1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:06,256
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,678
(exclaiming)

3
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,601
(school bell ringing)

4
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,063
(belches)

5
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:23,940
(whistle blows)

6
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,358
(yells)

7
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,781
(beeping)

8
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:38,872
(playing the blues)

9
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:43,585
(playing the blues)

10
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,213
(tires screeching)

11
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,011
(gunfire)

12
00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,976
-(horn beeps)
-(gasps)

13
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,315
D'oh!

14
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,027
{\an8}ALL:
Hmm?

15
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:10,862
{\an8}-(all gasp)
-(siren wailing)

16
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,113
{\an8}(tires squealing)

17
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,786
(tires screeching)

18
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,038
(guns cocking)

19
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,875
-MAN: Number two.
-(Homer grunts)

20
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,293
(playing blues harmonica)

21
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,465
-(electrical crackling)
-(all screaming)

22
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,592
(theme song resumes)

23
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:40,016
<i>♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪</i>

24
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:46,189
("Wedding March" plays)

25
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,941
(all cheer)

26
00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:51,528
(romantic music plays)

27
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,246
(romantic music continues)

28
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,142
(yelling)

29
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,060
(laughs)

30
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,566
(harp playing)

31
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,528
(yelling and screaming)

32
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(yelling)

33
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,912
{\an8}(kids laugh)

34
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,164
{\an8}BART:
Aw...

35
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:46,583
{\an8}Oh, I thought we were
going to breakfast.

36
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,585
{\an8}First we're visiting Grampa.

37
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,753
{\an8}No fair!
We just went to church!

38
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,422
{\an8}Yeah,
so we've already heard stories

39
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:55,550
{\an8}from thousands of years ago
about stuff that didn't happen.

40
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:56,718
{\an8}Oh!

41
00:02:56,801 --> 00:02:58,928
{\an8}I have an important
announcement to make.

42
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,638
{\an8}I've had a lot of time to think

43
00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:04,893
{\an8}since my hands got too shaky
to play cards. D'oh!

44
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,228
{\an8}It's not your fault, Grampa.

45
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:09,939
{\an8}These cards are too slippery.
See?

46
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:14,235
{\an8}(groaning)

47
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,196
{\an8}Damn it!

48
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:20,450
{\an8}Anywhen, I've decided to give
y'all your inheritance now.

49
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:21,451
{\an8}(excited murmurs)

50
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,620
{\an8}Are you sure about that, Grampa?

51
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,956
{\an8}(chuckles) I just want to see
the look on your faces

52
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:31,085
{\an8}when I share with you the fruits
of a lifetime of labor.

53
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,380
{\an8}(humming to himself)

54
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,049
{\an8}50 bucks each?!

55
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:38,384
{\an8}That's your life savings?!

56
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,637
{\an8}This won't even cover the vig
on what I owe!

57
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:46,017
{\an8}Well, I lost the rest
investing in a Broadway musical

58
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,853
{\an8}based on the real-life story
of Eddie Gaedel,

59
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,814
{\an8}the midget who had one
big league at-bat.

60
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:57,320
{\an8}I even wrote a song for American
League president Will Harridge!

61
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,655
<i>(jazzy show tune plays)</i>

62
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:01,491
<i>♪ What do I do with this</i>
<i>damn little man? ♪</i>

63
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:05,453
<i>♪ His strike zone's the size</i>
<i>of a tuna fish can! ♪</i>

64
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:14,170
{\an8}<i>♪ His strike zone's the size</i>
<i>of a tuna fish can ♪</i>

65
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,172
{\an8}Now remember what Grampa said:

66
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,925
{\an8}you can spend the money
any way you want.

67
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,927
{\an8}(chuckles) I just paid
some loser 50 bucks

68
00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:24,264
{\an8}to walk up the down escalator
all day.

69
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,266
{\an8}(humming to himself)

70
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,018
{\an8}I bet it's 11:00.
I bet it's 11:00!

71
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,438
{\an8}Oh, 9:15?!

72
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,858
{\an8}Hmm, I think I'll look
for a new handbag.

73
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,735
(humming to herself)

74
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,280
Ooh, so many celebrities
have their own label:

75
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,740
Princess Penelope, Booberella,

76
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:47,912
The Real Housewives of Ogdenville,
even Scratchy.

77
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:51,124
{\an8}Oh... I wonder how much
that one is.

78
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:52,917
{\an8}Gotta look without looking
like I'm looking.

79
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,379
{\an8}(gasps) Yes!

80
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,631
{\an8}I'd like this bag, please.

81
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,174
{\an8}Marge Simpson!

82
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,885
{\an8}Are you buying a Marc Fredericks
signature handbag?

83
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,804
{\an8}Why wouldn't I?

84
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,724
{\an8}Well... those bags <i>are</i>
pretty pricey.

85
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,934
{\an8}Hey, my husband makes
good money,

86
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,394
{\an8}and we can certainly afford...

87
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:14,230
{\an8}-That'll be $500.
-(gasps)

88
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,233
{\an8}Oh, I didn't realize...

89
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,735
{\an8}What's the matter, Marge?

90
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,154
{\an8}Just remembered
your husband's not a doctor?

91
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,156
{\an8}Oh, my God,
you are so burned!

92
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,409
{\an8}I'll take it!

93
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:27,577
{\an8}ALL:
Ooh!

94
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,037
{\an8}Well done, Marge.

95
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,499
{\an8}If you're looking for a bag hag,
I'm your man. Okay?

96
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,252
{\an8}But stay on my good side,
girlfriend.

97
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,837
{\an8}Or... uh-oh!

98
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,674
{\an8}HOMER:
$500?!

99
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,885
{\an8}That's, like, ten dead Grampas!

100
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,803
{\an8}Some of us stuck
to our limit, Marge.

101
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:49,474
{\an8}And I would've loved to rent
this carpet cleaner another day!

102
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,684
Is that the cat in there?!

103
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,270
Well, it's <i>a </i>cat.
I'm not sure it's <i>the </i>cat.

104
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,189
(yowls)

105
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,066
Don't worry, Homer,

106
00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,442
I'll return the handbag

107
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:01,527
first thing tomorrow.

108
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,947
You know what, honey?

109
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,241
Just because we can't afford
to keep that handbag

110
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,078
doesn't mean that
you two can't have one night

111
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,121
at the most glamorous
place in town.

112
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,376
(light piano music playing)

113
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,127
(sighs)
Right this way.

114
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,178
(humming to himself)

115
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:29,263
(grunts)

116
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:32,517
Well, at least it's a good place
to see celebrities.

117
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:35,395
It's not what you think!

118
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:39,148
I'm researching a movie
where I play myself.

119
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,441
(sighs)

120
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,319
Wait a minute.
Is that bag Marc Fredericks?

121
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,570
Mm-hmm.

122
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,657
You know, a much nicer table
just opened up!

123
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:48,908
(Chief Wiggum grunts)

124
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,912
Mmm!

125
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,497
(chuckles)
After Bart,

126
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,583
that bag's the best
mistake we ever made.

127
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,879
I'm gonna go, uh,
study the menu.

128
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,089
Heh.

129
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,259
So, I want to honor Grampa

130
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,511
by giving my inheritance
to charity.

131
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:10,513
But which one?

132
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:13,975
Ooh, what's this?

133
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:20,648
<i>MALE ANNOUNCER: Most banks</i>
<i>are for the haves, not the have-nots.</i>

134
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:24,902
I'm sorry, but we simply
can't accept your collateral.

135
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:28,531
I am just a goat,
but even I know that a peasant

136
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,075
in an emerging economy
can't get a break.

137
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,995
She needs a microloan.

138
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,997
<i>A guilty first-worlder lends</i>

139
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,582
<i>$50 or more</i>
<i>to the microloan bank,</i>

140
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,459
<i>who uses it to help my owner</i>

141
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:40,751
<i>finance her business.</i>

142
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:41,836
Working together,

143
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,379
we can help people
help themselves!

144
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,798
And now, apparently,
I am a girl.

145
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,842
{\an8}(giggling)

146
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:49,886
{\an8}(giggling, gasping)

147
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,262
{\an8}Mmm...

148
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:52,763
<i>-(chuckling continues)</i>
-Hmm.

149
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:55,349
Come on, Marge,
let's hit the buffet.

150
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:56,893
You go ahead; I'll stay here.

151
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,769
If I get something
on this handbag,

152
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,771
I won't be able to return it.

153
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,773
Oh, you don't want
to wait for that buffet.

154
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,275
Wiggum's making his move!

155
00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,736
(grunting)

156
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,446
I need backup, Lou.

157
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:11,115
<i>(over radio)</i>
<i>Get two plates and follow me.</i>

158
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:14,535
(quietly) Uh, Chief, not now;
I'm undercover.

159
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:15,786
Oh, it's like that, huh?

160
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,121
The minute you go undercover,

161
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,165
you act like you
don't even know me!

162
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:22,126
He'll turn on you, too,
Fat Tony, you just wait!

163
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:25,338
(nervous laugh)

164
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,676
Mm, I suppose I should
get something to eat.

165
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,308
-(gasps)
-Hey!

166
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:38,601
Waah...!

167
00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,312
(gasping)

168
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,940
Oh, thank God!

169
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,193
I can take that for you.

170
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,362
(dramatic music plays)

171
00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,030
(gasps, grunts)

172
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:53,115
Homer, take me home!

173
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,659
Sure, sure!

174
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:57,537
(grunts) Let me just
grab one more shrimp.

175
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,121
(chomps)

176
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,381
Boy, I bet that looked cool
in super slow motion.

177
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,341
Too bad we saw it
in regular motion.

178
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:11,926
Yeah, I got bigger
problems, Chief.

179
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,720
I'm in love with
the don's daughter!

180
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,806
But which me does she love?

181
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:17,974
(mutters)
I don't know.

182
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:23,062
LISA:
Hmm...

183
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,106
<i>Thank you so much</i>
<i>for clicking on me.</i>

184
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,400
<i>I am Muhammad Yunus,</i>
<i>founder of the Grameen Bank,</i>

185
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:30,611
<i>and, oh yeah, I'm also</i>
<i>the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize.</i>

186
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:35,408
<i>To find an entrepreneur you want</i>
<i>to lend to, click on my nose...</i>

187
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:36,742
<i>if you can catch it.</i>

188
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,077
<i>It's up here!</i>

189
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,036
<i>Now down here!</i>

190
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,288
<i>-Too slow!</i>
-(laughs)

191
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:42,415
<i>Okay, I'll hold still.</i>
<i>No, I won't.</i>

192
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:43,624
<i>-Ha-ha!</i>
-Got it!

193
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,585
<i>YUNUS:</i>
<i>Good-bye!</i>

194
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,253
Let's see, I could help someone

195
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,297
in any impoverished
area on Earth.

196
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,590
Bangladesh.

197
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:51,882
Bolivia.

198
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,927
(gasps)
East Springfield?

199
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:01,183
<i>My name is Nelson Mandela Muntz.</i>

200
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,101
Nelson?

201
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,269
<i>And my dream is</i>

202
00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:05,813
<i>to make and market</i>
<i>custom bicycles.</i>

203
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:08,149
<i>Nelson! My dream</i>
<i>is to make enough money</i>

204
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:12,278
<i>so's I can get the rest</i>
<i>of this tattoo removed.</i>

205
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,905
<i>Sorry I wasted your time.</i>

206
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,908
<i>No fool would take a chance</i>
<i>on a loser like me.</i>

207
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:23,247
I will. I'll take a chance on you,
Nelson Muntz.

208
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,501
<i>Nelson, I gotta take this computer</i>
<i>to the pawn shop,</i>

209
00:10:27,585 --> 00:10:30,171
<i>so's we can get White Castle</i>
<i>for your birthday.</i>

210
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:39,930
{\an8}So, Nelson, I see you
started a small business.

211
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,265
{\an8}Yeah.

212
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,392
Some anonymous dude
sent me 50 bucks.

213
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,771
Probably someone cool like
Famous Amos or Ba Ba Booey.

214
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,190
And I'm gonna justify
his faith in me.

215
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,692
Well, whoever your
mysterious donor is,

216
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:55,446
he, or she, <i>really</i>
wants you to succeed.

217
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,405
Ding-dong!

218
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,282
Ooh, your first customer!

219
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,284
-Be nice.
-Right. Nice.

220
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,244
Good day, Mr. Barf-Breath.

221
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,829
Good day to you.

222
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:07,583
Let me be frank.
Everyone thinks you're a wuss.

223
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,794
So, we'll change the pink to black,

224
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:11,212
elevate the seat--

225
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,588
trust me, it's slimming--

226
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,966
and change this wicker basket
to no basket.

227
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,678
-Do you like it?
-(chuckling) Oh, I love it!

228
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,055
-Hmm!
-Hmm!

229
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,432
Wow, my first job.

230
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,352
Tonight I'm having
peanut butter <i>and </i>jelly.

231
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,771
No more PB <i>or </i>J for me.

232
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,189
(giggling)

233
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,779
Stay cool, Marge.
Stay cool.

234
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,781
(takes deep breath)

235
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,033
I'd like to return this handbag.

236
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,076
Unused.

237
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,161
(loud)
I believe this stranger!

238
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,627
Well, here's your refund.

239
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,046
(sighs)

240
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,008
(chuckles)

241
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,720
Check and mate.

242
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,138
Thank God!

243
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,223
I will never do that again.

244
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:05,641
Wait a minute, Marge.

245
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,977
Don't you realize
what just happened?

246
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,521
You got to enjoy that bag
for nothing!

247
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:12,356
We can buy stuff
we can't afford,

248
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,150
temporarily own
the hell out of it,

249
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:17,361
and then indignantly bring
it back for a full refund.

250
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,487
(chuckling)

251
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,364
Hide a sandwich in this hat.

252
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,075
"Mary Poppins" myself to work
with this umbrella.

253
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,870
Homie, you know what happens
when you push your luck...

254
00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,122
Yeah, the luck lasts longer!

255
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:32,084
Thanks to the power of returns,
this store is our closet!

256
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,419
(booming laugh)

257
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:35,171
(worried murmur)

258
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,840
Ooh, a message
from my small business person!

259
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,175
(giggles)

260
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,177
<i>Dear anonymous investor,</i>

261
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,763
<i>here is my update</i>
<i>on my small business.</i>

262
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,056
<i>(excitedly)</i>
<i>I'm making money fist over face!</i>

263
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,600
<i>Dingus!</i>

264
00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:49,477
<i>Great timing!</i>

265
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,145
<i>Awesome!</i>

266
00:12:51,228 --> 00:12:54,565
<i>No way I can look nerdy</i>
<i>on this bike.</i>

267
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:57,568
<i>♪ Hot cross buns,</i>
<i>hot cross buns ♪</i>

268
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,361
<i>♪ One a penny, two a penny ♪</i>

269
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,280
<i>♪ Hot cross buns ♪</i>

270
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,449
<i>And, with the money I'm making,</i>

271
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:06,118
<i>I can treat my mom</i>
<i>the way she deserves!</i>

272
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,662
<i>This place is so fancy, Nelson.</i>

273
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,749
<i>The ketchup packets</i>
<i>are made of glass.</i>

274
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,542
<i>(humming)</i>

275
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,961
<i>NELSON: Ma, please.</i>
<i>You're not at work.</i>

276
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,382
(doorbell ringing)

277
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,593
Come in. Come in.

278
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:25,513
{\an8}Don't wipe your feet.

279
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,389
Whoa, look at
all this stuff!

280
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,683
Did you find a mouse head
in your Cuppa-Soup?

281
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,352
I wish. (chuckles)

282
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:33,103
(gasps)
What the hell are you doing?!

283
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,439
With this protective plastic
overlay, I can't tell

284
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:38,692
if I'm watching an old <i>Seinfeld</i>
or an old <i>Old Christine.</i>

285
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,195
Now, everyone onto the hot tub.

286
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:43,572
(humming to himself)

287
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,491
(grunting)

288
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:47,117
Come on on.

289
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,619
The cardboard's fine.

290
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,454
(chuckles)

291
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:51,956
Hi, Nelson.

292
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,833
Here again, huh, Lis?

293
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,960
I guess now
that I'm a success,

294
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,128
you want to get
back together with me.

295
00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,089
Dolph called it.

296
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,217
No, but there is something
I can't hold back anymore.

297
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,511
I'm your microfinance donor!

298
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:08,722
You're L-Simpson-Jazzgirl?

299
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,267
Oh, my God.
I owe you everything.

300
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,102
Well, I didn't do this for thanks,

301
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,562
but if you want to thank me,

302
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:17,731
I can stand here and listen
for as long as it takes.

303
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,024
I'm sure you can.

304
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,776
Lisa, if it weren't for you,

305
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,195
I never would have achieved
the kind of success

306
00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,364
that has allowed me
to quit school.

307
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,032
You're quitting school?!

308
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,618
Dropping it like a melon
off an overpass.

309
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,246
But don't you know that people
who don't go to college

310
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:34,415
make three percent less
than people who do?

311
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,250
Lisa, thanks to you,

312
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,210
and Nobel laureate
Mohammad Yunus,

313
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,796
I can do... this!

314
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,757
Spelling, meet F-Y-R-E.

315
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:46,552
(gasps, shudders)

316
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,142
Principal Skinner,
I need to convince Nelson

317
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,602
to come back to school.

318
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,395
Seriously? Why?
With Nelson gone,

319
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,106
lunch money's finally making
its way to the cafeteria.

320
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:02,067
Nurples are returning
to their natural, non-purple hue.

321
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:05,613
Besides, I hear he's doing
quite well with his bicycle pimpery.

322
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:09,366
He is. He's paying people
$11 an hour to work for him.

323
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,910
$11 an hour?

324
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,328
That's night watchman money.

325
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,663
Maybe I should have
a chat with him.

326
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,041
Which of these ties
says confidence?

327
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,626
Isn't that a Christmas tie?

328
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,085
It's a conversation starter!

329
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:21,795
Lisa, this conversation is over.

330
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,048
It's not you I'm trying to impress,
it's Nelson.

331
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,216
I know
he likes the sleeveless look.

332
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,718
CHALMERS:
Skinner!

333
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:32,640
Oh. Oh, so you also heard
about the, uh, $11 an hour.

334
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,308
I heard about it first.

335
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:37,728
Yes, well, you see
the thing about that is... Blah!

336
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:41,523
(humming to himself)

337
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:42,942
Good afternoon.

338
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,985
I'd like to return
this merchandise.

339
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:48,155
"Wrong size, wrong color,
not as pictured,

340
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:51,158
and other reason
please explain."

341
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,496
Sir, this suitcase has
an airline tag on it,

342
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,623
these ping-pong balls have
been served and volleyed,

343
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,083
and this hot plate's
still warm.

344
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,459
(hissing)

345
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:03,712
Yes, uh... maybe
I'll just come back

346
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,297
during someone else's shift.

347
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:06,882
Is Claire working today?

348
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,300
She's a real sucker.

349
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,761
Let me get my supervisor.

350
00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:13,889
-Hello, Homer.
-(gasps) How do you know my name?

351
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,309
I'm Chris Hansen
from <i>To Catch a Credit-Whore.</i>

352
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:20,104
We know you've been returning
used items all over town.

353
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,314
(chuckles)
Oh, it's not what you think...

354
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:25,734
I came here to warn them-- yes,
to-to warn them about, um...

355
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,862
-People like you?
-Yes! I mean, no! I mean...

356
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:31,073
(shrieks)
You'll never get me!

357
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:35,577
I have to sign a release
so you can broadcast this, right?

358
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,333
Initial there, and...
Never!

359
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,752
Can you tell me
when this is gonna be on?

360
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,295
I'm thinking of having a party.

361
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,804
Lisa, why did you bring me here?

362
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,222
Oh, I don't know.

363
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,057
I thought one
of these super-successful people

364
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,643
might tell you how important
it is to stay in school.

365
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:03,897
Why, look. It's Mark Zuckerberg,
the founder of Facebook!

366
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,608
Mr. Zuckerberg, I'm Lisa,

367
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,027
and this is Nelson.

368
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,528
S'up, Zuck?

369
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:10,946
"Mark Zuckerberg is...

370
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,449
happy to meet new friends."

371
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,534
That's great,
Mr. Zuckerberg,

372
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:17,286
but I was hoping
you could tell us

373
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,789
how education was
instrumental to your success.

374
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,542
Well, the truth is...
I dropped out of Harvard.

375
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,128
-You did?
-Better earnin' than learnin'!

376
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,464
Hell, yeah!
I'll get the best kind of degree--

377
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:30,132
honorary, baby!

378
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,718
Well, clearly, you're an exception.

379
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,721
Am I, Lisa?
Bill Gates-- dropout.

380
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:38,182
Virgin Airlines'
Richard Branson-- dropout.

381
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:41,894
Well... didn't anybody here
stay in school?

382
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:45,022
MAN: I did.
Graduated magna cum lade.

383
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,357
There, you see?

384
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:48,734
I'm afraid

385
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,611
I haven't done
too well for myself.

386
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:53,530
But I can certainly appreciate
the irony of it.

387
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:57,576
(playful grunting and laughter)

388
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:07,961
So, how did everyone do
with their $50?

389
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,755
Well, I learned a valuable lesson

390
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,799
about wanting more
than I can afford.

391
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,550
Marge, you couldn't have fun

392
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,719
if you were a monkey
on a banana boat!

393
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,347
I used Grampa's money
to try to help someone in need,

394
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,474
but it didn't go the way
I expected.

395
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,519
Aw, sweetie,
money can't change people.

396
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,979
It can just help them
be who they are.

397
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,773
I gave a bum a dollar once,

398
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,901
and he used it to buy
an Ellery Queen mystery.

399
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:33,946
But there was one mystery
Ellery Queen couldn't solve--

400
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,740
why a man was named Ellery.

401
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,450
But my point is,

402
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:42,913
whatever I said before I started
talking about Ellery Queen.

403
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:49,253
Nelson, I just wanted to say
that I realize now

404
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:54,091
you can't be anyone else other
than who you are, and... huh?

405
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:57,678
Look, everyone, just chill out!

406
00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,638
My <i>Wizard of Oz</i> bike
fell apart

407
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,473
in the middle
of the Pride parade!

408
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:02,933
What kind of pride?

409
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:05,352
Never you mind what kind!
Fix my bike!

410
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:07,688
I want my money back!

411
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:11,024
Fine. Here's exactly
what you paid me.

412
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,609
Thank you!

413
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:15,612
Oh! Why is this happening?

414
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:19,199
Uh, this epoxy you've been using
is water soluble,

415
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,577
which means it's not
weather-resistant.

416
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,287
Dumb it down for me.

417
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:27,541
Um... bike... sticky...
water... go bye-bye?

418
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:30,043
Some sticky water stay-stay?

419
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,044
All bye-bye.

420
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,380
-Oh!
-Hi, Nelson.

421
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:36,216
-Lisa, I've been thinking and...
-(metal clanking)

422
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,636
It fell apart when I was trying
to impress this cute girl.

423
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,388
My grandma!

424
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:44,099
Maybe I could use
a little more school.

425
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,392
You can't break us up.

426
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:46,935
We were like a family here.

427
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,854
Kearney and I
are having brunch on Sunday.

428
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:50,147
If I'm up.

429
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:52,399
Listen, what say
we go back to the school?

430
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:56,403
I'll help you out with a little
micro-financing of my own.

431
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,281
$50! I can buy paint
for the art class,

432
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,783
instead of those crushed-up
berries I find in the woods.

433
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,078
And Lisa, I've got a little left
that I'd like to spend on you.

434
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,496
(organ playing waltz)

435
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,956
(giggling)

436
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,417
This is really fun.

437
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,419
But we're still
just friends, right?

438
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:13,795
Right. Friends.

439
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,215
Can I hold your hand...
for balance?

440
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,508
Sure... for balance.

441
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:21,929
(smooching)

442
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,805
-(squeals)
-Haw haw!

443
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,224
Sorry.

444
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,767
Haw haw!

445
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,268
(laughs) Sorry.

446
00:20:31,104 --> 00:20:32,981
Oh! (grunts)

447
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,733
Whoa! Oh!

448
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:39,571
"Mark Zuckerberg is..."

449
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,582
{\an8}<i>-(thudding)</i>
<i>-NELSON: Haw haw!</i>

450
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,042
{\an8}<i>LISA: Sorry.</i>

451
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:54,628
{\an8}(theme song playing)

452
00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,209
Shh!

453
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:39,965
{\an8}Subtitled by Andrea Stocker