1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,129 (choir singing) 2 00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:05,213 Yee-haw! 3 00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:11,302 (exclaiming) 4 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,852 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:22,147 (Barney belches) 6 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:24,357 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:25,442 (yells) 8 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:31,698 (beeps) 9 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,328 (playing the blues) 10 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:43,710 (playing the blues) 11 00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:44,794 (tires screech) 12 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:47,672 D'oh! 13 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,508 -(tires screeching) -(grunts) 14 00:00:55,138 --> 00:01:00,226 ♪♪ 15 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:04,647 {\an8}(thunder crashing) 16 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,735 (eerie music plays) 17 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:11,488 (muttering) 18 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:18,870 (maniacal laughter) 19 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,962 Burns, you're coming with us. 20 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:29,964 No, no, let me go. 21 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,174 (Burns narrating): Surprised? 22 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:34,302 Me, C. Montgomery Burns, locked up like an animal? 23 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:37,472 What caused this puzzling turn of events? 24 00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,432 Well, I'll tell you my tale... 25 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,352 {\an8}by thinking about it to myself. 26 00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,774 {\an8}And so our Employee of the Month is the late Roger Ducette, 27 00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:48,900 {\an8}who tragically died 28 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,236 {\an8}from complications due to union organizing. 29 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:52,362 {\an8}Moving on. 30 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,697 {\an8}The power plant's first annual Fourth of July picnic 31 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:55,907 {\an8}is this coming Saturday. 32 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:56,783 {\an8}Whoo-hoo! 33 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,494 {\an8}Oh, I'm afraid you misunderstand. 34 00:01:59,577 --> 00:02:01,579 This picnic is for me. 35 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:04,749 {\an8}You will all be spending your Independence Day slaving away 36 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:07,460 {\an8}in the hot summer sun without pay, lotion or gratitude. 37 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:08,336 {\an8}D'oh! 38 00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:11,005 {\an8}Yes, "duh-ohhh," indeed. 39 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:15,385 ♪ 'Cause it's summer ♪ 40 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,679 ♪ Summertime is here ♪ 41 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:20,306 {\an8}(Burns laughing) 42 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:23,977 {\an8}-(dogs snarling) -♪ Yes, it's summer ♪ 43 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,854 {\an8}♪ My time of... ♪ 44 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,356 {\an8}Sir, your spareribs, cooked just the way you like 'em. 45 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:30,608 {\an8}Spareribs, eh? 46 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,111 {\an8}I've played a round of tenpins or two in my life, 47 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,738 {\an8}and to me, the word "spare" reeks of second best. 48 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,741 {\an8}Give me ten full frames of strike ribs. 49 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,034 {\an8}And you, find my doctor 50 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,161 {\an8}and ask him why I'd ask for something 51 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,955 {\an8}-as insane as strike ribs. -(glumly): Yes, sir. 52 00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:45,832 {\an8}You know, sir, these people have been working 53 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,084 {\an8}since your 6:00 a.m. parade of the flags. 54 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,670 {\an8}Maybe you could give them the rest of the day off 55 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:51,838 {\an8}to spend with their families? 56 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:54,090 Yes, they should go. Just as soon as they perform 57 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,091 this musical I've written 58 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,551 in celebration of our nation's birth. 59 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,178 {\an8}Grab your scripts, people. 60 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:02,056 {\an8}We open in 20 minutes. Break a leg. 61 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,808 I said break a leg. 62 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,687 For God's sake, man, it's a figure of speech. 63 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:08,730 You're fired. 64 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:16,237 {\an8}(to the tune of "Battle Hymn") ♪ We love America ♪ 65 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:17,947 {\an8}(fireworks whistling) 66 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,950 {\an8}(music continues playing) 67 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:40,762 {\an8}Meh. Smithers, take my hands and clap them sarcastically. 68 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:44,766 {\an8}More sarcastic. 69 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,768 {\an8}Burns-- what an ungrateful jerk. 70 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:49,479 {\an8}We hoofed our hearts out for him with no rehearsal. 71 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,731 {\an8}I say Burns owes us a party. 72 00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:55,318 {\an8}Let's have one right now... with his wine. 73 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,323 {\an8}(eerie music plays) 74 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,783 {\an8}I don't know. 75 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,451 {\an8}Technically, this is trespassing. 76 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:06,204 {\an8}(scoffs): What's the worst thing he could do? 77 00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:10,792 {\an8}-(Homer humming) -Hey, Lenny, 78 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,836 {\an8}you care for some Chateau La Mondotte Saint-Emilion? 79 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,213 {\an8}That's a regular-sized bottle. 80 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,090 {\an8}I'm drinking Jeroboams. 81 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,801 {\an8}I'm pounding Melchizedeks. 82 00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:20,927 {\an8}(grunting) 83 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:22,929 {\an8}Homer, that's a $60,000 bottle. 84 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,097 {\an8}Whoo-hoo. 85 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,765 {\an8}I'm drinking my salary. 86 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,767 Yeah, but don't some of that go to income tax? 87 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:28,893 Yeah, you're right. 88 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,144 The government... 89 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,021 taking my hard-earned stolen wine 90 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,564 and spending it on that no-good floor. 91 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,441 I hear that. 92 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:38,111 -(Homer yelling) -LENNY: I'm getting radioactive right now. 93 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:40,154 (grunting) 94 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,535 (deep breathing) 95 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,870 (Homer laughing) 96 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,080 Smithers, sound the alarum. 97 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,498 Summon the shire reeve. 98 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,709 Wake the beadle. 99 00:04:54,752 --> 00:04:56,546 (sirens wailing) 100 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,172 (tires screeching) 101 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:03,303 Okay, left hand: Rembrandt. 102 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:04,637 (grunting) 103 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:05,805 (guns cocking) 104 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:08,808 All right, step away from the old masters 105 00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:10,852 and kick 'em over here. Come on. 106 00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:12,478 Whoa, wait a minute, Chief. 107 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,522 -This is The Concert by Vermeer. -Huh? 108 00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:16,566 Which was stolen in 1990 109 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,360 from Boston's Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum? 110 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:21,487 So, Burns, 111 00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,157 do you want to explain how this miracle of measure 112 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,950 and harmony got into your collection? 113 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,411 Well, I... you-you see... 114 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,620 It's just... 115 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,123 Is it a crime to want nice things, 116 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:34,917 and then to steal them from a public museum 117 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,544 where any gum-chewing monkey 118 00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,005 in a Tufts University jacket can gawk at them? 119 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,923 I think not! 120 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,134 Cuff him, Lou. 121 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,556 MR. BURNS: The entire town turned out to jeer me. 122 00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:51,392 Me, whose velvet breeches their lizard lips 123 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,729 had so often joylessly smooched. 124 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,147 (crowd jeering) 125 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:01,819 Throwin' stuff. Get yer throwin' stuff. 126 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,072 Turn a protest into a riot. 127 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,323 How much for a tomato? 128 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,867 Fresh is a dollar, rotten's two bucks. 129 00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,619 Son, do you really need the rotten? 130 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,871 I mean, it's not like you're actually gonna hit him. 131 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:17,418 Oh... since it's your birthday. 132 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,255 Mom, I'm gonna go hurl rotten fruit. 133 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,132 No one in this family is hurling 134 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,842 rotten anything at anyone. 135 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:25,927 (Homer laughing) 136 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:28,012 And just what might that be? 137 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,515 Uh... this is my lunch. 138 00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,766 Really? 139 00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:32,892 Okay, eat your lunch. 140 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:33,935 But... 141 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,061 You said it's your lunch. 142 00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:36,479 -Eat it. -Eat my lunch? 143 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,397 Yes. Enjoy. 144 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,607 -Okay, I will. -Bon appétit. 145 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:42,777 MR. BURNS: They continued for some time in this vein, until... 146 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,070 You don't think I'm going to? 147 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,530 I don't see any chewing. 148 00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:46,864 Okay. (makes chewing sound) 149 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,117 Not air bites, real bites. 150 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,034 Oh... 151 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,749 -Where are you going? -Shopping. 152 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,502 Every time this town riots, the malls are deserted. 153 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,586 You stay here. 154 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,755 (groans): I hate being stuck at home. 155 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,132 Play with Lisa. 156 00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,925 Mom, you don't play with Lisa. 157 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,301 You play despite her. 158 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,887 Bart, I'm not thrilled either, 159 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,597 but one day we might need each other 160 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,890 for organ transplants, 161 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,435 so we'd better keep the lines of communication open. 162 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,145 Want to help me with my ant farm? 163 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,063 You plant the ants, and then they grow? 164 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,649 No, the ants are the farmers. 165 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:23,151 Really? What are they growing? 166 00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,528 Nothing. Look, do you want to do it or not? 167 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,071 -No! -Fine. 168 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:29,574 So ironic. 169 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:32,076 After all my years of stock jobbing, 170 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,286 gun running, attempted murder, 171 00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:35,705 successful murder, and tom peepery, 172 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,207 they get me on a petty multimillion dollar art theft. 173 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,042 (sobs): It's so unfair. 174 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,961 Smithers, until I am released, 175 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,422 you shall be running the nuclear plant. 176 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:45,590 Me? 177 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:47,550 Be strong, Smithers. 178 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,801 Be strong for the plant. 179 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,428 She needs you. 180 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:51,637 (metallic creaking) 181 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:54,390 MR. BURNS: This would have been a perfect time for it to start raining. 182 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,518 Oh, what the hell. I'm telling this story. 183 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,979 (thunder crashing) 184 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:02,565 Hmm. Not dramatic enough. 185 00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,110 Frostbite took his nose. 186 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,488 (Burns laughs): Excellent. 187 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:14,744 MR. BURNS: That prison was like a prison to me. 188 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,412 Not a prison of bricks and iron, 189 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,789 but one of steel and cement. 190 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,249 They took everything from me. 191 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,961 One movie stub from Tillie's Punctured Romance, 192 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,756 envelope marked "bribe." 193 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,217 Empty. 194 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,386 Social Security card. 195 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,056 That's just an S.S. card, you Dummkopf. 196 00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:38,935 My only hope lay in befriending the warden. 197 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,728 (with Southern accent): Now you looky here, Burns. 198 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:42,021 All your money and influence 199 00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:43,731 don't mean nothin' on the inside. 200 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:46,692 Yes, but a wealthy man can buy information, 201 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:50,905 information that can be highly damaging to a certain warden. 202 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:53,699 Well, uh, what information we talkin' 'bout? 203 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,952 Well, I'm sure the boys at the city desk 204 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:59,163 would be interested to learn that you're addicted to... 205 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,414 to... 206 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:01,832 (chuckles) 207 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,751 Can't read my own writing. 208 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:07,547 But I'll tell you this, Warden, it starts with an "H." 209 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:08,422 Ham? 210 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,132 It's clearly more than three letters. 211 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,093 Get him out of my sight. 212 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:21,978 Ain't nobody gonna take my H from me. 213 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,354 (inhales) 214 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:25,147 (high-pitched): Damn, that gas is noble. 215 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:27,149 (blues music playing) 216 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:30,403 ♪ Early one morning ♪ 217 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,783 ♪ The blues came fallin' down ♪ 218 00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,207 ♪ Early one morning ♪ 219 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,750 ♪ The blues came-- ♪ 220 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:45,835 (music stops abruptly) 221 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,670 Time for a cavity search. 222 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:48,588 (laughing): Oh. 223 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,465 I haven't had a cavity in over 40 years. 224 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,676 I wasn't talking about your teeth. 225 00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,469 Nor was I. 226 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,348 Meet your roommate. 227 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,519 Hiya, pal. They put two harmless 228 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,062 white collar criminals in the same cell. 229 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,272 What luck, huh? 230 00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,773 (chuckling) 231 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,859 I was afraid you'd be some tattooed bruiser. 232 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,361 Well, they don't turn out too many of those at Dartmouth. 233 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,656 Dartmouth? Get me away from this hideous brute at once. 234 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,283 At once! Do you hear me? 235 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,327 Got my master's from the University of Virginia, 236 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,287 the public Ivy. 237 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:22,204 Guard! 238 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:25,458 Such an intricate formicarium. 239 00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,628 I'm the proudest myrmecologist on the block. 240 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,172 Hey, they're not eating. 241 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:33,007 Don't worry. I gave 'em a Pop-Tart. 242 00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,176 The healthy kind-- strawberry-frosted. 243 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:39,221 Bart, that Pop-Tart wasn't locally farmed or sourced. 244 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,015 Oh, Lisa, you take the fun out of everything. 245 00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:44,518 (scoffs): I am so glad I am not your kid. 246 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,228 Well, I'm so glad I'm not your mom. 247 00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,146 You should be. 248 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,732 If I was in your tummy, I'd poo in your throat. 249 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:53,194 Ew. Ew. Ew. I'll never get that image out of my head. 250 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:55,655 Oh, no. You are not taking the children. 251 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,365 If they're anybody's children, they're mine. 252 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:01,035 (grunting) 253 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,329 (gasps): Quick, we gotta get them back. 254 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,420 There's only one ant left. 255 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,131 I will never forgive you. 256 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:16,884 Aw... 257 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,970 Well, I will never forgive you, Bart. 258 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,764 That only angers me more! 259 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,891 -I know. -(growls) 260 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,737 Okay, Waylon, you never wanted this job, 261 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,280 but you got it. 262 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,200 Damn it! 263 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,078 (sighs) 264 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,997 You know, this is my chance. 265 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:50,418 A chance to be the kind of boss I want to be. 266 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,462 A little more... employee-friendly. 267 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,632 Mmm. That was a wild Christmas party. 268 00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,677 In the next few weeks, we'll be introducing 269 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,595 a medical plan that covers illness, 270 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,848 and a suggestion box that is no longer 271 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,015 a guillotine for the hand. 272 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,059 (clanging) Yeah! 273 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,145 Well, I agree things are a lot nicer around here, 274 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,814 but I think I speak for many of us when I say... 275 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:12,815 what's the catch? 276 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:13,816 (chuckles) 277 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,025 Well, the catch is, 278 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,278 happy workers are productive workers. 279 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,488 (quietly): There's always a catch! 280 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,451 Can I come in? 281 00:12:23,534 --> 00:12:25,286 You're not going anywhere near Annie. 282 00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:26,537 Annie? 283 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,581 As in "Little Orphan"? 284 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,500 It was an accident-- I didn't mean to kill our ants. 285 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,544 (gasps): Patty and Selma are dead? 286 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:34,712 Whoo-hoo! 287 00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,172 A double funeral! 288 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:39,967 (Homer singing lively tune) 289 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:41,594 Dad, before you jump to conclusions... 290 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,262 Oh, please, tell me they suffered. 291 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:44,138 (gasps) 292 00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,848 Gh-gh-gh... hags! 293 00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:49,059 (both groaning) 294 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,980 MR. BURNS: Looks like it's Pledge Day. 295 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:55,775 Which jailhouse fraternity shall I join? 296 00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,735 The Shriners? 297 00:12:57,818 --> 00:12:59,445 The ROTC? 298 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,197 The Sunday Funnies? 299 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,908 Or one of these other dining clubs? 300 00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:06,410 Look at them circling me like I'm Cinderella, 301 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,037 belle of the ball. 302 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,371 MAN: Back off! 303 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,749 He's mine. 304 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:14,794 Warden, help me! 305 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:15,628 (high-pitched): No can do, baby. 306 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,421 I'm not coming down for days! 307 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,052 Mr. Smithers, our lives are awesome, thanks to you. 308 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,222 And because I know you... like your loafers light, 309 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,891 I want to give something back. 310 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:29,809 Wip! 311 00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,062 Use that image any way you want. 312 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,730 Three cheers for Mr. Smithers! 313 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,023 To Mr. Smithers! 314 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,400 Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! 315 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,860 (chuckles) 316 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,570 Uh, listen, uh, can I leave 317 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,947 a little early tomorrow? 318 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,824 My kid has a thing. 319 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,450 Ooh, yeah, can I leave early, too? 320 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:49,203 I wanna take a nap so I'm awake for the meteor shower. 321 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,832 Well, I'm flexible. Go ahead. 322 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:54,250 You know, I used to think you was 323 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,168 just as bad as Mr. Burns. 324 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,254 Now, I think you're just as good as me. 325 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,506 Oh, that is a huge compliment. 326 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,049 (phone rings) 327 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,260 Uh, excuse me. 328 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:09,181 Yes, the service on my car was excellent. 329 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,975 Five out of five. 330 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:12,393 Four out of five. 331 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:13,978 Five out of five. 332 00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:15,688 Uh, excuse me, can I go back 333 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,023 and change that four out of five to five out of five? 334 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,150 I'm wasting your time? 335 00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,778 Smithers, what a marshmallow. I don't have 336 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,488 a thing with my kid tomorrow. 337 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,031 You told me you did. 338 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,575 I do, but I'm not going to it. 339 00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:28,659 To Smithers, 340 00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,619 the world's dumbest loser. 341 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,663 There's nothing sweeter than being nice 342 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,957 to a guy's face and then stabbing him in the back 343 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,250 the minute he walks away. 344 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,252 All right, that's it. 345 00:14:38,335 --> 00:14:39,336 -(gasping) -You know, 346 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,505 I used to wonder why Mr. Burns 347 00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:42,882 hated humanity. 348 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,383 Now I know. 349 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:48,012 You open your heart and they mock your very decency. 350 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:51,140 (mocking): Ooh, we mock your very decency. 351 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,268 (whimpers) 352 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:03,027 Man, Smithers is working us like dogs. 353 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:03,903 Well, at least we got 354 00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:05,738 the best brand ceiling insulation. 355 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,449 (shrieks) 356 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:11,160 Well, at least we got the best asbestos. 357 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,621 (groaning) 358 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,914 (buzzer rings) 359 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,582 I've told you, you're mine. 360 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:19,376 And you can't escape the word 361 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,211 of Jesus Christ. 362 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,547 Burns, you shall reject Satan. 363 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,299 Why can't you reject your guy? 364 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:27,593 Because when I was at my lowest 365 00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,887 facing 50 years to life, 366 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,765 someone handed me a book. 367 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:34,767 I couldn't read a lick, 368 00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,852 but that picture of Jesus 369 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,229 gave me a comfort I've never known. 370 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,066 So I promised the Lord 371 00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:44,109 I'd put that 50 years to use 372 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:47,404 reclaiming lost souls like you. 373 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:48,781 Come to Jesus! 374 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,115 -Shan't. -(thunder rumbles) 375 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,659 Feel his power! 376 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,619 I've died and come back-- it's overrated. 377 00:15:53,702 --> 00:15:55,913 -Open your heart! -(groaning) 378 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,289 (thunder rumbling) 379 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,375 I will suck out your evil. 380 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,543 (groaning) 381 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,171 (yelling) 382 00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,591 And now, your evil is gone! 383 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:11,261 (chuckles) I'm afraid that was just my pre-evil. 384 00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,018 (thunder crashing) 385 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:22,940 I feel it. 386 00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:25,401 I feel the love coursing through my vein. 387 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,111 (chuckles) 388 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,862 Welcome to the Lord, brother. 389 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,448 MR. BURNS: So, that hellhole became a Heavenhole. 390 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,617 I joined the prison choir. 391 00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,828 And the prison Beatles' tribute band. 392 00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:38,288 I raked a Zen garden in the courtyard 393 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:42,084 and found a peace and serenity I'd never known. 394 00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:47,506 (chuckles) 395 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,096 Who's carrying 50 times her weight? 396 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,724 -Ooh, you are. -LISA: Bart? 397 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,309 She's only carrying 30 times her weight. 398 00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,270 Our girl is slowing down. 399 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:03,981 Oh, my God. That is so sad. 400 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,066 It's the natural order of things. 401 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,027 I'm afraid she's got another two, 402 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,279 maybe three days, tops. 403 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,948 Do we let her spend the rest of her life in the wild? 404 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,200 Or let her die in captivity, like Grampa? 405 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,578 Hey, in my mind I'm free. 406 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,621 No you're not, ya idjit! 407 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:20,914 (groans) 408 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,917 It's official. 409 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,086 Smithers is now worse than Mr. Burns. 410 00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:29,298 Instead of releasing hounds, he releases wolverines. 411 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,134 (snarling) 412 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,015 I never thought I'd say this, 413 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,100 but I wish Mr. Burns was back. 414 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,269 Hey, if wishes were horses, I'd be eatin' 415 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:44,688 wish-meat every night. What does that mean? 416 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,982 It means, it's not like you're gonna break into the prison 417 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,442 and bust him out or anything. 418 00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,321 Oh, hey, come on. You can't really 419 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,448 be serious about breaking him out. 420 00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,075 It's too late to turn back, Moe. 421 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,535 We've exchanged meaningful looks. 422 00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,120 No, you can still turn back. 423 00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,872 The point of no return is the whispered huddle. 424 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:03,499 (whispering) 425 00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,042 Oh, God. Oh, God! 426 00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:06,960 (thunder crashing) 427 00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:15,886 -Burns, you're coming with us. -No. 428 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,846 No, let me go. 429 00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,515 Why would I want to leave the place 430 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,350 where my soul was saved? 431 00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,645 And that's where we came in. 432 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,271 Now, without further ado, 433 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,357 here's what happened next. 434 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,235 But first, I'll daydream about a sport utility vehicle, 435 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:34,655 a crispy chicken sandwich and a wonderful blue pill. 436 00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:41,245 MAN: Hold it right there! 437 00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:43,080 You're not leaving with that man. 438 00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,915 He's born again. 439 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:47,543 Been baptized in a toilet sink. 440 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:50,003 (quietly): Everyone doesn't have to know that part. 441 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,172 It's the specific detail that shows 442 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,799 the humbling you've undergone. 443 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:56,426 -You don't have a "whisper" voice, do you? -What? 444 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,931 Good-bye, Annie, my eight-legged friend. 445 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,558 Ants have six legs, Bart. 446 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,017 Oh, thank God. 447 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,228 I thought I broke two off. 448 00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:09,022 You're just a tiny ant, but you were strong enough 449 00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,899 to pull my brother and me together. 450 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,068 Now go and be free. 451 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,245 Look, if I leave with you, 452 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,247 they're just going to throw me back in. 453 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,957 The world has changed since you went in. 454 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,959 Men of wealth can beat the system now. 455 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:30,711 Yeah, and they've replaced parking meters 456 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,880 with this thing you stick your credit card into. 457 00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:35,257 The war is over and the future won. 458 00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:38,093 The past never had a chance, man. 459 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,597 Do you really want to leave with these idiots? 460 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,184 I'm afraid so. 461 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,394 But I cleansed you of your evil. 462 00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:49,813 I had a little left between my toes. 463 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,941 It quickly multiplied, and now I'm a bigger bastard than ever. 464 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,401 But I must know, 465 00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:56,403 what was it about me that made you try? 466 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,323 Because I've killed so many rich white men, 467 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,783 I thought I'd do right by at least one. 468 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,411 We're not so different, you and I. 469 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,747 (both chuckling) 470 00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:08,332 Get your skinny ass out of here. 471 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,375 Lollygags, slackabouts, 472 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,920 Captain Happys-- you're all fired. 473 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,172 I'll do the firing around here. 474 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,174 Mr. Burns! 475 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,301 You're even more beautiful than I remembered. 476 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,013 All of you, out of my office. 477 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:30,145 (sighs) 478 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,524 Farewell, friend. 479 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:37,903 Maybe you'll find another lost lamb for your flock. 480 00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:41,865 Tell me, brother, have you heard the story of Jesus Christ? 481 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:46,036 Well, I am Italian, but no. 482 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,959 MR. BURNS: ♪ Oh, I live me in a mansion ♪ 483 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:54,169 ♪ Full of those Grecian urns ♪ 484 00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,172 ♪ But I'm lonely all the livelong day ♪ 485 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,258 ♪ That's the blues of Monty Burns ♪ 486 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:03,011 FEMALE CHORUS: ♪ He's got the blues ♪ 487 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:07,641 ♪ The I-got-no-problems blues ♪ 488 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,730 MR. BURNS: ♪ Oh, my tapestry's medieval ♪ 489 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,525 ♪ My heart, it's evil, too ♪ 490 00:21:16,608 --> 00:21:19,319 ♪ But that don't mean I don't need love ♪ 491 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,405 ♪ From lesser types like you ♪ 492 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:24,950 FEMALE CHORUS: ♪ He's got the blues ♪ 493 00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:30,330 ♪ The old-and-privileged white man blues ♪ 494 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:33,500 Shh! 495 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:38,505 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem