,621 Mom! Isn't that book the Bible of right-wing losers? 339 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:23,959 Yeah. But the guy on the book jacket is one sexy slice of beefcake. 340 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,211 QGROW LS PLAYFULLY'; 341 00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:29,673 So anyway, this is the story of Maggie Roarke, 342 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,801 an architect who refused to compromise. 343 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,598 Now children, while I do traffic school online, 344 00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,934 you'll be playing with blocks. 345 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:48,734 MARGE: Maggie's genius and creativity far exceeded that of the others. 346 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:51,445 And I'm not just saying that because I'm her mother. 347 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:55,032 But her teacher, Mr. Elsworth Toohey, 348 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:57,368 wanted every child to conform. 349 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,580 Banal. Very banal. Wonderfully pedestrian. 350 00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:07,169 This isn't right. Maggie, dancers shouldn't kick too high, 351 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,797 and buildings mustn't reach the sky. 352 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,507 (GRUNTS) 353 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:12,675 There! 354 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:17,304 Your rubble is still a little bit higher than the others, so let's just... 355 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,472 (GRUNTS) 356 00:18:18,555 --> 00:18:20,766 There. Welcome to the real world, baby. 357 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,727 MARGE: He would not let Maggie's creativity flower. 358 00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:01,015 Mediocrity rules! 359 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,855 All right, Maggie. Today is parent/teacher day, 360 00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:12,401 so I want everyone to see how uncreative and beaten down you've become. 361 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:16,697 That's right. You're beaten down. Yes, you are. 362 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,204 I don't know how you put up with all these kids, Toohey. 363 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,333 If I were you, there'd be a lot of strangled babies. 364 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,711 Now let's see what your children have clone, shall we? 365 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:34,757 Don't brace yourselves. You will believe your eyes. 366 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,260 (GASPS) 367 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,807 You will be tried as a toddler! 368 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,103 Babies and gentlemen of the jury. 369 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,521 (CRYING) 370 00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:53,609 This child's crime was to remind the rest of us that we are merely ordinary. 371 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,612 When a blade of grass rises above the others, do we applaud it? 372 00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,322 No! We cut it down! 373 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:03,160 I recommend nine time-outs served consecutively. 374 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,417 (CLEARS THROAT) 375 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,044 Throughout the ages, 376 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:14,922 the finger painter, the Play-Doh sculptor, the Lincoln Logger, 377 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,966 stood alone against the daycare teacher of her time. 378 00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,886 She did not live to earn approval stickers. 379 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,639 She lived for herself, that she might achieve things 380 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,016 that are the glory of all humanity. 381 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,478 These are my terms. I do not care to play by any others. 382 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:32,231 And now, if the court will allow me, it's naptime. 383 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:35,025 (YAWN S) 384 00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:40,447 MARGE: Maggie grew up to be a world-famous architect. 385 00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:43,409 Her building became one of the wonders of the world. 386 00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:51,708 And on the very top floor was a daycare center, 387 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:55,587 where every child was free to follow their dream. 388 00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:56,713 Because nothing is... 389 00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:59,299 (GASPS) Maggie, get away from there! 390 00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:01,468 Bad baby! 391 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:12,980 (SINGING) Ho-hi 392 00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:17,443 Ho-hi, ho-hi It's time to say goodbye 393 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,778 If Disney sues we'll claim their use 394 00:21:19,862 --> 00:21:24,533 Ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi, ho-hi 395 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:30,956 Ho-hi, ho-hi, there's nothing we won't try 396 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:33,292 We'll get take-out and then make out 397 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,046 We're bi, we're bi, we're bi, we're bi 398 00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:56,899 English - US - PSDH