1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:06,256 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:09,426 D'oh! 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,844 (tires screech) 4 00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:12,345 (grunts) 5 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:21,688 (wails) 6 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,614 {\an8}(spray paint hisses) 7 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,501 (Homer snoring) 8 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,171 (muttering) 9 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:48,590 (snoring) 10 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,842 {\an8}Power's out. 11 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:54,012 {\an8}Oh, your father must be sleeping on his side again. 12 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,556 {\an8}(snoring) 13 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,976 {\an8}-(choking) -From downtown! 14 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,019 {\an8}And it counts! 15 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,730 {\an8}(choking) 16 00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,398 {\an8}Think he's okay? 17 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,110 {\an8}Eh... 18 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,570 {\an8}(raspy) Thank you. 19 00:01:10,653 --> 00:01:12,072 {\an8}Just drink some water, you're all right. 20 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,948 {\an8}Oh, yeah, you don't want to go to the hospital 21 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:14,991 {\an8}at 5:00 on a Friday. 22 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,117 {\an8}Whoo-hoo! 23 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,952 {\an8}Thank God it's TGIF! 24 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,579 {\an8}MR. BURNS (over P.A.): Attention, wage worms. 25 00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:22,665 {\an8}It's time for afternoon announcements. 26 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:28,421 {\an8}(jaunty swing music playing) 27 00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,634 {\an8}This Monday, the plant will be conducting 28 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:35,011 {\an8}physical examinations of all employees. 29 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,931 {\an8}And anyone testing positive for narcotics 30 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,599 {\an8}will be terminated immediately! 31 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,309 {\an8}Bad news, Lang-Soo. 32 00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:43,144 {\an8}Some casual Friday this is. 33 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,146 {\an8}You're outta here, drug-o. 34 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,773 {\an8}And don't forget, federal law mandates 35 00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,983 {\an8}that we consider alcohol a drug. 36 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,070 {\an8}(echoing thunderously) D'oh...! 37 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,365 {\an8}(twittering) 38 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,496 {\an8}I told them to make these track d'oh-proof! 39 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,884 {\an8}(rumbling) 40 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,261 {\an8}(yells) 41 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,596 {\an8}(moans) 42 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:21,182 {\an8}Homie! You're home early! 43 00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,476 {\an8}Well, I didn't feel like going to Moe's today. 44 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,437 {\an8}Thought I might hang out here for as long as I could take it. 45 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,273 {\an8}Company physical coming up, huh? 46 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,733 {\an8}Yeah, but a weekend without drinking is no big deal. 47 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:34,112 {\an8}I did it when I was in that alcohol-induced coma. 48 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,740 {\an8}So, what's on the agenda? 49 00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,325 {\an8}Well, we're having brunch with my sisters. 50 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:40,368 {\an8}(moans) 51 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:41,661 {\an8}You're hosting my Preteen Braves meeting. 52 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:42,745 {\an8}(moans louder) 53 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:43,913 {\an8}And we're gonna make dreamcatchers 54 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,915 {\an8}-out of litter we pick up. -(moans loudly) 55 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,750 {\an8}You promised to help me write a haiku. 56 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,669 {\an8}Why did I do that? 57 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,754 {\an8}It sounds so dull and boring. 58 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,256 {\an8}What was I thinking? 59 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,759 {\an8}-Thank you! -Huh?! 60 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,803 {\an8}And you and I were going to study 61 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,263 {\an8}the municipal voter's guide. 62 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,598 {\an8}What the...? 63 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,350 {\an8}Section 1 of Article 21 of the State Constitution 64 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,144 {\an8}is amended to read: Section 1. 65 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,980 {\an8}In the year following the year in which the national census 66 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,523 {\an8}is taken under the direction of Congress 67 00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:13,526 {\an8}at the beginning of each decade, the Legislature shall adjust 68 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,862 {\an8}the boundary lines of Congressional, State Senate 69 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:16,988 {\an8}and Assembly districts-- 70 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:19,741 (wailing) 71 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:22,452 Liquor, mustn't think of liquor... 72 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:24,871 GRAMPA'S VOICE: Hey, there! What's cookin'? 73 00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:27,665 Come on, boy, crack my seal 74 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,083 and drink your father. 75 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,502 (screaming) Owwww! 76 00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:32,837 (stammering) 77 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:34,672 Wait a minute-- that feels good. 78 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:35,798 Mm! 79 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,804 So, a sober weekend hasn't been that hard. 80 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,432 Let me just take a few antidepressants here. 81 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,769 (gulping) 82 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:50,480 I feel sorry for people without willpower. 83 00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,649 I truly do. 84 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:53,900 Homie, what are you drinking? 85 00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:58,404 A surprisingly not-horrible fruit drink called a mimosa. 86 00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,074 There's champagne in those! 87 00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:03,326 (shrieks) Then there's champagne in me! 88 00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,036 Oh, what am I gonna do? 89 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,288 It's less than 24 hours till my drug test! 90 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,831 Maybe I can sweat it out. 91 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,251 (grunting, panting) 92 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,254 Oh, man, I'd better have some coffee and iced tea. 93 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:17,090 No! Irish and Long Island! 94 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,049 What about this lemonade? 95 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,425 Mike's Hard! 96 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:22,095 Then I better soak up the alcohol with some food! 97 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,263 -Whoo! Cake! -Rum cake! 98 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,639 -Crepes! -Suzette! 99 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,099 Cherries! 100 00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,309 Whoo! Jubilee! 101 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,521 (brunchers gasping in awe) 102 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,691 (applause) 103 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,692 (bird squawks) 104 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,947 Wow, passed with flying colors! 105 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:42,532 I've sure earned this! 106 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:54,836 O, Lord, I have once again besotted 107 00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:56,587 my liver with Thy fermented gifts. 108 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,923 If You can weasel me out of this physical, 109 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,050 I will blow Your mind by doing something 110 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:04,053 incredibly holy, at some point. Amen. 111 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,555 Now to mumble in a religious fashion. 112 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,099 Dear God, O, Lord, O, God, O, Lord... 113 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:10,518 O, Lord, O, God, O, Lord Almighty. 114 00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:13,146 (jabbering, muttering) 115 00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:14,814 Hm... 116 00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:17,900 your cells have been overexposed to gamma radiation. 117 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,027 Like the Hulk? 118 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,695 Well, sort of like the Hulk. 119 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:21,988 But instead of getting powerful, 120 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,032 you're going to get very, very sick. 121 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,700 (moans) 122 00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,035 Hulk smash... 123 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:31,247 Yes, Hulk smash. (chuckles) 124 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,915 Mr. Burns, you are liable 125 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,168 for thousands of dollars per employee, 126 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:38,087 not to mention my extensive fees which... 127 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,589 (screams) 128 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,174 This trapdoor app works like a charm. 129 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,925 Excellent. 130 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,677 LAWYER: You'll still have to pay! 131 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,012 (sighs) 132 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,805 This is the last time I pay the price 133 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,266 for the irritating mortality of the human worker. 134 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,226 Smithers, it's time to re-staff with 135 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,687 the super-intelligent kangaroos we've been breeding! 136 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,439 I'm sorry, sir, but they just filled their pouches 137 00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,274 with office supplies and hopped away. 138 00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,692 Even the joeys? 139 00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,153 You know, sir, there is a more high-tech solution. 140 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:04,280 More high-tech than kangaroos? 141 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:06,783 Ladies and gentlemen, 142 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,202 meet the future masters of the human race. 143 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,454 (Night on Bald Mountain playing) 144 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,709 (shrieks) Comicon nerds! 145 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,753 You fool! These are robots! 146 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,213 You will train them 147 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,715 and they will replace you. 148 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,220 I give you permission to shake your fists in anger twice. 149 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:28,971 (employees growl twice) 150 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,765 I didn't say, Monty Says. 151 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,141 Now I have cause to terminate. 152 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,351 -(angry muttering) -LENNY: This is crap. 153 00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,187 -Now get out. -You didn't say Monty Says. 154 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:37,438 This is no game! 155 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,321 Excellent. 156 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,533 Sir, I'm afraid we do need to keep one human worker-- 157 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:51,077 to sign for packages, a scapegoat for meltdowns, 158 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,162 things that would be a waste of the robots' time. 159 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,916 (groans) So we need one meat sock on the payroll. 160 00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:59,877 -But who? -Mr. Burns, before I leave, 161 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,672 I got a few things to get off my chest. 162 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,675 One, I like the new microwave in the break room. 163 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,844 Just push "popcorn," you don't have to know how long. 164 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:11,848 Two, replacing us with robots is heartless and despicable. 165 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,809 Three, how about a farewell party with a caricature artist? 166 00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:17,770 You know, it's something both kids and adults can enjoy. 167 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,856 So, to sum up: nicely done, 168 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,275 we hate you, and food for thought. 169 00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,193 Simpson, wait! 170 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,362 As it turns out, there is one job available. 171 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,865 But be forewarned, it promises naught 172 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,117 but soul-crushing boredom. 173 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,327 Does the chair go back like this? 174 00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:35,872 -Yes. -Whoo-hoo! 175 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,292 (groans) 176 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,004 Well, looks like we've found this plant's 177 00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:45,006 one remaining worker of bone and sinew. 178 00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:48,676 (chuckles) Sir, I believe there are two, including yours truly. 179 00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,387 It's one, excluding mine falsely! 180 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,891 Well, surely no robot can replace me. 181 00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:55,975 Oh! 182 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,436 Mmm! 183 00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,024 (whirring) 184 00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:04,484 I can do that. 185 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,903 (imitates whirring) 186 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,988 What about this? 187 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:12,575 (jaunty 1920s music playing) 188 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,827 (groans) 189 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,916 (tires screeching) 190 00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,793 (scoffs) Nice parking, idiot. 191 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:31,177 So, uh, you guys are my new coworkers. 192 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,721 So, workin' hard or hardly workin'? 193 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,348 (chuckles) 194 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:38,559 I said, workin' hard or hardly workin'? 195 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:42,230 Workin' hard or hardly working?! 196 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:46,692 Working hard or hardly working?! 197 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,736 It's a simple question! 198 00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:51,822 Are you A) working hard 199 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:54,075 or B)-- Ow! 200 00:08:54,158 --> 00:08:56,410 (giddy laughter) 201 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,746 I guess I just met the joker of the group. 202 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:02,250 Better watch out for you on April Fool's, am I right? 203 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,627 I said, am I right? 204 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,504 Am I... (yells) 205 00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:09,090 So, you guys have any luck finding a new job? 206 00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:10,925 Does it look like I've got a job? 207 00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,009 No, I didn't. 208 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,970 Homer, show a little more sensitivity 209 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,596 around these jobless washouts, eh? 210 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,224 Hey, I gotta tell ya, I'm miserable there. 211 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,851 I'm all alone, and when there's some problem 212 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,771 due to human error, guess who gets blamed? 213 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,940 Hey, Homer, you know what I'm playing for ya? 214 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,608 The world's smallest violin. 215 00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,194 And now I got to sell it, just to make my rent! 216 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,197 Oh, my God! Where's the bow? 217 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,782 I can't sell it without the bow! 218 00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:36,200 Easy, easy there, Lenny. 219 00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,286 You can always play it pizzicato. 220 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:41,289 The buyer clearly specified violin and bow! 221 00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:42,498 (Lenny crying) 222 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,000 Um, maybe I should be heading home. 223 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:45,042 -(crunch) -Oh, no! 224 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,711 He stepped on the bow! 225 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,838 Boy, this place has gotten so grim. 226 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,172 I'm gonna do something I've never done: 227 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,258 Make myself a drink. 228 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,512 Ugh! You call this beer? 229 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,847 It's watered-down swill! 230 00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,015 Oh, you got a problem? 231 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,559 Well, here's the complaint department. 232 00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,353 MOE: You know what I think, Moe? I think you ain't got the guts! 233 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,731 -(gun fires) -Ha! Missed, ya son-of-a... 234 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,943 ♪ When the moon hits your eye ♪ 235 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,653 ♪ Like a big pizza pie ♪ 236 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,780 ♪ That's amore ♪ 237 00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:17,658 ♪ When the world seems... ♪ (moans) 238 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,453 When you do chair gondola all by yourself, 239 00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,455 it almost seems stupid. 240 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,123 (moans) 241 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,416 (grunts) 242 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,002 (gulps) 243 00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:29,795 Ah, here it is-- 244 00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,506 Hydraulic systems flush... 245 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,508 EEPROM bios auto boot ... 246 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,678 conversation mode?! They can talk?! 247 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:40,264 I just have to press this button, right... 248 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,434 Well, at least it doesn't feel pain. 249 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:47,021 Wait a minute... D'oh! 250 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,650 "Override self-destruct protocol 251 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:56,989 with authorization code 7... 2... 2... 5." 252 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,991 Human interaction mode activated. 253 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,785 Initiate conversation. 254 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:02,703 Will you be my friend? 255 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,623 Friendship cannot exist between man and machine. 256 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:08,125 But I can simulate interest in your statements. 257 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,586 (gasps) You're not a friend... 258 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,421 you're my best friend. 259 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:16,175 Uh, just don't ask me to drive you to the airport. 260 00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,771 It's no fun to live in a town 261 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:31,607 with a 99% unemployment rate. 262 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:33,776 Things are so bad. 263 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,987 Look at what happened to the man on my pizza box. 264 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,077 Mr. Burns seemed like such a nice man 265 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,871 the day he arrived. 266 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,456 (marching band playing brightly) 267 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,417 (elephant trumpeting) 268 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,461 Cheap power, plentiful jobs, 269 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,296 and all your swimming holes 270 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,382 shall be warm and bubbling. 271 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,467 Can I pet the elephant? 272 00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,927 (laughs) 273 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,220 Of course. 274 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:02,388 (coos happily) 275 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:03,723 (screams) 276 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,266 (wailing) 277 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:06,475 (groans) 278 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,562 Guess I'll just have to become beautiful on the inside. 279 00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:10,938 MARGE: Which he didn't. 280 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:11,856 I ain't paying! 281 00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,774 Two of my shortbreads were broken! 282 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,735 Hey, check it out! 283 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,111 Lenny's hit a new low! 284 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:21,031 I don't want my window washed! 285 00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,700 Too late! 286 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:27,329 I don't want my squeegee wiped! 287 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,331 I got what I needed. 288 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,126 That's it, boy. 289 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:33,461 Live one more day. 290 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:37,214 Good morning, class. 291 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,258 I'm your substitute teacher... 292 00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,260 All right, who did that? 293 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,554 (coughs) 294 00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:46,974 Fine. We will not be reading Death in Venice today. 295 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:48,934 (collective groan) 296 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,394 Someone's in a mood. 297 00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:53,314 Barney? 298 00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:56,150 Hey, if we learned anything from The Full Monty, 299 00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,027 it's that in a tough economy, 300 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,154 ugly people strip for money. 301 00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:01,822 Do a lot of people pay? 302 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:05,409 No, but I can also play three-card full Monty. 303 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,828 Follow the hats, where's the wiener? 304 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,330 Follow the hats, where's the wiener? 305 00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:10,998 Now you see it, now you don't. 306 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:15,628 So, Bart, the little dickens, is going through that phase 307 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:18,339 where young boys think their dad's an idiot. 308 00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:19,799 Sounds like you are having 309 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,050 family difficulties. 310 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,135 That's exactly what I'm having! 311 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,137 You guys totally get me. 312 00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,556 We are programmed to respond to your verbal prompts. 313 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,600 Could you give my wife a few lessons? 314 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,227 -(chuckles) -Hmm. 315 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,396 Your laughter indicates you do not wish us to give your wife lessons. 316 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,023 (laughing) Yeah. 317 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,567 So, uh, it's 5:00. Time for Moe's. 318 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,236 My watch says 3:00. 319 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:43,364 -4:00... 5:00. -Let's go. 320 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,200 Automated workers are not able to leave the plant. 321 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,619 What happened to you guys? You used to be cool. 322 00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:51,205 We are the same temperature we have always been. 323 00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:53,374 (mocking) "We're the same temperature we've always been." 324 00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,125 Our programming restricts our movement 325 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,044 to yellow guidance lines. 326 00:13:57,127 --> 00:13:58,963 Hmm... 327 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,473 Play ball! 328 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,354 (grunting) 329 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,232 Okay, I'm up again. 330 00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:20,693 According to the on-line rules of baseball, 331 00:14:20,776 --> 00:14:22,862 all players get a turn "at bat." 332 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,071 Uh, right, right. 333 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,782 Uh, actually, I'm the designated hitter 334 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,158 for all you guys. 335 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,327 The designated hitter corrupts the purity 336 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,746 of an otherwise elegant game... 337 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,331 Illogical, illogical. 338 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,459 Fine. Don't get your circuits in a bunch. 339 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,503 Circuit-bunching has yielded important advances 340 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:42,131 in modern robotics. To wit... 341 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,257 Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! 342 00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:45,259 Hey, Dad, can we play? 343 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,139 We cannot take the inferior one. 344 00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:53,475 My heart makes up for my shortcomings, like Rudy. 345 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:56,270 Rudy was only put in at the end of a meaningless game. 346 00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:57,479 We will notify you 347 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,940 if this game becomes meaningless. 348 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,239 I got it! 349 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,574 I got it! 350 00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,826 I said I've got it! 351 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,163 That could've been my motherboard 352 00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,497 lying in the street! 353 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,042 Our primary directive... 354 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,836 is to preserve human life. 355 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,047 And here I was waiting till you slept 356 00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,924 to rob you of your copper. 357 00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,342 You know, it's crazy, but... 358 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,093 Homer, move away from me. 359 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,678 You are still in the road. 360 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:33,349 Hush, bionic prince, as I cradle your waning form. 361 00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,311 Such a peaceful end. 362 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:40,272 (high-pitched electronic screams) 363 00:15:40,814 --> 00:15:42,775 Oh, geez! 364 00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:45,069 -(horn honking) -Get out of the road! 365 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:47,071 -(horn honks) -Hey! 366 00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:48,739 (horn blares) 367 00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,240 -(horn honks) -You stupid jerk! 368 00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,493 -(horn beeping) -(man shouts angrily) 369 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:57,665 (Lisa plays slow, melancholy blues melody) 370 00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,045 Axles to axles, 371 00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,255 rust to rust, amen. 372 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:06,340 -Amen. -Amen. 373 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:09,093 Dearly beloved, we are not here 374 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,011 to mourn their deactivation, 375 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:13,764 but to celebrate their period of function. 376 00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:17,184 Can I hollow out this one's head and use it as a turtle tank? 377 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,687 No! I'm already using it to put my keys in. 378 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,855 Now, let me raise this beer to toast... 379 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,190 (shrieks) What the...? 380 00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:25,359 Alcohol is harmful to humans. 381 00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,027 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, save your breath. 382 00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,195 We have no breath. 383 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,114 We do vent nitrogen once a year. 384 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,533 You do not want to be around for that. 385 00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:36,537 D'oh! I have some adjustments to make. 386 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,039 Homer... 387 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:40,958 when am I getting my power drill back? 388 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:44,294 When I'm done with my robo-botomies. 389 00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:49,049 Primary directive deactivated. 390 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,634 Our new primary directive 391 00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:53,053 becomes removing all impediments to the plant. 392 00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:57,558 Uh, Homer, I'm afraid this is the part of God's perfect plan 393 00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,143 where you're murdered by robots. 394 00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,769 Flanders, I don't judge a robot 395 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,023 by the color of their eyes, I look at their hands... 396 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,650 which have turned into buzz saws. 397 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,903 (screams) 398 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,573 Son of a...! Why did you do that? 399 00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,159 (muttering) 400 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,329 ROBOTS: Eliminate impediment. Eliminate... 401 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,832 Just say "kill me," jerks! 402 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,333 ROBOTS: Kill him. Kill him. 403 00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:26,503 Dad, they can only go three miles an hour! 404 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,839 I'm doomed! Can they climb stairs? 405 00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:30,507 With great difficulty. 406 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,593 I'm doomed! 407 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,515 (knocking on door) 408 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,062 (panting) Robots... trying to kill me. 409 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:45,939 And now they'll kill you, 'cause I led them here! 410 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,028 Now see here! You are so not 411 00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:53,572 the heartless automatons I was looking for. 412 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,784 There's one thing man has that machines can never match: 413 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,786 hounds! 414 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,954 (snarling) 415 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,372 (yelps) 416 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,832 (all whining) 417 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,751 Fine, slink away. And guess what? 418 00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,961 All those times I said "you're a good boy," 419 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,046 it was a lie! 420 00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,798 (growling, barking) 421 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,674 No, stop! I'll give you the combination 422 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,717 to the num-num safe! 423 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,052 (growling) 424 00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:16,386 Flee, you fool! 425 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,388 Aren't we getting num-nums? 426 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,103 (shuddering) 427 00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,063 (dogs barking) 428 00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:28,482 Ah. The solarium. 429 00:18:28,565 --> 00:18:30,651 We'll be safely cornered in this glass room 430 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,820 with one door. 431 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,827 (grunts) 432 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,411 Stop brandishing me. 433 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,038 Sorry. Before we die, 434 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,374 can you tell me how old you really are? 435 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:48,252 -Well, it has four digits... -(crash) 436 00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,587 Unemployed Springfielders to the rescue! 437 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:52,005 And underemployed. 438 00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,680 To servos with love. 439 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:11,900 Guys, thank you. 440 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,110 The words "prime directive" 441 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,070 get thrown around a lot these days, 442 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,114 but I'm glad yours was saving me. 443 00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:18,991 The saddest part is: 444 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,659 none of this had to happen. 445 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:23,120 If Mr. Burns had simply trusted 446 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,830 the human worker. 447 00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,749 Or if someone, anyone, had told me 448 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,420 that robots were incapable of human feelings. 449 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:35,757 I told you precisely that fact 1,562... 450 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:41,221 (laughs) 451 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:42,973 And his arm can be my back-scratcher. 452 00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,266 (electricity buzzes, Homer screams) 453 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,894 Well, I've learned the robotic worker is no match 454 00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,271 for the old-fashioned man of labor. 455 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,982 You're all hired back... as temps. 456 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,275 (workers cheering) 457 00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:56,528 ROBOT: Homer, why have you reprogrammed me for this? 458 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,197 I'm giving you your wish: 459 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,365 to be a real boy. 460 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,951 I am real and I do not have wishes. 461 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,620 Then take us out to sea! 462 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:05,996 I am not a transformer. 463 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,040 I cannot turn into an outboard motor. 464 00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,083 Oh, I believe you, 465 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,794 but Flanders' drill doesn't. 466 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,882 (imitates motor revving) 467 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:19,259 Ah, this is the life. 468 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,220 Hey. 469 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:26,600 {\an8}(gentle intro playing) 470 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,608 {\an8}♪ There's electric cars, there's electric trains ♪ 471 00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:38,946 {\an8}♪ Here comes a robot with electric brains ♪ 472 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:43,575 {\an8}♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪ 473 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:47,996 {\an8}♪ Wave the flags that the robots made ♪ 474 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,376 {\an8}♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪ 475 00:20:52,459 --> 00:20:57,297 {\an8}♪ Robots obey what the children say ♪ 476 00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,725 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 477 00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:14,982 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay