1
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:04,004
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:04,087 --> 00:00:06,172
Ay-yi-yi!

3
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,262
(exclaiming)

4
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,143
(school bell ringing)

5
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,146
D'oh!

6
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,313
(tires screeching)

7
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,982
(grunts)

8
00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:28,111
(grunting)

9
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,696
(panting)

10
00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,322
(humming)

11
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,658
(fanfare plays)

12
00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:37,412
(groans)

13
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,420
{\an8}<i>♪ ...Show ♪</i>

14
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:53,261
{\an8}In these
d-d-dark t-t-times...

15
00:00:57,974 --> 00:00:59,184
{\an8}(screams)

16
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,561
{\an8}(screaming)

17
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,188
{\an8}(screaming continues over radio)

18
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{\an8}(laughter)

19
00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:14,074
{\an8}<i>(laughs)</i>

20
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,284
{\an8}<i>Can't get enough</i>
<i>Itchy and Scratchy!</i>

21
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,411
{\an8}<i>And now it's time for...</i>

22
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:20,080
{\an8}<i>another Itchy and Scratchy?</i>

23
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:23,541
{\an8}<i>Who's the star of this show,</i>
<i>me or...?!</i>

24
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:43,978
<i>♪ When you were here before ♪</i>

25
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:49,734
{\an8}<i>♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪</i>

26
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{\an8}Why is my show all cartoons?!

27
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{\an8}And all the movies
they're making fun of

28
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,740
{\an8}are over a year old.

29
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{\an8}It's like those parodies
were written

30
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{\an8}when the movies came out, but
it took so long to animate them

31
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:01,996
{\an8}that we look dated and hacky.

32
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{\an8}Why can't we...?!
(groans)

33
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:07,001
{\an8}(light orchestral music playing)

34
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,845
{\an8}(laughter)

35
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{\an8}Kids, that's enough TV.

36
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,265
{\an8}Maggie's eye
is starting to wander.

37
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{\an8}(turns off TV)

38
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{\an8}-Mom, what are you doing?!
-What a rip!

39
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{\an8}No more TV.

40
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{\an8}We're gonna get some fresh air

41
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{\an8}and visit the Museum...
of Television.

42
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{\an8}Why can't we visit
a real museum?

43
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{\an8}One that doesn't
have the skeletons

44
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,947
{\an8}of the Three Stooges
in the lobby.

45
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{\an8}We have to see the Museum of TV
before next Wednesday

46
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:41,035
{\an8}when it closes forever.

47
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,495
{\an8}It's closing?!

48
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,873
{\an8}But where will people
find clips of old TV shows

49
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,375
{\an8}if they're not housed
in a giant building?

50
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,960
{\an8}Where? Where?!

51
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,797
{\an8}<i>(chuckles)</i>

52
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{\an8}<i>Ay, caramba!</i>

53
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,893
{\an8}<i>(King of the Hill</i>
theme playing)

54
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,064
{\an8}(wheels creaking)

55
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,025
{\an8}(grunting)

56
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,610
{\an8}Flrbbbb!

57
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,529
{\an8}Hmm, they're selling off
all the old TV relics.

58
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,698
{\an8}(register dings)

59
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{\an8}Whoa!

60
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,868
{\an8}The gun Sheriff Baby wore!

61
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,203
{\an8}Hmm.

62
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,246
{\an8}(gunshot)

63
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,623
{\an8}Bart!

64
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:29,626
{\an8}Thank God I had this
in my pocket.

65
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:30,752
{\an8}(gunshot)

66
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,093
{\an8}Oh, my pants
are splitting wide open.

67
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:43,431
{\an8}And people will see my tattoo
of Donald Duck smoking a doob!

68
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,683
{\an8}That was for
Marge's eyes only.

69
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:49,562
{\an8}Oh, my God!

70
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,189
{\an8}Fatso Flanagan!

71
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,191
{\an8}Who's Fatso Flanagan?

72
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:56,236
{\an8}Only the funniest
black-and-white man ever.

73
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,905
{\an8}Isn't that just a rip-off
of <i>The Honeymooners?</i>

74
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:01,449
{\an8}Everything's a rip-off
of <i>The Honeymooners.</i>

75
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,118
{\an8}Margie, you're the greatest.

76
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:07,956
{\an8}Oh, Ralph, Fred,
Archie, King of Queens,

77
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,249
{\an8}I mean Homer.

78
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,125
{\an8}<i>(applause,</i>
<i>music playing over TV)</i>

79
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{\an8}<i>You'll see, Eunice.</i>

80
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:14,254
{\an8}I'm gonna win
the Irish Sweepstakes,

81
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,631
{\an8}and then I'm buying you
a mink coat.

82
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:18,549
{\an8}(panting)

83
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:19,550
{\an8}Are you getting excited?

84
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:20,468
{\an8}No.

85
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,804
{\an8}That's me
not holding my breath.

86
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,055
{\an8}(canned laughter)

87
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:26,516
{\an8}Just you wait, Eunice.
Just you wait.

88
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,977
{\an8}Ka-chik, kaboom, ka-splatter!

89
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,062
{\an8}See your grave there?

90
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,564
{\an8}(laughter, applause)

91
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,233
{\an8}(laughs)

92
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:38,945
{\an8}They were so childless
and miserable.

93
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,072
{\an8}WOMAN:
The size 48s.

94
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:42,657
{\an8}That's when he was the funniest.

95
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:43,908
{\an8}How would you know?

96
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,910
{\an8}I was Fatso's agent.

97
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,412
{\an8}Annie Dubinsky.

98
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:50,498
{\an8}If you ever hear a star's name
and wonder, is he dead?

99
00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:53,293
{\an8}The answer is either
I represent him or yes.

100
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,712
{\an8}Now, let me ask you something:
is there a place for

101
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,798
{\an8}an old-fashioned lard-ass
like me on today's television?

102
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:02,719
{\an8}Um, would you play
a bloated corpse on <i>CSI?</i>

103
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,137
Would I?!

104
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,349
Wow, that's good
bloat work!

105
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,852
He always comes back
really religious.

106
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,939
You're killing me here
with this Catchy and Patchy.

107
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,941
I'm barely on my own show.

108
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,985
Today's kids are uncomfortable
with a clown

109
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:22,113
whose every reference they have
to look up on Wikipedia.

110
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,991
Wikipedia, Twitter--
who names these things?

111
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:26,576
Percy Dovetonsils?

112
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,745
(laughs)

113
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:29,787
Get it?

114
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:34,542
Come on, he was on Ernie Kovacs
with a smoking jacket...

115
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,629
Krusty, we want to make
some changes.

116
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,381
What kind of changes?

117
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:44,052
Krusty, um, this is never easy,

118
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,887
but you're fired.

119
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:47,472
Oh, that was easy.

120
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:48,598
Oh, no!

121
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,017
My contract states
there's only one way

122
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,685
you're allowed to fire me!

123
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,188
(drumroll)

124
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,607
Yep, everything's
nice and legal!

125
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,444
(groans)

126
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,404
Could this be more awkward?

127
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:09,327
They took my dressing room,
my parking space, even my writer,

128
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,329
so I don't have
a funny third item.

129
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:15,583
But at least I got you,
my agent and best friend.

130
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:16,959
(sighs)

131
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:19,128
Krustila, I'm gonna
drop you as a friend first,

132
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,172
so that when I drop you
as a client,

133
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:22,590
you'll know it's only business.

134
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,342
But we shared everything!

135
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,469
Boats, girlfriends, condos.

136
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,931
And when I finished, every one
of them was spic and span.

137
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:32,183
Krusty, I'm gonna prove
that it's over.

138
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,352
What? I'm on
your garage door opener?

139
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,437
It's a smartphone,
you out-of-it hack.

140
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:40,191
(groans)

141
00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:44,278
Little help?

142
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,448
This only shuts the door.

143
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:52,495
So, what was everyone's
favorite moment at the museum?

144
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:55,123
I liked
the knowledgeable docents.

145
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:57,166
I liked the early closing time.

146
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,459
(sobbing)

147
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,627
Krusty?

148
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,296
Fate is so cruel.

149
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:06,092
This morning I was a star,
with a top agent.

150
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,970
Now I'm strung out
in a ball pit!

151
00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:10,972
(sobbing)

152
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:12,265
Go away.

153
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:15,268
No kid should see
his hero sunk so low.

154
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,061
Well, you're not exactly my hero.

155
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,188
I see you more
as a cautionary tale.

156
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,191
What?! I'll show you
who's a cautionary tale.

157
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,526
(grunting)

158
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,319
I'll show everybody!

159
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,117
You're not licked, Krusty.

160
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,285
People love a comeback.

161
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,954
Look at Robert Downey Jr.,
Mickey Rourke.

162
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:37,665
I don't know if I got it in me.

163
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,292
Well, people also love a quitter--

164
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,043
Sarah Palin, The Beatles...

165
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,379
Eh, it's hopeless
without an agent.

166
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,881
You need an agent?

167
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,132
We met a ten-percenter today.

168
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,967
She'll get you meetings
with the eye,

169
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,552
the peacock,
the alphabet web.

170
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,971
You'll have a skein on the sked
before you can say

171
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:55,349
"Krusty's wardrobe furnished
by Ha-Has of Beverly Hills."

172
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:58,144
A new agent?!
I better freshen up.

173
00:07:59,228 --> 00:08:01,814
(humming)

174
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:05,234
Also better get back on
those anti-psychotic meds.

175
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,236
(dog howling)

176
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,114
Oh, this is a bad sign.

177
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,492
I've been to classier
gas stations.

178
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:13,951
(laughs)

179
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,661
I know that laugh!

180
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:17,914
It's the laugh
of the most ungrateful,

181
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,290
credit-grabbing,

182
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:22,251
other-people's-room-service-
eating man that I ever met.

183
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,588
I will never forgive you
for what you did to me.

184
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,841
Krusty, you know her?

185
00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,510
She sure knows me.

186
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,140
Ms. Dubinsky,
can you please just tell us

187
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,266
why you hate Krusty?

188
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,435
Come on in.

189
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,187
It's a long story.

190
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:43,314
(groans)
Oh, now I hate him, too.

191
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:45,316
It was the mid '60s.

192
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,527
<i>I was a virgin agent,</i>

193
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,154
<i>looking for a first client</i>
<i>or a fourth husband.</i>

194
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,531
<i>And then I saw him.</i>

195
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,991
Hey-hey.
Scary world.

196
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,827
They start with the A-bomb,
then skip right to the H-bomb.

197
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,247
These geniuses can
blow up the planet,

198
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,790
but they don't know
the alphabet.

199
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,334
(laughter)

200
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,546
<i>I knew he could be big.</i>

201
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,422
<i>He just needed</i>
<i>some savvy fingers</i>

202
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,925
<i>to mold his clay into an Ali.</i>

203
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,720
Herschel, you killed
them tonight!

204
00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:18,266
(chuckles) There wasn't
a dry turtleneck in the house.

205
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:19,850
But mark my words:

206
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,061
the bohemian crowd
is small potatoes.

207
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,896
You're gonna have
to broaden your act

208
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,356
if you want to play in Peoria.

209
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:26,732
I don't want
to play in Peoria.

210
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,610
They're always doing
construction on Highway 74.

211
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:33,030
I mean, if you want to hit it
big, you got to lose this...

212
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,368
stick this on...

213
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:41,247
and make your comedy
a touch more physical.

214
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,748
How do I do that?

215
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,292
Like so.

216
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,335
(screaming)

217
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,506
(laughter)

218
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:51,632
(chuckles)

219
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:52,758
Wow.

220
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,761
This is the best kind
of comedy of all: cheap!

221
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:59,265
Herschel, you are gonna get
everything you want:

222
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,933
money and women...

223
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,768
There's only one
thing I want:

224
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,604
ice for my ding-dong!

225
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:05,855
And you.

226
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,232
<i>Every night, he had them</i>
<i>rolling in the aisles,</i>

227
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,068
<i>followed by a roll</i>
<i>in the hey-hey with me.</i>

228
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,077
This is the part where I get
the kids out of the room.

229
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,537
Oh, grow up.

230
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,415
Today's kids are less sensitive
than an army condom.

231
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:27,752
They see more on TV than my
mother did on her wedding night.

232
00:10:27,835 --> 00:10:30,546
And they don't complain about it
for the next 50 years.

233
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,924
I got big plans for us,
Krusty.

234
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,426
This is just the beginning.

235
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,762
Actually, sweetheart,
it's the end.

236
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:41,057
I'm leaving you for Ron Rabinowitz
at United Parasites.

237
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,184
You waited until now
to tell me that?!

238
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,603
I can only tell the truth
right after sex.

239
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,105
But all during sex
I was thinking it.

240
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,273
Get out!

241
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,108
(groans)

242
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,110
You ungrateful pig!

243
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,779
I made you!

244
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:57,907
Deep down, I'm doing this
to get back at my father.

245
00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,241
Don't blame this on me.

246
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,202
Your childhood was heaven.

247
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:02,620
(groans)

248
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,163
I was so mad at him

249
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,957
I didn't have sex with a clown
for five months.

250
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,042
What about mimes?

251
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,044
Come on.
I'm not made of stone.

252
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:14,298
Annie, would you ever consider
taking Krusty back as a client?

253
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,134
No! Absolutely not!

254
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:19,637
Trust with me
is like a candle.

255
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,431
When you blow it out,
it's gone for good.

256
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,100
What about a comedy candle?

257
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,268
You know, that relights itself?

258
00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,646
I don't find those funny,
just frustrating.

259
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,606
They're pretty funny.
Once, I used one on Milhouse.

260
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,192
He was wishing for his parents
to get back together,

261
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,819
but the flame never went out.

262
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:35,945
(blows raspberry, laughs)

263
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,571
(chuckles)
Good one, boy.

264
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,533
Annie,
I'm down on my rebuilt knee.

265
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:43,160
Can't you forgive me?
Please?

266
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,996
For the sake of me
getting what I want?

267
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,419
(chuckles) Fine.
But no nonsense.

268
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,087
Except, of course,
during working hours,

269
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,755
then it's all nonsense.

270
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,091
Great. So we're booked

271
00:11:57,174 --> 00:12:00,094
for three weeks in June
at the Springfield Playhouse.

272
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:03,973
I promise you Krusty
will show up on time or sober.

273
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,225
Yeah, that's right, I said "or."

274
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:08,352
Let me get this straight:

275
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,646
you want me
to do my kids' show for adults?

276
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,315
They're gonna want F-bombs,
and all I can give 'em is

277
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,025
"ca-ca" and "ta-tas."

278
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,612
Krusty, there is nothing people
love more than the things

279
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,864
they loved when they were kids.

280
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,491
So you re-create
your show for adults!

281
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,994
It worked like magic
for Pee-Wee Herman

282
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,287
after his setback.

283
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,997
What did he get in trouble for?

284
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,999
(whispering)

285
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:31,125
That's all?!

286
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,794
I did that while
you were on the phone!

287
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,301
You know,
I'm a little nervous

288
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,219
about doing
live theater again.

289
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,472
Come on. Didn't you do
your TV show in front

290
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:45,973
of an audience
for years?

291
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:49,143
Yeah, but they were kids and we
gave 'em candy if they laughed.

292
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:52,730
And if they didn't, until the '70s,
I hit 'em with a stick.

293
00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:55,065
Some jerk tracked down the kids
and made a documentary.

294
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,485
It's called <i>Circus of Shame</i>
or something.

295
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,153
(drumroll)

296
00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,489
And now, let's welcome a man

297
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:06,911
the Spanish call "Señor No-Fun":
Krusty the Clown!

298
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:08,996
-(cheers)
-Hey-hey, kids!

299
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:10,998
ALL:
Hey-hey, Krusty!

300
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,167
Who here likes nostalgia?

301
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,418
(all cheer)

302
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:16,462
Everything's perfect
about the past

303
00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:18,214
except how it led
to the present.

304
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:22,051
Then welcome back the original
Tick-Tock the Clock!

305
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,637
Would that I could
turn back time

306
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,097
and never play this
career-killing role.

307
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:32,269
Ooh, looks like Tick-Tock
is telling us it's time for...

308
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:35,272
ALL:
What's In Krusty's Pocket?!

309
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,900
Mmm. Ah!

310
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:40,152
(chuckles)

311
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,365
(cheering)

312
00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:50,871
I've pulled out everything
but my Little Krusty.

313
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,624
Aw, what the heck?

314
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,543
(audience laughs)

315
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,463
Oh, that was great, man!

316
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,674
I feel like I'm ten again!

317
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,509
Everything I loved
as a kid

318
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:06,303
and hated as a teenager
I love as an adult!

319
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,305
No one knows better
than me

320
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,183
that it's
"Here today, gone tomorrow."

321
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,936
But I'm here today!

322
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,479
Thanks to you, honey!

323
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,731
BOTH:
Mmm... mwa!

324
00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,066
Uh, um, sorry...

325
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,068
This one, I think, is mine.

326
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:22,987
-Yeah, I'll take that...
-I'll, give me that one.

327
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,530
Well, that looks
better on you, honey.

328
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:26,031
No, no, no,
it screams you.

329
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:27,199
Let's just keep smooching

330
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,118
till everything sorts
itself out.

331
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,120
Mmm... I'm done.

332
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:37,042
Krusty, you're getting
the best reviews of your career!

333
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,421
Yep! I'm back on top!

334
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:44,174
And this time I'm not blowing it
on cocaine for my horses.

335
00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:47,511
They start well, then they get
paranoid around the third turn.

336
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,680
And you'll have plenty
to invest.

337
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,891
The networks have
come crawling.

338
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,559
Which ones? Telebozo?

339
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,061
Shtick at Nite? E.S.P.U.?

340
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,646
Better, baby.

341
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,982
Our premium cable network
is a little different

342
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,233
from what you're used to.

343
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,485
Our brand is classy
and upscale.

344
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,488
And we pay for everything
with soft porno and boxing.

345
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:09,575
Wait a minute.
There's soft porno?

346
00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:11,410
And here you don't have
to worry about budgets,

347
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,078
and the critics are
in our pocket.

348
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,663
Even the
<i>Boston Phoenix?</i>

349
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,124
If not, we'll burn it
to the ground!

350
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,335
And that will be the end
of that phoenix.

351
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:23,422
All good. I just have one
non-negotiable demand:

352
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:27,760
This brass begonia here
is my producer now

353
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,887
until the end of time.

354
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:31,347
-Really?
-Yep.

355
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,807
And you know
that anything said

356
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:37,353
at a network pitch meeting
can be taken to the bank.

357
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,817
♪♪

358
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,201
Krusty, my man,
you finally hit it big.

359
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,494
You said it!

360
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:56,330
The <i>Entourage</i> actors
are now my interns!

361
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:57,873
I got your coffees,
Mr. K.!

362
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,208
Too hot!

363
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:00,626
Too cold!

364
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:05,547
-Genius!
-No, no, no!

365
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,174
What, are you crazy?!

366
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,009
You can't put
a green wall behind

367
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,552
a clown with green hair!

368
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,138
Beloved entertainer...
sad old man!

369
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,598
Beloved entertainer...

370
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,891
sad old man!

371
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,812
He ain't changing, so everything
else in the world has to!

372
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,981
(hushed) Annie, it's your
first day on the set.

373
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,816
Scream something nice.

374
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:26,819
Krusty, I am here to serve
you and no one else.

375
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:29,989
"Nice" gets booked
at birthday parties!

376
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:32,992
Hey, birthday parties got me
through some tough times.

377
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,494
For years I lived on
piñata candy!

378
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:38,706
Yeah? Well, from now on
the only birthday parties

379
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:41,000
you are gonna do are
for the insane sons

380
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,835
of rich Middle Eastern
dictators.

381
00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:44,670
Your going rate is 100
barrels of oil.

382
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:47,089
Whoa, that's Beyoncé volume.

383
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,716
(chimp grunts)

384
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:54,763
(chatters)

385
00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,893
(laughs)

386
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:02,646
Wait one hairy, banana-peeling,
scene-stealing minute here!

387
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:03,981
Wha...?
What'd I do?

388
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:05,315
Whose show is this?
Huh? Huh?!

389
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:06,984
Whose name is on
that sign?!

390
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,569
(chatters)

391
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,487
Yeah, that's right,
little buddy boy!

392
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:11,905
Krusty! Krusty!

393
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,241
And don't you ever
upstage him

394
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,869
or craft service will be
serving chimp tacos!

395
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,120
(drooling)

396
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,497
Yeah, I'd like to squeeze
a lime on that!

397
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,583
-(chuckles)
-(whimpering)

398
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,670
Now apologize to Krusty!

399
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,048
(chatters)

400
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,550
(hushed)
Not so hard.

401
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,469
She'll know we have a past.

402
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,804
What's going on,
yanking me out of my <i>schvitz?!</i>

403
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,723
I look like an unwrapped mummy.

404
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,059
Ooh! Idea for sketch:
rapping mummy.

405
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,269
Notorious T-U-T.
It writes itself.

406
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,729
Find someone to write it.

407
00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:44,813
Where's Annie?

408
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,732
Annie is what we need
to discuss.

409
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,150
She's out of control.

410
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,694
She called a network
vice-president "unhip."

411
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:53,155
And he reads <i>GQ,</i>
and he's straight.

412
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:55,324
And recently
we had this incident.

413
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:58,410
<i>(gasping)</i>
<i>Wait! What are you doing?!</i>

414
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:01,663
She claimed this intern sharpened
her pencil "too pointy."

415
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,084
Oh, I see what's
going on here:

416
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:07,503
if a woman does it,
she's a bitch.

417
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:11,173
But in a man, those traits
would be considered... Uh-oh!

418
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,424
<i>(gasping)</i>

419
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,510
<i>(tires squeal)</i>

420
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:17,513
That hallway looks familiar.

421
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,389
I'm only getting
college credit for this!

422
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:20,682
-(crash)
-My legs!

423
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:21,767
(groans)

424
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:28,148
Wow, I can't believe
we're in the audience

425
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,608
of a pay-cable show!

426
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:33,445
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Krusty's favorite part

427
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,281
of the taping: talking
to the audience before the show.

428
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,451
Hey, how are ya?
Don't talk to me. The show's starting.

429
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:40,953
(all muttering)

430
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:45,958
And now... the clown
that never lets you down...

431
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:50,629
Krusty the... Clown!

432
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,634
-Hey-hey, premium cable subscribers!
-(applause)

433
00:18:55,717 --> 00:19:00,139
Tonight we've got the cast
of the hit <i>Boardwalk Vampire!</i>

434
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,058
We've also got Janeane Garofalo.

435
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,184
Wait a minute!

436
00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,687
We have very specific
language in our contract

437
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:10,315
saying "No guests who are
funnier than Krusty."

438
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,235
Janeane has promised to be
strictly angry and polemical.

439
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:16,405
And I'll keep my promise,
like Obama did with Guantanamo.

440
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:17,990
-(cheers, applause)
-Oh!

441
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:20,409
That's funnier
than I can ever hope to be!

442
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,245
Sorry, Janeane.
Grab some shrimp and go.

443
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,664
You can fill
your stupid beret once.

444
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:29,168
Burn on you! I brought
my expandable beret!

445
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,669
(audience cheers)

446
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:33,005
Krusty, this is
exactly the kind of meddling

447
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,756
that only we're allowed to do.

448
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,216
Fire her as we discussed!

449
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,010
Don't make us threaten you.

450
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,595
Krusty?!

451
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:40,846
What did you tell them?

452
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:43,223
Oh, I, I did that laugh
that people interpret

453
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,349
any way they want.

454
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,518
(laughs nervously)

455
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,937
I thought that laugh meant
"I love you."

456
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,731
It can...

457
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,900
Well, there's no room
for waffling anymore.

458
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,777
You're with me forever or never.
Which is it?

459
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,863
What, uh, when you said...

460
00:19:57,946 --> 00:19:59,281
<i>(laughs nervously)</i>

461
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,657
I'm paying extra
for this channel?

462
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:03,452
Hasn't been good since <i>The Wire.</i>
Ah, who am I kidding?

463
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,661
I never watched <i>The Wire.</i>

464
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:07,623
Had to bluff my way through
so many conversations.

465
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:08,874
Well, Annie,

466
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,335
I think you know my answer.

467
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:17,633
Wow, Krusty, adjusting
for age, that was amazing!

468
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,219
Hey, hey.
And the best thing is

469
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:23,889
I kept my word
and I got a new show.

470
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:27,392
<i>Sex over 60:The Mechanics</i>
<i>of the Impossible. </i>Take two!

471
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,609
Is it over?
Can I open my eyes?

472
00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:40,197
{\an8}(chuckle)
Hey, come on, wake up.

473
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,073
Shh!

474
00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:24,825
<i>ANNIE:</i>
<i>Oh, grow up!</i>

475
00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,997
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay