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{\an8}<i>CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

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{\an8}(squawks)

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{\an8}(theme music playing)

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(gasps)

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(school bell ringing)

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(Barney belches)

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-(whistle blows)
-(yells)

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(tires screeching)

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D'oh!

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-(tires screeching)
-(grunts)

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(dreamlike music plays)

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{\an8}(somber music plays)

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{\an8}<i>♪ Who's that lady? ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ Who's that lady? ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ Beautiful lady ♪</i>

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{\an8}♪ <i>Who's that lady?</i> ♪

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{\an8}<i>-♪ Lovely lady ♪</i>
-(kids murmuring)

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{\an8}<i>-♪ Who's that lady? ♪</i>
<i>-♪ Real fine... ♪</i>

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{\an8}Wow! She's everything I want to be!

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{\an8}<i>♪ Calling out to you 'cause</i>
<i>it's all that I can do ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ Your eyes tell me to pursue ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ But you say,</i>
<i>"Look, yeah, but don't touch, baby" ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ No, no, no, don't touch... ♪</i>

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{\an8}What's a babe like her

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{\an8}doing with a brown banana like Skinner?

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{\an8}Maybe she's one of those sexy
school supply company reps.

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{\an8}If that's true,
where's her suitcase with wheels, Bart?

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{\an8}Where's her suitcase with wheels?

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{\an8}(grunting)

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{\an8}CHALMERS:
Ah, if it isn't Eavesdrop Ernie

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{\an8}and the Listen-In Bunch.

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{\an8}I'd like you boys to meet
Dahlia Brinkley.

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{\an8}She's the only
Springfield Elementary alum

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{\an8}ever to advance to the Ivy League!

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{\an8}There's a car in the parking lot
with a Yale sticker on it.

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{\an8}(gasps) It's gotta be you!

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{\an8}I just graduated from Yale,

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{\an8}and thought I'd pay a visit, from Yale,

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{\an8}to the little school where it all began.

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{\an8}(laughs)

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{\an8}I plan to attend
an Ivy League school myself.

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{\an8}I do have a 4.0 GPA.

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{\an8}She can do the kind of math
that has letters.

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{\an8}Watch. What's "X," Lisa?

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{\an8}Well, that depends.

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{\an8}Sorry. She did it yesterday.

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{\an8}I believe you.
What else have you got?

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{\an8}Um, I'm treasurer of the Jazz Club,

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{\an8}<i>and </i>started the school's
recycling society.

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{\an8}(sheepish giggling)

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{\an8}Nice. And?

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{\an8}-Uh, that's it.
-Two clubs?

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{\an8}Well, that's a bridge bid,
not an Ivy League application.

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{\an8}But I'm only in second grade.

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{\an8}By your age,
I'd been the dominant force in dozens

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{\an8}-of extracurricular activities.
-Quite so.

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{\an8}Just take a look at her yearbook.

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{\an8}<i>♪ The boys next door,</i>
<i>the mums and dads ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ New weds and nearly deads ♪</i>

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{\an8}<i>♪ Have you ever been had in Clubland? ♪</i>

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{\an8}Wonderful year.

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{\an8}Same year we got
new playground sand.

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{\an8}-Yes, it was.
-Mm-hmm.

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{\an8}(Lisa grunting)

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{\an8}Thrust! Parry! Dodge!

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{\an8}Poke! Come on, Maggie.

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{\an8}I need to get good at fencing

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{\an8}so I can put it on my resume
and get into Yale.

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{\an8}Don't be scared.

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{\an8}I won't hurt my widdle sister.

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(triumphant music plays)

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Hey... Whoa, whoa!

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Ooh!

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{\an8}(gasps)

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(grunts) Oh!

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{\an8}Sweetie, you can still go to McGill--

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{\an8}the Harvard of Canada.

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{\an8}Anything that's the something
of the something

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{\an8}isn't really the anything of anything.

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{\an8}(doorbell rings)

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Hello, Flanders.

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Don't you have a neighbor
on the other side?

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Indeedily-doodily I do,

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and I love him just as much as you.

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It's a Flanders sandwich
with great neighbor bread!

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(groans)

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Bart, call me Walter Matthau,
'cause I'm a bad-news bearer.

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I'm resigning as manager
of your Little League team.

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What?! Why?!

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In the last game, our shortstop
hit a long foul ball,

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but the umpire called it a home run,

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and I let it go without saying a word.

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I just don't like the monster
I've become.

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(sighs)

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{\an8}Oh. But without a coach, we can't play!

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{\an8}Homie, maybe you could do it.

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Sorry, Marge. Last time I stepped

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on a baseball field, I got tased.

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You know, someday these kids
will be out of the house,

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and you'll regret not spending
more time with them.

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That's a problem for future Homer.

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Man, I don't envy that guy.

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(thud, gasping)

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Can't play baseball.
What am I gonna do?

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Son, how would you like
to spend the summer

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building wooden boats by hand
with master craftsmen?

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How'd you like to kiss my ass?

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NELSON:
Look at me, I'm Whitey Ford!

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-(kids chattering)
-Huh?

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What's going on?

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We got a new coach!

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Awesome! Who is it?

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-It's me.
-Lisa?!

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What, you can't stand the idea

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of a girl coaching
a boy's baseball team?

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No, we can't stand
the idea of someone

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who knows nothing about baseball
coaching a baseball team.

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Hey, there have been plenty
of female managers in baseball.

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Connie Mack, Sandy Alomar,

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Terry Francona, Pinky Higgins.

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Those are dudes!

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Really? They sound like...

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I mean... Well, the thing...

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Ooh... no.

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Okay, bottom line--

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I need an extra-curricular activity,

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and no one else will coach
you loveable losers.

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We're not losers.
Last year, we finished six and five.

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And we're not loveable.

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We had a tall,
freckled-faced kid on the team

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that we picked on till he quit.

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Hey, Splatter-face!

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How's the weather up there?

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It's too bad, 'cause he's a great hitter,

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but it's worth it.

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Look, if you want to play
liability-insured baseball,

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I'm your only shot.

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(muttering)

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Fine, you can be our coach.

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Thanks. You can be the free safety.

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-Wrong sport.
-I mean the point guard.

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-Also wrong.
-I'm gonna do a little research.

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A little's not gonna be enough,
honey pie.

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Don't call me "honey pie."

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You got it, Tootsie Pop.

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(grunts)

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Get a room, you two.

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We're brother and sister.

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So are my parents, I think.

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<i>(cheering on TV)</i>

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-(cheering)
-Hey, Dad?

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-Hey, pal, how you doing?
-Fine.

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I was hoping you and your friends

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could tell me something
about baseball strategy.

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The only thing I know about strategy is

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that whatever the manager does,
it's wrong,

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unless it works,
in which case he's a button-pusher.

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I hate guys that just
push buttons all day.

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You just push buttons all day.

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You know,
ever since Obama came in,

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you've got all the answers,
don't you?

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Ugh! Does anyone here actually
know anything about baseball?

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Uh, the guys in that booth down there.

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-(typing)
-(overlapping voices)

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As a pitcher, Cliff Lee is clearly

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superior to Zack Greinke.

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Uh, yes, I completely agree,

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with the following colossal exception.

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Before the fourth inning
after a road loss

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in a domed stadium.

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Then it's good to be Greinke.

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Unless he's got a bunion,

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in which case he is notably ineffective.
(chuckles)

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Wow. I'm surprised you guys
know so much about a sport.

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Oh, Lisa, baseball is a game
played by the dexterous,

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but only understood by
the Poin-dexterous.

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(chuckling) If you understand
what I've laid out there.

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The key to understanding the game

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-is sabermetrics.
-Huh?!

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The field was developed
by statistician Bill James.

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<i>I made baseball as much fun</i>
<i>as doing your taxes!</i>

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Using sabermetrics,

183
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even an eight-year-old girl
can run a ball club

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with the sagacity of a Stengel,

185
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,293
and the single-mindedness
of a Steinbrenner.

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I call it a Stein-stengel... (mutters)

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-(chuckles)
-Thanks, guys.

188
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Hey, speaking of stats,
I'm none too pleased

189
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,596
about your ratio of seats occupied

190
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:16,931
to beers ordered.

191
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:19,892
You mean our SOBO?
Let's calculate it now!

192
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,144
(muttering)

193
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:26,190
What's the conversion factor
for ginger beer?

194
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,943
Refreshingness over effervescence.

195
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,611
Plus or minus tang.

196
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:33,030
Oh, why did I advertise
my drink specials

197
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:34,574
in <i>Scientific American?</i>

198
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,033
I can think of three reasons.

199
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,868
-First of all, you--
-Shut up.

200
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,621
<i>ANNOUNCER:</i>
<i>So we're one-one in the third,</i>

201
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,623
<i>and Isotots manager Lisa Simpson</i>

202
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:46,043
<i>rearranges her defense one more time.</i>

203
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,337
<i>I haven't seen</i>
<i>this many books in a dugout</i>

204
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,715
<i>since Albert Einstein went canoeing.</i>

205
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,052
Everyone shift towards right!

206
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,555
ALL: Huh?

207
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:00,349
(cheering)

208
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,518
I caught a white apple!

209
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:06,689
("Take Me Out to the Ballgame" playing)

210
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:25,833
(whimpers)

211
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:38,971
Okay. Everyone study two-out situations,
count management,

212
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,807
and I'll be back with
some gluten-free crackers.

213
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,810
(gasps) Your spreadsheets!

214
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,897
Oh, my stupid sister's taken
the fun out of baseball.

215
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,816
What happened to stealing bases,
the suicide squeeze,

216
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,652
throwing a little chin music?

217
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,528
We're no longer cellar dwellers.

218
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:57,073
Well, the team isn't.

219
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,949
This isn't the game I grew up with,

220
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,786
the game played in the misty
ballparks of Enron Field,

221
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:05,081
or Pac Bell, then SBC, now AT&T Park.

222
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:08,167
And from now on,
I'm gonna play my game.

223
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,169
Dummyball.

224
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:12,338
<i>ANNOUNCER: Bart Simpson on deck,</i>

225
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,924
<i>his bat's just hungering for a homer,</i>

226
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:17,426
<i>like Chronos for his children.</i>

227
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:20,179
<i>Speaking of Homer,</i>
<i>Bart's father's name is,</i>

228
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:22,848
<i>you guessed it, not on my fact sheet.</i>

229
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,519
Bart, this guy's walked
the last two batters,

230
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,562
and if he walks you,
we win the game.

231
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:31,440
-Don't swing at anything!
-But I'm on a hot streak.

232
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:35,069
Hot streaks are a statistical illusion.

233
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:37,363
I wish you were a statistical illusion.

234
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:40,074
Well, there's a 97% chance I'm not,

235
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,118
so do what I say.

236
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,452
(grumbling)

237
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,208
Ball one!

238
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,628
Ball two!

239
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,630
Don't swing.

240
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:58,134
I've ruined your favorite thing!

241
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,052
Oh... (grunts)

242
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,054
(crowd cheering)

243
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,321
TEAM: Bart! Bart! Bart!

244
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,198
You disobeyed your manager!

245
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,783
So what? We won.

246
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,119
TEAM: Bart! Bart! Bart!

247
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:27,663
Here's what-- you're off the team!

248
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,874
Get him out of here, boys.

249
00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:34,044
TEAM:
Conflicted, conflicted, conflicted.

250
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,799
(Agnes mutters)

251
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:49,685
Come on, guys.
I had to get rid of Bart.

252
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,937
But he socked a walk-off dinger.

253
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,898
That dinger was a fluke.

254
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,733
Not that I have
to defend myself to you.

255
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:58,277
Managers manage, and players play.

256
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,820
Do alligators alligate?

257
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,281
-I don't know... yes!
-I'm scared.

258
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,870
Here's my uniform. (grunts)

259
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,122
Since I won't be needing it anymore.

260
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,957
Whoo-hoo! Underpants dinner!

261
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,626
-(grunts)
-No, it's not.

262
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:14,794
Oh.

263
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:17,838
You know, Lis, I'm glad
I'm not playing baseball anymore.

264
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,299
I think I'm more interested in soccer.

265
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:21,300
-(thudding loudly)
-Ow!

266
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,761
(loud thudding, grunting)

267
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,806
{\an8}Hey. Cut it out!

268
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,390
{\an8}You're upsetting the gravy boat.

269
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,851
{\an8}I'll put a stop to this nonsense.

270
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,190
Lisa, can't you let your brother
back on the team?

271
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:38,567
Fly balls and fungoes come and go,

272
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,986
but family is forever.

273
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,280
Sorry, Marge,
I got to call bullcrap on that.

274
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,658
The '69 Mets will live on forever,

275
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,159
but do you think anyone cares

276
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,203
about Ron Swoboda's wife and kids?

277
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:52,081
Not me, and, I assume, not Ron Swoboda!

278
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:54,250
What about Bart's feelings?

279
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,335
Boys don't have feelings.
They have muscles.

280
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:59,088
Why do you say such ridiculous things?

281
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:00,965
They sound good in my brain,

282
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:03,133
then my tongue makes not the words

283
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:06,011
sound very good, formally.

284
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:08,430
(both grunting)

285
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,017
(snoring)

286
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,520
(both grunting)

287
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,523
"Mama Bear said,

288
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,484
'I'm sure Sister Bear
will come to her senses.'"

289
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:24,405
"Then Pete Rose plowed into
his friend Ray Fosse..."

290
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:25,865
-(Marge continues)
-"...dislocating Fosse's

291
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,284
shoulder in a meaningless game."

292
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,704
(shouting) "He had earned
the nickname 'Charlie Hustle'..."

293
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,038
-(Homer shouting)
-"Mama Bear said,

294
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,958
'Families should
stick together because...'"

295
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,835
"...personal feelings
get between him and home plate!"

296
00:14:37,918 --> 00:14:39,044
MARGE:
"'...anything else is unbearable!'"

297
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,379
FLANDERS: Excuse me?

298
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,630
With all this racket,

299
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:44,049
my boys can't get their 16 hours sleep.

300
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,051
(both muttering)

301
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,887
(organ playing "Charge")

302
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,097
So, because of
your on-base percentage, Nelson,

303
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:51,390
you're the new leadoff hitter.

304
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,809
-Questions?
-When's Bart coming back?

305
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,644
He's not.
He thought he was better

306
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,937
than the laws of probability.

307
00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:59,899
Anyone else think he's better
than the laws of probability?

308
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,986
Well, you're not!

309
00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,947
<i>With me here in the booth is</i>
<i>brand-new color commentator</i>

310
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:09,867
<i>and former Isotots great, Bart Simpson.</i>

311
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,911
<i>Bart, do you miss the game?</i>

312
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,788
<i>No, no, no, no. I got a lot goin' on.</i>

313
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,957
<i>I'm sure you do.</i>

314
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:21,295
<i>Milhouse hits a frozen rope</i>
<i>just past the diving shortstop.</i>

315
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:22,880
<i>There's a play at the plate!</i>

316
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,256
<i>He's... safe.</i>

317
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,634
<i>And that's all she wrote.</i>

318
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,469
<i>It's a triumph of number-crunching</i>

319
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:29,929
<i>over the human spirit.</i>

320
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,889
<i>And it's about time.</i>

321
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:33,891
(cheering)

322
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,727
(Lisa squeals)

323
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,368
Look, Dad.
"Players and Coaches Entrance."

324
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,745
Hey, let's hold hands and skip inside.

325
00:15:54,828 --> 00:15:57,164
(both laughing)

326
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,583
Well, let's go to the bleachers.

327
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,169
I brought an air horn
and a megaphone.

328
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,296
<i>-Testing...</i>
<i>-(horn blows)</i>

329
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,341
Actually, I'm taking you

330
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:10,844
on a "special little guy
super happy fun" day.

331
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,513
Are you taking me to the dentist?

332
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:15,307
You're not going to the dentist.

333
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,767
(Marge mutters)

334
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,188
You know, Mom, after only seven
hours in this amusement park,

335
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,982
I'm finally enjoying myself.

336
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,733
I'm actually starting to forget about...

337
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,027
(cell phone rings)

338
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:29,571
Lisa? She wants to talk to you.

339
00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,615
-Hey, Lis.
-Bart, I need you.

340
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,284
Ralph can't play, 'cause he's too juiced.

341
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:38,205
I didn't know what I was
putting into my body.

342
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,250
Sorry, sis. I've moved on.

343
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,961
And my days of listening
to my manager are over.

344
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,005
Son, you should always
listen to your manager.

345
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,424
(gasps) Mike Scioscia!

346
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,259
Didn't you get radiation poisoning

347
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,553
working at the Springfield Nuclear Plant?

348
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:53,804
I sure did,

349
00:16:53,887 --> 00:16:55,639
and it gave me super-managing powers!

350
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:57,683
I also demagnetize credit cards.

351
00:16:57,766 --> 00:16:58,767
(shudders)

352
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,769
Bart, I have two pieces of advice.

353
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,896
First, keep your arms in the damn car.

354
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,024
Whoa!

355
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,860
Secondly, I don't care
if your manager is your sister,

356
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:11,030
Dick Drago's mustache,
or Oscar Gamble's afro.

357
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,032
A player should always
listen to his skipper.

358
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,367
That's how I got these three
World Series rings.

359
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,369
(gasping and shuddering)

360
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,496
Never mind that. I'll win more.

361
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:22,833
But you owe it to your sister,
and the great game of baseball--

362
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:24,626
wacky face for the camera--

363
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,796
to go back and help your team.

364
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,465
Now, who wants funnel cake?

365
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,759
You got some great raw ingredients, kid.

366
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:33,677
Open up your stance a little.

367
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,638
Wrong, wrong, wrong.

368
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,806
That's okay.

369
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,017
You just didn't have it today.

370
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,935
Not everything's baseball.

371
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,353
Yes, it is.

372
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,856
(typing)

373
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:48,317
Oh! What am I gonna do?

374
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,319
I need a pinch-runner with speed!

375
00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:52,780
How about a benchwarmer
who's afraid of puppets?

376
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:53,864
(groans)

377
00:17:53,947 --> 00:17:56,450
Did someone order a happy ending?

378
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:57,618
Bart!

379
00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,536
Oh!

380
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:03,123
Now get out there and kick a field goal!

381
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,043
(chuckles) Kidding.

382
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,712
<i>ANNOUNCER: And that's why anyone</i>
<i>who invested with Lenny Dykstra</i>

383
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,255
<i>really should call that number.</i>

384
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,799
<i>Lawyers are standing by.</i>

385
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,510
<i>Simpson on first, taking a big lead.</i>

386
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:17,054
<i>Oh, looks like</i>
<i>he's gonna swipe the bag.</i>

387
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:20,182
No, no. Don't steal.

388
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,069
-(crowd cheering)
<i>-ANNOUNCER: And there he goes!</i>

389
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,663
<i>He's stealing third.</i>

390
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,290
Okay, okay, he's stolen third.

391
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,626
But surely, that's the limit
of his cockiness.

392
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,045
I'm stealing home!

393
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:54,341
No! The computer says
it's statistically impossible!

394
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,843
Bah. Computers.

395
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:58,262
They'll never replace
my Huffnagle autocollator!

396
00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,930
Crank it, Smithers. Crank it!

397
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,765
It's, uh, seizing up, sir.

398
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,017
Yes, well, apply more goose grease.

399
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,270
(cheering)

400
00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:09,481
Stealing home. It's so impossible.

401
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,067
It's against every sensible instinct.

402
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,652
It's, it's...

403
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,576
-(crowd cheering)
-(autocollator shattering)

404
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,829
It's the most exciting play in baseball.

405
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:26,498
Go, Bart!

406
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,419
If he makes it, that's my son!

407
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,511
-You're out!
-(crowd gasping)

408
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:42,014
<i>The Isotots lose.</i>

409
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,558
<i>Now to begin my off-season job--</i>

410
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,351
<i>follow-home robberies.</i>

411
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,103
<i>I'll see you in the parking lot,</i>

412
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,607
<i>but you won't see me</i>
<i>until it's too late.</i>

413
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:54,318
HOMER: You stink! (grunts)

414
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,989
-Did I make it?
-No.

415
00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:00,699
But you did do something.

416
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,784
You made me love baseball.

417
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:05,078
Not as a collection of numbers,

418
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:08,081
but as an unpredictable,
passionate game

419
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:11,543
beaten in excitement only
by every other sport.

420
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,795
I guess your computer was right.

421
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,548
Maybe it was, but according
to my calculations,

422
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:20,135
you're a great brother 51% of the time.

423
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,180
And according to my gut,
you're okay, too.

424
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:24,640
Can you put a number on it?

425
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,770
{\an8}Aww...

426
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:35,776
TEAM:
Conflict resolved! Conflict resolved!

427
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:37,945
Conflict resolved!

428
00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:44,159
{\an8}(electric guitar plays up-tempo
"Take Me Out to the Ballgame")

429
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,740
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!

430
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay