1 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,673 (laughs) 2 00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:08,258 Massive haul this year. 3 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:13,847 To candy! 4 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,351 (burps) 5 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:22,689 Fee-fi-fo-fum, give me all your candy and gum! 6 00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:24,774 Who are you and why do you want our candy? 7 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,735 Your mother is the switch witch-- 8 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,445 a sort of tooth fairy dealie. 9 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:31,781 I take your sugary sweets and I give you healthy items. 10 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,660 Plain brown toothbrushes, unflavored dental floss 11 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:39,622 and fun-sized mouthwashes-- TSA approved. 12 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,958 This is exactly why kids need a union. 13 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,960 (Bart and Lisa grumbling) 14 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,838 (humming) 15 00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:48,840 Now remember, Homie, that candy goes to... 16 00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:51,176 Our fighting men and women overseas. 17 00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:54,429 It's our way of letting them know we're having fun back here. 18 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:57,515 No sneaking off and eating that candy yourself. 19 00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,851 Marge, you know I'd never do that. 20 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:02,771 I'm too scared of the evil switch witch. 21 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,773 The switch witch is me. 22 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:08,109 You know, on some level, I've always known. 23 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,611 (car door closes, tires screech) 24 00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:12,113 ("Flight" from Psycho soundtrack playing) 25 00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:18,703 (tires screech) 26 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,504 (tires screech) 27 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:32,634 ♪ I've got candy, skip to my Lou ♪ 28 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:34,969 ♪ My insulin will spike, that's what it's gonna do ♪ 29 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,305 ♪ I'm gonna buy me some diabetic shoes ♪ 30 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,932 ♪ Skip to my Lou my... ♪ 31 00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:39,849 (screams) 32 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,267 (grunting) 33 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,268 What the...?! 34 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,562 (grunting) 35 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,399 D'oh! 36 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:49,567 Hello, 911? 37 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,070 I need a helicopter rescue and some cold milk. 38 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,238 DISPATCHER: Copy that, sir. 39 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,489 We'll be there in 20 minutes. 40 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,950 What?! I can't wait that long for candy! 41 00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:03,123 The only sane thing to do is chew off my arm. 42 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,335 Ow! Ow! 43 00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:10,171 I'm not gonna swallow, 'cause I want to save room for candy. 44 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:12,090 (chewing noisily) 45 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,925 Oops. 46 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,677 (chewing noisily) 47 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:16,886 D'oh! 48 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,012 (chewing noisily) 49 00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:19,097 Mm! 50 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,849 I'm really getting the hang of this. 51 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,183 (chewing noisily) 52 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,601 (sighs) 53 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,979 All worth it for candy. 54 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,232 (gasps) 55 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,443 No...! 56 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:33,361 (scream echoes in distance) 57 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:34,612 (Bart and Lisa laugh) 58 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,823 ("Flight" from Psycho soundtrack playing) 59 00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:53,047 {\an8}Dad? Dad? 60 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,133 {\an8}(gasps) He opened his eyes! 61 00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:56,217 {\an8}Mom! 62 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,386 {\an8}HOMER (thinking): Okay, I'm on the floor. 63 00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,138 {\an8}I can't move. 64 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:02,390 {\an8}So far, a normal Sunday morning. 65 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,934 {\an8}Homie, you're paralyzed. 66 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,604 {\an8}But we love you and we'll never give up hope. 67 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,564 {\an8}Can his funeral be on a school day? 68 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:10,565 {\an8}(groans) 69 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,150 {\an8}HOMER: This is so horrible. 70 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,943 {\an8}I can't speak! 71 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,906 {\an8}(sobs) How did this happen? 72 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,407 {\an8}Last thing I remember, 73 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:23,995 {\an8}I was decorating the house for Halloween. 74 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,873 {\an8}Ah, Halloween. 75 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:29,417 {\an8}The one time of year when the squalor of our home 76 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,295 {\an8}works to our advantage. (chuckles) 77 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,214 {\an8}(humming) 78 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,387 {\an8}Where's that spider? Ah. 79 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,264 {\an8}(laughs) 80 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,307 {\an8}Squeeze, squeeze! 81 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,308 {\an8}(laughs) 82 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:46,601 {\an8}Squeeze, squeeze! 83 00:03:46,684 --> 00:03:49,312 {\an8}A real spider would get so mad if I did this. 84 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,231 {\an8}I wonder if this thing has batteries. 85 00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:54,567 {\an8}(screams) It's alive?! 86 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:55,568 {\an8}(hisses) 87 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,861 {\an8}Ow! 88 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,072 {\an8}(grunting) 89 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:06,204 {\an8}Hmm. Well, at least I still look good. 90 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:09,249 {\an8}Okay, handsome, that's enough primping. 91 00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,459 {\an8}Just because you've had a little setback 92 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:13,044 {\an8}doesn't mean you can't look your best. 93 00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,212 {\an8}Oh, Marge. 94 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:18,341 {\an8}This is the purest love there is: patient, supportive... 95 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:19,884 {\an8}Ooh, cleavage. 96 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,970 {\an8}(drooling sigh) 97 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,597 {\an8}Dad, I'm going to entertain you 98 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,933 {\an8}with the help of The Brothers Karamazov. 99 00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:31,729 {\an8}"Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov was the third son 100 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,023 {\an8}of Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, 101 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,318 {\an8}a landowner well known in our district in his own day, 102 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,112 {\an8}and still remembered among us..." 103 00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:40,571 {\an8}Oh, my God. 104 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,448 {\an8}She's still on the first sentence! 105 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,242 {\an8}Must make her stop. 106 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,703 {\an8}How to express my... 107 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:47,912 {\an8}(farts) 108 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,706 {\an8}Dad! Ew. 109 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,874 {\an8}Anyway, continuing. 110 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,751 {\an8}"For the present, I will only say 111 00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,712 {\an8}that this 'landowner'-- for so we..." 112 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,255 {\an8}(farts) 113 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,215 {\an8}Ew! Dad! 114 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,175 {\an8}(gasps) Wait a minute. 115 00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:03,303 {\an8}Can you pass gas at will? 116 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,388 {\an8}Fart once for no, twice for yes. 117 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:06,806 {\an8}(farts twice) 118 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:08,433 {\an8}Oh, my God! 119 00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,727 {\an8}Do you realize what this means? 120 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,730 {\an8}(confused fart) 121 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,149 {\an8}Well, it means that you can communicate. 122 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,109 {\an8}(farts) 123 00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:19,569 {\an8}Exactly. 124 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:20,820 {\an8}(chuckles) 125 00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:23,990 {\an8}I'll recite the alphabet, and you tell me when to stop. 126 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:26,409 {\an8}-A, B, C, D... -(farts) 127 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,661 {\an8}Okay, first letter: D. 128 00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,955 {\an8}Next letter. A, B, C, D, E... 129 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,624 {\an8}-(farts) -"D, E." 130 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,169 {\an8}Amazing! Oh, but before we continue. 131 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:39,005 {\an8}(breathes deeply) 132 00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,882 {\an8}Okay. 133 00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,008 {\an8}-A... -(farts) 134 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,843 {\an8}"D, E, A." 135 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:45,845 {\an8}LISA: "Dearest Marge, though my body 136 00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:49,807 {\an8}cannot move, my heart still beats and my brain still brains." 137 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,809 {\an8}-(farts) -"I miss holding you in my arms 138 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,728 {\an8}more than my butt can say." 139 00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:55,271 {\an8}(farts) 140 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,773 {\an8}"Perhaps someday there will be a cure. 141 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,484 {\an8}-Although if it requires months -(farts) 142 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:01,444 {\an8}of difficult physical therapy, I'll pass. 143 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,071 "You are the shining light 144 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,114 that gets me through my darkest hours. 145 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,534 For further communication, I will require more beans. 146 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,744 I love you." 147 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:12,205 Oh, Homie. 148 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:13,915 -(quiet fart) -Shh-shh-shh. 149 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:16,709 Don't say a word. 150 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,879 HOMER: I guess my life isn't so bad. 151 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:21,714 With the help of my loving family, 152 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:24,258 I even published my first book. 153 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,053 And I've finally reached a state of serenity and... 154 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:28,304 (screams) 155 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,890 Another spider! 156 00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,435 (giggling) 157 00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:37,772 What's this bite gonna do? 158 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:40,525 (gasps) My wrists are tingling. 159 00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,444 I feel new powers surging within me! 160 00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,952 (alarm ringing) 161 00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:52,203 (all grunt) 162 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,538 He's got the proportionate strength 163 00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,373 of a paralyzed spider! 164 00:06:56,874 --> 00:07:00,253 Forget paying for my kid's operation-- I'm out of here! 165 00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,213 (farts) 166 00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:06,008 They say no two ass-webs are the same. 167 00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,969 Beautiful in its way. 168 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:12,890 Want to go home and celebrate? 169 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,809 (farts) 170 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:16,936 Whoo! 171 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,901 I wish I could move like him. 172 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,870 FLANDERS: Springfield, my hometown. 173 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,663 Pretty little place. 174 00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,331 Although, even the Garden of Eden 175 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,376 {\an8}could use a nice cleansing rain now and then. 176 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,837 {\an8}-(laughter) -My money's on the kid. 177 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,131 (machine churning) 178 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,633 (tires screech) 179 00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,011 Hey, whiskers. Want to party? 180 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,805 Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees. 181 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:53,806 Hmm? 182 00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:57,727 Have I lost my back-alley beauty? 183 00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,147 Well, those who can't do, teach. 184 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:06,903 FLANDERS: No more distractions. 185 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,154 I have work to do. 186 00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:11,157 (Dexter theme music playing) 187 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,603 (truck beeping) 188 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,948 (groans) 189 00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:55,243 All these years, I thought murder was a sin. 190 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,745 Then I got new instructions from the good Lord Himself 191 00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,705 in his favorite language-- English. 192 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:03,709 VOICE OF GOD: Slay Montgomery Burns and pee in his ashes! 193 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,211 Are you sure, Lord? 194 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:08,047 If you're having trouble with the second part, 195 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,757 drink a lot of water. 196 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,926 Now I've got to go. 197 00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:15,471 A hip-hop star is thanking me at the VMAs. 198 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,933 (gasps) 199 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,316 FLANDERS: And so white-bread Ned 200 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,236 became the avenging sword of the Lord. 201 00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:43,291 Peter, Andrew, James the Greater, James the Lesser, 202 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,126 John, Philip, Thaddeus. 203 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,671 Heavenly Father, I... 204 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,006 VOICE OF GOD: Quiet, you! 205 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,633 Your next divine whack job is a twofer. 206 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:56,846 I command you to kill Patty and Selma Bouvier. 207 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,306 Patty and Selma? 208 00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,975 Sure they smoke, and they don't shave much of anything, 209 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,518 but do they deserve to die? 210 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:06,105 Do not question me, the star of the Bible. 211 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:09,442 Now, on a non-murder- related note, 212 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,652 I want you to find out 213 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:15,156 what's making that funny noise in Homer Simpson's car. 214 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:16,907 It's, uh, it's, you know, 215 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,909 it's like a chigga-chigga-chigga-chigga. 216 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,287 But you only hear it when you're driving over 30. 217 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,123 And you never hear it when you take it to the shop. 218 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,001 Then it sounds perfect. 219 00:10:27,084 --> 00:10:28,711 Yes, Lord! 220 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,796 Homer, have you noticed how many of your enemies 221 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,506 have died lately? 222 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,550 Mr. Burns, Sideshow Bob... 223 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,177 You forgot Patty and Selma. 224 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,137 Oh, wait. That hasn't happened yet. 225 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,014 Patty and Selma? 226 00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:42,183 Who's next, Ned Flanders? 227 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:43,893 Now, how would that work? 228 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,061 Huh? 229 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,105 (tires screech) 230 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,069 (descending whistle) 231 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:57,865 (laughs) 232 00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:01,160 Okay, stupid Flanders, 233 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:04,580 first I want you to kill that guy at the ice cream parlor 234 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,958 who gave Homer Simpson a cone that had a little air in it. 235 00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:09,377 FLANDERS (sighs): Really? 236 00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,253 Come on! God does crazy things! 237 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,838 -Check your Old Testament. -Hey, Dad. 238 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,841 Hey Bart... Uh, I mean, Jesus. 239 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,344 Hey son, you want Flanders to kill anybody? 240 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:19,804 He's totally in my power. 241 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:22,807 Well, there's a tall boy in front of me in class, so I can't see the board. 242 00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,934 And I sayeth unto you, 243 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,645 slay every tall boy in town! 244 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:28,729 -Yeah! -Yeah! 245 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,564 -Homer Simpson! -(shrieks) 246 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,316 You made a killer out of me! 247 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,568 Yeah, and what are you gonna do about it? 248 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:37,446 -I'm going to kill you! -(shrieks) 249 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,532 Because of you, I'm going to Hell! 250 00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:40,616 Language. 251 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,743 Hell! Damn! Backside! 252 00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:43,994 Nothing matters anymore! 253 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:47,081 I'm goin' down and my hand-basket seats two! 254 00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:49,250 (scoffs) Wake up, Flanders! 255 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:52,211 There is no Hell, and there is no God. 256 00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:55,005 If there were, would He let me do this? 257 00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:59,844 (gasping and wailing) 258 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:01,679 GOD: Why you little... 259 00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:05,099 (choking) 260 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:06,350 (gasps) 261 00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,018 What happened?! 262 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,771 Uh... Flanders killed Homer. 263 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,357 -But, but... -But you're God. 264 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:15,776 Couldn't you make everything the way it was? 265 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,528 Well, I could. 266 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:20,698 But the big man downstairs wouldn't like it. 267 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,116 (murmurs) 268 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,494 Get me a coffee! 269 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,288 Yes, sir. 270 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,127 Could this get any worse? 271 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,047 Honey, come back to bed. 272 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,383 -Oh, for cryin' out loud! -(Satan chuckles) 273 00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,144 (indistinct voices) 274 00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:51,604 People, you are on the most 275 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,315 inhospitable planet in the galaxy. 276 00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:56,150 Extreme temperatures... 277 00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,152 vicious indigenous life forms... 278 00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,571 Are there any questions? Yes? 279 00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:03,324 -Are we in Kansas anymore? -No. 280 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:04,825 Well, are we in Nebraska? 281 00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:07,244 No! We are not in any state! 282 00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:09,163 Oh, oh, is it Michigan? 283 00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:11,165 Nobody talk anymore! 284 00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:14,335 You will now direct your attention to our C.E.O., 285 00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,628 Mr. Krusty the Clown. 286 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:19,215 We are here on this fakakta planet for one reason: 287 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,633 Hilarium. 288 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,969 Spray this in an audience and they'll laugh at anything. 289 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,387 And I need some now. 290 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,807 Gotta play a Nazi party rally. 291 00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,683 Oh, yeah, they're back. 292 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:33,437 Our spies will go planet-side, locate said Hilarium 293 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:36,273 and contact us so that we may begin extraction. 294 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:39,568 This is a delicate mission that requires utter loyalty. 295 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,445 I can think of no better candidate 296 00:13:41,529 --> 00:13:45,032 than the resentful guy in the wheelchair who has just arrived. 297 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:50,746 Yes, I think this is gonna work out just fine. 298 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,459 All strapped in? 299 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,752 Yep. 300 00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:02,007 Now prepare to take an incredible journey across the room! 301 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,885 (whooshing) 302 00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:07,638 Yo. 303 00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:17,898 Whoa! Check out this bitchin' bod! 304 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,025 Oh, man, if I could just have 305 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,653 five minutes alone with my old bullies... 306 00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:23,904 Hey, avaturd. 307 00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,155 Are you guys gonna beat me up? 308 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,198 Naw, we can't. 309 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,742 These avatars cost $80 billion each. 310 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,745 But your human body costs nothing. 311 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,498 (grunting and groaning) 312 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,667 (skunk chittering) 313 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,337 (chuckling) 314 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:43,090 (creature growling) 315 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,675 (grunting) 316 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,218 Whoa! 317 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,138 Come on, let's bond, you stupid jerk. 318 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:54,393 That's a Japanese outlet, Bart. You need an adapter. 319 00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:56,812 -(groaning) -(zapping) 320 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,315 Oh, maybe I'll just take a taxi. 321 00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:00,858 Where you go? Where you go? 322 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,151 No meter, is cheaper, yeah? 323 00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,360 No, thanks. 324 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,946 Suit yourself, you one-eyed bastard. 325 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,448 (grunts) 326 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,825 Aw, the only thing that looks good on this stupid planet 327 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:10,868 are the bananas. 328 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,330 Hmm?! 329 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,373 Ay, caramba! 330 00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:20,294 (battle cry) 331 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,219 Thanks, dude. 332 00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,971 I am a female! 333 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,306 You don't have to yell! 334 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:35,643 I am not yelling! This is my seductive voice! 335 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,896 I am called Kamala. 336 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:42,399 Oh! Even when we're monsters, he gets the girl. 337 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:43,484 {\an8}(grunts) 338 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:46,612 {\an8}Fool! Every part of this world is alive! 339 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,948 {\an8}Apologize to sister rock! 340 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:51,116 {\an8}Sorry, sister rock. 341 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,703 {\an8}Now you've murdered our brothers, the flowers! 342 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,455 Stupid! Stupid! 343 00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,791 Now you're having sex with uncle tree! 344 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,167 (groans) 345 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,586 Thank the Almighty Fungus you are wiser 346 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,505 and cuter than your friend. 347 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:07,091 Hey, what gives, man? 348 00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:10,302 And now let us touch testicles and mate for life. 349 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,012 Don't you mean tentacles? 350 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,681 I know what I said! 351 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,557 Ay, caramba! 352 00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,851 (zapping) 353 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:22,481 Today you are a man. Mazel Tov! 354 00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,822 So... was it okay? 355 00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,490 It was serviceable! 356 00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:35,327 Ah, man, back on Earth we don't have so many moons. 357 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:38,497 What do you mean, "back on Earth"? 358 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:43,502 Uh... it's a place on the other side of this planet that's... 359 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,255 very rainy so you can only see one moon. 360 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:47,589 You know, like Portland. 361 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,883 I never hear of this Port-land. 362 00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:54,221 But on Rigel Seven, lack of eye contact and too many details 363 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,724 indicate the telling of truth. 364 00:16:56,807 --> 00:17:00,060 I love you, sugar-slime. 365 00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,062 (smooching) 366 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,023 Man, you are full of surprises. 367 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,858 (squawking) 368 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:09,236 I can't believe I'm getting combat pay for this. 369 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:13,073 Well done, young man! Our daughter is with child. 370 00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,158 Here. 371 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,244 Feel the wonder of one million fetuses! 372 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:20,247 (grunts) You said you were using birth control! 373 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:23,834 That only keeps me from giving birth while we are having sex. 374 00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,544 (moans) 375 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,421 How do those mountains float? 376 00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,923 They don't. They are falling. 377 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:33,427 Now that Kamala has a slug in the oven, 378 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:37,681 we must make sure she gets her daily dose of Hilarium. 379 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:41,769 Without it, her crankiness will become unbearable. 380 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:45,689 Unfortunately our environment is too hostile to grow pickles. 381 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:49,234 And the only flavor ice cream we have is butter brickle. 382 00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:52,529 To repeat: no pickles, butter brickle. 383 00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,782 It is the Rigelian way. 384 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,950 So, where can I load up on this Hilarium? 385 00:17:57,034 --> 00:17:58,786 Listen closely. 386 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:03,707 The Hilarium is found in the sacred secretions of the queen! 387 00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,298 (dialing phone) 388 00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:12,966 We have located the Hilarium. 389 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,219 Lock in on my signal. 390 00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:19,389 Traitor! How dare you betray the planet I got laid on?! 391 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,104 They're all in one place. Let's fry these calamari 392 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:27,731 and dip 'em in a sauce made of their own blood! 393 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,900 And wine from their own grapes. 394 00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,193 That's not so bad. 395 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,861 It's a little bad. 396 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:42,204 So Kamala, where do we keep all our tanks and planes and stuff? 397 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,999 We have no tanks. Our planet will protect us. 398 00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,210 Oh, man, you sound like my art teacher. 399 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:49,711 Look a little like her, too. 400 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,172 (snarling) 401 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,342 (bellowing) 402 00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:04,935 (shouting) 403 00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,311 (growling) 404 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,149 (squawking) 405 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,236 (yelling) 406 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,578 (hooting) 407 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,373 (battle cry) 408 00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:28,167 I guess this is a good time to tell you 409 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,085 I've been a double agent all this time. 410 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,920 But now I am totally on your side. 411 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,757 And this is a good time to tell you I have space warts. 412 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,509 And I got them from Milhouse. 413 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,510 (gasps) 414 00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:46,059 Time for a good old-fashioned 415 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:49,271 servo-suit/bulldozer-saurus fight! 416 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:55,319 (grunting) 417 00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:58,697 (growling) 418 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,115 Dammit! 419 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,618 Yo, Colonel! Uh, you've got some schmutz on your cheek. 420 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,037 Where? Here? 421 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,664 Skinner...! 422 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,252 Had they asked for the Hilarium, 423 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,588 we would simply have given it to them. 424 00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:18,383 In Rigelian there is no word for "yours" or "mine." 425 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,677 That's the reason we didn't enjoy the movie 426 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,221 Yours, Mine and Ours. 427 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:25,224 (somber music plays) 428 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:29,269 Halloween is over, which means, America, 429 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:31,563 it's time to start your Christmas shopping. 430 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:35,234 Infuse our stagnant economy with dollars you don't really have. 431 00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:39,655 And whatever you do, avoid the urge to make homemade gifts. 432 00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:44,826 Knitting one sweater for someone costs 27 Americans their jobs. 433 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,329 {\an8}And don't forget, Christmas is a wonderful time 434 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,081 {\an8}to take up alcoholism. 435 00:20:49,164 --> 00:20:51,375 {\an8}Come on, you see your family all year round. 436 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:54,503 {\an8}The holidays are for your bartender. (laughs) 437 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,506 {\an8}("Carol of the Bells" plays) 438 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:04,388 {\an8}When are we doing the Black Swan? 439 00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:06,265 {\an8}(moans) 440 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:53,478 (scream) 441 00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,148 (spooky organ music plays) 442 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,985 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay