1 00:00:02,627 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,383 (theme music playing) 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,220 (exclaiming) 4 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,810 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,022 (Barney belches) 6 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,024 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,109 (yells) 8 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,406 (beeping) 9 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,830 (playing the blues) 10 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:43,543 (playing the blues) 11 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,052 Ooh! 12 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:52,969 (gunfire) 13 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,263 (tires screeching) 14 00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,934 -(horn honking) -(Grampa shouts) 15 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,148 D'oh! 16 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,232 (tires screeching) 17 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,901 (grunts) 18 00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:19,579 Oh! 19 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,552 {\an8}Mm! 20 00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:39,099 (whistling) 21 00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:44,270 (all moaning eerily) 22 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,525 (cool jazz playing) 23 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,370 Hey... huh?! 24 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:23,518 {\an8}(hacking cough, hawking phlegm) 25 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:26,271 {\an8}Lisa, this is going too slow for me. 26 00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:28,231 {\an8}And I work at the DMV. 27 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,524 {\an8}Mind if we take a nap? 28 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,234 {\an8}I'll have to make it more neoclassical 29 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,695 {\an8}and less Mannerist, but okay. 30 00:02:33,778 --> 00:02:35,530 {\an8}You say such cute little... 31 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:38,533 {\an8}(snoring) 32 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:41,035 {\an8}I jumped in front of your picture. 33 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,203 {\an8}Now it's ruined. 34 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,330 {\an8}Bart, this isn't a photograph. 35 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,875 {\an8}I'm not just gonna paint you into my-- aw! 36 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:49,627 {\an8}You just ruined six months' work! 37 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,921 {\an8}I'm really sorry it wasn't a year. 38 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,423 {\an8}(cackling) 39 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,467 {\an8}Aw! You're gonna regret the day you were born. 40 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,720 {\an8}I already do. It's too close to Christmas. 41 00:02:58,803 --> 00:02:59,846 {\an8}Ugh! 42 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,185 {\an8}(gasping anxiously) 43 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:09,606 {\an8}(gasps) 44 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,691 {\an8}Not to worry. 45 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,945 {\an8}Now what? 46 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,866 {\an8}Bart, I'm afraid we need the help of someone older and wiser. 47 00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:22,327 {\an8}(laughing) 48 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:25,872 {\an8}Oh, I get to enjoy this, but I'm not responsible. 49 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:30,376 {\an8}Actually, Dad, as the supervising parent today, 50 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,295 {\an8}you'll get your share of the blame, too. 51 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,047 {\an8}(shrieks) What do I do? 52 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,465 {\an8}Patty's gonna kill me. 53 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:36,883 {\an8}Unless... 54 00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,801 {\an8}I kill her first. 55 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,179 {\an8}I put the body in the car, I dump the car in the lake, 56 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:43,389 {\an8}I put a James Taylor CD in the stereo 57 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,974 {\an8}so they think it's a suicide... 58 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,477 {\an8}Why don't you just cut the paint out of her hair? 59 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,521 {\an8}Oh, fine, whatever. 60 00:03:50,605 --> 00:03:53,858 {\an8}I'll just keep cutting till I hit something solid. 61 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:54,984 {\an8}(humming tune) 62 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,238 {\an8}(humming) 63 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:02,242 {\an8}And now, to break the news as gently as I know how. 64 00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:04,327 {\an8}Wake up and look at your hair! 65 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,954 {\an8}Ah! 66 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:06,871 {\an8}(gasps) 67 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,915 {\an8}What happened to you? 68 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:13,336 {\an8}Oh! Who undid my do? 69 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:16,673 {\an8}I didn't do diddily, and certainly not squat. 70 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:20,009 {\an8}Hmm, actually, it's kind of cute. 71 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,761 {\an8}You look like Posh Spice. 72 00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:23,930 {\an8}That's just what I was going for. 73 00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:25,598 {\an8}I was going for Scary. 74 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,933 {\an8}You did this? 75 00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:30,603 {\an8}With your fat fingers and your brain the size of a Super Ball? 76 00:04:35,358 --> 00:04:37,026 {\an8}And stay out. 77 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,946 {\an8}I can't believe I'm saying this... 78 00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,864 {\an8}Homer Simpson, do me. 79 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,201 {\an8}I meant my hair. 80 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,995 {\an8}Oh! Oh... 81 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,371 {\an8}Idiot. 82 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,584 {\an8}Milhouse, check it out. 83 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,753 {\an8}I put a roadblock on the curly slide. 84 00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,383 {\an8}Isn't this the greatest day ever? 85 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:03,469 {\an8}(sighs heavily) There are no more great days, Bart. 86 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,804 {\an8}Just days. 87 00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,097 {\an8}What's wrong, man? 88 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,391 {\an8}Something happened last night. 89 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,978 {\an8}Something that really changed me. 90 00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:15,106 {\an8}My mom put in the Finding Nemo DVD, 91 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,317 {\an8}but then she got a phone call. 92 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,735 {\an8}(phone ringing) 93 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,320 {\an8}So I started it myself. 94 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:24,657 {\an8}Did you know it has a chapter before chapter two? 95 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:28,077 {\an8}A chapter where we meet Nemo's mother. 96 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,746 {\an8}(gasps) 97 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,414 {\an8}Nemo doesn't have a mother. 98 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:34,751 {\an8}Not after Chapter One, he doesn't. 99 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:47,805 {\an8}If death can happen to a fish, it can happen to anyone. 100 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,308 {\an8}So you've gotta live life while you can. 101 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:53,895 {\an8}So I'm gonna finally proclaim my love for Lisa. 102 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:56,064 {\an8}That's your take-away from Nemo? 103 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,733 {\an8}I think you've already made your feelings for Lisa clear. 104 00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:00,610 {\an8}Well, I can make them more clear. 105 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,445 {\an8}You see, in the past, I've been too subtle. 106 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,989 {\an8}It's my curse-- subtlety! 107 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,491 {\an8}(groans) 108 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,787 {\an8}Homer, thanks to your unlicensed barbery, 109 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,830 {\an8}Patty and Selma have been getting compliments 110 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,749 {\an8}all day at the DMV. 111 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,167 You two look good. 112 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:18,419 -Open-casket good. -(both chuckle) 113 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,504 -Well! -(doorbell rings) 114 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:21,964 I hear this is the home 115 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,758 of Springfield's hottest hairdresser. 116 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:27,345 I need a haircut-- and I need it in three, two, one, now. 117 00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:28,805 Lady, I'm not a hairdresser. 118 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,849 I just put a new lid on a couple of trashcans. 119 00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,434 (both growling) 120 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:37,021 (gasps) A hundred dollars?! 121 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,107 Marge, how much is that in smackaroos? 122 00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,691 -One hundred. -Whoo-hoo! 123 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,077 Wow. Wow. 124 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,120 Wow! 125 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,964 Wow! 126 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,967 Hello, airport piano bar. 127 00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,094 And it'll look good in the morning, too. 128 00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:10,221 Are you sure you don't have a salon? 129 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,515 Well, I open a lot of crazy things 130 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,059 when I'm drunk, but I don't think so. 131 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,311 Too bad. 132 00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,439 Just call me "Homer Fingerhands." 133 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:22,650 I'd rather call you by your normal name, if that's okay. 134 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:25,278 But I never knew you were so good with hair. 135 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:28,990 Marge, when someone loses their hair, they miss it the most. 136 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,993 It's like a beloved dog that died on your head. 137 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,163 (knocking on door) 138 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,331 You better not be brushing your hair again. 139 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:39,000 Uh, uh, no, I'm, uh... 140 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,668 just exploring my body. 141 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,920 You better be. 142 00:07:43,004 --> 00:07:43,880 Oh, hair. 143 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,549 I'll love you when you're old and gray. 144 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,884 Huh? 145 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,261 Well, two can play at that game. 146 00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:52,346 (grunts) 147 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,643 Now that my soft, chestnut mane is gone, 148 00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,897 I dream of cutting hair, styling hair, 149 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,566 making hair shorter in exchange for money. 150 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,610 Maybe I should open a hair salon. 151 00:08:05,693 --> 00:08:09,238 Well, Newsweek magazine did say it's good to change careers, 152 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,616 right after they laid off all their editors. 153 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:13,075 Yeah. 154 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,412 But what if I can't find any commercial rental property? 155 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,081 (dog howling) 156 00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:26,130 (buzzing) 157 00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:30,218 I really thought people would like to harvest their own honey. 158 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,678 Oh, how they hated it. 159 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,022 Attention, lovers of love. 160 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:44,982 Let it be known by all: 161 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:49,028 Lisa Simpson is the smartest, sweetest, 162 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,864 most perfectest girl in the whole world, 163 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:55,535 and I shall not rest until I am her boyfriend. 164 00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,328 (groans) 165 00:08:57,411 --> 00:09:01,332 I know you like music, Lisa, so I'm gonna perform a love song 166 00:09:01,415 --> 00:09:03,292 I wrote... for you. 167 00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:08,714 Oh, yeah, it's a theremin. 168 00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:13,427 (to the tune of "Greensleeves") ♪ Teacher said ♪ 169 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,638 ♪ Don't eat the paste ♪ 170 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:19,475 ♪ 'Tis apt to make you spew ♪ 171 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,396 ♪ I ate the paste, and liked the taste ♪ 172 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:26,732 ♪ Passed out and dreamed of you ♪ 173 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,485 Okay-- first of all, it's never wise 174 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,404 to use the word "spew" in a love song. 175 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:34,657 ♪ Lisa, Lisa, maid so fair ♪ 176 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,494 ♪ With crimson dress and pointy hair ♪ 177 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:42,999 ♪ Do you mind if I stop and stare ♪ 178 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:47,670 ♪ Look in your mind and I'm there ♪ 179 00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:48,838 (groans) 180 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,674 So, Lisa, I love you. 181 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:54,927 Is that love "requited" or "un"? 182 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:59,265 I'm sorry, but I don't love you, Milhouse, and I never will. 183 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,312 (groans) 184 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,815 GIRL: I thought that was beautiful. 185 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,068 You did? 186 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:14,488 Yeah. It was romantic, and it rhymed. 187 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:17,491 Well, I used a rhyming dictionary, 188 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,577 but it only gives you options. 189 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,830 The job of the poet is to say, "This one, I guess." 190 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:23,831 (laughs) 191 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:24,999 I'm Taffy. 192 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:27,668 Would you like to help me roll the theremin 193 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,670 back to the A.V. closet? 194 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,088 It's a date. 195 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,927 Hm! That theremin has paid for itself again and again. 196 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,349 All day long, Apu goes on about Lady Gaga, 197 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:44,018 who is doing nothing that Rava Khatan was not doing 198 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:47,688 20 years ago, while she was a member of Parliament. 199 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,066 Oh, now, how could someone as young as you 200 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,109 know about 20 years ago? 201 00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:55,029 Oh! (laughs, stammers nervously) 202 00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:58,824 Funny how my Timothy always uses the short-form baptism 203 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,118 when there's a basketball game he wants to watch... 204 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,954 -The worst know-it-all! -Wears the same socks for a month! 205 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:05,289 I could just talk on and on! 206 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,958 (high-pitched, rapid-fire talking) 207 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,215 Homie, are you even listening to me? 208 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,300 Because I have so much to tell you. 209 00:11:16,384 --> 00:11:18,094 The mailman did the other side of the street 210 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,679 before our side. 211 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,806 Turns out it was a substitute. 212 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,516 (groans) I'm sorry, honey. 213 00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:26,727 All day long I have to listen to women talk. 214 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:28,854 Not a good time! 215 00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,316 (school bell rings) 216 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,779 Hey, Lis, those books aren't gonna pick themselves up. 217 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,989 Oh. Usually, Milhouse does it. 218 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,116 Hey, guys. 219 00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,992 Uh, Lisa, you dropped your books. 220 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,119 When you pick 'em up, 221 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,662 make sure you bend your knees. 222 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:47,998 You know so much about body mechanics! 223 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,752 Well, I've worn a lot of different braces in my time. 224 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,254 (sighs) 225 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,880 This dame is really into you! 226 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:56,132 She sure is. 227 00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:58,134 This morning I got to second base... 228 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,428 on our walk around the softball diamond. 229 00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:03,180 (Milhouse laughs) 230 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:05,850 Why would a popular fifth-grader like Taffy 231 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:08,352 be interested in a Milhouse like Milhouse? 232 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,020 I dunno. It's one of those mysteries, 233 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:13,274 like how do my clothes get clean and put back in my drawers? 234 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:15,025 Well, I'm gonna find out why, 235 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:17,319 -because this is... Oh! Ow! -(back cracks) 236 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,947 Knees, Lisa! Knees! 237 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:25,035 -(women all talking at once) -HOMER: Mm-hmm. Oh, yes, right. 238 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,747 I know Kirk resents that the dog likes me more, 239 00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:31,584 but Rex is just establishing dominance over the weaker male. 240 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:33,377 That's what miniature dachshunds do. 241 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,962 (wearily) Oh, yeah. 242 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:38,048 Men are such dogs, and vice versa. 243 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:41,427 Is there anyone in here who just wants a haircut with no chitchat? 244 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,387 -No, not me. -No. 245 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,639 Hey, I don't want a conversation. 246 00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:48,184 -Oh?! -I just want you to listen 247 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:50,728 while I talk about the loser I'm married to. 248 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,730 (screaming) 249 00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:55,483 (wailing, sobbing) 250 00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,359 (dogs barking) 251 00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,029 (sobbing) 252 00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,617 These are really good scissors. 253 00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:10,206 All day long, they tell me stupid, pointless, 254 00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,667 boring stories, and I have to stand there listening 255 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:16,879 with a phony grin plastered on my face. 256 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:17,880 Uh-huh. 257 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,799 Well, Homer, you're safe here. 258 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,926 You can forget everything they said. 259 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,804 (gasps) 260 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:35,731 When I look at you, 261 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,609 all I see are the foibles that drive your women crazy! 262 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,403 Foibles! Foibles! Foibles! 263 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,072 Calm down there, Homer. 264 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,241 (shrieks) 265 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:46,909 What got into him? 266 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:50,079 It's a freaky ad campaign they're running. 267 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:59,630 Homer, can you make me look fan-cy? 268 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,549 Sorry, Sarah, I'm retired. 269 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,217 But tonight's the Policemen's Ball! 270 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:05,219 And if you let my Sarah down, 271 00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:08,097 I can make life very difficult for you. 272 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,182 I'd like to see you try. 273 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,351 -Huh, where you goin'? -Excuse me. 274 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,602 Uh-uh-uh! 275 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:14,854 -Come on! Would you...? -No, no. 276 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,105 Oh, buh! 277 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,108 I, uh, I can also make very annoying noises. 278 00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:23,571 (oscillating whine) 279 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:27,408 (screeching, wailing, and warbling) 280 00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,118 Come on, bro, don't hassle me! 281 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,287 Stop that! 282 00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,289 Okay, okay, you win. 283 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,916 I'll teach you how to make love to your wife! 284 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,418 What? No! Just cut her hair! 285 00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:38,878 Right. 286 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,008 Homer, I thought you were gonna quit. 287 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,342 I can't. 288 00:14:45,426 --> 00:14:46,719 They won't let me. 289 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:49,263 Lenny, be a pal and saw off my hands. 290 00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:50,931 Why don't you do here what you do 291 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,017 at the nuclear plant-- namely, suck? 292 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,393 Suck! 293 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:55,895 Of course! 294 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,646 So, I told Timothy 295 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:01,025 you cannot keep basing sermons on old Seinfelds. 296 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:06,238 Oh, my God. 297 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,949 Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, 298 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,367 my genius cannot be stopped! 299 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,369 (sobbing) 300 00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,205 Oh, there's only one way out! 301 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,249 I'm committing Barbicide! 302 00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:24,214 Oh, why doesn't anything kill me? 303 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,678 Hmm... 304 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,472 Hey, that's Taffy's page. 305 00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:34,308 Ooh, I see that she's in a relationship. 306 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:35,643 Shut up. 307 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,312 I just want to know what she's up to with Milhouse. 308 00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:40,564 A girl like her could get a fifth-grader, 309 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,149 maybe even Kyle LoBianco! 310 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:44,068 (Bart whistles appreciatively) 311 00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:47,488 I hear he goes to California on his vacations. 312 00:15:47,571 --> 00:15:50,324 That's the first thing everyone knows about Kyle LoBianco! 313 00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:51,992 Taffy's up to something. 314 00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,536 And I won't find out what it is sitting at a computer. 315 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,164 It's time to get boots on the ground. 316 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,709 You like my boots? 317 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,128 Once you get past the sister ick, they're fine. 318 00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,340 (Homer moans) 319 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,677 Oh, my poor Homie. 320 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,804 (moans) 321 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:13,305 Marge, do you hear it? 322 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,556 Listen! 323 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,141 It's the hair... growing! 324 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,601 Always growing! 325 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:20,604 Blonde, brunette, auburn! 326 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,398 This ends now! 327 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,441 I need some highlights for a bridal shower! 328 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,527 You can start with the rinse! Shoo! 329 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,237 (splutters) Please?! 330 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,530 I'll even buy... product! 331 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:31,448 (groans) 332 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:38,288 (Milhouse wheezing) 333 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,040 Here, my love. 334 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,875 -(inhales) -Thank you. 335 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:44,920 Anything for my silly Milly. 336 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,797 (Milhouse giggles) 337 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,677 Who'd follow Milhouse around like that? 338 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,013 Sneaking around after them all day has taught me 339 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,390 a lot about this sicko. 340 00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:57,933 Evening. 341 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,351 (Lisa gasps) 342 00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:04,648 (sighs) 343 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:07,568 I am never gonna get my homework done tonight. 344 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,747 All right, sister, what's your game? 345 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,541 We're just trying 346 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,418 to put our relationship back together. 347 00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,336 In the sack, he's Salisbury steak, 348 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,673 everywhere else, creamed corn. 349 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,592 I am so sorry. 350 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,844 (chuckles nervously) 351 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,514 Lisa? 352 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,601 Ugh! Not her again. 353 00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:43,020 Yeah, Lisa, can't you leave me alone? 354 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:44,438 We're over. 355 00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:46,231 You're not over, you never were! 356 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,067 Milhouse, you're a great guy, 357 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:50,360 but we're not gonna work out for one reason. 358 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,446 Is it 'cause when I wore cuffed pants 359 00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:54,490 they filled up with leaves? 360 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,575 That wasn't a great day for us. 361 00:17:56,658 --> 00:18:00,537 But it's because you'll always be in love with her. 362 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,414 He likes his apple pie warm 363 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,041 and his a la mode cold. 364 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,459 Good luck. 365 00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:07,753 You don't want me to be with you, 366 00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:10,047 you don't want me to be with someone else. 367 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,634 How miserable do I have to be before you're happy? 368 00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:19,723 Milhouse, I, I... (groans) 369 00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:24,895 Lisa, does this mean you like me? 370 00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:26,146 Yes. No! 371 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,524 I don't know! It means that... 372 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,400 that life is full of unexpected things 373 00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:32,111 and you should never give up. 374 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,737 And you're cute in the moonlight. 375 00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,072 Aah! 376 00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,078 Everything's comin' up Milhouse! 377 00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:45,582 (music playing) 378 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:48,836 Doctor and Mrs. Julius Hibbert! 379 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:52,297 Mr. Discotheque Stuart, unaccompanied! 380 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,425 My girlfriend isn't feeling well tonight. 381 00:18:55,509 --> 00:19:00,931 Krusty the Clown and Disco Stu's girlfriend! 382 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:06,270 Mr. Homer J. and Mrs. Marge Bouvier Simpson! 383 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:08,438 (all gasp) 384 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,691 Her hair! 385 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:13,318 Move over, Lard Lad statue, 386 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,697 it's the eighth wonder of the Springfield world! 387 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,032 You've outdone yourself, Homer! 388 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:23,328 Oh, yes, ladies, I've outdone myself. 389 00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,874 Outdone myself by not doing it at all! 390 00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:28,709 Stop talking crazy talk! 391 00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:31,461 I'm afraid it's all too true. 392 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,463 My wife has betrayed me... 393 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,965 with another hairdresser! 394 00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,800 -(all gasp) -Another hairdresser? 395 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,343 Who is it? We must know! 396 00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:42,139 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Julio is my little secret! 397 00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:43,807 (gasps) 398 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,767 I've said too much! 399 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:46,768 Julio? 400 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,187 That's right, ladies. 401 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,855 And I never heard a complaint 402 00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:52,065 I didn't sympathetically cluck to. 403 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,817 (clicking tongue) That's how I roll. 404 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,361 Okay, first five customers get a discount. 405 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:59,239 Next five hear secrets about the first five. 406 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,365 Come on, get in line. 407 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,326 (women squealing) 408 00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,161 It worked perfectly. 409 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:07,664 As if anyone but you could make me feel this beautiful. 410 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:08,999 Aw, sweetie, 411 00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:11,126 thanks for saving me from the horrible life 412 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,795 Warren Beatty lived in Shampoo. 413 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,924 Now it's time to pay you back. 414 00:20:22,387 --> 00:20:24,973 Oh... ooh... 415 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:28,393 Homie, you're making my toes curl. 416 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,729 You sure know how to please a woman. 417 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:33,232 (chuckles) As long as it doesn't 418 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:37,903 involve losing weight or changing my pants. 419 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,745 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 420 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,960 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Huberman