1 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:06,305 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,607 (marching band playing) 3 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,109 (song ends) 4 00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,477 Well done, the band. 5 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,811 We're all bursting with pride 6 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:16,081 after our girls' basketball team beat Shelbyville 7 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,317 two-nothing in triple overtime! 8 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,386 Now let's make some noise. 9 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,520 Using our... 10 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:22,654 (loudly): inside voices! 11 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,356 (quiet cheering, drumroll) 12 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:29,695 Please welcome Springfield Elementary's own Lady Pumas! 13 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,363 (applause) 14 00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:35,801 (all gasping) 15 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,437 I'm sorry, but the team all got food poisoning 16 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,106 at the pre-rally egg salad sandwich party. 17 00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:43,242 Luckily, as equipment manager, 18 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,444 I... was not... invited! 19 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,678 (whoops) 20 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:47,546 No team? Oh, I guess 21 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:51,383 I just have to give you all an hour of free play. 22 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,152 (loud cheering) 23 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,187 Let chaos reign! 24 00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,688 (grunting) 25 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,623 (microphone squeals) 26 00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,458 Actually, I do have a speech prepared. 27 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,194 Excellent, Lisa. Free play canceled. 28 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,262 (all groaning) 29 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,564 No one cancels my free play! 30 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,199 (grunts) 31 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:08,067 Sorry, man. 32 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:11,603 It's okay. Thanks for making me part of the revolution. 33 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,272 Edna, control your student! 34 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:14,139 He's ruined more assemblies 35 00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:16,542 than the afternoon sun in the west window. 36 00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:17,509 He's uncontrollable! 37 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,578 Pumpkin stickers mean nothing to him! 38 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,146 That's crazy talk. 39 00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:22,314 (laughing) 40 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,683 (groans, whirring) 41 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:28,387 (yelling and groaning) 42 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:30,422 Wee! 43 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,423 Me bleachers 44 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,125 have been weaponized! 45 00:01:33,127 --> 00:01:35,094 Abandon gym! 46 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,795 (bell ringing) 47 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,598 (kids yelling) 48 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,133 (yelling) 49 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,537 (sighs) 50 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:47,706 (grunts, groaning) 51 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:51,443 (Bart laughing, Mrs. Krabappel groans) 52 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,146 (Bart laughing) 53 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:54,847 Huh? 54 00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:57,649 You unrepentant little twerp! 55 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:58,750 (grunts) 56 00:01:58,752 --> 00:01:59,651 (clamoring stops) 57 00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,453 (Bart grunts, children gasp) 58 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:03,222 (gasping stops) 59 00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:04,356 Oh, Edna. 60 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,459 It was an open hand. Does that help? 61 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,227 SKINNER: Edna, 62 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,862 we can tolerate mild alcoholism, 63 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:11,697 leaving melted cheese in the microwave, 64 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,632 even selling A's for cigarettes. 65 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,934 But in laying a hand on a student, 66 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,636 you have crossed a line. 67 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,505 Nurse, get a slap kit. 68 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:20,606 Right away, sir. 69 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,474 In all my years of teaching, 70 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,377 I've never raised a hand to a student. 71 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,279 But you learned! You grew! 72 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:30,782 No! You should never raise your hand to a child. 73 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:33,352 Just leave the crust on their sandwiches. 74 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,753 They'll get the message. 75 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:35,821 Rest assured, Mrs. Simpson, 76 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:39,691 that we have a zero-tolerance policy for this sort of thing 77 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,194 when it occurs in front of witnesses. 78 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,428 What's going to happen to me? 79 00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,265 Edna, you're suspended with full pay until the hearing, 80 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:49,701 which is currently scheduled for 57 years from tomorrow. 81 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:53,372 It was going to be 60, but I moved it up because I... 82 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,640 I like the way you torment Skinner. 83 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:59,578 Oh. So I-I still get my check, but I get to stay at home? 84 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,513 I'm afraid it's not quite that simple. 85 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,615 Uh, Seymour, who's running this meeting? 86 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,883 (loud whisper): I thought I was. 87 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,853 Edna, until the state disciplinary committee rules 88 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,556 on your case, every workday you'll report 89 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:13,258 to a school board holding facility-- 90 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,427 an educational limbo, as it were, 91 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,864 where you are the unbaptized dead baby. 92 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:19,398 (groans) 93 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,334 They never seem to like that analogy. 94 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:24,236 (dog barking) 95 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,837 This is the Rubber Room, 96 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,272 where accused teachers are held 97 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,841 until the school board decides what to do with them. 98 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,945 You show up here every day, 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. 99 00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:35,914 Shoes remain on, cell phones remain off. 100 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,684 No Wi-Fi, and you may not refer to this experience 101 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,852 as either Kafkaesque or Orwellian. 102 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,288 I have to come here every day?! 103 00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,790 Or you could quit. 104 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,592 You'd like that, wouldn't you? 105 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,428 The only thing I'd like more is if I could quit. 106 00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:50,729 Well, I'm not quitting. 107 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:53,599 I'm staying here till you give me my job back. 108 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,634 So, what do you do for fun here? 109 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,502 You'll find ways to pass the time. 110 00:03:57,504 --> 00:04:00,439 Me, I watch that crack in the ceiling. 111 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,976 Hey, hey, find your own crack! 112 00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:04,743 Now before I leave, 113 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:08,013 let me turn on this malfunctioning air conditioner. 114 00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:08,981 (whirring) 115 00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:10,649 Is that ice? 116 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,385 Uh, no, no, they're spider eggs. 117 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,254 (grunts) 118 00:04:15,256 --> 00:04:16,521 He's a science teacher. 119 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,391 He'll know what to do. 120 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,599 BART (whispering loudly): Psst! Mrs. K! 121 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,467 Down here! 122 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,036 Haven't you caused enough trouble? 123 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,639 You shouldn't suffer for my bad deed. 124 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,674 It should just go unpunished forever. 125 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,043 Fine, half-assed apology accepted. 126 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,478 Now, if you'll excuse me, 127 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,781 I have a lot of very important things to do. 128 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,450 (snoring) 129 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:46,918 (munching) 130 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,887 Pah! 131 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:51,356 (munching) 132 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:53,025 What else do you want to talk about? 133 00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,393 Meet me in the bathroom. 134 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,728 (loud footsteps) 135 00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:00,565 Check this out-- a dead possum. 136 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,566 (hissing) 137 00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:02,701 Ay, caramba! 138 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,336 (loud footsteps) 139 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,938 Okay, Bart, what's going on? 140 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,074 I'm a teacher in a bathroom with a student. 141 00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:12,010 That's why most of these people are here in the first place. 142 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,413 Mrs. K., I'm here to spring you. 143 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,380 Well, that's kind of you, 144 00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:18,617 especially after I nearly choked the life out of you. 145 00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:19,451 You didn't do that. 146 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,687 No, but that's what I told everyone I did 147 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,056 to earn the respect of the gangs. 148 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:29,995 But I can't just wander out of here whenever I feel like it. 149 00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,630 Who says you're leaving? 150 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,731 (Mrs. Krabappel gasps) 151 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,766 You made a dummy of me? 152 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,502 Mm, I use it to workshop my pranks. 153 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,974 (laughing) 154 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,509 Now follow me! 155 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,946 (grunting) 156 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,482 Oh, I don't know about this. 157 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:51,016 I can't believe 158 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:53,685 a middle-aged woman is scared of a three-story drop. 159 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,755 I'll show you who's middle-aged! 160 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,324 (whimpering) 161 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,560 (groaning) 162 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,028 Hmm? 163 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:03,695 Oh, great! 164 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,598 The one day I put cream cheese on my bagel! 165 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,867 (metal creaking, yelling) 166 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:13,538 (screaming) 167 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,641 (chuckling) Did a volcano erupt in Candyland? 168 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:19,811 'Cause I just caught me a flying red hot! 169 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,347 Ha! Ah... 170 00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:26,151 You know, I don't believe 171 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,620 we've ever been formally introduced. Anyhoo, 172 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,956 so I don't commit the deadliest of sins-- 173 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,991 omission-- here's my card. 174 00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,459 Oh. 175 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,827 Edna Krabappel. 176 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,729 Good luck finding a rhyme for that. 177 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,665 Okay, Ms. Krabappel, what made you topple? 178 00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:43,068 Oh, your card doesn't lie. 179 00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,870 Well, I'm a truthful kind of guy. 180 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:48,407 And I like how it's printed in orange. 181 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,541 Hmm. 182 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,477 Uh, so, uh, we were talking about why you decided 183 00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:53,879 to drop in to the Flanders Arms. 184 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:58,417 For some reason, I was following the advice of one Bart Simpson. 185 00:06:58,419 --> 00:07:01,119 Bart Simpson? Why, he lives right next door to me! 186 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:01,953 Yeah, when they made him, 187 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,489 they did not skimp on the puppy dog tails. 188 00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:06,191 And what about that father? 189 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,492 Homer? 190 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:08,794 (chuckles) 191 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,996 Yeah, he's the peanut in your popcorn. 192 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:13,832 Lots of fun... I guess. 193 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,568 So, what say we have lunch? 194 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,069 You know, I wouldn't mind 195 00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:19,070 Homer lying naked in his hammock, 196 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:22,541 but does he have to string it up higher than the fence line? 197 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,509 I'll bet your wife doesn't like it. 198 00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:24,943 Ah, I'm afraid 199 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,612 my Maudie's putting plastic on the clouds now. 200 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,815 Oh, you poor man. 201 00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,016 Besides my kids, the only thing 202 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,185 in my life is my business, The Leftorium. 203 00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:34,186 We've been the anchor store 204 00:07:34,188 --> 00:07:37,055 in the sad mall for the last ten years. 205 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:37,722 Oh. 206 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,191 And you're a former Mrs., 207 00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:41,927 so, uh, where's your husband buried? 208 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:42,961 Probably between the hooters 209 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,096 of a coat check girl in Shelbyville. Ha! 210 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,200 (chuckling): Oh, boy, that laugh is infectious. 211 00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:50,202 Ha! Ha! 212 00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,603 That's fun. 213 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:52,938 Thank you for lunch, Ned. 214 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:56,174 Well, thank you for taking me to that Pinkberry place. 215 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,108 It's a lot less racy 216 00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,244 than its name would lead you to believe. 217 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,179 Crossing it off my do-not-go list. 218 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,113 Mm-hmm. 219 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:05,717 Well, sir, I guess I better refenestrate ya. 220 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:07,953 (humming) 221 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:09,588 (clears his throat) 222 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,690 Any chance I could see you again? 223 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:15,026 You know, I am a fallen woman. 224 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,695 (chuckles) Whoa, slow down. 225 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:20,098 I never go to second entendre on the first date. 226 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,701 (both laughing) 227 00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:23,735 Oh, ho. 228 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,804 (loud knocking) 229 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,206 You've been in there for three hours! 230 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,675 What are you doing, taking a bath?! 231 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,245 ("Heaven Must Have Sent You" by The Elgins plays) 232 00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:36,581 ♪ I cried through many endless nights ♪ 233 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:40,085 ♪ Just holding my pillow tight ♪ 234 00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:43,288 ♪ Then you came into my lonely days ♪ 235 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:46,658 ♪ With your tender love and sweet ways ♪ 236 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:50,662 ♪ Now, I don't know where you come from, baby ♪ 237 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:51,830 Aw. 238 00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:55,066 ♪ Don't know where you've been, my baby... ♪ 239 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,568 Good news, Edna. 240 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:58,069 The governor crushed the teachers' union, 241 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,605 so you don't have to stay here anymore. 242 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,173 Now I can just fire you. 243 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,341 Where will I go? 244 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,175 I'll rehire you, 245 00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:08,046 but you will have to work weekends as a prison guard. 246 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,681 Well, I would get a chance 247 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,917 to see lots of my former students. 248 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,318 You've got a deal. 249 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,152 MRS. KRABAPPEL: Mmm! 250 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:17,756 Getting sprung really made me feel like celebrating. 251 00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,592 Let's see what you're hiding under this sweater. 252 00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:24,596 Huh. Well, maybe I should lose a layer. 253 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,865 (laughing) 254 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:28,700 (sighs) 255 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,835 Edna, you're a very beautiful woman, 256 00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,071 but I'm a little, uh, you know... 257 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:36,341 uncomfortable with premarital sex. 258 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,776 Oh, come on, Ned. 259 00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,044 We've both been married before. 260 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:42,180 Those two boys of yours weren't delivered by stork. 261 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,348 Oh, yes, they were. 262 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,183 We deliberately chose a Dr. Stork 263 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,985 so we could say it without lying. 264 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,754 But I think if we hold off for a while, 265 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,222 you'll find I'm well worth the wait. 266 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:55,327 Like a mild cheddar, I get tangy when I'm sitting on the shelf. 267 00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:57,929 Okay, I'll try it your way. 268 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:01,600 But can I at least nibble on the cheese? Mmm. 269 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:02,867 (both moaning) 270 00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:03,635 (laughs) 271 00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,271 Well, a little nibble won't hurt your appetite. 272 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:09,207 (laughs) 273 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:14,779 ♪ ♪ 274 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,618 You have the energy for one more? 275 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:20,352 Absolutely. 276 00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:25,123 This is the best DVD about cheese-making I've ever seen. 277 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,358 Oh, great. 278 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,828 KEN BURNS: Episode 17: Muenster. 279 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:30,662 Oh, what the heck? 280 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,397 I know it's impolite to make a move 281 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:35,233 till episode 25 of a Ken Burns documentary, 282 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:38,937 but you're that special. 283 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:39,771 Ned! 284 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,240 That's right, I'm down to my wife-blesser. 285 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,209 (smooching) 286 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:50,682 (school bell ringing, cheering) 287 00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,652 (cheering and shouting) 288 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:56,087 It's pinot grigio time! 289 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,356 (whirring) 290 00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,191 See you tomorrow, Teach. 291 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,660 Don't remind me. 292 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,928 (both chuckle) 293 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,797 (both grumble) 294 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,636 (tires squealing) 295 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,173 Mrs. K.? 296 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,409 Are you still bumping mustaches with Ned? 297 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,144 Yes. And the way things are going, 298 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:22,213 you're going to be seeing me here a lot. Even on snow days? 299 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:27,085 Snow days, strike days, half-day afternoons, and all summer long. 300 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:30,055 By the way-- you forgot to bring home your math worksheet. 301 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,023 It's due tomorrow-- no excuses. 302 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,925 But what if my dog eats it? 303 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:34,693 (snoring) 304 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:37,328 That's the dog that's always eating your homework? 305 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,164 Yeah. Um, he hates how learning 306 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:42,801 has taken me to a place he'll never go. See? 307 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:45,270 (whines) 308 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,874 Hang on. Wait a minute. 309 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,153 (annoyed grunt) 310 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:04,956 (humming tune) 311 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,792 HOMER: Little help? (sighs) 312 00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:09,194 Little help? Little help? 313 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,295 Uh, little help? 314 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:11,196 Flanders, little help? 315 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:15,433 Homer, could you stop throwin' balls over my fence? 316 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,302 Oh, absolutely, Ned. Sorry. 317 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:18,369 (snickering) 318 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,739 Little help? 319 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:23,875 (chuckling) (sighs) 320 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,046 (bell jingles) 321 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,380 Don't worry, sweetie. 322 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:32,183 Daddy will put Jack back in the box. 323 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:35,186 Okay, time to go back in the... 324 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,321 night-night... 325 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,256 This is harder than it looks. 326 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:41,826 Don't you humiliate me in front of my kid. 327 00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:43,495 I thought we had a deal, man. 328 00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:45,096 (doorbell ringing) 329 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,966 (lullaby plays) 330 00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:52,170 Well, if it isn't the local school marm 331 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,105 and his new girlfriend. 332 00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,507 (laughing) 333 00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:58,309 That's a burn on you, Flanders. 334 00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,944 (chuckles weakly) 335 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,012 Pretty funny, Homer. 336 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,046 It's not funny at all. 337 00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:04,883 Homer, I'd appreciate it if you weren't so rude to Ned. 338 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:08,386 Whoa. Flanders, this chick does not get our thing. 339 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:11,289 Actually, she sort of does. 340 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:11,956 (gasps) 341 00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,259 Homer, do you know how lucky you are? 342 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:18,563 Ned is a wonderful, caring man, and a darn good neighbor. 343 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:19,497 Language. 344 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:20,265 Yeah, language. 345 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,433 Sorry, Ned, but I can't watch this guy 346 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,135 push you around anymore. 347 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,069 (sputtering) 348 00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,438 Marge, tell her how I don't push Ned around. 349 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,176 Actually, sometimes you do push Ned around. 350 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,076 What?! 351 00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:35,446 Don't do that, Homie. It rubs off your side hair. 352 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,849 (screams) Hey Ned, can I borrow some hair? 353 00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,351 Which brings me to item number two on the agenda: 354 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:43,354 I understand you borrowed a thing or two from Ned 355 00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,990 that you never returned. 356 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:51,162 And I'll just take my tumbleweed back. 357 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:52,530 See, Dad? 358 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,099 Having Krabappel next door is nothing but trouble. 359 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:58,303 Teachers should not be allowed to live near their students. 360 00:13:58,305 --> 00:13:59,170 We're natural enemies, 361 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:02,073 like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. 362 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,441 Don't panic, son. 363 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,343 We can bust up Teachy and Preachy. 364 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,045 Here's what we do: I'll take Flanders out 365 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,280 and remind him of the joys of the single life. 366 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,316 You scare Rod and Todd by telling them 367 00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:14,219 Krabappel will become their evil stepmother. 368 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,588 If fairy tales have taught us one thing, 369 00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:18,389 it's that first wives are perfect, 370 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,958 second wives are horrible. 371 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,161 Just the opposite of real life. 372 00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:25,029 Yeah, isn't this place great? 373 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:28,099 If you're single, you can come here every night. 374 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,167 I don't want to come here. 375 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,135 Last time I did, someone slipped me a Mickey 376 00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,971 and wrote "Churchy Joe" on my face. 377 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,138 (snickering) (snickering) 378 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:37,475 It's your own fault. You gotta read the coaster. 379 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:41,346 FLANDERS: Oh, my. 380 00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:43,481 Ned, let's cut to the chase. 381 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,282 Yeah, let me guess. 382 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,950 You're probably gonna do something boneheaded 383 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,886 like try to talk me out of seeing Edna. 384 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,087 Ned, if it's boneheaded to talk 385 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:53,625 you out of seeing Edna, then I don't wanna be brainheaded. 386 00:14:53,627 --> 00:14:54,893 Homer, listen to me. 387 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:57,128 For a long time now I've been lookin' over the fence 388 00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,397 at that wonderful relationship you have with Marge. 389 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:03,501 Then I remember what it was like to have a sweet woman of my own 390 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:04,636 lying in a twin bed 391 00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:05,637 across the hall from mine. 392 00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:09,374 Someone to hold the other end of the sheet when I fold it up. 393 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,475 Someone to put in my prayers. 394 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,677 (voice breaking): Oh, Ned, I never dreamed 395 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:17,215 that beneath those iddilies and diddilies there was a dude. 396 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,517 That's right. And like any man, I put on 397 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:23,554 my secret Christian underpants one leg at a time. 398 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,390 (sobbing) 399 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:29,027 Oh, you beautiful, beautiful wuss. 400 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:33,264 And Cinderella's stepmom made her sew clothes 401 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,133 and mop the floor. 402 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,068 We do that already. 403 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,569 Wanna see me load a bobbin? 404 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,038 No, I... Give me that shirt. 405 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,940 I'll patch the hole in the armpit. 406 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:46,444 (Todd and Rod humming "Battle Hymn of the Republic") 407 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,512 Haw haw. 408 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,981 Can I get this by Tuesday? 409 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,583 Ned, I have a confession to make: 410 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,484 I may not have come here 411 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,687 solely with the noble intention of getting drunk. 412 00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,289 But now, from the bottom of my heart, 413 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,491 I wish you and Edna the best. 414 00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,292 Fellow barflies. 415 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,362 To Ned Flanders and Edna Krabappel. 416 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,330 What a fox. 417 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,197 Yeah, to Edna. 418 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,465 Yeah, that broad is some dame. 419 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,267 You all know Edna? 420 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,168 Oh, yeah, man. 421 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,603 (chuckles): Everybody knows Edna. 422 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,172 We made sweet music in the band room, 423 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:17,008 poetry during English class, and you don't want to know 424 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,477 what we did in the multipurpose room. 425 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,278 Shut up. 426 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,348 My e-mail address is Edna-lover-one-seventy-two. 427 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,450 It was the lowest number I could get. 428 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,653 Guys, quit telling the truth. 429 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:31,122 Yeah, Edna's amazing. 430 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:31,723 Joey Kramer? 431 00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:33,591 The drummer from Aerosmith? 432 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,059 Yup, that's me. 433 00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:36,227 And after a night with Edna, 434 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:40,064 I couldn't walk this way, that way, or any other way. 435 00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:40,498 Ooh la la. 436 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:45,069 Wait, you've all plucked a peach from her tree? 437 00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:46,237 Uh... Uh... 438 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:50,308 So Joey, is Wikipedia accurate when it says "Walk This Way" 439 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,310 was inspired by Young Frankenstein? 440 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,779 Well Homer, you really put one over 441 00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:57,448 on old stupid Flanders, here. 442 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,516 Thanks a lot, neighbor. 443 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,618 Don't you mean "neighboreeno"? 444 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,154 No. Just plain neighbor. 445 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,228 You stupid jerks. 446 00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,663 I can't believe you could be so cruel. 447 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:16,534 Especially you, Joey Kramer. 448 00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,204 Ned, is anything wrong? 449 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,273 You've been acting distracted all night. 450 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:25,209 Oh, I was just wondering how many boxes of staples 451 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,644 I should order for the store. 452 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,113 Does ten sound like a lot to you? 453 00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:30,114 20? 50? 454 00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:31,649 What does sound like a lot to you? 455 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,085 What exactly are we talking about here? 456 00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:37,288 Eh, maybe we should just call it a night. 457 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,689 Oh, okay. 458 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,258 See you tomorrow? 459 00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:43,528 LENNY: Yeah, give me a kiss, Neddy boy. 460 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,796 SKINNER: That's right. Kiss all the men 461 00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:47,765 that have ever made their way to Edna's adventurous tongue. 462 00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:48,699 COMIC BOOK GUY: Including me. 463 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,736 I shall be discreet in my tweets but brutal in my blog. 464 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:55,807 JOEY: We made love in so many elevators. 465 00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:58,109 PATTY: Experiment. 466 00:17:58,611 --> 00:17:59,410 What is it? 467 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,813 (panting): I can't do it. 468 00:18:01,815 --> 00:18:03,548 Edna, call me Delta Airlines 469 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,883 'cause I can't handle your extra baggage. 470 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,086 MOE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 471 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:10,755 No leavin' until we all spook you on Edna's face. 472 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,758 All right, pipe down back there, you'll get your chance. 473 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,527 Oh come on, Moe, quit hoggin' her face. 474 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:19,664 (screaming) 475 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,636 I hope you're proud of yourself, Homer. 476 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,873 I've got some bad news for you, Marge. 477 00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,875 I'm actually not. 478 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,311 Well, there's Ned out on his power walk. 479 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,412 Maybe you should talk to him. 480 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,681 What? My doctor said "don't walk." 481 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,850 That was a traffic signal. 482 00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:39,584 Hmm. 483 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:42,553 He's a good man and a good neighbor, 484 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:45,623 and you're drinking coffee from his mug right now. 485 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,559 (groans) 486 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:52,230 Hey, Flanders, hold up. 487 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,665 I-I know you're not comfortable 488 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:57,602 with all the guys Edna's seen around town. 489 00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:58,870 And country. 490 00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:00,271 Ned, I've... 491 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:03,241 Oh... learned that the only way 492 00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:07,678 a relationship survives is by forgiving. 493 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,615 Endless, endless forgiving. 494 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:14,619 (gasps) 495 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:17,855 And didn't the Easter Bunny himself say 496 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:21,225 "Forgive them, father, for finding all my eggs"? 497 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,562 And if a giant rabbit can lay chocolate eggs, 498 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:28,366 maybe you and Edna can find a way to make it work. 499 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,368 (gasps) 500 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,374 (yelling) 501 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,843 Edna, I had a long talk with Homer Simpson yesterday, 502 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:42,780 and as I was carrying him back home, I had a lot of time to think. 503 00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:48,219 You've been with a lot of men, but I forgive you. 504 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,423 You "forgive" me? 505 00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,258 You sanctimonious prude. 506 00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,460 Who are you to judge how I've lived my life? 507 00:19:56,462 --> 00:20:01,432 Ned, I'm not ashamed of dating those men, I'm proud. 508 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,302 I still wear your bra. 509 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:07,271 Well, not exactly proud, but I'm stuck. 510 00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,307 Ned, if we're gonna stay together, 511 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,609 you have to promise that my past will never, 512 00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,644 ever get in our way. (sighs) 513 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:18,249 I guess this is gonna have to be decided by a higher power. 514 00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,851 So we're going to let the Internet decide. 515 00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:23,287 Should Ned and Edna stay together? 516 00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:25,556 Visit thesimpsons.com and vote. 517 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,593 We'll announce the results in next year's season premiere. 518 00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,828 Probably at the end, so you'll watch the whole thing. 519 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:34,599 There's a whole host of voting options-- friends with benefits, 520 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:38,302 frenemies with frenefits, super friends with wonder pets, 521 00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:39,537 all designed to distract you 522 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,472 while we take your personal information 523 00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:44,875 and use it to apply for credit cards in your name. 524 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:47,445 Homer, stop teasing. 525 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,613 Right. 526 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:49,347 Teasing. 527 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:49,981 I'm waitin' for ya. 528 00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:53,351 Also, if you wanna find the real shooter of Mr. Burns, 529 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,986 go back and look for more clues. 530 00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:56,287 They're all there. 531 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,955 Homie, it was Maggie. 532 00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:58,889 Yeah, right. 533 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,791 A baby shot a guy. 534 00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:06,230 Just vote. It's your duty as a citizen of TV. 535 00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:14,872 If you're watching this in reruns or on a DVD, it's too late to vote. 536 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:18,309 And if you are, where were you the first time? 537 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,810 Fans like you, we don't need. 538 00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:24,348 As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't watch it in any form. 539 00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:25,816 Homer, don't insult our fans. 540 00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,352 Even if they can't vote, there will always be 541 00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:31,756 lots of great stuff at thesimpsons.com. 542 00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:32,890 Unless there's no more Internet. 543 00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:35,426 In that case, either we're living under Sharia law 544 00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:38,296 or the machines from rise and the machines have risen. 545 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:43,701 Okay. Then put the next DVD in the machine or in your brain 546 00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,069 or however they do it now, 547 00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:48,539 and find out how the once-great human race voted 548 00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:50,808 about a teacher dating a neighbor. 549 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:54,078 If I'm dead, avenge my death. Shh!