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00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:05,422
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,425
-(tires screeching)
-(theme music playing)
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D'oh.
4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,178
-(tires screech)
-(grunts)
5
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{\an8}Oh, I was standing in this line
to use the bathroom,
6
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{\an8}but now my license is expired.
7
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{\an8}Hey, Dad, there's an arcade
across the street.
8
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,458
{\an8}And there's really no point
9
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:44,044
{\an8}-in all of us waiting in line.
-Hmm.
10
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,719
{\an8}Oh, I was invited to that party.
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00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:01,436
{\an8}Oh, that's good.
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{\an8}(loud belch)
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{\an8}-SELMA: Next.
-Whoo-hoo. First in line.
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{\an8}(grunts)
Brought you a gift bag.
15
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{\an8}All that's left is banana Runts.
16
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{\an8}That's the worst Runt.
17
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{\an8}-Back of the line, stranger.
-Huh?
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{\an8}We used our last day of summer
vacation standing in this line,
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{\an8}and now it's time
for our reward.
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{\an8}Next in line.
What am I bid for next in line?
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{\an8}-Five bucks.
-Ten bones.
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{\an8}Half a cheesesteak.
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{\an8}I'll perform
at your birthday party.
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{\an8}-Sober.
-Quarter of a cheesesteak.
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{\an8}A nest with a robin's egg.
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{\an8}The wrapper of a cheesesteak.
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{\an8}FAT TONY: I bid one lollipop.
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Sold, to the lowest bidder.
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Which of you losers
is next in line?
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{\an8}Hello, "Selma."
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{\an8}I'd like to submit
a change of address.
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{\an8}Leaving Mockingbird Lane,
Mr. Munster?
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{\an8}Excuse me?
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{\an8}Dad, Aunt Selma's
treating a mob boss
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{\an8}like an ordinary taxpayer.
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{\an8}And we've got front-row seats.
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{\an8}So, you're here for an eye test?
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{\an8}Read this.
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{\an8}Process my form.
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{\an8}(grumbles)
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{\an8}I'm afraid
this is the wrong form.
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{\an8}The one you want
is on that table.
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{\an8}And if I retrieve that form,
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{\an8}will I be able to maintain my
advantageous position in line?
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{\an8}Try it and see.
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{\an8}Nope.
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{\an8}(humming tune)
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(muffled whimpering)
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(chuckles)
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(loud rattling)
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{\an8}Geez, we had a safe
full of gold in there
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{\an8}and it didn't ride so low.
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{\an8}-My lick.
-My lick.
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{\an8}-My lick.
-Hey, you licked the back.
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{\an8}That was my side.
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{\an8}Aw, brother germs!
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{\an8}Aw, sister spit!
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{\an8}(sniffs) Hmm.
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{\an8}Bart, this is a truffle.
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{\an8}You're a truffle.
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{\an8}(groans) A truffle is a fungus
that grows in tree roots.
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{\an8}It's one of the most prized
gourmet foods in the world.
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{\an8}Only you can make
tree poop boring.
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{\an8}(sniffing)
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{\an8}(gasps) Bart, you can
find them by smell.
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{\an8}That's amazing.
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{\an8}Restaurateurs use highly-trained
pigs to sniff these out.
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(pig grunts)
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Come on, numb nose.
Sniff me a truffle.
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I don't know why
I flew you in from Italy.
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First class, no less.
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Plus you forget
to get the miles.
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Interested in these?
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Eh? Jody Maroni.
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But where is your truffle pig?
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You're lookin' at him.
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A human pig?
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Thank you, Lord,
for this abomination.
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-(squealing)
-Eh, eh, eh.
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00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,869
You know-a the rule--
no truffles for truffle pigs.
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00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,037
(dejected squeal)
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And now that I have him,
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I find a new use for you
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in my kitchen.
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00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:17,131
{\an8}Yeah, that one's-a good.
Start on these.
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00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,884
{\an8}-(squeals)
-Hey, don't run with the knife.
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00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,678
Ah, stupid pig.
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And I'll-a pay you top dollar
for any more truffles you find.
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00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,310
And whenever you eat here,
you get the best table.
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00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,813
Not the one that goes
a-tikit-a-tikit-a-tikit-a.
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00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:32,939
Very nice.
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00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:34,941
(foghorn blowing)
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(grunting)
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The view was better
inside the sack.
95
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,867
You are one tough cookie.
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I tell you what,
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I'll let you pick which
body part I cut off first.
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00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:52,292
-Fine. I choose my love handles.
-What?
99
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:54,335
Then my arm wattles,
my cankles,
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and finish off with
my excess back fat.
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00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,798
You do not register
the level of fear,
102
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,633
say, Louie here would.
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00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,552
Yeah, show some respect
for the process.
104
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You asked what I wanted cut off,
and I want lipo.
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Lots of lipo.
106
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:10,810
Or are you not a man
of your word?
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(chuckles) I like you.
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I don't know whether
to knock you on your kisser
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or kiss you on your knockers.
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(moans)
I don't know whether
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to peck you on the kisser,
or kiss you on the...
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You shall have your lipo.
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Call our doctor friend
who owes us a favor.
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Actually, we owe him a favor.
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Do him two favors,
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then remind him that
he owes us a favor.
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Tony, the surgery
was a complete success,
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so can I take your cousin,
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the "anesthesiologist,"
off the payroll?
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You certainly may.
121
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Now where is my Selma?
122
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Here's the part that's not
in the trash. Mm-hmm.
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Ooh, boys, I'd like
a little privacy with Selma.
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Why don't you take
the doctor out back?
125
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Should we take care of him,
or "take care of him"?
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-Take... care of him.
-I don't know what that meant.
127
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Was it the first one
or the second one?
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I can't ask him, otherwise
he's gonna "take care of me."
129
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Now to take care of you.
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Take care of me,
or "take care of me"?
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The one that's this one.
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Selma, I just can't
get over the new you.
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The world's a different place
when you've got a waist.
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The clerk in the electronics
store asked me if I needed help.
135
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-Oh.
-(chuckles) Well, well, well.
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00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,104
If it isn't
"before" and "after."
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Blob and Blob Lite.
138
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Tweedle Yuck
and Tweedle Blecch.
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-(chuckles)
-(clearing throat)
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I hope I'm not interrupting.
141
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Um, Fat Tony.
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I was just complimenting
your beautiful girlfriend,
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while insulting her hideous twin.
144
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I'm sorry, Fat Tony.
145
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,664
My husband doesn't realize
what he's saying,
146
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then, five seconds later...
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(gasps) Oh, my God.
148
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All will be forgiven.
149
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:03,131
If you sketch a portrait of Patty
150
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,425
showing her inner beauty.
151
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:08,052
You are cruel but fair.
152
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(Patty chuckles)
153
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(humming tune)
154
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I'm trying. I swear I'm trying.
155
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,612
(grumbling)
156
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:30,992
Oh, damn it.
157
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:34,912
(Andrea Bocelli's
"Con te Partirò" playing)
158
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I love it here.
159
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:52,930
The way the sun goes down
like a crooked boxer.
160
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:56,517
Selma,
in this matto, svitato world,
161
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:59,103
you've got to hold on
to the good things.
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00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,356
{\an8}Whoa. Sounds like someone's
gonna propose here.
163
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,192
{\an8}Shut up.
You're spoilin' the mood.
164
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:07,570
{\an8}This is how I always
pictured this moment.
165
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,864
{\an8}(gurgling) Ah.
166
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:12,950
Selma, will you share
my life with me?
167
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:17,246
Oh, Tony, if there were an
Italian word for "yes,"
168
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,457
I'd be saying it right now.
169
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:26,047
♪ Con te partirò ♪
170
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:32,470
♪ Paesi che non ho mai ♪
171
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:37,725
♪ Veduto e vissuto con te... ♪
172
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-How many truffles did you get?
-More than I can count.
173
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,649
Brown gold. Tuscan tea.
174
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:47,360
Just think of what we can do
with that moolah.
175
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,279
Hmm, I can't find my car.
176
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:54,033
(evil laughter)
177
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,701
(alarm blaring)
178
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BOTH: No!
179
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,334
(evil laughter)
180
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,753
Bart, I am putting this money
safely in the bank
181
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:10,174
where you will earn
0.001% interest.
182
00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,926
(whistles)
183
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:13,844
That's a lot of zeros.
184
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,263
You know,
all this truffle hunting
185
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,431
has made me a little thirsty.
Can we go home now?
186
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,267
Three more big ones
and we'll talk.
187
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:21,352
-How big?
-As big as a baby's head.
188
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,437
-Okay.
-That baby's head.
189
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,943
That tick sure done swelled
you up, Normal Head Joe.
190
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,279
Oh, man.
191
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:39,787
Vi dichiaro marito
e presunta moglie.
192
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,998
You may now kiss one another.
193
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:50,006
Yes! I am so happy
I lived to see this day.
194
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,008
He did give her
the kiss of death, right?
195
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,217
No!
196
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,220
Oh, I decorated her car
for nothing.
197
00:10:03,227 --> 00:10:04,562
Excuse me.
198
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,272
We can't find our seats.
199
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,940
Marge and Homer Simpson.
200
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,151
Oh, yes, you're at table 46.
201
00:10:10,234 --> 00:10:12,028
MARGE: Hmm?
202
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,113
-Right this way.
-(Marge grumbles)
203
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,365
There must be some mistake.
204
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,284
Oh, it's no mistake.
205
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,036
That table is Tony
and his friends.
206
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:21,704
This table is the DMV.
207
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,789
This one, Legitimate
Businessmen of Shelbyville,
208
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,000
FBI, children's table, gifts,
209
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,668
then you.
210
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:30,504
And how do you know the bride?
211
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:33,382
I'm her sister. And you?
212
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,010
I bought her ping-pong table
on Craigslist.
213
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:38,846
Color yourself slighted.
214
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,475
So, how's your tiramisu?
215
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:44,894
We haven't even gotten
our salads yet.
216
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:48,230
So, who wants a picture
with the happy couple?
217
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,318
Why did you seat us in Siberia?
218
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,154
Because somebody's husband
has a reputation
219
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:58,074
for embarrassing himself
in public situations.
220
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:01,327
He's on his best behavior,
which is very impressive
221
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,996
considering he's mad
about a sports result.
222
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,207
Lousy St. Louis Cardinals.
223
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:10,378
Can't win the 1985 World Series
on Classic Sports.
224
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,214
Smile for the camera.
225
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:15,383
I was never sure
about this marriage.
226
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,842
With that attitude,
227
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,011
don't bother coming
to the brunch tomorrow.
228
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,180
We're throwing the brunch!
229
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:23,182
(camera shutter snapping)
230
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,065
Man, that photographer
got everything.
231
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,862
I still can't believe it.
232
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,157
I have never been so snubbed
at one of Selma's weddings.
233
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,951
(doorbell rings)
234
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,411
(screams) Fat Tony!
235
00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:44,995
Are you going to cut my head off
and leave it
236
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,455
in a manger scene at Christmas,
237
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,374
and then an old Italian nun
finds it?
238
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:50,751
And she's all,
"Oh, no, no, no!
239
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:52,712
(sobbing) "Oh, no, no!
240
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:55,464
He's too beautiful to die!"
241
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:58,134
(sobbing)
242
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:01,011
Homer, to restore
the sisterical bond,
243
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:04,140
you and Marge are invited
to spend the weekend with us
244
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,600
at our house down the shore.
245
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,769
HOMER: Mmm. (gasps)
246
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:11,188
So should I bring a towel?
247
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:12,773
We have towels.
248
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:17,528
(whispering)
Um, I take a special size.
249
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:18,946
(sniffing)
250
00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,449
Come on, Bart.
We've been out here for hours.
251
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,325
Maybe we found
all the truffles.
252
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:26,829
The only thing I've dug up was
these weird-looking mushrooms.
253
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,873
I'll dispose of those for you.
254
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:32,126
Koyaanisqatsi,
you're about to get watched.
255
00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:35,504
Listen, why don't we just
stop this and divide the money?
256
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,715
The money?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
257
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,967
The money is working for us.
258
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,762
What's not working
is your stupid sense of smell.
259
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:44,972
All I smell here is desperation.
260
00:12:45,055 --> 00:12:46,932
(grunts)
261
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,058
(gasps)
262
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:55,399
Ooh.
Commentary by Philip Glass.
263
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,402
(bird squawks)
264
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,905
(muffled mumbling) Huh?
265
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,615
No more distractions.
266
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,909
Find those truffles. Mush!
267
00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:07,828
If you think that makes me
a better musher, you're wrong.
268
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,413
-(grunts)
-Wait a second.
269
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,832
(sniffing)
270
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,459
Huh?
271
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:14,794
This is our house.
272
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:18,464
There's nothing buried here
but hopes and dreams.
273
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,883
(sniffing)
274
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,387
The truffle's right over here.
275
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,811
Truffles in your room?
276
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,229
I thought you'd
been selling them.
277
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:36,232
Bart, I haven't
been selling the truffles.
278
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:37,900
I've been eating them.
279
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,485
Really? Why?
280
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:41,946
Vegetarian food is so boring.
281
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:43,405
Pasta, soy.
282
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,157
You know what's a bad
pizza topping?
283
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:46,325
Broccoli!
284
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:47,785
But I worked so hard.
285
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,329
I've got dirt under my
fingernails I'll never get out.
286
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,498
-Not that I'm going to try.
-I'm sorry, Bart.
287
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,667
Take the last truffle.
Do whatever you want.
288
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,168
Sell it, eat it.
289
00:13:56,252 --> 00:14:00,256
Or give it to someone
who deserves it.
290
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:02,049
You spent your life
searching for these,
291
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:03,926
but you never had one.
292
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,428
{\an8}Well, this is yours.
293
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,807
{\an8}Bart, you've done
a truly kind thing.
294
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,684
(sniffing)
295
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,019
(squeals)
296
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,398
(diners screaming, murmuring)
297
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:24,405
(sniffs, squeals)
298
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:26,240
Aah! Hey!
299
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,618
Oh, so that's why they
don't give pigs truffles.
300
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,245
(pig squeals)
301
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,623
I don't think this is
a good idea at all.
302
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:38,085
The only husband of Selma's
I liked was Disco Stu.
303
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,087
He was so upbeat--
304
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,715
till he found out
she didn't care for disco.
305
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,592
Yeah, that's his thing.
306
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:47,177
Anyway, Fat Tony and I
think this is a chance
307
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,388
to patch things up
between you and Selma.
308
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,473
Plus, it's a free
weekend at the beach.
309
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,019
Hey, Louie.
Don't ask me why,
310
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,022
but I got a funny feeling
about the new guy.
311
00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:00,649
Uh, let's brag about our crimes.
312
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,068
You first.
313
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:08,324
Homer, Marge.
Come meet the family.
314
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,825
These are my nephews,
315
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:13,662
Stevie B., Stevie F.,
and Vincent.
316
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,206
Yeah, but you can call us
S-Money, Jell-O Shot
317
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,500
-and The Occurrence.
-I will.
318
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,170
This is my niece, Tushie.
319
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,547
She's got two semesters
under her belt
320
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,091
in Contemporary
Italian-American Design
321
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,969
from Sandy Hook
Vocational Institute.
322
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:31,221
Ah, shut your face, Uncle Tone.
323
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:34,642
God, you two are super pale.
324
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:35,935
But not to worry--
325
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,062
every light in the house
is a tanning light.
326
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,439
Ooh. Can you read by it?
327
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,857
No one's ever tried.
328
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,192
(techno music playing)
329
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,945
(giggling) Yeah!
330
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,322
These people are always
grinding against each other,
331
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:49,990
and I think they're all related.
332
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,659
I wish we'd never come.
333
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,160
Selma?!
334
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:55,287
Va-va-va... Wha?!
335
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,122
Why can't you
support my marriage?
336
00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,000
-You've never supported mine.
-You married a pig.
337
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,628
Well, you married someone
whose first name is Fat.
338
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,797
(both groan)
339
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,383
I'm late for
my mani-pedi-spray-tan.
340
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,970
-(power tools grinding)
-(Selma grunting)
341
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,013
(jackhammering)
342
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,640
Ah, yeah!
343
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:15,808
Huh?
344
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,727
(indistinct chatter)
345
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,022
(laughs) Yeah! Boo-freaking-ya!
Losers chug!
346
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,316
(chuckling) Well, if you insist.
347
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:27,861
ALL: Chug! Chug! Chug!
348
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,613
Chug! Chug! Chug!
349
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:32,199
Ooh, yeah. (chuckles)
350
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,952
Mind if I join you?
351
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,955
Look at our men, Marge.
They're having a great time.
352
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:42,001
You are such a gentle kisser.
353
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,461
-You were kind of all over the place.
-Ooh!
354
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,005
Maybe I've been mean to Homer
355
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,298
because I was jealous
of your happiness.
356
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,925
Now that I'm truly happy,
357
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,386
maybe all four of us
can start over.
358
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:54,430
Hmm.
359
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:59,727
♪ Tell me,
when will you be mine? ♪
360
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,604
♪ Tell me, quando,
quando, quando? ♪
361
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:03,647
♪ Hey! ♪
362
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:04,982
(sighs)
363
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,817
The boys needed to breathe.
364
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,068
Wouldn't they be girls?
365
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,737
Mine are boys.
366
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:10,946
Hmm.
367
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,239
-(groans)
-(grunts)
368
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:14,324
(moaning and groaning)
369
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,912
(grunts)
Which is our room again?
370
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,373
You know, it had that
painting of that lady
371
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:23,000
and the monster on the ceiling.
372
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,502
That was a mirror.
373
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,254
Looking good, boss.
374
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:28,964
Yeah, you look
like Johnnie Handsome
375
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,591
before we shot him in the face.
376
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:33,343
Hey, I got to look
good for my goomar.
377
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,220
(gasps) Goomar?
378
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:37,473
That's mob talk for "mistress."
379
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,683
Fat Tony has a mistress.
380
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,478
He's cheating on Selma?
That's crazy.
381
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,438
Why go out for a hamburger
382
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,774
when you got rancid steak
at home?
383
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:50,569
Uh, I'll just sit here quietly.
384
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,988
-(squeaking)
-Sorry.
385
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,074
(plastic squeaking loudly)
386
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:03,207
(sobbing)
387
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,876
How could Tony
cheat on me so soon?
388
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:08,045
You know, Selma,
from what I've seen here,
389
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:11,215
Fat Tony has a lot
of bad influences on him.
390
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,217
I walked through
a door last night,
391
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,469
and they were playing cards...
392
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:17,304
(whispering) for real money.
393
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:20,557
Well, Homer and I are going
to take you away right now.
394
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,101
Oh, can't we stay one more day?
395
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,645
The Occurrence and I are going
to the tanning salon
396
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,897
and getting oiled and broiled.
397
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,108
(both grunt)
398
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:32,069
Sorry, The Occurrence,
but to use your lingo,
399
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,696
Homer and I have
to be "that guy."
400
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:37,324
Whoa!
You don't want to be that guy.
401
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:38,826
I don't want to be that guy,
402
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,537
but Marge is making me
be that guy.
403
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,621
Enough!
404
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,582
Homer, good morning.
405
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:48,377
May I interest you
in a pool noodle?
406
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:52,005
We also got pool ziti,
pool fusilli,
407
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:56,135
or if you don't like those,
Mama will make you one special.
408
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:01,807
Mother Mary herself
couldn't make
409
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,268
a noodle big enough
to float this one.
410
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,477
In nomine patris et filli...
411
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,062
Tony, we have to leave.
412
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,605
For the record,
I want to emphasize
413
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,400
we're not leaving
because today is "cleanup."
414
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:13,068
Leave? Why?
415
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,320
Because you have a girlfriend!
416
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:16,446
Oh.
417
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:20,075
It is true,
but it is not what you think.
418
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,496
Where is she?
Where is this other woman?
419
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,583
-You're the goomar?
-I'm Fat Tony's wife.
420
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,377
-You're the goomar.
-You're nuts.
421
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:32,045
And I've got the ring
to prove it.
422
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,631
(scoffs) That's a goomar ring.
423
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:36,967
This is a wife ring.
424
00:19:37,050 --> 00:19:38,719
(grunts)
425
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,680
(gasps) That's a wife ring?
Marge, don't look.
426
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,473
This doesn't make any sense.
427
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:46,643
There was a wedding.
You exchanged vows.
428
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,229
I can explain.
429
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:52,107
If you spoke Italian,
which I knew you did not,
430
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:56,528
you would have known that those
were goomar-goombah vows.
431
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,614
{\an8}(speaking Italian)
432
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:19,259
Marge, if I ever tell you
I want to get married again,
433
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,095
I want you to stick
your thumbs into my eyes.
434
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:23,680
Yeah, we can show you
how to do it.
435
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,725
The trick is, you don't stop
till you hear a pop.
436
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:31,104
You missed my first open house
as a licensed real estate broker
437
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,065
for this brutta puttana?
438
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,692
Oh!
I've hit on enough pizza boys
439
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:37,110
to know what that means.
440
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,153
(grunts)
441
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,988
Then, bring it on, sister!
442
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,158
(fierce grunting)
443
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,826
(whispering)
You were right, Marge.
444
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,162
These people are not for us.
445
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:51,041
In a good marriage,
you never say, "I told you so."
446
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:54,419
Which is lucky for me,
because you're always right.
447
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,004
Oh.
448
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,507
BOTH: Mmm.
449
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,218
(theme from Bonanza plays)
450
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,729
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
451
00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,985
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Huberman