1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:05,255 -CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ -(laughs, screams) 2 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,761 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,560 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,063 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,232 (whistle blows) 6 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,192 (yells) 7 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,906 (beeping) 8 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,830 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,547 D'oh! 10 00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:48,757 (tires screeching) 11 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,425 (grunts) 12 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,595 (yelling) 13 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,398 {\an8}(snoring) 14 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,653 {\an8}ANNOUNCER: It's the World Series, two outs, bottom of the ninth. 15 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:14,282 {\an8}Yes, we're at the point where baseball becomes mildly interesting. 16 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:17,702 {\an8}Can Homer Simpson, fresh off an anxiety dream 17 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,704 {\an8}about not studying for a high school test, 18 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,874 {\an8}come into this dream and knock one out of the park? 19 00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,794 {\an8}And who'da thunk it? We're food too! 20 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,505 {\an8}And apparently I'm married to a pork chop 21 00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,715 {\an8}and have drumstick children. 22 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:32,717 {\an8}How did that happen? 23 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,637 {\an8}(snoring) 24 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,180 {\an8}-ANNOUNCER: We're back... -(belches) 25 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,265 {\an8}The pitcher, Steroid Santa Claus, 26 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,017 {\an8}kicks and deals. 27 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,104 {\an8}It's a long fly ball, going back! Back! 28 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,648 {\an8}And the ball shatters the sky, 29 00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:49,943 {\an8}bringing the ocean itself down into the stadium! 30 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:53,696 {\an8}Whoa, Simpson just broke this dream's reality wide open! 31 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,907 {\an8}The groundskeepers are trying to put on the tarp, 32 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:59,702 {\an8}but it turned into a manta ray and stung them all. 33 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,372 {\an8}Now, we'll be right back after this word from oxygen, 34 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,624 {\an8}which Homer desperately needs to live. 35 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,584 {\an8}(gurgling) 36 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,586 {\an8}(coughing, spitting) 37 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,423 {\an8}MARGE: Homer! The roof is leaking! 38 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,927 {\an8}Water's coming in the house, and we've got carpet mushrooms. 39 00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,141 {\an8}Dad, all the jury summons you buried in the back yard 40 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:22,559 {\an8}are coming back up. 41 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,397 {\an8}(humming) 42 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,193 {\an8}While you were out there daydreaming, 43 00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,820 {\an8}this rain has ruined the house. 44 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,238 {\an8}(sighs deeply) 45 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,073 {\an8}Marge, in a crisis like this, 46 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,909 {\an8}I need time for quiet contemplation. 47 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,624 {\an8}What's wrong, Homer? 48 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,960 {\an8}You got an expression on your face I ain't never seen before. 49 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:51,337 {\an8}Like one of them Charlie Brown wiggle-frowns. 50 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:55,383 {\an8}I'm in an abusive relationship with life. 51 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,343 {\an8}It keeps beating the hell out of me, 52 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,220 {\an8}and I'm too cowardly to leave it. 53 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,931 {\an8}(sighs) Maybe I could drink myself to death. 54 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,851 {\an8}Eh, well, you can't. Your tolerance is too high. 55 00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:10,190 {\an8}Man, I've never seen Homer looking this bad. 56 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:15,320 {\an8}You're right. He needs some professional help. 57 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,114 {\an8}♪ Oh yeah... ♪ 58 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,077 {\an8}Ooh, someone is down in the Duff! 59 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,288 {\an8}Life is too fragile. 60 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,874 {\an8}One minute you're lying in your hammock drinking beer, 61 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:32,212 {\an8}the next thing you know you're sittin' here drinkin' beer. 62 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:36,549 {\an8}Homer, your bleak outlook has sent a smooth, icy chill down... 63 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,801 {\an8}Ah, screw it. I quit. 64 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,054 {\an8}Janette, Cheryl, get your own ride home. 65 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:47,977 {\an8}Aw, come on, Chief. I've had a rotten day. 66 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,270 {\an8}Can't you help me out? 67 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,064 {\an8}Sorry, I'm afraid the most I can do 68 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,565 {\an8}is pretend to drive you home. 69 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,109 {\an8}Okay, now hop on my imaginary motorcycle... 70 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,111 {\an8}arms around my belly... 71 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,989 {\an8}(imitates motorcycle revving) 72 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,784 {\an8}Um, I'm gonna need you to chip in for gas. 73 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,077 {\an8}Argh. 74 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,913 {\an8}This is where the pretending ends. 75 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,464 Oh... Now what? 76 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,883 You're coming with us to the school fundraiser. 77 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:20,677 Can this day get any worse? 78 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,053 The dog's got the mumps. 79 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:24,138 Dogs can't get mumps. 80 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,306 Well, then, explain this. 81 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:27,767 The only thing we know is it'll cost $800. 82 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:28,893 Ooh! 83 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,853 (Western music playing) 84 00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,154 Willie, I love your chaps. 85 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,156 Me pants are ripped out! 86 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,411 I don't care for silent auctions. 87 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,913 It just encourages hovering. 88 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,543 {\an8}Oh... Mm-hmm... 89 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,089 Oh! 90 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,386 You know you just pushed it up to list price. 91 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,096 You know that, right? 92 00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:07,056 Edna, I'm not one for costumes, 93 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,683 but I sure do like that feather in your hair. 94 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:12,395 I like how you make me feel good about the littlest things. 95 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,190 It's just you and me tonight, Buttermilk. 96 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,692 (imitating hoofbeats) 97 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:18,860 Whoa. 98 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:21,988 Howdy, pardners, I'm much obliged to y'all 99 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,365 for comin' out to the ol' corral here... 100 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,366 Skinner! 101 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:27,702 People want to get home! Speak regular. 102 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:30,788 Fine, we'll start the raffle and skip the things no one wants, 103 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,665 like art projects by your children 104 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,460 or a spaghetti dinner with the Van Houtens. 105 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:38,087 So let's get right to the item I'm sure you're waiting for: 106 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,048 the latest Mapple myPad! 107 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,716 (all exclaiming) 108 00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:43,718 I could do my cyber-bullying on the bus! 109 00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:46,637 Remember when me gettin' a cell phone was a big deal? 110 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,265 I bought you a ticket for the myPad raffle, Dad. 111 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,435 Aw, that's Tooth Fairy money down the drain, sweetie. 112 00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:54,228 I never win anything. 113 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,898 It's always some stupid jerk you've never heard of. 114 00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,232 And the winner is... 115 00:05:58,316 --> 00:06:00,068 Here it comes... 116 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,153 -Homer Simpson! -Get him! 117 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,988 I mean, woo-hoo! 118 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,490 (crowd cheering) 119 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,659 I just want to say I was having the worst day of my life. 120 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,328 Three cheers for Homer, 121 00:06:10,411 --> 00:06:11,871 minus the one we gave him already. 122 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,664 (crowd cheers twice) 123 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,333 Okay, what else... 124 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,293 Free Tibet! You heard me! 125 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,003 Free him now! 126 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,421 Thank you. 127 00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:22,757 Oh, my luck has changed! 128 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,425 ANNOUNCER: This is Homer Simpson's 13th raffle 129 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,676 and first win. 130 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,637 Apparently, his luck has changed. 131 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,521 (tinny fanfare plays) 132 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,941 {\an8}Greetings, I am Steve Mobbs, 133 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,276 {\an8}welcoming you from beyond the grave. 134 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,405 I left a half-eaten apple outside your store... 135 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,532 the greatest tribute of all. 136 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:51,536 {\an8}The product you hold is like a giant expensive smartphone 137 00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,497 {\an8}that can't call anyone-- it's that incredible. 138 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:58,793 {\an8}Now press the "submit" icon, and agree to buy all our future products. 139 00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:02,130 {\an8}And we're gonna be making a lot of stuff. 140 00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,133 {\an8}Submit. Submit. 141 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:06,342 I don't know, I... 142 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,344 -Submit. -I don't want to. 143 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,681 Or you could buy something from Hewlett-Packard. 144 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,182 I submit! I submit! 145 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,518 Yes. 146 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:16,602 Yes... 147 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,730 (humming happily) 148 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,316 Ooh, that adult Etch-A-Sketch 149 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,901 certainly has brightened your mood. 150 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,528 Oh, yeah! 151 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,155 You can look at it this way... 152 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:29,407 or this way whether you want to or not. 153 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:32,994 And it's got awesome games like "Tapped Out." 154 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:34,245 Oh... 155 00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,414 "Virtual Stapler!" 156 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,916 Sounds just like a stapler, and it never runs out... 157 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,251 unless you tell it to. 158 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:43,546 Here's one that gives you a cool '70s moustache. 159 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,131 I'm Sonny Bono. 160 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,591 Watch out for that tree! 161 00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:47,884 (giggles) 162 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,594 So, which do you prefer, m'lady? 163 00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:53,222 Tom Selleck, Rollie Fingers, or Pringles Man? 164 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:57,393 I always thought the Pringles Man had the kindest eyes. 165 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,483 Are you doing an app behind my back? 166 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:05,985 Submit... Submit... Sub... 167 00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:10,198 There ya go, Homer. 168 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,449 Boy, you know, when you're just here alone, 169 00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,075 I can really smell ya. 170 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,204 But I'm not alone. I'm doing some FaceTime with Lenny. 171 00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:18,372 It's like I'm skydiving with all my friends! 172 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,624 Let me text Carl. 173 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,918 So, uh, what are you pullin' the ripcord with? 174 00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:24,587 Uh-oh. Maybe there's a ripcord app I can use. 175 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,174 (Homer hums happily) 176 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,469 MARGE: Homer, pay attention! 177 00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:32,553 Huh? What? 178 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,599 Put that down! We're being audited. 179 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:39,143 The old stupid moustache'll win him over. 180 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,937 I'm really stupid. 181 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,606 Is that the myPad you're claiming as a business expense? 182 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:46,108 -I'm standing by that. -(groans) 183 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:49,529 Simpson! 184 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,326 Unhand your Edison slate 185 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,412 and bring your gold-brickery to a caesura! 186 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:02,250 Put down your myPad and get back to work. 187 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,501 Sorry, boss. 188 00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:05,711 Your remonstrances are a welcome boon 189 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,922 and surely will redouble my diligence. 190 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,049 -Excellent! -Awesome! 191 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,676 -Woo-hoo! -Pip-pip! 192 00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:12,760 Hmm... 193 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,097 -Hey, Dad! -Dad, check this out! 194 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,766 -Dad, over here! -Dad, a mother giraffe is giving birth! 195 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,935 Dad, look, I'm walking on the wall around the lion pit. 196 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,271 Dad, the baby giraffe is taking its first steps. 197 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,856 Dad, I'm walking on my hands, and the lions think they're gonna eat me! 198 00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,441 Will you kids pipe down? 199 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,277 I'm trying to get "Churro-Chaser" to tell me 200 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,653 where the freshest churros are. 201 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,363 What country is Mexico in? 202 00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:35,449 Dad, pay attention to your children. 203 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,118 Ugh, okay. 204 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,788 Aww. That'll be my screensaver. 205 00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,960 -(yells) -Just my arm. 206 00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,296 -(yells) -(chuckles) Gotcha! 207 00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:50,381 -Why, you little... -(screams) 208 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:52,425 (screaming) 209 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:55,720 (Tchaikovsky's Pathétique plays) 210 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,934 Homie, you want to read to Maggie before she goes to sleep? 211 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,313 (scoffs) A paper-based read-a-majig? 212 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,356 What are we, cavemen? 213 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,775 (imitates caveman grunting) 214 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,490 Sweetie, in the future all you'll need is this. 215 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,992 Homie... it looks like you're putting 216 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:20,202 all your eggs in one basket. 217 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,788 What would you have me do? One basket for each egg? 218 00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,332 Hmm, I guess you're right. 219 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:27,793 I guess I'll have to scratch that off the list of things I say. 220 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,129 Now, Maggie, let's find a good game for us. 221 00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:32,506 Hmm, "Krusty's Kosher Karnival..." 222 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,425 "Words with Enemies..." 223 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:35,551 "Don't Burn the Toast," 224 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,053 "Lenny Dykstra's Prison Break..." 225 00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,721 ooh, "Pizza Clock!" 226 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,223 Dough, sauce, cheese, topping. 227 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,600 Dough, sauce, cheese, topping. 228 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,393 Dough, sauce, cheese, topping. 229 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,145 Having fun, Maggie? 230 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:48,064 How long have I been playing? 231 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,483 Dough, sauce, cheese, topping. 232 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,443 So that's how you make a pizza? 233 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,987 Ooh, we really have been off-a the mark. 234 00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,906 Mmm... 235 00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:59,700 (raspy) Dough, sauce, cheese, topping. 236 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:03,162 Dough, sauce, cheese, topping. 237 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,955 D'oh! 238 00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:06,582 -(thuds) -Sauce, cheese, topping. 239 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,084 (groans) 240 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,712 Flushy, go get help. 241 00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:20,346 Homer, you're gonna be fine, but there's no hope for the myPad. 242 00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:24,767 (sobbing) It still had 88% of its charge. 243 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,769 This is the part of the job I hate most. 244 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:30,439 Talking to crazy people. (laughs) 245 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,441 (groans) 246 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,777 (grunting) 247 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,404 Which of you is the YouTube 248 00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:38,447 of the kid high on dentist's gas? 249 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,782 Is it you? 250 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,993 Is it... you? Is it you? 251 00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,621 (moaning) 252 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,708 Oh, Lord, when things looked darkest, you gave me light, 253 00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,418 then you switched it off, knowing full well 254 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,212 I had declined thy infernal Mapple Care. 255 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,589 Please grant me the wisdom to understand 256 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,967 your capricious nasty mind. 257 00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:02,888 And please, please make the next swing of the yo-yo an up. Amen. 258 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,390 ALL: Amen. 259 00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:11,272 (sighs) 260 00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:12,648 Everybody hear that? 261 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,191 Homer, Homer, it's a miracle. 262 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,527 Keep your pants on, Flanders. 263 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:17,903 (laughs) Oh, I will. 264 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,530 Till I go to bed and take them off under the covers. 265 00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:21,532 But come outside and see the miracle. 266 00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:23,075 Has the myPad risen? 267 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:24,952 No, it's still where you buried it. 268 00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,121 (Flanders humming) 269 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,623 Here it is, the Holy Ooze. 270 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,959 This is your miracle-- a tree? 271 00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:35,504 Ooh, look at me, I turn sunlight into complex sugars. 272 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,006 Big whoop. 273 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,257 Look a little closer. 274 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,134 Huh? "Hope." 275 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:43,512 Is this one of those coincidences like Jesus on a tortilla, 276 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,514 or George Washington on a dollar bill? 277 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:49,185 Well, I like that its message is in sap and not in blood. 278 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:50,936 Like some miracles I could mention. 279 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,438 (clears throat) Passover. 280 00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:55,858 Well, this is how God would send me a message: in my backyard, 281 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,903 hammock-adjacent, one short word in large print. 282 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,363 What do you think he's trying to tell me, Flanders? 283 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,450 Well, sir, if you ask me, somebody up there is trying to tell you 284 00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:07,036 that whatever flat tires you've got in your life, 285 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,121 God's there with his little spare 286 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,831 and it enables you to drive real slow 287 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,374 till you get to the next station. 288 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,502 Don't eat the miracle. 289 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,754 Fine, I'll just go eat the body of God. 290 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:18,964 That's not crazy. 291 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,552 Ah, looks like you're really 292 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,888 turning something over in your mind there, Homer. 293 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,349 Moe, I could believe this was a random occurrence 294 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:30,726 or I could believe some higher power reached down 295 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,062 and squeezed the sap out of that tree. 296 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:34,647 I'm choosing hope. 297 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:37,149 Moe, a bottle of your finest beer. 298 00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,318 Here you go. Duff Adequate. 299 00:13:39,401 --> 00:13:41,320 To hope! 300 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,906 Wow, no one's ever been happy in this place before. 301 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:47,409 And when I started it was Moe's Ice Cream Carnival-- not good. 302 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,161 (organ playing) 303 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,539 Of all the gifts the Lord gives us, 304 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,583 perhaps the greatest is hope. 305 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,629 Uh, excuse me, Reverend, but I'm here to talk 306 00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:02,216 about something a little more important: hope. 307 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:03,592 But I was just... (sighs) 308 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,679 Oh, fine-- I can get an early start on mountain biking. 309 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,722 Hope is here, people, and it's real. 310 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,725 It's not just inside the house of God, 311 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:15,020 it's outside the house of me. 312 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,565 So come and see the sticky brown truth. 313 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:20,025 (all cheering) 314 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:22,236 ♪ Ooh-ooh, child ♪ 315 00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:25,614 ♪ Things are gonna be easier ♪ 316 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:30,035 -Hope is all around me! -♪ Ooh, child, things'll be brighter ♪ 317 00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:33,330 -(humming) -♪ Ooh-ooh, child... ♪ 318 00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:36,792 Hmm. As promised, the miracle. 319 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,423 Really? "Other"? 320 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,383 Cletus, what does that tree say? 321 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,093 Now, now, let's spell it out 322 00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:48,679 like that social worker taught us to do. 323 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,515 Huckleberry, Overbite, Picklefoot, 324 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:52,766 Edumacation. 325 00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,643 Oh, it says hope! 326 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:58,355 Just like in Hope Floats, that Sandra Bullock movie I wrote. 327 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,611 {\an8}This is newsman Kent Brockman, 328 00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:06,572 {\an8}vowing I will debunk this so-called miracle. 329 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:09,283 {\an8}The idiotic things people believe in. 330 00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,410 {\an8}Now, stay tuned for your lucky lotto numbers. 331 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,704 {\an8}It's your turn for sure. 332 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,586 (crowd chattering) 333 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,674 A hundred dollar bill for anyone who will give me 334 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,886 the truth behind this so-called miracle tree. 335 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:32,097 I'll take your money. The tree's a fraud. 336 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:35,225 I just got a hundred. The tree is real! 337 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,019 What you got against hope anyway? 338 00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:40,439 I bet something disillusioned you as a child. 339 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,815 (gasps) 340 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,822 This is junior reporter Kenny Bockelstein, 341 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:51,825 investigating the stories that kids want to know. 342 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,243 (locker opens) 343 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,288 Mr. Mouse, how come you haven't been 344 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,375 in any funny cartoons since 1933? 345 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,880 I'm on a break, kid, and when I'm on a break, 346 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:05,881 the mouse is dead. 347 00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,260 The mouse was a man. His teeth were yellow. 348 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,389 His breath was rancid. My innocence was lost in a plywood castle. 349 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,224 The castle is plywood?! 350 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,559 (groans) 351 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,896 TV ANNOUNCER: Bumblebee Man is moving to Channel 6. 352 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,732 Adios, ocho. You no pay. 353 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,693 Uh-oh, he's got his own chimp. 354 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:28,070 -(chimp yelling) -Señor Chango! 355 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,863 Teeny's a girl? 356 00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,241 Oh, wait, he's just a bottom. 357 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,952 This is Kent Brockman at the site 358 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:36,996 of the so-called "Springfield Miracle." 359 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:39,415 The question is... 360 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,916 Is the hope tree a miracle? 361 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,501 Most decidedly not. 362 00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:44,044 Flying the Channel 6 traffic copter 363 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,255 without official clearance and below legal levels, 364 00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,382 we obtained the following footage. 365 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,051 As you can see here, a shadowy figure emerges 366 00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,095 from the darkness, walks up to the tree 367 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:56,265 in the Simpsons' backyard, and if we freeze and zoom in on the image, 368 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:59,643 We clearly see the figure holding a syrup bottle 369 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,937 with which he writes the word "hope." 370 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,733 Supermarket maple syrup. 371 00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,693 It was no miraculous tree of God, 372 00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:10,070 and there is no hope on Evergreen Terrace. 373 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:13,741 Just a run-of-the-mill, syrup-spraying mystery man. 374 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,285 We can add this to the list of... 375 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:19,872 Kent's Closed Cases. 376 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,082 Would you please get the segment straight? 377 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,626 Just lose the graphic. (groans) 378 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:25,878 (groaning) 379 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,504 It was all a hoax. 380 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,631 Let's burn our hats! 381 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,925 (chanting) Hope is dead! Burn the lies! 382 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,094 Thank God there's no alcohol in this bar, 383 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,512 or this place would really go up. 384 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,181 (groans) 385 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:39,099 -(groaning) -Homie? 386 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,851 Aren't you going to come in? 387 00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:42,936 I don't know what to believe anymore. 388 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,939 Maybe it's time to call Satan. Is that a 212? 389 00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,775 Don't call Satan. 390 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,986 So what if the message wasn't the miracle. 391 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:55,282 The answer isn't in syrup from God or a computer tablet. 392 00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:59,036 The answer is that you hope you felt was real. 393 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,956 Marge, up till now, I thought your hair was just blue cotton candy, 394 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,668 but now I know it's a solid loaf of brain. 395 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,588 Homie, you have such a way with foods. 396 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:11,548 Let's go inside. 397 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,675 Who do you think painted the word on the tree? 398 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,137 No idea-- the important thing is that they did. 399 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,597 Guess it must've been the person 400 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,849 who knew I needed hope most of all. 401 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:24,019 ♪ You're all ♪ 402 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:28,774 -♪ I need to get by ♪ -(snoring) 403 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:36,156 You know, we've got a new version of that tablet. 404 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,867 But I just got this three months ago. 405 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,536 Yeah, that's the kind of thing I do, 406 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,454 and yet I still wound up here, 407 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,789 as your boss. 408 00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:47,126 Can I get Christmas off? It's my kid's birthday. 409 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,128 No. 410 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,304 ♪ When the moon hits your eye ♪ 411 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,765 ♪ Like a big pizza pie ♪ 412 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,184 ♪ That's amore ♪ 413 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,727 (tires screech) 414 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,564 ♪ When the world seems to shine like ♪ 415 00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,315 ♪ You've had too much wine ♪ 416 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:14,153 ♪ That's amore ♪ 417 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:17,573 ♪ Bells'll ring, ting-a-ling-a ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪ 418 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:23,162 ♪ And you'll sing "Vita Bella" ♪ 419 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:27,082 ♪ Heart's will play tippi-tippi-tay, tippi-tippi-tay like a gay ♪ 420 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,668 ♪ Tarantella ♪ 421 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,338 ♪ When the stars make you drool ♪ 422 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:38,427 ♪ Just-a like a pasta fazool, that's amore ♪ 423 00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:43,015 ♪ When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet ♪ 424 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:46,435 ♪ You're in love ♪ 425 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,605 ♪ When you walk in a dream ♪ 426 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:54,193 ♪ But you know you're not dreaming, signore ♪ 427 00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,861 (screams) 428 00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:59,531 ♪ 'Scusa me, but you see back in old Napoli ♪ 429 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:03,118 ♪ That's amore ♪ 430 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:05,704 ♪ When... ♪ 431 00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,415 ♪ The moon hits your eye ♪ 432 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,667 ♪ Like a big pizza pie ♪ 433 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:14,963 -♪ That's amore ♪ -♪ That's amore ♪ 434 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:18,717 ♪ When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine ♪ 435 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,971 -♪ That's amore ♪ -♪ That's amore ♪ 436 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,390 -♪ Bells will ring ♪ -♪ Ting-a ling-a ling ♪ 437 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,809 -♪ Ting-a ling-a ling ♪ -♪ And you'll sing "Vita Bella" ♪ 438 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:31,813 ♪ "Vita Bella," "Vita Bella" Hearts will play ♪ 439 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,982 ♪ Tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay ♪ 440 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:37,027 ♪ Like a gay tarantella ♪ 441 00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:41,323 ♪ Lucky fella, 'scusa me, but you see... ♪ 442 00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:45,244 ♪ Back in old Napoli that's amore ♪ 443 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,662 ♪ Amore ♪ 444 00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:50,916 {\an8}♪ That's amore ♪ 445 00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:34,626 Shh. 446 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay