1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,256 CHORUS SINGS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,138 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,227 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:22,313 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,816 (whistle blows) 6 00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,860 (yells) 7 00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:32,449 (beeping) 8 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:44,002 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:52,802 Ooh! 10 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,637 (gunfire) 11 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,431 (tires screeching) 12 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:01,102 (horn honking, Grampa shouts) 13 00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:05,899 D'oh! 14 00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:06,775 (tires screeching) 15 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:07,692 (grunts) 16 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,820 ♪ On the twelfth day of Christmas ♪ 17 00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,405 ♪ My true love gave to me ♪ 18 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,074 ♪ 12 Grampas grumbling ♪ 19 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,284 -♪ 11 Barneys belching ♪ -(belches) 20 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,660 ♪ Ten Lennys leaping ♪ 21 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,370 ♪ Nine Carls dancing ♪ 22 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,872 ♪ Eight Moes a-milking ♪ 23 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,373 ♪ Seven Selmas smoking ♪ 24 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,084 ♪ Six Flanders praying ♪ 25 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:27,420 ♪ Five golden Frinks ♪ 26 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,047 ♪ Four crawling nerds ♪ 27 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,465 ♪ Three-eyed fish ♪ 28 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,050 ♪ Two special Ralphs ♪ 29 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:36,805 ♪ And a Maggie in a snugglie. ♪ 30 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,814 {\an8}(Bart and Milhouse laughing) 31 00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:50,068 {\an8}So, what prank are you going to lead off with? 32 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:51,569 {\an8}The exploding pen. 33 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,114 {\an8}Don't think I've heard of it. 34 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,406 {\an8}(groans) 35 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,158 {\an8}Let the games begin. 36 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,327 {\an8}(all laughing) 37 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,959 {\an8}(laughing stops) 38 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,630 {\an8}(laughter resumes) 39 00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:20,223 {\an8}(kids cheering) 40 00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:32,694 {\an8}(engine stalling) 41 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:37,866 {\an8}(exclaims) 42 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,871 {\an8}(kids cheering) 43 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,873 {\an8}(Milhouse screams) 44 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,458 {\an8}Simpson, that is a rebuilt Yugoslavian engine. 45 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,294 {\an8}There isn't even a Yugoslavia anymore! 46 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,879 {\an8}Bring it back at once! 47 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,547 {\an8}You're the boss. 48 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,549 {\an8}(crashing) 49 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,217 {\an8}(laughing) 50 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,719 {\an8}(groaning) 51 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,721 {\an8}(grumbling): Stupid punishment. 52 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:02,348 {\an8}I hate hard work, unless it's on pranks. 53 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:05,894 {\an8}Shiny enough to see Skinner's ugly face. 54 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:06,895 {\an8}(Bart screams) 55 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,396 {\an8}Come with me. 56 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,025 {\an8}I'll grill your cheese yet, boy. 57 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,068 {\an8}You weren't the first prankster to destroy 58 00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,070 {\an8}the car I rent from mother, and you won't be the last. 59 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,864 {\an8}-"Rent"? -Rent to own. 60 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,866 {\an8}Just 35 more payments, and it's halfway mine. 61 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,452 {\an8}The point is, I've seen hooligans like you come and go. 62 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,913 {\an8}You're all just a big blur of short pants 63 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,247 {\an8}and sinister smiles. 64 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,583 {\an8}Well, maybe so, but I'm the best. 65 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,084 {\an8}(chuckles) 66 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:31,461 {\an8}The best of your era, maybe. 67 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,755 {\an8}Are you saying was worse than me? 68 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,340 {\an8}(scoffs): Way worse. 69 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,507 {\an8}Anyway, think no more about it. 70 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,800 {\an8}You're dismissed. 71 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:39,135 {\an8}Wait! Wait! If there's someone worse, 72 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,470 {\an8}I have to know who he is. 73 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,763 {\an8}"He"? 74 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:42,722 {\an8}It's a she? 75 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:44,474 {\an8}Just kidding, it's a guy. 76 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,808 {\an8}(both laughing) 77 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,852 {\an8}But let's not dwell on a mysterious figure 78 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,063 {\an8}from the past who was your superior in every way. 79 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:50,980 {\an8}Out you go. 80 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,653 {\an8}Milhouse, there was a guy who pulled 81 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,112 {\an8}even bigger pranks than me! 82 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,824 {\an8}Wow! Imagine his sidekick. 83 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,827 {\an8}(growling) 84 00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,915 {\an8}(inhales) 85 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,751 {\an8}Man, if he lost that giant inhaler, 86 00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,504 {\an8}he'd really be in trouble with his parents. 87 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,506 MARGE: Hmm. 88 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:22,053 KIDS (on tape): ♪ Tubs are for bath-time and water is splashy fun ♪ 89 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:26,266 ♪ But there's one thing that must never be done ♪ 90 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,184 MARGE (singing along with tape): ♪ Poop in the tub ♪ 91 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,270 ♪ Poop in the tub ♪ 92 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:33,898 ♪ I'm not gonna poop in the tub. ♪ 93 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,566 MARGE: Okay, everyone! 94 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:36,734 Snack time! 95 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,569 {\an8}I've got milk and cookies. 96 00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,905 {\an8}-Hydroxeos?! -(all gasping) 97 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,824 {\an8}Marge, how could you?! 98 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:45,368 {\an8}Those cookies are full of high fructose corn syrup 99 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,328 {\an8}and partially hydrogenated oils. 100 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,747 {\an8}Have you even read the books I've read? 101 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,207 {\an8}But this is from the Kwik-E-Mart. 102 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,834 {\an8}You and your husband work there. 103 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,670 {\an8}I would sooner pour the polluted water of the Ganges 104 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,630 {\an8}down their gullets than give them this carton 105 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,716 {\an8}of cow cancer you call "milk." 106 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,218 {\an8}Sorry. I didn't know. 107 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,013 {\an8}Marge, until you start serving healthy food, 108 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:08,057 {\an8}the Midday Mommies are pulling you from snack rotation. 109 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,600 {\an8}(gasps) 110 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,893 {\an8}SELMA: Hydrogenated, ugh! 111 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:17,775 {\an8}Mm-hmm. 112 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,527 {\an8}A prankster that awesome 113 00:05:19,610 --> 00:05:21,237 {\an8}must've made the school paper. 114 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,033 {\an8}Hmm. Lis, 115 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,534 {\an8}I just discovered something weird. 116 00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:28,244 {\an8}Ten years ago, this paper didn't publish 117 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,663 {\an8}for two whole weeks. 118 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:36,127 {\an8}Now, before the gap, look at Skinner. 119 00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:39,088 {\an8}LISA: Hmm. 120 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,174 {\an8}And here he is after the gap. 121 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,385 (Lisa groans) 122 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:47,138 Hmm, something must've happened during those two weeks 123 00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:50,933 to turn Skinner from cool to, as you would say, "tool." 124 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,143 I know what happened: 125 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,062 the ultimate prank. 126 00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:58,775 A prank that changed Skinner from cool to tool. 127 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,443 Is that a backhoe behind him? 128 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,819 Huh. 129 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,112 It is! 130 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,365 -Zoom in and enhance. -Mm. 131 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,284 Willie! 132 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:09,619 He must know the answer. 133 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,329 Before you go, can you distribute 134 00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:12,872 these newspapers throughout the school? 135 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:15,917 Well, I'd be a pretty lousy brother if I didn't. 136 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,670 Willie, I know you witnessed 137 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,756 the most awesome prank since creation. 138 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,049 Can you tell me about it? 139 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:24,884 I'll nae speak to ye 140 00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:27,512 of those dark times, Bart Simpson. 141 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,889 But if there was a more awesome dude than I, 142 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,558 I've got to know who he was, what he did 143 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,352 and how many days detention he got. 144 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,895 Something happened. 145 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:38,731 Something that changed Skinner and you. 146 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,233 I haven't changed! 147 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,276 I've always been Swim Teacher Willie 148 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,611 and I always will be! 149 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:45,113 See, oh... 150 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:46,864 All right, I'll tell ya. 151 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,951 Years ago, this school had a pool. 152 00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:54,914 I was an eager, young swim coach, teaching American youth 153 00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:58,418 the revolutionary Aberdeen crawl. 154 00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,086 It was a talented group, and we were 155 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,380 all set to go to the state finals. 156 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,341 I shaved and waxed the boys myself. 157 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:09,971 Then came the Night of the Wigglers. 158 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,681 What an awesome day! 159 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,184 BOY: Yo, Skin-man! Little help? 160 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,644 Right back at you, Jason. 161 00:07:16,727 --> 00:07:18,438 -Stay in school. -I will. 162 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,315 I am so stoked for my daily swim. 163 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,817 (whistling) 164 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,236 Had he stopped whistlin' and looked down, 165 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:27,530 the world wouldn't have changed that night. 166 00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,950 But he didn't, and it did. 167 00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,916 Worms! 168 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:44,130 (muffled screams) 169 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,479 (muffled protests) 170 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:02,690 He spent all weekend in that crypt full of creepy-crawlies. 171 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,525 Monday was Teacher Development Day, 172 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,862 so Skinner wasn't rescued till Tuesday morn. 173 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:12,950 And by then, he was the twisted monster you see today. 174 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:16,621 Shut this pool down, Groundskeeper Willie. 175 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:19,832 Willie. Bart. 176 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:20,791 Monster. 177 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,460 So my ass isn't the baddest 178 00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:23,878 in the history of this school! 179 00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:24,879 Who did it, Willie? 180 00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,423 His name is Andy Hamilton. 181 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,675 Andy Hamilton. 182 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,346 But whatever you do, 183 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,224 never tell me where you learned his name, 184 00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:38,684 or I'll kill whoever told you! 185 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,691 Marge, what are you doing? 186 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:48,152 This junk food has got to go. 187 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,404 It's full of chemicals, trans fats 188 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,740 and hard-pore corn. 189 00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:53,699 (gasps) 190 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:54,992 No! 191 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,915 Don't worry, my sweets! 192 00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,917 I'll put out the fire! 193 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,377 Homie, no! 194 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,587 That topping is a petroleum by-product! 195 00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,258 (screams) 196 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,386 -(explosion) -Ow! 197 00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:18,599 "Andy Hamilton, 53 Hyperion Drive." 198 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,811 Bart, it's not always a good idea 199 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:22,937 to meet your hero. 200 00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,565 I once followed Santa home from the department store, 201 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,234 and what I saw wasn't pretty. 202 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,986 I can't live my life, knowing there might be 203 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,613 someone better than me at the one thing I'm good at. 204 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:33,781 (doorbell rings) 205 00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:36,242 ANDY: Entré and partay! 206 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,828 (grunts) 207 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,121 Krazy Glue! 208 00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,290 Bart, you've been pranked! 209 00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:43,916 Eh, it needs a topper. 210 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,876 And look, some idiot left glue loosener 211 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,503 just lying around! 212 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,843 Ah! Here it comes. 213 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,803 Ay, caramba! 214 00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,221 (groans) 215 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,140 Man, it is an honor 216 00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:01,058 to meet the guy who wormed Skinner. 217 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,476 You know, when I was your age, 218 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,103 we couldn't film our pranks for YouTube. 219 00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,438 It was local news or nothing. 220 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,689 Potato chip? 221 00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,942 Hmm, wait a minute. 222 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,819 Are there spring snakes in this can? 223 00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,613 No, no-no, no-no, no-no. Give me some credit. 224 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,073 It's a real snake. 225 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,074 -(snake hisses) -Whoa! 226 00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,035 Don't worry, it's defanged. 227 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,328 (snake hisses, Milhouse screams) 228 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,370 Although he can still 229 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,622 rub poison on you with his gums. 230 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:27,126 I would really wash that arm if I were you. 231 00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:30,588 -Can I go home now? -You should probably wait. 232 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,632 You're going to be very sleepy for the next few hours. 233 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,050 Isn't this the best day of your life? 234 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,887 (shuddering) 235 00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,515 So, you want to be 236 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,018 Springfield Elementary's next Andy Hamilton? 237 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:47,229 Then you'll have to top these awesome pranks. 238 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,148 The bear traps in gym class. 239 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,192 The fire in the drinking fountain. 240 00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,027 And, of course, the fake heart attack 241 00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:55,363 -on an international flight. -(chuckles) 242 00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,366 They had to land the plane in Nairobi! 243 00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,825 Some chick missed her own wedding! 244 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,827 (clicking) 245 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,038 I am impressed. 246 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:07,375 -(clicking) -(shivering) 247 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,294 BART: Oh, Andy has the perfect life. 248 00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:11,921 All he does is reminisce about his pranks. 249 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,006 And when his mom gets home from work, 250 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,633 she makes him whatever sandwich he wants. 251 00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:16,967 (wan chuckle) 252 00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,928 This Andy sounds like kind of a loser. 253 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,055 How could someone so much like me be a loser? 254 00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:22,973 ♪ Loser! ♪ 255 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,600 Would a loser have showed me 256 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,061 how to put printer's ink in a bottle of shampoo? 257 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,689 I've never felt so clean! 258 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,357 ♪ A loo-oo-ooser! ♪ 259 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,401 Yeah, but, uh, uh... 260 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,320 Dad, Lisa's making me see things from both sides again! 261 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:38,114 HOMER: Lisa, I warned you about that! 262 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,324 Shouldn't Bart have all the information he needs 263 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,575 to make an informed decision? 264 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,494 Well,you... 265 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,246 Now you're doing it to me! 266 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,622 Oh! 267 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,583 Mom, what would you do 268 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,836 if someone you cared about might be a loser, 269 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,295 but they thought they were awesome? 270 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,047 Are you talking about your father? 271 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:56,799 That loser? No. 272 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,677 I'm talking about this guy who's 19 and never really grew up. 273 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,053 Well, when you care about someone, 274 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,973 it's not out of line to give them a gentle push 275 00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,224 in the right direction. 276 00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,101 Got it. Did you wash those carrots? 277 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:08,018 (scoffs) 278 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:09,603 No. 279 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,855 (sighs) 280 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,065 You could have washed them after you cut them, 281 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,483 but now they're done for. 282 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,901 (sighing): Oh! 283 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:19,947 Well, I don't like the looks of this place, Marge. 284 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,409 I don't see any standees for chips, standees for soda. 285 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,786 I don't see any standees at all! 286 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,581 From now on, our family is eating healthy food 287 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,876 that looks bad on the shelf, but good in our colon. 288 00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:34,003 Why is that man carrying a purse? 289 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,546 That's a reusable grocery bag. 290 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,131 This store doesn't use plastic bags, 291 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:39,049 because they end up in the ocean 292 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,010 and upset jellyfish mating rituals. 293 00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:44,805 Stupid horny jellyfish-- neutering our dudes. 294 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,434 Hmm. 295 00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,561 Almond butter, soy milk, 296 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,521 non-soy dairy-based soy sauce, 297 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,898 steel-cut spelt husk, 298 00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:57,026 Chef Soy-ar-dee soy-based spaghetti and soy balls, 299 00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:58,569 free-range gluten, 300 00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:00,154 ultra-vegan invisible cheese... 301 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,322 You know, you don't have 302 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:02,531 to read the items aloud. 303 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,657 I know what they are. 304 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,952 Okay, that comes to $790. 305 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,579 800 bucks?! 306 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,831 Oh, wait. I didn't see these blueberries. 307 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,291 $830. 308 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,626 Fine, but we're going 309 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,503 to a regular grocery store next week. 310 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,879 A week? 311 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,048 Without preservatives, this food won't last a day. 312 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,342 Look. 313 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:23,886 Oh! 314 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,973 (laughs) 315 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,517 Huh. 316 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,019 Well, I guess, uh, they can go either way. 317 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,979 (horns honking) 318 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,397 (car crashing) 319 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,607 WIGGUM: Oh, God! 320 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,150 Oh, I'm in horrible pain! 321 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,820 (laughs) 322 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:41,779 (sighs) 323 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,031 Andy, man, is this the way 324 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,283 you want to spend the rest of your life? 325 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:49,078 Having to borrow spray paint from a ten-year-old kid? 326 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,454 I told you, okay? 327 00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,040 I'll pay you back when I get my allowance. 328 00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,751 I mean, not this one, but the one after next. 329 00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,295 Oh, God, you're right. 330 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,589 Look, I think I can get you a job. 331 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,966 Krusty owes me a favor 332 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,552 after I perjured myself for him during a deposition. 333 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,887 You would get me a job? Thank you, man. 334 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,265 Um, I would keep that on for the interview. 335 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:11,559 (horn honking) 336 00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:16,647 Hey, hey, if it isn't my old friend... you! 337 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,190 Krusty, I need a favor. 338 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:19,608 For you kid, anything, 339 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,110 anything at all! 340 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,069 Although I won't read screenplays. 341 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:23,237 That's for your protection. 342 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,447 Oh, and you can't ride on my private jet. 343 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,117 And I won't give a struggling young comic his first chance, 344 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,452 I won't give a broken-down hack his last chance, 345 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,121 I won't buy you kids booze. 346 00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,123 The judge was very clear on that. 347 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,749 Now, what can I do for you? 348 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,918 Oh, and I don't sign footballs unless you're dying, 349 00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,754 and it reverts back to me after six months if you're not dead. 350 00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,256 (horn honks) 351 00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:43,966 As my new second assistant, 352 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,094 you've got to drive me from my office to the stage, 353 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:50,014 and if you see anybody I've screwed over on the way, 354 00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,140 avoid them! 355 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:52,182 Whoa! Ex-wife! 356 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:53,392 Former writing partner! 357 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:54,560 Bookie! 358 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,729 Dog I abandoned! A.A. sponsor! 359 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:57,771 Love child! 360 00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,106 -Tiddly. -Wink. 361 00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:00,441 Tiddly. 362 00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,735 Wink. Didn't Andy start work today? 363 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:03,861 Yes. Tiddly. 364 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,030 Then why is he standing in our driveway? 365 00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,281 Wink. 366 00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:09,783 You're supposed to be at work! 367 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,536 I tried, man, but he was, like, "Do this thing." 368 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,038 And I'm, like, "Why, dude?" 369 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,289 And he's, like, "I'm your boss!" 370 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,999 And I'm, like, "I quit." 371 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,335 Then you're, like, "You're supposed to be at work, man." 372 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:20,502 Then I'm, like, "What?" 373 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,921 You quit after one day? 374 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,005 Yeah. 375 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,632 But today wasn't a total loss. 376 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,383 On the way home, I got this-- 377 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,761 an ice cube with a fly in it. 378 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,054 If that was in your drink, 379 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,388 you'd be, like, "I'm not drinking that!" 380 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:34,183 I stuck my neck out for you, and you screwed it up! 381 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,351 (bicycle bell dings twice) 382 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,518 We're not losers! 383 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,562 No, you two are winners. 384 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:39,813 Big winners. 385 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:40,814 When I grow up, 386 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:44,109 I want to marry a big winner like you guys. 387 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,611 Shut up! 388 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:51,700 ♪ Doggies and kitties don't last forever ♪ 389 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:55,245 ♪ But they do a lot better than fish! ♪ 390 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,166 ♪ Flush, flush, fish, fish, fish, flush... ♪ 391 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,876 It's healthy snack time! 392 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,044 Is it? 393 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,879 We've got sulfite-free grape juice 394 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,090 and homemade, organic, non-gluten, 395 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,384 fair-trade zucchini cupcakes! 396 00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:09,426 -Oh! -Oh! 397 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,011 They don't rise by themselves, 398 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,638 so I was up all night 399 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,682 blowing air bubbles into them with a straw. 400 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,809 Mmm! Delicious! 401 00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:20,020 What percent milk fat unsalted butter did you use 402 00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,355 to grease the cupcake tray? 403 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,982 None percent. 404 00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,775 I used a nonstick pan. 405 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:27,987 (all retching) 406 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:31,448 Don't you know that nonstick pans are made with P.F.O.A.s? 407 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,784 Oh, boy, here it comes. 408 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:37,371 There is only one thing more dangerous than P.F.O.A.s, Marge. 409 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:39,164 Plastics made with B.P.A.s. 410 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:43,043 Never, ever let your child near any product with the number... 411 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,130 Seven! 412 00:16:46,213 --> 00:16:50,092 Good Lord, they've been sucking seven! Oh! 413 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,520 (siren blaring) 414 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:06,692 (groans) 415 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,945 All right, Andy. 416 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,655 It was not easy to get your job back. 417 00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,198 You did me a solid, man. 418 00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,617 And I promise you, I will not leave this job 419 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:18,078 unless I flake or it becomes bogus. 420 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,788 No, that's not good enough. 421 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,832 I want you to shake my hand as a fellow prankster 422 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,001 and swear you will try your best. 423 00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,085 -Psych! -Psych! 424 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,211 We have a deal. 425 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,838 (humming) 426 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,008 Marge? 427 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,718 Sorry I'm late. I was working overtime, 428 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,095 so we'd have extra money to buy fruit salad. 429 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,017 -Honey, what are you doing? -Hmm? 430 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,393 Nothing! 431 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,812 (swallows) Nothing! 432 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,564 It's okay. You can tell me. 433 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,068 I found your stash. 434 00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,402 (gasps) 435 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:54,782 You found the precious! 436 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,825 I know, I know. 437 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,744 I've eaten your trans fats, 438 00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:00,079 your red dye number two. 439 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,705 Even this! 440 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,000 Oh, Marge, I'm seeing 441 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,087 a brand-new side of you-- me. 442 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,006 (Homer and Marge laughing) 443 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,300 More Lard Glug, my sweet? 444 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,469 I never want to stop. 445 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,179 Did you know that Lard Glug 446 00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:19,765 contains neither lard nor glug? 447 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:20,974 From now on, 448 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:24,228 we'll only make the kids eat healthy. 449 00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,772 I can't believe Andy's lasted a week. 450 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:28,774 Yeah, to congratulate him, I got him the most 451 00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,776 grown-up thing I could think of: a Caesar salad. 452 00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,404 Excuse me, I'm looking for Stage 6. 453 00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:37,574 I've got a delivery for a Mr. Andy Hamilton. 454 00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,409 -Right over there. -Oh, thank you. 455 00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:43,080 (gasps) 456 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:53,382 (bell ringing) 457 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,010 Louie, have you seen Andy? 458 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,762 I think he's gonna ruin the show! 459 00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:00,806 Eh, he's about 20 seasons too late. 460 00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,225 (laughing) 461 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,477 (coughing) 462 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,772 (gasps) 463 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:14,319 (drumroll) 464 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,446 Now, to dive in this pool 465 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,739 of clear, blue water. 466 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,867 (gasps) 467 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,625 (Krusty yelps) 468 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,002 Put me down! 469 00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,003 You're ruining the bit! 470 00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,880 No! I won't see you end up 471 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,465 like Skinner, twisted and deranged. 472 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,426 Watch the Krusty Show, they tell me. 473 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,428 You'll forget your troubles, they tell me. 474 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,221 Uh, how much do you weigh? 475 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,765 Oh, 180, maybe 190. 476 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,393 Plus I'm wearing about 30 pounds of pancake makeup 477 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:48,645 and I'm always packing heat. 478 00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:51,023 Plus the owner's manual for my Cadillac. 479 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,524 (straining) 480 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,568 (screaming) 481 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,446 (gasping) 482 00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:05,704 I wanted warm water, not worm water. 483 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,457 (audience laughing) 484 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:12,628 What's going on? 485 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,837 Krusty needed a bit. 486 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:15,464 And I got a great one. 487 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,383 Thanks to my new head writer, Andy Hamilton. 488 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:19,551 (Krusty laughs) 489 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:22,012 Bart, thank you for believing I could grow up. 490 00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,931 My pranking days are over, for good. 491 00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:25,682 What's gotten into you, man? 492 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,976 Andrew, I wanted to show you something 493 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,437 in the make-out room-- uh, makeup room. 494 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,064 I'll be right there in a minute, babe. 495 00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:36,026 Looks like I just bought some property on Boner Way. 496 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:39,029 So now Andy's a TV writer. 497 00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:40,948 Loser. 498 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:45,535 ♪ Loser, loser. ♪ 499 00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:46,828 Loser! 500 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,662 Shh! 501 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,292 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem