1 00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:05,088 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,132 Aah! 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,178 (exclaims) 4 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,810 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,022 (Barney belches) 6 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,233 -(whistle blows) -(yells) 7 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,406 (beeping) 8 00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,830 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:47,881 (grunts) 10 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,969 -Ooh! -(gunfire) 11 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,263 (tires screeching) 12 00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,934 -(horn honks) -(Grampa shouts) 13 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,562 (tires screech) 14 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,398 D'oh! 15 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,901 -(tires screeching) -(grunts) 16 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,361 HOMER: Hmm?! 17 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,863 (whimpers, grunts) 18 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,454 -(Marge grumbles) -HOMER: Hmm... 19 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,372 -HOMER: Hmm?! -(Marge grunts) 20 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,208 HOMER: Hey! 21 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:25,710 -(startled shouts) -(angry jabbering) 22 00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,853 {\an8}(music playing on TV) 23 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,939 Tonight on "Kent's Korrections," 24 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,565 it has been brought to our attention 25 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,568 that the word "correction" is actually spelled with a "C." 26 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,695 We regret any confusion this may have caused. 27 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,865 {\an8}Lisa, mash the buttons till something good comes on. 28 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,451 ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to Tube Town, the home of... 29 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,745 (announcer continues reading) 30 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,293 But coming up now, 31 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,964 the classic '80s sitcom, Thicker Than Waters. 32 00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,634 ♪ Cherish that family smile ♪ 33 00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:20,056 ♪ Picket fence days don't last forever ♪ 34 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:23,726 ♪ The future is coming up ♪ 35 00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:26,146 ♪ Mom and Dad and kids ♪ 36 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:32,819 ♪ Are precious ♪ 37 00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,321 (studio audience applauding) 38 00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,490 ANNOUNCER: Filmed before a live studio audience. 39 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:38,616 (chuckling) 40 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,494 Everyone in that studio audience is dead now. 41 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:46,040 (audience applauds and cheers) 42 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,001 You know candy's bad for your teeth. 43 00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,837 If it wasn't for candy, you'd be out of business. 44 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:51,963 -(canned laughter) -Hmm. 45 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,506 Share these with your friends. 46 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:55,592 (canned laughter, scattered applause over TV) 47 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,970 Dad, I need a new baseball glove. 48 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,181 Son, if I just bought you a glove, 49 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,724 you wouldn't appreciate it. 50 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,768 I'm afraid you're gonna have to earn the money for it yourself. 51 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,521 Aw, come on, Dad. 52 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,858 -AUDIENCE: Aw... -Oh, no, not "the face." 53 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,946 (canned laughter, applause) 54 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,073 {\an8}Oh, life was so much easier 55 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,618 {\an8}when a machine told you when to laugh. 56 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,786 (Thicker Than Waters theme song playing on TV) 57 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:33,254 {\an8}I liked the producing, the executive producing, 58 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,465 {\an8}and especially the co-producing. 59 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:39,719 {\an8}But the supervising producing was the best I've ever seen. 60 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:43,723 {\an8}So anyway, that's why me and Nana are taking a break. 61 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,226 {\an8}Aw! 62 00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,728 {\an8}Oh, stupid cheap bike. 63 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,648 {\an8}To think I was gonna put fenders on you. 64 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,484 {\an8}Oh, my God! 65 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:59,239 {\an8}I think I just met the thing I'm gonna die on. 66 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:22,762 Gotta have that minibike. 67 00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,931 Oh, my God. 68 00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,766 I've found my new look. 69 00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,476 Those are girl overalls. 70 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,436 I could pull it off. 71 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,189 (humming) 72 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,275 -Can I have it, Dad? -Bart?! 73 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:36,776 Can I? 74 00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,821 Thanks for not buying me that glove 75 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,657 and teaching me what's really important. 76 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,245 {\an8}Bart, son, if I bought you that bike, 77 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,080 {\an8}you wouldn't appreciate it. 78 00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,249 {\an8}Because when you get anything you want, 79 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,876 {\an8}you don't want anything you get. 80 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,296 {\an8}What is this crap? Are you wearing a wire? 81 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,506 {\an8}(chuckles) Someday you'll understand 82 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,883 {\an8}that I'm just being a good dad. 83 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:01,968 {\an8}Are you kidding? 84 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,720 {\an8}You're the worst dad who ever lived. 85 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,680 {\an8}I'd rather take my chances in a hot car 86 00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,390 {\an8}than go in a store with you. 87 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,184 -Why, you little... -(choking) 88 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:12,395 Homer, a good father is strong enough 89 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,439 that he doesn't need to use his strength. 90 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:18,276 What Bart needs is for you to strangle him with your love. 91 00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:19,610 Hmm. 92 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,112 I never thought of fatherhood 93 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,740 as something that could affect a kid. 94 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,825 {\an8}Son, I won't strangle you anymore, 95 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,785 {\an8}but I also won't get you that minibike. 96 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,495 {\an8}How about this? I let you punch me in the face 97 00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,998 {\an8}-and you get me a snowmobile. -I wish I could, son. 98 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,958 {\an8}I really wish I could. 99 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,548 Now it's ready for garbage. 100 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,468 {\an8}(sighs, groans) 101 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,844 {\an8}What's wrong, Homie? 102 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,305 {\an8}Bart's mad because he wanted me to buy him something, 103 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,724 {\an8}but I didn't think it was the right thing to do-- 104 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,644 {\an8}Marge, not in front of the refrigerator. 105 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,313 {\an8}(passionate moan) 106 00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:59,609 {\an8}There's nothing sexier than a man being a good dad. 107 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:03,071 {\an8}-Whoa. -Oh, well, in that case, 108 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:06,574 {\an8}Lisa was using her solar calculator yesterday, 109 00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:09,911 {\an8}so I opened the drapes to let in more sun. 110 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:11,162 {\an8}(gasps) 111 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:12,705 {\an8}(chuckles) 112 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,791 {\an8}Just hope the kids didn't hear us. 113 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,668 {\an8}Well, maybe your kids didn't. 114 00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,505 {\an8}(grunts) 115 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,175 -Lis, I gotta talk to you. -I'm busy. 116 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,052 (high-pitched voice) Don't you minimize me! 117 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,596 (high-pitched squeal) 118 00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,681 Fine. Just get in here. 119 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,768 {\an8}How can I earn money to buy the world's most awesome thing? 120 00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:35,353 {\an8}You could deliver newspapers. 121 00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,522 {\an8}Kids don't deliver newspapers anymore. 122 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:39,315 {\an8}It's just creeps in trucks. 123 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,776 (sighs) Maybe if you buckle down 124 00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:44,153 and get good grades, Dad will give you money. 125 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:47,323 Does he give you money for getting good grades? 126 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,575 I've been doing the family's books for years. 127 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,577 I take what I need. 128 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:52,870 You were right, Dad. 129 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,081 By not telling the teacher that Jimmy cheated 130 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,583 on the French test, it's like I cheated. 131 00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,335 Well, as they say in Paris, 132 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,672 "Ma voiture est pleine de crème glacée." 133 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,675 You just said, "My car is full of ice cream." 134 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,428 -(canned laughter and applause) -(theme music plays) 135 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,888 Dad, if I get an "A" on my math test, 136 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,182 would that be worth some money? 137 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:16,519 {\an8}Well, in season two, when Sam got good grades, 138 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:19,772 {\an8}he got a very surprising reward. 139 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,817 And if you do it, son, you'll get the same. 140 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,444 There's no way that means anything 141 00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,404 other than I get a minibike. 142 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,489 To the library! 143 00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,992 -(Homer chortles cheerfully) -(door opens, closes) 144 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,493 Hmm? 145 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,205 Hmm... 146 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,791 (classical music playing) 147 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,886 (Milhouse screaming) 148 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,980 Aah! 'Tis the playground ghost! 149 00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:03,566 I swear I didn't mean to kill ya! 150 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,319 It's me, Willie-- Bart Simpson. 151 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:09,530 Oh, oh, right. (nervous chuckle) 152 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,575 There's no such thing as a playground ghost. 153 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,994 How could you mistake him for me? 154 00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:18,372 It was that sassy mouth that got ye killed in the first place. 155 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,166 ANNOUNCER (on TV): Coming up next on Tube Town-- 156 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,668 he's in your face from outer space-- 157 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,129 Upscalien in Da House! 158 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,048 (late '80s-style rap sitcom theme playing) 159 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,425 ♪ There once was an alien whose mother called him Trey ♪ 160 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,053 ♪ From the fanciest planet in the Milky Way ♪ 161 00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:34,222 ♪ Stole his dad's ship, took it for a trip ♪ 162 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:37,058 ♪ Saw Lake Erie on his radar and he thought he'd take a dip ♪ 163 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,310 -(beatboxing) -(door opens, closes) 164 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,063 -I did it. I got an "A"! -That's great. 165 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,235 ('70s-style disco playing) 166 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,656 (laughing) 167 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,911 Uh, Dad, if we could get to the reward... 168 00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,872 Son, you already have your reward-- 169 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:03,751 the feeling of accomplishment you can only get from hard work. 170 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,212 What the... I wanted a minibike! 171 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:08,256 I told all my friends I was getting one. 172 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:09,882 Well, if they care that much about 173 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:11,342 whether you have a minibike, 174 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,427 then they weren't really your friends. 175 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,596 Yes, they were! But now they won't be! 176 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,557 Because I don't have a minibike! 177 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,683 (angry groan) 178 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,810 Hmm, if this were a TV show, 179 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,271 that would be a hell of an act break. 180 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,648 But it could use a button. 181 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,151 (chuckling) Oh, well, what if I said... 182 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,778 Well, if you... 183 00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,697 (whimpers) Eh. 184 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,622 ANNOUNCER (on TV): We now return to I Lost Lucy. 185 00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:44,584 Mrs. Carbuncle, I need you back at the bank. 186 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,920 Robert Wagner is coming in to open a checking account. 187 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,463 Huh?! 188 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,924 (classic Lucille Ball wail) 189 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:55,261 You still see that crow on shows sometimes. 190 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,554 ANNOUNCER (on TV): Coming up on Tube Town-- 191 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:59,098 the '80s classic, Supreme Courtney. 192 00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,685 ...according to the principle sublato fundamento, cadit opus, 193 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,688 we need to look at Hargrove versus the State of New York, 194 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,690 in which the court firmly adhered to the... 195 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,358 (smitten gibberish) 196 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,777 (canned laughter and applause) 197 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:14,530 Stupid jerk. 198 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,616 He owes me a minibike, and I am going to get it. 199 00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,618 (laughing) 200 00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,536 (doorbell rings) 201 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,790 -Hey, Apu. -Mr. Homer, you inadvertently 202 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,751 left your nuclear plant security badge 203 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,169 in the birthday card rack. 204 00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:29,629 HOMER: Can't lose that. 205 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,631 It's the best picture of me I have. 206 00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,175 Well, I am more concerned with global terrorism. 207 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,052 America's enemies would give anything 208 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,553 for your nuclear knowledge. 209 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,890 Yeah, I do know a lot about nuclears. 210 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,225 And America has so many enemies-- 211 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,479 Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, 212 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,856 the hoochies that laid low Tiger Woods, 213 00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,067 undesirable immigrants, by which I mean 214 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,153 everyone that came after me, including my children. 215 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:58,240 {\an8}...so I'm offering to trade your country nuclear secrets 216 00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,950 {\an8}for a minibike. 217 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,578 {\an8}Concludingly yours, Bart Simpson. 218 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,758 Hmm... hmm! 219 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,802 Marge, would you like a Thicker Than Waters 220 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,346 -collectible plate? -Homer, you can't order 221 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,056 anything from that magazine. 222 00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,849 It's 25 years old. 223 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,601 Oh, yeah? I'll show you. 224 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,979 "TV Guide Offer, One World Trade Center..." 225 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,564 Did I get any mail today, Mom? 226 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:33,567 Uh, well, of course you did. 227 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,986 A gutter cleaning coupon? 228 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,947 Hey, they're your gutters, too. 229 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,074 Oh! 230 00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:42,451 (grunting with effort) 231 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,953 Huh? 232 00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:52,878 You must've found out about my letters. 233 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:55,297 (chuckles nervously) They were just a joke. 234 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,007 Really? That's too bad. 235 00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:59,301 Because we are very interested in your offer. 236 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,056 Uh, you're just lucky we picked you up 237 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,641 before the FBI got to you. 238 00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:12,815 Another disgrace for the French Bureau of Investigation. 239 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,069 Don't forget us, the A-Team of Finland. 240 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:20,281 I pity the fool who messes with B.A. Backstrum. 241 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,743 ("A-Team"-like theme plays out) 242 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,500 We accept your offer. 243 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,461 The secrets from your father's nuclear plant 244 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,755 for one Street Assassin minibike. 245 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:39,467 Just transfer everything to this flash drive. 246 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,430 I don't know. Can I really betray my country? 247 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,099 I say the Pledge of Allegiance every day. 248 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,934 You pledge allegiance to the flag. 249 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,770 And the flag is made in China. 250 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,772 Hmph. 251 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,982 ANNOUNCER (on TV): We return to Thicker Than Waters: 252 00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,193 the E! True Hollywood Story. 253 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,612 {\an8}NARRATOR: Digby Sheridan, who played Patrick, 254 00:12:59,695 --> 00:13:02,072 {\an8}had enormous problems with the show. 255 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,991 (British accent) Crap, total crap. 256 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,035 You, writer, what's your name? 257 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,828 Um, David Mamet. 258 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,747 Well, Mr. Mamet, 259 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,832 why don't you (bleep) learn how to (bleep) write 260 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,417 a (bleep) script! 261 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,629 Hmm... (bleep). 262 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,047 I could use that. 263 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:28,808 Dad, I was thinking about it, and you're right. 264 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,893 You shouldn't buy me something I didn't earn. 265 00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,478 And because you gave me the tough love 266 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,730 I didn't know I needed, I'm gonna be spending 267 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,565 lots and lots more time with you. 268 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,484 Aw. 269 00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,153 (sneaky chuckle) He's buying it. 270 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,155 I'm buying it! 271 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,659 (Thicker Than Waters theme) ♪ Cherish that family smile ♪ 272 00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:51,997 ♪ Picket fence days don't last forever ♪ 273 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:55,960 ♪ The future is coming up ♪ 274 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,670 ♪ Mom and Dad ♪ 275 00:13:57,753 --> 00:14:02,216 ♪ And kids are precious ♪ 276 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,468 I love visiting you at work, Dad. 277 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,971 And I love having you here, son. 278 00:14:07,054 --> 00:14:09,557 'Cause you can wake me up if somebody comes. 279 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:16,730 (snoring) 280 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,660 Check this out, Bart. 281 00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,662 One of those retinal scan dealies. 282 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:36,500 It only opens to my eye or an exact copy. 283 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,089 (laughs) 284 00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,925 Let's see if this works. 285 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:46,927 (beeps) 286 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,262 (bell chimes) 287 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:53,517 -(shouts) Ooh! Damn, that hurt! -(alarm blaring) 288 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:54,977 I'll just use my eye. 289 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,353 (screams) 290 00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:59,648 Sweet dreams, boy. 291 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,026 They will be if you're in 'em, Pops. 292 00:15:02,109 --> 00:15:04,111 (both laugh) 293 00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,879 Aw, they gave me my own vanity plate. 294 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,213 (chuckles) 295 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,889 (motor revving) 296 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,561 (yawns) 297 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,607 You're gonna love meeting my friends. 298 00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,610 (whistles tune, screams) 299 00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,737 Where the hell did that come from? 300 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,405 It's from me, son. 301 00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,991 Want me to take it up to your bed so you can snuggle with it? 302 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:52,034 No! 303 00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,161 Why in the world would you get me this? 304 00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:56,330 Because you've been such a great kid lately, 305 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:59,333 and I wanted to show you I appreciated it. 306 00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:00,376 Oh. 307 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,836 That's great. (chuckles) 308 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,840 I wouldn't trade it for all the tea in... China... 309 00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,926 (suspiciously) Something wrong, Bart? 310 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:12,012 You betrayed your country for no reason. 311 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:15,140 Now you're gonna see stars and stripes forever! 312 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,726 (grunting) 313 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,035 I've got summer squash! 314 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,955 Mm, the boy's acting really weird. 315 00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,165 I did everything that TV show told me to, 316 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,709 and he's still not happy. 317 00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:44,086 Well, maybe you shouldn't listen 318 00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,880 to a 30-year-old TV show that only got on the air 319 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:48,424 because the creator had evidence 320 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,968 the network president ran over a guy. 321 00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,303 Where's he going? 322 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:03,439 Why on earth would a child go to the zoo? 323 00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,030 (gasps) 324 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:14,992 (sighs) It's still here. 325 00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:18,996 Yes! I get the flash drive back and the manila envelope! 326 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,459 Aha! Typical American treachery! 327 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,961 I can't believe a boy who would betray his country 328 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,755 would betray a different country. 329 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,673 -Unbelievable! -Terrible! 330 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,258 Masters, I can explain. 331 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,761 Explain nothing! Hand over the flash drive. 332 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,388 -(gulps) -(all gasp) 333 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,016 Then you leave us no choice. 334 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:43,270 -A teddy bear? -A teddy bear made in China. 335 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,524 (electricity crackles) 336 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,449 -Step away from the traitor! -Dad! 337 00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,701 The boy's flash drive may be in there, 338 00:17:57,785 --> 00:18:01,622 but I've got a lifetime of nuclear secrets up here. 339 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,792 Okay, but don't read our subtitles. 340 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:08,045 {\an8}(speaking Chinese) 341 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:23,727 I know what you're saying. 342 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:26,396 I understand food talk in every language! 343 00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:32,194 American fatso, your knowledge helped us build this plant. 344 00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,904 We would like you to have the honor 345 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,240 of cutting the ceremonial ribbon. 346 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,538 Um, I'll see myself out. 347 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:49,419 Okay, who can take me to the airport for less than $20? 348 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:55,509 {\an8}I can stand here all day. 349 00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,970 {\an8}Oh, my feet hurt. 350 00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:01,223 You know, Dad, 351 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,642 I really did have a good time hanging out with you. 352 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:07,396 Well, now it's time for the best kind of bonding-- 353 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,857 sitting next to each other in silence, 354 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,860 staring blankly at the TV. 355 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:16,280 ♪ They fight and bite, they fight and bite and fight ♪ 356 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,115 ♪ Fight-fight-fight, bite-bite-bite ♪ 357 00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:20,909 ♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪ 358 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,130 (bees buzzing) 359 00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,805 (growling) 360 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,225 (both laughing) 361 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,898 It's good enough. 362 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,608 Let's go home. 363 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,950 Rebecca, you briefly inspired 364 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,203 the hairstyle called "The Lizzie." 365 00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,538 Is "The Lizzie" with us here tonight? 366 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,332 I was clear with your people 367 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:10,959 that I would not recreate "The Lizzie." 368 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:14,004 Oh, but "The Lizzie" is here. 369 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,964 (high-pitched voice) "I shouldn't judge my prom date 370 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,133 just because he's in a wheelchair. 371 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:22,012 I should judge him by who he is... in here." 372 00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:23,847 (normal voice) The family hugs. 373 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,725 -Ew. -I slept with everyone in the cast, 374 00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:28,393 including the dog. 375 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,646 To quote Matthew Perry from Friends, 376 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,981 "too much information." 377 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,484 And to quote Dwayne from What's Happening, 378 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:39,029 "Hey... hey... hey." 379 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,075 {\an8}(Thicker Than Water theme playing) 380 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:46,245 {\an8}HOMER: ♪ Cherish that family smile ♪ 381 00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:51,500 {\an8}♪ Picket fence days don't something-something ♪ 382 00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:55,462 {\an8}♪ The future is coming soon ♪ 383 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:57,965 {\an8}♪ Mom and Dad and kids ♪ 384 00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:03,428 {\an8}♪ Are something ♪ 385 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,013 {\an8}(Homer sobs) 386 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,474 {\an8}(sobbing) My favorite song now. 387 00:21:07,557 --> 00:21:10,018 {\an8}Sorry, "Don't Fear the Reaper." 388 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,021 {\an8}(sobbing) 389 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,190 {\an8}Everybody! Air guitar! 390 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,984 {\an8}Come on, do it with me. 391 00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,944 {\an8}Use your whammy bar! Whoo! 392 00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:21,071 {\an8}Now fuzz it up! 393 00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:23,156 {\an8}Excellent. 394 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,955 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay