﻿1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:06,256
<i>-CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>
-(breathing heavily)

2
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,053
(exclaiming)

3
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(school bell ringing)

4
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(Barney belches)

5
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(whistle blows)

6
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(yells)

7
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(beeping)

8
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(playing the blues)

9
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(tires screeching)

10
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D'oh!

11
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(tires screeching)

12
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(grunts)

13
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(chuckles)

14
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{\an8}Diddily...

15
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,860
{\an8}diddily, diddily, diddily...

16
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{\an8}Asterisk, pound sign,
at sign, exclamation point!

17
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{\an8}Don't worry, the Holy Rollers

18
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{\an8}are still up by one on the Pin Pals.

19
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{\an8}MOE: Gentlemen, prepare to meet
your various makers, there.

20
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{\an8}'Cause we got one last frame by
our new anchorman, Dan Gillick.

21
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,669
{\an8}Thank God Otto had that psychotic break
and quit the team.

22
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,963
{\an8}Is this the Bridge to Terabithia?

23
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,882
{\an8}-(thuds)
-It's beautiful.

24
00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,384
{\an8}The day my Frisbee landed in your yard

25
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:35,512
{\an8}was the luckiest day of my life.

26
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,263
{\an8}And when you threw your son after it,

27
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,599
{\an8}-I enjoyed meeting him, too.
-He's a good boy.

28
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{\an8}(phone rings)

29
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{\an8}(groans)

30
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{\an8}Sorry, guys. Emergency meeting at work.

31
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:57,158
{\an8}Oh, please, I am missing
eight birthday parties for this!

32
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,409
{\an8}Just granny-throw it!

33
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,328
{\an8}Keep my ball.

34
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,831
{\an8}Well, looks like
the faithful have defeated

35
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,667
{\an8}a hedonist, a Hindu and a...

36
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:06,793
{\an8}What are you?

37
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,336
{\an8}You know when your dog's
having a bad dream?

38
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:09,921
{\an8}That's who I pray to.

39
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,432
{\an8}Boys, I'm afraid the government
has finally caught up with me

40
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:24,352
{\an8}and my appeals are exhausted.

41
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{\an8}Tomorrow, I begin serving jury duty.

42
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{\an8}That's a tough break, boss.

43
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:31,025
{\an8}Don't sign petitions

44
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,861
{\an8}outside the grocery store no more!

45
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,612
{\an8}I felt bad for the guy,

46
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,365
{\an8}sitting there at his little card table.

47
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:41,369
{\an8}Anyway, I must name
a temporary replacement.

48
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,124
{\an8}Your temporary don is...

49
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,626
{\an8}our accountant, Dan.

50
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,545
{\an8}(all groaning)

51
00:02:50,628 --> 00:02:52,172
{\an8}Fat Tony, a word?

52
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:55,550
{\an8}-How about "meringue"?
-That's a great word, but...

53
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,969
{\an8}(whispering) I'm just a numbers guy,
and the only reason,

54
00:02:58,052 --> 00:02:59,637
{\an8}I say "numbers guy"
instead of "Wharton MBA"

55
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,139
{\an8}is 'cause I want to blend in.

56
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,099
{\an8}I know what I'm doing.

57
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,559
{\an8}We are bleeding red ink,

58
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:07,395
{\an8}which is the only thing
we should not be bleeding.

59
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{\an8}(all exclaim and mutter)

60
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{\an8}(clears throat)

61
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{\an8}Hey, listen, everyone,

62
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{\an8}I know a good ice-breaking exercise.

63
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{\an8}Let's all say something
that we are afraid of.

64
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{\an8}For me, it's you guys. (quiet laugh)

65
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,702
{\an8}I'm afraid I might
kill this guy right now.

66
00:03:22,785 --> 00:03:24,579
{\an8}Ring, ring. Is that my phone?

67
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:25,872
{\an8}I think it is. Hello?

68
00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:27,540
Yes, sweetie, it's Daddy.

69
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,125
Listen, how would you feel

70
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,668
if I just disappeared?

71
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,712
Sad, right? Sad?

72
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,714
Okay, you know what? I'll tell the guys.

73
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:36,966
She's crying, guys. Cassidy is crying.

74
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,636
Well, I hope you feel proud of yourself.

75
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,304
Cassidy is a girl's name now?

76
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,723
(dramatic orchestral music playing)

77
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,314
I know this music.

78
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,857
It was a Bugs Bunny!

79
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:56,527
Oh, what I wouldn't give
for an anvil to fall on me.

80
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,695
D'oh!

81
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,948
Shh! Here comes Lisa's solo.

82
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,367
(music stops)

83
00:04:03,868 --> 00:04:06,871
(playing lively blues)

84
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:10,375
This is why I'm a season subscriber.

85
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(exhales weakly)

86
00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:16,005
-(all gasp)
-Lisa!

87
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,716
When I prayed for this concert
to be over,

88
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,510
I didn't mean like this!

89
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,971
-I did.
-Where's the school nurse?

90
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,139
Here I am.

91
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,891
Budget cuts.

92
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,482
Lisa, I suspect you fainted
because you thought

93
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:37,694
Justin Bieber was in the audience.
(chuckles)

94
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:40,738
Well, once again,
laughter is the worst medicine.

95
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,116
Young lady,
you're not getting enough iron.

96
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,451
Please say it's the vegetarianism.

97
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,662
It's not the vegetarianism.

98
00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,664
It's a little bit the vegetarianism.

99
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,333
Lisa, if you must forgo meat,
I advise you to take

100
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,377
these iron supplements.

101
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,586
(clanging)

102
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,630
It's like swallowing dollhouse furniture.

103
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(chuckles)

104
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:03,344
Gentlemen, look at what we are spending

105
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:06,014
every month just on olive oil.

106
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,016
We love our bread-dipping.

107
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:10,518
Okay, can't touch the bread-dipping.

108
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:14,856
Here's what Joey the Arsonist
thinks of your spreadsheet. Heh?

109
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:18,109
-(laughter)
-Ha-ha-ha! This is fun.

110
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:20,403
But you know what?
There is a cost-cutting measure

111
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,613
I'd like to propose-- if you put

112
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:24,782
a horse's head in someone's bed,

113
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:27,160
don't let the rest
of the animal go to waste.

114
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For the next guy, use the horse's leg.

115
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,955
Or... a couple of hooves.

116
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,291
Believe me, there is
no part of a dead horse

117
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:34,959
that's not gonna scare someone.

118
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,587
Okay, good stopping point.

119
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:38,588
Aah!

120
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,923
Okay... (grunts) Was that real?

121
00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:47,764
(hacks)

122
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:52,435
A kid's never lonely when he has bologna.

123
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:54,187
Except me.

124
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(bell rings)

125
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(hacks)

126
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,026
(sobbing)

127
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:03,571
-You're that Simpson kid, Bart, right?
-Lisa.

128
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:06,866
I just see mouths.
Can't handle the iron pills?

129
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,452
All day I have vitamin burps.

130
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,371
Try this-- it's what keeps me young.

131
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,834
Mmm, tasty. Love the texture.

132
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,545
-What is it?
-Beetle mush.

133
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,298
(muffled gasp) But I'm a vegetarian!

134
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,802
So am I. Lots of committed
vegetarians eat insects.

135
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,845
-Really?
-Get real.

136
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,639
There's bug parts in peanut butter.

137
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,557
And every year, the average American eats

138
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,267
eight spiders in his sleep.

139
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:34,685
It's all here in this book.

140
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:39,732
(mouth full) This is such a big step.

141
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,526
Better decide soon, kid.

142
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:44,070
The union said I can't talk
to a student this long.

143
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,697
Mmm, that is good grub.

144
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:50,034
But I promised Paul McCartney
I wouldn't eat meat.

145
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:54,455
And I promised Paul McCartney
I wouldn't sleep with John.

146
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:01,462
So, you're saying you'd rather
do the prettiest dude

147
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,339
in the world than the ugliest broad?

148
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,466
Absolutely. But how did we get here

149
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,844
from discussing Aristotle's <i>Poetics?</i>

150
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,595
MOE: Well, well,

151
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,181
if it isn't Mr. Work
Comes Before Bowling.

152
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,475
I am turning my back
because I can't stand

153
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,893
to look you in the face.

154
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,062
(screams) Ooh!

155
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,231
(screams) You.

156
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:23,317
-(screams)
-Part of my new rice wine promotion.

157
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,194
So, now you think you can
just waltz in here

158
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,612
and buy everybody a beer?

159
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:27,822
I didn't say that I...

160
00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:28,990
Too late. I already poured.

161
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,491
Oh, sorry, guys.

162
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,494
I got the kind of job that
you just can't play hooky from.

163
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,706
Well, I have no idea what
you do or who you work with,

164
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,375
but I am sure if you put
your foot down on their throats

165
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,378
and grind until you hear a crunch,
they'll sit up straight.

166
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,921
Really? You're sure about this?

167
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,716
Oh, hey, listen, I learned
a lot about human nature

168
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,093
by watching things
through secret cameras.

169
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,596
Uh-huh. All right, then. Okay.

170
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,557
We'll see about that bread-dipping.

171
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,644
Thank you. Thank you
for giving me an attitude.

172
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:01,564
Thank you for giving me an edge.

173
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:07,778
Or maybe it's groveling that works.

174
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,573
Hmm. Eh, six of one.

175
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,909
FRINK: Attention, Gourmands

176
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,536
of All Things Creepy and Crawly.

177
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:19,332
Please welcome long-time
squisher, first-time eater,

178
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:21,250
Lisa Simpson. (chuckles) Delighted.

179
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:33,346
Hey, waiter, there's no fly in my soup.

180
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,473
Sorry.

181
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,433
Little more. Little more.

182
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,684
Perfect.

183
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,022
Just-a once, why can't
they go to Applebee's?

184
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:44,941
Okay, fellas.

185
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,944
This time, why don't I do the cutting?

186
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:50,738
What are you doing?
I talk with that hand.

187
00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,323
Well, you're gonna lose it

188
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,867
if you keep
charging your manicures to us.

189
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,703
If you don't like it, tough tortellini!

190
00:08:57,787 --> 00:09:00,206
And while we're at it,
no more tortellini!

191
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,625
I'm dominating you!

192
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,877
Anyone got a problem? Huh?!

193
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,963
-Kenny the Problem?
-I'm good.

194
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,298
What's this I hear
about no more tortellini?

195
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,092
Only for Christmas and funerals.

196
00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:13,219
No, please, please, I need-a the money.

197
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:16,305
She's-a pay for my-- how you say?
English lessons.

198
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,391
My name-a Luigi.

199
00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:20,643
I live at a-one, a-two,
a-three, Main-a Street.

200
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,025
(humming)

201
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:31,821
So, if I'm growing grasshoppers to eat,

202
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,781
am I farmer or a rancher?

203
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:36,534
There are going to be a lot
of heated blogs on this topic.

204
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,954
MARGE: Lisa, dinnertime!

205
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,666
(meows)

206
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,632
(singsongy) Lisa eats bugs!

207
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,384
Bart! This is America.

208
00:09:53,467 --> 00:09:56,804
Anyone can eat what they want
as long as they eat too much.

209
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:59,557
Lisa, would you like some shrimp?

210
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,058
Hmm.

211
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,528
You know... shrimp aren't all
that removed from grasshoppers.

212
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,530
They're both arthropods.

213
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:25,625
Oh, you did that to help me out.

214
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:26,959
(grunts)

215
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,378
Not sure what your motivation
for that is.

216
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,549
Lunch break.

217
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,595
Make this quick.

218
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,722
I finally got a chair by the window.

219
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,600
I'm afraid the little
Bulgarian lady will take it.

220
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,018
Bottom line, Tone,

221
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:46,270
I cut expenses 12%.

222
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:49,106
As my more ruthless cousin
on Wall Street would say,

223
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:51,067
cut another 12.

224
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,486
But the only other cuts left
are personnel.

225
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:55,196
There are redundancies.

226
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,239
Like Shotgun Pete, Shotgun Mike,

227
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,784
Ronnie the Rifle, Shotgun the Rifle...

228
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,953
All good men, but some must go.

229
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,413
I agree.

230
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,582
I will announce the layoffs.

231
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,501
Welcome to the dole, boys.

232
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,919
(chuckles)

233
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:14,256
You jadrool, in our business,
you don't lay them off,

234
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,092
you lay them out.

235
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,427
Right. What?

236
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,929
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

237
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,931
(whispering)
Oh, boy, you mean, kill them?

238
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,599
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout.

239
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,435
Damn, she eats a quick lunch.

240
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,645
Got to go.

241
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:29,313
Nice breeze, huh?

242
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,986
You have breasts like woman,
but cannot give suck.

243
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,780
Quit saying that!

244
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,121
Get along, little buggies.

245
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,997
If I may, just one question.

246
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,958
Why are you eating us?

247
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,668
You don't feel any pain.

248
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,461
Wha...?! Who told you that?

249
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,130
Um... I just assumed.

250
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,716
This is what you've
been dipping in chocolate.

251
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:58,300
(Lisa gasps)

252
00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,719
Nooo!

253
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,971
I'm afraid sooo!

254
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,682
-Nooo!
-Sooo!

255
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,684
(gasps) Oh, thank God.

256
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,602
Just a dream. (chuckles)

257
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:11,272
(gasps) I've been meat-walking.

258
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:13,774
Bart, I can't eat bugs anymore.

259
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,026
Please, please take my grasshoppers

260
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:19,405
as far away as you can
and release them into the wild.

261
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:22,241
Okay, but when I grow up
and I'm living on your couch,

262
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,326
and I drink all your booze,
and sell your jewelry,

263
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,120
you got to be cool.

264
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,621
I'll be cool.

265
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,874
But I will not be sharing
my mini-fridge with Homer.

266
00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,417
He's there too?

267
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:32,752
(grunting)

268
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,587
Almost...

269
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:35,504
(grunts)

270
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,840
Eh, free is free.

271
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,509
(whistling jaunty tune)

272
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,847
He wants me to kill them!

273
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,182
-(shrieks)
-Sorry, sorry.

274
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,892
-First of all, hi.
-Hi, Dan.

275
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,478
Secondly, remember when
you asked who I worked for

276
00:12:50,561 --> 00:12:52,021
and I wouldn't say?

277
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,773
(whispering) I'm a mob boss.

278
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:57,443
I'm running Fat Tony's gang
while he's on jury duty.

279
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:58,652
(chuckles) Doodie.

280
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,404
-Homer, that's not the shocking part.
-Oh?

281
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,656
He wants me to kill a bunch of guys.

282
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,158
I've got a gun. Look.

283
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,618
(gasps) Oh, my God!

284
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:07,453
-You want me to help you escape?
-No!

285
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,705
I want you to stop me from doing it.

286
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,249
-You wha...?!
-I want to do it, Homer.

287
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,168
It's the ultimate business model.

288
00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,462
In my business, I try not to be seen.

289
00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:17,880
I'm scary good at it.

290
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,299
-Homer!
-Mmm.

291
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:21,634
Everything's led to this.

292
00:13:21,717 --> 00:13:22,968
I remember, the first time

293
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,471
I fired someone face-to-face, I cried.

294
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:28,432
I cried. Saved the tear.

295
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:31,185
Please stop. I just want
my Frisbee back from your yard.

296
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,521
They fired me for not being tough.

297
00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:36,440
I had learned that in order to succeed,

298
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,984
you must disregard
the dangerous distraction

299
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,028
of being human.

300
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,530
And it brought me here.

301
00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:45,741
You scratch a businessman and
you get a coldblooded killer.

302
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,619
Well, I've been scratched!

303
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,291
This is how I get out
of doing the dishes.

304
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,049
Come on, buddy, why would
you want to be a murderer?

305
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:03,259
I don't know.

306
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:05,928
My training,
this opportunity, it's like...

307
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,054
A perfect storm?

308
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,056
I hate that expression!

309
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:10,474
So overused!

310
00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:12,351
Okay, I don't... I don't
know why I said it.

311
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,936
I was scared. I needed a response.

312
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,145
It was a perfect storm!

313
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,188
Say something original!

314
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,108
(nervously babbling)

315
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:22,653
Uh, Greek thing, uh, grand b-banana of...

316
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:27,074
far-na... of f-forever
thing, bleeks blah-blah,

317
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:28,617
a comma... a com...

318
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,704
a commonality beret burrito.

319
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,664
Oh, it looks like
a kidnapping in progress, Chief.

320
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,875
(groans) You always frame everything

321
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,710
in the worst possible light.

322
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:41,088
Chief, can I ask-- why do you
want to be a policeman?

323
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,506
Adrenaline junkie.

324
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,093
My dad used to tie me up when
the ice cream truck went by.

325
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:47,595
And now there's no amount of ice cream

326
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,097
that will make me feel full,
so this should work.

327
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,892
Yeah. That's right. Tie them tighter.
Mmm!

328
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,685
Oh, that's good. Oh, that burns.

329
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:57,396
Could you please not sound
like you like it so much?

330
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:58,981
Sorry.

331
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,774
I'm into a lot of weird stuff.

332
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,985
Now stay down here and I'll be back

333
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,403
every hour with food.

334
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,697
And every six hours with food for you.

335
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:09,450
Thanks, man. 'Preciate it!

336
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:12,703
Ah, look. I have company.

337
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,121
Hello.

338
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,998
Hello to you and your friend.

339
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,207
It's a party.

340
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,877
(chittering)

341
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:27,343
I'm going to call you Buggy,

342
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:30,763
and I'll call you--
please don't go in my mouth.

343
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,057
All right, you can go in my mouth.

344
00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:34,808
Just don't lay egg...

345
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:36,393
(gargling)

346
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,354
<i>ANNOUNCER:</i>
<i>We now return to AFI Presents</i>

347
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:41,023
<i>The 100 Greatest Movie Screams.</i>

348
00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:44,151
<i>Number 60, from </i>Teen Wolf Too...

349
00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,028
<i>(woman screaming)</i>

350
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,781
-Classic.
-(Dan screaming)

351
00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:51,450
Someone must be watching on another TV.

352
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,744
DAN (screaming):
The bugs!

353
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:57,247
I really think that's
coming from our house.

354
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,958
Will you stop saying things

355
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:01,001
that'll make me have to do something?

356
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,003
<i>ANNOUNCER:</i>
<i>Next, we've got three screams</i>

357
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,964
<i>from </i>Scream 3<i>.</i>

358
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,674
<i>(three rapid screams)</i>

359
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,092
(Dan screaming)

360
00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:10,970
That was four screams. Stupid AFI.

361
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,640
Boy, never go into their
directors training program.

362
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,642
How about the Disney Minority Program?

363
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,268
Now, how would you qualify for that?

364
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,020
I'm the son of an oaf.

365
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:21,981
(scoffs) Have fun getting coffee

366
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:24,066
for Roy Disney the Third.

367
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,902
-Dinnertime.
-(chirping)

368
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,237
I know you're hungry.

369
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,114
I can hear you rubbing
your legs together and...

370
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,949
Oh, my God!

371
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,537
I never thought Homer Simpson

372
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,831
would be a part of the Day of the Locust.

373
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,416
Thanks.

374
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,252
Now, turn around and get on your knees.

375
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,587
Are you gonna shoot me
in the back of the head?

376
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,715
No, I just know it takes you
so long to get up

377
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,425
I'll have plenty of time to escape.

378
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,098
(grunting)

379
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,058
(sighs)

380
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,477
I'll fix that later.

381
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,736
(ominous organ music playing)

382
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,822
Your Honor, we have reached a verdict.

383
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,201
(gunshot)

384
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,953
Johnny Tightlips.

385
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,956
Give me one reason
why I shouldn't kill you right now.

386
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,292
There's a great one, but you'll
never get it out of me.

387
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,670
On vacation, he digs wells in Darfur!

388
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:27,588
Damn it!

389
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,424
We find the defendant...

390
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:32,426
<i>And now it's time for Final Jeopardy.</i>

391
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:34,261
<i>Pay attention, players.</i>
<i>The category is...</i>

392
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,430
You think you're so smart, Alex Trebek.

393
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,433
I remember when you
were Alphonse Trebagoogoo.

394
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:40,851
HOMER: Stop!

395
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:42,144
Make me!

396
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,353
(Bart grunts)

397
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,521
Come on!

398
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,316
You said we were gonna
see somebody get shot.

399
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,318
...not guilty.

400
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,071
I'll have your money in an hour.

401
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,491
(ominous organ music playing)

402
00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,828
Dan!

403
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:02,164
How do you keep finding me?

404
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:03,665
You really should tweet less.

405
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,334
But everyone deserves to know

406
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,668
what I'm thinking all the time.

407
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,462
Just listen, if you kill those guys,

408
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:10,506
you'll be as bad as they are.

409
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,925
I don't think so.
They've killed a lot of people,

410
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:14,510
and they tell their wives
they're working,

411
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,136
but they're really just hanging out.

412
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:20,015
Look, just give me the gun
before you hurt somebody.

413
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,725
Give it to me.

414
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,651
Oh, I can't kill you.

415
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:33,570
I knew you were weak.

416
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,572
If you think I'm so weak,
give me back the gun.

417
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:37,950
-You are weak, but no.
-Let's see how weak I am with the gun.

418
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,243
-No, I don't want to.
-Give me the gun.

419
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,494
I don't want to see it.

420
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:41,912
You're making my mad and
I want to shoot you now.

421
00:18:41,995 --> 00:18:43,622
I don't have to see it. Huh?!

422
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:45,916
-Give it to me!
-I can imagine it.

423
00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:47,042
-Give me the gun.
-No.

424
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,877
Come on, weakling, get it from me.

425
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,754
I'm not... You want...
I'm not weak with the gun.

426
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:53,215
Yeah, well, yeah,
but see who's got it now.

427
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,801
-When I have a gun, I'm not weak at all.
-Yeah, well, you ain't so...

428
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:56,969
(glass breaks)

429
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:58,220
(grunts)

430
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,347
Clean-up on aisle me.

431
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,391
(groans)

432
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,645
Okay, Mom, I think that's far enough.

433
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:14,027
Finally, a place where you
can spread your wings and hop.

434
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:17,322
(chirping)

435
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,622
We're free!

436
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,624
No, no, I'm still gonna figure this out.

437
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,042
There was a corner here.

438
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,127
David...

439
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,503
Damn it, Judy, let me have this!

440
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:37,342
So, Tone, you're sure you didn't
order those fiduciary-related whacks?

441
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,387
The important thing is
we have severely cut costs

442
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:43,348
by reducing
the number of our guns to one.

443
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,100
And I have it.

444
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,144
Any further questions?

445
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:49,104
-Can I have the gun?
-No.

446
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,814
What happened to our friend Mr. Gillick?

447
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:54,484
I don't know. But once your finger
has felt the itch of a trigger,

448
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:58,572
there is no relief till
said trigger has been squeezed.

449
00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,991
Sometimes late in life
you find your calling.

450
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:04,745
The heft of the gun,
the trigger in your hand...

451
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,246
Can you hurry this up, please?

452
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,123
My daughter's got cheerleading practice.

453
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,834
Oh, I-I can go fast.

454
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:12,252
Ba-da boom!

455
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:13,962
Could you please not do that?

456
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,714
Is there some kind of problem here?

457
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,300
And if not, can you do my belly button?

458
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,928
Need some place to hang
my badge at the sauna.

459
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,142
Shh!

460
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:14,940
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay

