1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,214 -CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -(quacking) 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:09,592 (grunting) 3 00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:14,472 (angry grunt) 4 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,232 {\an8}NARRATOR: See that town? Goes by the name of Springfield. 5 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,609 {\an8}Birthplace of the brass knuckle, 6 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,611 {\an8}the Nigerian Prince scam, 7 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,197 {\an8}and putting a tomato on your grilled cheese sandwich. 8 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,908 {\an8}(humming) 9 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,453 {\an8}Our story begins not long ago... 10 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,832 {\an8}on what seemed like a typical day. 11 00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:43,293 {\an8}Ralphie, please. That's not for people, son. 12 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,170 {\an8}(barking) 13 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:48,173 {\an8}Aw, he's a dumb kid, but he's an above-average dog. 14 00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:49,674 {\an8}Roll over, son. 15 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,302 {\an8}Yay! Aw, nobody saw. 16 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,888 {\an8}NARRATOR: But little did they know, a change was coming. 17 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:57,474 {\an8}First, the creatures of the Earth sensed it, 18 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,476 {\an8}then the fish of the deep. 19 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,561 {\an8}Then the Mormons got a heads-up. 20 00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,398 {\an8}And then everybody else. 21 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:07,233 {\an8}Strange doin's, Mother. 22 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,694 {\an8}Horses are spooked, cows ain't milkin', 23 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,071 {\an8}and look what the chickens laid. 24 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,739 {\an8}WOMAN: Sparkle eggs?! 25 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,033 {\an8}-(wind whistles) -Storm's a-comin'. 26 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:18,828 {\an8}Ain't no storm, Pa. It's The Lady Gaga Express! 27 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,331 {\an8}(Lady Gaga's Poker Face plays) 28 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,085 {\an8}PISTONS: She's-a-star! She's-a-star! 29 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,586 {\an8}She's-a-star! She's-a-star! 30 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:33,009 {\an8}Presenting the Queen of the Hottieverse, 31 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:37,055 {\an8}appearing courtesy of Interscope Records, 32 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:40,600 {\an8}Lady Gaga! 33 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:42,185 {\an8}At ease. 34 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,783 {\an8}Conductor, you know the rules. Take off some clothes. 35 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,202 {\an8}Oh, uh, yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. 36 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,578 {\an8}Now, what's our status? 37 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,413 {\an8}We are about to pass through... 38 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,666 {\an8}-uh, Springfield. -Springfield? 39 00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,000 {\an8}What's their deal? 40 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,002 {\an8}Hm, let's see, quiet suburb... 41 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,338 {\an8}home of the Tomb of the Unknown Mascot... 42 00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:13,091 {\an8}has the lowest self-esteem of any place on the planet. 43 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,425 {\an8}Really? 44 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:18,179 {\an8}Aw... That's so sad. And as entertainers, 45 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,015 {\an8}it is our solemn duty to cheer them up for a little while. 46 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,017 {\an8}Gaga, it's my job to keep you away from 47 00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,352 {\an8}ugly bumps on the map like Springfield. 48 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:26,396 {\an8}Don't worry, we'll get you right on a plane. 49 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:28,940 {\an8}No! Don't you remember what happened at LaGuardia? 50 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,279 {\an8}Ready. 51 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,531 {\an8}Yeah, well, uh, you missed your flight. 52 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,992 {\an8}Then we'll party on the boarding ramp! 53 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:43,204 {\an8}(party music playing) 54 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,039 {\an8}Wait! I quit! 55 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:48,418 {\an8}We spend 90 minutes training 'em and off they go. 56 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:53,298 {\an8}I just can't ignore a billboard in pain. 57 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:55,425 {\an8}-We're stopping in Springfield! -But... 58 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,551 {\an8}No buts! 59 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,307 {\an8}NARRATOR: Well, Lady Gaga couldn't arrive 60 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,058 {\an8}soon enough for one Lisa Simpson. 61 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,102 {\an8}Now let's turn to the ever-unpopular 62 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,063 {\an8}"Popularity Awards," the awards voted by students, 63 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,148 {\an8}in judgment of their peers. 64 00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:13,276 {\an8}No way that can go wrong. First up, Campus Clown. 65 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:15,987 {\an8}(laughing) 66 00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:18,156 {\an8}Bart Simpson. 67 00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:22,410 {\an8}(Simpsons theme plays) 68 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:24,204 {\an8}That's my brother. (chuckles) 69 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,663 {\an8}Four years out of four. 70 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,207 {\an8}(camera shutter clicks) 71 00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,500 {\an8}Prank you! Prank you very much! 72 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,169 {\an8}(pops) 73 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,338 {\an8}-(growls) -(audience laughs) 74 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:34,672 {\an8}BART: Call back. 75 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,966 {\an8}I fail to see the honor in this. 76 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,052 {\an8}Aren't awards shows rather silly? 77 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:41,471 {\an8}What?! Without awards shows, how would I know what movie 78 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,933 {\an8}has the best beheading, or that Glee is a comedy? 79 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:48,478 And now the award for Least Popular Student. 80 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,980 -Lisa Simpson! -What? 81 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,274 Least Popular? 82 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,276 (sobbing) I gotta go. 83 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,111 You probably should accept it, Lisa. 84 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,529 They'll go easier on you if you do. 85 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,159 (sobbing) Um... 86 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,119 Thank you for noticing me. 87 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,704 (all laughing) 88 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,539 She actually accepted it! 89 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:11,125 You said they'd take it easy on me. 90 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,253 I know very little about children. 91 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,465 We've got to cheer up a whole town. 92 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:20,343 Where's the dress I wore when I met the Pope? 93 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:24,013 It's nice, but I saw Jennifer Lopez wearing it. 94 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,598 Burn it. Burn it now. 95 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,016 MAN: Help! Help! 96 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,727 I've been on here since Chicago! 97 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,271 I just want my life back! 98 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,356 -No negativity! -Oh, you're right. 99 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,442 I'm missing a terrible winter! 100 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,281 And that's how Berber carpet got its name according to some. 101 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,782 Lisa, how was your day? 102 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:45,243 Um, can I be excused from holding up 103 00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:46,786 my end of the conversation? 104 00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:48,121 What's wrong with her? 105 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:49,872 She just found out no one likes her. 106 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,374 (loud whisper) I thought she knew. 107 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,960 Hey, Lisa, maybe you'd feel a little better 108 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:57,755 if you read the Daily Fourth Gradian Message Board, huh? 109 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,967 Let's see. "Uncensored Jump-rope Chants." 110 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:05,305 Oh, there's a whole thread labeled "Lisa Simpson"! 111 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,848 (muttering) 112 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,641 -Wha...? -Ay carumba. 113 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,560 Somebody's actually on your side! 114 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:14,022 "Lisa doesn't judge other people. 115 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:17,400 Why should we judge her?" It's signed, "Truth Teller." 116 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:20,320 Whoever this "Truth Teller" is, I'm a fan. 117 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,990 It takes a lot of courage to post nice things anonymously. 118 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:26,826 You know, it seems like more than a coincidence 119 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:29,996 that Milhouse brought it to our attention. Hm? 120 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,749 (chuckles) Well, I certainly wish I was Truth Teller. 121 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,169 But if I was, you'd know, because I can't keep a secret. 122 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,671 I sleep under my bed every night 'cause I'm scared 123 00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:42,383 of the cars from Cars. If gasoline is their food, 124 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,177 then why do they have teeth?! 125 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:51,434 So, Lisa, I guess you're not as unpopular as we thought. 126 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:53,770 Yep. Message boards are never wrong. 127 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,814 Well, um, maybe we should skip rope together. 128 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,608 -Dutch? -BOTH: Double Dutch. 129 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,319 (gasps) Forgive a fool her tears. 130 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:02,904 Hey, Lis, some fifth graders are having 131 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,448 a make-your-own pizza party at Flesh-In-The-Pan Pizza, 132 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:06,699 and wanted me to invite you. 133 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,868 Fifth graders? Ooh-la-la! 134 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:11,287 They get to put their desks in a circle! 135 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,498 And read books where the parents are divorced. 136 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,291 That joint is jumpin'. 137 00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,378 So, when's the party? (gasps) 138 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:21,464 "Lisa rocks, and so does her rock collection." Huh? 139 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:24,300 (gasps) That's mine! 140 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,053 This notebook is full of things Truth Teller said. 141 00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,931 -Give that back! -This one says "post next Friday." 142 00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:32,558 (gasps) Oh, my God! 143 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,893 You're Truth Teller! 144 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,728 (kids gasp) 145 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,231 Lisa, what you did is like my mom 146 00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:40,608 sticking ten bucks in her own G-string. 147 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:41,943 Truth Teller? 148 00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,736 More like Lie Smeller! 149 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,988 (chanting) Lie Smeller! Lie Smeller! 150 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,907 Oh, great, it stuck! 151 00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,283 (sobbing) 152 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:57,333 ♪♪ 153 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,127 Take five. 154 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,753 (soda can tabs pop) 155 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:03,047 Hey, easy on the soda. 156 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,425 I don't want gassy demons like last night. 157 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,301 Jerry. 158 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,761 (moans) Wait a minute... 159 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,888 No! No, no! 160 00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:14,100 (moans) Brrr... Make it stop! 161 00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:15,435 Oh! 162 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,811 ♪ Oh... ♪ 163 00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:20,231 Someone in Springfield needs my help. 164 00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:21,566 Light up the after-bras. 165 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,866 That's it, I am off of this stuff. 166 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,243 Me, too, sweetheart. 167 00:07:32,326 --> 00:07:34,162 -Kids? -Yes, Mama. 168 00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,331 No exceptions! 169 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:47,258 Kent Brockman reporting live from the Springfield rail yards, 170 00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:49,469 where Lady Gaga's fabulous freighter 171 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,638 has bumped and grinded its way into town. 172 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,056 Suffice it to say, this is the most 173 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,767 culturally significant train to stop here since 174 00:07:56,851 --> 00:08:00,354 the McKinley funeral cortege paused to pick up casket ice. 175 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,944 Now, sweetie, don't make a big deal out of this. 176 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,822 I stopped reading after "Top Student." 177 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,033 Want to honk your jazz tube? 178 00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:14,535 Oh, what is the point? 179 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,829 I think this is the end of me. 180 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,873 All I had was my integrity. 181 00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,374 And now that's gone. 182 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:24,045 (sobbing) I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 183 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:27,548 I try not to cry till you're asleep. 184 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:30,510 -I appreciate that. -(groans) 185 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:33,513 (sobbing) Look, if I could just spend a few days 186 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,390 in my room without anyone trying to cheer me up, 187 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:38,976 I think I might have a chance to... 188 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,978 Hey, why don't we go see Lady Gaga? 189 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,813 That'll turn your frown upside down. 190 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:46,150 It's not a frown. It is a straight line of resignation. 191 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,402 Looks just the same upside down. 192 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,572 What are you talking about? Y-You're right! 193 00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:53,991 Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! 194 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:57,662 Dad, if you really want to help, please stop trying to help. 195 00:08:57,745 --> 00:09:00,456 I will, but you know me and my crazy number thing 196 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,750 where I always have to get to 17. 197 00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:05,670 Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! 198 00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:07,171 Voop! Voop! Voop! Whoops, I lost count. 199 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,632 Better start again. Voop! Voop! Voop! Voop! 200 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,092 (sighs) 201 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:17,098 CROWD: Gaga-oo-la-la. Gaga-ra-ma-ma. 202 00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,849 Come on, Lisa, come on. 203 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,310 I'm sorry, I don't really want to be here. 204 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,316 Claws up, Springfield! 205 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,403 Never forget, you're all my Little Monsters! 206 00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,697 Uh, actually, I'm half monster, half Armenian. 207 00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:34,156 Pick your poison. 208 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,950 And you should love yourself as much 209 00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:38,411 as I love you, because... 210 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,329 -Tell us in song. -♪ Because... ♪ 211 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,082 With theatricality. Come on, I woke up for this. 212 00:09:43,165 --> 00:09:45,084 ♪♪ 213 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:46,919 CROWD: Four! 214 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,838 Three! Two! 215 00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:50,256 Where are they going with this? 216 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,591 CROWD: One! 217 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:52,675 (gasps) 218 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,518 (sighs) 219 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,353 Ah! 220 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,688 ♪ When they're young ♪ 221 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:11,944 ♪ All little monsters learn that they are scary ♪ 222 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,865 ♪ Ugly, stupid, shunned by cupid ♪ 223 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:20,620 ♪ Overweight and hairy ♪ 224 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:26,959 ♪ But every monster needs to find that secret deep inside ♪ 225 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,463 ♪ That transforms Dr. Jekyll ♪ 226 00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:35,426 ♪ Into sexy Mr. Hyde ♪ 227 00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:44,018 ♪ All my monsters are beautiful ♪ 228 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,770 ♪ Disco Stu-tiful ♪ 229 00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:48,022 ♪ Square root-iful... ♪ 230 00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,565 ♪ Old coot-iful ♪ 231 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,525 I love you, Lady Zsa Zsa! 232 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:55,279 ♪ Monsters don't need implants or a bitchin' monster car ♪ 233 00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:59,950 ♪ Monsters only need to love the monsters that they are ♪ 234 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:02,828 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 235 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,580 ♪ Gaga, dada ♪ 236 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,041 ♪ Jawa, peace! ♪ 237 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,376 (crowd cheers) 238 00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,252 -Ew. -Whoo-hoo! Whoo! 239 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,253 Whoo! Whoo! (whistles) 240 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,880 BART: All right! 241 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,092 Lie Smeller! Lie Smeller! 242 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,511 (sobbing) 243 00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:20,596 Does everybody love themselves? 244 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,973 (crowd cheers) 245 00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,935 That kind of thing sounds hollow from anyone but you! 246 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,356 Now, we have to get going. 247 00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,775 Wait a minute. No. 248 00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,485 No, no! (moans) 249 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,195 (sings powerful melody) 250 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,867 GAGA: You! 251 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,202 What's wrong, honey? 252 00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:46,956 Please, I've had enough attention for one day! 253 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,793 Yo, lighting! I can't see the girl who's had enough attention. 254 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,715 We should go to your house and talk. 255 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,466 Incognito! 256 00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:58,926 Oh, God. 257 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,972 Psst! It's me, Gaga. 258 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,640 But no one must know. 259 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,642 HOODIE VOICE CHIP: Gaga. Gaga. Gaga. 260 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:11,397 So peaceful. Just the buzzing of the paparazzi. 261 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,232 (cameras snapping) 262 00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:14,984 Hey, Gary. How's your wife and kids? 263 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,403 Still ashamed of me. Big smile! 264 00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,155 This is where I live. 265 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,240 Well, hello. 266 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,701 It's one of those music industry superstars 267 00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:26,078 who's turning our innocent children into ladies of the night. 268 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,247 What sweater drawer did you crawl out of? 269 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:31,083 (chuckles) Name's Ned Flanders. I've heard of you. 270 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,253 Haven't seen so much skin since shedding season on a snake farm. 271 00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,922 But all I'm saying is that everyone is beautiful... 272 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,550 Yes, but Jesus said that... 273 00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,177 pretty much the same thing. 274 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,512 Darn it, the Bible said the Devil would be attractive. 275 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,639 What makes you think I'm the Devil? 276 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:51,353 Unless you're gonna slap some wieners on those, turn 'em off. 277 00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,273 Joke's on you; I needed a trim. 278 00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,446 (Gaga groaning) 279 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,158 Bastards! 280 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,577 Lisa, look at me. 281 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:09,747 So what if your number one supporter is you. 282 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,499 That's how it should be. 283 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:13,584 I had some very tough times myself 284 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,420 before I became a superstar at age 22. 285 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,548 Everything is gonna be fine. You better yet? 286 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,802 -(phone chimes) -Sorry, gotta answer this text. 287 00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:24,345 Please, take your time. 288 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,515 You know what you need? 289 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,100 -Solitude? -Flash mob! 290 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:36,524 Now, Lisa, if that didn't fundamentally change 291 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,651 who you are, I don't know what. 292 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,701 You idiots! She meant we should disperse. 293 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:54,083 Lisa, you un-tattooed little miracle, 294 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:58,254 I'm not leaving here until I restore your sense of hope. 295 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:02,508 Let me explain. I have a chance for a grim but tolerable life, 296 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,218 but only if I give up hope. 297 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:07,596 Now if you don't mind, and with all due worship, 298 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,265 I would like to be alone. 299 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:13,102 Lady Gaga, meet your biggest threat: Baby Googoo. 300 00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:16,981 Can I please be alone? 301 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,494 Well, it worked once. 302 00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,753 -So, any ideas about Lisa? -(sighs) 303 00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,882 I never have any idea what to do for Lisa. 304 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,718 To be the mother of someone who's so smart 305 00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:49,763 and so sensitive and who beautifully plays an instrument 306 00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,391 (whispers) I don't really care for, 307 00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,810 (sobbing) it's so hard. 308 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:57,313 I wish I was one of those 309 00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,481 young women who could just wave their hands 310 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,483 in front of their eyes and not cry, 311 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,736 because it doesn't work for me. 312 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:04,987 -(yells) -Marge... 313 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,322 -(yells) -Ah... 314 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,073 -Ooh! Aah! Ooh! -Marge. Marge. 315 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,074 -Marge. -Hm... 316 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,201 -Marge, take it easy. -(groans) 317 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,828 It's just human contact. 318 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,457 I'm afraid handholding isn't going to cheer me up. 319 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,709 Well, maybe this will. 320 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,339 Homer! 321 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:24,840 Wow. Wow. 322 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,510 This is like the night Hillary won the New Hampshire Primary. 323 00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:33,098 Lisa snuck out. 324 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,725 I'm going after her. (Homer grunting) 325 00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:37,519 -What are you gonna say? -HOMER: Whoo! Mm. 326 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,688 I'll just tell her that... 327 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:40,856 Stop it, Homer! 328 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,609 Some of that meat is me. Can I just trim the hem? 329 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,361 (groans) It's yours. 330 00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:51,200 Oh, good. She's playing. 331 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,370 Not so good. It's "Lisa Roulette." 332 00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,372 (kids shouting) Don't let her get you! 333 00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:59,959 Her eyes shoot loser lasers! 334 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,710 (feigns gasping) 335 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:05,965 (chanting) There is no over-the-top. 336 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,591 There is no over-the-top. 337 00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:08,884 Run! 338 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:13,263 With an egg that big, there's gotta be an even bigger chicken! 339 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,850 Lisa? 340 00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:19,687 Lisa, listen to me. 341 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:22,898 This pity party's being shut down by the smile police. 342 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,692 Here's what you're gonna do. 343 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:26,735 Why do you keep telling me what I'm gonna do? 344 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,529 This isn't about me. 345 00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:31,198 -Well, who else would it be about? -You! 346 00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:34,743 It's about "Hello, hello, Springfield." 347 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,620 "It's me, Gaga!" 348 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,790 "Why is everyone looking at my purple hair 349 00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,542 full of bluebirds?" 350 00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,295 -Well, I denounce thee! -Wha...? 351 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:48,590 I denounce thee for giving people ambitions they cannot fulfill. 352 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,426 And I denounce thee for positing a world 353 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,887 where social acceptance and walking on heels are easy! 354 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,473 Please, may we kill the kid? 355 00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:58,767 I denounce thee! I denounce thee! 356 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,269 I denounce thee! 357 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:02,938 Whoa, easy, little monster. 358 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,441 Don't "monster" me. 359 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:06,358 (all gasp) 360 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,736 Whatever you say. 361 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,112 (sobbing) 362 00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:14,616 Are you crying... glitter? 363 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,076 Tiny diamonds. (sobs) 364 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,953 Hurts like hell. 365 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,582 (chanting) Gaga, Gaga, Gaga, Gaga... 366 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:29,006 HOMER: Okay Lisa, coming up to make things better! 367 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,967 (grunting) Okay, I'm almost there. 368 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,969 Upward, ever upward. 369 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,846 (panting) Stay hydrated... 370 00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:38,015 Oh, I'm on the wrong tree! 371 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,142 (grunts) Okay, try again. 372 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,852 Here we go. Up again. 373 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,980 (grunting and panting) Oh... Lisa, can you come down? 374 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,610 Sweetie, I've been thinking. 375 00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:52,112 Now, this all started because you used a fake name 376 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,364 to defend yourself. 377 00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:57,117 The problem's not that you were cheating. 378 00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,412 It's that you got caught. 379 00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:05,000 I cheat on my diet, but nobody knows 380 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,377 'cause the damage is on the inside, 381 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:10,047 and the first warning sign is sudden death. 382 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:11,882 So, honey, what do you say? 383 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,884 Dad, thank you! 384 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,303 Like always, the fact that I could tune you out 385 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,514 without fearing I'd miss out on something 386 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,974 gave me the time to take stock and realize 387 00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,893 how ungrateful I have been. 388 00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:25,938 Which means, I've got a train to catch. 389 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,273 (chuckling) Parenting. 390 00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:32,402 It's the one job you know you're always doing right. 391 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:36,323 So long, Springfield. You are my Waterloo. 392 00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:38,075 (crowd cheers) 393 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:41,745 And now I'm just going to lie in bed and eat Fruit Roll-Ups. 394 00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:44,414 Why is she doing in defeat what I do in victory? 395 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:45,833 (whistle blowing) 396 00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,335 (chugging) 397 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,254 Gaga! 398 00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,255 Lisa? 399 00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:52,589 Why are you here? 400 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,842 -To thank you. -For what? 401 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,718 Look at me! You did help me 402 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,263 by allowing me to inappropriately focus 403 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:02,099 eight years of rage and rejection on you. 404 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:04,268 It was like a great sneeze. 405 00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,353 And now I can say what's good about me. 406 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,730 And I can say it as Lisa Simpson! 407 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,858 -(gently) Just not that loud. -Go ahead. 408 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,861 Well, I am smart, nice, tolerant, funny 409 00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:16,196 but not "mean funny," and I never forget a birthday, 410 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,906 even for kids who move away. 411 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,700 Now, Lisa, there's only one last thing 412 00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:21,827 you have to do to be a Little Monster. 413 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,163 I'll do anything but sing. 414 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,166 You are gonna sing! 415 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:28,458 ♪♪ 416 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,799 ♪ I used to think that I was stupid ♪ 417 00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:37,676 ♪ Worthless, weak and wrong ♪ 418 00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:41,013 ♪ A mockingbird without a song ♪ 419 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:44,933 ♪ I was small inside and lacking pride ♪ 420 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,853 ♪ On a one-way train to be Milhouse's bride ♪ 421 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:50,939 End the song! End it right here! 422 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,108 ♪ I love NPR and Jazz guitar ♪ 423 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,027 ♪ Someday I'll design a solar car ♪ 424 00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:58,572 ♪ That's right, I'm Lisa Simpson, superstar! ♪ 425 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:01,200 ♪ You've got a great big heart ♪ 426 00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,703 ♪ It's at the top of my chart ♪ 427 00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:08,582 BOTH: ♪ Lisa Simpson, Lisa Simpson ♪ 428 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:11,501 ♪ Lisa Simpson Superstar ♪ 429 00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:16,298 ♪ Lisa Simpson, Lisa Simpson ♪ 430 00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,051 ♪ Lisa Simpson Superstar ♪ 431 00:20:19,134 --> 00:20:21,637 ♪ You're a superstar ♪ 432 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,139 Wait, wait! Wait...! 433 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,474 (brakes screeching) 434 00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:26,892 (crowd gasps) 435 00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,727 Can you help me with my self-esteem? 436 00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:29,895 I'm not that good. 437 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,063 Right, gotcha. 438 00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:32,231 (train horn blades) 439 00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:36,485 LISA: And the best thing is, (giggles) 440 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:39,863 even if they weren't waving, it would be okay. 441 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,907 NARRATOR: I bet a lot of folks are wondering, 442 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,158 did this story really happen? 443 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,868 Well, it did. 444 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,496 And I know because I was one of Gaga's dancers. 445 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,873 The one with the spangliest crotch. 446 00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,042 (yelling) 447 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:54,002 Higher! 448 00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,255 (laughing) 449 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,804 {\an8}HOMER: ♪ I love my Homer face ♪ 450 00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,389 {\an8}♪ Yeah, that's what I said ♪ 451 00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:08,892 {\an8}♪ Right where it should be on the front of my head ♪ 452 00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:12,896 {\an8}♪ Stubble, muzzle, overbite, two eyes that really bug ♪ 453 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:17,484 {\an8}♪ These are the components of my Homer-riffic mug ♪ 454 00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:21,488 {\an8}♪ D'oh, oh, d'oh, oh ♪ 455 00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:25,659 {\an8}♪ I shave it close, trim hairs from my nose ♪ 456 00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:30,163 {\an8}♪ D'oh, oh, d'oh, oh ♪ 457 00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:34,167 {\an8}♪ I clean my ears, 'cause that's how I hears ♪ 458 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:36,420 {\an8}♪ I like my, I like my ♪ 459 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,548 {\an8}♪ I really like my Homer face ♪ 460 00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:43,635 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 461 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:49,975 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay