1 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:12,637 (yells) 2 00:00:17,475 --> 00:00:19,352 (school bell ringing) 3 00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,439 (belches) 4 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,357 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,359 (yells) 6 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,115 (beeping) 7 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,330 (playing the blues) 8 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,002 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,006 D’oh! 10 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,340 -(tires screeching) -D’oh! 11 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,467 (grunts) 12 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,858 (alarm ringing) 13 00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:09,402 {\an8}♪ Every day she takes a morning bath ♪ 14 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,237 {\an8}♪ She wets her hair ♪ 15 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,741 ♪ Wraps a towel around her as she’s heading ♪ 16 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,326 ♪ For the bedroom chair ♪ 17 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:19,079 ♪ It’s just another day ♪ 18 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:22,165 -♪ Slipping into stockings, stepping into shoes ♪ -(gargling) 19 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,959 {\an8}This will be a good day. This will be a good day. 20 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,045 This will be a good day. 21 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:29,214 And five, and six... oh, yeah! 22 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:32,008 ♪ At the office where the papers grow... ♪ 23 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,928 {\an8}Your man is going to love those sexy new abs. 24 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,138 {\an8}♪ Drinks another coffee and she finds it hard ♪ 25 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,723 {\an8}-♪ To stay awake ♪ -(groans) 26 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,642 {\an8}♪ It’s just another day ♪ 27 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,854 ♪ Do-do-do-do do-do-do ♪ 28 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,606 ♪ It’s just another day ♪ 29 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:49,067 {\an8}♪ Do-do-do-do do-do ♪ 30 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:50,860 {\an8}(singing along): ♪ It’s just another day. ♪ 31 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,320 (laughs) Check it out. 32 00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:56,282 {\an8}That crazy lady’s singing a million-year-old song. 33 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,996 (school bell ringing) 34 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,331 {\an8}(sighs) 35 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,666 {\an8}Okay, Edna, remember: 36 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:07,377 if you can teach one kid one thing, 37 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,295 then today will be a success. 38 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,382 (electronic beeps and blips) 39 00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,509 {\an8}Now, class... 40 00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,386 {\an8}class. 41 00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,263 {\an8}Class, please pay attention! 42 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,640 {\an8}Text "Uncle". Text "Uncle". 43 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:27,647 (ring tones and electronic noise grow louder) 44 00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:41,161 (cacophonous noise) 45 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:42,370 {\an8}You’re children. 46 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:44,414 {\an8}Why do you all need cell phones? 47 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:45,999 -Safety. -Emergencies. 48 00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:47,792 -Safety. -Educational. 49 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:51,296 {\an8}(sighs) Could you at least set them to vibrate? 50 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:55,175 {\an8}(loud vibrating) 51 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,718 (vibrating grows louder) 52 00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,970 {\an8}That’s it: everything in the box. 53 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,225 No more gizmos in this class. 54 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:07,187 {\an8}They’re all going in the drawer with the biology frogs. 55 00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,314 (croaking) 56 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,817 {\an8}(lock clicking) 57 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:13,985 (students groaning) 58 00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,862 {\an8}Okay. We’ll call your bluff. 59 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,823 {\an8}Teach us-- using only the knowledge in your own head. 60 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,450 Hey, don’t worry. 61 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,036 We still have the good old classroom computer. 62 00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:25,788 Who wants to play Word Jammers? 63 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:32,212 (loudly booting up) 64 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,964 {\an8}My stroked-out grandfather has more memory than that thing. 65 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,216 {\an8}How's he doing? 66 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,051 {\an8}Better. Thanks. 67 00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,345 (muttering angrily) 68 00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:43,014 {\an8}How could Krabappel take my cell phone? 69 00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:46,517 {\an8}I’m only on month one of a 60-month plan. 70 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,478 {\an8}You know, Krabappel just needs to chill out 71 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,980 {\an8}and realize life is cool-- but how? 72 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,857 {\an8}(Homer giggling) 73 00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:59,948 {\an8}(drunkenly): Okay. Now I’ll be the dog, 74 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,908 {\an8}and you be the daddy. 75 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,159 {\an8}(barks) 76 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,579 {\an8}(Santa’s Little Helper barking) 77 00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,041 {\an8}Hmm. You know, 78 00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:12,835 {\an8}my dad is a lot more fun after a few beers. 79 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:16,965 {\an8}Maybe Mrs. K would be nicer if we "Irish up" her coffee. 80 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,007 Put blood in it? 81 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,759 No, booze. 82 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:21,052 {\an8}First the easy part. 83 00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:22,762 {\an8}Kids, get some liquor. 84 00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:26,641 (Tchaikovsky’s "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" plays) 85 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:34,983 Huh? 86 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,280 (all cheering) 87 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,377 Hurry! She’s almost done flirting 88 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,254 with the vending machine guy. 89 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:58,631 (laughing) 90 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,522 What if she tastes the booze? 91 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,107 Relax. 92 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:17,817 Hazelnut creamer covers all sins. 93 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:18,943 (slurping) 94 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,446 Ah. 95 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,573 And that’s why I found Good Night, Gorilla 96 00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:25,950 to be the perfect summer beach read. 97 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,328 Two stars for you. 98 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,829 And an extra, 99 00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:33,750 ’cause you’re going to have a hard life. 100 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,960 ♪ This old man, he played one ♪ 101 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:39,714 ♪ He played knickknack on my (hiccups) thumb. ♪ 102 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,640 You look tired. 103 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,685 Maybe you need some more coffee. 104 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,147 Ah. 105 00:05:57,815 --> 00:06:01,736 (giggling drunkenly) 106 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:02,862 Dizzy. 107 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:05,448 (students giggling) 108 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,329 ♪ You’ll be going back to Denmark ♪ 109 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,706 ♪ Spain and Uruguay ♪ 110 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,626 ♪ And we promise that we’ll write you ♪ 111 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,753 ♪ But you know that that’s a lie ♪ 112 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:22,423 Hey! You know why they call it a choir. 113 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:26,427 Because "choir" we listening to this crap? 114 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,888 (grunts) These panty hose are all twisted up. 115 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,808 Edna, please! Even the union can’t protect you from this. 116 00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,272 Give me one night, Dewey. 117 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,149 I’ll get you off Broadway. 118 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,360 -Never! -Edna, let’s go. 119 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,154 Uh-oh. 120 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,532 -Do you think we went too far? -Nah. 121 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:50,868 Booze only makes you do things you already wanted to do. 122 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,579 I’m queen of the world! 123 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,789 -Oh! -(crashing) 124 00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,082 (Krabappel groans) 125 00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,634 I’m so sorry. 126 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,428 I really don’t know what happened. 127 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,055 You made quite a nanny goat of yourself yesterday. 128 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,724 I know I did, but I don’t know why. 129 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,227 (sighs) This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, 130 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,395 but I’m letting you go. 131 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,106 Seymour... 132 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,150 I’m going to cry. 133 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,862 Here. Take my hanky. 134 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,407 I’m working on my magic act for the Faculty Follies. 135 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:33,202 But right now, I don’t feel much like follying. 136 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,538 Could I have a moment alone? 137 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,081 Of course. 138 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,921 There’s a form to extend your health insurance on my desk. 139 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,635 I never wanted her to get fired. 140 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,430 I bet it was that hamster medicine we added 141 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:54,182 that put her over the edge. 142 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:57,393 Maybe I should tell Skinner that it was our... 143 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,061 Needle scratch! 144 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,938 My name is Zachary Vaughn. 145 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,524 I just got my masters in education 146 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:06,652 from Tufts University, and you are my first class ever. 147 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,488 An M.E.D. from Tufts? 148 00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,031 Nice. 149 00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:12,950 But why talk when I could text? 150 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,120 -Our cell phones! -Our Blueteeth! 151 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,914 My tip calculator! 152 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,418 (electronic tones sounding) 153 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,338 STUDENTS: Whoa! 154 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:27,423 That text was totally worth 155 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,801 the 15 cents it cost to receive it. 156 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,053 BART: Then, Zach Skyped us, 157 00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,262 live-blogged our spelling bee 158 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,139 and friended us on Facebook. 159 00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,975 I thought you were studying the Lincoln-Douglas debates. 160 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,977 You mean the L Man/D Dog flame wars. 161 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,771 (groans) 162 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,357 I’m glad you’ve got such a stimulating substitute, 163 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,150 but I’m worried about Mrs. Krabappel. 164 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,902 Oh, no worries. 165 00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,404 I heard on the four-square court she’s doing great. 166 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,698 No one even plays four-square anymore. 167 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:53,950 They just gossip. 168 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,204 Ah... 169 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,082 All right. 170 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:04,001 Who can tell me what the Monroe Doctrine was? 171 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,836 Oh, oh! 172 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,588 The policy of President Monroe that America 173 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,966 -has the right as a nation to... -Wait, wait, wait. 174 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,717 Are you telling me you memorized that fact 175 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,137 when anyone with a cell phone can find it out in 30 seconds? 176 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:16,764 I-I... 177 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,684 I’ve crammed my head full of garbage! 178 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,852 Yes, you have. 179 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:23,896 What are these? 180 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,356 Those are smiley stickers. 181 00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,817 Mrs. Krabappel used to put them on our papers 182 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,443 as a reward for good work. 183 00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,028 I run a paperless classroom. 184 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,280 Check this out. 185 00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:36,951 But this is just nonsense punctuation. 186 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:40,288 Oh, my God! 187 00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,124 Anybody want to return these caveman kudos 188 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:44,750 to Mrs. Krabappel? 189 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,919 Uh, sure. It’s sort of on my way home. 190 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,629 I can check up on the old girl. 191 00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:52,800 She probably landed a job at some fancy-schmancy prep school. 192 00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,929 Make way for the new freshman. 193 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:59,932 Where do I find the books, the booze and the broads? 194 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,561 Hey, Dean, how about a little privacy? 195 00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,396 I’ve got to matriculate. 196 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:06,647 (laughs halfheartedly) 197 00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:07,773 -(doorbell rings) -Door’s broken. 198 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,776 Mrs. K, is everything all right? 199 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,278 Sure. (coughs) 200 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,030 Never better. 201 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,365 (hacking) 202 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,034 I know, Bart. 203 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:21,329 It’s pretty sad to see your teacher fallen so low. 204 00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,122 (laughing) 205 00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:26,083 It’s the movie. It’s so funny. 206 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,881 Sir, this is a benefit to increase our endowment. 207 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,050 Honey, if we increase your endowment any more, 208 00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,551 we’ll all be in the shade. 209 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,095 Hey, you’re all right. 210 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,306 Hey, everyone, dessert’s on me. 211 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,474 (chuckles) 212 00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,184 (laughing) 213 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:44,977 Sorry. Sorry. 214 00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:55,613 Thanks for bringing over the smiley stickers, Bart. 215 00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,281 They really liven the place up. 216 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,408 Mrs. K, you’ve got to get out of here. 217 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,993 When was the last time you washed your hair? 218 00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,953 Hmm. Two weeks ago? 219 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,413 Well, that’s better than me, 220 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,248 but still, you’ve got to get out. 221 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,750 What’s the point? 222 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,377 Out of work, I’m out of money. 223 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,003 No man wants me, except Disco Stu. 224 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,340 Disco Stu is about more than just disco. 225 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,966 I’m also-- ha! -- 226 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,052 super Christian! 227 00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,972 Okay, look, there’s a big football game on tonight, 228 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,724 so we can get this thing over real quick. 229 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,268 Show me some of Bart’s artwork, give me a little false hope, 230 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,313 and here’s a little something to help with his grades. 231 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,108 I’m not asking for A’s, just incompletes. 232 00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,068 Mr. Simpson, I don’t need your money. 233 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,945 Bart can definitely be a challenge, 234 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,822 but, yeah, I like challenges, and he... 235 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,573 (laughing): ...he’s got a wild sense of humor. 236 00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,117 Look at this picture he drew. 237 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,326 (laughs) 238 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,869 It will be his last birthday 239 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,621 if he keeps drawing pictures like this. 240 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,623 -What? -I said, are there any areas 241 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,126 that we, his parents, can improve upon? 242 00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:52,795 Yes. Just one: relax. 243 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,880 You’re clearly a caring father. 244 00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,217 (crying) 245 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:01,053 You’re the first teacher that ever got me. 246 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:02,471 (crying) 247 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,057 Let it out. Let it out. 248 00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:08,102 (sobbing) 249 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,604 (loud sobbing) 250 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,109 (very loud sobbing) 251 00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:18,696 Keep it in. Keep it in. 252 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,699 (very loud sobbing) 253 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,495 Two hot chocolates with hot fudge boost. 254 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,205 Milhouse... (sighs) 255 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,623 ...we ruined Edna’s life. 256 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,292 Maybe we can get her job back. 257 00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,793 But we can’t lose Zach. 258 00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,796 Look at the awesome video he just e-mailed me. 259 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,508 Check out the multiples of seven, y’all. 260 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,303 ♪ ♪ 261 00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:48,893 There’s got to be some other way to help Mrs. K. 262 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:51,395 Maybe we can find an answer in this bookstore. 263 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,646 Bookstores don’t have answers. 264 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,774 They just have creepy guys sitting in easy chairs 265 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,233 at the end of aisle ways. 266 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,986 I ain’t paid for Doris Kearns Goodwin in my life, 267 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:00,946 and I ain’t gonna start now. 268 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,365 Oh, that’s some good Doris there. 269 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,742 You’re right. 270 00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,702 I guess no one’s ever written a book 271 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,121 to help a middle-aged woman turn her life around. 272 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:13,292 Excuse me. I believe you boys are looking for... The Answer. 273 00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,127 What’s The Answer? 274 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:20,132 Only the best-selling book, slash, DVD since the Bible. 275 00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,092 WOMAN (with Australian accent): My life was over. 276 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:25,095 I’d lost my job, my husband left me. 277 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:27,681 I had to sleep in a kangaroo’s pouch. 278 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:30,810 And then I found... The Answer. 279 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:33,354 ("O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana plays) 280 00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,731 The Answer was discovered 281 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,192 by the philosophers of ancient Greece, who hid it 282 00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:40,736 under a rock where it was discovered by the knights 283 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,655 of King Arthur, who placed it in a bottle 284 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,657 and set it in the ocean, 285 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:47,243 where it was found by Pat Sajak. 286 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,623 {\an8}These great men knew The Answer. 287 00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:02,132 {\an8}The Answer is the secret to achieving your heart’s desire. 288 00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:05,052 Learn The Answer, and change your life. 289 00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:06,762 ANNOUNCER: Available wherever dubious, 290 00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,806 quasi-scientific self-help books are sold. 291 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,224 Ah. 292 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,061 So, um, you’re wearing the same bathrobe 293 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,230 you were the last time I was here, huh? 294 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:17,439 That’s cool. 295 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,024 Bart, you’re a good kid. 296 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,526 You’re the only one who came to see me. 297 00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:22,236 Well, Mrs. K, 298 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,072 I have just the book, slash, DVD for you-- The Answer. 299 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,533 "This book uses the ancient power of wanting." 300 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:29,201 That makes absolutely no sense. 301 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,871 Hey. "Just because we don’t understand electricity, 302 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,248 doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy its benefits." 303 00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:35,875 But we do understand electricity. 304 00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,627 Every positively charged nucleus is... 305 00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,504 Cut it out. You’re not a teacher anymore. 306 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,131 Way to cheer me up, kid. 307 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,591 (coughing) 308 00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,676 Look, Mrs. K, I’m a Simpson, 309 00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:47,344 and a Simpson never gives up 310 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,388 until he’s tried at least one easy thing. 311 00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,015 Let me help you. 312 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:52,683 Aw. 313 00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,020 So, did you write your dream on the... 314 00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,397 "index card of fate"? 315 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,858 Yes, but it still seems... 316 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,986 stupid. 317 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,864 reading: 318 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,282 Great idea! 319 00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:09,825 Now, let’s see. 320 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,952 "Break your dream down into smaller wishes, 321 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:15,080 then break those down into wish-able actions." 322 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:16,957 Bart, this is starting to sound 323 00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:18,918 like one of those loony self-help books. 324 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:22,046 Loony? Would a loony self-help book come with a magic 325 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,048 question mark inside? 326 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,507 Huh? Huh? Huh? 327 00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,763 All thanks to The Answer! 328 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:32,514 Well, opening this store was a lot of work, 329 00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,308 but your faith in me got me through it. 330 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:36,185 And it looks like 331 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:37,519 you got your own index card of fate. 332 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,980 -What’s your dream? -Nothing, nothing. 333 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,691 Well, I’m sure it’ll come true. 334 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:51,158 (humming) 335 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,035 One cran-bran for the Flan-man. 336 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,912 My pleasure. 337 00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,121 What did he want? 338 00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,665 Beats me. 339 00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,291 I just gave him a banana. 340 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,793 Well, thanks again, Bart. 341 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:03,754 This store has definitely turned my life around. 342 00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:06,048 Yup. I’m off the hook now. 343 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,424 What do you mean by that? 344 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,134 Well, I guess I can tell you, 345 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:12,221 ’cause everything worked out for the best. 346 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,807 Everything? What everything? 347 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,058 (laughs) 348 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,643 Well, it’s funny, really. 349 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,895 I’m the one who put booze in your coffee 350 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,814 and got you fired. 351 00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:23,148 (laughs) 352 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,692 You did what?! 353 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,319 Please don’t kill me. 354 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,075 You ruined my life! 355 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,577 It’s your fault I have to work at this stupid muffin store. 356 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,329 But this place was your dream! 357 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,456 My real dream was to be a teacher, 358 00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,333 and you got me fired! 359 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,628 Now I’m up to my eyeballs in debt with this stupid store, 360 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,965 and four more muffin stores just opened on this block! 361 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,016 No! 362 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,935 But-But-But you found The Answer! 363 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,189 No! I wrote a phone number in there! 364 00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,067 No matter what you’ve done, I always thought 365 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,319 there was a spark of decency in you, Bart Simpson, 366 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,821 but I was wrong. 367 00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:13,157 I never thought I’d say this to a child, 368 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,952 but you are bad on the inside. 369 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,120 (gasps) 370 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,081 (humming) 371 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:24,043 Dad, am I bad on the inside? 372 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:27,129 No... but the layers of bad on your surface 373 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:28,922 go almost all the way to the center. 374 00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:32,468 But you think there’s, like, a kernel of good inside me, right? 375 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,094 Hmm. I don’t know. 376 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,596 Kernels are kind of big. 377 00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:38,348 Oh! Listen, I was thinking. 378 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,020 If someone did a really bad thing to one teacher, 379 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,856 and then did the same bad thing to another teacher 380 00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,984 to get the first teacher her job back, would it be okay? 381 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,528 When you say teacher, do you really mean parent? 382 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,489 No, I mean teacher. 383 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,074 Great. Go nuts. 384 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:57,284 But remember, we never had this discussion. 385 00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,036 What discussion? 386 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,412 The one we just had 387 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,915 about you doing bad things, you stupid kid! 388 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,626 Oh. 389 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,361 So, you see, it was my fault. 390 00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:33,821 I got Mrs. Krabappel drunk. 391 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:35,948 Then I was gonna do the same thing to Zack, 392 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:38,033 but I decided it was better to just tell the truth. 393 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,995 Bart, you deserve a reward for telling the truth. 394 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:45,124 And that reward will be in the form of a severe punishment. 395 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,876 Doesn’t matter, as long as Edna gets her job back. 396 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,504 Sorry, Bart, but I can’t just get rid of a teacher 397 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,089 if he’s doing a good job. 398 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,507 Or an adequate job. 399 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,634 Or just shows up and doesn’t touch anyone. 400 00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:57,719 ZACK (chanting): I hate children! 401 00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,429 I hate children! 402 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:02,266 Children suck! Children suck! 403 00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:07,146 What the...? Faculty lounge talk out in the halls?! 404 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,315 I hate children! I hate children! 405 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,818 You and you and you and you and you! 406 00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:14,736 (slurring his speech): You are wasting your lives. 407 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,947 Hilary Swank didn’t graduate high school. 408 00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,407 She won two Oscars. 409 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,451 And one of them she deserved. 410 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,245 Bart, you said you didn’t get him drunk. 411 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,164 I didn’t. I swear! 412 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,623 No, he’s right. 413 00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,959 I mixed a little vodka in with my Blue Bronco. 414 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:33,338 Does anybody else want to ride the indigo pony! 415 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,048 Is there extra credit in it? 416 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:38,260 Oh, they’re gonna eat you alive at Cal Tech, boy. 417 00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,179 Alive! 418 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,847 -(laughs) -Oh! 419 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,432 Oh, yeah! 420 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,184 ♪ This place is a prison! ♪ 421 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,852 ♪ Dow, dow ♪ 422 00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,854 ♪ All you kids are screwed! ♪ 423 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,230 ♪ Dow, dow ♪ 424 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,024 ♪ Kids and vodka! ♪ 425 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:53,317 Yeow! 426 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,694 (laughing) 427 00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:58,322 It’s always the good ones that go crazy the fastest. 428 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,073 Get off me! 429 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:02,868 You can get rid of me, but you can’t get rid of the truth, man! 430 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:05,078 This school is a glorified hamster wheel 431 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,206 run by incompetent bureaucrats 432 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:08,916 who can get you through a test, 433 00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:11,001 but you will fail the test of life! 434 00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:13,754 Children, fingers in your ears and make the la-la sound. 435 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:18,342 -♪ La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la... ♪ -ZACK: (muffled arguing) 436 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,639 Only alcohol can make life bearable. 437 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:26,391 You must drink! Always drink! 438 00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:32,481 Well, class, I’ve got to say I’m glad to be back. 439 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,942 -And there’s no hard feelings? -Nope. 440 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,694 Now, everyone enjoy one of my yummy muffins. 441 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:42,032 -But it’s stale. -Eat the muffin. 442 00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:50,874 WOMAN: A simple school teacher 443 00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:54,086 found fulfillment and muffin-based revenge 444 00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:56,964 all thanks to... The Answer. 445 00:20:57,047 --> 00:21:01,718 ("O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana plays) 446 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:49,891 (people talking) 447 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:51,476 Shh! 448 00:21:53,854 --> 00:21:55,856 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem