1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:03,378
(screeches, whistles)
2
00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,883
(shouting gibberish)
3
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,722
According to our Mayan calendar,
4
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:15,515
the world will be destroyed
5
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,892
at the end of the 13th baktun.
6
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:21,980
Unless we appease the gods'
anger with a human sacrifice.
7
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:25,025
Don't worry. We got a guy here
we really been fattening up.
8
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,317
Is it you?
9
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:27,902
Not me. That guy.
10
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,696
More cricket fajitas!
11
00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,906
Oh, my brave, brave glutton.
12
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:35,869
I'll be so lonely when they
sacrifice you to the gods.
13
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:38,121
What?!
14
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,081
No one said anything about a sacrifice!
15
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:43,376
Although I... I did kind of
space out during orientation.
16
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,211
All right already, let's get this done
17
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,714
while our doomed civilization
is still flourishing here.
18
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,716
Oh. Any words of comfort?
19
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:51,926
Oh, yeah, sure.
Even though you know it's coming,
20
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,720
when you see your own beating heart,
21
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:55,096
try to act surprised, huh?
22
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,556
It's some kid's first time.
23
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:59,059
Fear not, my beloved blood offering.
24
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,894
(quietly) I have a plan.
25
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,937
Tell me, High Priest,
26
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,148
are you interested in women?
27
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,483
What priest isn't?
28
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,026
Before we make love,
29
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,403
would you mind
putting a sack over your head?
30
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,739
Is there any other way?
(chuckles)
31
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,240
Nice and tight.
32
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,743
-Now enter the Room of Pleasure.
-Ooh.
33
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,620
And I shall join you shortly.
34
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:23,083
Now, uh, I got to warn you.
I'm into rough stuff.
35
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,502
Ooh, that's a good start,
but, you know, make it hurt.
36
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,378
-(sword whooshes)
-Heh. Ooh!
37
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:30,173
That whooshing sound
is really turning me...
38
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,258
Oh!
39
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:34,260
Uh. Oh, yeah. Ah.
40
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,137
(grunting)
41
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,098
(groans)
42
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,100
(kids laughing)
43
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,519
Man, soccer's even boring for the ball.
44
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,145
Quetzal H. Coatl!
45
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,688
We sacrificed the wrong person!
46
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:49,275
Now the earth will be destroyed
after the 13th baktun.
47
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:52,195
Could you explain
that in simple Ancient Mayan?!
48
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:54,614
Of course.
There's no need to shout and scream.
49
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:57,492
Let's see, uh, converting to base 10,
50
00:01:57,575 --> 00:02:00,036
assuming for the birth of Jesus,
51
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,123
invent and then carry the leap year,
52
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:06,793
and the world will end in 2012!
53
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,294
(relieved sighs)
54
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,672
And it will be Obama's fault!
55
00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:14,634
(dramatic theme plays)
56
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,096
Hey, uh, Marge, I'm setting my watch.
57
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,514
What baktun is it?
58
00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,141
-13th!
-Oh!
59
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,934
(doorbell rings)
60
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:26,563
Oh! What have we here?
61
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,023
Ow!
62
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,034
What the hell?
63
00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:04,184
(Homer screaming and crying)
64
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:07,353
Ow! Ow!
65
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,818
{\an8}(letters thudding softly)
66
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,612
{\an8}(yelling)
67
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:20,992
{\an8}Welcome to the grand
opening of our whatchamacallit,
68
00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:24,037
{\an8}which, thanks to the lobbying
of Lisa Simpson,
69
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,331
{\an8}we built instead
of a new baseball stadium.
70
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,291
{\an8}At least the pennant works both ways.
71
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:32,212
{\an8}Professor Frink will now throw
a switch, which will either
72
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:35,840
{\an8}answer certain obscure
questions of subatomic physics
73
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,301
{\an8}or destroy the universe.
74
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:40,428
{\an8}(electrical humming)
75
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,765
{\an8}(man coughs)
76
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:48,519
{\an8}Oh, my God particle!
77
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,104
{\an8}What is it, Professor?
78
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,815
{\an8}You can tell your
grandchildren you were here
79
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,944
{\an8}when humanity finally learned
that this accelerator
80
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,029
{\an8}is much too small
to tell us anything important.
81
00:03:58,112 --> 00:03:59,364
{\an8}(crowd groans)
82
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,115
{\an8}Thanks a lot, Liser!
83
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,952
{\an8}That money could've been used for a war!
84
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:07,872
{\an8}(whirring)
85
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:12,085
{\an8}(whirring growing more high-pitched)
86
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:13,753
{\an8}(crashing)
87
00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:19,884
{\an8}(crackling)
88
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:23,012
{\an8}(slurping)
89
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,681
{\an8}(snores)
90
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:25,890
{\an8}(gasping)
91
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,268
{\an8}Aah! No one takes Willie's mop!
92
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,560
{\an8}(gasping)
93
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:31,312
{\an8}Take the mop! Take the mop!
94
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,232
{\an8}(sobbing)
95
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:35,441
{\an8}Huh?
96
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:36,651
{\an8}(slurping)
97
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:38,736
{\an8}(gasps) A mini black hole!
98
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,154
{\an8}(slurps)
99
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,490
{\an8}Whee...!
100
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,993
{\an8}Oh, no! I got to take it away
101
00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:46,577
{\an8}before more clueless kids fall into it.
102
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,414
{\an8}Geronimo! Wha...!
103
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,299
{\an8}(whooshing)
104
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,968
{\an8}-I's rich!
-(slurping)
105
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:04,178
{\an8}I's poor and shack-less.
106
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,681
{\an8}(slurping, objects clattering)
107
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,766
{\an8}(grunting)
108
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,352
{\an8}Lisa, do you have a stray dog down there?
109
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,272
{\an8}Um, it's a lot worse than a stray dog.
110
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:15,690
{\an8}Two stray dogs?!
111
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,358
{\an8}It's a black hole!
112
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,027
{\an8}That was gonna be my next guess.
113
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,863
{\an8}Are you sure your next guess
wasn't three stray dogs?
114
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,156
{\an8}Maybe.
115
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:28,286
{\an8}A black hole?!
I'm sorry, can we call it that?
116
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,121
{\an8}Yes. It's the preferred term.
117
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:32,957
{\an8}And most scientists believe
that what enters a black hole
118
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,125
{\an8}never comes out.
119
00:05:34,208 --> 00:05:37,879
{\an8}But some think they may be
a gateway to other universes.
120
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:39,714
{\an8}Hey! Could it open a pretzel bag for me?
121
00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,175
{\an8}Help a brother out, B.H. Whoo-hoo!
122
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,052
{\an8}D'oh!
123
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,474
{\an8}Guys! Stop throwing things in the hole!
124
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:52,977
{\an8}The more you throw in, the bigger
and more dangerous it becomes!
125
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,439
{\an8}Come on. You can't look at that
infinitely dense little guy
126
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,608
{\an8}and not want to feed it something.
127
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,109
{\an8}Dad, don't pat it!
128
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,403
{\an8}-Why shouldn't... (screams)
-(chuckles)
129
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:05,031
{\an8}Why you little... (grunting)
130
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:08,076
{\an8}(gasps) I'm nature's perfect
choking machine!
131
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,161
{\an8}Okay, that's it!
132
00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:12,789
{\an8}I'm putting a baby gate
across the black hole.
133
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,792
{\an8}And don't throw anything more into it!
134
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,960
{\an8}(groans) Yes, Homer?
135
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,462
{\an8}Dad, that's creepy.
136
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,005
{\an8}Sorry.
137
00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:25,051
{\an8}("Gone Gone Gone" plays)
138
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,471
{\an8}I know we shouldn't feed this,
139
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,473
{\an8}but grease brings raccoons.
140
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:32,809
♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪
141
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,186
♪ Really gone ♪
142
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:37,897
♪ Gone, gone, gone ♪
143
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:39,690
♪ 'Cause you done me wrong ♪
144
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,152
♪ Done me wrong... ♪
145
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,780
♪ Ah, ah... ♪
146
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,157
Huh? Oh-oh!
147
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:51,411
(slurping)
148
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,745
(clattering)
149
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,840
Quit bageling my English muffins!
150
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,092
The black hole is looking a lot bigger.
151
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,511
Does anybody want to admit
to throwing things in?
152
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:09,846
-No.
-Not me.
153
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,180
Do we even still have that thing?
154
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,267
And I have to ask,
has anyone seen the cat?
155
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,645
(whimpers)
156
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,147
(excited chattering outside)
157
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:20,481
Now what?
158
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:28,030
Okay, it's possible someone may have
started a business
159
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,616
called Magic Craphole Waste Removal,
160
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,785
-but it wasn't me.
-Ew!
161
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,370
(Homer chuckling)
162
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,541
(deep rumbling, whooshing)
163
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,425
-(pops)
-Yar!
164
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,676
Yar, arr.
165
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:52,930
Stop! This is a black hole,
not a lawn-and-leaf bag!
166
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:56,642
If one more thing gets in there,
it could reach critical mass.
167
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,691
I did it! I hit my first home run!
168
00:08:03,774 --> 00:08:04,859
LISA: No...!
169
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,027
(people screaming)
170
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,778
I'm still proud of you, buddy.
171
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:11,240
And look! I got money
to take you for pizza!
172
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,409
You saw that I had the money, right?
173
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,080
(grunting)
174
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,085
(gunshot)
175
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:24,504
(chuckling)
176
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,880
(yelling)
177
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,218
(grunting)
178
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,970
(screaming)
179
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,726
(suckling)
180
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,604
(debris clattering)
181
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,315
(suckling)
182
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,527
(all yelling)
183
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:49,904
(gasping)
184
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,489
(grunting)
185
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,824
Welcome, trans-dimensional visitors.
186
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:58,287
We have received
your many gifts with gratitude.
187
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,081
NELSON: Haw-haw!
188
00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:03,584
We have built our society around
the treasures you have sent.
189
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,711
Our most popular magazine is
190
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:08,256
your Presidents' Day
Mattress Blowout insert.
191
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:12,218
Our favorite food is your banana peel.
192
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,761
(slurps)
193
00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:15,680
And we listen to all our music
194
00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:18,349
on the most wonderful device
ever created,
195
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,059
the Zune.
196
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:22,687
(chanting) Zune, Zune, Zune.
197
00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:25,356
Treasures? Gifts?
You've got it all wrong.
198
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:26,899
That stuff is just our old...
199
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,777
-Wonderful stuff. Enjoy it.
-ALIENS: Zune.
200
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:36,867
(dramatic theme plays)
201
00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:41,163
{\an8}Day 1: We bought this camera
because strange things
202
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,791
{\an8}have been going on at our house
in the dead of night.
203
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:51,132
And if anyone finds this footage
after we're all missing or dead,
204
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,259
remember me as a hero.
205
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,845
Dad, you forgot to pick me up
after Little League.
206
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,389
You tossed your car keys in my bean plant.
207
00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:59,890
A hero!
208
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:03,060
-FLANDERS: Homer, is that my camera?
-Hero, away!
209
00:10:04,061 --> 00:10:05,813
{\an8}Night 1.
210
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,192
Want to snuggle? (smooching)
211
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,696
-Not with the camera on.
-Uh, I turned it off.
212
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,448
Looks like the red light's on.
213
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:18,159
I swear I am not filming!
214
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:21,412
(whispering loudly)
Note to self-- edit out my lies.
215
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:22,455
Oh!
216
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,170
(tape fast-forwarding)
217
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,755
(door creaks)
218
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,343
(door creaks)
219
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:40,473
(loud thumping)
220
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,644
(tape fast-forwarding)
221
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,314
-(loud thud downstairs)
-(whimpering)
222
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:49,565
(both yelp)
223
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,359
Wait!
Don't kill the monster without me!
224
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,319
(Marge screams)
225
00:10:53,402 --> 00:10:55,738
HOMER: I'm right behind you,
honey! We have stairs?
226
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,615
Ow! D'oh! Aah! D'oh!
227
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:58,949
(continues grunting)
228
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,743
What the...? Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!
229
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,995
(continues grunting)
230
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,374
(flames crackling)
231
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:08,125
HOMER: What the...?
232
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,252
(gasping breaths)
233
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,588
Why is this happening to us?!
234
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,549
I don't know, I don't know!
I'm sure I don't know!
235
00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,259
HOMER: Oh, sweetie.
236
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,429
Sometimes a mysterious,
invisible being from Hell
237
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,432
waits for a family to go to sleep,
then kills them.
238
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,809
-Now, go to bed.
-But...
239
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,852
{\an8}Uh-uh. School night.
240
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,021
{\an8}Now, you're sure I bought enough cameras
241
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,357
{\an8}and extended warranties
to catch that ghost?
242
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,110
{\an8}Sir, whatever happens in this house,
these cameras will pick it up.
243
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,861
Ooh, I can't wait for tonight's massacre.
244
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,502
(tape fast-forwarding)
245
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,340
-Hey, Marge.
-Mmm...
246
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,551
Oh. Like what you see, huh?
247
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,177
Mmm...
248
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:02,388
I like it when you don't say words.
249
00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,181
-Come here, you.
-Mmm...
250
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,851
-(chuckles)
-Mmm...
251
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:10,020
{\an8}(singing a melody)
252
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,272
{\an8}(tape fast-forwarding)
253
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:14,942
{\an8}(continues singing melody)
254
00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:23,659
{\an8}(tape fast-forwarding)
255
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,953
{\an8}(continues singing melody)
256
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:30,040
Eh, eh.
257
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,042
Yeah, that's hellfire, all right.
258
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,628
Someone in this family
has made a deal with the devil,
259
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,797
and now the devil wants his due.
260
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:39,258
Now, remember, this creature
feeds on your fear...
261
00:12:39,341 --> 00:12:41,510
-(cuckoo clock chimes)
-What the hell was that?!
262
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,429
(sobbing loudly)
263
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:46,724
Actually,
he feeds on more than just fear.
264
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,228
{\an8}(door creaks)
265
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,272
{\an8}(wind whistling)
266
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,199
Give back my baby!
267
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,034
DEMON: We had a deal!
268
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:06,952
Mom, what's going on?!
269
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,788
DEMON: Don't act so surprised, Marge.
270
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,331
You knew this day was coming!
271
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:12,041
Let's see what we're dealing with here.
272
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,417
(grunts)
273
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:15,127
It's Moe with wings!
274
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,004
Moe Szyslak?
275
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:19,590
Come on, he's much more
hideous and evil than me!
276
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,091
(all agreeing)
277
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,261
(crying)
I brought this on us all.
278
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,847
It began when I was a girl...
279
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,561
(deep grunting)
280
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,188
BOTH: Hail Satan.
281
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,607
-What are you doing?
-Trying to summon the devil.
282
00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:38,275
-Why?
-Nothing good on TV.
283
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:39,860
We have no boyfriends.
284
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,695
-We're bored.
-Something to do.
285
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,990
Hail Satan, the Minister of Sinister,
286
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,076
Rude Dude with a Bad 'Tude.
287
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:50,996
(grunting, choking)
288
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,915
(gasps) Save us, Marge.
289
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:55,292
We'll never make fun
of any man you date or marry.
290
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,419
-Mmm. Uh, Mr. Demon?
-Mmm?
291
00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:00,047
Could you... come back
for my sisters later?
292
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,423
(Selma and Patty grunting)
293
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,676
Very well. You have 30 years.
294
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:05,511
But when I return, Marge,
295
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,888
I shall take your favorite child.
296
00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,849
I thought I was the favorite!
297
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,435
Not the favorite! Not the favorite!
298
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,438
Listen, pal,
you seem like an honest guy.
299
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,066
Is there any other deal
that you can accept?
300
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:21,610
Three-way.
301
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,737
Hmm. You, me and Marge?
302
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,614
Mmm, demon, demon, you.
303
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,326
(heavy sigh) I guess it's one of those
things a dad has to do.
304
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:32,037
Now, before we start,
what's the safe word?
305
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,163
Cinnamon.
306
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,665
Ooh, I like that.
307
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:37,459
Now, I'd like to try something
new, if you don't mind.
308
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,129
DEMON: Cinnamon. Cinnamon.
Cinnamon! Cinnamon!
309
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,430
You know, it's really not fair.
310
00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:52,850
You're charging 200 bucks for a comic
that says 25 cents on the cover.
311
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,352
The only way to buy that
comic book for 25 cents
312
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,438
is to go back to 1974.
313
00:14:57,521 --> 00:15:00,274
That's impossible! Mmm?
314
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,359
(quietly) Or is it?
315
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,073
(zapping)
316
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,911
Wow, it worked!
317
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,287
My time machine has worked!
318
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:16,624
This is the most fantastically
powerful invention
319
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,500
in mankind's history!
320
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,378
Here, kid, hold my keys
while I grab some lunch.
321
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,714
(humming)
322
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,136
(whirring)
323
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:30,971
(zapping)
324
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,057
♪♪
325
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,860
1974!
326
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,862
I won't be needing this!
327
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,657
(zapping)
328
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,664
Now to get my comic book
and explore a world
329
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:58,791
where no one's mad at George Lucas.
330
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,960
(humming happily)
331
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,462
Eh, pretty good. A little preachy.
332
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:06,215
MAN: Well, well, well,
if it isn't Homer Simpson
333
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,467
-and Barney Gumble.
-Hmm?
334
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,052
Allow me, gentlemen.
335
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,305
It's Homer!
Before his boobs came in!
336
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,770
(Homer whistling)
337
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:21,397
-Hey, Homer.
-Who are you?
338
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,650
I'm your unwanted son from the future
who killed all your fun!
339
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,486
Why, you little... (grunting)
340
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:30,614
Excuse me. Is this room 106?
341
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:34,368
(instrumental version
of "Close to You" playing)
342
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,203
(choking)
343
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:37,955
Let go of him!
344
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,290
What kind of jerk
strangles a little boy?!
345
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,042
Would you go to the prom with me?
346
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,003
Promenade? With you?
347
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,046
Forget it, bub! (grunts)
348
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:50,551
It was love at first sight,
and you ruined it!
349
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,636
It was not love at first sight!
350
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,556
-What do you know?
-I know who I'm in love with!
351
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,307
-You're looking at him.
-You're an idiot.
352
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,143
-You're the idiot!
-(gasps)
353
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:01,812
Don't act like I'm the first person
that ever said that.
354
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:04,314
You are the first person
who ever said that!
355
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,025
Shut up and go to the prom with me!
356
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,901
Ay, caramba! If you guys
don't get together,
357
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,988
what does that mean for me in the future?
358
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:14,783
(gasps) I don't exist?!
359
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:19,288
Or my life might be
a hell of a lot better!
360
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,291
Ma'am, whatever you do,
do not marry that ape.
361
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:25,127
Mmm.
362
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,297
Whatever you say, little boy.
363
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,632
-(laughing)
-(growling) Come here!
364
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,803
Now, to return to a future
where I'm either rich
365
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,805
or allowed to stand in front
of a rich guy's house.
366
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,807
Either way, better than now.
367
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,810
(whirring)
368
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:42,895
(tires screeching, zapping)
369
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,149
(Bart laughing)
370
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,777
Stupid kid steals my future.
371
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,111
Well, I'm going to...
372
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:53,322
(gasps)
Ice cream with cookie dough?!
373
00:17:54,656 --> 00:17:57,076
Unnecessarily big TVs!
374
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,495
Thursday Night Football?
375
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,331
And the globe feels so warm!
376
00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:05,125
I am in awe of the future.
377
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:08,670
(Wiggum snoring, muttering)
378
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,422
Okay, that's not so great.
379
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,844
Here's your smoothie, sweetheart.
380
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:19,848
Why would I suck smoothie
when I can suck face with you,
381
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,683
Mrs. Artie Ziff?
382
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:25,187
(both moaning)
383
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,397
My dad is Artie Ziff?
384
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,858
Indeed! Which makes you
385
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,193
Barty Ziff.
386
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,738
Oy, caramba!
387
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:36,949
Achem!
388
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,951
Good morning, beloved son.
389
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,161
Enjoy your luxurious life,
390
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,497
including your own bully butler.
391
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,958
Will that be haw-haw, sir?
392
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,376
Give yourself a wedgie.
393
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,254
Excellent choice. (grunts)
394
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,965
I've met some jive turkeys in the '70s,
395
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,633
but that turkey's the jivest.
396
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:56,802
Hey, you! This is my peeping tree.
397
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,096
Young me?
What brings you to the present?
398
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:01,723
I traveled through space and time
to make Marge settle for me
399
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,267
because she doesn't know better.
400
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,394
Well, if we put our heads together,
401
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,271
we could think of a plan!
402
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,233
I got to ask, what happened?
403
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:14,069
Was I in a forest fire or something?
404
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,946
No!
405
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,990
-(whip cracking)
-I love my life, I love it not.
406
00:19:18,073 --> 00:19:19,575
I love my life, I love it not.
407
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,119
You're just like Indiana Jones, son.
408
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,872
A role played by Richard Dreyfuss
in our universe.
409
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,081
(doorbell rings)
410
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,084
I'm here to take my life back!
411
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,336
I thought this might happen,
412
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:35,090
so I mastered Brazilian jujitsu.
413
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,759
Crawl atop me, and meet your doom!
414
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:39,511
Not so fast.
415
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,638
Say hello to the United Federation
416
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:43,515
of Homers Through History.
417
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,353
(Italian accent) Crush them...
418
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,731
in the name of Jebus!
419
00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:58,655
Okay, guys, let's regroup.
420
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:01,408
We'll come back with more Homers
and start fresh in the morning.
421
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,827
(yelps)
422
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,915
("Close to You" plays)
423
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:13,503
Oh, what's she doing here?
424
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:14,922
I'll tell you what I'm doing.
425
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,717
I'm realizing that
I married the wrong man.
426
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,930
Oh, you poor, sweet, simple Homers.
427
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,474
I was supposed to be with all of you!
428
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:28,393
(grunting gibberish)
429
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,312
Even you, Caveman Homer.
430
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,772
That's Renaissance Homer.
431
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:33,565
Well, cardinal or cannibal,
432
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:37,319
I wish that 20 years ago,
I had chosen love.
433
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,654
Mmm...
434
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:41,949
Let me get this straight.
435
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:45,035
None of you had time
to take out the garbage?
436
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,037
Make Egyptian Slave Homer do it.
437
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,414
It's always me.
438
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,583
(all laughing)
439
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,209
(Homer screams)
440
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:40,007
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay