1 00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:04,212 CHORUS SINGS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:05,630 (Krusty laughing) 3 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,678 (exclaims) 4 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,019 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:22,147 BARNEY: Hello. 6 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:24,399 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:25,483 (yells) 8 00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:31,781 (beeping) 9 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:43,084 (playing the blues) 10 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:48,131 (grunts) 11 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:50,258 Hah! 12 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,261 -Ooh! -(gunfire) 13 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,723 (tires screeching) 14 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,143 (horn honking, Grampa shouts) 15 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,187 (tires screech) 16 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,273 D'oh! 17 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:06,900 (tires screeching) 18 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:07,942 (grunts) 19 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,035 Draw me some beer. 20 00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:26,211 ♪♪ 21 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,884 {\an8}People of Springfield, this town is in the worst 22 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:34,886 {\an8}financial meltdown we've ever seen. 23 00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,806 {\an8}No longer can we cook the books and fudge the numbers. 24 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,849 Mmm. (drools) 25 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,017 This is serious. 26 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,061 Pay attention. 27 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,063 (giddy laughter) 28 00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,442 Oh, yeah... 29 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,985 {\an8}And so, it is with regret 30 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,987 {\an8}I announce the following cost-cutting measures: 31 00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,990 {\an8}eliminating dead animal pickup... 32 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,541 {\an8}(Krusty grunts) 33 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:08,294 {\an8}...dramatic cutbacks in our education budget... 34 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:10,338 {\an8}Good morning, children. 35 00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:13,049 {\an8}Today, we are instituting shortened school hours. 36 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,217 {\an8}How shortened? 37 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,426 {\an8}Take 'em home, Otto. 38 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,303 {\an8}(children cheering) 39 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,388 ...and we have released 40 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:21,141 all low-level criminals from our prisons. 41 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,062 (snickers) 42 00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:36,948 (gun cocks) 43 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:39,993 Spit the grapes back in with the others. 44 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,456 {\an8}Homie, slow down. 45 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:46,499 {\an8}Why should I? 46 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:47,667 {\an8}The city's broke. 47 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,420 {\an8}They can't afford to enforce their precious laws. 48 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,504 {\an8}(horn honking) 49 00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,506 (Homer laughing) 50 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:55,675 How fast were they going, Lou? 51 00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:56,843 {\an8}I don't know, Chief. 52 00:02:56,926 --> 00:02:58,428 {\an8}We can't afford a radar gun, 53 00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,180 {\an8}so we're just using a thermos 54 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,764 on top of a hose handle. 55 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,766 Well, it's better than my pistol. 56 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,519 {\an8}Hey, hey, uh, that Ralphie's 57 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,687 {\an8}getting to be a pretty fine artist. 58 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,063 {\an8}I drew it. 59 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,524 {\an8}-Hmm. -Mm-hm. 60 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,705 {\an8}Another Springfield family 61 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:29,042 {\an8}moves to Detroit to find a better life. 62 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,169 {\an8}Now that it's empty, who's gonna buy their house? 63 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,630 {\an8}What if someone moves in with two Barts? 64 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,132 {\an8}Or four teenage Barts? 65 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,884 {\an8}(engines revving) 66 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:40,678 {\an8}Eh, at least they're learning their fractions. 67 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,305 (worried groan) 68 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,398 {\an8}(sniffs) What's that delicious smell? 69 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:53,733 {\an8}Cookies! 70 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:55,568 {\an8}(sniffs) Mmm. 71 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,570 {\an8}Stop that sniffing. It's not for you. 72 00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,531 {\an8}They're making the house next door smell like cookies 73 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:03,034 {\an8}so people will subconsciously want to buy it. 74 00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:04,869 {\an8}Oh, come on. 75 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,537 {\an8}What kind of big, fat moron would fall for... 76 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:07,997 {\an8}(sniffs) Cookies! 77 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,958 {\an8}So delicious. Must buy house. 78 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,376 Homer, no! 79 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,461 Marge, get loan preapproved. 80 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:14,754 Offer over asking. 81 00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:17,298 {\an8}Waive inspections. Two-day escrow! 82 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,093 {\an8}Initial the radon disclosure. 83 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:21,719 And done. 84 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,638 Sorry. Someone else has bought the house. 85 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:26,724 {\an8}But my loan has already been sold in pieces to banks, 86 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,769 {\an8}hedge funds and municipalities across the globe. 87 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:35,566 Death to Homer! 88 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,652 At least we'll always have Beowulf. 89 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:38,695 That's not us. 90 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,530 Oh, no! 91 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,032 {\an8}A credenza? 92 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:46,160 {\an8}Credenza? 93 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:50,123 {\an8}Lowboy? Sideboard? 94 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,416 {\an8}Portmanteau? 95 00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,543 {\an8}Mom, it's so superficial to judge 96 00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,713 {\an8}our new neighbor based on his furniture. 97 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,090 (gasps) He drives a hybrid! 98 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,050 LISA: He's got koi! 99 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,468 (sighs happily) 100 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,178 And where there's exotic fish, 101 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,513 there's got to be a... 102 00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:07,348 BOTH: Water feature. 103 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,100 Dames. (groans) 104 00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:12,353 Well, I'm gonna go introduce myself Bart Simpson-style. 105 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,105 (hawks and spits) 106 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,356 Yo. Bart Simpson. 107 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,774 No doubt you read about me 108 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,735 in your nuisance neighbor disclosure. 109 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,069 SIDESHOW BOB VOICE: Hello, Bart. 110 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,279 Huh? Say that again. 111 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,697 Hello, Bart. 112 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,283 Hello, Bart. 113 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:26,826 Hello, Bart! 114 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,953 Hello, Bart. 115 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,955 Hello, BART. 116 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:31,998 (screams) 117 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,750 Sideshow Bob! 118 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:34,834 Side what whom? 119 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,627 (screaming) 120 00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:44,302 (hammering) 121 00:05:44,385 --> 00:05:46,679 Man, you're good with the tools when you want to be. 122 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,056 Why on earth do you think 123 00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:51,476 that harmless-looking man is Sideshow Bob? 124 00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:52,852 BART: I know he doesn't look like him, 125 00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:55,021 but I'll never forget that voice. 126 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:58,316 A lot of people sound like Sideshow Bob. 127 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,109 Like Frasier on Cheers. 128 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,070 Or Frasier on Frasier. 129 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,448 Or Lieutenant Commander Tom Dodge in Down Periscope. 130 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,909 Look, I'm telling you, no matter who he says he is, 131 00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,744 he's really Sideshow Bob. 132 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,372 Honey, his name is Walt Warren, 133 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,374 and he's a very nice man. 134 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,750 He stopped me from driving away 135 00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,919 with my coffee cup on top of the car. 136 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,295 Ah. 137 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,963 Really? Hmm. 138 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,590 Maybe I... 139 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:25,009 (screams) Sideshow Bob! 140 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:30,223 (sighs) 141 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,557 (chuckles) 142 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,768 Stupid kid, fooled by a silhouette. 143 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,438 (gasps) Ooh. 144 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,650 Eh... (gasps) 145 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:41,692 Ice cream? 146 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:46,280 Oh, nothing is ever boobs or ice cream. 147 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:51,702 I'll prove I'm not crazy. 148 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,247 Sideshow Bob could never resist singing along 149 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,124 to a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. 150 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,458 Who am I again? 151 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,544 Yum Yum. I'm Peep-bo. 152 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,339 Mom, Dad, I got the lead! 153 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,091 And a one, and a two, and a... 154 00:07:05,174 --> 00:07:06,968 ♪ Three little maids from school are we ♪ 155 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:08,845 ♪ Pert as a schoolgirl, well can be ♪ 156 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,888 ♪ Filled to the brim with a girlish glee ♪ 157 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,224 ♪ Three little maids from school. ♪ 158 00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:14,642 Uh-oh, Bart. 159 00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:17,019 Who will sing the next verse? 160 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,896 We need a third maid. 161 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:21,816 Maybe someone will step in and help. 162 00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:24,444 ♪ One little maid is a bride, Yum Yum ♪ 163 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,362 ♪ Two little maids in attendance come ♪ 164 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,613 ♪ Three little maids ♪ 165 00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:30,032 ♪ Three little maids ♪ 166 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,993 ♪ Three little maids... ♪ 167 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:33,119 Sorry, gentlemen. 168 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,913 I'm not a fan of that particular style of music. 169 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:39,625 My radio dial never strays from 89.4 "The Spur." 170 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,419 It is a good station, Bart, 171 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:42,837 what with the Morning Cattle Drive 172 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,755 and Armadillo Mike in the afternoon. 173 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,757 And nothing keeps me informed 174 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,927 like Rodeo Rick's News Roundup, 175 00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,095 every hour on the... 176 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,181 Shut up. 177 00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:56,976 I just want to say, I've not only found new neighbors, 178 00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,811 but gained new friends. 179 00:07:58,895 --> 00:08:03,733 And from now on, Wi-Fi in this neighborhood is on me. 180 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,526 (all gasp) 181 00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,362 Ooh, that book I ordered is gonna be delayed. 182 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,533 (grunts) 183 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:13,701 All right, Walt Warren. 184 00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:16,120 Let's see who you really are. 185 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,330 Harmless World, 186 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:18,789 Mild Manners, 187 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,082 Not Mad Magazine, 188 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,334 Nap Fancy, 189 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:22,960 Calm, Comfortable, 190 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:24,587 a "Cuddly Puppies" calendar. 191 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,632 Aw, little guy can't get out of the pumpkin. 192 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,009 (grumbles) There must be something here. 193 00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:33,095 Something, something, something. 194 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,096 -MARGE: Bart? -(startled shout) 195 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,223 What are you doing? 196 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,974 You're indoors at an outdoor party. 197 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,768 Walt is Sideshow Bob, 198 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:39,936 and I'm gonna prove it. 199 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,063 Look. Who needs a knife this big? 200 00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:44,690 It's probably a deboner. 201 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,026 (chuckles) Boner. 202 00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,986 -Mom, I'm scared. -(groans) 203 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:53,533 I can see there's only one way to settle this once and for all. 204 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,828 Okay ma'am, Sideshow Bob's cell 205 00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:59,497 is all the way at the end. 206 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,333 Walk fast and don't call attention to yourself. 207 00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:05,211 Pretty lady in a strapless dress coming through! 208 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:08,214 -Oh, yeah! -Come here, woman! 209 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:10,091 If you were my wife, I never would've killed you! 210 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,051 Thank you. You're very sweet. 211 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:14,220 Nothing is holding up the dress! 212 00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,639 Only her melons! 213 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,933 And here we are. 214 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,768 Sideshow Bob. 215 00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,353 (gasps) 216 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,897 (grunts) I can't see. 217 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,482 Oh, here you go. 218 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,358 Huh? 219 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,151 BART: That is Bob. 220 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,736 Guess I was wrong. 221 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,698 (gibbering) 222 00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,700 We better go. 223 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,827 Pretty lady coming back! 224 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,287 Aw, yeah... yeah! 225 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:41,205 -Come here, baby. -Walkin'... 226 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,916 Guys, guys, I'm married. 227 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,002 -You are? -So sorry. 228 00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:56,012 (gagging) 229 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,096 (gasps) 230 00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,018 (electrical buzzing) 231 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,690 (siren wailing) 232 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,110 (dogs barking) 233 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:27,627 (snoring, muttering) 234 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:38,471 Great day to be alive. 235 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,140 Ah, the paper's here. 236 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,808 -Morning, Marge. -(screams) 237 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,894 Hope I didn't interrupt your petite dejeuner. 238 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,604 Look, I feel terrible that Bart and I 239 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,272 got off on the wrong foot, 240 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,691 and I have an extra ticket to today's baseball game. 241 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,234 Bart, care to come? 242 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,445 They're playing Spokane. 243 00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:55,780 The Cascades? 244 00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:58,574 They totally stole the Federal Cup from us last year. 245 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,700 Can I go, Mom? Can I? 246 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,452 -Is your room clean? -No. 247 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:02,953 Good. That'll give me something to do 248 00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,497 while you're at the game. 249 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,798 Marge, the bathroom scale is lying again. 250 00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:17,635 (screaming) 251 00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:22,181 All right, buddy, I'm gonna do to you 252 00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:25,184 what you should have done to my son a long time ago. 253 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:26,769 (high-pitched voice): I'm not Sideshow Bob. 254 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:28,938 I'm the real Walt Warren. 255 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,148 But that's impossible. 256 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,109 If you're the real Walt Warren, 257 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,695 who's taking our son to the baseball game right now? 258 00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:39,990 Uh, you missed the turn-off, Mr. Warren. 259 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:42,243 You don't have to call me Mr. Warren anymore. 260 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:44,787 You see, Bart, you were right all along. 261 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,042 I am... Sideshow Bob. 262 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,211 -(screaming) -(evil laughter) 263 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:55,005 And now I am free to sing 264 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:58,134 all the Gilbert and Sullivan I damn well please. 265 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:02,138 ♪ Behold the lord high executioner ♪ 266 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,974 ♪ A personage of noble rank and title... ♪ 267 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,143 (humming tune) 268 00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,153 Hmm... 269 00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,237 Hmm...? 270 00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:21,157 I'll prove I'm telling the truth. 271 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,700 Bob has huge feet, right? 272 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,618 Well, look... 273 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:26,370 You see? 274 00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:27,621 (all gasping) 275 00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:30,082 It's like you're a Chinese empress. 276 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,460 You see, I was Bob's cellmate. 277 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:35,045 My new cellmate, Walt Warren, 278 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,922 was the perfect candidate for my plan. 279 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,799 He had the same build as me-- 280 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,761 lacking only my regal bearing and leonine grace. 281 00:12:43,345 --> 00:12:48,184 As a minor offender, he was scheduled for early release. 282 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,402 Say, Bob, why do you keep measuring my face? 283 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,321 Just passing the time, bunky. 284 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:03,616 Well, I guess it beats what the last guy did. 285 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,743 Well, nighty-night. 286 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,120 And nighty-night to you. 287 00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:09,789 (grunts) 288 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,667 (thunder crashing) 289 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,795 SIDESHOW BOB: I began by removing Walt's face. 290 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,927 (blows) Five-second rule. 291 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,720 That was the easy part. 292 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,097 The hard part was removing my own face. 293 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:31,811 Luckily, as Krusty's sidekick, I'd been hit with so many pies 294 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,188 that my face had lost all sensation. 295 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,397 (screams in pain) 296 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:36,649 Or so I thought. 297 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,901 (screaming) 298 00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,199 (thunder crashing) 299 00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:48,536 The final reattachment was a mere bagatelle. 300 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,162 Or so I thought. 301 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,622 (sighs) 302 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,876 They returned Walt's possessions to me. 303 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,003 Keys, cell phone, 304 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,047 $143,000. 305 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,340 Oh! 306 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,217 It was only $27,000 when you came in, 307 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,802 but, uh, we invested it well. 308 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:07,096 -Would you like a commission? -Not allowed. 309 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,557 And I walked out free as a bird. 310 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,731 I bought the house next to you, and here we are. 311 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:20,734 So I just have to kill you, then sell the house. 312 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:22,736 Selling the house will be murder. 313 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,531 You could just rent it till the market recovers... 314 00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,283 which'll be never. 315 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:28,826 (evil laughter) 316 00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:34,874 Walt, why didn't you tell your story to the guards? 317 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:38,168 Well, I tried to, but I had trouble moving my new lips. 318 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,795 They heard me babbling, 319 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:44,049 thought I was crazy, and threw me into a padded cell. 320 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,553 I tried to warn you by writing "Bart Simpson will die" 321 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,805 on the walls, but you ignored me. 322 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,808 You have to admit, "Bart Simpson Will Die" 323 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,894 was kind of open to interpretation. 324 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,437 I'm not a writer. 325 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,315 And I'm not a locksmith. 326 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,659 Man, that dude does not like Bart. 327 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:13,329 (gasps) I know where Bob's taking Bart. 328 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,171 (muffled yelling) 329 00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,382 Another cup of coffee, handsome? 330 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,884 It's on the house. 331 00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,845 Well, that's kind of you, Joyce, but caffeine makes me jittery, 332 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,848 and I have a task ahead of me which requires a firm hand. 333 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,852 Ooh, I like a man with a firm hand. 334 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,855 Hey, looks like you've got a loose thread on your collar. 335 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,190 No, don't. 336 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,816 (screams) 337 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,570 My face. My beautiful, borrowed face. 338 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:50,950 Come back! 339 00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,952 I don't care if you don't have a face. 340 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,829 I just need something warm to cuddle at night! 341 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:59,083 Excuse me. Have you seen this man? 342 00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,668 Yeah, I've seen him. 343 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:03,837 He, uh, said he was driving down to Mexico. 344 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:04,922 Mexico? 345 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,048 Ándale! Ándale! 346 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,007 Arriba! 347 00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,092 I don't believe her. 348 00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:10,552 I think she fell in love with my face, 349 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,554 and she's trying to throw us off the scent. 350 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,224 Walt, it's a nice face, 351 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:19,269 but I don't think it would drive a professional waitress to lie. 352 00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:20,729 Well, fine. You go to Mexico. 353 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,606 I'm going to Five Corners. 354 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,151 Hey, handsome. 355 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,028 Is that a loose thread on your collar? 356 00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,698 (groaning) 357 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:36,912 All the good men are either gay or have no face. 358 00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:40,833 Welcome to the Five Corners, 359 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,210 the only geographic location in the U.S. 360 00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,628 where five states meet, 361 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,339 and where you will meet your doom. 362 00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,799 Come on, Bob. 363 00:16:48,882 --> 00:16:50,467 You don't need to kill me. 364 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:51,844 I'll probably kill myself pretty soon 365 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:53,804 with all the stupid things I do. 366 00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,723 Oh, no! I swallowed my tongue! 367 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,017 (gagging) 368 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,562 Yes, I would be a fool. 369 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:02,938 Unless I did it here, 370 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,025 where your murder will be unprosecutable. 371 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:10,320 You know, the great ones can kill without explaining. 372 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:13,240 I can stand in one state, fire a gun in a second state. 373 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:16,076 The bullet will travel through the third, hitting you 374 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,745 in the fourth so you fall dead in the fifth. 375 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,663 No single act is against any law. 376 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:22,583 But their sum total is the greatest murder 377 00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:25,711 since Snape killed Dumbledore. 378 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,713 Oh, I haven't gotten to that part yet. 379 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,256 It's a four-year-old book. 380 00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:31,133 I'm a slow reader. 381 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:32,760 A fitting epitaph. 382 00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:35,888 (sighs) It means last words. 383 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,848 Are you here to teach me, or to kill me? 384 00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:42,644 What in the name of Malcolm Muggeridge are you doing? 385 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,521 Ruining your plan. If you shoot me 386 00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,066 while we're in the same state, you go to jail. 387 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,817 (grunting with each step) 388 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,073 Oh! (mutters) 389 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,785 Fine. I'll just shoot you, and tell people I did the plan. 390 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,329 (grunts) 391 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,414 Not today, Bob. 392 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,625 See, Bob, even you hate to see you. 393 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:08,045 Now Bob, you take my face off nice and easy 394 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,880 and kick it over here. 395 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:14,093 Oh! There's a bee under my cheek! 396 00:18:15,385 --> 00:18:16,845 Hey! Hey, no! 397 00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,516 Help us! Help us! For the love of God, 398 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:21,975 won't somebody help us? 399 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,436 -Sí. -Uh, yes, I'd like... um... 400 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,980 -How do you say taco in Mexican? -Taco. 401 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:30,067 -Yes, that's exactly the word I want to translate. -Taco. 402 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:32,778 -Homer, can we please find Bart? -Oh, yeah, yeah, right. 403 00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,072 Uh, just give me one of those crispy shells with meat in it. 404 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,698 -Taco? -Oh! 405 00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,997 Walt, because I like your face, 406 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,291 I'll let you decide which state I kill you in. 407 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,377 Okay, uh... Hawaii. 408 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,212 Choosing privilege revoked. 409 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,632 Hold it right there, Switches of Eastface. 410 00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,217 Switches of Eastface? 411 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,635 I don't want to censor myself. 412 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,804 That's how creativity dies. 413 00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,682 Aah! Blasted Wiggum! How did you find us? 414 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:05,144 You see, Bob, Bart was never convinced you were Walt. 415 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,979 So before he left for the game, 416 00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:09,565 he called us and warned us to track you. 417 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,608 Which we were able to do through the dashboard of 418 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,945 your car, which, like all hybrids, is secretly monitored 419 00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:16,071 by the government. 420 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,197 Bravo, Chief. 421 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,157 Or should I say, Clancy? 422 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,158 Yeah, thanks... 423 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:22,035 Wait a minute-- why so familiar? 424 00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,622 Because I'm afraid you don't have jurisdiction in this state. 425 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,502 (in Southern accent): Welcome to my jurisdiction. 426 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,297 (with Minnesota accent): You just, uh, go ahead 427 00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:35,174 and put your hands up there, mister. 428 00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:41,430 (with New Jersey accent): Oh. You got the right to remain silent over here. Oh. 429 00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:46,101 We're takin' you in. 430 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,478 But first, we're gonna make a stop at the shore 431 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,523 for some Skee-Ball and funnel cakes. Oh! 432 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:58,322 Oh, Bart, I am so glad everything's okay. 433 00:19:58,405 --> 00:19:59,990 Well, not everything. 434 00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:03,535 Apparently someone switched your face with a butt. 435 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:04,995 (laughs) 436 00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,788 (groans) 437 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,461 Well, whoever moves in, 438 00:20:12,544 --> 00:20:15,714 it can't be worse than having a murderer next door. 439 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,884 Howdilly-dowdilly, next-door-oonies. 440 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,385 Howdy, Cousin Ted. 441 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:21,720 Howdy do to you, Cousin Ned. 442 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,222 How are Roddy and Toddy? 443 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,891 Flantastic times two. How are Connie and Bonnie? 444 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,143 Dandy as candy, like every good Flandy. 445 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,103 Glad to hear it, thank the Holy Spirit. 446 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:33,315 Glad to say it, and now the girls will "yay" it. 447 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,692 -GIRLS: Yay. -Stop! Stop! Stop! 448 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,656 (chattering) 449 00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:23,573 Shh! 450 00:21:26,743 --> 00:21:28,745 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem