1
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:05,005
-(whimpers)
-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,214
(crow caws)
3
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299
{\an8}(theme music playing)
4
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,761
(gasps)
5
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)
6
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney belches)
7
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,275
-(whistle blows)
-(yells)
8
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,406
(beeping)
9
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,830
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,750
(playing the blues)
11
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:52,969
-Ooh!
-(gunfire)
12
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,263
(tires screeching)
13
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:04,147
-(horn honks)
-(Grampa shouts)
14
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,398
D'oh!
15
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,901
-(tires screeching)
-(grunts)
16
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,069
(alarm clock rings)
17
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,321
(happy music playing)
18
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:18,078
(music continues)
19
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,959
(grunting, sighing)
20
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,888
Dodgeball!
21
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,599
-(kids cheering, whooping)
-GIRL: Yay, Dodgeball!
22
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:44,521
{\an8}We're down to our final four huckers!
23
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,856
{\an8}Three wily fourth graders
24
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,526
{\an8}and one scrappy fifth gradesman!
25
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,736
{\an8}-To the death!
-(kids shouting)
26
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:54,531
{\an8}("Pipeline" by the Ventures playing)
27
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,407
{\an8}-(grunts)
-(cheering)
28
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,834
{\an8}(bell clangs)
29
00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:11,631
{\an8}(fireworks whistling, exploding)
30
00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:18,847
{\an8}(whooshing)
31
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:22,267
{\an8}(rumbling, crackling)
32
00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,563
{\an8}(explosions)
33
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:27,730
{\an8}("Pipeline" ends)
34
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,232
{\an8}(kids shouting)
35
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,068
{\an8}(grunts)
36
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,069
{\an8}Ha...
37
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,237
{\an8}ah... ah...
38
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,989
{\an8}Where do you want your ball mark,
39
00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,157
{\an8}face or belly?
40
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,243
{\an8}How about... in your dreams!
41
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:41,828
{\an8}Hee-yah!
42
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,580
{\an8}(balls whooshing)
43
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,748
{\an8}(grunting)
44
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,339
{\an8}(kids shouting, cheering)
45
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:58,887
{\an8}I'm not the coach! There is no coach!
46
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,181
{\an8}I just wanted to see
if you were wearing a bra.
47
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,599
{\an8}Oh. (chuckles)
48
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,270
{\an8}Your four eyes saw a lot today, Milhouse.
49
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,396
{\an8}What's the skinny?
50
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,231
{\an8}The fifth graders played a great game.
51
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:13,151
{\an8}They got a great program up there.
Great fans!
52
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,153
{\an8}But this was just our day.
53
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,906
{\an8}Whatever happens,
they can never take away... Aah!
54
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,825
{\an8}The ball never touched the ground--
and I caught it!
55
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,203
{\an8}That means fifth graders win!
56
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,370
{\an8}No way!
57
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:25,830
{\an8}What a rip!
58
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,165
{\an8}Shut your gobs!
59
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,958
{\an8}I only took this refereeing job
60
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:32,462
{\an8}'cause I was cold and needed a shirt!
61
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,088
{\an8}-(kids cheering)
-(Willie gasping)
62
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,340
{\an8}(Willie snoring)
63
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,508
{\an8}(snoring continues)
64
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:38,676
{\an8}(Willie grunts)
65
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,054
{\an8}-(kids cheering)
-(Willie snoring)
66
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,766
{\an8}(ominous music plays)
67
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,684
{\an8}I hate you fifth graders!
68
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,645
{\an8}I deem this victory Pyrrhic!
69
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,813
{\an8}ALL (chanting): Pyrrhic! Pyrrhic!
70
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,857
{\an8}Your response is puerile!
71
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,109
{\an8}ALL (chanting): Puerile! Puerile!
72
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:56,945
{\an8}(to "The Old Gray Mare")
♪ There goes the fifth grade ♪
73
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:58,988
{\an8}♪ Floatin' down the Delaware ♪
74
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,450
{\an8}♪ Chewin' on their underwear,
can't afford another pair ♪
75
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:06,204
{\an8}♪ Ten days later,
bitten by a polar bear ♪
76
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:09,207
{\an8}♪ That's how the polar bear died ♪
77
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:10,875
{\an8}(groaning, chattering)
78
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,920
{\an8}How dare they dishonor
the lyrics of "Old Gray Mare"!
79
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:15,213
{\an8}How dare they!
80
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,757
{\an8}(grunting)
81
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,385
{\an8}Zach! Zach!
82
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,220
{\an8}Who did this to you?
83
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:24,430
{\an8}It was... it was...
84
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,641
{\an8}the fourth graders!
85
00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:30,728
{\an8}(dramatic orchestral music plays)
86
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:37,235
{\an8}I like to think my kids would
know how to lose gracefully.
87
00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:39,237
{\an8}In the fifth grade, we teach character.
88
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,072
{\an8}Mike, let's be adults here.
89
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,156
{\an8}You're right, Edna.
90
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,325
{\an8}-(coughs) Fourth sucks.
-Oh, that's it!
91
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,660
{\an8}(bell dings)
92
00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:46,911
{\an8}-(steam hissing)
-(screams)
93
00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,913
(old-time Western saloon piano playing)
94
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,666
(grunting)
95
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,670
(vicious yelling)
96
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,007
(yells)
97
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,594
(grunts)
98
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,514
(grumbles) Why, I oughta...
99
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:07,890
{\an8}Hey, fourth graders,
100
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,892
{\an8}can you help us with our fractions?
101
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,227
{\an8}Oh, wait, you can't.
102
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,021
{\an8}(laughter)
103
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:16,357
{\an8}They ain't even read
Where the Red Fern Grows yet.
104
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,608
{\an8}(laughter)
105
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:20,778
That's it!
We challenge you to a rumble.
106
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,947
Challenge accepted.
107
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,532
This is gonna be great!
108
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,826
A real rumble, just like in that movie
109
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:29,454
where the Jets fought the Sharks.
110
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,247
Hmm...
111
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,167
("Jet Song" from
West Side Story playing)
112
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,972
(crowd cheers)
113
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:49,307
Rumble it is!
114
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:52,226
After school, rain or shine.
115
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,312
(thunder crashing)
116
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,522
-Anybody want to wait for shine?
-ALL: Yeah.
117
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:57,732
Definitely shine.
118
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,735
{\an8}It's agreed--
no biting, no throwing rocks,
119
00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:02,862
{\an8}no face farts, flying face farts,
120
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,739
{\an8}backdoor haircuts, 'nad noogies,
121
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:08,159
moist Michaels, and absolutely
no "Brazilian hardwood."
122
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,828
Is this a rumble or a harvest dance?
123
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,080
Okay, you want hardwood?
124
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:13,247
No, no, no, no.
125
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,333
Then let's do this thing.
126
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,752
(angry muttering)
127
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:19,587
{\an8}You know, if they do this regularly,
128
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:20,922
{\an8}maybe it could count as gym.
129
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,257
{\an8}Did you wear those
same clothes yesterday?
130
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:26,344
No. I have two identical sets
of these clothes.
131
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:29,347
I see. With a stain on the shirt
in the exact same place?
132
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,516
(sighs) Things aren't good at home.
133
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,434
(ominous drum beating)
134
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,939
Rumble!
135
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,982
Why don't you head on home, pal.
136
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,776
Bless you.
137
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:43,778
(grunts)
138
00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,029
Huh?
139
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,781
Where'd you get that scar?
140
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:49,867
I had it as long
as I can remember. Why?
141
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:54,705
You call that a scar?!
142
00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:56,374
This is a scar!
143
00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,167
That's your belly button.
144
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,710
Everybody's got one.
145
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,879
(sobbing) I thought I was special.
146
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:09,971
BART: When did this happen?
147
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,557
You sure none of you guys
gave me this?
148
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,517
I'm going through my bully logbook here,
149
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,685
but I just don't see it.
150
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,687
Don't be afraid to use your glasses.
151
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,355
-You shut up!
-(groans)
152
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,692
"January 9th,
whaled on Jimbo with this book.
153
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,694
Awaiting results."
154
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,070
(sobs, sniffles)
155
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,072
"Unqualified success."
156
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,991
(metallic clatter)
157
00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:32,910
Why do you have to eat peanuts
in the shower?
158
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,788
Can't start the day without that
fresh-from-the-circus feeling.
159
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,832
(humming calliope music)
160
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:38,958
(groans)
161
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,836
{\an8}Mom, do you have any idea
how I got this scar?
162
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:44,964
(groans)
I was afraid this day would come.
163
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,049
Ew! You're sitting on the toilet!
164
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,427
When it's closed, it's a chair.
165
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,345
When you were little,
I used to take you
166
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:53,181
to a Mommy-and-Me toddler gym.
167
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,849
You were friends with three other boys,
168
00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:57,143
and I became close with their moms.
169
00:07:57,226 --> 00:08:00,021
But they were
a bad influence on you.
170
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,659
Ah... such an innocent time.
171
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,870
Before cooties ravaged our community.
172
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,580
How come we don't get together anymore?
173
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:20,750
The moms and I had a falling
out, which was a shame--
174
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,668
we had been such good friends.
175
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:23,878
Whoa!
176
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:26,547
You don't look like a mom,
you look happy.
177
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,509
We called ourselves the "Cool Moms."
178
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:33,429
There's nothing cooler
than calling yourself cool.
179
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,309
Maybe we could get back together.
180
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,186
Awesome! I'll get the white wine.
181
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,063
You can't buy white wine!
182
00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:43,731
Why not? Are you having red meat?
183
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:45,483
-Oh!
-Are you through with the chair?
184
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,944
-I've got to do the taxes.
-It's all yours.
185
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,573
(mumbling)
...number of dependents, three.
186
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,576
Um, add to line 13...
187
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,579
Hmm, better check last year's return.
188
00:08:58,663 --> 00:08:59,789
Hmm.
189
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,667
Seven years.
190
00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,168
A lot of memories.
191
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,003
Talking, chatting.
192
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,922
Remember how we used to reminisce?
193
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,090
ALL: Mm-hmm.
194
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:11,217
You know who was really happy
to get back together?
195
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,843
Our husbands!
196
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,764
Been a while since our wives
got together, huh?
197
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,015
-Mm.
-Whatever.
198
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,642
(snorts)
Why are we getting together again?
199
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:21,686
I was so happy when it stopped.
200
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:24,021
Let's just shut up and get
through this, all right?
201
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,566
(Homer smacking lips
like ticking clock)
202
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,609
Homer, stop doing that.
203
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,319
(smacking lips like ticking clock)
204
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,404
Homer!
205
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:32,738
(text message alert ringing)
206
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,073
Ooh, I got a text!
207
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:35,241
I got a text.
208
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,617
Are you gonna open it?
209
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,869
No, that page isn't optimized
for cell phone use...
210
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,371
Why am I talking to you?!
211
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:42,665
Because you're my best friend
in the room.
212
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:45,835
BART:
Wow! We all have the same scar!
213
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,378
So how'd you get yours?
214
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:48,754
My mom won't tell me.
215
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,881
My mom will tell me
how my dad is in bed,
216
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,174
but not about this.
217
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:54,343
Ever do a cold drop out of a tree house?
218
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,803
Only, like, every day.
219
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,763
More like all day every day.
220
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,640
(loud grunting)
221
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,017
BART: Cowabunga...!
222
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,935
(laughter)
223
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,687
(coughing)
224
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,023
{\an8}Check out my gnarly backwards foot!
225
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,275
{\an8}(laughter)
226
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,027
(slowly stops laughing)
227
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,361
(groans)
228
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,988
(laughter)
229
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:16,115
I said, "For the price of this coffee,
230
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,159
I should have just flown to Brazil."
231
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,910
(laughter)
232
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:24,290
Anyone see a good
beer commercial lately?
233
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,917
Asinine.
Everything you say is asinine.
234
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:31,339
Those dudes were intense.
235
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:33,090
I'm glad you had fun,
236
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:35,635
because we're all getting
together next week.
237
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,720
Great. Great.
238
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,723
Oh, and, Homie, can you come
home early from work tomorrow
239
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,725
so I can have a girls' night out?
240
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,936
Sure, I'll stay home and Skype
with the guys at Moe's.
241
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,271
Hey, how you doing, Home...
242
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:50,107
(distorted buzzing)
243
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,109
Stupid Flanders' Wi-Fi.
244
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,278
(grunts) Uh, that wasn't the Wi-Fi.
245
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:56,197
My Bell's palsy's acting up.
246
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,033
(distorted buzzing)
247
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:01,869
Yeah, it can be tough,
but, you know, I try to stay posit...
248
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:03,412
(distorted buzzing)
249
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,706
{\an8}(volume lowering)
250
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:10,711
I've been dying to try it.
251
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,589
{\an8}Marge, who are you
cutting up that chicken for?
252
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,132
The kids aren't here.
253
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,968
Huh? Oh. Myself, I guess.
254
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:20,304
Who's kicking?
255
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,889
No one. No one's kicking.
256
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:23,182
Sorry.
257
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,476
I'm just not used
to everyone behaving.
258
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:26,894
Oh, Marge.
259
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,688
If you don't have a life
outside your kids,
260
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,356
how do you expect to be happy?
261
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:31,857
I've got a great idea.
262
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:35,653
From now on, the four of us
will get together every Tuesday.
263
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,530
Go out on a Tuesday?
264
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:39,156
Who am I, Charlie Sheen?
265
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,493
Fine, I'll do it.
266
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,332
Oh...
267
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,292
(gasps)
268
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,881
Oh...
269
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,930
(humming jaunty tune)
270
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,515
(gasps) Oh...
271
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,809
"Ion." Hmm.
272
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,269
(gasps) No.
273
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,146
"Irene Ryan is... (gasps)
274
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,856
-(tires squeal)
-...TV's Granny."
275
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:14,483
-(car door closes)
-MARGE: Thanks for the ride!
276
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,026
{\an8}-(vehicle drives away)
-Hmm? (chuckling)
277
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:18,571
{\an8}This is late for Marge. I assume.
278
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,072
{\an8}I've never been home at this hour.
279
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,532
{\an8}(Santa's Little Helper barking)
280
00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:23,242
{\an8}MARGE: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
281
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,246
Hey, Marge.
282
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,665
Partaking of the grape, were we?
283
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,419
(slurring) Just a little Merlot...
284
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:34,462
Mmm...
285
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,505
You want to stay up
and talk a while?
286
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,758
Are you sleepy? I'm not sleepy.
287
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:40,760
(laughs)
288
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,388
And Anita's family rented a beach house,
289
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,431
and guess what?
290
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,558
They went to the beach every day.
291
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,477
Oh, great. That's great.
292
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,062
But I have to get to work in the morning.
293
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:53,939
But I don't want a beach house.
294
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,900
Sand makes me sad
295
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,818
because it used to be big rocks.
296
00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,862
But not anymore.
297
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,989
Not anymore...
298
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:05,659
(both sobbing)
299
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:13,292
It's kind of weird,
us all being naked in here.
300
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,085
(sighs) We're not naked.
301
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,921
Right. Neither am I.
302
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:26,305
Listen, any of you guys
want to play Old Maid?
303
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,891
Don't be a wuss. We all did it.
304
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,100
Chicken!
305
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:31,894
(all clucking)
306
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,730
(grunting)
307
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,528
(all clucking)
308
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,905
If I do it, you're supposed to stop!
309
00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:44,573
Don't tell a chicken when to cluck.
310
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,575
You're not the chicken, I'm the chicken!
311
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,786
-Chicken!
-(all clucking)
312
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,496
(groans)
313
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,917
Ooh, three!
314
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,753
-Bart?
-Hey.
315
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,255
(coughs)
316
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,840
They dared me to see
how many TV remotes
317
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,466
I could stick in my mouth.
318
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,219
We've got to stop Mom from
going out with those women.
319
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:09,390
Something drove them apart once before.
320
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:12,726
And I bet it has something to do
with this scar.
321
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,646
I've seen this mark before.
322
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:17,481
On you, every time you come in.
323
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,607
(laughs)
324
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,151
I believe it had something
to do with Comic Book Guy.
325
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,028
Comic Book Guy? Thanks.
326
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,363
Listen.
Are you going to see him now?
327
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:25,906
You can give him some news for me.
328
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,242
Tell him it's the worst prognosis ever.
329
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,869
(laughs)
330
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,537
(horn honks)
331
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,332
Oh! I knew this day would come.
332
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:38,043
Although, frankly, I thought it
would have been a long time ago.
333
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,671
You are very uncurious
about your body.
334
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:43,924
All right, Comic Book Guy.
Tell me my origin story.
335
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,093
I will not relive the horror of that day!
336
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:47,177
The answer is "no,"
337
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,263
and I can say it in Na'vi or Klingon,
338
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:50,764
which are pretty much the same.
339
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,016
I have some theories on that
340
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,684
which I will share with you never.
341
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,769
-(slurps)
-You leave me no choice.
342
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,397
{\an8}I hold in my hands a mint-condition copy
343
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,026
of the legendary
Interesting Stories Number 27.
344
00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:05,279
Oh! Oh, the first appearance
of Radioactive Man.
345
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:08,115
And if you don't tell us
what we want to know...
346
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:15,414
(cries out) How do I know
that is not a cheap reprint?
347
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,249
Are you willing to take that chance?
348
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:19,001
Yes.
349
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,756
No! No! No!
350
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:25,257
I'll tell you what you want to know.
351
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,592
Could we hurry this up?
352
00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,929
I am really uncomfortable
being a girl in this store.
353
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,013
Very well.
354
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,057
I shall tell you what happened
to you and your friends
355
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,350
several years ago.
356
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:38,270
But for you to understand it,
I must go back a little further.
357
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,775
Our story begins with
the creation of Middle Earth,
358
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:44,610
as recounted in the "Ainulindalë"
359
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:45,819
and the "Valaquenta."
360
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:48,864
Behold Melkor, proudest of the Ainu!
361
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,950
Look, pal, we've gotta speed this up.
362
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,703
Fine.
Children just want to know what is,
363
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,331
and not why it is. (slurps)
364
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,423
Your scar,
like Tom Cruise's last good movie,
365
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,926
was born on the Fourth of July.
366
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:10,511
It was seven years ago,
367
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:13,222
a time when "twilight" meant
the end of the day
368
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,392
and not the most barftastic
horror franchise of all time.
369
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,770
(crying)
370
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,481
(confused jabbering)
371
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,360
Earth's single sun was setting,
372
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,154
and the Mayor began to speak...
373
00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:32,616
Even though most of this town
collaborated with the British,
374
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,743
and we are still in informal talks
375
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,495
to return to their empire,
376
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:38,622
we all love fireworks!
377
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,332
CROWD: Yay!
378
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,626
Traditionally,
the Fourth of July fireworks
379
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:44,545
were operated by the person most likely
380
00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,380
to be sober and dateless.
381
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:48,757
Once again, the honor fell to me.
382
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,593
(boom)
383
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,345
(cheering)
384
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,764
This is your TV for the year, kids.
385
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,183
And the embers is your dinner.
386
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:03,355
-(explosions)
-(crowd exclaiming)
387
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,988
While I was busy tending
to a critical matter
388
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:12,197
of great delicacy,
389
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,868
you and your diaper-wearing
droogs ruined everything!
390
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,624
(explosions)
391
00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:23,876
(crowd gasping)
392
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,128
(panicked shouts)
393
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,213
(gasps)
394
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,927
(boom)
395
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,888
(scorching hiss)
396
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,056
(boys cry out)
397
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,807
(groans)
398
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,935
And that is when the four of you
399
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,188
each received the mark of the sword.
400
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,689
Hmm.
401
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:49,443
Every Fourth of July
I remember that fallen hero.
402
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,904
{\an8}God, how I miss you.
403
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:56,867
So, what's the plan again?
404
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,870
I go to see those other guys,
we blow this junk up,
405
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:03,165
once again Mom decides that
they're a bad influence on me,
406
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,542
and she stops seeing those
women who make her so happy.
407
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,253
(gasps) What are you boys doing?
408
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:11,340
Uh, we're doing a project on...
409
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,842
uh, uh, uh... the subject of...
410
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,969
something pertaining to...
411
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,304
here it comes...
412
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,389
Milhouse, I'm getting tired of waiting.
413
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,350
Can I go home and think of a lie?
414
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,352
-Yes, you may.
-(Milhouse groans)
415
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,395
Mom, I'll admit it--
416
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,148
I wanted to create
a devastating explosion
417
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,858
to get back my mom.
418
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,611
Aw, Bart, sweetie...
419
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,155
I love you kids with all my heart,
420
00:18:35,239 --> 00:18:37,783
but damn it,
I need something for myself!
421
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,785
I made you a coffee mug
on Mother's Day!
422
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,913
-Isn't that enough?
-It's close, but no.
423
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:50,295
I could light these,
but it wouldn't be the same.
424
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,051
(laughs)
425
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,302
Well, I've put it off
426
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,055
but today I'm finally getting
this garage organized.
427
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,265
(loud explosion)
428
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,183
HOMER (dazed):
Guess I'll put these tools away.
429
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,561
Hang 'em on hooks and such.
430
00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:09,398
So Bart, the little dickens,
431
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:12,234
was gonna set off an explosion
to break us up.
432
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,653
Can you believe it? (giggles)
433
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:16,989
Actually, we can believe it.
434
00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:18,490
What are you talking about?
435
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:21,076
Your son always was
the bad apple of the bunch.
436
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,037
You know nothing about my son
437
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,998
and even less about apples.
438
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,875
(gasps)
439
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,251
(gun cocks, fires)
440
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,966
I remember why I left
this group seven years ago,
441
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,510
and it's why I'm leaving now.
442
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,137
Good day, ladies.
443
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,183
Well, since she's gone...
444
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,851
(all giggle)
445
00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:47,686
Come here, you.
446
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,482
Sorry you broke up
with your friends, Mom.
447
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:55,527
Oh, I think they were
never my friends.
448
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,155
Maybe true friends aren't random people
449
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:00,490
you meet at a Mommy-and-Me class.
450
00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:03,285
They're random people
you meet in a college dorm.
451
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,245
Maybe Lisa and I can be friends.
452
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:06,955
Not with each other, but with you.
453
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,207
Oh...
454
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,125
-Ow!
-Ah!
455
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,543
Grr.
456
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,504
Hey, does Dad know you
and the cool moms broke up?
457
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,382
Well, Homer got along so well
with the other dads,
458
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:18,884
I couldn't break it to him.
459
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,182
Oh. Can we at least
drink beer or something?
460
00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:27,184
Why do you keep trying to engage us?
461
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,518
Hey-diddily-hi, Homer.
462
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,187
Oh, you beautiful man!
463
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:33,899
Oh... that feeling is Mutual of Omaha.
464
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:36,235
God, you're hilarious.
465
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,243
(theme music playing)
466
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:24,199
Shh!
467
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay